Hilarious People Joke About What Skills Become Suspicious If You're Too Good At Them
You have to have skills in life in order to sustain. And everybody has skills. Some skills are obvious and others kept on the DL. Of course all skill, even when just inherent, becomes perfected through practice. Sometimes though too much practice can lead to trouble. You want to make talent look natural and learning skill does attribute to one's talent but you don't want to make it seem too easy.
Redditor _Jarhead_71 asked the internet to reveal... What everyday skill becomes suspicious if you're TOO good at it? Maybe dumb it down for the outside eye just a smidge.
THAT BLOWS...
Weighing small quantities and knowing convenient reference weights (e.g. the weights of currency). Identifying off-white powders.
OFFICE STALKER!
Being able to tell who is in the bathroom with you at work.
THIS IS A THING?
I almost always know..
There's 1 bathroom.. and the way to that bathroom is like a 3 way intersection where my office door is.. people walking towards the door would only be coming from the back of the building, and that's only going to be one of two people.. It's easy to tell which way anyone came from just by listening when they walk by, and the sound and speed of their footsteps.. The other way is on the opposite side of the building, and again, I would hear them coming from that direction before they pass by my door.. 90% of the time anyone in the bathroom is gonna be the guy with IBS that poops 20 times a day.
WHAT'S THAT GLORIOUS SCENT?
Recognizing people's smells can get kind of weird when you're good at it. When I was 10/11 in school if someone left a jumper on the playground and it didn't have a name in it I would just smell it and give it back to whoever owned it. Once I grew up a bit more I realized it was weird to smell people's clothes so I stopped; but I can still recognize someone's possessions just by their smell.
WHOSE THE HOUSE?
Dealing and shuffling cards.
IT'S ALWAYS A BIRTHDAY!
Guessing passwords.
RESPONSE?
Its kinda sad the amount of people whose passwords are 'password', 'password123', etc.
User: Buffalo Wild Wings
Password: BuffaloWildWings
HELLO HANNIBAL LECHTER...
Getting stains out of carpet.
I KNOW EVERYTHING!
Every place I've worked I always memorize each and every person. Names, physical features, and vehicle. Usually in case of an emergency because you never know. It takes time but you learn a lot.
PAPA CAN YOU HEAR ME?
Knowing who someone is by the sound of their steps.
SOMETHINGS DON'T NEED A SHORTCUT...
My boss was setting up my time tracking account and it didn't work. He had to try to log in with in. I told him the shortcut to open an incognito window in chrome (ctrl+shift+n).
But thinking about it the shortcut is much more useful to a developer (who has to test logins or unauthorized access occasionally) then to your average masturbator.
UM... IT MIGHT BE TIME FOR A RESTRAINING ORDER...
Memorizing names, phone numbers, favorite colors, credit-card numbers, people's daily routines, usual whereabouts.
REACTIONS?
What they had to eat last night, how many times they went to the restroom, how many times they walked past your tree etc...
See, I know it's seen as creepy so I make an act like "Oh yeah! I remember now..." or if I learn information about a person before they can tell me on their own, I pretend not to know until the person says the information themselves. I really do just remember a lot of stuff about the people in my life, though. Then on top of that, I suppose I connect dots more often than other people too. Like if someone I'm talking to says, "Oh yeah, Tommy and I grew up together!" I remember that, and then even weeks/months later, that same person says, "I grew up in Cleveland, Ohio" then I know that means Tommy probably also grew up in Cleveland. But if I say this to Tommy, I'm gonna come across as creepy.
Try not to follow the bad advice given here, because you don't want to get the results that these guys did.
U/Duckerton375 asked: What's the worst advice someone ever gave you, but you still followed?
The workplace can bring a cornucopia of terrible advice. Don’t follow these unless you want to get fired.
​Bad jobs are usually not worth it.
Stick with a job no matter how bad it is. I stayed with a terrible job working retail, dealing with horrible customers and sexual harassment. I was told I wouldn't find anything better.
"No, no, you misunderstand. I said you wouldn't find anything better at making you feel like complete garbage."
This gets really creepy really fast.
frustrated workplace GIFGiphy"After you put in a job application, you need to call them at least once a day every day until they hire you."
Note: this did not get me hired. It got me called out by the HR person I was calling and forbidden to ever contact their facility again.
I work for a law firm that employees over 1500 people in the home office alone. Once I received a call from the building security saying, "Insert Name is here to speak with the owner." Well we are run by a committee so that's odd. Found out they just applied for a job and wanted to talk directly to the person that would potentially hire them. Told him the firm will contact them to schedule an interview. They refused to leave without "talking to the owner." Had security escort them out of the building.
​This is absolutely not true.
"Sleep is for people who do not want success" great words from my uncle, it almost killed me.
Now I may be oversleeping.
​Interpersonal relationships are also a big breeding ground for terrible advice. Don’t listen to any of these.
Heartbreaking.
My father always tought me and my brother that "having friends is bad and in the end they will never be there for you" so everytime I told my father about my friends he would get kinda mad and give me the advice to stop talking to them.
Now I am afraid of people and have several trust issues, thanks dad.
​This won’t end well.
A Christmas Story GIF by filmeditorGiphyIn the fifth grade my teacher was talking about bullying, then she said "if anyone tries to bully you just agree with them." So the next time I got bullied I agreed with the bully and they bullied me more.
Dude one time I saw an anti bullying video that told the victims to just BE NICE TO THE BULLY. Like the bully was hurling insults and the victim was smiling and complimenting him. My first thought was about how much I hated the mere thought that this would work. My second thought was of how the people who came up with that method had clearly never been bullied.
​Oof.
When I met my now wife at the age of 19, one of my coworkers said that it's very important to start at the bottom with presents and work your way up, she still has the socks I gave her on our first anniversary on the wall over our bed as a reminder...
I'm still trying to teach my boyfriend about good presents and bad presents. Biscuits from the supermarket = bad present. Cheap unbranded laptop battery from China as my only present = bad present (and only lasted 2 months). Anything off my 7-page wishlist = good present. It's literally a list of things I want to receive as presents.
​Can tell you from experience that this is a bad idea.
Had a falling out with some friends. My husband recommended I reach out to an old friend who ghosted me suddenly in a manner that induced some pretty severe abandonment trauma. Went for it anyways because "it's been so long, surely they changed". Am now experiencing the same things as last time.
When you follow bad advice, it can lead to mistakes that you just can’t come back from.​
Buying a house is tricky.
for sale dancing GIF by Lisa VertudachesGiphy"Buy a home now before the prices go up!" -my FIL in 2006.
We bought in 2007 and paid $259,500 for our 1,300 sq ft house (we really couldn't afford it and had an 80/20 so we had 8% interest for one loan and 6% on the other) and in 2008 it was worth $97,000 so refinancing wasn't even an option. We watched all of our neighbors walk away or get foreclosed on but we kept paying our bills and as of this very moment our house is worth $462,000. I'm so happy we stuck it out, we both worked our @sses off and the house will be paid off in 2 years.
It worked out for us, it's a horrible idea. Especially since 1300 sq ft houses are $460+k
My heartbreaks for future generations, I honestly don't know how people are going to afford housing in the future.
It’s there for a reason.
"Never apply for any government assistance."
Cue years of suffering trying to work full-time with a painful disability. Quit a particularly terrible job, and wanted to apply for food aid until I could find another gig; a friend with lots of DHS experience recommended I apply for Social Security "just to get in the system." Turns out my disability was bad enough to get accepted the first time, which I wasn't expecting. Really could've used that support, oh, the 30+ previous years of my life.
Credit is important to have.
I was told to not get a credit card until after college. I was super fortunate to have my college paid for so I had no loans, car paid in cash, no credit card or anything to start building credit. Found myself out in the world at 22 years old with a credit score of 0.
So while a lot of this bad advice came from trusted people, oftentimes they were too misinformed to give that advice in the first place. Don't trust the word of one person--do your research, and make decisions for yourself.
It'll be way better in the long run