Hawaii looks like a beautiful place. And I long to visit one day.
It looks like perfection, like life there is a constant state of paradise and beauty.
But I do know people who have lived there and it seems that paradise is more like every other place in the world, with it secrets and mundane routines.
There is definitely a downside to the "perfect place."
But hey... I'm still going.
Redditor Higglesworth98 wanted to hear truth from those that spend their days in paradise by asking:
"People who live in Hawaii, what are some misconceptions and/or things people don't realize about island life?"
Same old, same old....
Life can often be very routine. There's less space to build new stuff so new developments are generally a much longer timeframe. If you're not comfortable going to the same two beaches, the same three restaurants and the same coffee shop on a regular basis, life can be very difficult here.
lilo and stitch water GIFGiphyIsland Staples
A major employer and source of residency is the US military.
Those of Japanese ancestry make up the second largest ethnicity.
Staples like groceries and gasoline cost a fortune to account for shipping costs.
Alea....
Lived in Aiea for 3 years.
It's not all about Zippys, Hilo Hattie, and Abc stores.... Apart from the tourist stuff everyone is living and working normal jobs.
Dating is rough if your if your looking for a LTR. Dating pool is small, but tourist and military people we pretty cool for small stints in my case.
Also very few mexican food places. :(.
Things of Nightmares....
Damn giant centipedes. Found one a good 10" long on our pillow before going to sleep one night. Also had one get stuck half way in a sticky trap, and I woke up to the sound of it dragging that box all over the kitchen tile trying to escape. Nightmare fuel.
It's a beautiful place to live and has a lot of advantages, but f**k centipedes.
On TV
This isn't a thing anymore, but in the 1960s and 1970s EVERY TV show would have their characters greeted by Hawaiian dancers and get a lei necklace as soon as they stepped off the plane in Honolulu. For awhile I think a lot of people believed this is what happens all the time.
Loveless in Paradise....
Dating is hard in Hawaii. The population is small, and there is a joke that "people are waiting for someone to break up." I could see it being lonely there long term if you didn't find someone quickly or move there with someone.
Bench Press Hulk GIF by Love IslandGiphyBefore Cali....
Born and raised on the Big Island, live in California now.
I can only speak to my own experience in the town I grew up in, on the island I grew up on, but it's a pretty damned normal life, just happens to be in a very beautiful and unique place.
Like any other tourist destination, the vast majority of visitors only see what's on the path of the "guided tour" so to speak. When you peel back that curtain, you just see people living their lives like anywhere else.
Peek a Boo
It's not very easy to hide from police on a small island... so "don't do crime kids and stay in school" is a very important message here.
scooby doo halloween GIF by Boomerang OfficialGiphyCrazy Expensive....
I was born and grew up on the mainland. My wife and I have lived in Hawaii (Maui) for almost a decade now. It is definitely a lot more expensive to live here. 2 bags of groceries is generally in the $100 range. Rent is crazy. Gas is stupid expensive. The other end of that is that pay can be higher too, depending on the job. If you get a good job serving somewhere fancy, it's not uncommon to leave with $300-$500 for a shift.
We depend completely on tourism here to survive. So as much as tourists can be annoying, intrusive, rude, and entitled, we need them. Distance is weird. If I'm gonna drive 30 minutes somewhere, we better be having a whole day planned. Eating out somewhere casual is at least $30 for two people. It's really like living anywhere else tho honestly.
I have fast internet, Wal-Mart and Target aren't far away. My family is on the east coast, so seeing them is hard during normal times. Forget about it right now. So that sucks. Also, I miss hoodies, good sammiches, and the woods. But Maui is stunning and magical and living and breathing.
Influence of the West....
Pre Western contact Hawaii had a long and awesome oral tradition, but the islands did not have a written language or written numbers until the 1820s. The Hawaiian Islands did not have a Western system of land surveying/map making/ recording the sale of land until late into the 19th century. Some of the earliest surveys are dated in the 1870s. To this day the state of Hawaii it has two different systems of land registration.
dancer hawaii GIF by ali macGiphyTitle searches in Hawaii can be complicated and difficult because many of the original documents were originally written in Hawaiian (which is one of the official languages of the state). Even today there are many clouded titles on land and disputes as to actual ownership dating back to the days of the Hawaiian monarchy, and some of those claims are still in litigation more than a 100 years later.
Climate Needs
I am kind of surprised no one has said that the homeless population is outrageous in Hawaii.
A big part of that is the fact that homeless people come from the mainland to be homeless here because it's a more livable climate.
I've met soo many homeless people who came from like Washington or Colorado.
And then also, when all the mental health hospitals were closed, there still hasn't been any programs or ways to help people who needed those services and therefore, homeless.
And then now Covid.
Molokai'i it's just what it is...
Depending on which island you're on, you legit can be out of food and have to wait on the barge to come by for basic crap.
Relaxed Island Life GIF by SentosaGiphyIt's like living in the mainland when you have shortages from storms and such. The grocery store just has what it has and if it doesn't wait a few days for the next barge.
On Maui and Oahu and the big island you don't really see this, but out on Molokai'i it's just what it is.
Oahu
Born and raised on Oahu. Every local I know doesn't wear shoes or slippers in the house. And most dislike going to tourist spots (like Waikiki). Also a half hour drive is considered a long drive.
Bad Times
My dad moved to Oahu and stayed out there for many years. I would go visit when I could.
The biggest thing I noticed was the drugs and outright poverty that seems to go over looked. With that came violence. My dad got mugged and put in the hospital coming out of a bar. I was beat up walking out of a hotel once.
The Theme Park
We went to Kauai a couple years ago and while there we attended the agricultural fair. A local told us he dropped $500 on he family at the fair. He said that was it as far as amusement parks so every year the fair was the thing. It hit us then that for us we could go a couple hours to say Busch Gardens or a day to Disney World. If they were to go to anything like that other than the fair it would be a major haul to the mainland.
Big Island
You don't honk (much) and NEVER flip off someone in traffic.
look at this turn around GIF by ShinestyGiphyA quick shaka will do, since you may know them or see them at the store soon anyway.
We lived on O`ahu for a decade, and have family born and raised on there and the Big Island, but will never be "local".
Don't try to talk pidgin. I know the lingo and tonal inflection, but still, just no.
I'll be there for you...
Lived on Oahu for about 4 years from 2012-2016. How expensive everything is is definitely at the top of the list. The one that most people don't expect is that I had a hard time making friends. I'm guessing this could be hard in any tourism based place but I'd go to the restaurant or bar and meet tons of people. They were all there for the week. It seems that even residents my age were all only there for a short timeframe as well. I just had a constantly rotating group of friends and it got old.
That's part of the reason I moved back to the mainland. Also everyone was always stealing stuff. Mopeds and other goods get stolen all day every day if it's not locked, it's gone. It was frustrating the amount of stuff that would just go missing or get broken into.
All that being said, I would live there again. I do miss it every once in awhile.
flying out...
Was stationed at Oahu. When I first got there I thought the place was beautiful and had a great time. But after 3 years I kinda got sick of all the disrespectful tourists and the fact that it is a small island and the only way for me to leave was flying.
Haole
Being called a haole can be derogatory or neutral depending on how it's used. I'm a white woman married to a brown man. Once, we were having dinner out while I was pregnant and our server told us we were going to have the cutest hapa-haole baby. She was pretty nice and I'm pretty sure she said it completely innocuously.
Another time I was visiting the Big Island (I lived on Oahu) and was checking out an off-the-beaten-road beach that belonged exclusively to the locals. It was crystal clear that I wasn't welcome, and though they never called me it to my face, I heard them call me a haole amongst themselves and it definitely wasn't neutral.
When I first moved to Oahu, my husband's employer hosted us for a dinner party with some of his new co-workers.
Another white dude who had lived there for about 20 years pulled me aside and told me point-blank that I should expect to be called a haole and not to let it bother me. That I was a white person from the mainland in their space - it was my trade off. Broadly speaking, it wasn't really an issue while I lived there. Most people were really nice as long as you weren't acting like a self-entitled fool.
The Florida of Paradise...
Lived in Honolulu for four years. People tend to think of Hawaii as a peaceful, laid back place but really it's a freaking madhouse.
bob ross painting GIFGiphyI also lived in Florida for five years and I always tell people that Hawaii really is what people only think Florida is. I've shared many stories on Reddit over the years of the endless string of lunatics and crazies I dealt with on nearly a daily basis out there. There's something about being on a remote island in the middle of nowhere that really brings out the loony in people.
When you gotta go, you go.
That should be a mantra for getting rid of the toxic people in our lives.
Not every relationship is meant to last forever.
Some people don't know how to be friends.
They are awfully good at pretending though.
Be vigilant of the signs and red flags.
Toxic people are crafty.
And once you're free, never look back.
Redditor _ReDd1T_UsEr wanted to discuss the reasons why many of us decided to cut some people out of our lives, so they asked:
"What was the reason why your friendship ended with someone?"
Sometimes a person just has to go.
Planning Stages
Weekend Sunday GIF by DisneyGiphy"I stopped being the first to always initiate plans, and that was that."
Witty-Surround-6541
"I once asked a friend to plan our next breakfast + walk outing, since I always did that. He wrote me a letter ending the friendship. Stunning!"
fermat9996
Pants on Fire
"Habitual lying became too annoying and disruptive to tolerate."
Hosscatticus_Dad523
"When you constantly are thinking... this math ain't matching lol. People that lie all the time make me sick. I've told multiple friends that you don't have to lie to me."
"I feel so much better when someone can trust me and feel comfortable telling me a hard truth than an easy lie."
"Even if the truth made me feel some type of way, I'm still glad it was honest. I've even said thank you to people in the past that have been honest with me, good or bad! Some people just can not help lying about things. I wouldn't be able to ever keep a story straight if I did that."
__eden_
Bad Behavior
"He kept having kids with different girls and bailing on them. Coming from a 'went out for a pack of smokes' Dad myself, I just couldn't watch it anymore. Bailed after the third one. Think he's up to 6 now."
KingGuy420
"Reminds me of one of my ex-friends. She kept having kids with MULTIPLE guys (all of them were one-night stands), I don't think she even knows who the baby daddies are."
"She also kept begging me and people for money for pot, and she also bragged about having OnlyFans. She'd also make up stories about being in an abusive relationship with her boyfriend (she'd also cheat on him/tell people her and him they broke up, which they weren't)."
wisconsinking
Reasons
"I was a bad person and they ended it for perfectly sensible reasons. I would have done the same. I've changed, but I don't blame them for not reconsidering contact."
tabletopsidekick
"I’ve been there. I was a bad person and lost friendships and family relationships. I tried to apologize to everyone I hurt."
PDXGalMeow
"I also accepted that they don’t want me in their lives anymore. I learned that I made my mistakes, I learned from them, and I accept their choices. I don’t self-hate anymore and I try to be a better person in general. I hope you are doing well and practicing self-love and forgiveness."
PDXGalMeow
Money Issues
Donald Duck Money GIFGiphy"I lent them $20 and then they avoided me so they didn’t have to pay me back. Worth the $20."
BuickAssault
"I don't ever expect prompt returns of small amounts of money between my friends... we all buy each other rounds or buy the food for the BBQ or whatever. It ends up evening out over time I think we'd notice though if someone was always taking and never giving and then they'd probably get cut off too."
Badloss
In the immortal words of Cyndi Lauper... "Money Changes Everything."
Lack of Support
Happy Planning GIFGiphy"She joined a pyramid scheme selling butt-ugly leggings and it took over her whole life. When I finally told her it was negatively affecting our friendship, she accused me of not supporting her 'business.'"
LeftandLeaving9006
Oh Driver
"I was basically a taxi for my friends so I dumped them all."
Bullfrog_Little
"This one I can understand but depends on the situation. Not all of my friends had cars in high school, so our group needed to have me and my sh*tty '94 Plymouth Sundance come, or they couldn't do anything. I didn't mind at all then, but I definitely would these days."
Hoopajoops
"I remember I used to drive around with my buddies all the time before they had licenses. When one of my friends got his and a car I said sweet now you can drive me around for a bit, he replied that he wasn't gonna waste his money on gas like that. See ya, haven't really spoken to him since."
DontcallmeShirley_82
2063
"How's this for oddly specific: Friend since 1980, was hanging out at a bar in 1992 and there was a dispute of over a $15.00 bar tab. I was in the right, but whatever - he held a grudge for years."
"Ran into him in 2017 and we were both too old to care. Started to see each other now and then. 2023 and we're at this local bar for a show and got into a fight about $15.00 a ticket."
"Maybe he'll call me in 2063."
The68Guns
Exhausting
"She was a taker, constantly. When I needed something she made it about her yet again. Exhausting to be around."
LordyIHopeThereIsPie
"I'm going through this right now. Can't tell you how many texts I have from her in the past few days telling me that I need to get over myself, need to stop making myself the victim, have been a terrible friend, have never been there for her."
"She's the most narcissistic person I know and everyone does everything for her. She has one of the easiest lives ever and anytime anything bad happens to her she believes that everyone is against her and she's the victim here. It's pure insanity. There is no talking sense to people like this."
cheeseburgerwaffles
Life Changes
point pointing GIF by Shalita GrantGiphy"I've lost like all but two of my 'friends' because I stopped drinking and doing hard drugs."
ConcertTerrible8877
"Same here dude. My circle is small but hey at least it's a circle I know I can go to."
Miss_mayonnaise
Oh, how things change when the booze dries up.
How much fun were you really having?
Do you have any stories about cutting off a friend? Let us know in the comments below.
People Who've Attended A Wedding Where Someone Actually Objected Share Their Experiences
There's nothing quite like the drama that can arise at a wedding or in the days leading up to it.
But the moment people don't necessarily think about is the moment when the audience can choose to object if they so choose, and surprisingly, some people take advantage of this opportunity. It often doesn't go well.
Redditor AustinMakesStuff asked:
"Has anyone ever been to a wedding where someone actually objected, and if so, how did that go?"
Objection: Avoided
"I went to a wedding where they skipped that part because the bride's adult daughter was planning to object."
- mynameizgary
"How was this known? Had she pre-announced her intention, or was she just that kind of person and people had accurately predicted it?"
- UpsetMarsupial
"She told somebody, and they told the bride and groom."
- mynameizgary
Uncovering the Con Artist
"I feel like about half of weddings these days don't have that part, and not because of feared objections, just because it is outdated and weird. Premarital sex is a thing. Divorce is a thing."
"Weddings cost like over $10k; if you know reasons to stop a marriage (outside of movies), you need to intervene at the engagement or earlier, not during the ceremony."
"That said, one of my wife's college roommates canceled a wedding like a day or two days beforehand, right after graduating college, after being in a long-distance relationship with some guy for a year or so. Her family was quite well-off and she was dating a guy who lavished gifts and expensive dates on her whenever they were together, said he ran his own company, just bought them a fancy house, etc."
"It turns out he was just super in debt, working a near minimum wage job, and maxing out credit cards taken out fraudulently. He had a fake web page with other employees for his company that he set up for the sole purpose of keeping up the front. The house was only bought from grossly lying about income (pre-2007 housing crisis) on the mortgage application, and he was drowning in debt."
"The almost-bride's father got bad vibes about the guy (a few things didn't add up, like he had this fancy house but couldn't afford any furniture), and he hired a PI (Personal Investigator) who quickly uncovered the deception."
"(And she didn't break up with him because he wasn't rich, she broke up because he spent tons of effort to lie about everything and was completely conning her and just trying to get her roped into joint ownership of his debt via marriage that he expected the family to pay off.)"
- NoveltyAccountHater
Chosen Family
"My husband's first marriage. The brother of the bride stood up and said to my husband, 'Say no, you can still be happy!'"
"They went through with the marriage and wound up divorcing with a messy breakup."
"Brother-in-law is still best friends with my husband (as far as he's concerned, he gained a brother and lost a sister, and is better off for it), and he never lets him forget the fact that he was right and he should have bailed, lol (laughing out loud)."
- Amaevise
Marriage 2.0
"My auntie's fiance was already married (a lady stood up waving the marriage certificate), so the wedding didn't go ahead. The reception was on a long boat so we still went to that."
"The fiance went back to his home country to sort it out and never came back."
- Chiquita4eyes
The Mother-in-Law
"I worked a wedding where one of the moms objected, but I think the groom knew that the parent was going to say something, so they just responded with, 'Oh sit down, (parents name), we knew you didn't like this a year ago and clearly we're not going to change our minds today."'
"The wedding continued like nothing happened, but the mom was lowkey shunned and people avoided her at the reception."
- peeweekiwis
Going Separate Ways
"This was in America, and the wedding was in a Buddhist temple. The parents of the groom stood up and objected because they didn’t believe the bride was of the same class. They spoke in another language so most of the English-speaking guests didn’t know they were objecting."
"My husband was the best man and those closest to the couple knew this might happen. The Buddhist priest said he would handle it if the parents tried anything."
"After the parents spoke for a while, the priest said to the groom, 'You’ve heard what your parents had to say, what do you want to do?'"
"The groom replied, 'I want to marry my bride.'"
"So the priest asked the parents to leave."
"At this point, the rest of the guests are clueing in that this was not a nice part of the ceremony, and that the parents were actually objecting, so, as the parents walked out, some of the guests were berating them saying things like, 'You should be ashamed of yourself,' and 'How could you do that?' Even though the groom was not happy with his parents, that was very hard for him to hear."
"That was 30 years ago. The couple is still married. They have two beautiful, successful children. After the groom’s mom passed away, the groom’s father came around and was involved in their lives until he died."
- Bayou_Mama
Not Meant to Be
"A woman, in her twenties at the time, objected to her mom marrying my uncle. So she started yelling, 'Mom, don’t marry him!' during the ceremony."
"The ceremony proceeded, and some family on the mom’s side lead the daughter away to quit interrupting."
"I don’t blame her. My uncle was a lying, lazy bast**d. The marriage didn’t last."
- Rabies182
The Best Man Swap
"I went to a wedding where the best man was replaced a week before because he banged the bride. But the wedding still went ahead just with a different best man. They are divorced now."
- Tobias---Funke
Joke Gone Wrong
"I went to a Catholic wedding where, when the priest asked this question, one of the groomsmen did a VERY loud, long, throat clearing, which got everyone laughing."
"Everyone except for the bride's elderly Italian Grandmother, who marched out of her seat and angrily hit the groomsman with her handbag and shouted at him in Italian!"
- hundreddollar
Giving Away the Bride
"I objected. I took giving my sister away literally."
"I wasn't the brightest three-year-old."
- dookieshoes88
Wedding Invitation Revenge
"At my cousin's wedding, her friend said, 'I object,' because she was not invited to the wedding. She was kicked out of the wedding."
- SuvenPan
Hilarity Ensues
"Not quite the question as asked, but too funny to not share:"
"Priest: 'Any objections?'"
"Father of the bride: lets out the hardest, loudest, most complex-sounding sneeze I've ever heard in my life, completely with involuntarily saying, 'ACHOOOOOO!'"
"Mother of the bride, hammered on champagne: 'For f**k's sake, Jerry!'"
"It took a good five minutes for everyone to regain their composure."
- ibiacmbyww
The Bride Who Got Away
"I had a friend who was a minister, and the subject came up if he asked the question during ceremonies he officiated."
"He laughed and said no way. He basically tells the couple not to include it because it only invites a moment of anxiety at best, misery at worst."
"His best story (and one of the reasons he stopped including the question) was about a couple where in the lead-up to the wedding, the couple was obviously in love. The bride-to-be was very smiley and happy."
"But the day of the wedding, she was stone-faced. He (my minister friend) knew something is up because he’d never seen her like this and he asked if she was okay. She just said, 'I’m fine.'"
"Right before the service, he asked again, and 'I’m fine.'"
"He got to the question, 'Does anyone object to this union?'"
"The bride reached over, grabbed the Maid of Honor's hand, shoved her into the bride’s spot, and said, 'You’re screwing him, you marry him.'"
"Then she stormed out of the church."
- FDS_MTG
An Unforgettable Toast
"At his rehearsal dinner, a coworker's mother's toast included that his soon-to-be wife was a 'd**n dirty w**re who wasn't good enough' for her son. Folks were not happy. (The video ended so didn't see the whole thing.)"
"At the wedding which I attended, his mom started to say something at the 'speak now or' part but was silenced by her daughter. Mom left and didn't see the rest of the ceremony."
"Everything about that poor guy was drama."
- nebelhund
Period.
"Attended a wedding where the minister said something along the lines of, 'If anyone here objects to this marriage, you can keep your mouth shut. Today is not about you.'"
- Jinjoz
Bonus: Funeral Shenanigans
"Not a wedding, but at a funeral someone objected to the death."
"At my uncle’s funeral, his ex-wife and a local church [cult] leader tried to raise him from the dead. We were all sitting there like normal people at a normal funeral and she walks up to the casket and starts yelling, 'James Lester, raise up!'"
"I didn’t know she was there or I would’ve prepared myself for shenanigans. Also, I didn’t know my uncle’s middle name was Lester, so please imagine the confusion. So she and the cult leader are literally yelling at my uncle’s body."
"Not surprisingly, my uncle refused to resurrect himself. They were escorted out."
"I’ve actually never told this story because it makes my family look insane."
- HughSteele
The last thing a person wants is for their to be drama on their wedding day, but like any other major event, sometimes something will come up. But having someone try to put a stop to the wedding, in front of everyone, certainly will add a terrible note to the wedding day.
Financially speaking, most of us could benefit greatly from having extra money each month.
But where someone might assume that the extra money would just be wasted, most people would apply these funds to very practical purposes and expenditures.
Redditor dothepingu asked:
"What would you do if you had an extra $1,000 every month?"
Dental Care
"A couple of weeks ago, I went to the dentist and overheard a heartbreaking situation."
"The office had a very open floor plan with privacy screens rather than individual rooms. But you could still hear every single conversation."
"This teenage kid comes in and says that he has a broken crown that needs to be fixed."
"The dentist says that it will cost $700. Kid says he has to call his mom first."
"So the kid calls the mom, and the mom says, 'No way in h**l can we afford that. Just tell the dentist to stick the old one back on.'"
"The dentist is like, 'Are you sure? That's not really a thing. It's just gonna break off again.'"
"The mom says too bad, he has to live with it."
"If I had an extra $1000, I would have picked up that tab for that kid."
- taleofbenji
Practical Choices
"Pay off debts and save."
- luciliddream
"Exactly my thoughts, start actually being able to plan things and save money rather than being on the back foot all the time."
- thebeardeddrongo
Financial Pressure
"Worry less."
- Cool_Ranch_Dodrio
"Absolutely. Money just helps so much for lowering stress!"
- appleparkfive
Quality Time
"I'd ask my husband to take more time off work. We don't need the extra money, I'd rather have his company."
- Eve-3
Health Care
"Save more money and continue with my current lifestyle, except maybe also be able to get eye surgery for my worsening vision."
- Morbidhanson
A Little Self-Care
"I'd start actually getting my hair cut and colored by someone that's not me at 3:00 AM feeling brave."
- digitalisdaydream
"I feel attacked by this comment, it feels personally directed at me."
- friendlyghost_casper
Mental Healthcare
"Be able to take care of my and my wife's mental health a h**l of a lot better."
"Her therapy is important but expensive. I would love to make sure she had more appointments and the best care."
- onionleekdude
Time to Retire
"Retire. 1000 USD per month is LIFE CHANGING in the Philippines."
- Eleazarosaurus
Home Upgrade
"Probably move out of my uncle's shed."
- chunky_chumpkin
Mortgage Payment
"Make an extra mortgage payment; pay off this house twice as fast."
- HawaiianShirtsOR
Regular Meals
"I'd try out that three meals per day trend that people talk about."
- BeginningCap2333
"I'd settle for one meal a day and not living in my car."
- Desalvo23
"Dude. Been there for six months. One day we'll make it big. We'll sleep on a mattress and eat TWO meals a day."
"Like kings."
- CaptainFunktastic
Break Time
"I'd work fewer hours. I've been here for 32 years and haven't been able to take a vacation in over four years."
- The_Safe_For_Work
Providing for Family
"My mom recently became single, with three kids and a grandkid at home. She and two of the kids who live with her are unable to work because of severe health problems."
"I know she is constantly terrified about how she's going to pay the bills. I'd give her the $1,000 each month in a heartbeat."
- GiskardRayke
Man's Best Friend
"I'd finally be able to afford a dog."
- stoleyourspoon
...Ouch.
"Live instead of survive."
- Keanu_Christ
While there are millionaires in the world, or even just people who live very comfortably, most people are currently living paycheck-to-paycheck, give or take a few hundred dollars. And that $1,000 extra each month would make all the difference.
When love is on the rocks and there's no salvaging a relationship, it's better for a couple to call it splits.
Sometimes the reason for a breakup is obvious.
Other times, it's more complicated.
But the people involved going their separate ways is better than staying in an unhealthy relationship.
Curious to hear from ex-lovers who've been there, Redditor Lishasquarepant asked:
"What caused your last break-up?"
These Redditors found they and their significant other were no longer on the same page.
"Simply, we grew apart."
– catetheway
"Same, I feel like Michael Scott everytime I try to start another relationship. 'No question about it, I am ready to get hurt again.'"
– Gthew
Happier Apart
"Same. We loved each other like siblings, not spouses... Ugh! Lovely man though who now has a fab girlfriend. We are good friends and much happier apart."
– MoxieHasKnottyBits
No Regrets
"Same. And it f'king sucks, but that’s life. It’s been a year and I still hate every second that she’s not in my life, but at the same time I know she’s happier now than she would’ve been if we stayed together."
– throway35885328
Having no communication is the worst part.
Silent Partner
"He slowly got distant. I believe he lost interest and didn't dare be honest with me about that."
– GaiaNatur77
The Late Blame Game
"I had that happen as well, but then he pinned it on me being distant and not affectionate enough."
"My guy, if you pull your hand away every time I try to hold it, I'm gonna stop trying to hold it. And if I ask if something's up and you repeatedly tell me everything is fine, I'm going to believe you. Don't wait till I'm at my worst moment and then reveal you had issues with me for 3 months and break up with me for it being 'my fault.'"
– Billielolly
"Everything Is Fine"
"Oh man, the asking repeatedly and getting a 'nothing' reminds me of a story."
"My friend used to ask her ex this every time he was unusually quiet. He’d always say he was fine, then at one point, told her to stop asking because it was making him feel weird."
"So she did."
"Six months later he initiated a divorce because she didn’t care about his feelings anymore."
"Like…don’t ask for sh*t then get pissy when you get what you want."
– TheRealJackReynolds
And then there are those who were not invested in the relationship for a long time.
The Struggle Is Real
"He seemed to struggle with the concept of not f'king random people."
– spanglesandbambi
Leaving The Problem
"He moved to his country because he missed his family. So he only sent a WhatsApp message saying he was going to stay there. I would have preferred a call at least to break up a marriage."
– kattia12
New Life
"Something similar happened to my cousin. He married her in the US, they had a baby together.. a few years go by, he misses home, goes back to visit.. His family had an arranged marriage ready for him 🤦🏻♀️ He ended up with a new wife and new baby. Hasn’t came back."
– MysticalMom7
A Foreign Custom
"It just seems so surreal that a grown a** adult with a wife and baby would leave his family behind for an arranged marriage. I'll never fathom the mentality."
– ro0ibos2
Ouch
"I wasn't having sex near as often as she was."
– YourWordsMatter
Breaking up is hard to do.
But a good thing to remember is that love can be found again and the new relationship can be even better than the previous one.
And that's something that can't be recognized until you look back in retrospect.
We all have to kiss a few toads.