Relationships don't always last, and hurt and feelings of abandonment can be the price we pay for love. Situations can feel all the more painful once you realize you've been putting in more effort into a relationship than the other party––your "friends" might not really be your friends.
"What is your "I feel like these guys aren't really my friends" moment?" –– This was today's burning question asked by Redditor Agent47Hitman.
We're sorry in advance if some of these hit a bit too close to home.
Tried to invite them to an event I go to every year. Day of I go by myself and find out weeks later they went as a group without me.
"They don't contact me..."
They don't contact me at all unless I go out of my way to contact them first. They find any reason to not hang out. They claim we're good friends but it just feels like they just want to be able to say that I'm a friend without doing anything to be a friend.
"I decided to throw a Super Bowl party..."
I decided to throw a Super Bowl party a few years ago. I went out a bought a new grill and mounted a tv in the kitchen for people who wanted to hang out and snack while watching the game. Had tons of food and beer ready. 30 minutes before kickoff I got a text that the whole group decided to go to someone else's house and that I should bring all my food and beer over there. Needles to say, I didn't go, and I haven't thrown a party at my house since.
"When I was the constant butt of their jokes..."
When I was the constant butt of their jokes, and they were thinly veiled insults that they gaslighted me into thinking I made up or that they were actual jokes made out of love.
"One year I had a sleepover..."
An easy answer for me.
One year I had a sleepover party with a bunch of childhood friends from the neighborhood as a teen. It was really fun and I invited 15 or so kids, had to convince my parents and spent a ton of money to make it perfect for everyone. We went swimming in the pool, played dodgeball, kickball, had tons of food, had a nerf gun war, played pool, played video games, and watched movies. It was a blast and everyone was clearly enjoying themselves.
Then they tried to watch a horror movie that my parents would kill me if I saw it, and I objected for a while before reluctantly putting it on. I hated horror movies, too, but I wanted them to have fun. It was like 1 in the morning.
They got bored during the movie and asked if we could all go to the clubhouse (I lived in a gated community with a public clubhouse at the time) to meet up some girls in the middle of the night. I said that my parents would never let it happen and that I didn't want to get caught, so I told them we couldn't go. After that, about 5 of them left at like 2-3 am to go without me. They said they'd be "right back" and that "one of them needed their medicine so they went to get it." Within the hour, everyone was gone except me.
I was crushed, and too embarrassed to tell my parents, so I finally put on the movie I wanted to watch before going to sleep. In the morning my parents were furious because over a dozen kids that they had promised their parents would be at their house had disappeared without a trace. Sad and tired me had to call all of them to figure out where they were and let all of their parents know that they didn't spend the night. Even though my parents made me do it, a lot of them got mad at me for that. The worst part by far was figuring out that they had all went to a different kid's house to spend the night after leaving mine.
"Most of my friends..."
When you find out that people make plans regularly without you.
Most of my friends live a bit of a way away, so sometimes, those who live close together (or with each other) do stuff without me, which is fine, but we also do stuff together on a fairly regular basis. I've had friends who have just not bothered with the second part.
"I used to go out for dinner..."
I used to go out for dinner with some college friends.
Unlike me, they'd order multiple "call" drinks and the most expensive things on the menu.
Then, when the huge bill arrived, they'd say, "Let's just keep it simple and divide it equally." The guys knew I was paying double or triple what I should have, but that didn't seem to bother them.
"I was part of a group of friends."
I was part of a group of friends. About 20 of us would get together at least once a month but cliques started forming within the group and I found myself in the middle of them. I lived about 30 min away from most of them so sometimes they'd hang out without me even though I told them I'd drive to hang out. I never got invited.
The final straw was planning my birthday, sent a FB invite to the group and mutual friend/acquaintances only to be "reminded" by an acquaintance that one of my friends from the group was having a big party that same day. I wasn't invited to that party. I still had mine with the few good friends I (still) have and I haven't really talked to the other group since.
"Made me realize..."
When I was hanging out with my real friends and felt at ease and calm with them.
Made me realize that my other friends gave me anxiety.
"I didn't invite a ton of people..."
My wife and I had a small wedding. I didn't invite a ton of people but I invited 15 or so friends. Besides my best man, only one showed up. What's worse is that all these people said they were coming. I no longer put effort towards those friendships.