Fed Up People Reveal What Made Them Break Up With Their Best Friend
Nothing lasts forever, not even friendship. Ending a friendship can feel a lot like a death, or a bad breakup - because, in a way, that's exactly what they are. When you're close to someone, losing them is going to hurt, even if it's the best thing. Luckily, it usually (not always) takes a lot for a solid friendship to come to an end. One Reddit user asked:
What caused you to break up or cut ties with a close friend?
And the answers got really personal, infuriating, sad, and maybe even a little bit empowering and inspirational.
I Wasn't Supportive
This one actually makes me really upset, because in hind sight, I was the a**.
Had a friend who just started to become insufferable. He wouldn't shut up about his car. It was his pride and joy, and honestly it was nothing special. It was a 100% stock VW Golf he got very used in high school that his parents bought him. Everything became about cars, he didn't really talk about anything else, and about how his car was so amazing.
In hind sight, I look back and realize his home life was falling apart. His father had become addicted to drugs, his parents ended up divorcing, they had to move out of their house because his mother couldn't afford it on her own, and just turned into a absolute horrible situation. By this time, I had already become much more distant and everything just kinda clicked. He was likely burying himself in something he enjoyed as some kind of escapism.
Makes me feel horrible I wasn't more supportive and didn't maintain contact.
The Wrong Kind Of Encouragement
When I mentioned to her in passing that an attorney I worked with was an attractive older man, she encouraged me to cheat on my husband with him.
I'm not about that life.
The Ring
She stole and hawked my engagement ring for drug money.
The ring belonged to my fiances mother, her mother, and her mothers mother, I was going to be the 4th woman to wear it on their wedding day, and we were going to keep passing it on to the 5th generation.
That was 3 months ago, and we've had no luck finding it.
Faded
We just faded off. No big fight, no break up, just little by little stopped talking. I'd like to try and give a reason why that happened, like it was a one sided friendship or I realized he was a jerk, but I can't...and I think that's what still sort of hurts about it seeing as we were friends for almost 20 years.
Both of us have tried a few times to get back in touch, but its always tepid and never lasts more than a half hour phone call or two. I think the friendship is just dead at this point. We've both changed too much from who we were in the past and have moved on.
A Sh!tty Aunt
She started only hanging out when it benefited her. I would take her to concerts and we'd do a bunch if fun stuff. Then when I was pregnant we only hung out to get food and she always said she would always be there for my kid. She showed up once after my daughter was born, then once at her first birthday. The last time I saw her was at my daughter's second birthday. THAT'S WHERE SHE TRIED TO GET MY HUSBAND INTO A THREESOME WITH HER GIRLFRIEND. WHILE AT MY DAUGHTERS BIRTHDAY?!?
She pretends to be gay to get guys, really hurts her female partners all the time. She uses people, and was a sh!tty "aunt" to my kid. When I told her I was moving from Texas to new England she hit me up the day I was leaving to hang out. I haven't talked to her since and she hasn't tried to contact me.
Rent
This happened about 5 years ago I'm 30 now, I had been friends with a girl since grade 1. At one point she had been seeing a guy for 6 years and I was really good friends with him too. We rented a house together, my room was downstairs and payed $1000/mnth they were upstairs in master and payed $1150 between the two.
About 3 years in, the owner wanted to sell and offered us first dibs. We talked about it, made a plan of how the contract would work if one party wanted to sell or rent their part, but made a plan to Reno and sell in 4 years/ split profits.
But then, behind my back, they borrowed some money from family and just bought it for themselves. Then had the nerve later on to ask if I wanted to make some "advanced rent payments" to help them repay what they borrowed. Strike one.
Move forward about two years, I just let bygones be bygones. I decided it was time to move in with my girlfriend. I gave them notice and offered to pay that whole month and 10 days of rent into the next. Wasn't good enough and they said I would have to pay them all of the moving month and all of the next months rent because they weren't given enough time.
I've been paying you "rent" for 2 years for a house we were supposed to co-own, now you want $2000+ for me being there for 10 days? They knew I had to pay another $3600 for starting to rent a new place. I gave plenty of notice.
Their response was it just business, we can still be friends but if you don't pay us we will go to court.
So I told them to go f*&^ themselves, gave them the rent for one month plus $700 for next month where I would not be there at all and cut them as friends. Told them to try and take me to court as we weren't in any rental contract.
Ran into them once since then - at a wedding. The guy tried to be friendly. My response was:
"I hope the money I paid you was good to you and worth the awkwardness it caused in our friends circle because it messed with me for a few months. But it's just business."
He had no response just moved on to the next person he knew.
One Sided Friendship
I realize that I'm doing everything to keep the friendship going. I make all the plans, I make the calls, send the texts, invite the person, start the conversations, etc.
It has got to go both ways. If it's one sided you're using me or you don't like me and feel bad for me. Either way, I don't want to be your friend.
The Ex
I realize I was emotionally dependent on him (close friend who's also an ex) and that wasn't helping my existing romantic relationship. In hindsight, I was trying to hold onto him and wasn't ready to let go.
It took me too long ( and lots of argument with my existing SO) to realize it .
Cutting him out of my life to focus on my existing SO improve our relationship and it's the BEST THING I EVER DID
Manipulation
Recently I cut ties with a friend of mine because they were manipulative. All they caused me was emotional pain and made me feel miserable constantly. And they were trying to stay friends even though they didn't want to because they wanted to make up for the pain they caused. However, their attempts at being friendly were very unconvincing as they obviously hate me. So I cut ties with them earlier this week and have been feeling great ever since
Attention Hog
He repeatedly was talking s*** about me, making up all kinds of stories, etc. He was mad because a girl liked me.
Thing is, he didn't even LIKE the girl. He wasn't interested in her, he just didn't like it when the attention wasn't on him. At that point, he began to make up stories and paint me as a completely self-centered a**hole.
That was really the nail on the head of the relationship.
ADHD Medicine
College roommate stole my ADHD medicine. He made fun of me behind my back when I had bad days because I had no meds. I found out it was him years later because he was still laughing about it 5 years after we graduated.
He never even apologized after I called him out. I suspect he was too ashamed. I still talk to him every now and then, but I will never have his back ever again. He's nothing more than an acquaintance and I'll never respect him again.
The Feels
Ah... I got a bad case of the feels and decided that being friends with him would feed those feelings and that it would be better to slowly fade out of his life. He was just too kind and sweet and my heart couldn't take it anymore. Just typing this makes me tear up because I just so desperately want to be friends but being friends also makes me miserable because I want more. Hah.. hopefully I'll stop liking him at some point.
Thanks, Mom
She'd cheat on her boyfriend while his mother was paying for her studies. She was, and remains to be, the worst.
Justifying Divorce
She said my marriage hadn't been bad enough to justify a divorce - because it hadn't ever gotten physically violent. Like I was supposed to stay in an awful situation just because he hadn't hit me? He cheated on me while my mom was dying of cancer! This friend knew that, and every gory detail of how bad the marriage was.
I have zero regrets about the divorce, but it hurt to lose a close friend like that.
The Cool Kids
He became one of the hot shots in high school, hanging out with the cool kids. Left me in the dust. We just kind of stopped talking. I'm not bitter, but I have no desire to reconnect.
Kat Von D Lipstick
She called me a Nazi sympathizer for wearing Kat Von Dee lipstick and then went on a major rant about how North Korea is a paradise and all the reported atrocities toward human rights is a lie made up by the West because white people are evil.
Cheater
He cheated on his pregnant wife.
Infertility
Wife and I got pregnant with twins on our first try, they had been trying for ~ a year before that. The jealousy when we told them was too much for them to hide or overcome.
Literally the first words out of her mouth were "I hate you". Jokingly of course, but also not really. They never were able to get out of that phase. Every comment was shrouded in jealousy and contempt. They slowly started canceling plans more and more frequently, then we weren't invited to a party (I was a groomsman in their wedding the previous year) so that message was received pretty loud and clear.
Last update (almost 3 years later) they are starting the adoption process.
I get that infertility can be tough. But we were nothing but supportive and sensitive. We made sure not to mention their situation or ask questions, we specifically didn't talk about our pregnancy, and tried our best to just act the way we've always acted. But it was too much for them. I just can't imagine doing something like that to any of my friends in a similar situation.
Talking Sh!t
I changed my discord name and they didn't know. So when I joined the chat they didn't realize I was there. They where all talking s*** about me. I heard it all and i haven't talked to them since.
H/T: Reddit