Employees Reveal The Most Epic And Embarrassing Work Meltdowns They've Ever Seen
Employees Reveal The Most Epic And Embarrassing Work Meltdowns They've Ever Seen
[rebelmouse-image 18345620 is_animated_gif=Piling stress on top of stress only contributes to a very tenuous state of being. You can easily break under pressure at any minute. And where are you most apt to do this? At the source of your stress: work.
Flaxmoore was morbidly curious and asked Reddit:
And here were some of the stories.
Plowing Over
[rebelmouse-image 18348795 is_animated_gif=I work for my local municipality. Coworker was driving one of those sidewalk plows. He was ready to retire any day (65+) and it was garbage day. What a lot of people don't realize is when you place your bins on the sidewalk that the guy plowing the sidewalk has to stop, get out and move the bins then continue. More often than not you're doing this for EVERY driveway.
He was ready to retire and was having a bad day. He said f-ck it. Drove down the sidewalk and crushed every single blue box that was on the sidewalk. He did one street, drove the machine back to the depot and parked it. Got in his car and drove downtown and quit. Didn't tell the foreman or any of us, just said f-ck it and quit.
I miss him.
Meaningless
[rebelmouse-image 18348796 is_animated_gif=Writing financial software in the 80s. The systems analyst sitting at her desk near me suddenly burst into tears and wailed "it's all so pointless - money doesn't mean anything!"
Ring The Bell
[rebelmouse-image 18348797 is_animated_gif=I worked at a fast food joint while in high school. One of my coworkers was this guy who was really friendly, but also really strange. He was obsessed with being a "straight edge" kid and drew the Xs on his hands, and the whole nine yards. He had a high pitched, but pleasant voice, and spoke in an overly polite manner.
Anyway, he had put in his two weeks and on his last day he was working the front counter register. This lady walks up to order and he just stares at her. After a few seconds she says "Umm... can you take my order?" In his very calm and polite voice he says "Oh, I am sorry ma'am, but I cannot." There was another awkward pause and she says "Ummm... well why not?" He responds with "....BECAUSE I AM A DINOSAUR!!!"
He immediately started growling and roaring at her, and he walked back and forth behind the counter like a T-Rex. He did this until the GM who was back making food realized what was going on. On her way up to the counter he calmly clocked out and left. The GM had to apologize over and over again to the poor woman trying to order.
Narnia
[rebelmouse-image 18348798 is_animated_gif=I wasn't there to see it, but my coworkers have talked about "the cabinet incident." Last year was my first year of teaching, and I was working in a low-income inner city school. People kept saying to me "there's no way you could possibly be worse than the last girl we had." When I asked what they meant, I was told that a few years prior the principal had hired a first year teacher. Apparently one day she got so overwhelmed and upset by the behavior of her class that she chucked a ream of paper out the window and then ran into the back room, shut herself in a big cabinet and cried. Her class was unsupervised for a while (apparently none of the kids had told anyone what happened) and when the principal found her, she was curled up on the floor of the cabinet, rocking back and forth and sobbing. Clearly, she was fired soon after that.
I didn't stay at that school longer than a year because the principal was the equivalent of Satan, but when I left she said to me "despite all the s* you were put through this year from your kids, you're the first teacher I can remember who I never saw cry at school." I'll take that as a compliment, I suppose.
It Wasn't His Fault
[rebelmouse-image 18348799 is_animated_gif=Working a retail summer job. A forklift driver was moving a skid of pickled eggs that wasn't wrapped properly. It fell, and a ton of juice and eggs went everywhere. Manger comes out and does the "takes off hat and throws it on the ground while yelling GAAAWWWW DAAAAMN IT." After he went full Gunnery Sergeant Hartman on the dudes -ss for f-cking up. It was enough to make him cry and quit the next day.
Like A Robot
[rebelmouse-image 18348802 is_animated_gif=This guy in a restaurant kitchen got in a fist fight with a younger guy, punched him in the face, backed up, started shaking his face and doing the Scooby-Doo voice. He was nuts. I broke it up and took the other guy out of the kitchen to separate them and came back ten minutes later and the crazy guy had perfectly cleaned his area - like freaking spotless - and clocked out early and never returned. Never seen or heard from him. Never picked up his last paycheck. Weirdest sh-t I've ever seen.
Alarm
[rebelmouse-image 18348803 is_animated_gif=New hire in her first week rubs coworkers the wrong way, acting as though she's the hottest thing to hit our restaurant since food its self.
When told her schedule for the next day, she argued with the manager about her availability. Threats of litigation start coming out of no where.
She approaches two police officers who are trying to enjoy their meal completely in tears, breaking down and begging them to arrest our manager for firing her unjustly. The helped escort her out of the building.
Not Worth £5
[rebelmouse-image 18348804 is_animated_gif=First, this involves the new £5 notes. For those who don't know, they're polymer notes, and if you fold them up they tend to stay folded. Its important for the story.
I served a customer, a friendly old man with white hair, who paid with a folded £5. I put it in the till. A few minutes later my boss was in the till and saw the folded note.
He decided that the folds meant it had been rolled up into a tube to snort with. He was absolutely adamant. I said no, I just took that note, from an old man. He started yelling, rolling the note up in his fingers to make a tube, shouting at me, "Look! It rolls up like this! Don't tell me I don't know what I'm talking about! Don't tell me I'm wrong!" He kept shouting at me, basically waiting for me to apologize and back down, say I was wrong. But I wasn't so I didn't.
He wound up storming off, throwing things and slamming things. He's f-cking insane and I should have complained but there would be no point, everyone knows what he's like and no one cares.
W.H.A.T.
[rebelmouse-image 18348805 is_animated_gif=My boss was pretty tightly wrapped. One day I came into the restroom and there she was in a stall smearing her poop on the floor (I recognized her rings) and muttering. When she was finished, she cleaned up the worst of it off the floor, somehow got dressed with her icky hands, got washed, and went back to work.
Pettiness
[rebelmouse-image 18348806 is_animated_gif=During grad school a professor in my department had a doctoral student who'd been there a few years, had passed candidacy exams and was writing up the dissertation.
I still don't know what truly caused the argument, but they ended up having a shouting matching in the hallway in our academic building one day. Allegedly student wanted to publish results and prof said no because they actually corrected a previously published theory he had first authored. Major fireworks.
Student ends up switching to a new lab, refuses to let professor have the lab / research notes, and wrote up his dissertation using the original data funded by the original prof under a different prof (a big deal, again).
Huge drama.
That professor submitted his tenure packet one year later. It was unanimously approved by the dept and college.... the provost rejected it, because this former student went to the provost with the prof's original paper, student's data, the still-unsubmitted manuscript the student had written up...everything.
The uni had a rule that if you don't get tenure you have to leave....prof never could get hired in the states after that and had to go back to his home country in the Middle East.
Don't Scream
[rebelmouse-image 18348807 is_animated_gif=When I was an intern we had a high priority project come through that my mentor was working on. Really fast turn around with many late nights, shitty coffee, and good beer. Anyway it was towards the end of the project and I was finishing bring up on the board at my bench when I heard him muttering quietly to himself. I looked up to see if he needed me and watched him absolutely POUND a computer monitor with his fist then grab it, smash it down on the floor before stomping on it screaming "Theres no god damn DRC error!"
He calmed down after a bit, got a beer then requested a new monitor. Thats when I learned that no matter. How mad you are screaming at Altium will not make your sleep deprivation better.
So Fired
[rebelmouse-image 18348808 is_animated_gif=I had a coworker freak out on a customer. I used to be a cashier, and people used to tend to treat us like sh-t. Anyway, the lady got pissy because she couldn't price match some doritos because it was the wrong size or something. Anyway it escalates, we cant find the csm and a few minutes later they are screaming at each other. The cashier's parting words were "I ain't f-cking price matching your doritos! You don't even need those doritos"
Needless to say, that was her last day.
In Contempt
[rebelmouse-image 18348809 is_animated_gif=I was in court (lawyer) and we were arguing a motion and requesting sanctions against Plaintiff's attorney. The judge starts talking and dressing down the Plaintiff's attorney... who, now offended, decided it would be a great idea to interrupt the judge, insult the judge, and flat out told him "You were too stupid to make it in private practice and you do not know what the f-ck you are doing."
She had been licensed for all of 3 years.
She is no longer licensed.
Don't Mess With Howard
[rebelmouse-image 18348810 is_animated_gif=I'm in radio and one of the group of stations I worked at had an oldies station, a rock station and a pop station in the same building. We had an announcer who was really eager and wanted to learn and work and was really a great guy, but the big bosses were total jerks to him and were stuck in their old ways of doing things. They treated the announcer (we'll call him Howard) really poorly and Howard used to come in and vent about it. He ended up getting hired at another station but before he left, he went into the music libraries and replaced all the Led Zeppelin songs on the rock station with a gospel song from the oldies station called, "Trumpets Of Jesus." For an entire weekend, any time Led Zeppelin was supposed to play, Trumpets Of Jesus played instead. Howard has since gone on to become program director and has won all kinds of leadership awards... total legend!
Take Him Down
[rebelmouse-image 18348811 is_animated_gif=I use to work in a kitchen in an old folks home. I had a manager named Edward who was a know it all piece of uninformed sh-t. I had a co-worker named E who had a very serious medical condition and required a certain medication at certain points of the day.
Edward didn't like E or the fact that she needed to keep her medication on her person. One day E forgot her medication and begged to run home and retrieve it. Edward smugly denied her and told her to finish work. So she tried and ended up briefly collapsing. She was okay but very weak and disoriented.
Edward grabbed her by her arm, escorted her to her car handed her the keys and told her to leave. Then he left. To go tell anyone that would listen that E was on drugs and he smelled booze on her. E was in the parking lot and called her mom to take her to the hospital. E was only 20 and very scared.
E was discharged that night after some fluids and came back the next day upon hearing what Edward told everyone about her. She stormed into HR screaming for them to bring Edwards -ss in the office IMMEDIATELY. As soon as he was called in she whipped her nametag at him. I obviously lingered close by like a nosey b-tch. She was screaming at the top of her lungs that Edward denied her to go home to get her medication, that was on file and hr was very aware of, and how f-cking dare he accuse her of being a drug addict. And if he really believed she was under the influence of something how stupid was he to put her in a car on the company's property leaving them liable for her damages. At this point much noise can be heard- as all 3 of them are screaming full force at one another.
She threatened legal action and stormed out. Well she did take legal action. For a ton of sh-t including putting a clearly ill person behind the wheel. Not too long after this I also quit. And a few months later Edward was no longer employed by the kitchen but rather was working as a deli boy in the local grocery store.
I don't know what happened with Es lawsuit but I hope that place and Edward got everything they deserved.
Silent Meltdown
[rebelmouse-image 18348812 is_animated_gif=I worked in IT and one guy, who was one of the most chilled guys I knew, was responsible for the deployment, updates and maintenance of a specific product that generated high revenue.
One afternoon I was sitting at my desk and just heard a big crash and saw one of his 3 monitors on the floor. He stood up, shoved the next monitor over the divider onto the next sections desk, then swiped the third monitor off the other side, picked up his keyboard and smashed it as hard as he could, kicked his chair away and slowly, and calmly walked out the department, without saying a word.
He came back to work the next day as if nothing happened. Everyone knew the pressure he was under and was very good at his job so nobody said a thing.
I Didn't Do It
[rebelmouse-image 18348813 is_animated_gif=In high school I worked at a grocery store and this kid was all pissed off at another bagger and swearing in front of the customers. He said he was hoping he'd get fired. I told him he should quit before he gets fired so that it would look better on his resume in the future. A few minutes later I realized he was missing, then suddenly he comes around the corner from the managers office, no longer in uniform (he threw his uniform in the trash in front of the manager) then he looked at me and said loudly "I took your advice" then proceeded to walk across the front end, point to each associate saying "F-ck you" to each of them and walked out. Everyone was staring at me after and I said "I did not tell him to do THAT!"
Louder Than Words
[rebelmouse-image 18346220 is_animated_gif=Actually it was the quietest most calm meltdown, but it screamed of anger and frustration.
So I used to work in a bank's call center. A colleague of mine came in the morning (he came in late and didn't even have his coffee) and logged in. The first caller was a rude -sshole who started screaming obscenities so early in the morning. My colleague without saying a word, hung up the phone while the customer was still talking, logged off and put his headset on the table. He walked calmly and get a pen and paper, wrote his resignation and handed it over to his supervisor alongside his access card. He walked out the call center and never came back. All of this without saying a single word.
It was the embodiment of the phrase "action speaks louder than words."
Too Much
[rebelmouse-image 18348814 is_animated_gif=Best I've seen was my 7th grade math teacher. There was a girl who always talked in class. She got moved to the front at some point and she was laughing and giggling as always. After being told to be quiet about 8 times, the teacher is standing front and center in front of her, back to her and writing an example on the board. Girl has one of those plastic pencil boxes all the girls used to decorate sitting on the front corner of her desk.
The teacher just cracked. In one smooth motion he spins around, yells SHUT UP and smacks the box as hard as he can and it goes flying 15 feet across the room, smashes into the wall. Pencils. Freaking. Everywhere. He swiftly walks to the door, slams it shut and we could hear pounding on the wall. One brave kid peeks out the window....dude was banging his head against the wall.
About 2 minutes later, he walks back in. Crickets, not a noise in the classroom. He begins walking around picking up every single pen and pencil, puts them all in the box, places it gently on her desk....And then just continues the example like the nothing ever happened. It was exquisite.
Union Rep
[rebelmouse-image 18348815 is_animated_gif=Not saw but had. I was about 7 months pregnant and had just recently been moved to a different office. The new office had all kinds of rules no one informed me or my fellow coworkers of and I kept getting hauled into the office to be told off for things I didn't even know I was doing wrong. Now, if it was just friendly reminders I wouldn't have had a problem but my supervisor was this high and mighty b-tch that kept belittling me and trying to make me feel bad, and kept commenting on how I wasn't fit for this job (keeping in mind I had been doing it for over 2 years at this point with the no problems). Time before the blow out she said I'd be written up next time she has to talk to me.
So I'm working away, trying my damnedest to not f-ck up cuz I really don't want to be written up and I honestly couldn't handle anymore stress. Well I get called into the office with her and our union rep and I see a notice on her desk. I LOST IT. I starting yelling and crying and listing off all the horrible things she's been putting me through and how it was unfair for her to treat me like this and how half the sh-t I wasn't even told about.
I think I actually started having a panic attack during the whole ordeal and told the union rep some of the comments she made to me over the past few months. It felt good to get it out and finally put her in her place. She was so taken aback that I stood up for myself (read: freaked the f-ck out) that I ended up being sent home early cuz they were worried about my baby's wellbeing. The notice turned out to just be a list of expectations (only 6 months late) which I had to read and sign but she left me alone after that.
If You Can't Help Yourself...
[rebelmouse-image 18348816 is_animated_gif=One day when I listened to a call this woman had a very slow meltdown over the phone that ended in her in sobs. The caller didn't hear something she said and asked her to repeat herself. My coworker repeated herself in a really irritated tone and then says "why does everyone want me to be mean today?" To the caller. The girl on the other line is obviously confused and asked her if she was having a bad day and if she needed to speak to someone else. She then says NO and that she will be the one helping her...
It gets worse.
She bombs this call. Like totally does not do her job correctly and makes this painfully obvious to the point where the caller says that she will help her figure this out together and to not cry anymore (this was a help desk type job for other employees). Well they don't and she ends up crying and you can hear her snap at someone else in the office which obviously has the caller insanely concerned. My coworker goes on a rant about how people are hateful and that she hates this job and that it's too hard for her to do (it wasn't really easy for everyone) and tells the caller she's going to be transferred...
We had to call back and issue the caller an apology, she responded by asking if my coworker was going to be okay. We said yes but no, she wasn't. The office manager ended up having to fire her for another call where she was complaining and abusing the caller. Before she was fired she was told she could use her benefits to speak to a counselor because she kept having outbursts bay work and everyone was getting worried about her, she said this wasn't the first time she heard that and didn't know why people kept saying it......
I still think about her (this was 2 years ago) and wonder if she ever got help.
Drinking On The Job
[rebelmouse-image 18348817 is_animated_gif=When I was in college, I worked at an animal hospital. One week, the boss/owner was on vacation and several coworkers joked about having a "liquid lunch" together one day. One girl thought it was such a good idea that she brought a bottle of vodka back to work from her break. She tried to get us all to drink together, while on the clock, but no one else participated. So she was butthurt and drank herself into oblivion. She made an absolute fool of herself. During all this, she hid one person's wallet, asked me on a date, cursed two people out, spun herself around in circles on the floor like a drunk break dancer, and puked all over the only employee bathroom and passed out. The office manager helped her to the couch to sleep it off.
As most folks were leaving for the day, she woke up and snuck out to her car and flew out of the parking lot, almost hitting a coworker. She floored it down the road and eventually ran over a large curb, which messed her small car up, and she left it and walked to a friend's house.
Yeah, she got canned the second the boss got back, and even acted surprised about it....go figure!
Appreciate Your Teachers
[rebelmouse-image 18348818 is_animated_gif=I went to a private high school. The teachers having 12 to 14 hour days plus their grading wasn't at all weird. One of my teachers ended up completely snapping one day in the middle of the school year. He went on a full on rant at one of his classes because they wouldn't stop talking. He was so angry the entire class of about 30 students was being yelled at full volume for 45 minutes of their class time because of this and left them all in complete shock. For the first 20 minutes of my class period he sat there, quietly, without addressing the class. I've never seen a group of 20 teenagers so silent in my life and I'm sure I'll never see it again.
Only One Bad Day
[rebelmouse-image 18348819 is_animated_gif=My ex co worker.
We work in an office and this one day she must have just been in a bad mood. We were due to have a staff meeting and she was supposed to arrange it all, hand out agendas, prepare the conference room, lock up etc. It was about 10:05 and the meeting was at 10. My boss, who was also in a bad mood, came down to reception and asked what the hell was going on. She just flipped out on him. She threw a bunch of paperwork at him and just started shouting about how she's fed up of him and is quitting. She then storms out of the office. My boss just stood there, then turned around and went back to his office.
The rest of the staff made our way to the conference room for this meeting and as we were sat there, it was really intense and awkward and deathly silent. We were all just looking at our boss waiting for him to react. Surprisingly he stayed super calm.
Next thing we know, we hear someone unlock the front door and come in, we assumed it was this lady. We then start to hear furious typing. I mean, she must have been slamming her fingers on the keyboard because we could all hear it from upstairs.
So we all just sat there listening to this noise, still deathly silent. Eventually it stopped and this lady storms up the stairs and throws her quitting notice at my boss and leaves again.
My boss just looks at it calmly, then finally addresses the rest of us and just said that he will not tolerate being spoken to the way she spoke to him and that was pretty much it. We carried on the day as normal.
Still makes me laugh to think about it. That was a good day.
People's Absolute Worst Vacation Destinations
Reddit user ITSSAMMYG asked: 'What was your worst ever holiday destination?'
Traveling for most people is a wonderful adventure, full of new experiences, sights, and memories.
But even for the best travelers, there are bound to be some flop destinations along the way.
Redditor ITSSAMMYG asked:
"What was your worst ever holiday destination?"
Canberra
"Canberra. Not a bad holiday overall, there just wasn't much to do. It's such a weird place."
- Capital-Rhubarb
"If you're a nerd like me, then you never get tired of visiting Canberra. All the national institutions, museums, galleries, libraries, courts, parliaments new and old, decent food and beer, and beautiful walks around the lake. Not a touristy place at all for most people, but I love it."
- pistola
"Absolutely agree. Canberra should theoretically be a great city… but it’s just a bit... off?"
- aimztw
Las Vegas
"Las Vegas. The Douchebag Capital of America. When all our kids were in summer camps, my wife wanted to go on a lark. I've been to multiple conventions here, so it's old hat to me."
"The weather was actually unusually mild for late June, so no complaints there. But, having been to LV on both business and pleasure now, every visit follows the same pattern."
"Day One: Oh, cool. Neon! Wayne Newton! Weird architecture! Naked excess!"
"Day Two: Okay. Yeah, seen that and done that. And no, I don't want to deal with a gauntlet of guys handing me t*tty flyers as I walk down the street. F**k, I just want to have a drink in peace without somebody's rowdy bachelor party going on two tables over."
"And I really am bothered watching that 80-something woman feed quarters into a slot machine for fourteen consecutive hours. She was there this morning, she was there when I went back to my room, and now she's there at 10 tonight. Like she's grown a taproot or something. That woman's the real Las Vegas, not what you see in the ads. This place is like a really f**king hot Gatlinburg with slot machines."
"Day Three: Get me out of this place. Red Rocks. The Hoover Dam. Any place but this soul-sucking, tacky-a**ed, gimcrack s**thole. Short of Gary, Indiana, or a Calcutta slum, this has to be the most depressing place on the planet."
- AnybodySeeMyKeys
"The perfect way to do Vegas is to fly in early on a Saturday, do all the pool stuff, or golf, or see some of the sights. Have a nice lunch, and maybe play some games. Eat a really nice dinner, gamble and drink all night, and fly out before noon the next day. One night, in and out."
- SeeYouOn16
Gatlinburg
"Gatlinburg/Pigeon Forge, Tennessee."
"I went a few times in the 90s and it was great. Nice hiking, beautiful views, and a secluded cabin. Just nice and relaxing."
"I went again in 2018 and you couldn’t pay me enough to ever go anywhere near there again. Traffic is a nightmare, tourist trap, s**tty food, crowded hiking trails, the views are littered with McMansion-style 'cabins.'"
"And our 'secluded cabin with mountain views' we went down in a valley with 10 other cabins. Our Mountain View was out of one window on the top floor if you looked up at the right angle. Worst vacation ever, I couldn’t wait to leave."
- PhobiaToyBox
Marmaris
"Marmaris, Turkey."
"Just constant harassment from locals who assume you're rich and my Black mate would be called Eddie Murphy or Micheal Jordan (which he thought was kinda funny as he's a short a**)."
"Such a dirty overcrowded s**t hole."
- Hankstinkbuckle
Liechtenstein
"Liechtenstein. It wasn't bad, just not very interesting."
"Also, both my friends and I got horrific food poisoning in a café before heading to the airport to fly home. We all had the s**ts, and I even ended up vomiting into the X-ray tray when going through security, causing me to miss my flight. Not my finest holiday."
- TheWouldBeMerchant
Dominican Republic
"I went to a destination wedding at a resort in the Dominican Republic. I paid full price for a room that wasn’t as nice as advertised (jungle view is actually a vista of more damn buildings) and they wouldn’t stop pestering us to attend timeshare sales meetings."
"It wasn’t safe to venture off the resort. Never going back."
- BlueLarkSpur_1929
"In Dominican Republic, my friend's parents paid for a guided tour, and at the end of the trip, the guide took all of their money and valuables."
"He was meant to have been really funny and charismatic, they thought he was joking at first."
- TheRealSlabsby
Jordan
"My Jordan experience was sexist."
"I have to say everywhere I've been to has been great, but, speaking for my ex-wife, I'd have to say Jordan."
"She surprised me for my 30th Birthday with a trip to Jordan. She also wanted to prove that the scene in Indian Jones (the third one, I think?) in Petra is real."
"The hotel staff was very condescending to my wife, looking at me to 'take over' and handle it. Kept asking me questions while she was standing right in front of them. At one point, she went down to get money off the credit card and they refused her. I took HER, not my, credit card and they gave me money without batting an eye."
"Tour guides were very unresponsive to her questions, and conversation, and engaged me as a tour guide would."
"We decided to head out a day early, not much to do after ruins and Petra. She called the airlines, and they refused to change the tickets, informing her there was no room. She went into Karen mode to no avail. Frustrated, she hung up the phone after probably 30 minutes."
"Something told me I should call them. I called right after her, and they were more than happy to put us on an earlier flight."
"We got... extra security... when we left. We were used to random questions, passport checks. That comes with traveling the world."
"First, an armed guard did the passport checks, asking us all sorts of questions about WHY caps on purpose, we went here, and WHY we went there. Very aggressive. Consulted with another armed guard and let us go. Then, while sitting down, a uniformed military person say down next to us and started questioning us."
"I would definitely go again, but I would advise my significant other about the experience."
- ReticenceDriftShadow
Albania
"Albania 2022. It was full of trash, scammers, and s**t quality everything. All the cities are so worn down and everything is concrete grey. No beautiful old towns like Croatia, Spain, and Italy."
"Every beach we visited was full of jetski jerks, waterbikes, and garbage. All the restaurants/bars/beach clubs were competing to play the loudest music. The only thing tolerable to enjoy was some scenic nature when driving far away from everything, but still, you would walk around in garbage if you stepped out of the car."
"And that rental car was moldy and s**t to drive. We had booked a newer model car, but that was stuck on a truck in France (sure thing) but we would get a 100 euro refund and get a very nice car instead. It looked like a bear had attacked the car. We're still waiting for that refund. Hate it!"
- ColdFeedPotatoe
Branson, Missouri
"Branson, Missouri. I will never go again until I'm a senior citizen."
- el_monstrueo
"I’ve said that for years. It’s only fun if you’re under 12 or over 70."
"I had a great time at Silver Dollar City a couple of times as a kid. Then I went in my mid-20s and thought I would die of boredom."
"Now, in my 40s, I’d enjoy more of the rural-type things near there, like fishing, boating, kayaking, hiking, etc. But you would not get me anywhere near that awful Branson main drag."
- mmm_unprocessed_fish
Venice, Italy
"Venice in mid-June eight or nine years ago. The city itself is impressive and the architecture is marvelous, but it was terribly crowded, full of tourists and street scammers/ suspicious ambulant vendors, also everything was at least twice as expensive as other lovely but more low profile places we saw in Italy."
- Latham_Scandelieus
Southern Illinois
"I went to Southern Illinois at Christmas time. First time I'd been there. Flat, desolate, brown, and f**king cold. It's like being on a s**t version of the moon where everything f**king sucks. Awful."
"I went there in spring once though, it was lovely."
- Doctor_WhiskyMan
Delhi
"Delhi. Unfortunately stayed in the worst part and almost lost my leg the first night we were there."
"I was in a tuk-tuk crash and had I not been a tourist and looking around, I wouldn’t have seen it a moment before it happened and my leg would have been crushed between the tuk-tuk and the road barrier. The whole side of it crumpled in and needed lifting back onto the road. Very frightening."
- ItsYaBoyTC
Jamaica
"Jamaica. Upon leaving the resort it was immediately obvious that the place was unsafe for tourists. The resort itself was adequate and we didn't mind staying within the bubble, someone with plans to explore the island was sure to be disappointed or dead or both."
- cutelyaware
"My wife and I went to pick Ocho Rios for our honeymoon. Our room was a 'jungle view,' meaning it was in the part of the property across the road from the main hotel and restaurants. They had golf carts that you called to bring you back and forth. We were warned not to cross on our own, as once we left the gate, we were subject to police harassment or getting assaulted by local criminals."
- pedantic_dullard
Sihanoukville
"Sihanoukville, Cambodia. We left after one night despite having booked for longer. Empty, abandoned concrete skyscraper shells and loads of Chinese who are Triads. Horrible experience."
- Davelydelicious
While traveling is an important and enriching experience for a person to learn more about someone else's culture and beliefs, it's clear that there are some experiences that will be had that are better off not being repeated.
While we can all dream that there is the perfect person out there for everyone, we can also agree that each person is not perfect for everyone else. There are absolutely dealbreakers that would apply to one person and not someone else.
But most of us can agree that there are certain things that you absolutely do not say on a first date.
Redditor TacticalBabushka asked:
"What is the worst thing to say on a first date?"
No Fat-Shaming Allowed
"Once I went on a date with a guy, and afterward I messaged something like, 'So what did you think?'"
"And he answered, 'You carry your weight well.'"
"I was surprised, because it’s a subject that had never come up before at any point, and this was back before filters existed, so he knew exactly how I looked before we met, it wasn’t due to any surprises."
"He also wasn’t into 'overweight women,' per his own admission, so this wasn’t said with enthusiasm."
- HyperboleEverAfter
Sweet Ulterior Motives
"My husband actually said to me on our first date, 'I’m really glad you’re not skinny.'"
"I think he meant it as a compliment. 12 years later, I realize it’s because he assumed (correctly) I could cook."
"He likes to eat."
"I am 5’7 and at the time we met, I weighed 190ish. I’m pretty solid built, and yeah, I have some meat on me, but it’s not sloppy. I’ve always worn a size 12/14 and I’m busty."
"He weighed 260 at 5’9 and was into bodybuilding, his chest measured 52 inches (no man boobs). He also worked in a steel mill at the time and probably needed to consume 5k calories a day just to maintain. We are not small people, lol (laughing out loud)."
"And yes, I can cook very well. Good food is very important to him. We currently weigh 160 (me) and 250."
- Argercy
"He likes to eat so much he put his own foot in his mouth!"
- Constant-Sandwich-88
Too Much Too Fast
"I love you."
- Bmilvis
"So, this reminds me of something that happened to me (TL;DR: the man was already making plans for marriage and the rest of our lives not even five minutes after meeting each other):"
"A Tinder date said, 'I saw in your profile that you’re in environmental science as well as soil science. How about we take some time to negotiate where we should move in the future when we are married based on where you want to study.'"
"I chuckled at him and thought he was just being cheeky and flirty, but then he got this very confused and serious expression and said, 'Why are you laughing? You don’t see yourself marrying me?'"
"And it was after we JUST said hi to each other, bruh!"
- Astro_Baddie
The Ex Talk
"Anything about your ex that was unprompted."
- Jugnaut_
"Oh yes. I went on a first date where my date started talking about his exes for some reason. Then it continued to how he was still friends with most of them. And the finale was, 'I may not be a good boyfriend, but I'm a great ex.'"
"The appetizers weren't even served yet... I really didn't know what to do with that information. We didn't meet again (for that and other reasons)."
- double_plankton
"I met up with a girl on Tinder in the middle of quarantine and just blabbered on about my last couple of girlfriends for like an hour in her car and then left. It felt so good to talk to someone in person that wasn’t my parents."
"Then she texted me as soon I I drove off like, 'Maybe next time you meet up with someone, you should let them speak and not talk about all of your ex-girlfriends, dude.'"
"It was pretty f**king embarrassing honestly, lol (laughing out loud)."
- parkrat92
"Bro was looking for a therapy session."
- The_Next_Legend
A Way to Be Introduced
"I saw your sister when I was going through all your Facebook pics. She's hot. Is she seeing anyone?"
- I_Lick_Bananas
Inappropriate Promises
"From a girl to me: 'I am so fertile, you can get me pregnant just by looking at me.' She was in her mid 20's, with three kids, all from different fathers."
"I did not go back for a second date."
- Tallguy67ca
Weird Comparisons
"'You remind me of my mom.'"
- Icy_Alfalfa_6896
"This happened to me… I eventually met her and realized i don’t want to ever become them."
- ZealousIdeal_Face572
"Or 'you remind me of my ex.'"
- notthepapa
Acing the Test
"You have passed the preliminaries and are definitely in the running. Good job."
- Shiny_Whisper_321
Sad Trombone
"Not me, but my wife and I were having lunch near a college campus. We ordered and found a spot. There were two college kids sitting behind me. There weren't a lot of patrons so it wasn't as loud as it could be."
"With that being said, from the conversation they were having, we gathered it was a first date."
"Our food arrived and we started eating, and midway through, I looked at my wife and told her I was glad we were past all that awkwardness of figuring each other out."
"Another five minutes hadn't even passed, and I heard the guy telling his date that, 'At night I have to play really sad music because I can only go to sleep if I cry...'"
"When I tell you my wife and I stopped mid-chew and wide-eyed stared at each other... I started to turn around to save him from digging deeper, but my wife grabbed my arm and shook her head no."
"Then my wife said she (the date) had this. What she saw that I didn't, was the young man's date was in the process of grabbing her purse and leaving."
"He sat there for about five minutes after that and left. I looked at my wife and said, 'He's probably going to sleep early tonight.'"
- MastrShak3
All the Red Flags
"I’ve heard a lot of crazy and bad stuff on first dates."
"One told me her boyfriend was in jail and she will be with him when he gets out and she doesn’t want him to know that she’s dating other people. But that wasn’t the worst."
"Neither was the date that had six beers while we talked for a few hours and said it helped her anxiety (an alcoholic red flag)."
"The worst was someone that spent almost an entire hour telling me how unhappy she was with her life. I mean her family made her unhappy, her job made her unhappy, her body made her unhappy, her baggage made her unhappy and even her car made her unhappy. She was looking for someone that would sign up to help her make it all better."
"I told her good luck and thank you for the time. It was the best learning experience I had on a first date."
- palm_desert_tangelos
When No is a Complete Sentence
"In my twenties, early twenties, I walked in, sat down at the table, and the girl simply said, 'No.'"
"I got up, walked back out, and drove home. I say that sucked quite a bit, you know."
- randomdaysnow
Awkward or Fun?
"'You have the same name as my dog.'"
- BlueCanary434
"I’m laughing now, but if a guy ever told me that, I’d be confused and then would bond with his dog so hard. The stories that I could tell that would sound weird as if I were talking about myself would be amazing."
- New-Seesaw9255
Educational Matters
"'You know the earth's flat, right?'"
- WillKillz
The Second-Hand Embarrassment
"One time on a date, the girl wanted to pick me up. Weird but sure. So we saw a movie and then we grabbed coffee, and she was just driving me around."
"She mentioned work was so boring that day that she wanted to pull her hair out."
"Like an id**t, out of my mouth come the words, 'Don’t do that. Nobody likes a bald girl.'"
"She went quiet for a second and then said, 'I guess this is a good time to tell you that I have cancer and this is a wig.'"
"I still crawl inside myself with I think about that."
- KarateKid1984
We've all made mistakes in our lives and likely have said some things we didn't mean or that we wish we could have phrased better. But when we're trying to make a good first impression on a first date, there's a special sting to those mistakes that we make.
People fighting with their own insecurities will go to great lengths to overcome them.
Unfortunately, some of those tactics come at a cost, especially if the endeavor to attain a desired status is a vanity project rather than an improvement of a person's well-being.
Curious to hear from strangers online who pursued a superficial achievement, Redditor Beneficial_Form8563 asked:
"What is the stupidest thing you have ever done to try to be cool?"
These people were more concerned about keeping up with appearances.
Showing Off Your Seat
"Wore my pants backwards during the 90s when kriss kross was popular, so glad we didn't have social media back then."
– Rocjames77
Undesired Contrast
"Tanning booths."
"Had a lady friend that was into those. I only did it like 5 times. I was so dark, the grey hair on my chest were literally glowing."
– mrxexon
Hot Gangsta
"In junior high I wore a hoodie all year because I thought it would make me look gangsta. This included those balmy 90+ degree Texas days."
– Old_Army90
Causing A Spectacle
"In 1st grade, I was very jealous of people with glasses. I wore an old pair of my mom's sunglasses and said they were prescription. So I was, what, 6ish, wearing GIANT 1970s woman's sunglasses and couldn't see sh*t."
"My teacher saw right through it, of course (something I couldn't do). She didnt call me out, just humored me, to a point."
"I kept taking them off to read the chalkboard and she told me to put them back on. She called my mom and explained the situation. Mom picked me up from school and all I remember is denying it, and then my mom expressed her disappointment that I'd lie to her and to a teacher."
"So I told kids I switched to contacts (which were barely a thing then, especially for kids)."
– ahhh_ennui
These Redditors didn't think about consequences.
Amateur Acrobat
"When I was 8 my sister had her friends over, all teenagers, and trying to be cool I jumped on the trampoline in front of them and told them I’d do a backflip. I’d never done a backflip so I landed on my neck, bounced off the trampoline and broke my wrist."
– Artemis64z
Painful Experiment
"Tried to strike a Zippo lighter on my 'stubble'. I was about fifteen; it was fluffy hair. Ripped a zit out of my face. Looked like I’d been shot. Still have an odd clump of scar tissue in my cheek."
– goodassjournalist
The Chugger
"Went to a party and chugged 6 Mike's Hard Lemonades and then threw up for several hours. Nobody else at the party was even a little drunk."
– AdamBombKelley
These people missed the mark when they were seeking to be cool.
The Rebel
"Got pulled over for playing my car stereo too loud. Took the ticket, turned it back up. Took another ticket, turned it back up. Took a third ticket, turned it back up. Spent the night in jail."
– anon
Hair Don't
"had my mullet cut off but left a rat tail, then had it braided."
– TrailerParkPrepper
Wet Disguise
"Spilled my drink to hide that I pissed my pants. Was too cool to say I needed a bathroom."
"EDIT: Before one more of you tell me that was actually smart, it was not: The problem was that it was November, we were outside drinking and smoking to hide from our parents. So when I did the quick thinking how to hide my wet pants I forgot that pee is warm.. and it was a cold night. So my pants were kind of.. steamy lol. I was 22 and a bit drunk 🤷♀️"
– SnicketyLemon875
Targeting The Teacher
"Not stupid just mean and regret it. Some of the popular kids were being my friend, or just pretending to be I don't know. I stole one of the nice teachers candy bars out of her cupboard. I didn't get caught, so I saw her take out the empty box, and look around the room disappointed. Felt like garbage."
– HooterEnthusiast
I was always the class clown in elementary school, and I loved making my classmates laugh.
One time, I tried pretending like I was walking into a closed-door classroom while intentionally not looking where I was going.
To make it look like my face slammed into the door, I planned to kick the door before my face actually hit it to simulate impact.
I misjudged the distance and my mouth slammed into the door.
My adult teeth that had just grown in didn't fall out, but they did get knocked out of alignment and my gums gushed blood.
Well, at least I still got the laughs I was seeking...at a painful cost.
What was your dumbest move to appear cool?
If Groucho was the witty Marx Brother, Harpo was without a doubt the wild one. His persona of the silent lunatic who runs around wreaking havoc is one of the most instantly recognizable characters in movie history. But just who was the man behind the character? The answer to that is much different than people realize.
1. He Had A Horrible Childhood
As a child, Harpo lived through a nightmare. Although his enormous family—including his brothers Groucho and Chico—were loving, they were also dirt poor in turn-of-the-century New York. Indeed, his domineering mother Minnie forced them to start scraping together pennies from almost the moment they could talk. The thing is, she did this in a VERY strange way.
2. His Mother Shoved Him Into Performing
While we now know that child stardom is a curse, Minnie Marx sure didn’t think so. She organized a singing quartet act with the rest of her sons...but they were missing their fourth singer. Desperate, Minnie recruited the young Harpo to come up on stage at the eleventh hour, pushing the shy boy into the spotlight. This went more horribly than anyone could have predicted.
3. He Had A Haunting Embarrassing Moment
File:Monkey Business lobby card 1931.JPG - Wikimedia Commonscommons.wikimedia.orgWhen Harpo hit the stage that day, he immediately realized he had made a mortifying mistake. Still unused to performing, he was so nervous that, in front of his family and the entire crowd, he wet his pants in the middle of the performance. Unfortunately, Harpo soon discovered that this was only the beginning of his ordeals.
4. He Was Bullied Horribly
Harpo’s school life was somehow worse than his stage debut. When he was in the second grade, he faced relentless bullying due to his Jewish ethnicity—and things took a dangerous turn. According to Harpo, his tormentors loved throwing him out the window of their second-story classroom whenever their teacher left. This would have devastating consequences.
5. He Had A Second-Grade Education
When his classroom woes became more and more frequent, Harpo eventually had enough. After yet another time where his enemies threw him out the window, the young boy simply walked home rather than returning to class. In fact, he never returned, and Harpo had no formal education whatsoever past the second grade. Yeah, this wasn’t a good thing.
6. He Was A Mobster
After quitting school, Marx began a harrowing chapter in his life. He became a juvenile delinquent, roaming the streets of New York for hours a day, swiping whatever odds and ends he could get his hands on, and making both friends and enemies with members of various street gangs. He even played piano in a brothel during this time. But one way or another, destiny came for him.
7. The Marx Brothers Have A Strange Origin Story
Around this time, the Marx Brothers’ act started to evolve into what we know it as today—but few people know its strange origins. See, they never actually set out to be a comedy act. Their mother, Minnie, was still obsessed with making them a vaudeville singing group, and whenever the brothers started kidding around in the act, she chastised them and insisted that they stuck strictly to music.
Of course, this only helped create the prankish anarchy the comedy group became famous for...and they were about to become very, very famous.
8. He Had A Film First
File:Early marx brothers with parents.jpg - Wikimedia Commonscommons.wikimedia.orgIn the early 1910s, the Marx Brothers began developing their stage act in earnest, and this led to their first collaborative film, 1929’s The Cocoanuts, which starred the brothers Groucho, Harpo, Chico, and Zeppo Marx in all their glory and various stage names. Not only was The Cocoanuts a newfangled talkie, but it was also one of the first films to have an overhead perspective shot. But even then, something was missing.
9. He Was Eerily Silent
Early on, Harpo developed one distinguishing feature in the sibling act: He never talked. For the most part, his film career relied on sight gags, especially Harpo pulling extremely unlikely objects from his nearly ever-present overcoat. As we’ll see, there was a particular reason for his silence, but it sure worked. Within a few years, the Marx Brothers were the talk of Hollywood...and Harpo took full advantage.
10. He Was An Infamous Bachelor
With the Marx Brothers’ comedy routine taking off, Harpo became one of the most notorious bachelors in 1930s Hollywood. One story from this time is legendary: He ended up busting into a costume party at Marion Davies’ house, while the starlet was still the mistress of tycoon William Randolph Hearst. And before long, Harpo’s reputation went from naughty to infamous.
11. He Gate-Crashed A Star's Party
For whatever reason, when he got ready for the party Harpo decided to dress up as Kaiser Wilhelm II, the former German Emperor and one of the most hated villains of WWI. Somehow, though, Harpo outdid even the Kaiser. Apparently bereft of any real friends at the bash, Harpo had to hitchhike home, and after taking a wrong turn, the authorities detained him for vagrancy, breaking and entering, and supposedly even impersonating Kaiser Wilhelm.
Harpo was definitely acting out, but there was a disturbing reason for this.
12. He Had A Long-Lost Love
File:Harpo Marx 1948.jpg - Wikimedia Commonscommons.wikimedia.orgEven today, few people know that Harpo remained single for so long in Hollywood because of one incredibly heartbreaking and traumatic experience in his youth. Shortly after arriving in Tinseltown, Harpo started dating a woman he came to deeply care for, and he even planned on proposing to her. But before he could do anything, tragedy struck.
13. He Suffered An Unbelievable Tragedy
The very day before Harpo was going to ask for the woman’s hand, he received devastating news. His lover had lost her life in a plane crash, and he would never see her again. The loss affected him for years to come, keeping him at arm's length from any serious relationships for a good while after. But as for the not-so-serious ones, all bets were off.
14. He Used Women Shamelessly
Not even Harpo’s famous silence on screen could stop him from charming the skirts off of women. At one point, he was even dating fellow comedian Fanny Brice, the woman who inspired Funny Girl, “because he felt she would be entertaining, and he loved to be entertained.” Plus, you know, he didn’t want to think about his dead girlfriend. Yet like every Hollywood hotshot, Harpo had a wandering eye.
15. He Had A Fateful Dinner Party
One evening, Harpo was attending a classic Hollywood party at producer Samuel Goldwyn’s house, with Fanny Brice on his arm. Little did he know, his life was about to change. His other seatmate was the starlet Susan Fleming, a former saucy Ziegfield girl and a currently reluctant actress who hated making films. Fleming had her eye on Harpo—and more than that, she had a secret weapon.
16. He Had A Not-So-Secret Admirer
File:Susan Fleming sl931.jpg - Wikipediaen.wikipedia.orgIn an eerie turn of events, Susan Fleming shared the same last name as Harpo’s long lost love who had perished in a plane crash. This probably got her foot in the door with Harpo, but if it didn't her face certainly would; she was pale with dark hair, and absolutely stunning by any measurement. More than that, Fleming was absolutely obsessed with Harpo...and she wasn’t shy about showing it.
17. He Loved To Be Worshipped
Fleming felt she could see through Harpo’s somewhat joking demeanor and into his sensual interior. She recalled that from the moment she met him, she found Harpo "a warm, fun, darling man to talk to" and that she was fascinated with his persona and career.
Harpo, for his part, wasn’t going to say no to a face like Fleming’s, and he threw off Brice that very night to take up with the actress. In the blink of an eye, it went from casual to cringeworthy.
18. He Had A Clingy Girlfriend
Susan Fleming didn’t just have a crush on Harpo, she had a whole obsession. After all, Fleming had no use for her film career, and she spent the next four years chasing after Harpo with an intensity and single-mindedness that would probably make anyone take a step back, let alone a man still on the rebound from his corpse bride.
But even though Harpo could have no doubt of Fleming’s affections, she still made a shocking grand gesture.
19. He Rejected His Lover
Fleming was so certain Harpo Marx was the man for her, she was actually the one to propose to him, an action that polite society considered near unthinkable for a woman at the time. But she was in for a cruel surprise. Although Harpo still wanted to keep up his relationship with her, the wounded man turned Fleming down. Did this let-down stop her? Not at all. She just turned the dial up to 11.
20. His Girlfriend Pushed Him Down The Aisle
File:Susan Fleming CM333.jpg - Wikipediaen.m.wikipedia.orgWhen Harpo turned down Fleming’s offer of marriage the first time, the actress really proved her mettle...uh, if that’s what you want to call it. Undeterred, Fleming got down on one knee again some time later, and received yet another brutal rebuff. Finally, she asked him an incredible third time and, perhaps worn down at last, Harpo finally accepted. Only, Fleming may not have known what she was getting into.
21. He Had A Secret Wedding
Maybe Harpo was still a little uncertain about Fleming, because he married her in complete secret. Sure, this might have been because the pair were notoriously camera shy—except for just one glaring thing. Harpo didn’t even tell his brothers it was happening until after the fact. Ouch. And when the truth did come out, it was scandalous.
22. The President Ratted Him Out
As it happened, people found out about Harpo’s top-secret nuptials almost right after they happened, and they found out from a shocking source. None other than President Franklin Roosevelt heard about the event from a mutual friend, and inadvertently leaked the secret by publicly sending Marx a congratulatory telegram. What a dummy, right?
23. His Wife Was His Subordinate
The beginnings of Harpo’s marriage to Fleming seemed idyllic. She quit acting in films like she had wanted to all along, and they began raising a brood of adopted children. Then again, their dynamic would still make a lot of us squirm; Fleming was Harpo’s self-appointed “valet” during the union, basically acting as his assistant when they were at home or abroad. Ew.
24. He Was Actually Bald
File:Debbie Reynolds Auction - Harpo Marx signature historic ...commons.wikimedia.orgWhen you picture Harpo, you probably aren’t picturing the real Harpo. Few people know or remember it, but for most of his films with the Marx Brothers, Harpo was wearing a blonde or red wig. Meanwhile, underneath that wig, the comedian was actually entirely bald, a fact that helped him go undetected in public whenever he felt like it, because people never recognized him.
25. He Went On A High-Profile Mission
In 1933, Harpo’s old friend Franklin Roosevelt made him one of the first “goodwill ambassadors” to Soviet Russia. It was even more harrowing than it sounds. On his way to Moscow, he passed through Hamburg and witnessed the early stages of Nazi Germany, and ended up literally vomiting at the harsh realities he witnessed first-hand to his Jewish people. When he reached Stalin’s Russia, however, it nearly turned deadly.
26. Stalin Spied On Him
Ever suspicious, Stalin assigned a government spy to accompany Harpo at all times during his stay, monitoring all of his phone calls and mail and making sure he didn’t get out of line or carry any important information back to the United States with him for the President’s eyes. It sounds like paranoia, but the truth is the Soviets DID need to worry about Harpo.
27. He Was A Secret Agent
Harpo had one unsupervised moment in the Soviet Union: His visit to the American embassy. Behind its closed doors, Marx kept a huge secret. While there, a government official asked him to smuggle a document back to the States. Though he never found out what the document was, Marx taped the envelope to his leg and successfully brought it with him on his way out of the country.
Yes, you read that right. This silly Marx Brother was an actual secret agent who carried out a real-life international spy mission.
28. He Got A Big Dramatic Break
File:Fay Wray Argentinean Magazine AD.jpg - Wikipediaen.wikipedia.orgHarpo was a bit of a strange husband, but he wasn’t always a good friend, either. One year, one of his good friends, the screenwriter and playwright Alexander Woollcott, asked Harpo to star in his dramatic production Yellow Jacket alongside King Kong star Fay Wray. It should have been a golden opportunity, but Marx turned it into a betrayal.
29. He Was A Terrible Friend
When Harpo read Woollcott’s script, he simply didn’t understand the vision or emotional core that his friend was going for. Of course, Woollcott also refused to explain it to him. Perhaps a tad tetchy with his buddy, Harpo reacted by not taking the performance seriously at all, and instead turned it into a comedy bit, infuriating Woollcott and nearly ruining their friendship in the process.
30. He Could Out-Weird Anyone
Harpo was infamous for some eccentric habits during his single life, especially picking up semi-vagrant artists. He actually spent over a year living with piano virtuoso and severe insomniac Oscar Levant, one of old Hollywood’s most bizarre characters and least stable people, who you may know from the film An American in Paris. Yet, as always, Harpo managed to give Levant a run for his money.
See, when Levant showed up on Harpo’s doorstep and never left, Harpo simply...accepted it. The comedian befriended the troubled musician until Levant finally left on a whim 13 months later. But when it comes to Harpo’s neighborly antics, that’s the least of them.
31. He Lived Next To A Famous Composer
For a long time, Marx lived next to the legendary classical composer Sergei Rachmaninoff. His reaction to this was surprising. As a fellow music lover, you’d think that Harpo would feel lucky to get to listen to Rachmaninoff hone his craft, but nope. Rather than just be happy, Harpo got annoyed at the noise day in and day out...so he came up with a perfect revenge.
32. He Drove A Genius Mad
File:Sergei Rachmaninoff LOC 33969u.jpg - Wikimedia Commonscommons.wikimedia.orgIn classic Harpo fashion, Marx took this as an opportunity for an epic prank worthy of one of his films. He began repeatedly blasting one of Rachmaninoff's own compositions out the window as loud as he possibly could. Best of all, it worked. It got to the point where the poor composer could no longer stand it, and he moved to a new house just to get away from the comedian. Mission accomplished.
33. He Finally Spoke
Marx spent his entire career going to great lengths to never speak in public. But one night, all that changed. It was the evening he publicly announced his retirement during a 1963 live show. When the audience learned they were witnessing a legend’s final appearance, the entire mood of the room altered. Then, for the first time in his adult life, Harpo agreed to give a public speech...but, uh, maybe he shouldn’t have.
34. He Gave An Awkward Goodbye
In the end, Harpo spent several minutes reflecting on his career and his feelings about moving on, while the stunned crowd took in every word. The host Allan Sherman reportedly burst into tears when Marx confirmed that he truly was calling it quits, but Harpo didn’t stop there, interrupting Sherman when he tried to speak and generally just yammering on a bit.
As comedian Steve Allen joked about the speech: “Harpo wouldn’t shut up!” But hey, he earned it.
35. He Made A Famous Face
One of Harpo’s most famous comedic faces was something called “The Gookie,” and its backstory is perfectly “Harpo.” The face came about from his habit of imitating the mannerisms of a cigar store clerk from his childhood named Gookie. As Harpo remembered, when Gookie started rolling cigars, he got “so absorbed that he had no idea what a comic face he was making. His tongue lolled out in a fat roll, his cheeks puffed out and his eyes popped out and crossed themselves.”
Harpo would do an impression of this face on a regular basis as a youngster, just to get under the poor guy’s skin. Later, he incorporated it into every one of his screen performances.
36. He Launched A Mega Star
File:Marilyn Monroe photo pose Seven Year Itch.jpg - Wikipediaen.wikipedia.orgWhen the Marx Brothers made their final film, Love Happy, they ended up despising the result and almost never talked about it afterward. Predictably, it was a flop, but this very last film has a very big claim to fame. It launched the career of the one and only Marilyn Monroe. The then-unknown starlet had a brief cameo in the film, her first big on-screen appearance. The rest, as they say, is history.
37. He Clashed With Authority
Harpo was always a troublemaker. When theater tycoon E.F. Albee hired the Marx Brothers, he expected them to bow down to him and be loyal. Harpo’s response made the man’s blood boil. Stirring the pot, the comedian "innocently" appeared in a friend’s show at a small rival theater, and when Albee found out he dragged Harpo into his office so he could stare him down and intimidate him.
38. He Froze Looking At A Woman's Body
In his later life, Marx took up painting and became surprisingly good at it. Still, he did get one super awkward anecdote out of the process. Like many an amateur artist before him, Marx started learning how to draw by hiring a body model. But the moment the beautiful woman took her clothes off, Harpo froze and couldn’t continue. Which is exactly when the situation took a strange turn.
39. A Model Taught Him To Paint
As it happened, the woman Harpo had hired was actually something of an accomplished artist herself, not to mention cool as a cucumber on top of that. So when she saw Harpo’s distress, she actually got up and gave him a lesson about where to begin, calming his nerves in the process. Obviously, it ended up working out for both of them. I hope Harpo tipped well.
40. He Had Another Talent
File:Harpo Marx playing the harp (cropped).jpeg - Wikimedia Commonscommons.wikimedia.orgHarpo might be famous as a comedian, but he had another big talent: Playing the harp. Only, because this is Harpo Marx, he had to do even this with a twist. He only took up playing the instrument on a whim, and began learning to hold and play it by copying what an angel was doing in a picture he got from a corner store. Yes, this was the completely wrong way to do it, but that wasn’t all that Harpo got wrong.
41. He Messed Up Big Time
Harpo didn’t know anyone who could play the harp, so he had to learn everything by himself, top to bottom, including tuning it. Three years later, he discovered that he’d actually tuned it wrong, and had done practically every else wrong, too. He did try to correct this and eventually took professional lessons, but his instructors would often simply marvel at his unorthodox yet brilliant technique rather than teaching him.
42. Harpo Isn't His Real Name
Harpo’s real name, as many people could have guessed, wasn’t actually Harpo—it was Adolph. For reasons (surprisingly) having nothing to do with WWII, Marx actually changed it from Adolph to “Arthur” as a young adult, which obviously ended up being a good call once Hitler actually did come to power. But how exactly did he get the name “Harpo”?
43. Even His Nickname Has A Backstory
The simplest explanation is often the right one, and the same is true for Harpo and his nickname. Although some of the details are a little fuzzy, he almost certainly got the moniker at a card game from his friend Art Fisher, who referred to him as “Harpo” because...he played the harp. For what it’s worth, Fisher also gave all the Marx Brothers their stage names, minus “Zeppo.”
44. He Cheated His Music Teacher
File:Harpo and Chico Marx General Electric Theater 1959.JPG ...commons.wikimedia.orgBack when he could only dream of someday learning the harp, Harpo's family had a piano, but they could only afford lessons for one child. Somewhat insultingly, they chose Chico, not Harpo, for this privilege. But Harpo didn’t let that stop him. Practically everything Harpo learned about music, he got from secretly listening in on his brother’s piano lessons. Naughty boy.
45. He Was Obsessed With One Game
Marx became obsessed with croquet—to the point where he couldn’t live without the summer game, even in the winter. In one of his most ridiculous real-life antics, Marx bribed the landlords of a Manhattan parking garage to let him turn their roof into a makeshift croquet field. They initially obliged, but then quickly found out they had made an enormous error…
46. He Snubbed A Very Important Man
Marx and his crew placed such a high priority on their croquet hobby that they once intentionally kept New York Governor and future Presidential candidate Al Smith waiting on the phone for a whopping 20 minutes, just so that they could watch as one of the club’s members attempted a difficult shot. To the landlords’ relief, the fire department promptly put an end to the croquet arrangement as soon as they found out about it.
47. He Had A Fatal Flaw
Being the silent guy in the act can be fun, but Harpo once got cheated out of a huge deal. Because his character did not speak, NBC snubbed Harpo when they gave the Marx Brothers their own radio sitcom in 1932. In the midst of the Great Depression, Groucho and Chico each got paid more than $3,000 a week for just half an hour’s work, all while poor old Harpo could not participate.
48. He Created A Popular Expression
File:WilliamRandolphHearst.jpg - Wikimedia Commonscommons.wikimedia.orgIf you’ve ever used the expression “in the hot seat,” you might be surprised to learn that Harpo Marx originally coined it. During his social escapades, he attended parties at the famous mansion of William Randolph Hearst and noticed that whenever someone became less welcome, Hearst would seat them at the far end of the table near the fireplace. Being seated in the “hot seat” usually meant that you would soon stop receiving invitations.
49. He Almost Played A Whole Different Character
Today, it's extremely hard to associate Harpo Marx with anything other than his silent, clown-like, curly-haired character—but this almost wasn’t the case. Initially, the brothers had considered having Harpo’s character be a stereotypical, freckled Irishman named Patsy Brannigan, accent and all. I think most of us are pretty happy they didn’t stick with this idea.
50. He Had A Weird Obsession
Harpo was a strange man, and he had one weird quirk that he often took to extremes: An obsession with black jelly beans. Ever since his impoverished childhood, the candy had been a symbol of success in his mind, and as an adult he once purchased 30 dollars’ worth of jelly beans to snack on at the movies. Only, his grand excess didn't exactly go as planned.
The bag exploded and caused a huge mess for the theater staff—not to mention a fair amount of confusion.
51. You Can Hear What He Really Sounded Like
Although no known recordings exist of Marx speaking in public, it is actually possible for people today to hear what he sounded like. Someone found a copy of a home voice recording the comedian made while working on his autobiography where he recalls some of the crazy experiences of his youth. The recording confirms some surprising things.
First, Harpo sounds a lot like his brother Groucho; and second, he has a thick New York accent.
52. He Could Switch Gears
File:Harpo Marx Silent Panic DuPont Show 1960.JPG - Wikimedia Commonscommons.wikimedia.orgDespite spending his whole life as a comedian, Marx eventually got the chance to play a serious dramatic role. In a 1960 Christmas-themed television play called A Silent Panic, he portrayed a deaf-mute character who inadvertently witnesses a murder and struggles to decide how to react. The performance is available on YouTube, and is actually pretty darn impressive.
53. He Made One Sound On Film
Although he never had a spoken line in a Marx Brothers film, some believe Harpo did once let his voice slip in one of them. In 1939’s At The Circus, Harpo’s character releases an exaggerated sneeze by shouting “Ah-choo!” in a clear voice, though he could have been mouthing someone else’s voice. Even so, there is another instance people cling to.
54. He "Talked" On A Technicality
Sure, he never talked in his performances, but Harpo did actually have a line in a movie early on in his career—there’s just one problem. It was a silent movie, so the clip doesn’t get us any closer to hearing what he sounded like in a professional capacity. The clip consists of the silent Marx Brother soundlessly mouthing the words, “You sure you can’t move?”
55. His Marriage Miraculously Lasted
Despite being a Hollywood marriage, Marx and Susan Fleming shared a long, happy life together. More than that, he and Fleming adored raising their large family. Harpo once quipped that when it came to children, he wanted, "So many that whenever we go out, there can be one in every window, waving to us." So when Harpo did finally pass, he went out in an incredibly fitting way.
56. He Had Impeccable Timing
Fájl:Marx Brothers 1948.jpg – Wikipédiahu.m.wikipedia.orgOn September 28, 1964, Harpo passed at the ripe old age of 75, leaving behind his wife Susan Fleming, his four children, and his beloved Marx Brothers. However, there was something special about this day. Always good with timing, comedic or otherwise, Harpo actually died on the very day of his 28th wedding anniversary with Fleming, which must have been a bittersweet event for the widow. But when his funeral came around, it was a full-on tearjerker.
57. He Ruined His Brother
As one of the elder Marx brothers, Harpo was also one of the first of his siblings to go, and the news particularly devastated his brother Groucho. Later on, Groucho’s son Arthur Marx recalled that Harpo’s funeral was one of the first and only times he had ever seen his father cry. Then again, that was good old Harpo; he’d make you laugh until you cried.
58. He Didn't Talk For A Reason
Harpo is best-known as the Marx Brother who never talks, but few people know the reason why. According to some, it’s because when they were first starting out in Vaudeville, the brothers had a stomach-dropping realization: Harpo had intense difficulty memorizing lines. Rather than trying to fix this shortcoming, they decided to simply make his character mute and have his comedy focus on pantomime. However, there may be a much different explanation.
59. He Was Insecure
Another story suggests that Harpo may have lapsed into silence in his film career not so much out of a canny choice, but rather because of a scathing review that he took to heart. After seeing him in one performance playing his usual foolish character, one critic noted that Harpo only achieved the effect he was going for “until he spoke.” The comedian fell silent from then on.