Our pets are our children. And remember what they always say.... children are always listening. In fact they are more attentive mentally when we are not paying attention. So every moment is a teaching moment. Our fur babies are no different, in fact they can be more in tune than humans. As I type this my dog Juliet is staring at me, and now I wonder what nefarious deed she has gleamed from my typing. I'll let you know.
Redditor u/shoonpo wanted all the fur baby parents to discuss a few things by asking.... What have you accidentally conditioned your pet to do?Dirty Meow....
Bring me dirty laundry.
One day my cat brought me a sock and it was so cute so I petted him and praised him. That started a cycle of it and now he's constantly bringing dirty laundry to me.
The Sonata....
Upon hearing the Windows 7 sonata log-off sound, she jumps up and starts running around the room since I always locked my computer before leaving. And when I'm leaving, that usually means she's going to daycare (i.e. my Mom's house).
It's been 3 or so years since I switched to Windows 10, but just playing the sound on YouTube still gets a reaction out of her.
Take my Hand
The budgie had a broken leg in a little splint. He would climb to the roof of his cage with just his beak and good leg, then let go of his beak and hang by one leg then just stare at me. He knew I would stick my hand in and he could just fall off into my hand. He only did this when I was around because I was the only one who would stick my hand in.
The Sheets
Changing the sheets on the bed means play time. My cat likes to sit on the bed as I throw on the sheets likes that rainbow parachute elementary game. She tries to attack my hand if I straighten the edges while she's there too.
In the Eyes
My wife and I have pretty set sleep schedules during the week. If we stay up later on the weekend or w/e, our dog gets VERY huffy/offended and will sigh passive-aggressively at us until we go upstairs to bed.
Oh, and if one of his bowls is empty he licks it (also passive-aggressively) and then makes direct eye contact.
Damn Frank
My tortoise stands on my foot when he is hungry.
Edit: Here is Frank standing on my foot. This was shortly after he got here, so excuse his weepy eyes. He had a respiratory infection when he arrived from being a stray/previous improper care.
My tortoise will walk up to our patio door and pace back and forth when he is hungry. As soon as I open the door he walks in, waits for me to gather the food and then walks back outside with me to eat.
Scratch It All
My dogs know the sound of the drawer the cheese is kept in the fridge. They could be asleep in a completely different area, but if you open the cheese drawer they come running and sit like good boys for their cheese. They are herding dogs and will also herd the cat away if she won't stop meowing at me when I'm busy or if she tries to scratch anything.
Iced....
My dog knew he would always get some ice to chew when I went to the fridge so any time he heard the ice machine on the fridge start he would come running in. Once he became deaf he would feel the vibrations in the floor from it and knew it was ice time!
"I want treats"
One time, my cat spotted a spider on my wall, since he was staring so obviously I was able to notice too. Grateful, I gave him treats and cuddles. He did it again a week later, same thing. Then one time he looks around frantically and I jump up to go check but I don't see a spider. He looks at me expectantly. After a few times like this I realized he learned that looking around intensely at stuff means treats, love and attention.
It's now been 4 years and he will still look at me then pointedly look around the apartment, then back at me, expecting a reward. Has it resulted in him spotting the occasional bug? Yes, especially since over the years I've learned the slight difference between his real expression and the fake "I want treats" one. Still, even if I know it's all a lie, it throws me off and sometimes I give in and look anyway. Maybe I'm imagining it but he always looks so satisfied afterwards, the fluffy jerk.
Edit: Cat in question. This weird fluffball has also learned to topple the water container and to poke the trash to get my attention. If you try to spray him with water when he misbehaves he will stand there pitifully and blink at the water so you feel bad and stop. He will sleep on your head at night and you might find scratches on your cheek or next to your eye, or he'll yell at the bedroom door if it's closed and try to turn the door knob and/or stick his paws under. He screams like a goat. On the bright side he learned to sit for food because food is the only true goal in his life.
Hey Kitty....
After my roommate got a cat, my dog answers to "Kitty Kitty Kitty" cause he wants love and/or treats.
Latex Issues
Fear rubber gloves. We live in a place with lots of fleas and ticks so we goo them every month. I figure the stuff goes through cat skin readily so it'll probably go through mine, so I use surgical gloves.
Whenever I pull out the box, the smarter of our two immediately bolts for the deepest recesses of the the house. The dumber one just looks at me even though he finds the process distasteful too.
Filthy Beasts
- I accidentally made it so when you whistle "this is the song that never ends" (frequently stuck in my and my SOs head) the cows come running for grain... if i don't have grain I get mooed at until I go get some.
- the chickens know that i get excited about eggs and when they lay they get the good scratch and will sometimes wait until I/m in the barn, squawk and lay an egg I'm front of me.
And 3) if the cat is thirsty he will knock over every drink container/cup he finds while meowing and then pitifully throw himself in front of me pretending to die. He started doing that after i faked my death for a Dr Pepper that my SO was holding.
Terrible animals.
Hiding Poop
My Tortoise likes to cover her poops after she's done. She places a blanket over them and pushes them out into a corner. She will then look at you, look at the corner with the blankets and then look back at you again until you remove it, otherwise she will tap/scratch at the walls of her enclosure to let you know she's got poops that need to be taken out of her sight.
face 2 face....
My niece loves to FaceTime my mom to talk to her dog. When the dog was a puppy, my mom used to pull her onto her lap when she would get FaceTimed.
Now the dog is 80 lbs and will jump in your lap if your phone or tablet starts making the default FaceTime ring.
"Stop eating your face."
He has floppy jowls that sometimes get stuck in his teeth. I used to just casually say "dude stop eating your face" when it happened. On the occasions that he just happened to lick his teeth and spring it loose, I would give him a pat on the head and call him a good boy. Never any intentional training but now that he's an old man he's 100% responsive when I tell him. He'll clear his teeth out and present himself for his congratulatory head pats.
Edit: I don't have a good pic of him mid face munch, but here he is being floppy and here he is wishing you a happy and smiling day.
UFC Cat
My kitten will aggressively headbutt my face every night before bed, for top of head kisses before she goes to sleep.
He Cray...
Get wet food at 4:00 am every day. I wake up early during the week and feed him wet food right away. Of course he doesn't care that it's the weekend. His internal alarm clock is down to minute with precision. And because he's a cat, and an A-hole, if we don't get up and get his food, he howls loudly through the house, opens shutters, walks on our faces, nudges our noses with his nose.... he's so relentless it's not even funny. But we love him.
Turtle Days
My tortoise will come lay on the patio when my husband plays guitar out there. He likes the music. He hides in his Dogloo from fireworks. On hot days he follows my kids around the backyard until they spray him with the hose to cool off. He's a very social guy. I can get him to follow me anywhere if I'm holding a hibiscus flower, his favorite treat.
"but I'm a good boy!!"
I conditioned my cats to use the scratching post with treats and pets and lots of "good boy, good boy."
For the last 7 years, whenever I have to tell my one cat to stop chewing on something or anything like that, he goes to that post and scratches furiously looking at me like "but I'm a good boy!!"
Bubble Time
I take baths with my cat by letting her float in a plastic box. I keep the box in my closet. I only started doing this about a month ago, but now when I turn the bathwater on she runs to the closet and jumps in her box.
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When it comes to electing a leader, the choice is an easy one if a potential candidate shares the same values as yours.
And while a candidate is fit to lead remains to be seen, we rely on our instinct to choose someone with whom we can relate.
But sometimes, our options are limited and we inevitably go with someone who is the lesser of two evils.
Curious to hear from strangers online about a hypothetical, Redditor Cashmeresquid2309 asked:
"Americans of Reddit, would you vote for an openly Atheist presidential candidate? Why or why not?"

Redditors were quick to point out the answer was a no-brainer.
We Already Know The Answer
"Asking Reddit if they'd vote for an atheist..."
"I feel like the answer would be obvious."
– sarahmagoo
Sci-Fi Analogy
"Americans of Reddit, would you vote for a Star Wars fan who heckin loves doggos?"
– WitnessChemical
For The Atheists In The Crowd
"Atheists of atheistville, would you vote for an open atheist?"
– nixcamic
Others weighed in with a range of opinions.
About 45
"What's funny is how many of them would probably say no, even though they voted for Trump and would do so again. Say whatever else you want about him, but I seriously can't understand how anyone could genuinely believe Trump is a Christian. He's so obviously faking it and is undoubtedly the most atheistic president we've ever had or are likely to have for a long time."
"This is a guy who's never even so much as read the Bible or attended church, who told a conservative radio host his favorite Bible verse was 'an eye for an eye', who told evangelical interviewers that he's never asked God for forgiveness because he's never done anything wrong, and who routinely commits all 7 deadly sins (pride, greed, wrath, envy, lust, gluttony and sloth) without remorse."
– empfindsamkeit
From A Different Perspective
"Not an american but interestingly according to this survey on 1006 people from 2007, being atheist was the worst thing you could be as a candidate (of the things asked) with only 45 % of people saying they'd vote for one."
– ilovecatfish
An atheist candidate isn't necessarily a big strike.
Double Negative
"I wouldn’t not vote for someone just because they were atheist."
– HabitualEnthusiast
Credibility First
"This is it. If they’re running on platforms I support with a history to back up those campaign promises, I don’t care if they belong to the church of the flying spaghetti monster. They could literally be a member of the satanic temple and I, an actual practicing Christian, would give less shi*s than a constipated sloth."
"Edit: yes, I realize the Satanic Temple does not actually worship satan. I used it for that purpose. The Church of Satan has some…problematic views and I probably would not vote for someone who literally holds a platform of eugenics."
– Phoenix_of_Asclepius
Some view the role of religion in politics as important.
It Depends
"Religion can be relevant: I would have strong reservations about voting for a Scientologist, even if I agreed with the policies they proposed. I would have strong reservations voting for a member of an apocalyptic cult or, possibly worse, a follower of the (highly heretical) 'prosperity gospel,' which unfortunately includes more and more so-called 'evangelicals' — I didn't vote for George W. Bush, but it's not because he was an evangelical."
"It depends on the role: I'd probably be more flexible with a legislator than an executive (mayor, governor, president), as their character is IMO more important than for a legislator and their policy stances somewhat less important relative to a legislator."
"Satanic temple — well, that's just an organized group of atheists and humanists with an intentionally inflammatory choice of name. They're generally fine people."
– alyssasaccount
A Bad Rap
"The Satanic Temple is an excellent organization that every decent person should be able to respect. A Church of Satan member, not so much."
"There's a huge difference between them!"
– StarsEatArtBooks
And Redditor boganvegan said it best.
"Better an open atheist than a fake Christian."
It all boils down to trustworthiness. Without full transparency, how could anyone put their faith in a candidate who spews nothing but lies?
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Being home alone isn't always the most tranquil thing.
No one is there to help or protect you.
And things that go "bump" in the night... sometimes they do more than bump.
Redditor ag9910 wanted to hear about the times home felt like an unsafe place to be. They asked:
"What is the scariest, strangest, most unexplainable thing that has happened to you while home alone?"
I'm always freaked out when I'm home alone. Lights on. Yeah, my electric bill is high.
Dorothy?
"I dreamed the front door blew open at the exact time the house alarm went off... I hopped up and sure enough, the front door was open. No intruder."
fatowl
I See You
"Not home alone but only one in right side of the house. Went to my mom's bathroom to wash my hands and saw a pair of feet behind the half open door. Laughed and said 'very funny Ma, I see you.' then finished up and left. Bumped into my mother in the kitchen unpacking, nobody else was in the house. I'm glad whatever was behind the door didn't peek out."
SatanWithFur
“It’s Doug!”
"One night I had forgotten to lock my apartment door and woke up in the middle of the night. My bedroom door was about 2 feet from my front door, as you walked into the apartment. First a big dog ran by, then a person. Holy crap I was so scared and I screeched 'Who is it?!?!!'"
"A man said 'It’s Doug!' As I was thinking to myself, who the f**k is Doug, he said 'oh, crap.' He turned around to go back out the front door saying 'Sorry.' I asked 'Didn’t you have a dog with you?' He said 'Oh, yeah. Hey, c’mon!.' He left, his dog ran out after him and I locked my front door."
"Edit: glad you all thought this was funny, because I did too, once my heart quit trying to beat right out of my chest! The next day the girls at work thought I was crazy for not being upset, but eh, done is done. Peace!"
scarletohairy
Confused...
"My sister and I were home alone and we heard someone big running up the stairs. The stairs make lots of noise with slight pressure so when there’s someone big on them you can tell. I went out of my room to check but saw no one anywhere and my sister also came out of her room and she asked if that was me I said no and we both looked around to see if there was anyone but found no one in the whole house. We were confused and called our parents and just waited until they got back and that was that."
JtSudbury04
I See You
"I very clearly saw a guy walk into my room. But when I went after him there was nobody there. I checked in the closet, under my bed, everywhere one could hide in my room."
HighlyOffensive10
This is why home video surveillance is key.
"NO"
"My parents were on a road trip, just left, and I sat down at my desk. I thought 'Weekend alone by myself' and a voice yelled into my right ear 'NO' so loud it hurt."
Th4ab
Wild
"I managed to lock myself out of my house on my birthday during a tornado while trying to bring my cats to the basement for safety. I later found out that the tornado was approximately a couple miles or less from me at that exact time. The sky was green and it got weirdly calm and then I could hear what sounded like a train coming before I found an unlocked window to climb through. Wild times."
SilverGnarwhal
Saturday morning in the 80s...
"I wasn't home alone but I was awake by myself one Saturday morning in the 80s when I was around 7 or so. I believe my mom was the only one home because my dad went to the lake to go fishing that weekend, and I'm not sure where my older brothers were, maybe they went with him, idk."
"Anyways, my mom's sleeping in, and I'm in the living room by myself, watching Saturday morning cartoons and making a fort out of sheets and cushions. Something made me turn around and I saw my dad in his pajamas standing in the hallway entrance with his hands on his hips, looking the mess I was making and shaking his head."
"He then turned around and walked into my room, which was just off the hallway entrance. Dude. I didn't even look, I just booked it to my parents room and woke my mom up. I don't remember what happened after that, this was around 35 years ago. And yes, my dad was fine, nothing had happened to him."
smriversong
Get the Bat...
"I was at home by myself on a call with some friends when all of a sudden my dog begins to bark like crazy, which was odd since it was the middle of the night and he's usually sleep. I go downstairs to check on him and find him barking at our hall closet, terrified I grabbed my bat that I keep in my room just in case and open the door. There was nothing out of usual at first at then I look down and notice a familiar looking object at the bottom of the closet."
"It was my mom's necklace she had lost when I was 9, (i'm 15 now just to put in perspective how long it's been). I showed it to my mom at breakfast and she was just as shocked as I was. I still have no clue how it got there or how my dog knew it was in there, definitely one of the oddest occurrences of my life."
SomeRandomIdiot14
Meow
"Many years ago, I was 14 or so, my first night alone in the house when my parents were out. Lying on the living room floor reading, my cat sleeping next to me."
"Suddenly, cat wakes up, stares intently into the dark corner of the room behind me, hair on end, growls and then bolts out of the room and upstairs. I look behind me and see nothing, but follow cat upstairs and hide under the covers. Freaked me out."
LairdofWingHaven
Thank God for alarms. I hate being home alone.
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The human body is still such a mystery.
How much do we really know?
Not a lot apparently. We're learning more all the time.
And most of it is gross.
Redditor BathNo7713 wanted to discuss the ick factor of anatomy. So they asked:
"What is the most disturbing fact about the human body?"
The body freaks me out. But it's all I've got. So teach me some things.
Minutes...
"The fastest killing virus takes around 4 days to kill you. That would be Ebola. Your immune system can kill you in 15 minutes."
will477
'locked-in'
"If your brainstem (the part of the brain that mediates most motor control for all of the body) is damaged, you can get 'locked-in' syndrome. That means you're fully conscious and aware of your surroundings but unable to move or speak. The only muscles that remain unaffected in most people are the muscles that move they eyes and the eyelids."
"You're essentially trapped within your own body with your only way of communication being blinking or moving your eyes It can be caused by toxins, blockage of the basilar artery which is the main artery of the brainstem, or other brainstem damage."
4oodler
Explosions
"Some people suffer from Exploding Head Syndrome, which causes them to hear a loud bang when they wake up."
ToraMix19
"When I was younger I believe I experienced this a few times. Sounds I heard were: about a million people talking and laughing all at once, a train that irl would've been about a foot away from me based on the volume of the sound, and a door slamming loudly."
aliaisacreature
Pain
"Not sure if this is by design, but I totaled my car once, almost completely uninjured somehow. Then I looked down to my right hand which I remember jabbing into my dashboard at 55mph. Luckily (unluckily?) only my pinky took the blow. But instead of a floppy-udder full of bone-sand, my pinky was 0.5 inches long."
"Broke no bones, but instead perfectly stacked my phalanges, or finger bones, INTO my hand. This is fixed by a muscular Russian murse grabbing your pinky with both hands and pulling very hard. God I wish they gave me more lidocaine."
TelevisionOlympics
Functions
"If you have a surgery where they need to move your organs around they might not function for a day as the body assumes that they are dead."
tonythebutcher13
Move things around? You mean that's not fake when it happens on "Grey's Anatomy?"
"The only reason you are not aware of it is because the ambient noise kind of drowns it out because your ears focus on it. If you go to one of those super-silent rooms that absorb all sorts of sounds, it is a really weird way to reacquaint yourself with your body."
Black_Handkerchief
The Mouth
"Idk about the most disturbing but how bad human teeth are. We’d think it’s our sugary and processed diets these days that cause it, but even Otzi the iceman discovered in Italy was found to have terrible teeth, mouth diseases and cavities. It’s odd that even with the most basic of diets our teeth are so bad."
Dorianisconfused
In the bowels...
"I noticed this after my abdominal surgery. When I turned over in bed my guts seemed to fall from one side to the other. Mentioned to my doc and she confirmed it was my bowels rearranging themselves."
squatter_
"Apparently the doctor just throws your intestines back in there higgeldy-piggeldy because there isn't a correct way to pack them neatly."
LostDesigner9
A Quick Burst
"There are a vast number of ways that your body can malfunction and kill you with little or no warning. An aneurysm can go undetected until it bursts and kills you. Getting hit in the chest just the right way can stop your heart. You can encounter an allergen that never previously provoked an immune response that freaks out your body so badly that you die. You literally just never know if your body will just... die."
Unsolicited_Spiders
The body is such a conundrum. Sexy and gross all at once.
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Being overweight comes with numerous challenges.
And not only challenge's to one's health.
Unfortunately, overweight people are far too often a target for judgment and ridicule, often owing to misconceptions.
Even worse, sometimes simply being bigger than other people leads others to assume that they must also be less than or inadequate in general.
Redditor Rude_Guarantee_1479 was curious to hear what people felt is the worst part, or most common misconception about being overweight, leading them to ask:
"What is the worst part about being a fat person?"
Since I'm fat, I must also be stupid.
"For some reason people always assumed I was simple minded/stupid when I was obese."
"Now that I've lost weight people just talk to me like I'm a regular person."- batyablueberry.
No comfort to be had.
"Feeling uncomfortable all the time."- Keithninety.
Not being seen and always being noticed.
"I have a fear that nobody is ever going to fall in love with me because I don't feel visible and I am fat
Also, going to the pool or beach and you have to put on a swimsuit. I feel like a seal stranded on the beach.- mango_0111.
Inadequate clothes.
"My belt trying to stab me in my belly when I sit down."- jimjohn2017.
"Nothing seems to fit nicely or still look nice in your size."- OutlandishnessNo1950.
"The amount of pants you go through."- Cmonredditalready.
"Putting on a shirt, walking into the backroom, seeing how it makes me look, and then never pulling out my favorite shirt ever again."- YeaItsaThrowaway112.
Never feeling good about yourself.
"Feeling guilty while eating your favorite foods, not looking good in photos/clothes."- pissed_at_everything.
Mobility challenges.
"My thighs rubbing and chaffing."
"I'm so raw right now."- HeavyBreathin.
Unwanted nicknames.
"Not the worst part, but the most constantly sh*tty part is constantly being called 'big guy' by every kind of person other than other 'big guys'."- Professor-ish.
As the old saying goes, true beauty comes from within.
And the way someone looks should never be one's first impression.
Nor does anyone need to go through the day facing unwanted judgment when simply walking down the street.
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