Who hasn't had people over for too long or people that proved themselves to be nightmares? We all wish we had creative ways to get these people out of our houses but usually we fall short because in the moment it's hard to come up with that.
But now we have a Reddit list, courtesy of u/Kingnoamxz, for that very reason:
What's the best way to make unwanted guests to leave?
Here were the best ways.
Blizzard Use
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In my third year flat, my flat mate had this constant need for attention. He'd stand in my doorway or sit on my bed for hours chatting, I didn't mind at first, but it turned into every night of the week without fail and got really, really tedious.
I used to say all sorts like I'm going to chill and watch a film, he'd invite himself to watch it. Got to do my Diss work, he's bring in his laptop to do this.
In the end the only way to get rid of him was to play warcraft while we chatted he'd have half my attention and eventually give up.
Thanks, Square Enix
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Start talking about a topic that bores them.
Had that one friend living in the same building and visiting me too often and too long. But she kind of detested video games so whenever I started with "When I was playing Final Fantasy the other day..." she always blocked "Oh, look at the time! I have to go! Bye!" and went home for the day.
False Senility
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My grandpa used to get up, put on his pyjamas and act surprised that people were still in his living room. Worked like a charm.
Too Awks
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My girlfriend and I always act like we're getting pissed at each other and about to fight. No one wants to be around that.
Irritable Visitors Syndrome
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Stomach problems. Tell a guest that
"as much as I'd love for you to stay, I'm about to have serious gastrointestinal distress and I'd like you not to have to experience it with me!"
That has always worked for me.
Tea Time
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English here. I have 2 sets of tea mugs in my house, small and large. If someone turns up and I don't want them to be there long, I give them the small mugs and hope they leave when they've finished.
It's Down To A Science
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If you're British, you wait for any lull in conversation, put your hands on your knees as you stand up and say, "Well then..."
Panic Isn't Helpful
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Say, "Well, it was great catching up with you." Stand up, head towards the door. Yawn loudly.
Although one time this didn't work and I lost it. We had friends come to pick up an item they'd bought. They wouldn't stop chatting. Oh, the questions about everything. I had an appointment 2hrs drive away and I didn't want to be late. SO and I finally got them out of the house but they just stood there now talking about different stuff. I'd said I had to leave. Now. That I might be late. I felt panic. "It was great seeing you." I walked to the car and started getting in. SO was trapped on the doorstep talking to them. I lost it, screaming, "Hurry up (SO's name), we're going to be f-cking late. Get in the car, now." I look up to three shocked faces. SO says, "I'm coming. We're just saying good bye."
You Don't Have To Go Home But You Can't Stay Here
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Play 'Closing Time' over and over again until they get the hint.
Just LEAVE!
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My sister comes back from university for the weekend and one her friends gave her a lift home, let's call him Adam. Bare in mind she arrived home at around 4pm. I get home from school around 5 and Adam is still there after inviting himself in as he wanted a quick rest from the 2 hour drive from Birmingham to London.
Anyway, skip forward a couple of hours. It's 7pm, he's still there and keeps saying he needs to leave soon as he is having Friday night dinner at his aunties, whilst my mum is cooking for our Friday night dinner. Finally my dad walks in at 7.30 and is greeted by Adam who he has never met before with his hood up and feet sprawled over the sofa. My bald dad asks why he has his hood up to which he responds wittingly with "I didn't want to make you jealous of my hair." Dad's not happy, but laughs it off.
Eventually, Adam asks if he can stay for dinner, my mother being the typical Jewish mother that she is even though she has only cooked for the four of us can't say no. Now, we don't have a traditional Friday night dinner it usually last around 45 mins- 1 hour so think he will leave after. Oh, wrong we were, he's still here at 11pm and not looking likely to leave any time soon.
Eventually, Adam leaves to use the toilet. At which point my dad comes up with an ingenious solution, someone will phone the mobile and he'll pick up and pretend to be his brother claiming some emergency and we all have to go to his house. So, Adam comes out of the toilet, I ring my dad's phone, he has a fake conversation with no one and hangs up. He tells Adam we have to go over to my uncles whilst my dad puts on his coat. Adam accepts this and start to get ready to leave.
10 minutes later, Adam is still there 'getting ready'. This time my dad say we have to leave now and ushered everyone outside, locks the front door and we head to the car. Adam, gets into his car and just sits there. We wait a couple of minutes expecting him to drive off, but he never does, he just sits there looking at his phone. This is getting ridiculous now, my dad turns on the ignition and drives off. We go around the block and drive back up the road, and he is still there. So my dad parks up in the road next to house and wait 10 minutes to go back when he has finally gone.
We had to run away from our own house to get rid of an unwanted guest, because we are too polite to tell him to f-ck off.
Apple A Day Keeps Squatters At Bay
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In most Arab countries when you get visitors for the evening so not dinner, you start with a refreshment--> then tea with sweets --> finally fruit. So when fruits have been eaten, you should f***ing leave. So if you want people to leave, you give less sweets or bring out the fruit quickly.
Top Night
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Drink a lot, pass out, wake up, look around and say "what the f*** are you lot still doing here?". Pass out again. I didn't know I did this but I'm told it worked quite well.
Exit Contract
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As a guest, I try avoid all of this with an "exit contract."
There we are, having finished dinner and chatted for a few minutes. I take a deep breath, shortly followed by, "ah, well, this has been great. Thank you so much for having me, but I should probably get going and let you folks unwind." That's an offer to leave.
Sometimes my offer is accepted right then, in which case I'm happy to go home and resume my life as a curmudgeon. But nine times out of ten, the host/hostess will make a counter-offer: "Oh, won't you stay for some dessert? I made my (insert relevant dessert) just for this occasion." Their spouse will then say something along the lines of, "You really should stay. Susan's (insert relevant dessert) is out of this world."
If I'm not into the dessert, or if I know that Susan is a bad cook, I'll end the negotiations right there. I'll insist that I don't want to become a burden, and then pivot to excuses about my own responsibilities for the next day. Depending on my mood, I might also make a self-deprecating joke about how dessert won't help my (already terrible) figure.
If the dessert is something I fancy, however, I'll make a counter-offer to stay for that course of the meal, conditioned upon the right to leave shortly afterwards: "Well, okay. You've convinced me. But after that I really should be going." The host/hostess accepts, and boom. Contract made.
It's understood that I'm going to demolish Susan's strawberry cheesecake with the extra-thick graham cracker crust, and then bounce. No coffee. No cordials. No half-awake blathering. Just cheesecake and f*** off.
Rinse and Repeat
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I've once tried telling this person I have to study, that they should leave, stop serving drinks, studied and ignored her, cooked and ate a dinner for myself only, hopped into the shower... and she didn't leave.
I had to actually shove her out of the door. In my towel. Even though she was twice my size.
So yeah, I guess shoving them out is the most effective way.
Minnesotan Kindness
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If you're Minnesotan you say "well it's getting pretty late..." and then your guests will say "oh yeah we better get going.." and then you say "Oh but there's no rush, feel free to stay as long as you want" and then you start talking about something stupid for another four hours and then you say "well it's getting pretty late..." and then the cycle repeats itself, the snake eats its own tail.
Edit: but seriously, what my friends and I do is say "I don't want to be rude but everyone needs to get the f*** out of my apartment"
Business Minded
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Have some business cards printed up with the simple phrase, " Please Leave", and have someone quietly hand it to them. It's effective and the reaction is priceless!!!
Mr. Clean Approach
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I always start doing the deep clean of the kitchen, dishes, taking out garbage etc. I feel like this is usually a big enough cue. And if a few guest do linger then I have some company during my chores and the good ones will offer to help. I'll usually decline and then by the time I'm done they can see how tired I am.
Milking It
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Well, my mom told me this one, never seen it in practice though.
Back in the day, they had friends that always overstayed their welcome. This was how they apparently made it clear that they were overstaying their welcome.
Whenever the time came that they should really leave, they would say the following to their guests:
"Before we go to bed, we always take a glass of milk. Would you also like to have a glass of milk?"
The old wives' tales.
They are the stories of legend.
I think we all need a big DEEP Google dive though.
Where did they originate?
WHO ARE THE OLD WIVES!
You don't hear about them as much anymore.
It's like science and logic are suddenly a thing.
But they sure are a good way to keep your kids and their behavior in line.
Redditor the_spring_goddess wanted to discuss the tall tales we've all been fed through life, so they asked:
"What is an old wives tale that people still believe?"
"Wait an hour to swim after eating."
What a crock!
So many summer hours wasted.
I want revenge for that one.
Say Nothing
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"An undercover cop has to tell you he's a cop if you ask him."
LonelyMail5115
"Pretty much most advice when it comes to cops are old wives tales. I’m not even a cop but most of the advice you hear is pretty off."
I_AM_AN_A**HOLE_AMA
Say Something
"That you have to wait 24 hours to report someone missing."
Severe_Airport1426
"I really think this one is important and should be the top regardless. As it’s a piece of advice that needs to be relearned and the only way to do that is through awareness."
crappycurtains
"This used to be true. I think they changed it after some guy named Brandon went missing back in the '80s or '70s. You used to have to wait 24 hours if the missing person was an adult because they had 'a right to be missing' and then everyone realized that was stupid and stopped doing it."
AlbinoShavedGorilla
Body Temps
"That drinking ice cold water after eating oily foods will solidify the oil and permanently remain in your body. I informed my coworker that if your body temperature ever reached that point, you’d have bigger problems than weight gain."
chriseo22
"Oh, I have a cousin who 100% believed this. One of those guys who believed every early 2000s internet rumor and old wives tale. One night I chugged a big glass of ice water after dinner and he started freaking out and saying my guts were gonna harden."
"I sarcastically told him to drive me to the hospital if that happened. Obviously, nothing happened and the next morning I said something like 'Thanks for being on standby in case my guts filled with hardened oil.' He just walked off muttering under his breath."
apocalypticradish
Arms Down
"When I was pregnant, I was told by young and old alike that I should NOT raise my arms above my head or exert myself in such a manner because it could cause cord strangulation to my unborn sons and daughters."
Fatmouse84
10 Years Actually
Unimpressed Uh Huh GIF by Brooklyn Nine-Nine
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"Chewing gum stays in your stomach for 7 years."
"I remember accidentally swallowing a piece of gum when I was a kid in like 1995 and just accepting my fate like welp, gonna have this in my stomach til high school I guess."
Gecko-911
I was so afraid to sallow my gum when I was young.
This tale is haunting.
High/Low
Hungry Debra Messing GIF by Will & Grace
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"You can tell the sex of the baby by how you carry."
LeastFormal9366
"Pregnancy certainly wins awards for the most old wives tales. So much absolute BS was repeated to us by everyone we talked to."
IllIIIlIllIlIIlIllI
The Cursed
"If you’re a woman and you wear opal jewelry but opal is not your birthstone (October), you’ll never be able to have children, or will be widowed, or just generally have bad luck or something. You can counteract this by having a diamond in the same piece of jewelry as the opal, though."
"I have a nice opal ring that my parents gave me years ago, and I’ve had other women give me this 'advice' unprompted more than once when I’ve worn it. I have absolutely no idea where it started, but I’m pretty sure this little chunk of silicate rock has no concept of what month I was born in, let alone of how my reproductive organs work."
SmoreOfBabylon
Stay In
"Going outside with wet hair will make you get pneumonia. Or an earache. Or maybe arthritis. Depends on which old wife you listen to."
"Jokes on them - I haven't blow-dried my hair in decades and usually leave the house with wet hair in the morning. On winter mornings, the tips of my hair get frozen. No ear infections or pneumonia or arthritis yet."
worldbound0514
Dreams and Facts
"You never make anyone up in your dreams you've seen everyone in your dreams somewhere else before and never make anyone up entirely."
"How would you possibly prove that to be true? My partner adamantly believes this and tells me this 'fact' whenever I have a dream about someone I've never met before."
mattshonestreddit
"My late wife used to tell me that before she met me she would have dreams of standing at an alter on her wedding day but could never see the guy's face, no matter how hard she tried. After meeting me the face was filled in with mine. Don't know if it's true but one of those things I like thinking of every now and then when I miss her."
Darthdemented
Cracked
Getting Ready Episode 2 GIF by The Office
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"Some people still believe cracking knuckles causes arthritis."
Choice-Grapefruit-44
"There's a doctor (Donald Unger) that cracked his knuckles a couple of times a day for 60 years, but only on one hand, just to prove it. Both hands remained exactly the same."
MacyTmcterry
I love my knuckles.
Do you have any tall tales to add to the list? Let us know in the comments below.
