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People's Craziest 'You Can't Eat At Everyone's House' Experiences

Reddit user 195901 asked: 'What is your “can’t eat at everybody’s house” horror story?'

Person cooking in home kitchen
Conscious Design on Unsplash

We've all heard the phrase, "You can't eat at everybody's house," but some of us have a few examples of our own to live by.

From not properly cleaning the environment to questionable hygiene ourselves, there are countless reasons why a person may not want to eat what you've cooked after watching you prepare it.

Bracing themselves, Redditor 195901 asked:

"What is your 'you can't eat at everybody's house' horror story?"

Fly Spray Sandwiches

"I told my dad my sandwich tasted like fly spray at my grandma's house. He didn’t believe me."

"Two days later, I caught my grandma spraying the benches 'clean' with the two-dollar fly spray you find at the cheap store."

"Dad figured it was safe to make sandwiches straight on the countertop because they looked clean. I dragged him over to see and he apologized and took my sister and me for fish and chips for lunch."

- littlehungrygiraffe

Special Seasoning Deviled Eggs

"My crackpot aunt served us a lovely tray of deviled eggs, complete with very old paprika sprinkled on top. So old, in fact, the many weevils mixed in it were dead."

- PhoneboothLynn

A Disturbing Surprise

"I visited a friend's house who was living with his mother, and she asked if I wanted a coffee and I said I would."

"Upon getting to the bottom of the cup and taking the last few gulps, I found there was a used bandaid stuck to the bottom… I never ate or drank there again."

- MrRailton

In Need of Child Protective Services

"I was babysitting a kid in a pretty dirty house. I was told to wake him up, supervise bathing and changing clothes, and feed him. I was welcome to whatever was in the fridge. Okay. The house and his clothes were filthy."

"Then, when I opened the cabinets, floods of roaches poured out. There were roaches in every opened box and container."

"I took him back to my house and returned him later that day. I hope the boy ended up in a better situation. I found out CPS (Child Protective Services) got involved shortly after."

- Alltheprettydresses

Traumatized by Raisins

"I was gonna complain about raisins in the potato salad but the other comments on here are scary. Oh my god."

- tcumber

"When I was a young kid, I stayed over at a friend's place, and his mom made veal or something with godd**n raisins INSIDE the meat somehow. It was so nasty, I never forgot it."

- User2716057

You WISH That Was Vinegar

"My MIL fished around in the green bin (compost bin) with her bare hands, didn't wash them, WIPED her GARBAGE JUICE HANDS on the tea towel, and then WENT BACK TO PREPPING THE SALAD."

"She also got horrifically offended if I didn't want to eat at her house."

- 116843189

Poor Home Hygiene

"My first boyfriend’s parents invited me for Thanksgiving. I came over a few days before Christmas and all the same dirty dishes from Thanksgiving were still in the kitchen. I passed on coming over for Christmas dinner."

- MinimalistHomestead

Every Surface Covered

"I went to a friend's house after school, he was going to teach a group of us to play D&D (Dungeons and Dragons)."

"We got there and his house was disgusting. I'm not the neatest person but the carpet hadn't been vacuumed in forever, clothes were all over the place, and dirty dishes were stacked everywhere."

"I tried to be polite even though the place reeked, but at some point, he was like, 'Who wants snacks!'"

"He picked up a bowl that was crusted with stuff, splashed in some water, wiped it with a towel that clearly hadn't been washed that decade, and poured chips into it. Then he asked if we wanted to stay for dinner. We did not."

- KnittinAndB***hin

O Holy Expiration Dates

"When I was a kid, Christmas Eve was always celebrated at Grandma's. I always got sick afterward. Like, Merry Christmas, you're going to puke now."

"It wasn't until I was all grown up and helping her out in the last weeks of her life that I learned why. She did not believe in expiration dates on anything!"

- SundayMorningTrisha

An Immune System to Remember

"My grandma made me a food phobic from a young age. Whether it was ramen with moths floating on top, or chunky milk in my cereal, it just scarred me for life."

"Dinner at her house was always a fight. Not eating her food was not an option. I'm not sure why that was the hill she would always choose to die on, because she was an amazing grandma other than this."

"Expiration dates aren't a thing. If the cheese was moldy, you cut it off... I think living through the great depression and raising kids in poverty changed her mindset on food."

"I mean obviously, she's doing something right because she's 91. She must have the immunity of a superhero."

- tha_stormin_mormon

Neighborly Love

"I used to help an old neighbor out with grocery shopping, I’d drop the bags at her door and she’d give me a check for the amount of groceries. She’d give me homemade cookies once in a while, chocolate chips."

"I didn’t ever eat them because one time I caught sight of her apartment. It was a large studio, a small kitchen, and tv, and a bed/couch. And there were about 20 cans of cat food, half-eaten, and one million flies and small maggots in different stages of growth, dishes with crusty food stuck to them, and a wall of empty beer cans."

"After I saw that, and got a whiff of her apartment, I started helping her with taking garbage out and putting groceries away, cleaning out her fridge, and making sure her cat was healthy."

"A couple of months later, she got the virus, ended up at a rehab facility, and passed within two weeks."

"Some people need help and a little company…"

- SnooPeripherals6557

No Longer Rice

"A girl I was interested in at the time had cats. I came to her house one day to pick her up for a date and he had a large sack of rice open in her pantry with the pantry door open."

"One of the cats hopped out of the sack of rice and she just casually laughed at it like, 'Oh, they are always getting into things.'"

"I came over the following weekend that SAME sack of rice was in the pantry and I could hear one of them tussling around in it again, we stopped dating sometime after that but anytime she offered to cook for me I immediately pivoted to taking her out to eat instead."

- justad**nfool

"Those cats probably used it as litter."

- Anonymanx

"Yeah, that was my fear."

- justad**nfool

Could Have Warned Her

"My mom told me one about going over to her aunt Virginia's house. She, her parents, and her siblings were sat around the kitchen while her aunt cooked, and my mom could not figure out why no one else was having ANY of this incredibly delicious bread that was on the table."

"She was on her third slice when her aunt stepped out to do something else, and my mom was told by her brother to go look in the flour bin."

"It was absolutely filled with miller moth larvae. Aunt Virginia had been losing her eyesight for years."

- smoothiefruit

"It's f**ked of her parents not to warn her not to eat the bread... like, what the f**k, you KNOW the bread isn't safe, so you're not eating it, but you're fine with letting your daughter have three slices?"

- whydontthissitework

Bad to the Point of Malnutrition

"I graduated high school at 6' 10" tall, but weighing only 120 pounds."

"That's not skinny, that's emaciated."

"The food prepared by my bio-mom was so bad that it wasn't providing me with the nutrients or calories I needed to survive. I went off to college where I had to cook for myself (I wasn't allowed to cook at home because my father insisted that "cooking was women's work")."

"Not only did I discover that food didn't have to be burnt to a crisp, flavorless, or boiled until everything was grey. I also discovered that food can be made to taste good, and using things like salt, or pepper, spices, or various condiments can make it taste amazing."

"The "freshman 15" likely saved my life."

"The thing is, I don't think that my biomom was even aware that her food was that disgusting. Whenever we went out for dinner (which was more often than what my father wanted, but he was the one who insisted on going), she did nothing but complain about how the food was undercooked, 'practically raw,' or 'too spicy,' to eat."

"When she went to other people's houses (including her own extended family) she would criticize them for 'doing it wrong' when she watched them cook anything. She would often end up refusing to eat their food because she 'watched them ruin it,' when they cooked it. We never had guests over to eat her cooking. Ever."

- Galaxy_Ranger_Bob

Clean Hands

"We have a chili contest every year at work around Thanksgiving and I've stopped participating in voting for it because I want to know whose I'm eating before taking any. I work with some great people, but I wouldn't eat at or anything from their house. Strangely enough, the guy I absolutely despise I'll gladly eat his chili because he is clean and well kept and I know his house is."

"I also work with a bunch of people who don't wash their hands after using the bathroom in any capacity and we've secretly kept a list so to avoid any potlucks where they take food or to get food before they do."

- SafewordisJohnCandy

We're left with chills after reading these stories.

Where some people might make some mistakes in the kitchen out of just not knowing, like not properly washing rice before cooking it, most of these are just careless mistakes that have disgusting, if not dangerous, results.

People Over 50 Explain How Working Has Changed Since They Were Young

Reddit user LightningStrikes818 asked: 'Redditors who are 50+ years old, what has changed the most about working when you started working vs working nowadays?'

It feels like the workplace is constantly changing, especially since the pandemic, with more people working from home, more systems being automated, and more social pressure for workplaces to evolve.

But it's even more jarring to think of how much the workplace has changed for those who have been in the workforce for many decades and how seemingly every aspect of their work has changed... at least once.

Redditor LightningStrikes818 asked:

"Redditors who are 50 years old or older, what has changed the most about working when you started working vs. working nowadays?"

Dress Codes

"Skirts/dresses and pantyhose required of women in many offices through the 1990s."

- hhhmmm0

"Flipside: suits and ties, buttoned-up shirts. Brutal in summer."

- ridleyfiredome

"Pantyhose were high maintenance. I had to have an extra pair in my desk drawer in case of a major run. I had clear nail polish at home and work to stop any runs above the hemline."

"Pantyhose were expensive, I had nice department store hose for special occasions, and bulk mail order hose for daily wear. They had to be washed in mesh bags and hung to dry."

"In the summer I’d get swamp crotch when it was hot and humid, and heat rash on my thighs where they rubbed."

"Heels had to be polished and the heel tips replaced at the shoe shop. Most office clothes were dry clean only, and it was expensive, and yet another errand. Office clothes were expensive, I didn’t have many clothes, I had to plan what to wear and time the dry cleaning."

"I don’t miss the nightmare of heels and hose from the 80’s."

- phineasminius

Electrical Transfer, Who?

"Having to go to the bank to cash my paycheck."

- Cndngirl

"Oh my god, yes, and we needed to wait until after 3:00 PM to cash it."

- Big-Reflection-104

Work and... Strip Clubs?

"We took a company van with a logo on it to take out-of-town guests to a strip club. I don’t even think I can say that out loud at work today."

- scruffles360

"Strip clubs were standard practice. Especially in sales. Many deals closed in those places over my career."

- YOU_WONT_LIKE_IT

Smoking Spaces

"People smoking indoors. Clouds of smoke everywhere in the office and no way for a nonsmoker to avoid it. That was the norm so you just had to suck it up."

- andBobsyourcat

"Yes, at one stage I had the misfortune of sitting next to someone who used to smoke a pipe. I could barely see my computer screen at times for the clouds of smoke."

"Also, the IT support guy would come over to do something and he always had a cigarette dangling from his lips, dropping ash into my keyboard. Urgh! Different times!"

- MickSturbs

Office Parties of Old

"Man, in state government, all the older employees have similar stories of work parties in the 90s. Booze everywhere, smoking, people dancing, and having fun. Everyone brought their spouses, etc."

"Now you're lucky if you see a Christmas cake. People wonder why everything feels like it's coming apart at the seams and people are so unhappy. That aspect of being a human being fun, even at work is gone."

- t00sl0w

"I'm a millennial in industrial equipment sales, and it genuinely feels like you showed up to a party about an hour after everyone was gone."

"Nowadays, I can't even have a beer with dinner and expect to expense it."

- titsmuhgeeee

"Oh man, the office Christmas parties then, versus now?? Forget about it. Like comparing a wedding to a funeral."

- Schyznik

Safety Precautions

"I'm 42 but feel like I want to chime in."

"Health and safety has changed loads. You wouldn't get away with half the sh*t we did when I was 17."

- section4

Constantly, Always Sitting

"I watched office work go from sedentary to virtually immobile. We used to retrieve paper files, pass memos around, and consult with coworkers in other sections and floors."

"Now everything is available on the screen in front of us, everything can be shared with a few clicks. It’s convenient, but so unhealthy."

- MathematicianWitty23

What's a Pension Again?

"Hardly anybody has a pension anymore."

- whitewolfdogwalker

"That's where I feel really lucky to be in Australia, we have mandatory superannuation (a percentage of your pay plus employer contribution goes into a fund for your retirement) and most people will also qualify for an age care pension in addition to their super."

"The pension isn't really enough for our current seniors who don't have much super (due to the timeline of when it was introduced) but generations after that should be relatively well set up for retirement."

- TheGardenNymph

Work Availability in General

"I'm in the UK."

"It was a great deal easier to find work. You'd get vacancies posted in various places and could go down to the Job Centre, browse vacancies posted on postcards on boards, pick out the jobs you were interested in, and get a member of staff to arrange an interview for you. Just like that."

"Dress codes were more formal and you actually had to go to work. If you worked in an office for the right company work finished Friday lunchtime when you'd go with your colleagues to the pub. You'd go back after the 'liquid' lunch hour and work Friday afternoon, but no sh*t got done and work piled up for Monday."

"You got paid either direct debit, cash or if you were unlucky by cheque. You had to deposit your cheque in the bank or building society and wait for the cheque to clear, usually four days, but sometimes 10 days. If you got paid cash you'd get it in a small brown envelope known as a wage packet which listed all deductions on the outside. It still felt good to tear open the wage packet and take out the cash."

- ElvishMystical

The Value of Employees

"That you chose a career, and you worked for an employee, and they valued your experience. You rose in the ranks of your profession, you became a valued team member, and you stayed until you retired."

"Changing jobs often is frowned on; if you make a job commitment, you follow through on it. People get bothered and quit/move/change really quickly now. That's not necessarily bad, but it has created a gap in expertise; everyone is new all the time, and there isn't any value in having experience."

"If you happen to be an elder in your field with some level of legacy knowledge; it doesn't seem to matter because your boss is likely younger than you and less experienced."

"There used to be jobs what you did to get paid and live, and careers, what you did because you wanted to invest time into being good at something, AND that was how you made a living."

"Moreover, you went to school to be in a career. So you put time and energy into attaining your job, therefore you'd want to stay in it and grow. In theory."

"I'm not sure anyone cares about being in a career anymore. Because we all feel so betrayed by the system; wages not keeping up with COL, inflation, (and inflation subsiding and prices staying high because it's what the market will bear), and when everyone is replaceable, then no one is an expert."

"I'm GenX. I work in healthcare. I work in a broken system that no one actually wants to fix. Those of us working in this system are now just grist for the mill. It's too bad because we spent a lot of time and money going to school to be able to work in our chosen field."

"In contrast, my mom was also a nurse. She had a career. She worked in it until she was 70 and retired. She worked with a team that mostly stayed the same, over decades. I don't work with anyone I started with at my job six years ago."

- bunnehfeet

Business Phones

"People used to answer their business phones."

- BornFree2018

"Oh my god, work landline numbers. I never see those anymore. I don’t even have a phone number in my email signature at work anymore."

"And business cards used to be such a big deal. I used to get really excited to see my name and title in print. I would always send my parents one when I got a new job. What a dork!"

- ptpoa120000

What Work-Life Balance?

"There was a lot more understanding back in the 80's and 90's that each employee had a life outside of work, and work would end at 5:00 PM. You could leave work and go do something that you liked, maybe a martial arts class or some learning workshop somewhere."

"There were no phone calls. Text messages and email hadn't happened yet. Pagers were rare. People were in better shape. They had time to workout and were encouraged by their bosses to go do something to keep in shape."

"These days, it's the opposite. There's no encouragement from your boss or your coworkers other than to just work around the clock. You're never 'off.' Emails, text messages, Slack messages, video calls, and 'tickets' from your company's internal issue tracking system come in at all hours of the day."

"You're tracked in every way possible these days. You're given impossible deadlines. It now takes incredible willpower to break free and 'sneak' away to go workout. You're exhausted all the time, so you lose the desire to workout. You just want sleep."

"Instead of meeting up with friends somewhere for dinner, you are happy to just get home, get something hot to eat from your microwave, and numb yourself by watching YouTube and Reddit."

"What you do now during your downtime is very low quality and is just done to unwind from the stress that follows you no matter where you are. They call this Flex Time, and its purpose is ostensibly to give you the ability to walk away from your work and go enjoy life. Funny."

- mhv64sj

New Measures of Success

​"Working for a company for many years was seen as honorable and a sign you were a good worker."

"Now it’s viewed as someone complacent, scared of change, and stupid for not salary hopping."

"I don’t disagree, though; I’ve been at my company for a long time and it’s anything but complacent and always changing."

- MysteryMeat11

"This is why we in-betweeners especially (between gen-x and millennial) have been conflicted and confused about it all. We were raised by older boomers and heard it's best to stay with companies because it looks bad on resumes to not and can even affect your buying things like houses and cars."

"But then when we did, we were let go during times like the recession and cutbacks having to start all over again, on top of not getting raises like the new hires and then confused because we were told staying and being loyal looked good and led to success."

- fidgetypenguin123

A Literal Paper Trail

"Paper. Lots of paper."

"Before email, there were people (secretaries or admins) who would take a memo someone printed out on their computer, make physical copies, and either walk around to every executive’s desk, or put into inter-office mail. This memo could be to a few people, one person, or for a general announcement needed to go to everyone."

"For expediency, these memos would also be posted in public areas (lunchroom, messaging board) if it was a general notice. These memos were often routed from the head manager throughout the department if it was more for general information."

"We once had a wave of new hires (about 20 people in our company of 400) and each got their own announcement. So, 20 people and 50 copies was two reams of paper. Copied. Hand carried or inter-department mailed. For one set of announcements."

"Oh, and each department admin had their own routing slip (small piece of paper with each person in the department’s name) that was stapled to the announcement. When you got the memo, you read it, crossed your name off, and gave it to the next person on the list."

"That’s where 'they must not have gotten the memo' comes from."

- UncleGizmo

It's interesting to look back on how things have changed. While some things have definitely improved, like improved safety precautions and more relaxed attire, other things like a sense of work-life balance have certainly declined.

If people were able to choose their working conditions, it'd be interesting to see if they'd choose today's working conditions or a different work-life balance...

There are countless tropes in movies and books that people love to follow.

From enemies to lovers, to final girls, to certain types of jump scares, there are people who will read a book or watch a movie simply because their favorite trope has been promised to be in there!

A much-loved trope is the strong female main character, or even the strong female sidekick, and fortunately, they're becoming much more commonly represented.

Keep reading...Show less

We've all heard creepy rumors or legends that have made falling to sleep far more challenging than necessary.

Such as ghosts that supposedly haunt old buildings or alligators supposedly lurking in sewer systems.

If there's anything guaranteed to send shivers down the spine of superstitious or panic-stricken individuals, it's learning that the terrifying information they've just been told is fact, and not fiction.

Making one nervous to step out their door in the morning, let alone fall asleep.

Redditor mimiqttt was eager to hear the most utterly spine-tingling facts people knew, leading them to ask:

"What are some creepy facts you know?"

For The Sake Of Transparency...

"Box Jellyfish are not only the most venomous jellies to humans, but they also possess at least 24 functional eyes (of various degree) on its body despite having no centralized brain."

"Four of its eyes always peer up out of the water regardless of the animal's body position."

"Some eyes can make out images, others are more primitive."- Southern_Gator

The Last Thing You'll Ever Hear...

"Hearing is the last sense you lose before dying."- HorrorPusherr

Talk About Keeping You Up At Night...

"Hundreds of people die every year."

"From being strangled by their bedsheets."- bender0x7d1

Sunny Day Bed GIF by VVS FILMSGiphy

Say Cheese!

"If all bacteria in a cheese decided to move in the same direction the cheese would move quite a distance in a day."- Worldly-Traffic-5503

Deserving Of A Raised Brow...

"Due to human artificial selection, dogs are evolving eyebrows."- Light_of_Niwen

Beyond An Existential Problem...

"There is a condition where you just think you’re dead or don’t exist."

"People who have it sometimes stop eating because they think they’re dead."- BlueCanary434

Sad Halloween GIF by This GIF Is HauntedGiphy

Among The Many Reasons You Should Always Knock...

"One of the most common places to find a dead body is on the toilet."

"Cause when they're alive and not feeling well, the first thing they do is go to the toilet thinking it could be a bowel issue."-pumpkinthighs

Dubious Honor...

"Herculaneum is better preserved than Pompeii, it just hasn't been excavated as much."

"Pompeii was essentially destroyed by falling volcanic rock, it's dead later being buried by ash after rigor had set in."

"Herculaneum was destroyed by pyroclastic flows so hot that the liquids in people's bodies turned to vapor and exploded instantly."

"Currently, the population in the area is so large that the Italian government is having a hard time deciding whether or not it's worth it to warn or evacuate them or not."-Reddit

Can't Say It Ran In The Family

"In a strange and semi creepy coincidence, Robert Lincoln, son of Abraham Lincoln, was saved from falling off a train platform and being run over by Edwin Booth, brother of John Wilkes Booth."- Infamous-Piece3783

train tracks natgeo channel GIF by National Geographic ChannelGiphy

A Job Not Fit For The Human Race.

"Cadaver dogs can smell bodies through waters."

"Lakes , etc."- PlaysTheTriangle

...BWAHAHAHAHAHA...

"If you build something in your yard against HOA rules, then it’s called an unwanted erection."- thecookiesmonster

When Your Body Starts Gaining Up On You...

"Your eyes have their own immune system that works separately from your body’s immune system."

"If your body’s immune system found out it would attack your eyes."

"I read this here and at my last eye appointment I asked if it was true."

"The eye doctor said 'Yeah, it’s kinda weird' and I was like 'kinda?'"- McSmackthe1st

Eyes Blink GIF by Eternal FamilyGiphy

Pretty And Delicate On The Outside...

"If given access to it, butterflies will happily drink blood."- supermarketblues

The Only Thing Scarier Than One Black Hole...

"During the merger of two black holes, a black holes can occasionally get ejected from the system and get shot out into open space and become a wandering black hole."

"The creepy part for me is that because a large part of the way in which we see black holes is through their interactions with their surroundings we wouldn’t really be able to see it coming towards us."- rflok34

Vanity Is A Sin, After All...

'Everyone who has ever owned the HOPE DIAMOND has met some sort of gruesome, untimely death."- QuietRulrOfEvrything

diamond supply GIFGiphy

The world is a fascinating, often terrifying place.

Perhaps why some people firmly believe ignorance is bliss.

On the other hand, knowledge is power.

So if you see a school of jellyfish, you all now know better than to think they can't also see you...


a man laying in the grass with a bottle of beer
Photo by thom masat on Unsplash

It's no secret alcohol lowers inhibitions and sometimes messes with people's self-control.

Since I never saw the appeal of passing out, losing my memories of a party, or waking up in a strange place the next morning with nothing but the clothes on my back, I never drank myself past tipsy. That policy, however, enabled me to bear witness and remember the crazy things my friends did while drunk.

When I was in college, my roommate and I liked to cut across the woods to get to places faster. This was before every smartphone came with a built-in flashlight, and when flashlight apps were basically jokes. In order to get through the woods safely at night, we bought small, powerful flashlights at the start of the year.

We cut across those woods to get to a party one night, and my roommate got extremely drunk. There was an unexpected blackout during the party, so in addition to candles and battery-powered lanterns, my roommate turned on her flashlight. She was so drunk, she thought it was a person and fell in love with it. Every time the light shone on her, the flashlight was telling her it loved her too, but every time it shone on someone else, it was cheating on her.

By the end of the night, she was drunk that she dropped and broke the flashlight, and cried because she thought she killed it. I had to surrepticiously throw her flashlight out and replace it with mine, pretending that it had passed out, but wasn't dead. By the time we got back to our dorm, she broke mine too, but had fallen asleep right after, so there was no more crying.

Looking back, maybe it was a good thing this happened when smartphones didn't have built-in flashlights...

I'm not the only one who has witnessed someone doing something ridiculous when they were drunk. Redditors have both done stupid -- and in some cases, really bad -- things, and seen stupid or really bad things, and are eager to share.

It all started when Redditor S4phire34 asked:

"People who have been really drunk, whats the worst thing that you have done?"

Classic

"Had a Christmas party and there was a different party next door that was having an awards type event, I got up on stage and starting singing Jessie’s Girl. Even to this day I am mortified."

– princesssmurfet

"If it makes you feel any better, at least a handful of people at that awards show probably thought it was hysterical."

– TheMilkmanHathCome

"I was in a bar, thought it was open mic. Went on stage with the band (it wasn’t open mic) and sang ‘Brown eyed Girl.’"

– judgymom

Away From Home

"Fell asleep in the alleyway. It was dumb and dangerous. Friend found me."

– hotoatcereal

"Yup! Slept in a parking garage one time."

– Moneyshot_ITF

Nothing Good Happens After 2 AM

"It was a birthday and my friends brought me a shot for every year."

"Unfortunately I got sick on the side of a major highway in Rochester, NY @ 2:00 in the morning. Even worse I wanted them to leave me there to sleep…did I mention that it was in the middle of winter?? Lucky to be typing this post."

"I lost a lot of self respect and the moral high ground in any substance abuse conversation I will ever have with those friends."

– nytocarolina

Speech!

"Telling my girlfriends mother that i couldn't [sleep with] her daughter that evening cause i was too drunk to get a condom on."

– Various-Ostrich-5664

"This would keep me up at night for decades."

– Lukealove

"Wedding toast stuff. Obviously not directly but that deserves an inside joke nod."

– commitpushdrink

Ick!

"Went out drinking with fellow booksellers and got very drunk indeed. Had the brilliant idea to sleep close to the bookshop rather than go home. Walked around and eventually found a little hut near the car park for the attendant to work in during the day. Climbed through the window and slept in his chair."

"At some point in the night I felt very ill and rather than make a mess, I puked in the little drawer in his little desk. Filled it completely to the top, closed it, and went back to sleep. Woke up with a terrible hangover and went straight back to work. Remembered halfway through the day about the puke and have felt terrible about it ever since. Still find it hard to read Goldilocks and the Three Bears with the kids."

– MikeSizemore

Liar, Liar?

"Got arrested after puking on a cops shoes swearing i wasn’t drunk."

– BrushNo1369

"I'm thinking if he already had to have the conversation with a cop that he wasn't drunk, it was probably for whatever started the conversation."

– garbagedisposalpasta

Awkward

"My buddy told me he'd take me home after a night out. He got too drunk and didn't want to drive (good choice), so he called me a cab and got me a hoagie from Wawa."

"The last thing I remember was climbing into the cab. I really wish I could recall the events of the night after that."

"The next morning I woke up in someone's gravel driveway, no hoagie and no phone, I only had my wallet."

"I just hope I didn't ruin that cabbies night but I can almost be assured that I did."

– LeviathanIsI

That's Unfortunate

"I was too drunk to drive so I drove my RC car to the liquor store while walking behind it and it got ran over by a drunk driver. Rip SCX10."

– Car_loapher

"Hold on just the first half of this alone is f**king hilarious. “I’m too drunk to drive, so I’ll walk there. I just need to find a car to take…”"

– IronLusk

"Let me find my keys...er...remote."

– lightningspider97

All By Myself

"Trying to walk in higher heels than usual I fell into a swimming pool at a party where I didn't know the hosts very well. Nobody wanted to fish me out as I was wearing a long maxi dress it was hard to climb out on my own."

– tinkblueyez209

"So, people just straight up watched you struggle to get out while sneaking pics?"

– NottaPattaPoopa

Sound The Alarms

"Walked away from a party, went to my friends garage and slept. Woke up, went back. They had called police and coastal guard becuase they thought I had drowned or went missing."

– Den_dar_Alex

"Nobody checked the garage? Your friends sound like the bust."

– flacobronco

"Well everyone was drunk so no one thought about it. The garage was 2000 metres and owned by his dad. So would've thought to check there."

– Den_dar_Alex

Yikes!

"I came home very drunk one time and my roommate had baked this chocolate lava cake thing with a Betty Crocker mix. I took one look at it and started f**king devouring it with a spoon. He came into the kitchen the next morning and found half of it missing with very obvious spoon marks. I don't even think he got to eat any of it. Needless to say he was pissed."

– disgruntled-capybara

"Did you bake him one in repayment?"

– Beavur

"No, but I bought a replacement box for him."

– disgruntled-capybara

""Here, more work!""

– Tshirt_Addict

"duuuuude this is where you had to buy him a nice cake or give him the box plus his labor so like $20."

– ixlovextoxkiss

Woof, Woof!

"Stole the hosts lunch in their fridge, ate it, then threw it up all over their deck and it froze over in the -30°C weather and they had to hack it off with a shovel."

– HalfChineseJesus

"This is funny because if I didn't know the question I would guess a dog wrote this."

– mro777

"I threw a chicken into a swimming pool once, and then dived in to rescue it. According to my friend, I was so distraught that I took it to bed with me to keep it warm."

"When I woke up the next morning I had no memory of the night before and found a chicken in my shower."

– massive-bafe

"I was hesitant to hit this thread cause I figured it could be really dark but this has to be one the greatest stories I’ve ever heard in my life 😂"

– capnsmirks

"Was it a live chicken?"

– SentientRock123

"Yes. It was my cleaner's pet chicken, who lived in a small pen near the pool (the chicken, not the cleaner)."

– massive-bafe

A Lucky Break

"I was 21, maybe 22. Just transferred to UW-Milwaukee. Every weekend I was going out to the bars/clubs with a bunch of international students I befriended. One weekend, we all went to a frat party where some of the guys asked me to join. I wasn’t interested at the time so politely declined."

"Fast forward a couple of weekends later, me and my buddies are at a club and I got so drunk I realized I just needed to go home. I called a cab (Uber and Lyft wasn’t a thing back then) and (in my drunken stupor) realized I didn’t have any cash on me. The cab driver was so pissed he took me all the way back to the club that he picked me up at and dropped me off."

"I started walking home, fell down and broke my cell phone so I couldn’t call anyone for a ride. While I was walking, a policeman pulled up beside me probably realizing I was completely hammered and maybe needed help."

"Not sure why, but I told the cop I was part of the fraternity that had asked me to join a couple of weeks ago. He said “wait really? I’m an alumni from there. Get in, I’ll drop you off.” Brought me right back to my dorm lol."

– niemzi

If only we were all that lucky!