Lies can be harmless....right?!

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As Dr. House famously said, everybody lies. Aren't you curious to see what your fellow humans are occupying themselves lying about?

Redditor el___diablo asked:

What was the last lie you told ?

Behold, the recent lie museum.

Unsure

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A friend gave me a bunch of squash from his garden. I hate squash. I brought the bag of squash to work so my co-workers could take them home. I don't know why but this became a big deal and all day long everyone asked me how I grew so much squash. Rather than tell them that the squash came from a friend I lied and told them that I grew the squash. I don't know why I did this.

Lollygagging

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I just told my coworker I was in the middle of something very important. I'm not doing sh-t, other than reading this thread.

Cricketing

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"Sorry I thought I responded to your text but never pushed send :("

Hoarding

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I told my 5 year old we are out of candy.

There is plenty of candy.

And it's mine.

A Plan

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Told my boss just now that I'm leaving work early today for a doctors appointment. I don't feel well.

Truth is I have an interview at 3pm. They received my resume sumitted last night and want to talk ASAP.

Not feeling well is a lead-in for me to take tomorrow off because I have another interview, with a different company than the one today.

Clear Lies

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Last night encountered 2 drunken girls attempting to lift a rock. They asked me to help them lift it. My response?

"Sorry, I don't have any arms."

I very clearly have arms.

No Notes

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"I don't need to write that down, I'll remember it surely"

Deception For A Good Cause

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I'm helping my mom's boyfriend plan his proposal to her, so we've both been lying to her pretty steadily which has been enjoyable.

Toxic Masculin-IT-y

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A guy on an online dating sight was trying to show me pictures of his family jewels, I kept saying the links were broken to see how many different places he'd try to upload it, and how much tech support he'd offer to fix whatever the problem might be on my end.

Turns out the answer is four.

But Why Did He Want Them?

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"Sorry sir, we don't have any green bananas." We did have green bananas. We always have green bananas

Poor Pups

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I told my dogs before we left for a morning of errands that we would be back in a few minutes.... I am an awful person.

Want To Be Alone

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I am totally down to hang out this weekend! Reality - I am laying in bed and doing nothing all weekend. I've had a rough two weeks.

I DO Work Here

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"No ma'am, we don't sell [enter product I know for a fact isn't sold at my job]. They only come in [enter alternative product we do sell that she doesn't want]."

"Are you checking??"

"Yes, I'm checking."

Reported

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Have you heard of anyone with a laptop for sale for cheap? I just started school and I really need one actually I was trying to find the street kid who stole my best friends laptop. Managed to get some info and pass it along and today her boyfriend called me to tell me he tracked it down and the jerk was in the back of a cop car for theft. Yay! She got it back!

Surprise

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Yesterday I left my husband a voicemail saying I was stuck in a meeting at work. I was actually getting ready to board a plane to North Carolina where he had a long layover as a surprise visit for our 5th Anniversary. The timing was right with this AskReddit question I guess.

Nobody Told This Lie

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I'm glad I have a free U2 album on my phone now

The Brain Is A Labyrinth

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"What are you thinking about" "I'm trying to figure out the most efficient ways to present the sales model to corporate"

Not true. I spent the last ten minutes wondering how long will it take me to selectively breed bears to a smaller size so I can sell pet-house bears.

Dreaming Or Lying

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I told the girl I have been hooking up with that I had dreamed I was waking up next to her and I was extremely disappointed when I woke up alone. Granted, I was extremely disappointed when I woke up, but I didnt have any dreams last night.

Who Actually Lols?

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I just texted "lol" to a friend. I did not, in fact, laugh out loud. I am a dishonest person.

To Get A Job

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Had an interview this morning-- so many lies.

"Talk about a time when you didn't effectively prioritize your workload. What were the consequences?"

"I always effectively prioritize my workload and have great time management skills."

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