Lies can be harmless....right?!
As Dr. House famously said, everybody lies. Aren't you curious to see what your fellow humans are occupying themselves lying about?
Redditor el___diablo asked:
Behold, the recent lie museum.
Unsure
A friend gave me a bunch of squash from his garden. I hate squash. I brought the bag of squash to work so my co-workers could take them home. I don't know why but this became a big deal and all day long everyone asked me how I grew so much squash. Rather than tell them that the squash came from a friend I lied and told them that I grew the squash. I don't know why I did this.
Lollygagging
I just told my coworker I was in the middle of something very important. I'm not doing sh-t, other than reading this thread.
Cricketing
"Sorry I thought I responded to your text but never pushed send :("
Hoarding
I told my 5 year old we are out of candy.
There is plenty of candy.
And it's mine.
A Plan
Told my boss just now that I'm leaving work early today for a doctors appointment. I don't feel well.
Truth is I have an interview at 3pm. They received my resume sumitted last night and want to talk ASAP.
Not feeling well is a lead-in for me to take tomorrow off because I have another interview, with a different company than the one today.
Clear Lies
Last night encountered 2 drunken girls attempting to lift a rock. They asked me to help them lift it. My response?
"Sorry, I don't have any arms."
I very clearly have arms.
No Notes
"I don't need to write that down, I'll remember it surely"
Deception For A Good Cause
I'm helping my mom's boyfriend plan his proposal to her, so we've both been lying to her pretty steadily which has been enjoyable.
Toxic Masculin-IT-y
A guy on an online dating sight was trying to show me pictures of his family jewels, I kept saying the links were broken to see how many different places he'd try to upload it, and how much tech support he'd offer to fix whatever the problem might be on my end.
Turns out the answer is four.
But Why Did He Want Them?
"Sorry sir, we don't have any green bananas." We did have green bananas. We always have green bananas
Poor Pups
I told my dogs before we left for a morning of errands that we would be back in a few minutes.... I am an awful person.
Want To Be Alone
I am totally down to hang out this weekend! Reality - I am laying in bed and doing nothing all weekend. I've had a rough two weeks.
I DO Work Here
"No ma'am, we don't sell [enter product I know for a fact isn't sold at my job]. They only come in [enter alternative product we do sell that she doesn't want]."
"Are you checking??"
"Yes, I'm checking."
Reported
Have you heard of anyone with a laptop for sale for cheap? I just started school and I really need one actually I was trying to find the street kid who stole my best friends laptop. Managed to get some info and pass it along and today her boyfriend called me to tell me he tracked it down and the jerk was in the back of a cop car for theft. Yay! She got it back!
Surprise
Yesterday I left my husband a voicemail saying I was stuck in a meeting at work. I was actually getting ready to board a plane to North Carolina where he had a long layover as a surprise visit for our 5th Anniversary. The timing was right with this AskReddit question I guess.
Nobody Told This Lie
I'm glad I have a free U2 album on my phone now
The Brain Is A Labyrinth
"What are you thinking about" "I'm trying to figure out the most efficient ways to present the sales model to corporate"
Not true. I spent the last ten minutes wondering how long will it take me to selectively breed bears to a smaller size so I can sell pet-house bears.
Dreaming Or Lying
I told the girl I have been hooking up with that I had dreamed I was waking up next to her and I was extremely disappointed when I woke up alone. Granted, I was extremely disappointed when I woke up, but I didnt have any dreams last night.
Who Actually Lols?
I just texted "lol" to a friend. I did not, in fact, laugh out loud. I am a dishonest person.
To Get A Job
Had an interview this morning-- so many lies.
"Talk about a time when you didn't effectively prioritize your workload. What were the consequences?"
"I always effectively prioritize my workload and have great time management skills."
I try my best to follow the law. And Lord knows how well I'm doing. There are so many obscure laws for ridiculous things, yet, scamming people of their life savings is a free pass. I'm confused... apparently, so are many others...
Save a Life
drag race drugs GIFGiphy"Hiking up prices of life saving medications. (Insulin, epi-pens, etc.)".
The Hands of Time
"Advertisement like "anti-aging" is absolutely preposterous."
"I would love to see a massive class action lawsuit against any skincare that proposes "anti-aging". Watch a judge rule in the plaintiff's favor citing that the products did not actually turn back time."
Credit
"Your credit score goes down because you cancelled a credit card."
"You want to have multiple lines of credit that you're responsible with, preferably for a long period of time, because it proves you're a reliable borrower. If you have no debt, it's almost like you've not established credit at all. Your score goes up the more lines of credit you have. It's bonkers. Someone more financially literate than me could probably explain better, though."
- isocleat
The Devil
Kate Mckinnon Snl GIF by Saturday Night LiveGiphy"Hi, I'm X. We're trying to reach you regarding your car's extended warranty."
- Mtt76812
I'm at the end of my tether with these car warranty calls. I swear to God... nevermind. And advertisements needs to be more regulated. That is a start at better fixing justice.
Extra $$$
Happy Credit Card GIF by HollyoaksGiphy"Convenience fees for online ticket purchases. Why am I getting charged for saving on paper, ink, and everyone's time?"
You're Cancelled
"Companies making it really difficult to cancel things. Especially subscriptions. I think the process to subscribe to something to should be exactly the same as the process to cancel it. I'm looking at you spotify."
"Gyms in general. before they started popping up everywhere I was a member at LA fitness."
"Well I moved 2hrs away from the closest one and they wanted me to come in person to cancel, then they wanted me to send in a damn letter. I can signup online, why can't I cancel online?"
- Rektw
No muss, no fuss.
"Printer ink being ridiculously expensive for no reason."
"Buy a laser printer. Here's my oft-told tale of woe: School got out so my kids no longer had homework to print. A month or so later we needed to print a document. Our Kodak injket printer not only refused to print but said we needed to buy a new ($90) print head because the old one had gummed up, because we'd gone too long without printing."
"I went to the local office supply store and bought a Brother laser printer. It scans, it copies, it uses wifi, and most importantly it just works.About twice a year when we need to print something I go and get it out of my garage and bring it into the house, set it on the kitchen counter, plug it in, and print to it."
"It works great - even remembers my wifi settings (SSID and password) from the previous time. No muss, no fuss. If I really want to print something in color I'll use Kinkos. Turns out I literally never need to print in color."
Child Currency
"Using children to monetize your social media channels."
"It's honestly sad that their parents force them to be the face of their social media accounts, since the children will never have a normal childhood due to their fame."
Bot Thieves
Theatre GIF by StubHubGiphy"Bots buying tickets and up-charging the crap out of the price."
- pgh613
Those ticket thieves need to be taken down. No Broadway show is worth $1000! Don't fall for it kids. That mess needs to be cleaned up. There is actual crime happening to the naked eye. Let's focus there.
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