Now that so many of us are working from home, stressed, and scared - the need to tell someone to f*ck off but in a nice way is greater than ever.
The person you're in isolation with who is a 6AM noise-machine? Yup. Co-worker who has a bad habit of asking "one last question" 13 times in every meeting? Yup. Neighbor running a pressure washer hooked to an insanely loud generator for 8 days straight, 14 hours a day? Oh good lord yup.
So one Reddit user wanted to know:
We are going to put these into effect immediately, because we have some serious "per my previous email" energy going on towards certain people right now (looking at you, neighbor with the pressure washer) and we really need to get it off our chest.
The Ultimate "Apology"Giphy
You can up the ante with "I'm sorry to hear that you feel that way" like you aren't even sorry they feel that way, you're just sorry that you have to hear about it.
"This is what I say when I just really want someone to hate me."
Not My Problem
I must that admit that although I never found the balls or the situation to actually say that to someone I keep "That sounds like a you problem" as a mantra in my mind at times.
I hate "that sounds like a you problem."
Well no crap Sherlock, you're making MY life miserable, not yours.
"I admire you. You don't let your shortcomings get in the way of your confidence."
Honestly, I thought this was a compliment at first. This is a backhand compliment beyond compare.
So backhanded it was a roundhouse kick.
"Per my last email..."
I always read that as "B*tch, can you read?"
You Deserve It
One of my bosses likes to say "I hope you have the day you deserve" to rude or sh*tty people.
I was involved in a near-miss at work because this woman was using her phone while she was driving. She walked into the Control Room and said "One of your security guards nearly hit me, tell him I'm sorry" and then made a big thing of mentioning it every time I saw her.
"Oh, I think you're the guy I pulled out in front of, I had a momentary lapse of concentration..."
So when she was leaving and everyone signed her card, I wrote "I hope your new job is everything you deserve!"
The Christian VersionGiphy
I love the Christian version of this. "I'll pray for you"
God, I think i'd feel more respected if someone dissed my mom for 15 minutes straight then if a "christian" said that sh*t to me.
"Thank you for your input."
Funny story- I was the only woman at an assessment centre out of 10 candidates. There were multiple centres on different days and there were 20 positions available. Roughly 380 candidates at assessment overall.
In our group exercise you could almost feel the testosterone coming from these banker-type guys. For 20 minutes of this 45 minute exercise two of them just would not shut up and let anyone get a word in edgeways... anyway we finally get on to the task and it's the whole 'you all have 1 project, defend your project and why it should be funded' and we all agree mine is the most beneficial for this imaginary community. These two guys start to try and debate it again at which point (don't know what possessed me) I come out with the words "Thank you for your continued input gentlemen. If nobody has any relevant points I suggest we conclude now".
I got the job. Those two twats did not
"With all due respect, you are as they all say you are."
This line is bound to f*ck anyone up.
Oooof, I feel that!! That would ruin somebody!!
Oh, this is cruel. I like it.
If you want to get Biblical, "know thyself."
This one is creative. It's the only one I haven't seen the last few times this was posted. I like it.
"Oh bless your HEART!"
Normally used as "bless her/his heart" when totally not talking sh!t about others but a direct "bless your heart" can be extremely effective too if you nail the sickening sing song sweet tone.
Governor Asa Hutchinson said this to my mom like two years ago. She's still mad about it.
Do you have something to confess to George? Text "Secrets" or "" to +1 (310) 299-9390 to talk to him about it.