Job interviews are such a unique experience.
For a brief interval of time, we have to simultaneously try to impress someone with our qualifications, come off as casually pleasant, demonstrate passion for the role in question, and, somehow, be ourselves throughout that whole charade.
Not surprisingly, job interviews are daunting and tend to make us sweat. There's so much on the line, and it all hinges on how we act and talk in an hour or so.
But what if the motivation was flipped? What if we imagined how to do the very worst we possibly could in that situation.
It's an absurd exercise, but it sure takes the edge off.
regrettablycrushing asked, "You have 15 seconds to ruin a job interview. What do you do/say?"
"I had a candidate tell me 'I have extreme anger problems and I can't help but get loud and hands on when's someone's doesn't get what I'm trying to say'...it was for an engineering internship." -- KeemstarsBlackFriend
"NOT A WHILE LOOP!! A DO WHILE LOOP!!! WE NEED IT TO RUN ONCE BEFORE CHECKING THE CONDITION!!!"
"* shaking the other person aggressively by the shoulders *" -- moistkinkajou
In it for the Short Haul
"Where will I be in 5 years? Hell if I know but in 5 months I better be out of this slop house." -- BroadcasterX
"I thought the right answer was 'celebrating the 5th year anniversary of you asking me this question'" -- biggulpshuhasyl
"Sorry I'm late I got pulled over, but I was under the legal limit so..." -- lil-miss-militia
"just under the legal limit." -- kindsoberfullydressed
"Keyword being 'was' amirite guys?" -- Poly--Meh
"Excuse me ma'am, can I talk to a man here? Like someone who would be capable enough to interview me? I can't listen and answer to a woman." -- ilikesarcasticpeople
"I wish this was a joke but I once interviewed a guy who asked me who his boss would be."
"When I explained it would be me, the person interviewing him, he laughed and said congratulations for 'getting so far' but that he could not be expected to just do what I asked him to, and also any woman being in charge of a man was 'disrespectful.'"
"He did not get the job." -- TheWaystone
Keep Belching to a Minimum
"Did this already! Was nervous and chugged the last of my coke before going inside. Went to shake the guys hand and say Hello but a very loud long burp came out instead."
"I just dropped his hand and left."
Tough to Schedule
"Do you have masturbation breaks?" -- katep2000
Gauging the Strictness
"Does your employee theft policy offer second chances or would you fire me right away?" -- SlapCracklePop
"Can I steal loo roll? Like, just 1 when it's nearly payday? Or enough that my extended family never need panic buy again?" -- JJY93
Way Ahead of Ya
"Bring a bottle of apple juice and proceed to tell the interviewer that you brought your own drug test sample whilst accidentally spilling it all over the table and their laps...." -- MatteBlack84
"Nah, if you're serious about it you'll use apple cider vinegar. They will never get that smell out." -- whiskeyweedwood
"I'm never on time for work as I sleep a lot but at least I'm not tired when I arrive" -- WhiskersCleveland
"In the 5 years I have been at my job I have slept through 3 alarms. As it turns out my natural wake up time is 10am.....2 hours after I start work." -- Ziogref
Pro Tip: Stay on Topic!
"Interview going well."
"Female Interviewer : Do you have any questions ?"
"Me : About you or the company ?"
"Female Interviewer : .............."
"Haunts my memory to this day"
Mid Shift Only
"I had a guy applying while completely stoned."
"He was like « don't worry, I only smoke in the evening. Well sometimes before breakfast too »"
All About Eye Contact
"I will noticeably slide my hands down my pants. Then, while maintaining eye contact, take a deep and drawn out sniff of my finger."
"I proceed with the interview as if nothing has happened."
That Was One Tough Year, Whichever It Was
"'Wait, what year is this?' I actually said that in an interview."
"I had been traveling a lot and got some years and dates mixes up. The interviewer questioned me on how long I had been working in Germany, and I mixed it up. And I actually said that."
"Needless to say I did not get the job."
Suppose Lyme Disease Would Be Worse...
"Here's what I saw someone do to tank their interview in 15 seconds. She stopped mid answer to a question, ripped her pantyhose open, dug out a tick, and then asked for a Band-Aid."
"No, she did not get a call back."
So Much Work to Do
"I'm black with a boring generic name. I've seen the light go out in many hiring managers' eyes the second they see me. Only takes about 10 seconds."
A Contemporary Offense
"I interviewed someone who rolled her eyes at me when I asked her to put a mask on before we got started."
"Spoiler: she did not get hired."
In and Out
"We have a guy come in and say 'so I actually exaggerated on my cv just to get my foot in the door, I've never actually done any of those things'...."
"ok, bye then."
"As an interviewer let me say my favorite one."
"Me: What's your greatest strength? Candidate: uhhh well I guess free lifts.. I can do like 80 now..."
"I had to excuse myself and leave the room. Mind you this was some 16 year old interviewing for a grocery store but to this day I still think I should have hired him."
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A lot of people I know really hate small talk. I get it. It can feel daunting. You just met someone. What do you talk about? What can you say that won't leave you feeling like such a dolt? The key, of course, is to simply put the ball in their court. Get this new person to start talking with an excellent icebreaker and conversation should start flowing in no time.
People offered their best advice after Redditor Cavalierkrav asked the online community,
"What's your favorite question to ask someone to get to know them better?"
"Even as a complete non-sequitur..."
"I like to ask what people's favorite food is. Even as a complete non sequitur it's a good conversation starter. Everyone has a favorite food, it's innocent but very personal and there's usually a story or insight into their background/culture behind it."
"I went to a music outing..."
"I went to a music outing with this girl I recently started seeing and her friend was ditched so we said that he could join us. When trying to get to know each other better, he asked me "what my favorite breakfast food was." We had a solid fifteen-minute conversation about french toast and different toppings and how an egg should be prepared depending on how you had spent your previous evening. Great ice breaker."
A poached egg is a personal favorite of mine. It's rather funny how many people don't particularly care for them––they're incredible and instantly brighten my day.
"Everyone always has a different answer..."
"I like to ask "what is your favorite version of the potato?" Everyone always has a different answer and is pretty opinionated about it."
The correct answer is baked, okay? Baked. Few things bring me as much joy as a baked potato.
"If I gave you the money..."
"If I gave you the money to set up a theme restaurant or bar, what would be the theme? What would you call the establishment? What would be the signature cocktail?"
This is a good one! Let people's imaginations run wild.
Now if only I enjoyed theme parks.
"Have you read any good books recently?
Oddly, this makes people really excited about a book they are reading or sad that they haven't read one lately."
Okay, this is definitely a question I can get behind. I read all the time. If I hit my stride with someone, we'll be there for hours.
"I asked my students..."
"I asked my students today what is their biggest fear. They each wrote their answer on a post-it note anonymously and didn't see other answers until they were all on the board. It was hilarious how many of them answered "my mom.""
Nothing strikes fear into the hearts of children as much as a stern look from their mother.
"If you could only eat..."
"If you could only eat one type of cheese for the rest of your life, which type of cheese would it be?"
Don't ask me this. Ever. How do you ever expect me to narrow this down?!
"Pets are a good one."
"Pets are a good one. If they don't have any pets, ask them what pet they would want, or any childhood/old pets. It's personal, but not too personal. Also, people love talking about their pets."
"I like to ask people..."
"I like to ask people if they have any really good ghost stories. Depending on their religion or culture or upbringing, I've heard some pretty awesome experiences.
Particularly from NYC cab drivers."
"It often leads..."
"What is one thing you wish people knew about you? It often leads to sincere responses or something they are passionate about."
If you're having some trouble opening up (or getting people to open up to you) then this list is bound to be of some use. Try it out––and report back. Meeting new people can be an anxious affair, but it doesn't have to be.
Have some tips of your own? Feel free to tell us all about them in the comments below!
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We are all good at something however, some talents are a bit more obscure than others, or perhaps your talent isn't something that easily comes up in conversation. I have almost oddly successful thrifting and sale trips. My designer dress? Got it for a small fraction of the price. I've literally had multiple people ask if I could take them shopping to help them find stuff like I do.
It's fun and who wants t spend $500 on a dress when you can find it for $80, it's like a game. It's a weird skill but handy nonetheless. Whatever the case may be for you we want to hear what hidden skills you've got.
Redditor Sacrificial-Toenail asked the Reddit community:
“What's something you're good at but don't get to brag about much?"
The responses went from school band to some interesting natural talents.
Deserved a raise...
“Worked fedex ground for a few months a couple years ago. Was the youngest, and they had me loading 3 trucks (one of them was a semi literally fully loaded every single day). Sometimes I would have a 2nd guy helping me on that truck only. Sometimes.”
“Consistently #1 every week, and never had a mistake on any of my trucks, to the point that my drivers would tip me or buy me breakfast almost everyday. They kept me at 11.75 3am-9am the entire time and never once talked about any kind of raise. Had me in the best shape of my life, but f**k fedex lol.” xXregularShmegluarXx
No one wants to sound pretentious...
“I have a very well-developed musical ear. I can point out just about any detail you can ask about if I hear it, and I can replicate most songs I hear on the piano. Can't really brag about it since I feel like it just comes out sounding pretentious.” mysterioso7
They left her a raving review...
“Cleaning. I'm so good, I started my own home cleaning business (I'm a one man show) and in almost five years, have never needed to advertise. All of my clients have come to me by word of mouth.”
“I'm currently off due to a hand injury that is looking like it'll need surgery to fix and today, actually, one of my clients texted me to let me know she hired a different cleaning company temporarily while I'm out.” BustAMove_13
“"I can play the Tuba and Euphonium...”
“I can play the Tuba and Euphonium, and pretty well at that. I don't really get to play much since graduating from HS, but it's still a relatively rare ability, especially in this country where school bands are not as common as they seem to be in the USA.” NyanNyanNo
Moms everywhere would hire you.
“I'm really really good at soothing babies. Getting them to calm down. Most of my friends don't have kids. But my wife remarks on it any time I get the chance. Bit of a baby whisperer.” WhiteTshirtDad
All around the world...Bill Nye Spinning GIF by NikeGiphy
“I've vomited (from sickness) in 5 out of the 7 continents. It's my proudest achievement. Im not sure if that makes my life uneventful or my accomplishment is amazing... Probably the former.” Cute-Explorer-1653
wobbly-wobbly timely-wimey stuff...
“I never have a watch on me and don't really look at my phone much… but I can always tell the exact time of day within about five minutes every single time.”
“In all my years of people asking what time it is not even my close friends have noticed that I can do it without looking at a phone/clock/watch, I just know it in my head. Other than that i'm helplessly stupid.” Qav
Faking they can see...
“I am blind, and I've gotten really good at faking like I can see. My eyes don't look blind, and I can make eye contact and have great spacial orientation. Can't brag about it, because a lot of people think I'm faking. I am able to access read it on my phone by using voiceover, a built-in screen reading software on every iPhone.”
“You can find it by going to your settings > accessibility > voiceover. You can also tell Siri to turn on voiceover. Turn it off by doing the same thing. Also, I know I am making eye contact with people because I am always asked if I'm really blind because I don't look blind.” Dapper-Angle8778
A little extra flexible.
“Im an over 400 pound man that can do a split.” MarquisDeSarc
“...to my surprise the muscle memory is pretty much still there.”
“In high-school I did Colorgaurd and Wintergaurd, which is essentially dance mixed with equipment work. It's quite a bit of fun and, though I'm no dancer, I was always pretty good with the flag and rifle in particular. I recently acquired a rifle again, and to my surprise the muscle memory is pretty much still there. I'm no professional, but I can still do some pretty impressive tosses.” Skyaboo-
Indulge in the skills and hbbiesthat make you happy and often you will find that you are good at them
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Have you ever worked a job that was super toxic? Like the type where you hated going into work, and the threat of being fired at any second was always looming over your head? I have, and it sucks. I worked for a florist, and I got fired for throwing up at work after a bad reaction from medication. That sucked.
Clearly, I'm not the only one this has happened to. Bad jobs are a universal struggle, and getting fired for dumb reasons happens all the time. Lois_is_whatever asked:
People who got fired for the stupidest reason, what happened?
Retail jobs can be very fickle. That’s why these former employees left on unsteady terms.
This is so shady.
“Worked at Best Buy in the mid 90s when I was 16. I worked selling computers, and was pretty good at it. We also sold things like memory, and hard drives that were behind lock and key. Part of our job was to take the tagged inventory from the trucks, and put it on the shelves. This included said memory.
So I close one night, put away all the new inventory, lock it up, and hand the keys to the manager. They do their checks of our department and we leave for the night. Next day I'm scheduled, I go in and the loss prevention manager said he has me on video stealing memory. I laughed and said, show me the video. Well I'm somewhat tall, red hair, and white. The video he shows me has an older, very short, white guy with a shaved head. He told me that it was me, and that I was fired, and only showed me the video once, and immediately turned off the monitor.
Being 16, I didn't know any better, said some things on my way out, like f*ck you, f*ck this place, and the like, and I left. Turns out the loss prevention guy, and his son were stealing for years to the tune over $250,000 and the guy on the video he showed me was his son. Anytime problems popped up of missing inventory, they just fired a random person to keep the attention away from themselves. When police arrested them, their house was loaded with televisions, computers, everything from the store.
TL;DR fired for stealing when the video was of the loss prevention manager's son stealing."
When employers can’t take responsibility for their own mistakes.schitts creek comedy GIF by CBCGiphy
"This would have been one of my first jobs that I didn't even get a chance to start.
I applied to be a deckhand on a local ferry. Went through unpaid training as part of the interview process. First aid, CPR, crisis management, safety policy whatnots. All group interviews. Anyway, I got the job after about a week. I also got my offer in writing with the expected start date. That was going to be a Tuesday two weeks later (and I remember this detail because it went to sh!t.) I accept and sign and take my copy.
I was thrilled. I was going to be on the water and making money for the summer. My friends were hanging out down by the water when I left the interview so I went and told them all about it and the start date, etc. Again, cementing that start date in my mind so I was ready.
The following week, a week before I was supposed to start, I got a call from the office asking where I was. "We expected you to be here an hour ago", and so on.
I asked them to check the offer that I had signed because I was never told that my start date had changed. I mean, I was available and explained that I'd be happy to come down right away but I hadn't known of any changes. They checked, agreed that they had made the mistake, and then told me that, nevertheless, a miscommunication this early on was a bad sign and they would not be hiring me.
So I was 'let go' because someone put down the wrong date."
That’s definitely not what they said.
“During my senior year in high school, I was working at McDonald's, it was right after Christmas and we were really busy. I'd been there 4 hours, had 2 to go, was supposed to get a 30 minute break, since we'd slowed down I asked if I could have a break. The shift manager said no one was getting breaks. I said "thanks a lot', she told the assistant manager (pretty sure they were sleeping together) that I told her to f*ck off. He fired me on the spot. Wouldn't even let me give my side of the story.
A week later I was working at Jack in the Box. Was a shift manager in 6 months, did that through a couple years of college, dropped out (never wanted to go anyway) and moved up to assistant manager and then a couple years later, general manager. I remembered how I was treated at McDonald's and made sure I treated my employees well. Had the 3rd lowest turnover rate in a 95 restaurant region, had the second highest average hourly pay...and #2 in profit improvement. Take care of your people and they'll do the same for you."
It’s almost as if some jobs want 100% loyalty, despite the fact that their employees have a life of their own.
“Job before family”? Really?
“I was driving cars for a shady dealer. (Under the table while I was laid off from my real job) Got a call that my uncle had attempted suicide and was in a psychiatric ward in a local hospital and wouldn't talk to anybody else but me.
Told boss I had to roll. He said something like; "Your job comes before family. If you leave, don't come back."
I left. The next morning he called and asked me why I wasn't at work. I hung up on him.”
School comes first.Season 2 Wtf GIF by Parks and RecreationGiphy
“I took a job with a movie theater in high school, only accepted the job because they promised me a set schedule. Me and another coworker worked it out where one of us was always on shift. About a month after I started, they handed me a new schedule starting at 2pm. I was in class until 3. Told them no. Got fired for my lack of commitment to the theater.”
God forbid they drink water.
“My wife got fired once for giving a high level donor (she worked for an art gallery) a bottle of water at a big dinner and art auction. Her boss had insisted that there be no water at the event, but when the donor asked for water, my wife went and found some d*mn water. Boss found out and fired her the next day for insubordination.”
It’s important to remember that if you get fired for a dumb reason, you probably wouldn’t want to work there anyway.
Thanks a lot, mom.
“My first job ever was as a dish washer. I was so proud. I was 18. Of course, my parents didn’t believe me so my mom called them and asked them if it was true.
They fired me that night because they felt I was unreliable. I have yet to let my folks live that one down...”
Weird rule but ok.Reese Witherspoon Mom GIF by HULUGiphy
“Got fired from a public library for taking TWO carts to collect books from the outside Dropbox instead of ONE. The past few times I emptied the dropbox on a Monday it required two trips, So I brought two carts instead.
It turns out the matter of how many carts were used in emptying the dropbox was a matter of a library board vote and I was in violation of a town ordinance.
Mind you, I wasn't fired. I was placed on paid administrative leave pending a library board inquiry at which I was welcome to call witnesses. I couldn't keep a straight face, so I resigned.”
What happens on break, stays on break.
“I was fired for playing solitaire on my 15 min break when I was working as a receptionist. The doctor who owned the clinic was dumb enough to put that as the reason in my termination letter. I collected unemployment after he tried to appeal it. They explained in great detail how stupid of a reason this was for termination.”
Let the man retire.
“Guy preparing to retire, who had been training me to take over his job for the past 7 months, felt I was ready to take over completely.
Boss was afraid to lose 30+ years of experience and fired me to keep the old guy for a little longer.
From what I understand there was a pretty big fight. Old guy was a wonderful reference for me with the new job I obtained, with a 20k+ pay raise, and begrudgingly agreed to stay on for another year.”
Like I said, jobs that pull this kind of stuff are not jobs you want to work for. Good jobs are out there- you just gotta find them.
And to the bosses listed in this article- maybe stop being so shady? Just a suggestion.
According to one misguided interpretation of The Clown Prince of Crime: "We live in a society."
What's something that people glamourize but it's actually just extremely toxic?
Just when you think you're doing something with a positive impact on someone's life, turns out you've gone and made the wrong decision.
Be Selective With Whom You Tell This To
"Be yourself", "You're perfect just the way you are", and "Never let anyone change you" are double edged swords that enable horrible people to justify continuing to be horrible or continue destructive behaviors that harm themselves or the people around them."
"Sometimes people need to change."
"It's also a cheap way out of growing yourself."
"I like 'be the person you want to be' much more than 'be yourself'. It recognizes that yeah, we each have our own shortcomings, and we shouldn't just accept every single bad trait, but at the same time, we can also accept ourselves knowing that were taking steps towards improvement."
"Especially when it comes to dating, you often get the advice that 'hey, just be yourself and talk to her/him'. That isn't really helpful if someone's 'self' is an awkward, nervous wreck. I think that telling someone to just accept who they are and their feelings in the moment is far better advice, because it recognizes the problem, and the fact that it's natural to be a bit on edge in that situation."
"Creates the sort of people sharing memes like "if you can't handle me at my doodliest, you don't deserve me at my diddliest"
Treat Them Like Who They Are: People
"Treating disabled people as if they were there just to inspire non-disabled people. Just let them be, it's not their job to inspire you"
"As a disabled person, I've lost count of the amount of times I've been called "inspirational" purely for still existing. Like, I'm just alive, I've done nothing spectacular."
Developing a misguided work ethic can come without much self-input. If you're working on a team, surrounded by people chasing that "hustle," then odds are you're going to be staying late, working overtime, and ignoring the people you have waiting for you at home.
Completely Devoted To A "Company"
"Working long hours"
"I worked for a manager once who, while bragging about his dedication to the company, proudly declared that he hadn't spent Thanksgiving with his family in 11 years. Sorry, dude. That's not something to be proud of."
"Adding to that, misplaced loyalty to a company."
"I had a part time job at Tesco's once as a student (supermarket chain in the UK). This particular branch was a Tesco Express, which is very small like a corner shop or bodega."
"The manager was a horrible woman in her 50s called Andrea who would try and boast how she had been working at Tesco since she was 16, she seriously saw herself as a huge success because she'd gone from a shelf stacker to manager over a period of 30 years."
"I would have felt a little sorry for her if she wasn't such a total B*TCH all the bloody time."
Killing Yourself For The "Hustle"
"Working overtime on a daily basis."
"I see this a lot with new hires, who think that working themselves to death will impress the company and help them advance."
"Too many good people have burned out on lack of sleep, rest, and too many energy drinks, just to try to impress an uncaring boss."
"Sadly, so many of them don't listen."
Get Those Late Hours, Bro
"Being sleep deprived"
"Just had a conversation today with a colleague about how the worst thing you can do to yourself is deprive your body a good night rest. He looked at me like a grew a 2nd head when I informed him I prioritize at least 8-9 hours of sleep daily."
This has already proved to be a big issue with the inexperienced-in-love group. When you don't have proper guidance, or gentle experiences, most your knowledge about being a relationship can come from movies.
Which isn't great.
Screams Loud And Clear
"People that describe their relationship as "when it's bad it's bad, but when it's good it's like nothing you've ever known" (or some variation of this). Like nahhh, that screams abusive to me."
"That's called a trauma bond"
Don't Burn The Ones You Love For 'Likes'
"Tiktok trends that challenge or test trust in relationships. It's not funny or cool to mess with someone's feelings and trust just for more views."
"If a girl locked me outside the car and started threatening to go through my phone(a trend right now), I would pretend to be okay with it, let her do the snooping to clear her pretenses, then immediately break up with her. If my affirmation is not enough for you, either our trust or your insecurities are not ready for a relationship."
I Love You Debt MUCH
"Huge weddings you can't afford"
"I honestly hate that too! Bride and groom are left broke, and both the families are showing off photos of the reception"
"I only have one thing I tell people when they get engaged : Don't get a loan."
"Everytime they've laughed in my face but then, six months down the line I can see they're deep in the fog and think three grand on an expense for one day "isn't such a bad deal! It has to be perfect!"
"Don't start your marriage in debt for the wedding."
All Together: "No Means No."
"Pursuing a romantic interest after they've turned you down"
"THIS. I was on a discord server during quarantine where amongst many other great people I got to know this guy who took an interest in me, I didn't take an interest in him though so I turned him down. At that time I didn't know yet that before we started talking he started being really interested in another girl who turned him down as well."
"After I turned him down dude started getting obsessed over her again, tried "wooing" her all the time even though she explicitly told him she doesn't want to have any contact with him several times and blocked him on every form of social media. The cherry on top was when several months later he randomly sent flowers to her house on another continent WITHOUT HER EVEN KNOWING HE HAS HER ADDRESS. She told us and someone gave him so much sh-t for that and he just wouldn't see how wrong and creepy that was."
"That was just a fraction of the sh-t he did btw but let's just say I'm pretty glad I didn't start a relationship with him. Real life is not a movie people. When someone tells you to leave them alone leave them the frick alone."
Be aware of what you're doing. Think through your actions. Be considerate of how what you do impacts others.
You know, kindness.