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People Break Down The Absolute Best Advice They've Ever Received

It's so easy for us to get caught up in the negative things in our day-to-day lives, whether it's a bad day at work or an ended relationship, but it's important to remember what else we have going for it.

Sometimes the best thing to do is to listen to the people we look up to, and let their words help us move through the tough time.


Redditor Miller1xo asked:

"What's the best advice you've ever received?"

It's Not That Important

"No one cares."

"That's actually the advice."

"The vast majority of people are more concerned about going about their own days and doing their own things."

"I kept being too socially conscious of myself around others, believing that every move I was making was being monitored and judged all the time."

"But the reality was that, just like me, everyone around me was just focused on themselves and what they were doing and not at all on others."

"And if anyone did anything out of the ordinary or 'embarrassing,' we all forgot about it the next day."

"So once I realized this, my social anxiety essentially disappeared after a month and I was far more comfortable in my own skin."

- fortifier22

The Bad Comes with the Good

"Life sucks, get a helmet."

"And life is like a s**t sandwich, every now and again you gotta take a bite. But the more bread you have, the less s**t you taste."

- vNerdNeck

The Great Aunt Has Spoken

"Three rules from a great aunt:"

"Go to the restroom while you have a chance."

"If there's a seat available, sit down."

"If someone offers you a breath mint, take it."

- realitygroupie

Just Ask

"If you ask, they might say yes. They might also say no, but if you don't ask, it's always a no. So ask."

- frid

Nothing Can Change if Nothing Ever Changes

"Not making a decision IS making a decision."

"As someone who struggles with indecisiveness, this has been an important one. It's easy to get wrapped up in analyzing options, especially what could go wrong. Sometimes the decision paralysis is worse than the consequences of a suboptimal choice."

- FatherJohnFahey

Take Care of Your Body

"Look after your back. You will be sorry in later years if you don't, and it's much easier to look after it now than try to fix it later."

- LucyVialli

Progress, Not Perfection

"Doing something imperfectly is better than not doing it at all."

- T3canolis

Perfection is an Obstacle

"There's a common phrase, 'Don't let perfect be the enemy of good.'"

"I like to adapt it: 'Don't let perfect be the enemy of done.'"

- angry_guacamole

Let It Go

"The best advice I ever saw was from Bo Burnham on a talk show. Conan O'Brien asked the standard question: 'What advice would you have for other young people who want to pursue their dreams like you?'"

"He responded: 'Well, my advice for you would be to take a deep breath...and give up. I got to where I am today purely because of luck. All these celebs today like Taylor Swift telling you to 'be yourself and follow your dreams,' it's like saying 'liquidize your assets, buy Powerball tickets! get rich! it works!' It doesn't work.'"

"'...Ten years ago I was just a dumb, skinny white kid who didn't know what he was doing. Now the only thing that's changed is I'm famous.'"

"Just do whatever you want, and if you get lucky and hit it rich then that's great. But it probably won't happen."

- VisconitiKing

Put Yourself Out There

"Hard work alone won't do sh*t for you. Chance encounters, a seemingly small conversation, and Cosmic timing have a much bigger impact on your success than hard work alone."

"In my case, there was a random LinkedIn message from a recruiter and a gut feeling I should respond to it. That led me to have a successful job that values work-life balance and pays way more than my previous company."

"Networking is an example of this. If you happened to know a guy who knows a guy, you can land pretty sweet jobs over someone who quietly works overtime all day every day."

"The family you are born into can also play into it. Apologies to Taylor swift fans, but there isn't anything special about her. If she was an average person, she would not have had the same level of success. Her family's connection to the record industry played a huge part in her initial success."

- ansteve1

Dump Her Back

"My first love left me for another guy. I was visibly depressed, and my Granddad asked, 'What's wrong with you?' I told him. He responded, 'Dump her back.'"

"I was bewildered. What the f**k does that mean?"

"Then, a few months later, my ex-girlfriend got dumped by the new guy and pleaded with me to take her back. It got to the point of her stalking me."

"I stood firm and dumped her back."

- frederick_ungman

Perspective is Everything

"While driving one day, I was p**sed that someone cut me off when I had the right of way."

"My Great Grandfather told me, 'There's a lot of dead people who had the right of way, too.'"

"I never forgot that advice. It may not be the best advice ever but it always stuck with me."

- SeriousBlak

Practice Gratitude

"A hundred dollars isn’t a lot to have, but it’s a lot to need."

- bang0_slank

Parenting Hacks

"If you have little kids, triple sheet their beds, alternating with full-size waterproof pads. So: pad, sheet, pad, sheet, pad, sheet."

"In the middle of the night when you have work in the morning and they wet the bed or throw up or get a nosebleed, pull up one layer, toss it into the laundry, and put the kid right back to sleep."

"Also, if anyone in your house isn't feeling well, give your kid a bucket or something next to their bed in case they wake up feeling sick. No one likes to clean up a trail of vomit from the kid's room to the parent's room or bathroom in the middle of the night."

- goddess_eris

Surround Yourself with People Who Support You

"When no one's got your back... move your f**king back."

- IJacboy

Each of these concepts are great ways to get more out of life, but the big ticket item here is perspective.

So often, we exaggerate things, whether how embarrassing a mistake was or how hard it will be to complete that task or how bad we think we have it, but if we compare that to someone else's circumstances, or how small this moment is in the grand scheme of things, it suddenly becomes easier to be more grateful and take more from life.

People Who Work Out At Sea Describe The Creepiest Things They've Ever Witnessed

Reddit user tylo144 asked: 'For those who have careers that keep them out at sea for long periods of time, what is the creepiest thing you’ve seen out in the water?'

Female mariner
Mark König/Unsplash

Those who work in different fields all have their respective anecdotes that are sure to keep listeners engaged.

But certain jobs that keep employees away from land are sure to have the most intriguing stories to share.

Seafarers shared their unique experiences bordering on hair-raising phenomena when Redditor tylo144 asked:

"For those who have careers that keep them out at sea for long periods of time, what is the creepiest thing you’ve seen out in the water?"

Mariners shared their wildest stories from their time out at sea.

Fierce Gale

"Not so much what I saw but what I experienced. I was once underway in the Gulf of Alaska during a November gale. Waves were up to 35 feet with some rollers hitting 45. An uncommon occurrence on the diesel electric ship I was on was a cyclo-converter tripping. When this happened the ship would temporarily completely lose power and propulsion until some electricians could reset everything. This happened during that gale. I simply can’t explain how strange it is for the boat you’re on to all of a sudden go so quiet, that you can clearly hear waves slapping the ship and metal bending and flexing. Knowing you’re completely at the mercy of the sea. Knowing that if the ship lost its bearing and went beam to there was a real possibility of capsizing. It’s easy to forget when you’re at sea that the only thing keeping you alive is a bunch of steel welded together. At that moment I was fully aware and it humbled me. Thankfully we trained frequently for this and had everything fired back up relatively quickly."

"Another time I recall was when the ship took a rogue wave. They are absolutely real and I believe they account for a massive number of shipwrecks. It was late at night and I was on the bridge. We were passing through a storm and we’re taking the waves off the bow with no visibility. As the ship moves there’s normally a pretty standard pattern. You ride up a wave for a bit and then you fall down the wave for a bit. Well we started riding up a wave and got to the point where we should have been starting or ride down…but we just kept climbing and climbing. And then it happened. We started our ride down the back of this massive wave. All of us braced ourselves and tried to find something to hold on to but we all fell to the deck any way. Anything that wasn’t secured for sea fell down all around us. Manuals, tables, computers, printers, you name it. Our captain who was sleeping called up to the bridge asking if we hit something. It woke the entire crew up. Rogue waves are real, and they’re terrifying. I can’t imagine being in a smaller boat or taking one of them broadside."

– red_pimp69

Series Of Bizarre Events

"I was in the US Navy for about 10 years, and have 10s of thousands of miles at sea in an aircraft carrier. Countless nights on the flight deck in the middle of the night and middle of the ocean..."

"Creepiest: A HUGE patch of the ocean glowing. Like nuclear waste in the Simpsons glowing. I've seen bioluminescent algae of a few kinds and this was nothing like it. I've never seen anything like it before or since."

"Weirdest thing: hundreds of mile out to sea from land and there was a MASSIVE fire on the water. It was like the top of a gas refinery, but on the water with nothing under it but water. Flame going a few stories into the air."

"Funniest: 2 flying fish collide mid-air. I was smoking when we were in the Persian Gulf and saw the fish fly from a pretty far distance towards each other. I remember thinking 'there's no f'kin way they're going to hit' them SPLAT SPLASH! I was in tears laughing but no one saw it. Everyone just thought I was a weirdo, but I got to see a miracle of nature lol"

– BBQQA

Lone Yacht

"Some 20 years ago..."

"On the MV Explorer (since sunk) down near the Antarctic circle, sailing around the 'bergs and occasionally making landfall..."

"We rounded into a small bay area, and there, amongst the ice and coast was an unmarked sailing yacht. Which is odd as generally yachts have some identifying markings on them."

"To add to it, they didn't respond to any radio contact, and whilst I wasn't privy to the conversation (and it was a long time ago), some crew went across via Zodiac and were refused boarding."

"So basically a yacht, not a particularly large one, that was unmarked was hanging around in the inhospitable waters of the Antarctic and didn't want any help or contact."

"Proper weird."

– ThanklessTask

These Redditors have fearlessly plunged into darkness.

Dark Dive

"I used to be an oilfield diver in the Gulf of Mexico. I'd say about 80% of the dives I logged were at night. Mostly 500 ft and under DSV's."

"It's very eerie feeling sitting on the downline doing in water decompression in the middle of night. I'd always ask topside to turn off my headlight."

"Like a worm on a hook. Just bobbing in the darkness."

– Comrade_Fuzzybottoms

A Dark Calm

"Not even nearly as extreme as your story but it evoked a memory, I did a scuba diving open water course and then did the advanced course which included a night dive in a freshwater lake."

"I was only 5m underwater, pitch black darkness with two other guys, we were on a platform and we could either face the dam wall or the open water, and I turned to the open water while the other guys were behind me, I turned off my light (we did have little lights on our backs)"

"Just the deepest, calmest dark I’ve ever felt and seen. Not a single source of light anywhere, just immense darkness. Still remember that feeling and it was like 15 years ago"

– circleinsidecircle

Things get more interesting.

Water Glow

"The bioluminescent animals (or whatever they are) in the water is pretty amazing. Our toilet would fill up with seawater and if you took a piss in it in the middle of the night it would agitate the water and it would glow sometimes."

– Tub-a-guts

"Ominous Red Snow Angel"

"Always love the bio-luminescence flickering around the hull at night. They're almost like a cushion of little stars guiding you safely along. On those really dark, moonless nights, I'd almost beg for them to arrive."

"I sailed 70ft yacht around the world a few years back. Southern Ocean, Cape Horn, Good Hope, Roaring Forties, Furious Fifties, two equatorial crossings; the full deal. Plenty of terrifying moments, boring moments, funny moments and beautiful moments."

"A creepy moment that is burned into my memory involved a near catastrophe halfway between NZ and Cape Horn. We ended up hitting really bad weather and absolutely huge seas - 50ft swells with massive troughs in between. We were running with the swells for days as they grew, skidding down them like a bloated surfboard, always worrying that the next wave would break behind us and roll us over."

"At night it's pitch black down there in bad weather - the sky and sea just form a huge black mass. The most terrifying thing is the sound of an invisible wave breaking behind you. At night, you run red light to preserve night vision, so there's basically just an eerie red glow emanating from below deck."

"At about two in the morning, I was at the helm when a monster wave broke directly over the back of us without a seconds warning. Time slowed down like it does in those moments, and the last thing I saw was my own silhouette in the wall of water, lit up like an ominous red snow angel - and then nothing but cold blackness as the boat sunk into the sea."

"Fortunately, she popped straight back up like a cork after a few eternal seconds - almost like a submarine surfacing - and we were still in one piece. Still cant forget that glowing red apparition of myself though. The memory of it has woken me up in a cold sweat more than once."

– Le_Rat_Mort

Coming Up For Air

"Somewhere in the Atlantic, nice cold as f**k night, decided to step out and look at stars. About ten minutes on and a boats mast pops up, sits there a few minutes and then back under. No alarms, nothing. Just some sub boys getting a bit of late night o2 in the middle of nowhere next to some friends."

– MyMomsSecondSon

When I worked on cruise ships, I was always captivated by the green flash on the horizon.

The optical phenomenon occurs just as the sun goes down or before sunrise, with the tip of the sun barely visible.

It emits a flash of green light that I found absolutely thrilling to witness every time.

It's not necessarily creepy, but still a wonder for sure.

No matter how long ago we saw it, there are some scenes or images from movies that still send shivers down our spine or keep us awake at night to this very day.

Pennywise appearing in the sewer in It, Janet Leigh surprised in the shower in Psycho, Freddy Kreuger's tongue popping out of the telephone in A Nightmare on Elm Street.

Of course, some of the scariest, most disturbing, or most emotionally traumatizing scenes from films might have been featured in films outside of the horror genre.

Even more shockingly, some of these films were primarily marketed towards children!

Redditor alina_love was curious to hear which non-horror films the Reddit community saw as children still send shivers down their spines today, leading them to ask:

"What's a non horror movie that traumatized you as a kid?"

It Was Tim Burton, After All...

"'Pee Wee's big adventure'."

"Large Marge scared the crap out of little me."

"I was even scared of the fortune teller."- BlueStarrSilver·

With A Title Like "Temple Of Doom"...

"'Indiana Jones and the Temple of Doom'."

"The scene where the guy gets his heart ripped out traumatized me for years."- Pbhf

That Funeral Scene Though...

"'My Girl'."

"Fear of death, fear of losing a friend, fear of bees, fear of puberty."- heidismiles

macaulay culkin kiss GIFGiphy

Jurassic Park's Got Nothing On This...

"'The Land Before Time'."

"Watching Little Foot’s mother die was awful."- HourglassSass

He'll Always Regret Not Bringing Her To The Museum...

"'Bridge to Terabithia'."- jumpstart-the-end

"Everything goes so well and it falls apart SO FAST and your left absolutely traumatized."- VortexDestroyer99

The Reason People Hold On To Their Appliances For As Long As They Do...

"The Brave Little Toaster'."- Catgurl

"The junkyard scene alone was responsible for so many nightmares."- ManChildMusician

brave little toaster animation GIF by Coolidge Corner TheatreGiphy

And Let's Not Forget The Coachman's Smile...

"Disney’s version of 'Pinocchio'."

"The scene where kids are turned into donkeys and kept on the island and then resold was f*cking weird."

"You felt bad for that bully kid after he looked sad and nobody understood what he said because he was a donkey."- earnestlikehemingway

Few Things More Sad And Scary Than Deforestation

"'Ferngully: The Last Rainforest'."

"That evil tree scared me so bad."- slutsdotnet

Anything But "Truly Scrumptious"...

"The 'Chitty Chitty Bang Bang' Childcatcher guy!"

"I'm still scared of him!"- Jet_Maypen

child GIFGiphy

Offing Children One By One...In A Children's Movie!

"'Willy Wonka and the Chocolate Factory' boat scene."

"Honorable mention of claustrophobia when Augustus gets stuck in the chocolate tube."

"UGH!"- looseseal-bluth

At Least We Know He Had A "Sole"...

"Who Framed Roger Rabbit."

"That poor shoe….."- dalalice5555

At Least The Song Is Catchy...

"Neverending Story."

"Not even Artax, which was awful, but the Rockbiter and his good strong hands."- marxychick1

Neverending Story 80S GIFGiphy

Dorothy Gettying Electro Shock Therapy Says it All...

"Return to Oz."- Jeff_Steelflexx

"Horrifying! What about the animated wig heads?"- weensfordayz

The Reigning King Of Childhood Trauma

"Old Yeller."- IceTech59

"I remember watching this on TV during, I think, Wonderful World of Disney (Sunday nights were Disney night on TV)."

"Cried and cried and cried."

"I've never been able to watch it again and I've never shown it to my kids!"- crowwitch

Not All Friendships Are Tenable... A Terrifying Thought

"'The Fox and the Hound'."

"Still makes me incredibly sad, lol."- mental_reincarnation

best friends friendship GIFGiphy

Sometimes, writers and filmmakers simply overestimate what might go over a child's head.

Or, for that matter, they might underestimate their emotional capacity.

Regardless, ask any of Fairuza Balk's fans which is scarier, Return to Oz or The Craft, and their answer will be immediate...

(... and it won't be The Craft...)


Couple laughing
Photo by Devon Divine on Unsplash

Part of the fun of dating and being in a relationship are the unexpected, impulsive moments.

What's funny is how these could be equally arousing moments, too, even if they're moments that we never expected to make us feel that way.

Redditor thann3 asked:

"What is the weirdest thing your partner did that turned you on?"

Backing Up

"When he backs into a parking spot, he puts his right hand on the back of my seat when he looks behind him."

"Hnnnngggggghhh. Gets me going and I don't know why."

- evilpinkmoney

"Every time someone mentions this, I am reminded of the time I did it and accidentally backhanded this girl in the face."

- kingoflint282

That Reading Voice

"In high school, this girl had a soothing voice. Every time she read out loud, I had goosebumps and she gave me butterflies."

- donbruh

Overwhelmingly Happy

"I can’t think of anything weird my husband did, but the first night of our honeymoon, we were talking about the wedding and our future, and I started crying because I was so happy (and told him that’s why I was crying)."

"He was smiling and gave me a kiss and then whispered, 'I don’t know why, but you crying just now turned me on.'"

"Lol (laughing out loud), it didn’t turn me on, but it did make me laugh, and I thought it was weird-cute."

- snarkylarkie

Safety First

"On the first date, he put my seatbelt on. It surprised me because I heard of men opening doors for their dates but not putting their seatbelt on. It just showed a very caring yet masculine side of him."

"The tension of knowing we wanted of each other but agreed to take it slow just made me go feral in my head."

"A year and a half later, he still does it to this day. He even gets 'mad' when I don't let him. I still blush when he does it, especially when other people are in the car with us."

- eeeeriemarie

Certain Accessories

"It wasn't my girlfriend, but over a Skype call maybe a decade ago when I was a teenager, I was on a call with a female friend I had the hots for."

"I casually mentioned that I had a thing for girls in glasses."

"She gasped, told me to wait there, and scurried downstairs. About 20 seconds later, she rushed back up, jumped onto her bed with her jaw resting on her fists, and low and behold, she was wearing glasses."

"We laughed, I didn't know what to say, but that was the cutest and sexiest way of letting me know she liked me."

- GemoDorgon

Good Chemistry

"I know it sounds weird, but her breath is intoxicating. It’s naturally somewhat sweet, and of course, she thinks I’m crazy."

"Edit: We know it’s not diabetes, ketosis, or any other medical issue. We’ve been together for over 30 years and it’s just good chemistry."

- yoooozername

That Deep Stare

"An ex-girlfriend of mine looked at me in a certain way every now and again that just did something to me, like a bit of a stare deep into my soul knowing she wants all of me. Every day I hope someone will recreate and enhance it."

- SamCham10

The Perfect Sweater

"When she wears THAT sweater, I'm powerless."

- wastedmytwenties

"Can someone link a pic of this type of sweater? Asking for a friend."

- schnaizer91

The Sleeve Roll Trick

"My boyfriend rolled up his sleeves kind of slowly the other day, and I felt like I couldn’t hear anything for like a solid minute, lollllll (laughing out loud)."

- farrah_barra

The Corniest Jokes

"This man will make the corniest joke in the whole world, and then his whole face lights up as he giggles at it. Gets me every time."

- Hobbbitttuallly

The Perfect Wine Pour

"We had our honeymoon in Italy and he noticed the waitstaff poured wine really beautifully, so he replicated it. Now I have him pour all my drinks for me."

"For some reason, the way his wrist moves when he pours really gets me going."

- chicken-and-awfuls

Specific Arm Movements

"Two things."

"When he's working on something mechanical and he starts getting serious, he'll flip his cap backward. It's an absent-minded thing and F**K is it sexy. And when he's working overhead, the way his arms flex. Watching him lift things into our attic is an instant turn-on. It's f**king weird, but godD**N does it do it for me."

"Also when I wear something sexy or low cut and he's not expecting it, he'll stutter if he's mid-sentence. We'll be talking from another room for instance, and I'll toss on a revealing shirt and walk in there and he'll lose his train of thought. Or shake his head like he needs to clear it. Your man making you feel sexy is the ultimate sexy move."

- shimmydownnow

Love Language: Physical Touch

"It's the gentle physical touch in public. That little 'Love you' touch as they scurry away to do a thing. Those random touches turn me on so quickly."

- 1beeratatime

Totally Saved It

"He fixed the shower in my truly horrible, low-rent grad school apartment and changed the oil on my car. Not sure why, but that just did things to me."

"If you were to ask my husband, self-deprecating humor would probably be his answer."

"On our first date, he and I went to see this stage production of 'Jekyll and Hyde.' At the bar, they were selling these cute little shots of Bailey's/Kahlua, with each liquor on separate sides of the glass. Me, being incredibly graceful in all things always, completely dumped the Bailey's half onto my blouse."

"His eyes got all big, not sure how to react, and I just sighed, turned to him, and reintroduced myself like, 'Hi, I'm (my name). This kind of thing happens a lot.'"

"He busted up laughing, I ordered a scotch, and we've been together for the past 11 years."

- anyesuki

Simply Existing

"Exist. My girlfriend could literally just stand there and I could and would get a chill down my spine."

- andytheloser12

While we were expecting these responses to be, well, weird, most of these were actually pretty cute or heartwarming.

Sometimes when it comes to relationships and intimacy, something can feel weird simply because it's unexpected, but maybe the unexpected moments are among the best parts of the relationship!

Shocked woman
Alexander Krivitskiy/Unsplash
Extroverts love conversation.

Unlike introverts who tend to shy away from engaging in random discussions, those who are comfortable–or too comfortable–in their own skin love to get all chatty.

That doesn't mean they have anything significant to say.

Strangers shared their bizarre interaction experiences when Redditor AlexanderKeef asked:
"What’s the weirdest thing someone casually told you as if it were totally normal?"

People whom you don't know tend to overshare as these Redditors experienced.

A High Request

"A story from a friend - in Colorado, someone once asked, 'Could you watch my wolves, I can pay you in weed.'"

"There's a lot to unpack in that question!"

– surlymoe

"You don't unpack wolves, you keep them together."

– hwarang_

Unsolicited Prediction

"Husband (30) and I were pushing our shopping cart out of the grocery store when a random man (who honestly looked like dumbledore) looked at my husband and said 'take my hat, you're gonna need it, you'll be bald very soon.' Obviously my husband didn't take it. It was super odd of him to say because my husband had a FULL head of hair."

"Three months later, my husband was diagnosed with a condition that made him lose all of his hair. Weird coincidence."

– hollyjollyaf

Self-Casting

"A guy once told me how he loved the feeling of wearing casts, so he'd put casts on himself- for days or weeks on end. Even if it meant he couldn't drive and would be stuck at home the entire time. He'd use vacation time just to wear full leg & arm casts."

– Present_Dust_2308

Homophobic Homosexual

A homophobic guy I know: 'Being gay is a choice.'"

"I said something like - ok, choose to be gay for a day, an hour, a single minute if you can."

"Guy - That's easy, I'm attracted to men all the time, I just choose to only like girls because I'm not gay."

"Me - Ummm..."

discostud1515

Longheld Grudge

"Once, an older woman came up to me on the street, took hold of my wrists and simply said 'they ripped out my afterbirth', and then carried on walking."

– JennyW93

"It's strange to grab strangers. But one day in Walmart, my granny walked ahead of me, and reached to grab me to show me something, without looking and she was pulling on an old lady's arm obliviously, and the old lady's eyes were like O.O."

"My grandma didn't even apologize, she just let go and yelled at me to stay closer."

– chzygorditacrnch

A Hairdresser-In-Training

"I was getting my hair done this last weekend by my daughter at her cosmetology school. One of her fellow students was excited to meet me. She talked nonstop and eventually told me that she has hemorrhoids and that she has her husband push them back in. So much TMI from a stranger!"

– Digjam823

You never know about the personal lives of people you see on a regular basis.

Squeaky Clean

"I had a college professor on the first day of class say that she is obsessed with Q-tips and cleaning her ears and that her family has to limit her to 3 a day-"

– lokeilou

Here's The Story...

"That they have 6 kids, all with different dads & each dad is in prison."

– ChyCgx2

"I once had a coworker who had seven kids with five different women and he'd constantly complain about how most of his paycheck went to child support. You uh, dug your own grave, pal. I'm really not sympathetic to your plight."

– apocalypticradish

It's the end of the world as we know it.

End Of Civilization

"I know a guy, we don't talk often but due to business we cross paths on occasion. More or less every time we talk he asks if I'm ready for the total societal collapse coming next week, or Tuesday, or at the end of the month.. and so on."

"I just tell him that it's not gonna happen; he usually then asks about my "crystal ball" so I remind him that I've been right every time."

– rkpjr

Zombie Apocalypse

"I went to a ComicCon type event in my city years ago(Walking Dead was a new show, first season for reference) and went to a panel about zombies. They talked about historical zombie lore, the first zombie movies, and the exciting first season of the new show Walking Dead, with some actors on the panel. When they opened it up to the audience for questions one of the first ones was, 'what kind of zombies do you predict we’ll have in a real zombie apocalypse? (Fast vs slow)'…panelists don’t really know how to answer, each gives their personal favorite or worst case scenario. Then we get to, 'What do you think the timeline is for the start of a coming zombie apocalypse?' Panelists are kind of like….? Talk about how things usually play out fiction."

“'No, but exactly WHEN do you think we’ll need to be fully prepared for zombies in real life?' Like, guys, these are actors and media studies academics, first of all they don’t have the level of belief you do and second, the people you should be asking about this stuff are probably biologists."

– AlternativeAcademia

Whenever I feel threatened by a homeless person who is pressuring me to hand over them cash, I tell them, "I''m allergic to corn."

The random phrase throws them and in the brief moment they assess what they heard I'm afforded more time to distance myself from them.

It always works, especially when they realize I'm all kinds of crazy and not worth targeting.