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Just as new mothers encounter the sudden, influential developments of powerful hormone changes, protective instincts, and milk production, so new fathers undergo some key changes of their own.

Their socks become exclusively white, climbing higher up the calf than ever before. All their shorts sprout cargo pockets and clunky belt loop cell phone holders. They start to really lean in to their old records.


And their humor is changed forever.

This isn't confirmed, but it would appear that all the dads have a secret weekly meeting where the latest puns are exchanged and exercises in awkward timing are practiced.

A mighty craft is honed, and he can fill the role he was meant to: the colossus of cringe, the pun producer, he who instills the sigh.

And yet, for all the cringing and the facepalming, we love to say the very same jokes. There is just something about that quaint stupidity.

BennuH asked, "What's the best 'dad joke' you know?"

Regional Laws 

"Dad, driving past a cemetery: Did you know anyone living in a 3 mile radius of a cemetery isn't allowed to be buried there?"

"Me: No, I had no idea. How come?"

"Dad: Yeah, you're not allowed to bury the living"

-- TinyLuckDragon

For the Face Plant Image  

"Why do Scuba Divers fall backwards off a boat?"

"Because if they fell frontwards they'd still be on the boat" -- hatsnatcher23

"Just told this one to my bf and he still has his face in his hands" -- sxeoompaloompa

A Mammal of Few Words 

"What did the father buffalo say when his child left for school?"

"Bison" -- TatooineLight

"LOL" -- BennuH

"Told this to my brother, he laughed his a** off." -- Type10Civilization

Baggage

"When I do home improvements I always use my step ladder"

"I never knew my real ladder" -- DavosLostFingers

"Whoever took the ladder, please return it or further steps will be taken." -- WaldhornNate

Woah Woah Woah, We're in Public 

"Me: I'm not very hungry, I just want something easy"

"Server: maybe the chicken strips for $6"

"Me: maybe it does, but that doesn't help my hunger" -- mcnoobs_

"My husband was facepalming for solid 8 minutes after I read that joke to him." -- Madanax

Not Wrong 

"Two dudes were on a boat with a few cigarettes, but they didn't have anything to light them, so they threw one of the cigarettes out of the boat, and the boat became a cigarette lighter."

-- OrangeMirrorJuice

Watch the News Before Saying This One 

"Did you hear about the kidnapping at school?"

"It's okay, they eventually woke up."

"I cringe every time." -- unicorndreamz94

"My 10 year old tried this one a few weeks ago. Unfortunately, I had just read news about a missing local girl. 'So I answered that yes I heard about the missing girl' Scared the sh** out of my 10 year old" -- Aubear11885

Got a Million of Em

"What do you call a fish with no eyes? A fshhhh."

"I'm sorry but I'm about to say something tasteless. Water."

"I got fired from my job at the calendar factory. I took a day off."

"Unfortunately though, I can't really tell these jokes since I'm not a dad. I'm a faux pa."

-- WholeGrainMustard

G-Pa With the Physics Humor 

"Why does the movie "speed" have no director?"

"If it had direction, it'd be called velocity!"

"-my grandpa, earlier today" -- ConceptUpset4681

"That's better than a regular dad joke. It's a grand dad joke." -- VaultBoy9

A Surprising Amount of Elevator Humor 

"I have a joke about elevators."

"It works on so many levels......." -- M0ntgomatron

"Did you hear about the corruption at the elevator company?"

"It went all the way to the top." -- RandomName222222222

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Image by HISdesign from Pixabay

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Sometimes the things that come out of peoples' mouths are truly astounding. It makes you wonder, where did things go wrong? Why are they like this? As Forrest Gump once said, “stupid is as stupid does".

Here are a few of the most jaw-dropping lay stupid things that have been said by actual human beings. Not aliens trying to figure out how humans communicate--ACTUAL human beings. Thanks, Reddit.

U/cperr310 asked: What's the dumbest thing you or someone you know has said?



First up, what better people to hear ridiculous claims from than children? Here are some people that even teachers couldn’t help.

Well, that’s awkward.

I was in 5th grade like 20 years ago, and I am a male which is important later. My school changed an extra girls locker room into a computer lab. When my class got to go check it out, I say "wow, it looks so different!".

Everyone looks at me like I'm a creep. What I meant to say was "wow it looks so different that the boys locker room!" I still think about this when trying to fall asleep more often than I'm comfortable with.

Xeeke

....no. No it’s not.

War Guy GIF Giphy

In my Spanish class where they were talking about Spanish countries

"What about Syria...isn't Syria Spanish?"

Worst part... NOBODY called her out on it to the point I was questioning myself. The professor had good English but it wasn't her first language and she dodged her question saying she's only going over countries in south america. I had to literally write myself a note that she literally asked that question. Then I got paired up with her like 10 minutes later for a group activity and I still wasn't over this question lol

Papapsie

Fake but also real but also demonic?

A kid in high school tried to convince me that men had an extra rib and that the earth is only a few thousand years old. Same kid said that ouija boards were full of magnets and gears which made them fake, yet they were simultaneously completely real and needed to be burned on sight to prevent demonic possession.

HotelRoom5172648B

But sometimes it’s the parents of children who say the dumb stuff.

Back in 2014 I still vividly remember we were eating dinner, and my brother is chewing with his mouth open while my sister is talking. My dad, still thinking about her talking but talking to my brother said "Talk with your mouth closed." and my sister just went silent immediately.

Starr_fall

Stupid can turn into ignorant really quickly. Here are a few examples of the not-so-harmless kind of dumb statements.​

Fun fact: they don’t use the US Constitution in New Zealand. Who knew?

angela rye guns GIF by Third Rail with OZY Giphy

After the church shooting in New Zealand, they banned guns. My coworker said that they can't do that since it violates the second amendment. We live in California.

Onbakeplatinum

Everyone knows New Zealand is the state below New Canada.

Rysilk

Uhhhhh that’s racist af.

Not to me but my husband.

He had to take an uber home from the Naval Base in San Diego (car was getting fixed) and the guy who picked my husband up was from Pakistan and they had small talk, telling him how he moved over here etc, dude was pretty cool.

My dumbass half sister whom we were staying with for a bit told him straight to his face, "Oh since you're military he probably wanted to like... murder you."

...What a f*cking ignorant, racist thing to say.

HelloxOctober

Just gonna leave this one here....

"And then I see the disinfectant where it knocks it out in a minute. And is there a way we can do something like that, by injection inside, because you see it gets in the lungs, so it would be interesting to check that out."

The_questcoast

Well that’s a new one.

A trans friend got "You're registered as a man here, so I need to hear a male voice to complete the verification of your acount."

Not the first time the cable company pulled this 'female' account 'female' voice / 'male' account 'male' voice crap. But that one time was on a whole other level.

Tricky_Ad_8459

But most of the time, dumb statements are harmless, and make for a good story down the line.​

I wouldn’t be able to keep a straight face either.

alvin and the chipmunks GIF by 20th Century Fox Home Entertainment Giphy

A few questions I've heard come to mind, I'm not sure which is the best/worst.

A few years ago my mom, in her 60s at the time, asked me if chipmunks grow up to be squirrels. Have you ever tried to keep a straight face while explaining to the grown-ass woman who was responsible for keeping you alive for ~18 years that chipmunks and squirrels are different animals?

In high school during a Spanish class as student asked "Do Spanish-speaking people think in Spanish?" After being told yes, her follow-up question was "Are they born speaking Spanish?" The teacher kept a straight face explaining that foreign language speakers learn their language the same as the student learned English, but there were a lot of other students laughing and brutally mocking her.

Relikter

Ah yes, the two types of guitars.

Dumbest thing I ever asked was, "do you prefer playing electric or air guitar?" I really meant to say acoustic, like my dad's.

Yankstraveler

Air guitar. I don't know how to play the acoustic or electric guitars, but I never get a wrong note on the air guitar.

CCC_037

Did you change your birthday?

At the bank.

Teller: Is your phone number still 123-4567?

Me: Yes

T: Is your address still 123 Easy st?

M: Yes

T: Is your birthday still 01/01/2000?

M: laughing I sure as hell hope so

That_one_air_guy

I can't even make fun of these. One time I asked my husband where the Newport Ferry sailed to.

Newport, obviously.

I think we all have slip-ups in our brains sometimes. It's part of being human, and hey, they stay alive as inside jokes for generations to come