The blockbuster movie "The Hangover" is just entertainment, not a blueprint for a fun night out before your I Do's.
A night of abandon that is recorded in the friendship history books. But all the activities included in those evenings should be within reason! Remember you're still committed to this other person. You're just out for a good time, you're not single for a day. So let's not get too crazy!
Redditor theukmoody wondered People who have witnessed a "There's not going to be a wedding" moment following a bachelor/bachelorette party: what went down? Gird your loins kids!
That old spark is dangerous...Giphy
My wife's friend called off her wedding a week before the ceremony. She lived several hundred miles away for school but came back to her hometown two weeks before the wedding to make sure everything was lined up and have her bachelorette party. In the course of her visit, she came across an old boyfriend (who was also engaged) and things "sparked" up again. They agreed they should each leave their fiancés and give their relationship another shot.
Turns out, he didn't keep up his end of the bargain, and she is still single today.
My dad and his friends took a buddy by canoe to an island to get drunk the night before the wedding. He told them all he didn't want to go through with it but couldn't figure out how to get out of it. When he woke up in the morning, they had stranded him on the island, he missed the wedding, his buddies were branded as the jerks. Groom to be was relieved.
Calling Betty Ford...
I see a lot of bachelor and bachelorette parties in my line of work. I actually have a few of these memories.
The first that comes to mind was an interesting night where the bachelor party was happening at one bar and the bachelorette party was in the bar down the block. At the groom to be's party I get a call for help from the place. It's a tame security call. Just a couple getting it on in a bathroom. The bar wanted them booted. I find out the dude is the groom to be and the girl is just some random chick. The chick goes off on her own and now I'm with the groom outside. He's drunk and almost uncontrollable. I am trying to find him a way home safe. His bros were all drunk and kept the party going without him. After a while, the bride to be and her gals come walking down the street. A couple people around chime in and tell her why I am there dealing with him. She breaks down and calls the wedding off right there. He ended up going to detox that night.
"She's" the one!Giphy
I traveled with my wife (then girlfriend) to a wedding she was in. I told my wife there is something going on between the bride and the maid of honor. She laughed. Two weeks after the wedding the brides Facebook goes dark. The bride and maid of honor are now living together in another state. I still talk about how I called it within an hour of meeting them. Poor groom... super nice dude.
Boo she is cray! Run!Giphy
I know a guy who seemingly had his life together: great career, lots of friends, beautiful fiancee.
He had a tendency to drink too much while partying, and a few weeks before the wedding he woke up in the hospital with serious injuries due to a non-automotive drunken accident. The scariest part for him was that he didnt remember a thing past leaving the party to walk home. Did he fall and hit his head? Did someone attack him and leave him for dead?
The thought of that scared him, and he decided to sober up. It also caused him to reflect on his life, and he realized his fiancee was manipulative, controlling, and he'd never be happy living with someone like that. He has some long term damage from the injury, but he's still sober, spends much of his free time for a charitable cause, and dodged a serious bullet (a bad marriage) as a result of that horrible injury so he oddly came out ahead in the end.
- A wedding came in from out of town, the bride/groom hadn't had a stag/hen do so decided the night before that the men and woman would split up and each have their own party. The men had a small cocktail bar and the women took the restaurant. I was meant to be working the main bar but got asked by a female colleague to cover the cocktail bar as the men were getting rowdy and making comments - no problem. Got in there and its just a group of old mates getting hammered, pretty standard stuff, until the stripper arrived. She did a full show, the groom has to remove her underwear with his teeth. All was well until the women found out and called off the wedding - shouting matches went on well into the early hours. The wedding did go ahead, but you could tell there was awkwardness in the air.
- The bride came to the bar asking if we had seen the groom as he was needed for some photographs or cutting the cake, can't quite remember. None of the staff had seen him so she went outside, only to return a few minutes later in tears. She had caught the groom getting with the Maid of Honor...her sister. All out family war commenced with extra guests just sitting there enjoying the buffet. Worst part was hearing the bride cry "I can't believe this happened again", I really felt bad for her because she was lovely. 8bitbenben
The bartender holds the secrets...Giphy
I bartend weddings fairly often and work directly with wedding planners all the time and meet with the bride and groom to be to talk things through and create a sense of familiarity. Each time I met the groom he just kind of seemed out of it but I chalked it up to stress. Day of the wedding before the ceremony the wedding planner comes over and asks for a couple shots for herself, she doesn't drink on jobs so I ask her why. Apparently things were about to get started but the groom was missing and wasn't responding to phone calls so everyone is looking for him then one of the brides maids disappears.
Not long after the brother of the groom gets a text from the groom saying he and the brides maid are in love and they're running away to elope and that he'll call him after. Everyone is getting antsy waiting for things to start and they've all been waiting like 2 hours. Now the wedding planner has to tell 150 people that the wedding is off and explain to the parents what happened while the wedding party is consoling the bride.
Ex-girlfriend was going to a friend of a friends bachelorette party, mainly for her friend who didn't want to go solo.
Anyway, I knew they were going to a strip club and expected to hear all about those shenanigans. She text me when they were leaving, the bride had payed for two of the strippers to come back with them. They went back and the show continued. Everyone seemed like they were having fun, but generally playing by the rules. Nothing that doesn't go on at tons of bachelorette parties.
At some point things took a turn. Then, things went the way they usually do with sexually charged people. People started screwing. Turned into two of the girls having sex with the strippers. Then the bride.
There was no wedding.
Wedding Photographer here - This happened with a couple back in 2015.
Night before the wedding, all the bridal party got together at the hotel, partied, and drank a LOT. I show up the next morning 8am after a 2 hour drive to be told by the hotel receptionist, that there was not going to be a wedding.
Apparently a large fight broke out between the groomsman and bridesmaids. Money to pay then vendors was stolen. The ceremony was supposed to be at 11am that day. After about 2 minutes of WTF is going on here, nobody called and told me. I called the bride's mother - and she stated that she was off to pick up the bride and groom, sit them down, and still try to have a wedding.
Fast forward a couple hours, the groom showed up drunk out of his mind around 10am, guests were already showing up, the bride finally showed around 11:30 - noon time, and there was a ceremony at 1pm. Yes - they still got married. The groom was drunk the whole day, the couple argued a ton.
Needless to say... It was an eventful day.
Dear Jane... I'm a little...Giphy
A friend of mine in college had been engaged to her high school sweet heart. Plan was for them to get married after she graduated. She was one of those that dreamed of her wedding since she was a little girl. She had been planning FOREVER!!! A week before the wedding, he leaves without a trace, except a note saying I can't marry you. She was devastated. We still had a party with the wedding cake, food, etc. because it had all been paid for already. Saddest party ever. She ran into him a few years later at an 80's dance club wearing a mesh shirt and a taxi hat making out with a dude. Saw it coming!!!
Birds of a Feather...Giphy
Both parties happened same night same location as they didn't trust each other. Bachelorette and her maid of honor snuck off mid party to go up stairs to a room they booked to have sex with some random people.
Don't worry the bachelor was a scum too, at some point during their relationship he poked holes in condoms so she'd get pregnant and stay.
Hey girl hey/Ooops...
Not because of the party but still good. Day of the wedding Groom's family is patiently waiting. Bride's family hasn't shown. Bride's mother finally arrives and says that Bride has discovered Groom has a second fiancee in another state and wedding is off. Rehearsal dinner photos on Facebook and someone tagged the wrong girl assuming that was his fiancee he had been talking about. Except it was the other fiancee. So Bride see her tagged as someone else and messages from out of town friends about "Cant wait to meet her why wasn't I invited?"
This be like Jerry Springer meets Maury while at a UFC match! It's awesome!Giphy
Strip club manager here,
Funniest thing I've ever seen. 5 man bachelor party comes into work. Kinda tipsy and having a good time but not being disruptive. They are hanging out for a while and they are great, throwing money and overall being pleasant. At this point they have done nothing wrong. About 2 hours in, my front door flings open and in barge 4 very very drunk women. They storm right past security, make a beeline for the group and what I later learned was the bride, proceeds to beat the absolute crap out of the groom. Then 2 of the other ladies proceed to botch at than attack the best man and another guy. Me and my team bolt over to try and separate the cluster that just transpired pulling the ladies off the guys who looked just as surprised as we were.
We drag them outside and the guys all follow out. The bride start going absolutely nuts on the groom saying how she can't believe he'd go to a strip club to see naked women before their wedding. The groom starts yelling saying it's not a big deal etc. The maid of honor and best man (who were apparently married) also are having the same discussion.
The fun really gets turned to 11 when the quiet female (up to this point) walks up and slaps the dog crap out of the groom wondering why she wasn't good enough. Apparently they had dated years ago and she never got over him. Also apparently the bride did NOT know this information. Bridezilla goes OFF. Start beating the crap out of quiet chick. While groom, me and another security guy are trying to stop a murder in my parking lot, best man and maid of honor are still arguing. Once we separate bride and quiet chick, all we hear is best man scream forget this! Walks over, tells groom he screwed the bride like 3 years ago at a party with the maid of honor and he didn't want him to marry her.
Groom surprisingly is calm... turns to bride and says the wedding was off. She starts freaking out crying apologizing and begging as he walks in the club to pay his tab...
Craziest night at work ever....
Always check who you're emailing
I was two weeks away from getting married, ex went off with her friends for Bachelorette party two in the morning I get a email from the maid of honor it was supposed to be sent to her friends and my name was accidentally selected, the email contained a video of my bride to be performing oral on the male strippers. The next day we were supposed to finalize some plans when the bride to be and maid of honor showed up to pick me up i just pointed at the computer... bride went pale then spent the next eight hours attempting to explain what was going on, then it turned into a horrible mistake, I think at some point I passed out because i had started drinking right after seeing the video and just didn't stop.
Thank her for her service?Giphy
Military idiot in my old unit had a bachelor party at a (very nasty) strip club and screwed a stripper in front of his buddies in the private room. Of course word about this spread like wildfire in the unit and confirmed by the dozen of guys that were in the room when it happened, military spouses gossip and talk and soon the wife found out and they were divorced less than a month later.
I'm still friends with the groom on FB and he is still a idiot.
Dodged A Bullet
My wife had a friend whose fiancee called off the wedding after he found out she had been with a black guy... years before they even started dating.
Always trust your gut...Giphy
This happened to one of my oldest friends who I met in preschool, our families were friends, they moved out of state in middle school but we kept in touch. Cut to our 20s- He gets engaged to his gf that he was living with, everything sounds good, I got the invite and was making plans to travel for the wedding. They had a joint bachelor/bachelorette weekend in Vegas with their wedding party and I coincidentally was out there the same weekend visiting family, so I joined them out one night.
It was awkward AF. I can't really describe the tension. Fiancé didn't even say hi or acknowledge me when I said congrats (first time meeting her too). Everything was disorganized, no one knew what was going on, we kinda wandered from place to place til we settled at a bar in a hotel. I never saw the bride and groom next to each other all night let alone talking. They got in different cabs from one place to the other even though it was not separated by guys and girls, but one big party. I ended up hanging out mostly with my friend's older brother and his gf. I got the weirdest vibe off the situation and when I got back I told my SO I wanted to hold off buying the plane tickets and wasn't sure I wanted to make the effort and pay a lot of money to travel to a wedding that I felt so uneasy about.
Maybe two weeks later my friend calls to ask if I've bought tickets yet. Not yet... Good he says, the wedding is off. Fiancé decided she was in love with one of the groomsmen and she moved in with him. The groomsman that lived right next door to them. She claims she never cheated while they were together and it just happened... right. I think she and groomsman got married some time later, but my friend was stuck in the lease living next to them for several months.
Shots for the groom... I mean the birthday boy!
It was a month before my scheduled wedding and I was getting everything ready. In the meantime all of my close friends in my wedding party came out to celebrate my bachelor party with some drinking, floating, sky diving, etc. Well the night before they get there, my now ex-fiance of 8 years says that she no longer wants to go through with the wedding. So I spend the morning my friends are there calling around to friends, family, reservation services and explaining the news (completing blindsided). Come to find out she had cheated on me and had been feeling that way "for awhile" but didn't share this with me until the day of my Birthday... the day before my friends visit for a few days.
Needless to say the plans changed a bit and it turned into my Birthday party instead. Was pretty awful but I ended up having a good time with best friends.
Much happier now with my soul mate and so thankful that things worked out the way they did!
What happens in Vegas... may destroy your life!
Bachelor party went on a cruise and never left the ship. Ate too much and drank a lot. Meanwhile the bachelorette party went to Vegas. The bride banged one of the strippers and two of the bridesmaids hooked up with old boyfriends who just happened to be there. The wedding never happened. But the bridesmaids are now both engaged to their respective boyfriends (the ones that they cheated on) and planning a double bachelorette party in..... you guessed it..... Las Vegas.
Left foot green...Giphy
Three of us guys were best friends since high school - we'll say it's Billy (guy getting married), Joel (one of the 3 amigos), Martin (me). Fast forward to about age 23 - Billy is getting married to this girl who was 19 at the time. Night of the bachelor party, somehow Joel and I are alone with the bride-to-be. She's got a few drinks in her, and decides to seriously proposition Joel for sex. We thought long and hard about telling Billy, but given previous experiences (we told him about an Ex doing some shady crap and he proceeded to stop talking to us until they broke up), we decided against it. They did get married... 6 months in he got home early from work and walked in on her in the middle of taking her clothes off in the living room with another dude. While they might have just been starting an innocent game of naked twister, he decided to divorce her.
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What is it about someone that captivates you instantly?
Could it be the twinkle in their eye as they talk about their passions? Or perhaps its their overwhelming sense of humor that draws in everyone in the room?
Whatever it might be, everyone has that one trait, that one quality, that can make them instantly interesting to someone listening nearby.
"What's one thing which makes someone interesting to you instantly?"
It doesn't even have to make sense why that person is interesting to you.
If they're only funny to you, and no one else, doesn't matter.
You'll sit, listening to them, for as long as you can.
Make Me Laugh
"Sense of humour"
"I have entire relationships that are built on mutual humor. Sincere humor is the best, when someone can be their full selves with you - serious moments are appreciated and occur but our love language with one another is our ability to laugh together."
You've Seen Things Others Haven't
"If they have traveled outside their home country or have lived/are living outside the home country."
"As someone who spent the last 15 years outside my home country, this is normal for me, or that they’ve learned a second language.(I have too just not always the language of my host country)."
Math And Numbers All The Way
- "If they're interested in math I instantly love them. Haven't met anyone tho"
- "Funny sarcasm a bit situational, but if someone is good at using sarcasm in a gunny way I want to be they're friend."
Totally Got Into A Fight With A Bear
"Facial scars, and not ones done intentionally. If you got a big ol scar on your face, you've seen some sh-t, and I am dying to hear about it."
"I have a fairly prominent scar close to my eye that I got from walking into the corner of a table as a 2yo."
"Can't say I've seen sh-t, but I sure as sh-t didn't see that table."
Conversations are tricky to navigate, especially when you think you'll do nothing but bring the group chat down.
That's why when someone perks their ears up to give you the floor, it's intriguing.
Let's Talk TOGETHER
"They draw people into the conversation by finding topics of mutual interest."
"A great tip for doing this is to abandon any embarrassment at knowing nothing about someone's passion. Instead of trying to change the subject or staying quiet, ask the basic questions that come to mind."
"You'll find there are two types of people - those who delight in explaining why they're so passionate to you in a way that makes their passion practically contagious and those who can't be bothered making an effort. The first group are the ones you want to talk to anyway, as they not only match the effort you made but make it effortless for both parties."
Take Your Time. I'll Listen.
"People who can find the sentence through all the stuttering I do and are actually interested to chat for an undetermined amount of time"
"Hang in there buddy! It's a shame how society treats people who stutter! I'm a speech therapist and the biggest problem for my patients isn't the stuttering, but the inability of other people to just take a little bit more time and let them finish their sentences on their own time"
Or Maybe We Don't Need To Talk At All
"Ability to enjoy and appreciate comfortable silences without having the need to constantly talk."
"Nothing's more annoying than someone who constantly talks just to fill the air."
You don't know why, you just know how it feels.
It's a gut thing, deep down inside, that lets you know this person is something special.
Let It Out
"Passion. Doesn't matter about what, they could be passionate about installing toilets and I'd listen to them. I find it infectious."
"YES fully f-cking agree. My friends always apologize when they go on about something I’m not into/haven’t even heard of, but I could listen to it for hours. Just hearing the excitement in their voice and seeing their eyes light up just soothes my soul."
"They’re not afraid to like things. I’m so bored of people whose personality is based around not liking things or being too cool for things. Coming from someone who used to be extremely cynical — cynicism is boring."
Eyes That Make You Feel
"Their eyes. Some people have very kind eyes and I’m extremely attracted to that."
"Omg this. So far I’ve only met one person with really kind eyes and there was a time when I was in bed just crying about it cause whenever he looks at me it’s like all the mistakes I’ve made in my life doesn’t matter"
Speak Your Truths
"Honesty. Even at their own expense. Extremely attractive trait in friends or significant others."
"Double this. It comes down to being able to accept wrong and being unafraid to open themselves up to judgment, criticism, and consequences of action, which is a huuuige display of strength, and == hot. Dishonesty is insecurity at best, malice at worst."
Trust your gut.
You never know what kind of fascinating individuals you'll be lucky enough to interact with.
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Turns out not all of us are interested in being benevolent Gods.
It's Reddit, so we're not exactly surprised, but we're suddenly glad divine cosmic powers don't work this way.
Reddit user Purple_Pineapple_752 asked:
"If God gave you his powers for 1 hour, What would you do?"
So here's the thing, Reddit has no chill.
So every random whim, thought, or chip on people's shoulders certainly came out in the comments.
And honestly... it's delicious.
Some Redesigns Needed
"Redesign human knee and shoulder joints. Because, seriously, I've got some bug reports that have been ignored."
"You’ve got my vote! As a nearly 30yr old with chronic arthritis, I’d say thank you!"
"Yup. Tore my ACL the other month in college football and am now a 'house potato' according to my dad."
"Both of my shoulders are reconstructed. My hips are finished as well an I'm in my 30s ."
"I think the human body needs to be made of better quality parts at this point lol"
"Elected politicians, and candidates for office can no longer lie."
"Intentionally or unintentionally, every thing they express will be truth. If they try to lie, it will come out truth."
"This is not meant to be wholly benevolent."
"No half truths. No vagaries. The plain and objective truth, or silence. Those are their options."
"And it applies to all elected politicians, officially government sponsored ones (MPs) or otherwise, like say the elected spokesman of the IRA."
"Let the games begin."
"This is actually terrifying."
"Imagine you are elected. You want to know the nuclear launch codes? No worries, just try to state the first character in the sequence."
"You cannot lie. So what you say will come out as correct. Now just have someone write it down."
"Want the password to the white house twitter account? No worries, just get someone to vote you into some form of office. Could be you and joe-no-body, it doesn't matter."
"Privacy would end overnight."
"No no no, you want them to not be able to tell intentional lies. Then at least it's limited to things they know. And just for good measure, give every elected official a strong sense of questioning their own knowledge."
"I feel like this power will end up being a monkeys paw. You try to do good but it has an equal/opposite reaction..."
"You make it so politicians can't lie, and the followers just accept it and still vote them into power."
"Make it so people have critical thinking and aren't easily misled by conspiracies and propaganda, then I dunno, maybe we find out we needed conspiracies in our life and we now no longer question anything.. Idk.."
"You remove corruption and it has some unforeseen knock on impact where now South American or African countries become super powers and a new cold war erupts with new players."
"Yeh monkeys paw... Beware of this power..."
"Create various images on toast and have fun watching believers react to them."
"But technically... they would be right because it was you as God!! You!!"
"I’ve often wondered how many people eat their Jesus toast without ever bothering to check."
"Extending the thought, how many people actually do check their toast only to think to themselves, 'Hey! It’s Keanu Reeves!' ”
Can We Vote For This Person?
"1st of all, I would make it so that everyone napping always wakes up refreshed. All naps now last 23 minutes but feel like 4 hours of perfect sleep."
"Nothing is addictive."
"All men are given perfect recall about everything their wives have said or done."
"All women obtain positive body images."
"People who are cool never have their shoe laces come undone. A-holes have their laces break every Friday."
"Dogs stay small puppies for 3 extra months and come out potty trained."
"Turtles can play trumpet."
"America switches to metric with no fuss."
"The internet makes sense to everyone over 70....but they chose to avoid social media anyway."
"Corn syrup goes away."
"All religions announce simultaneously that God is kinda... but not exactly gay."
"Every swastika owned drawn or tattooed is slowly burned away over a week. It hurts really bad and is replaced by a picture of a teddy bear blowing a very startled looking Nick Cage."
"You had me at trumpet turtles and taco trees."
"I also choose this god."
Assuming I'm Still Interested
"Assuming I’m still really interested in Earth, get us back to zero or a good starting point."
"Remove all trash and pollution everywhere. It just ceases to exist."
"Complete all municipal separated storm sewer projects instantly."
"Instantly create storm water gardens wherever necessary. Instantly eliminate lawn culture and convert to lawn alternatives to eliminate run off."
"Instantly convert all power generation to safe thorium nuclear and renewable. Instantly convert all sea shipping to clean nuclear."
"Instantly convert all cars to electric. Create charging stations at every residence."
"Instantly convert all heavy construction equipment to a safer fuel (I don’t know what yet). Instantly put solar panels on every structure/house. Instantly create bike lanes everywhere. Instantly create bike culture of the Netherlands everywhere."
"Upgrade everywhere to high speed rail systems similar to Japan. Switch all roads to permeable pavement."
"Instantly perform major upgrades on every structure, road and bridge everywhere. Have all work go to new construction and maintenance."
"Instantly install field drains and timer stadium lights in all playing fields."
"Instantly process all rape kits in all police stations."
"Instantly repair all playgrounds and park features everywhere."
"Automatically register everyone to vote. Create 10 new states out of Texas and California. Instantly pass political reform."
"Legalize all drugs. Instantly create more treatment centers."
"Instantly cure all ailments that are in recovery in hospital and would cure naturally. Instantly move those patients back home."
"Instantly kill all patients who would die naturally. Instantly inform all families."
"Instantly remove all graveyards and eliminate practice of saving dead. Create new ritual of donation to science or turn into tree."
"Instantly create depression cure. Instantly create obesity cure. Instantly create formula to grow/repair existing teeth."
"Instantly change taxation rate to post WW2 for businesses. Instantly change view of all workers to pro-union."
"Instantly identify and eliminate all political corruption. Have everyone just realize all this exists."
"Eliminate all religious belief everywhere. Instantly create belief in helping neighbors, being a good person, and creating a heaven on earth."
"Eliminate all mosquitoes. Bring back bees."
"Is time up? Was that an hour?"
One Solution To The Fossil Fuel Issue
"Having given it some thought:"
"Easy parthenogenesis for all humans, regardless of their biological sex and mental identity."
"And the natural ability to self terminate pregnancies. And self. That would wipe out a whole bunch of angst and repression in the world."
"The ability to fly, as someone else suggested, at fairly rapid speeds. This would vastly change society, no more cars, planes, elevators, stairs, possibly no more country borders, it would be nearly impossible to enforce. The demand for oil would plummet and the environment would be healthier."
"Extra longevity, with senescence happening only a few years before death."
Genderqueer Garlic Bread
"Make an easily accessed and super powerful source of electrical energy that's renewable and environmentally friendly, it's also easily accessed (this could just be 100% efficient solar gen, or a generator that somehow turns heat back into useable energy? I dunno I'll be god, I could figure it out)."
"Cure All Diseases"
"Humanity now has the ability to magically transform themselves freely to look however they choose, provided it's still anthropomorphic."
"I'm genderqueer; this would make it so all the non-cis people wouldn't need expensive drugs and surgery, or suffering, although I guess we'd be dealing with a few furries but y'know that's fine with me."
"Reverse earth's environmental damage back to pre-industrial while maintaining all the infrastructure changes."
"Finally, all major US and Canadian highways are underground and infinitely maintainable, AND there's also Bullet Trains that run underground with them along the WHOLE interstate/400 Series and Extension/Trans-Can that way I NEVER HAVE TO DRIVE AN HOUR TO WORK AGAIN."
"AND all Cities with populations over 10K have more-than-adequate 100% free public transit that's also so efficient the busses/trains/trolleys/whatever are never late."
"OH one more thing: Since everyone is gonna be sexy because of the Shapeshifting, everyone is either pansexual, or ace, and the people that are ace aren't seen as weird and are completely respected in their orientation. And we all have an innate sense both to locate each other and to locate garlic bread."
"I would set a timer for 10 years and then everyone dies and the earth explodes. I would make everyone aware of the timer."
"I think that would eliminate a lot of bullshit around the world like war and hate, and would make for a really good last time alive until we all die together."
"Am I a weirdo?"
"Curse everyone whose name was listed in the Pandora Papers to spontaneously explode somewhere in public and just let the media chips fall where they will."
"Create a sky-dwelling jellyfish that eats carbon fumes and whose tentacles contain a chemical that makes you feel total euphoria for 8 hours straight."
"See how long it takes humans to turn them into a carbon-sucking, drug-producing sky farm animal."
"I am 100% on board for carbon-Hoover-jelly-sky-fish-farms."
"Because Who Wouldn't?"
"I'd get rid of all mental impairment diseases and conditions. Alzheimers, Dementia, the severe mental impairment that some kids are born with (Not sure what the various conditions are called)."
"I would make humans and other animals immune to cancer. I would extend healthy human lifespans by another 50 years, and dogs and cats can also live as long as humans."
"I would then give humans the ability to research and cure other diseases and ailment so that mankind could eventually have treatments for such things as they come along. I say this because I only get an hour and things will appear in the future that can't be predicted (even with God's power)."
"And lastly, I'd of course, give my self a bigger dick, because who wouldn't?"
Oh you didn't honestly think we were going to get through an article about god-like powers and NOT have someone use it for penises... did you?
Come on now.
You're not THAT new on the internet.
You know how people are around here.
What would YOU use your god-like powers for now that you've read some of Reddits ideas? Let us know in the comments.
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Are you like me and the 1990s were only 10 years ago?
Yes, I can do the math, but 1990 being 32 years ago still seems unreal.
Why is that?
Maybe it's the fact it marked the end of the 20th century and beginning of the 21st.
Either way, it just doesn't seem that long ago and the nostalgia for the trappings of the 1990s is strong.
Redditor PrimaryYam9432 asked:
"What is something outdated from the 90s you want back?"
"I lived in a one bedroom apartment in San Diego in the nineties to the tune of $400 a month. I'd like that back, please."
"I looked up the specific place I lived. That one bedroom runs $1,650 now."
Cheesy Video Games
"Westwood Studio's real time strategy games featuring cheesy live action videos between the levels. I'm fine without the dial-up multiplayer though."
Subscribe, Subscribe, Subscribe
"Software that you buy one time and own. Looking at you Adobe."
"Being able to own things without having to take out a subscriptions."
"This is exactly what I was going to say. Being able to buy something and be done. Now everything has a subscription attached to it."
"Software is one of the worst examples but even the auto industry is trying to get in on the subscription money by requiring additional monthly plans to access features of your car that you already paid for."
"A local HVAC company is attaching a subscription to their work. So you pay them to install it all and then a monthly fee for them to be on-call in the event it needs maintenance."
"At work our IT support company stopped doing ad hoc service calls unless you subscribe to their monthly service plan. So the company is paying triple the price and getting basically the same thing except in theory the amount of service call they can request is 'unlimited'."
Your Local Video Store
"I miss going to video stores and browsing."
"I do too. That was a fun Friday night as a kid. Going to Blockbuster to pick out a new movie to watch."
"It's not the same getting on Netflix and spending an hour looking for something to watch to only wind up watching something you've already seen."
"Yep! As a kid my dad would come home from work on Friday evening and take us to Hollywood video."
"We’d pick out a movie and get a pizza on the way home. Good times."
"Reasonable commercial lengths."
"Now ESPN has 5 minute commercial breaks..."
"My least favorite trend is a commercial break, then they come back for 1-2 minutes with some tiny snippet of 'coming up next!' then go to another commercial break."
"Or they smash the credits into a tiny window, while running ads on full screen. Can't even read the credits if you wanted to."
"Not having to make an account for EVERYF'KINGTHING!"
"And lately every time I sign up for something, they send me texts now too in addition to emails that I don’t want. Leave me alone!!"
"I'm so over this. Especially when you're supposed to make a different password for every account you have. My brain only has so much memory for passwords anymore."
"This is probably more late 90s/early 00s than the 90s as a whole, but a social media-less internet."
"It felt like an escape from real life, as opposed to an extension of it."
"Remember when they told us to never identify yourself on the internet? And now they put their whole life on it."
"I miss web 1.0 where anonymity was the point."
"Remember when our parents told us not to trust anyone on the internet, but now believe everything they see online and lecture us about it?"
"My mom when I was 16 and got my first PC: 'Don't put your pictures online!'"
"My mom now: 'Send me grandson pics nowww! Need new profile pic and header!!'"
"Geocities web pages, made with heart, not for money."
"I do miss Geocities. It was sh*t, but atleast anyone could have a web site for free hosted on a server that was relatively fast and reliable."
"Nowadays, good luck to find a good free web hosting..."
"Oh my god, my bff would purposely go to my crappy Geocities site and sign the guestbook as ridiculously over the top characters like 'Madame Consuela de Soliz-Camacho-Dubois St Bernard,' and she'd write their comments in Spanish, German, French, whatever she felt like that day."
"It was so stupid but for idiot teenagers back in the 90's, it was the height of hilarity that she could prank me without being in the same room. Good times."
Why Is This Phone Smart?
"Not being able to be reached 24/7."
"Remember when the only people who had cell phones or pagers were doctors and high end business professionals that NEEDED to be reached at a moments notice."
"Now, everyone is expected to be available at any time. And if you elect to stand your ground and establish a separation between work/personal life you're considered 'rude' or 'difficult to communicate with'."
"Yeah, remember when you let the house phone ring during dinner?
"I remember my dad grumbling if the phone ever rang: 'It's dinner time, nobody should be calling now. Who calls during dinner?!'"
"You didn't call people's house after about 8pm either unless you knew it was okay. It was rude—that was private, home time."
Buttons & Knobs & Dials
"Technology with buttons and knobs."
"Agreed! Some things I just don’t want a touch screen for."
"I hate touchscreens in cars because 1) you just know they'll wear out and be expensive to replace and 2) I can't use it by feel and have to take my eyes off the road to adjust anything."
"Agreed! Why does my Microwave need to have touchscreen? I don't want to touch the panel with my fat butter and chips fingers. I want use the back of my hand."
"All my touchscreen appliances start to fizzle and fail pretty quickly. All the analog or mechanical ones still work from decades ago, or I can at least open them and clean some contacts."
Nostalgia is a funny thing—we tend to romanticize our past.
If we truly went back, we'd probably discover all the things we'd miss from our future.
But we still miss a lot from the 1990s.
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You're probably going to be beat over the head with this as you read this charming article but bedbugs are a nightmare and they are always lurking (in the back of my mind) when I think about purchasing some items secondhand.
Some years ago, a relative brought in a stuffed animal and some other items off the street. Within days we had a bedbug issue.
It was thankfully resolved very quickly–good thing it was caught so early–but let's just say I dealt with phantom itch for a while.
Nooo thank you.
People told us all about their own reservations after Redditor princesspeaches8 asked the online community:
"What's something you'd never buy secondhand?"
"Most people don't realize..."
"Motorcycle helmets. Most people don’t realize that helmets expire and lose effectiveness even after relatively small impacts."
Best not to tempt fate and get a new one for sure.
People cut corners and then pay the price with their life.
"...unless it was from someone I knew for certain..."
"Climbing gear, unless it was from someone I knew for certain is an experienced climber and cared for their gear per manufacturer recommendations. Even then, I'd prefer to buy new."
The last thing I would want if I were a climber would be to realize that I am using faulty equipment!
"You want bedbugs?"
"A mattress. You want bedbugs? That's how you get bedbugs."
Bedbugs terrify me.
No thank you.
"Since nobody else has said it..."
"A car seat. Since nobody else has said it, I will. Secondhand car seats are so dangerous. You have no idea if they have been in an accident, after which they are supposed to be replaced no matter how minor."
All it takes is one accident.
Don't risk it.
"I got into a whole argument..."
"Tires. I got into a whole argument about it with my automotive teacher in school, and everyone laughed at me and called me spoiled, but I just don’t feel that it’s worth taking a gamble on people's safety with used tires."
I believe this depends on the tread, though.
"Jigsaw puzzles. Bought a 1,000 piece puzzle for £3, spent a few hours making it only to find 6 pieces were missing."
I'd be so upset after spending all that time!
"Three things I would never dream..."
"A toothbrush. Toilet paper. A condom. Three things I would never dream about buying second hand."
People buy used condoms?
What is going on with the world?
"It happened when I was 10..."
"Shoes. It happened when I was 10. My mom bought me a pair of boots from The Salvation Army that I just had to have. Athlete’s foot. HORRIBLE. It took powder, not spray, to get rid of it."
I am also very hesitant to purchase used shoes (and won't) and I understand that this is a privileged opinion.
"There's no warranty..."
"Crucial car parts. Like used tires, brake pads, brake rotors, rack-and-pinions etc. There’s no warranty from the back-alley Craigslist dude and if those parts have defects you won’t be able to stop or steer. Which leads to you quickly performing the room-temperature challenge."
You see, I don't drive, but if I did, this would definitely be something I wouldn't do.
No way I'd purchase crucial car parts from some rando!
"I was very open to it before..."
"Most second hand things now. Especially furniture and clothing which can't be checked thoroughly. I was very open to it before. But bed bugs really terrify me now. All it takes is one to start an infestation, and they hide in things like the labels and behind boots and screws. The eggs are about the size of dandruff."
As mentioned before... bedbugs are terrifying.
I don't think I can stress that enough.
Sometimes saving a few dollars can cost you a lot.
Why risk it?
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