In a perfect world, each child's parents have the time, energy, and emotional bandwidth to offer their undivided attention whenever it's asked for.
These utopian parents could take an extended time to answer strange questions, more compassionately persuade children to improve behavior, and even give honest, age-appropriate answers about all things birds and bees.
Alas, that is not the world we live in. Parents get busy, they become frustrated after six hours in the hot sun, they have financial stresses that weigh on the tone and tenor of their responses to their kid's questions and behavior.
So there are plenty of convenient lies that parents told us kids. As adults, we can zoom out and understand exactly what the motive was.
But at the time, how confusing and earth-shattering those all seemed.
Many people described the lies their parents told to influence behavior. But the common thread was the persuasive argument the parents chose in all these cases: medical health.
Nothing is scarier than a horrifying terminal illness.
"One time I was just chillin in my room and my dad walked in, looked at me and said 'son, you know if you masturbate too much you will die.' "
"And I was like 'umm okay dad cool.' Then he walked out. Super weird lol"
Babies Popping Up Out of Nowhere
"That babies came when a man and a woman love each other soooo much. I once cried and told my teachers I was scared I'd have a baby with my dad because I love him so much..."
Niche Line of Work
"A blowjob is when someone gets a job as a glass blower." -- ZsaFreigh
"Glassblowers do work around glory holes so I guess it's not totally a lie" -- Ejacksin
"How'd they get the job" -- mrrowr
"staring at the microwave could give you cancer" -- Springtrappity
"I feel like I can't even call that a "lie" since lying implies that the liar knows it's false. Can't speak for your parents, but I know my dad actually believes that." -- sleepyHS
Stop Asking for Those!
"That my uncle got cancer from having lunchables for lunch at school. Like damn, just tell me we can't afford it." -- Electronic-Ad3386
"This might actually be possible because of the preservatives used in the cold cuts."
"There was a study done that showed a link between eating deli meats and higher rates of cancer. A follow up study looked into it more deeply and found it nitrites/nitrates being used as a preservative was messing up the good bacteria in your gut... leading to cancer in some folks." -- c0ng0pr0
"If that was my Mom's thought process I'll eat my shoe" -- Electronic-Ad3386
Bears On the Run
"I used to wear a bear costume like everyday when I was 5. One day, my mom already freakin' tired of that costume told me it was 'bear hunting season' already and that it was no longer safe to go out dressed like that."
"The memory of she telling me that is forever locked in my memory now. I still to this day remember how reckless I felt for not having considered that..."
"We still laugh about that lie"
Other lies were all about the food and nutrition.
It can be so tough to make kids try new things or eat the healthy foods they need to. So some convoluted reasoning was in order.
Eat All the Pickles You Can
"My dad told me that every pickle you eat adds 5 minutes on your life. I was like 5 and damn did I ever take that to heart." -- covidongrounds
"Dear lord, if that's true, I've got about 100 years left to go. I am 55 years old." -- flowerlady327
A Colorful Past
"Asked my dad why most of his hair was missing. He told me that when he was young, his hair was so silky and soft, the fairies came in the night and pulled it out, strand by strand, to make silk curtains for their fairy palaces."
"Also, the reason he had a gold tooth was that he stopped one night to help a witch who was stuck by the side of the road with a broken broomstick. When he mended it for her, she cast a spell and gave him a golden tooth to say thankyou."
"Don't you dare say my pa was lying to me unless you can prove it."
A Truly Boring Place
"If we couldn't decide on a restaurant, my dad would tell us we'd better make up our minds quick or he'd take us to Vegetable World."
"I was like 11 before I realized it wasn't a real restaurant. By golly, it worked until then though."
"You learn to whistle by eating all of your sandwich crusts."
"If you can keep from licking the hole after losing a tooth the replacement will grow in SOLID GOLD!"
Finally, there were those lies that parents seemed to simply tell to sound like they know the inner workings of every earthly phenomenon.
We weren't well-read at the time, so they could've said anything. And honestly, they did.
A Very Complicated Apparatus
"My dad tried to tell me that cars were run by hamsters on wheels under the gear shift, and they knew to run because the stick ended in a block of ice that would go on their backs."
"I was eight and asked him wtf he was talking about. He had been told this by his uncle and believed it, and was disappointed it didn't work on me."
Galaxy So Far Away It's Not Here
"I was told that Star Wars was real. Didn't take too long to figure that one out." -- Pickle_Rick236
"I would have been devastated to learn it wasn't true lmao" -- annalavoi06
"Whatchu mean? Star Wars is completely factual." -- socksandshots
"A friend told me their parents would take them to 'the toy museu' aka FAO Schwartz, and nothing is for sale there, they just display the toys." -- primalscream
"Sounds similar to the 'music truck' my parents told me about. No ice cream here!" -- Stormmonger
A Two Step Trick
"My mom told me that she could always tell when I was lying because my ears would turn red. Years later, I realized my ears didn't turn red but walking up to her with my ears covered with my hands likely gave me away."
"I use it on my daughters now and it still works!"
"I asked my dad where babies came from. He told me that he found me and my sisters in my mom's cabbages. All he had to do was flip over the leaves and he saw our faces and pulled us out."
"My sisters and I spent hours looking for new babies."
Hands Off the Lights!
"There's a 5cent charge every time we touch the light switch so my brother and I were costing them a fortune every time we played with flickering the lights." -- Goldofsunshine
"lol my mum said millions of bugs would crawl out of the switch :(" -- muntanasaurus
"My dad has ridiculous cold tolerance. He's the kind of guy that will be out in shorts and a t-shirt when it's 36 °F outside. When I was six, I asked him how he was able to stand it, and he told me he just absorbed heat all summer long and stored it for the winter."
"He worked outdoors all summer, so it made perfect sense to six year old me."
So maybe you're a new parent. Take some notes on these. They just might get you out of a jam one day.
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I love money, and I love to spend it. But I also love to be frugal and economic in my spending choices. I am always shocked to see how some people will just throw money about like it's water. (And we shouldn't be wasteful with that either!) Whether you have an abundance of it or not, you might want to rethink a couple of choices. Like ten grand for socks? Really?
Redditor u/Bxtweentheligxts wanted to hear about the most outrageous ways people throw around money by asking... What's the most overpriced item you seen someone actually buy?
In New York City there is a restaurant, I believe it's "Serendipity." It's a city must see and a lifestyle staple. They're famous for their desserts and a special hot cocoa but they also have what is said to be one of the world's "best" ice cream sundaes, that goes for a measly... $1000. Sounds like a steal. From your pocket! And anyone who buys it really should reflect on their life choices.
Chips Away...GIF by The Good PlaceGiphy
I once sold a classmate a bag of chips for $20. I was working a snack sale at school where we sold cups full of chips.
We figured we could get about 20 cups for $1 each out of a bag, so we charged $20 for the bag and she actually bought it. The bag of chips itself couldn't have been worth more than maybe $3 or $4 dollars.
Gencon is a big board gaming convention in Indianapolis every year. "The 4 best days in gaming!"
One of the booths sell mystery boxes. The most expensive one was like $200, so my friend bought it. It was filled with junk. A crappy Pikachu mug, a couple of anime pictures, a blanket, and a couple of other small decorative statues of characters that we didn't recognize.
Then, he had to carry that huge box all the way around the con for the next 4-5 hours until we went back to the car.
That's been 5-6 years ago and we still give him crap for that.
When I was in 8th grade, I needed a microphone to play with friends online and the school art show was coming up. Parents can bid on certain pieces they like but usually only the best of the best get bids. I put a crappy looking clay mug for a starting bid of $25. Turns out someone bought it... my mom did. Was nice microphone.
Pop!Feelin Myself Jennifer Lopez GIF by HustlersGiphy
A bottle of champagne at a strip club.
OMG Me Too!
A lady in front of me in line at Kohl's once paid full price for a shirt.
Last time I bought something at Kohl's they aggressively talked me into buying it on a store credit card for 15% off which I then had to go home and cancel. Now I'm too embarrassed to go back to kohl's because I'm scared they'll just make me get another one.
Yeah see, no. All of those things can be bought on sale or at a bargain store. And champagne at a strip club? How can be just be so willing to spend? It's like an addiction. Let's continue...
You mean Diapers?
Designer underwear for toddlers, i mean really they fit them what 4 weeks? Sure they need 60 bucks a piece panties why not.
Just keep an eye on local classifieds, or family and friends with older kids. My brother has two sons that are older than my kid and my sister-in-law always wanted her kids to have "the best", so my kid has more high-quality hand-me-down clothes than he knows what to do with.
I'll Take a Bud
A $15 Coors light at a festival.
I will raise your beer at the ball game with wine at the opera.
The cashier said $15. I was a little surprised it was that low. Because I am not a fool who would let some student take the fall for an honest mistake, I asked if he was sure. Yep, completely rang it up wrong. $46 dollars later I declare that this is properly inflated prices I was expecting.
Light CatcherHappy Joy GIF by The WeekndGiphy
A $15,000 triangular crystal, "sculpture," that would capture light and cast a rainbow on the room.
My own painting.
One foot square, made in 10 minutes with a palette knife. It started as simply a place to scrape leftover paint off my knife Then I squished a couple blobs of color on it and spread it around improv style. Seriously, 10 minutes tops. When I turned it upside down, it happened to resemble an object/scene.
Apparently it really struck a nerve with someone I know, a visceral response each time he views it. I tried to gift it to him twice, but he insisted on paying $500 for it. It's the highest per-hour income, and highest priced artwork, I've ever made.
It's all so random.
Hammersurprised hammer GIFGiphy
In fourth grade, while visiting the local museum, my friend paid $15 for a piece of sandstone with the word "hammer" written on it in marker. It was supposed to be a Native American hammer, but of course it'd just crumble if actually hit against anything.
What have we learned? No matter how much money you have... there is always ways to have more, through thrifty deal making. So much waste on this thread. And never NEVER buy drinks at entertainment venues. Unless you're gonna skip rent that month. LOL
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Living in New York City, I see a lot of things that a lot of people elsewhere might not remotely think about. Things like... pigeons that know to hop onto the train at 14th Street only to disembark at Fulton Street. Things like... grown men fighting in the street over the color of an umbrella. Things like... Subway "showtime" dancers who dropkick other passengers and initiate a fight as we're careening through the tunnel. You know, the usual.
After Redditor True_Madness asked the online community, "What's your 'Well, you don't see that everyday' story?" people told us about the odd, quirky instances they've stumbled upon.
"The second train pulls into the station..."
On vacation in London, my wife and I were waiting for a train in a tube station. Two trains arrived at the station before ours showed up. As a native New Yorker, I was comforted to see that pigeons live in subway stations everywhere.
The first train pulls into the station and the doors open. As people enter and exit the train, one pigeon flutters down from the ceiling, lands on the platform, and calmly walks onto the train like he's off to work or something. My wife and I laugh about this a little as the doors closed and the train pulls away from the station.
The second train pulls into the station, the doors open, and people shuffle out. After a moment a different pigeon walks out of this train and then flutters up to the spot vacated by the first pigeon.
Anyway, seems like London pigeons have the tube pretty much figured out.
What'd I tell you?
"I helped a German guy..."
I helped a German guy at CVS jump his car and to thank me he gave me a fancy bottle of shampoo.
"A big ass old ceramic tub..."
A big old ceramic tub flew off a flatbed truck and exploded into a million pieces on the interstate.
That sounds dangerous.
Beats the silly bouncing logs in Final Destination 2, though.
"While jogging slowly..."
While jogging slowly up a steep hill, I got cheered on by the driver of the Oscar Meyer Wienermobile.
You're not a loser, you're a weiner!
Sorry, couldn't resist.
"I had just pulled out..."
I had just pulled out of my office parking lot when a lady hit my rear passenger side with her SUV as she pulled out of a rail station parking lot. Ugh. So we both pulled over at the Taco Cabana to do the typical fender bender rigamarole, but to my surprise, a pick-up truck followed behind us. I don't think too much of it and get out to exchange info. As I approach her car, I notice she's avoiding my gaze completely. I'm standing there knocking on her window like wtf lady? And then a man gets out of the aforementioned truck.
He demands to know what happened, and why I hit her, to which I retort, excuse me but who are you?! And she hit ME are you joking or are you blind? I'm growing more livid by the second because I just want to go home.
Out of nowhere, a van with a local Mexican restaurant's branding pulls up, and ANOTHER man gets out and starts yelling at the pick-up truck man. They seem to know each other. The woman in the SUV now LOCKS her door (I heard her power locks). I turn back to address the van man and he's arguing with the pick-up truck man. A security guard from the neighboring rail station is walking over and as I'm flagging him over for help, van man HEAD BUTTS pick up truck man. Full on. I'm in total disbelief and now the security guard is frantically running and jumps a hedge of bushes lmao. He comes and breaks up the fight. I'm not sure why but it was only at this point that I feared for my safety but I was also now deeply invested in this drama that was unfolding.
It turns out the woman who hit me was having an affair with the pick-up truck man and they were having a rendezvous at the rail station parking lot. Van man is her husband, and he had just caught them in the act. The worst part is their teenage son was with him. Van man is practically giddy telling me to contact him at all if I need a witness to the accident get my car fixed, presumably so she can get slammed with a hefty fine or premium or whatever.
So yeah, you just don't see a grown man headbutt another grown man in a Taco Cabana parking lot every day.
"A bride in her wedding gown..."
A bride in her wedding gown running in the train station being chased by two women holding the train of her dress.
Paging Julia Roberts...
...is this the sequel to Runaway Bride we've been waiting for?
"I once saw a squirrel..."
I once saw a squirrel carrying an entire pomegranate around a cemetery.
"Watched a guy..."
Watched a guy on a quad drop his hat, look back and decide to leave it behind. About 2 minutes later, some guy in a tan car drives up, swerves around it, stops, leans out of the car, picks up the hat, puts it on, and then just drive away like nothing happened.
"Neutering a dog..."
Neutering a dog the other day, he appeared to be a cryptorchid - that is, one normal testicle, and one not descended, retained somewhere in the abdomen. Well, we can still neuter these - in fact, it's even more important to do so, since the retained one can later develop cancer if left behind - so, into the abdomen I went, looking for that retained testicle, which I was expecting to find somewhere between the kidney and inguinal ring.
Found a uterus.
"I saw a dude..."
I saw a dude absolutely BOMBING a hill on a skateboard, joint in hand, and a crossbow on his back. Not like a little one. Like a medieval reenactment crossbow used for storming the gates of Helms Deep.
If you remain observant...
...you'll see all sorts of interesting things happening. I always seem to find something cool to take notice of.
Have some stories of your own? Feel free to tell us about them in the comments section below!
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Years ago, I had the pleasure of meeting a gentleman who had spent a few years in prison. He was remarkably kind and open about his experience, particularly about the support he had on the inside that he had thus far been unable to replicate on the outside. It was hard not to reflect on that, the immensity of that privilege.
After Redditor Rizkozrout asked the online community, "Ex-convicts of Reddit, what is your most pleasant prison memory?" people shared their stories and opened our eyes even further.
"About 15 years ago..."
About 15 years ago when I was released from prison, I had nothing to my name, only my $40 gate fee. A dear friend of mine on the inside made sure I had clothes, shoes, and a job to go to. Harold, if you're out there, love you, bro.
"Over the following weeks..."
I spent a little over a decade in prison, from the early 90s to the early 2000s.
In the state where I did my time, all of us had to work a semblance of a job inside the compound (kitchen, inside grounds, maintenance, painting, cleaning, etc.). Being in a program of any kind, including education, counted as having a job (and thus had waiting lists to get into). Programs also needed better-educated inmates to work there as clerks and tutors, and these were the sorts of jobs that the smart inmates tended to gravitate towards (involving more hours than a menial job, but cleaner and less distasteful). Often it meant we had access to older computer hardware (no Internet or anything, though).
PC video games occasionally made their way onto the compound, usually brought in by one or another of the freeworlders (i.e. prison workers who were not guards) who had a soft spot for his clerks. My boss in the education classroom where I worked was like this, though he had something of a policy that the only games he would bring in would be education, strategy, or puzzle-oriented - such that if he ever got asked about it, he could say that it was a critical thinking tool that was part of his teaching curriculum.
The happiest day of my prison life was the day that he brought in Myst. I had read articles about it and wanted to play it someday, but never imagined that I'd get to play it before I got out. It was an absolutely groundbreaking game for its time, with beautiful graphics, soothing music, imaginative puzzles, and an intriguing storyline. I had never seen anything like it; the articles/reviews didn't do it justice!
Over the following weeks, I would lose myself in that world for maybe an hour a day, living out an alternate life in a beautiful and magical world so far removed from the horrible reality of my current existence. I was disappointed when it was all finally over... though in a way it led to my second-happiest prison memory, which was the day (a year later) when he brought in Riven: The Sequel to Myst.
Video games can provide an excellent escape...
...and quite a few video games can spur your critical thinking. I can confirm that Myst is excellent.
"It was a low-security prison farm..."
I wasn't your usual inmate. I was in for a truck accident where someone died. First ever offence, no violence, didn't take drugs, very rarely even drank alcohol, never committed a crime in my life. So I was a polar opposite to pretty much everyone in there.
It was a low-security prison farm, and one day I decided to walk along the boundary fence to the library. Going on the wrong side of the fence technically meant that you escaped, so it was watched... As I'm casually wandering along, two guards drove up and told me to get into the car. They took me for a strip search and demanded to know why I was on the other side of the fence. I wasn't. I asked them if they had cameras, and they said yes, so I told them to double-check the footage because I'm not a nitwit trying to escape. They checked, and let me go.
Everyone in the prison wanted details on what happened. I was a minor celebrity for the afternoon, and I had a bit of respect amongst the other inmates because even someone as straight as me copped shit from the screws.
"This kid in my pod..."
This kid in my pod was being transferred to another prison located clear across the state.. he had no clue why they were moving him.
He started crying uncontrollably, which you would think is the last thing you'd wanna do in jail/prison.
All of the inmates in my pod immediately went to console him. He was hugged and made to feel as comfortable as possible.
A heartwarming moment.
It's important to remember that prisoners are people, too.
"I was in solitary..."
I was in solitary for three months and they allowed cd players there. I had only one disc - DMX, Ruff Riders. I listened to it endlessly and somehow it inspired me to write something, too. I started with rhymes and short poetry and 15 years later I own a copywriting agency and writing makes me a living. Peace DMX, inspiring me for change!
DMX would have no doubt appreciated this.Through their work, artists have the ability to make us question and challenge our own lives.
"It was amazing."
Late to the game here, but I did time at Maine Correctional Center for Women. I had some of the best laughs, most questionable food, and met some of the strongest women I'll ever meet in there.
My favorite memory was coming 'home' (back to the center) from work release and our taxi driver asked if we could keep a secret. Four girls all doing bids because we didn't roll on our codefendants. Yes, sir, we can.
He stopped and bought us all banana splits on the ride home. It was amazing.
For me, the best feeling is every time that you are placed on a new unit, or transferred to a new jail/prison, and you see some people that you know and are good with as soon as you get there. Landing on a unit where you know nobody, especially if you aren't from the area and have no mutual friends/acquaintances with anybody is the exact opposite of a pleasant feeling. With nobody to vouch for you, it's going to end up in an altercation half of the time, and the other half it takes a while before people will be comfortable socializing with you due to lack of trust.
"I don't know..."
I don't know if I would say pleasant, but I will say there was a weird comradery and mutual understanding amongst most of the inmates that I've never felt again in the outside world.
"It was so refreshing..."
I would say seeing my son but no child should have to see their parent in prison. So I would say the Friday Buddhist meditation sessions we would have. It was so refreshing to sit with a group and quiet our minds and sit in stillness.
Speak to some former prisoners sometime.
You might learn something valuable. Prison is not what you might see on television; I daresay television shows give us the idea that everyone in prison is out to get each other, but that is far from the truth.
Have some of your own stories to share? Feel free to tell us about them in the comments below!
Price and quality don't necessarily correlate.
You can pay an arm and a leg to come home with a piece of junk that craps out after only a couple weeks.
But, thankfully, sometimes you only spend a few bucks--or nothing at all--on something that turns out to last forever and even go on to occupy a special place in your heart.
Truly, sometimes the most inexpensive items hold the highest value.
Some Redditors describe their most cherished possessions that didn't break the bank.
String_Variable asked, "Whats the coolest thing you own that ISNT expensive?"
Some opted to highlight the objects in their lives that draw their value from the backstory behind them. The origins of these items bolster them with meaning and value unmatched anywhere else.
A Parting Token
"A poem book that I got recently. It's called Años maduros And it was part of a competition for poets that never got the chance."
"My dad passed from cancer when I was six and he died before knowing if he won. He did. And his poem was dedicated to me."
A Well-Traveled Watch
"When my great-grandfather died about 30 years ago, the only thing he willed to anyone in particular was his watch, which he gave to me, his oldest great-grandchild."
"It's not a fancy watch, just a working-man's Bulova wind-up, but it was gifted to him by his (notoriously stingy) father-in-law in the early '70s. It still keeps perfect time."
"I work at NASA and managed to get it flown on a Space Shuttle mission."
The Knife That Keeps on Giving
"I have a family owned machete, I don't know much about it. I asked my father where did it come from and all he remembers was getting it from his dad."
"He tried getting it back, but I told him I use it to cut coconuts open.....haha"
From a Wonderful Day
"An old pirate cap gun. My most prized possession. Given to me when I was 11 by an older sibling after she visited Disney World via make a wish."
"The following year she passed away."
Others chose to describe the random items they've grown attached to. These were often acquired during travel, or from some stranger.
But they all share a common theme: they were something simple that the owner never knew they wanted.
"When I visited the Dead Sea, I found a string that had been tied into a loop, that had a lot of salt stuck to it, so it looks like a necklace made of salt."
"It might not sound like much but I thought it was a pretty unique souvenir."
Right Place, Right Time
"A kepi blank (the classic white hat of the French Foreign Legion) given to me by a person in the process of deserting. I was on a train when this giant guy tells me that he just deserted from the Legion.
"He said 'don't believe me? Here's my uniform' and opened up his duffel bag. I said 'Cool! How much for the hat?' to which he replied 'I don't need it anymore -- here' and handed it over."
"It's my favorite hat from my collection."
Bent Into Shape
"A guy made my name out of a wire coat hangar."
"Was just waiting in line at the store one day and he said he did it has a hobby, pulled out a coat hangar and twisted it until it spelled my name in cursive. It's part of my key ring now."
And some people discussed the useful items they purchased long ago, and have enjoyed for years since. These items were simply well made, so they've stood the taste of time.
"My early 2000's Toyota Corolla."
"It's definitely seen better days but it has this 'never die' attitude that I love. When I bought it, I paid 14k dollars. It's probably worth a couple hundred dollars now. It has 250k + miles on it and it still keeps going. Never had to replace anything, except tires."
"The paint is chipped, there's a bunch of dings and dents and rust spots. The air conditioning doesn't work and the CD player is busted."
"But it starts every time with zero lag, it never complains, and has been my trusty steed. Sure, I've had other cars since then that are still around. But my Corolla, though it might not be cool to some, it's definitely a trusty bucket of rust and bolts that is way beyond cool to me."
More of These!
"I have woman jeans with huge pockets. They're the greatest thing ever." -- ScrewTheCouncil
"That's a national treasure. Keep it safe" -- 2baverage
"I don't know why this is still a thing. Is there a massive silent majority of woman that actually like having no pockets?" -- sometimes_interested
"Fun fact: anyone with a little DIY streak can make their own large pockets! I sewed pockets so big I can fit my nintendo switch in my sweats!!! :D" -- catfart-
Stylish and Functional
"I bought a bucket hat for $10 last spring. On the inside of the hat there's a small velcro pocket. It's big enough to put like cash and your ID and a credit card in."
"It keeps the sun out of my eyes and off my neck/ears, I look sexy AF in it, and I have a secret pocket. What more could you want for $10?"
I'll bet you have at least one object that fits the bill. It's a nice activity to sit down with the item, actually hold it, and reflect on the long, winding road it took to become yours and stay yours for as long as it has.