As a teacher, you have to maintain some level of composure in front of your students in order to gain their respect. But students say the darnedest things taking everything in the teacher's power not to break. Here are some outrageously funny things teachers shouldn't have laughed at.
1/27. Last year, my classroom carpet had the alphabet border around the edges. One of my students, Demetrius, liked to sit on the letter D because it was the first letter of his name. One day, Zaria sits on the letter D. Demetrius gets in her face and yells, "Zaria! Get off my D!" I lost it.
2/27. My friend was subbing in a high school class. The teacher had left some work and the kids all had these sheets they had to fill out. One kid (let's call him Jimmy), who was overweight, was bringing his filled out sheet to the teacher's desk when another female student (think Mean Girls) asked out loud: "Jimmy... why are you so FAT!?" Before my friend could say something, Jimmy replied with:
"You want to know why I'm so fat? Because every time I see your mother, she gives me a cookie and tells me she wishes I were her kid instead of you."
My friend had to leave the room so as not to laugh. Everybody lost it and apparently the girl even apologized because Jimmy's comeback was too good.
3/27. When reading Hamlet with the class, after Ophelia's line about Hamlet, "To speak of horrorshe comes before me," a kid said, "Hamlet, get it together, man." I cracked up. The other kids didn't get it luckily.
4/27. I confiscated a balloon from a kid one day, because he was making that really loud squeaky noise with it. Two minutes later I looked over and he had another balloon. A blue one this time. Took that one too. Next time I turned my head he pulled out another one. Red. Took it.
This went on for another two minutes or so, which counted another three balloons. I finally asked him how much longer this was going to go on, to which he just kinda shrugged his shoulders.
"Well, how many more balloons do you have?" I asked him.
"I dunno, couple?" he said, as he opened his backpack.
His backpack was literally full of balloons. There were at least a couple hundred in there. No books, no pencils, no spare room for anything else, save for the five or six balloons that I had confiscated a few minutes prior. There were four or five pockets on the bag that I asked him to empty, which were all filled with balloons as well.
All in all, the kid was very dedicated to the gag, so I told him that if he promised to do the same thing to another particular teacher, he could get them back at the end of the class.
More hilarious stories teachers weren't supposed to laugh at on next page!
5/27. When I was in grade 1, I was some seriously hot stuff. I knew my times tables up to 12, was picked first for dodgeball and everyone wanted to trade their lunch with me. I had it going on.
Now, one day, we're all assigned to write a small story to share with everyone at the end of the day. Most kids haul out a sheet of looseleaf and a pencil, one kid's in the back eating glue, but me? I've decided to write a monster of an epic tale, the likes of which Tolkien himself would be proud. I haul out not one, but FOUR sheets of looseleaf, but then I had an even better idea : if I fold the sheets in half twice, I can snip the top edge and have an EIGHT PAGE BOOK. That thang is gonna have a picture on the cover with MY name on it as the author. Aw yeah, I was gonna be making it RAIN smiley stickers.
So I labour away creating a fantastic novella about three little ducks. I've got a story, a villain, and a picture on every page... And did the fact that I couldn't find my yellow crayon stop me? Hell no - I updated my working title to "Three naked ducks" and coloured them peach.
I turn in my book and go crack a juice box with my buddy simon.
Finally, at the end of the day my teacher, Mrs. Davis, calls me to the front of the room to privately discuss my masterpiece - "yes!" I think, "this is it kid, you're moving up to the big leagues" and practically skip to the front of the room.
Mrs. Davis looks me right in the eye, face flushed and strained, with tears in her eyes and says,
" 'Duck' is spelt with a 'u', not an 'i' "
6/27. Teacher hears a girl's phone vibrating in her purse and says "I hope that is a phone." Teacher walks another two steps and realizes what she just said. Class erupts in laughter.
7/27. One of my preschoolers said, "I love you Miss Amiso, but I'm too old for you."
Apparently a five year old is too old for me...
8/27. One time a kid twisted another kids nipple as he raised his hand to answer a question.
9/27. This year, we were talking about our families. Dads were a difficult subject of discussion last year because I taught in a neighborhood in which most students didn't have dads, or if they did, they were in jail. Students would shout out things like, "My dad sells drugs!" or "My dad yells at my mom!" in this oddly excited voice because they didn't have filters yet & were just happy to have a chance to share. This year, most of my students have more traditional families. The other day, one of them shouted out, "My dad snores when he sleeps!" & another student responded with, "My dad sleeps naked!" Hilarious.
Now, I can't look at that dad without blushing.
More stories of teachers trying to keep their composure in front of their students on the next page!
10/27. My friends wife is a high school music teacher, and she told me a story.
She went into class and was getting set up, when she sees this kid take his trombone and place it between his legs and slid the slide out going "Look, I got a tromboner."
She said it was very difficult to discipline him while not laughing her butt off.
11/27. I teach undergrad courses. I caught a student that had plagiarized a few paragraphs in one of her papers. I asked her to stay after lecture and sat her down, asking if she had plagiarized her paper. Her eyes got huge, she welled up and then she said, "I did! I'm so sorry! I was so tired and had so much work and my roommate told me to do it and said you would never find out." Then with the most serious expression she whispered, "And, I know now she's the devil!"
I did not laugh even though I really wanted to.
12/27. My friend is standing at the front of the room as class is about to begin. The student comes barging in the room and basically yells at my friend, "MR G.!! I DON'T NEED YOUR QUESTIONS, I JUST NEED ANSWERS.....CAN I GO TO THE BATHROOM!?" My friend was somewhat stunned, then as he was holding back laughter, he said "Sure..."
13/27. My friend is walking down the hallway headed to his classroom as the bell has just run. The hallway is basically empty, except for one student. He's standing at his locker with his backpack right in front of it. My friend walks over and says to the student "Hey, you need to get to class" to which the kid responds "I'm headed there in a second Mr. G." My friend sees him messing with his backpack and being secretive. Fearing he may have something (drugs, weapon, etc), he asks him what he's doing.
The kid pulls his hands out of his locker and is holding... two small turtles.
14/27. I taught daycare for four years. My favorite was when a four-year-old would curse. It usually went like this:
"Sh*t" "Jack said, 'sh*t.'" "Ms. Fickvitch, they said 'sh*t.'" "Who said 'sh*t'?" "My dad says you can't say 'sh*t'." "My dad says 'sh*t' all the time."
15/27. I was a student when this happened, but a friend accidentally said "Octopuses have 8 testicles" instead of "8 tentacles" when reading in a science class. The teacher was having a VERY hard time holding back laughter.
More outrageous student comments that had teachers trying not to laugh on the next page!
16/27. My wife is an elementary art teacher, which basically means constant stories.
My favorite is from a time when kindergarteners were playing with Play-Doh. Class was ending, and one little fella was just standing there, looking down. Wife checks to make sure he's okay, he turns around, showing the little Play-Doh snake he's holding to his crotch and says, "Look! It's a wiener!"
17/27. Our aunt teaches kindergarten. Often, kids are exposed to swearing and profanity at a young age. One time, she asked her students to sit "Criss-cross Applesauce" and one kid wasn't paying attention. His friend next to him whispered, "Hey, criss-cross applesauce motherf*cker!"
Needless to say, my aunt couldn't contain her laughter and had to leave the room for a minute.
18/27. There were three kids that were friends, but ones who, in a high school fashion, enjoyed ribbing on one of the friends as often as possible.
The bell rings, the Ribbed-on-One (R.o.O.) gets to the table first, and has his hood up on his hoodie. Not sure why - I have never understood it, I feel like it restricts my vision. Regardless, there he is, sitting at a table, with his hood up.
The two friends come in through the door and see him. I think they had this planned for a while, because what's next was a shared look and two students jumping into action.
They walk across the room to the table. One pokes R.o.O from behind in the side, and then begins to tickle him.R.o.O leans forward in response, and tries to swat the hands away.
The other friend comes from the side, closest to me, and takes the strings of his hood and yanks them - completely closing the hood. While R.o.O. is still being tickled by the first guy, the second one ties the string to a leg of the table that they sat at.
So, R.o.O is flailing his arms around wildly, while trapped in the hood of his hoodie and tied face-down to the table.
It was over in less than 10 seconds. It was amazing. Probably one of the most beautiful things I have ever seen.
19/27. I'm in the front of the classroom talking about stoichiometry and balancing reactions. Out of the corner of my eye I see two girls talking to each other and not paying attention to me. The rest of the class was though, so I didn't want to pause the class just to get their attention. I sort of ignore them for the duration of the lecture and keep observing them out of the corner of my eye, waiting for them to look over at me.
One girl shows the other girl her palms like they're about to give each other a double high five while the other was visibly nodding her head in agreement. The second girl then begins to cup her own boobs and then the first girl says something like: "WOW, you're right!" and she moves her hands to the other girl's chest.
(story continued on the next page...)
More hilarious stories on the next page!
At this point I finally catch their eyes and I mouth the words: "WHAT THE F*CK" to them. They immediately sit up straight and they pay attention for the rest of the lesson.
During individual study time I go up to the two of them, and was about to tell them how inappropriate their actions were, especially when surrounded by teenage boys who'd get a raging boner from well...anything. As I'm walking up to them, they take a look at me, look down at my hands, and then begin to freak out and saying: "oh my god" repeatedly. With no advance warning, they then grab my hands and do they whole hand size comparison thing. I'm a lanky six and a half foot tall man with pretty large features. I can palm a basketball.
They then begin explaining how they were talking about how big their hands (or boyfriend's hands) had to be to fully cover their boobs. Not wanting to hear more, I start shaking my head incredulously (what the f*ck?) and begin walking away. Their last remark to me was: "You can get any girl you want with those hands, Mr. Bigtcm!"
Took a ton of willpower not to turn around and smirk.
20/27. I was teaching English to a class of primary school kids. I was teaching them plurals by showing them a slideshow of cartoon monsters ('It has three eyes', 'It has four legs' etc) and getting them to tell me how many limbs and stuff each monster had. One little kid, five years old, got really into it and on one monster shoots his hand in the air and comes out with 'It has one... ANUS!'
I was speechless for a second so he jumped up on his chair, backwards, bends over and starts pointing to his arse shouting 'NO TEACHER! ANUS! IT'S ANUS!'
21/27. Not my story, but my little brother's. When he was in 1st grade, he told his teacher a joke:
Bro: Why did Captain Hook die?
Teacher: I don't know, why?
Bro: Because he wiped with the wrong hand!
Apparently she had to step out of the room for several minutes so she wouldn't be seen laughing at his joke.
22/27. I was a teacher's aide in a third grade classroom. It was the last day of school before Spring break and all the kids were so excited, it's a big party day. We had pizza, watched the muppets movie, and all the kids brought gifts or dessert foods for everyone else. One kid wanted to make personalized bookmarks for the rest of the class. He decided to look around his dad's work place to find something he could use.
In the trashcan there were a bunch of long strips of cardboard. The only thing was the cardboard came from cigarette cartons and his dad worked at a liquor store. So on one side there was a kid's name and cute pictures, on the other was blatant advertising for Marlboro, Pall Mall, Camel, you name it. It was so hard to not laugh when he came up to me and excitedly show them to me. This was my first time working in a classroom and I had no idea what to do, the teacher ended up having me take them to the supply room and laminate them with construction paper covering the other side. We told the kid it would help them last longer.
His bookmarks were everyones favorite gift.
Mine still has the Al Capone logo on the back though.
More hilarious stories on the next page!
23/27. (student waiting late after rehearsal)
Kid calls home: "Hey can you tell mom to pick me up? Oh, she's in the shower... what about dad? He's in the shower too... ?"
Turns to teacher: "It's going to be awhile Mr. M"
24/27. A girl, trying to prove she was worthy of getting into an Advanced Placement Lit class asked me of an essay: "Is it good?! Did I show you my AP-ness?!" (Say it out loud)
25/27. Grade 11, reading Romeo & Juliet aloud.
There's a line at the beginning where a character says "Bring me my long sword, ho!"
My friend got the inflection on the "ho!" completely wrong. He said it with such enthusiasm too, it was hilarious. Our teacher smirked.
26/27. I had a student who had extreme test anxiety. Every time we went to take a test he would throw up. After vomiting he would be fine, but he had to spew everywhere first for stress reduction or something.
I would seat him next to the bathroom and provide a bucket. Now this worked on normal days but during our state testing he would not be able to go to the restroom unless I first called an administrator to escort him.
On the big testing day we practiced breathing techniques, I had a handy vomit bucket for him and we were ready to go. After ten minutes he sure enough looked like he was going to be sick. Except he forgot about the bucket.
He vomits and then tried to hold it in his mouth. He shoved his puke back in his mouth, swallowed and smiled at me and gave me a thumbs-up.
Horrified, yet simultaneously holding back laughter I gave him wipes and a bunch of mints.
The kid did great on the test in the end.
27/27. From when I was teaching preschool:
"You have blue eyes like my mommy, but her tatas are HUGE!"
Uh, thanks, kid.
Have you ever been reading a book, watching a movie, or even sitting down for a fantastical cartoon and began to salivate when the characters dig into some doozy of a made up food?
You're not alone.
Food is apparently fertile ground for creativity. Authors, movie directors, and animators all can't help but put a little extra time and effort into the process of making characters' tasty delights mouthwatering even for audiences on the other side of the screen.
Read on for a perfect mixture of nostalgia and hunger.
AllWhammyNoMorals asked, "What's a fictional food you've always wanted to try?"
Some people were all about the magical foods eaten in the magical places. They couldn't help but wish they could bite into something with fantastical properties and unearthly deliciousness.
"Enchanted golden apple" -- DabbingIsSo2015
"The Minecraft eating sounds make me hungry" -- FishingHobo
"Gotta love that health regeneration" -- r2celjazz
"Pretty sure those are based off the golden apples that grant immortality. Norse mythology I think?" -- Raven_of_Blades
Take Your Pick
"Nearly any food from Charlie and the Chocolate factory" -- CrimsonFox100
"Came here to say snozzberries!" -- Utah_Writer
"Everlasting Gobstoppers #1, but also when they're free to roam near the chocolate river and the entire environment is edible." -- devo9er
"Lembas" -- Roxwords
"The one that fills you with just a bite? My fat a** would be making sandwiches with two lembas breads and putting bacon, avocado and cheese inside. Then probably go for some dessert afterwards. No wonder why those elves are all skinny, eating just one measly bite of this stuff." -- sushister
Some people got stuck on the foods they saw in the cartoons they watched growing up. The vibrant colors, the artistic sounds, and the exaggerated movements all come together to form some good-looking fake grub.
The One and Only
"Krabby patty 🍔" -- Cat_xox
"And a kelp shake" -- titsclitsntennerbits
"As a kid I always pretended burgers from McDonalds were Krabby Patties, heck from time to time I still do for the nostalgia of it all. Many of my friends did the same thing." -- Thisissuchadragtodo
"The pizza from an extremely goofy movie. The stringy cheese just looked magical lol" -- ES_Verified
"The pizza in the old TMNT cartoon as well." -- gate_of_steiner85
"Only bested by the pizza from All Dogs Go to Heaven." -- Purdaddy
Get a Big Old Chunk
"Those giant turkey drumsticks in old cartoons that characters would tear huge chunks out of. Those things looked amazing, turkey drumsticks in real life suck and are annoying to eat."
Slurp, Slurp, Slurp
"Every bowl of ramen on any anime, ever." -- Cat_xox
"Studio Ghibli eggs and bacon" -- DrManhattan_DDM
"Honestly, any food in anime. I swear to god half the budget no matter what the studio goes into making the food look absolutely delicious." -- Viridun
Finally, some highlighted the things that aren't quite so far-fetched, but still far enough away that it's nothing we'll be eating anytime soon.
That tease can be enough to make your mouth water.
What's In It??
"Butter beer" -- Damn_Dog_Inappropes
"came here to say this. i was pretty disappointed with the universal studio version which was over the top sweet. it was more of a butterscotch root beer. i imagine butter beer to be something more like butter and beer, which wouldn't be crazy sweet, but would have a very deep rich flavor" -- crazyskiingsloth
Slice of the Future
"The microwave pizzas in back to the future two" -- biggiemick91
"I've been fascinated with those for years! They just look so good!" -- skoros
As Sweet As They Had
"The Turkish Delight from Lion Witch & Wardrobe. The real ones I had weren't bad but nothing special." -- spoon_shaped_spoon
"Came here to say this. I know it's a real thing, but I always imagined that it must have been amazing to betray your siblings over." -- la_yes
"You're used to freely available too sweet sweets. For a WW2 era schoolkid, it would have represented all the sweets for an entire year." -- ResponsibleLimeade
Here's hoping you made it through the list without going into kitchen for some snack you didn't actually need.
Want to "know" more? Never miss another big, odd, funny, or heartbreaking moment again. Sign up for the Knowable newsletter here.
When a movie rakes in a ton of cash at the box office, the studio that made it has only one thing on its mind: "How do we keep shaking this money tree?"
Unfortunately, that means they make sequels, sometimes sequels on sequels on sequels.
At times, the sequels are solid. They tie nicely into the first film, emphasizing the qualities that brought folks out to the first one, while immersing them into that world for another great couple of hours.
But sometimes, it's wildly clear that the longterm planning behind a sequel was minimal at best. These part two's are truly terrible experiences, made even more disappointing by the excitement created by everyone's love for the first.
Some Redditors shared the worst examples.
Sullivans97 asked, "What is the worst movie sequel ever?"
Plenty of contributions to the thread were noteworthy simply because the Redditors' deep hatred for a sequel spurred them to write a very entertaining review.
"Son of the Mask. Worst sequel. Worst movie. Worst piece of entertainment. Worst experience to sit through as a human being."
Oddly Specific Analogy
"Independence Day: Resurgence."
"What the fu** was that giant heap of steaming camel sh**?"
Two Key Elements
"The plot is mostly driven by Mushu acting like a real piece of sh**, and Shang gets turned into the butt monkey of the movie as a consequence."
"Vastly inferior to the first one."
Just Horrible Decisions Every Step of the Way
"Where is Speed 2?"
"Speeding cruise ship (Zzzzzzz)"
"WTF were they thinking?"
Other people chose to discuss the sequels that, for whatever reason, chose not to include the key attributes that made the first movie so good.
Whether it was the absence of character, actor, or overarching theme, the experience was as puzzling as it was frustrating.
Insert Muscle Here
"Kindergarten Cop 2. Yes it does exist and it is a bad as it sounds. Dolph Lundgren takes over the role of Schwarzenegger." -- TheBassMeister
"Bro, don't be such a jabroni. Imagine, a super ripped, super smart cop-in a mesh tank top-named officer Dolph Lundgren." -- why_not_fandy
"Ugh wtf the movie was great why make another one" -- c_girl_108
"American Psycho 2. It wasn't even originally intended to be a sequel, they just shoved the name on it and added loose references to Patrick Bateman. Awful." -- Mountain_Situation89
"Mila kunas who is in it was told it was a different name and was pissed when they ended up making it a 'sequel' " -- Imfrank123
"Yea, that's the thing. The movie would have been a decent film if it was just a serial killer film and not an AP sequel." -- JennyBean2000
"It had some okay parts, but what they did to Justin Long's character completely undercuts the meaning of the first movie. And no Ryan Reynolds."
Last, some people realized that any film franchise that goes beyond two installments is just asking for things to go downhill in a hurry.
Once you cross three--and even four--your just too far from the source.
What Even Is Home Alone 5?
"Home Alone 3, 4, and 5" -- theWet_Bandits
"I honestly enjoyed 3, sure it made no sense at all, but I can look past that and really enjoyed it. 4 and 5 on the other hand, I barely remember what 4 was about and had completely forgotten that 5 existed until just now." -- botbattler30
End of the Mummy Era
"The third Mummy movie." -- goshawkgirl
"Fun fact: The trailer for Mummy 3 has Brendan Fraser saying "here we go again" and Ben Stiller thought that line was ironically hilarious in terms of cranking out soulless sequels and it inspired the 'here we go again....again' line in the fake trailers at the beginning of Tropic Thunder." -- Call_Me_Koala
Part of the Reboot Frenzy
"Not to repeat others here (hopefully), but the 4th Indiana Jones movie should never have been made."
"For what it is worth, The odd numbers are great, the even numbers are terrible with the last one being one being Steven Segal bad."
So there you have it. A full list of movies to avoid at all costs no matter how bored you are flicking through Netflix lists.
Want to "know" more? Never miss another big, odd, funny, or heartbreaking moment again. Sign up for the Knowable newsletter here.
Oftentimes I like to do my best Ghostface impression and aggressively ask people what their favorite scary movies are. Because I personally have a lot! At the same time, I'm also terrified that at any point, I could end up getting my head punched off by Jason Vorhees (Part 8 of the series--best one IMO).
Real life contains the scariest horrors you could ask for. So aren't we all living in a horror movie, in a way? At least, these people sure freakin' were.
In the words of the legendary Mary Vivian Pierce in the film Pink Flamingos, “Murder merely relieves tension”. I’m sure the following Redditors felt differently.
Nothing scarier than the woods at night.
Went into a real deep woods hike for only the second time in my life.
My gps broke and had to rely on my compass. Got turned around a few times because I couldn't remember the direction I came from, and it was getting dark. Lost the trail way.
But the woods are weirdly silent in the dark and alone.
It was around 2am by the time I found the trailhead.
Darn foxes.the simpsons react GIFGiphy
My friend and I got lost late on one foggy night in the Italian countryside. There were rats all over and every once in a while we heard someone scream.
I've never been more sure I was about to get murdered than I was that night.
Could've also been a lynx, but they are much rarer in Italy.
At least she wasn’t speaking in tongues.
My mom is quite the sleep talker, but it's usually pretty short and incoherent when it happens. One night as a teenager, I woke up to her scream-yelling the Hail Mary prayer (my bedroom was across the house and upstairs).
Difficult to get back to sleep after that one.
Sometimes scary sh*t ends up just being funny coincidences. Super funny. Right?
Don’t give them any ideas.
I was exploring an abandoned mental asylum and then got the scare of my life when a scary looking person inside one of the rooms was just staring at me without moving. Turns out some joker had left a cardboard cutout there.
Don’t you hate when that happens?Evil Dead Horror GIF by Coolidge Corner TheatreGiphy
I was driving home on backcountry roads at midnight in heavy fog. Like can't see 10 feet in front of you thick. Suddenly I see an all-white silhouette running in front of the car. Every hair on my body stood up. I immediately think "oh god, oh f*ck, it's a f*cking woman in white, I'm gonna f*cking die"
Nope just a drunk who dove into the ditch.
Gotta love paranoia.
When I was about 12, my parents went out for dinner leaving me home alone. We lived out in the country, on a private road with only three other houses, surrounded by cow fields and wooded areas.
I went into the the kitchen and glanced out the window towards the trees and there in the fading light I could see a person walking slowly through the woods. They were wearing all black, moving slowly and appeared to pause behind trees. My heart started pounding so hard in my ears I couldn't hear anything else and I was weak and shaky from fear. I froze and just watched them. Would they come to the house? Where were they going?
This was before cell phones but I suddenly remembered my mom had left the number of the restaurant by the living room phone. Slowly, I made my way towards the living room, trying to watch this stranger in the woods.
Just as I entered the living room, all the lights in the entire house went out. By this time it was nearly dark outside. I started openly sobbing and in the dark I heard a weird boom like noise. That was it, I ran to my parents room, hid under their bed and sobbed. That's where my mom found me hours later (it felt like).
Well, turns out the stranger in the woods was a stupid cow that had busted through a fence, the lights going out was from an accident a few miles away (hit the power line) and the boom was the pilot light in the gas stove. Man, I have never been that scared in my life though!
I have a lot of questions.
A naked man who was covered in blood chased me across a park at 2 in the morning. I was totally alone. He just wanted money for a bus (????) and luckily nothing bad happened but I thought I was going to die.
But of course, the genuine horrors do exist. And they aren’t scary in a fun horror movie way, they’re actually terrifying because they can happen to anyone.
A scary few seconds.car chase GIF by Mayans M.C.Giphy
I am a "baby" in a car seat in between cousins in backseat. Dad is driving. This is in the 80s and it is my aunt's insistence that I am in this seat even though I am like 5.
A sleeping semi driver is coming over into our lane and there is a cliff on other side. Basically my dad did some amazing driving but semi blew us up. I am uninjured sitting in the seat swinging my legs while everyone is unconscious. They all wake groaning. Dad doesnt wake up.
Long story short just minor scrapes and dad has broken leg. But the crunch of metal and those few seconds/minute of being the only "alive" person was quite fear inducing.
Glad they’re all ok now.
Two days after my now boyfriend told me he liked me he fell from a zip line and broke his back. Almost died. 6 months later he got into a car wreck from a drunk driver - almost died. 6 months after that, he passed out and had to have emergency brain surgery, again, almost died. I now have severe anxiety/separation anxiety/and ptsd. That whole year was a f*cking nightmare
Edit: we're both okay now, the brain injury was almost a year ago. But TBIs take a while to heal so he still has side effects. Thankfully our relationship is still strong; he's physically getting better and I'm healing emotionally too. Lucky for him, the trauma of the injuries has caused him to forget the majority of the pain and memories of those incidents.
ALWAYS wear a helmet.
Driving home from work at 23, listening to my favorite song.
I pull up to a red light, and see this guy on a motorcycle coming up next to me in the other lane. I rolled down my window to compliment his bike when he stops. He doesn't, and runs the red light. He hits a car going at least 55mph. His motorcycle shatters apart, he goes flying, hits the hood of another car, and lands on the ground and rolls into the curb (no helmet). The car he hit with his motorcycle was totaled. I had to step over his body to talk to the police. He was still alive when they got there. I regret not holding his hand. It was just a normal day, and all of a sudden it felt like the rug was pulled from out beneath me. He was only 18.
Edit: The song was Sunny by Boney M., for those curious
What did we learn today, kids? Foxes scream like humans, shadowy figures are usually cows or drunken rednecks, and once again, PLEASE WEAR A HELMET WHEN YOU RIDE ANY KIND OF BIKE.
Scary sh*t surrounds us. But where there is horror, there are heroes. So next time you think you see a scary figure in the woods, know that Bruce Campbell is probably right around the corner
I hate hypocrites. They are the bane of my existence. All you have to do is stand behind your words. How hard is that? You said them. I especially get peeved when people bloviate on a topic and condemn and holler but then when it comes to them doing it... silence.Redditor u/ErrForceOnes wanted to know about the moments people chose to curiously "pay no mind" by asking... What is a GIANT hypocrisy that no one seems to mind?
Hypocrisy is everywhere; it's like a disease. And sadly everyone does it. Some of us indulge in smaller doses than others. But some people live their life by it. Like how can you support civil servants, like police, firefighters, etc... yet try to find ways to hide money in order to not pay taxes? Tell me... I'll wait.
Manga...Hungry Night Court GIF by LaffGiphy
Italian moms that say you're too fat then say I'm making grandma cry by not finishing my pasta.
Celebrities positioning themselves as champions for social justice while launching a clothing line with no comment on the labor conditions their garments are made in.
The Porn Industry
Why is prostitution considered a crime, but it becomes perfectly legal once a camera is put beside them?
Mirror, Mirror on the Wall...
You can get away with WAY more crap, in general, when you're attractive.
But we all kind of aspire to attractiveness and it's not like it's attractive people's fault, exactly. So what is there to be done?
So true. Money and beauty are treated like virtues and they aren't. They're luck of the draw. It probably helps you to be a better person if people assume that you are gentle and clever just by looking at your face or wallet.
KIDSGIF by MOODMANGiphy
People screaming at you if you don't want Kids and Kids are the greatest thing in the World and then turn around and whine how expensive they are and how annoying yadda yadda.
Yeah see... humans are a mess. And too often then not, personal conviction and dignity are just a myth, or a punchline. Double standards have always been a way of life. And many of us have begrudgingly learned to navigate.
FashionFashion Model GIF by NYFW: The ShowsGiphy
If a skinny person wears something out of the ordinary, it's a fashion statement and awesome. It can even just be something like a crop top or overalls.
But God forbid a fat person wear the same thing.
The hypocrisy hypocrisy. People love to call it out but rarely notice it on themselves and if they notice it then it's something completely different or a distraction.
That's the worst. I hate that I have to hate that. But if I don't hate it, then the hate will just continue. So, really, my hate comes from my love of an end to hate. So anyone who hates my hate hates love. And we must hate anyone who hates love!
My own personal hypocrisy; When I was a lot less well off financially, delivering pizzas trying to get through college, I kept a cup of coins in my car. When a homeless person would approach me for spare change, I gave them the cup. Most of the time it was nearly full, so there was probably 20-30 dollars in there.
Now that I have a good salaried job, even if I've got a few bucks in my wallet, I tend to not even make eye contact anymore. I know it's awful, I know it makes me crappy, but the last 4-5 years have made me a jaded craphead towards people in general. I used to be so hopeful and I wanted to help everyone, and tried to live a life that reflected that.
Now, while my general and political morality is pretty much the same, my personal morality has gotten more grey. I'd jaded, I hate people, I assume the worst of people I used to assume the best of. I don't really care about the strangers around me like I used to, but I still expect everyone else to.
It's so freaking frustrating when it becomes entrenched. "You did this, it's your fault" "you should've known to do x, its your fault" Yeah bro your problems aren't my problems and if all you do is make excuses and blame me for them, it's not going to be my fault when you don't develop as a person and accomplish your dreams. I'm sure they'll find someone to blame though.
In D.C.Donald Trump Reaction GIF by Election 2016Giphy
Politicians work part time, are given free housing, education, and health care, and exempt from the everyday violence we experience, but refuse to lift a finger to help us.
Just speak a truth and live it. Yes, it maybe hard. But what part of life isn't? Hypocrisy is just lying. Plain and simple. And it's a sin to lie.
Want to "know" more? Never miss another big, odd, funny, or heartbreaking moment again. Sign up for the Knowable newsletter here.