It's one thing to get yourself into an awkward situation - it's another to make it a million times worse. Here, 22 people share how they managed to do just that.
1/20. There was a guy that really needed to fart in class so he comes up with a brilliant idea. The idea was to take a textbook, drop it on the floor and fart at the same time so the loud THUMP would hide the sound of his fart. He picks up his textbook, drops it on the ground and a loud THUMP happens. Now the whole room is quiet and everybody is looking at him. And then he farts.
2/20. Me and my GF at the time where making out on my bed. There was also quite a lot of touchy feely (I was 13, doing things I probably shouldn't have been, but was proud of at the time).
So when I heard the front door open, which is right next to the door to my room, I hopped up faster than an animal noticing or was being hunted.
I look over at my girlfriend, she is trying to get her shirt and bra on quickly, with two arms in the head hole, her head in the shirt hole, the bra in her grasp just dangling hilariously, bare boobs just sorta there.
I look around for some sort of distraction, a way to give her time to get dressed and come up with a cover story, and so I grab a custom bionic toy I had created earlier (some sort of auto gun or whatever, bionics were cool AF) and I ran towards the door....
Too late. My uncle is standing there, and in his view he probably saw this:
Me standing there, my arm outstretched with a silly kids toy in it, pants around my ankles, and a look of pure desperation/fear on my face, and my girlfriend, (who he didn't know at the time) standing there in her hilarious shirt entanglement, boobs bouncing around frustratingly.
Needless to say, the extended family Olive Garden dinner that happened later was awkward for the 3 of us, but my uncle was a bro about it, he left the room, gave her time, didn't talk about it, gave me some condoms after dinner, and never told my parents.
3/20. Several years ago I was sitting at the lunch table, not listening to my friend. He finished his story and I said, "Cool story, needs more dragons." Apparently he was talking about his friend who had recently died in a house fire. I pay more attention to what people are saying now.
4/20. I was sharing a tent with my buddy and our mutual friend, a girl. I'm a heavy sleeper, but I awoke in the middle of the night to the sound of her whispering. I quickly realized she and my bro were having stealth sexy time right next to me. My response..."When is it my turn?" Silence followed...lots of silence...I went back to sleep.
5/20. A guy I know told a story of when he and his friends were kids having a bonfire in the backyard, roasting marshmallows and such, when they heard a bunch of firetrucks and commotion coming from just up the street.
They all ran to see what was going on and apparently a neighbor's house was burning to the ground. Like five alarms burning to the ground. The kid was looking around and saw that the whole family was outside and safe, but was staring at him and his friends in total disbelief.
Apparently in their rush to see what was going on, they brought whatever was in their hands with them and were now standing in front of this family's burning house with marshmallows on sticks.
Continue reading on the next page!
6/20. I wore my headset in the office to listen to music and to take calls as needed. It was a great headset because it canceled out a lot of noise.
One day, one of the guys is saying something about going that I can't make out all that well, but I see him getting ready to step out. Hoping it was for a coffee run, I asked "Oooooh, where are you going?"
I didn't understand the shocked stares from the people around me until after he left silently and they explained that he was fired.
I never lived that one down and every time I run into a former colleague, they bring it up.
7/20. During high school, there was this girl whose mother had passed away from cancer the previous year. Well, to make things worse, her father was also pretty sick. One day, in the middle of history class, someone from the school administration comes into the classroom and privately pulls her aside to tell her the bad news: her father was dead.
Everyone in the classroom understood what was going on, and there was silence, and everyone felt really bad for her. You could see the pity on everyone's face.
Then this kid named Kevin who was late for class comes in, sees everyone's faces and says "WTF, DID SOMEONE DIE OR WHAT?"
Then the whole class shouted "KEVIN SHUT THE F*CK UP".
8/20. Once I had a teacher let me do a presentation after school. I missed the days before when the presentations were going on so really I could only do it after school. Presenting to one person is kind of weird though. My teacher was young and awkward, but really likeable and definitely didn't want to be as awkward as he was. Anyway, my teacher was probably making sure I wasn't too nervous or whatever and he asked me, "Are you comfortable doing this?"
Now I'm not sure why but I just said, "Yeah. Are you comfortable doing this?"
Ugh it made it so much weirder.
9/20. First Thanksgiving with my girlfriends (now wife's) family. Table full of her relatives. Don't know many. As the new guy there, some of the uncles/cousins would make untoward remarks about me and her getting physical in a romantic way to try and rile up her father.
At one point, someone made a passing joke that she was pregnant. Immediately afterwards, the conversation at the table got quiet as group conversations tend to do. Unfortunately it was at this exact moment that I chose to finally respond to one of the uncle's jests. While everyone became quiet I simultaneously uttered the words, "And we're keeping this one."
10/20. I was at my ex-girlfriend's grandmother's funeral reception. I dropped and broke a plate. Awkward enough.
But my response after the room has gone quiet and everyone is staring at me?
"See, this is why you can't take me to nice places."
Continue reading on the next page!
11/20. Freshman year of high school, gym class. Our class shared the locker rooms with the weight lifting class. So a bunch of tiny freshman having to change/shower in a locker room full of juniors/seniors that are MUCH farther along in puberty.
The routine was simple. Undress, walk to the shower with your towel wrapped around yourself. Hang up your towel outside the showers, clean, towel off and wrap up. Get dressed.
Everything was going well, until it was time to dry off. My towel is gone, someone took my towel. I had plenty of options, I chose the most embarrassing one.
I strode into the middle of the locker room, buck naked. I planted my feet apart in an aggressive stance. One that just happened to also let my genitals be as visible as possible, which I only realized AFTER I had planted my feet.
I shout out to the whole room "WHO THE F*CK TOOK MY TOWEL?!"
Dead silence. I now have close to 60 other males in various state of undress all staring at my nude, pale form.
Someone quietly asks what color my towel was.
Still naked, still angry, I shout out my reply.
"PINK!"
At that point someone threw me my towel and I strode away to get dressed.
Outwardly I handled it well, inside I was crying.
12/20. A girl asked to have a sip of my drink as I was chewing on ice. Not knowing what to do with the ice, I spit it back into the drink. She seemed upset and as she began to say "never mind" I assured her I could remedy the situation by digging my disgusting fingers through the drink to get the ice out. That girl is now my wife of 8 years.
Just kidding I never talked to her again.
13/20. I was at a housewarming party being held by the girls that lived in the apartment above us. We only knew a couple of the girls who lived there, but the place was full of their friends (mostly other college girls).
Anyway, out on the balcony I was getting introduced to a few people, and was shaking a couple of hands. The next girl I went to shake hands with put out her left hand instead of the normal right. Thinking she was trying to be weird or pretentious I said, laughing:
"What's with the weird handshake?"
The balcony went silent. The most earth-shattering awkward silence I've ever heard. I glanced down and the girl's right hand was horrifically burned. Like, it was deformed and lifeless.
I said nothing and waited for the conversation to move on, which it did, even though I was still getting looks from everyone there for the rest of the night.
14/20. A lady tells the man next to me, "Nice shirt!" I say thanks thinking she was speaking to me. I then notice she wasn't and I said, "What about mine?" I got a big glare
Continue reading on the next page!
15/20. I was at a chain fast food restaurant and one of the girls making my sub sandwich had a mark on her neck, pretty obvious it was from her boyfriend biting her. So I say, "Did your dog bite you?" and she smiles and says, "Yeah kinda."
Fast forward a couple days, same restaurant but different girl making sandwich and she also has a mark on her neck. I use the same line again but another girl working there starts shaking her head and motioning me to shut up. Upon closer inspection, I see that it's not a hickey. It's a rash or a birthmark or acne, something that probably isn't going away anytime soon. I'm smooth like that.
16/20. First time ever having sex.
Changing positions.
I farted.
There was silence.
Then I spoke:
"Better out than in, I always say."
We didn't have sex again for 3 months after that.
[deleted]
17/20. I work at a local self-serve frozen yogurt shop. It's not too much of a hassle. People come in and take some froyo, add some toppings, get me to weigh it for them so I can determine how much to charge them for their yogurt. Not really too much there to mess up.
I remember it was dead quiet one afternoon and an elderly gentleman came in. He went to weigh it up and pay, everything was great. At the end of the transaction he said, "Have a nice day", and absentmindedly, I replied, "Love you too".
He looked at me for a moment and said, "Haha, what?" This wouldn't be too bad usually. People slip up, it happens. All I had to do was say, "Haha whoops, sorry. I meant you too", but in an effort to not appear like an idiot, I quickly followed up with, "Sorry, you reminded me of my dad". I have no idea why that's the first thing that came to my mind but I went with it.
He looked sadly at me for a minute, then left the shop. I hated myself for the rest of the day.
18/20. I had to attend a reading for the people in my program (a masters program for creative writers) where first-year students would read their work in front of a bunch of important faculty, professors, alumni, and peers.
One of the people in my class read a fairly graphic sex scene in which a sexually-repressed, religious girl masturbates with a pen. That was it essentially, no other context or larger story mentioned in the excerpt. She just read this sex scene.
After the reading, we went up to congratulate the readers and I was making small-talk with her. I was already feeling kind of awkward because, well, she basically narrated a porno to all of the important people in our program, which takes a lot of courage that I don't have. I didn't really know what to say so I jokingly asked if the girl was based on someone she knew (since she'd said that the setting of the story was somewhere where she'd grown up).
She said, "Oh, the girl was based on me. I used to be like that."
Me: "Oh... well... that makes sense... you ARE from Kansas, after all..."
She just gave me this really strange look and said, "Yeah..." and walked away. WHY?! Why did I say that?! What does Kansas even have to do with anything?! I'm still cringing, ughhh.
Continue reading on the next page!
19/20. My friend and I got onto an elevator together. She was extremely pregnant. Another woman got on, and with the best of intentions she started asking my friend questions.
"How far along are you?"
My friend was courteous but short with the woman. She knew where this line of questioning was going and she didn't want to encourage this stranger to ask more questions. "Eight months"
"Oh wonderful! Do you know what you're having?"
"A girl."
At this point I'm getting really uncomfortable. I'm screaming in my head as we're stuck in this elevator: "Stop! Stop asking questions!" We aren't making eye contact, we aren't smiling at her, we aren't being polite strangers. She doesn't take the hint.
"And is this your first child?"
"No."
"Is your oldest excited for a baby sister?"
There was an awkward pause for a moment when my friend decided to be honest to this nosey stranger.
"My first child died a year and a half ago."
It was so uncomfortable in that damn elevator so I did the only thing that made sense - I laughed harder than I've ever laughed in my entire laugh. The most satisfying, all encompassing body laugh I've ever had.
20/20. Me and my good buddy were hanging at my house with two female friends. Buddy is fiddling with the tv as he offered to set up the movie we planned to watch. Me and the two female friends are on the couch facing him.
I dont know what or why he did, but he farted. But he didnt just fart, he decided he'd match the pitch of the fart with his voice and hum the note before turning it into "Single Ladies" by Beyonce. I guess as a quick save to make sure no one heard him fart. We're just sitting on the couch awestruck. Female friend pipes up: "Did you just fart and try to cover it up by humming Single Ladies?" Buddy denies it. Instantly becomes noticeably flustered and stumbles on his way back to the couch. Slaps a glass of water by mistake and sends it all over the table. Oh how we laughed.
When we're intoxicated, or even the slightest bit tipsy from having a little too much to drink, our immediate perspective on things is hazy.
But there's nothing like a bit of alarming news or a jarring incident to snap us out of the fog and focus on the moment.
Sometimes alcohol isn't always to blame for our impairment.
It can be a state of mind, like a perpetual numbness from being complacent in life, and all it takes is one shocking moment to rattle us back to our senses.
Curious to hear from strangers online about this type of scenario, Redditor Known_Challenge_7150 asked:
"What’s one thing that sobered you up real quick?"
These individuals were witness to shocking events that sobered them up right quick.
Bleeding Out
"Got out of a taxi and found a naked man profusely bleeding from his head crawling up the driveway in my condo. Called him an ambulance completely forgot I was absolutely wasted until 45 minutes later when I'd helped him translate and in to an amublance and stepped in my front door."
"Later a few days later learned he'd slipped in the tub and literally crawled out for help. Poor dude. He was fine but I genuinely thought he was going to die there."
– DongLaiCha
Tragic News
"At a bachelor party and we got a phone call that the groom’s father had suddenly passed."
– accountnameredacted
Bottom Of The Barrel
"I went to visit my parents back in July. I was homeless and deep into fentanyl addiction so I lost a lot of weight. My folks could see it. They knew something was up. Anyway, I spent the night and I was getting ready to leave in the morning and I looked at myself in the mirror for a good long time. I finally had enough and told them everything. They took me to detox, from there I went to rehab. Graduated in August and been living with them ever since then. I have 160 days clean and sober."
– Crotch-Monster
A reality check can be enough for some people to snap out of it.
Like Father, Like Son
"Was driving a drunk friend home, he had been on a bender again and was smart enough to call me for a lift rather than try and drive. As I helped in to his house his mother came down the stairs and said 'your as drunk as your father' and went back upstairs. I haven't seen him drunk since then, he still drinks but the thought of turning into his dad scared him out of hard drinking."
– psycospaz
Busted
"Flashing blue lights."
– FiddleOfGold
"This sobered me up just thinking about it."
– redmaple_syrup
Losing Sight
"Woke up to no sight in one eye. I had cataract surgery so just thought one of the lenses had slipped and it was an easy fix. Eye doc says nope, you had a stroke. I loved soy sauce, teriyaki sauce and salty food, which caused high blood pressure, which caused retina damage. Over six months was able to get most of my eyesight back with medication, and all back within a year. Trying to navigate life with one eye was very sobering. Started taking HBP much more seriously."
– MissHibernia
Quitting The Bottle
"Looked up someone I went to highschool with who was an awesome guy. Found out he had been dead for 3 years from alcoholism, at age 33. I made an overnight change. I hadn't started drinking that night yet, 10 months ago. Haven't touched it again since."
– omgtater
These disturbing moments were enough for Redditors to immediately come to their senses.
Unplanned House Guests
"Me and a buddy Woke up in someone’s living room, realized neither one of us knew the people, they were just nice and let 2 drunk guys sleep on their living room floor. We didn’t even say goodbye."
– Oneinsevenbillion75
Serious Health Warning
"Elevated liver enzymes."
"And the knowledge that this sh** was gonna kill me and I just couldn't orphan my family over it."
"So I opted for recovery, instead."
"Clean and sober since June 5, 2009."
– Far_Meal8674
The Joyride
"Grew up in a rural area. The little town hosted dances at the hockey arena, everyone (adults and kids) went and they overserved everyone, regardless of age. I was maybe 16 or 17 and was absolutely sh*tfaced, and jumped in the back of someone's truck with about 8 other people to go back to someone's cottage for after dance drinking. The driver (still don't know who it was) started racing one of his buddies and we whipped around small dirt roads, flying around blind corners on the wrong side of the road, going god knows how fast. It was basically a disaster waiting to happen. It was crazy scary and I was sober and thankful to be alive when we finally arrived."
– foxfood9116
The human psyche is a fascinating thing, isn't it?
How we can automatically focus on something urgent at a crucial time, even after getting buzzed from drinking too much alcohol.
But as we're in the thick of the holidays, it's a good reminder to drink responsibly and stay off the roads if you drive to your celebratory destination.
Cheers. Stay safe. And happy holidays.
We've all complained or vented about something in our lives which, in the grand scheme of things, wasn't exactly a problem, or is very easily solved.
Then there are those who complain about things that others almost hope will happen to them at some point in their lives.
These are known as "first world problems", as they are problems that pretty much only the world's one percent faces.
From having to fly business class instead of first class, or being served Roederer instead of Dom Pérignon, these complaints are often met with amusement, bewilderment, or even anger.
Redditor jennimackenzie was curious to hear the most absurd "first world problems" anyone ever complained about, leading them to ask:
"What’s the most ridiculous 'first world problem' you’ve seen people get worked up over?"
"Tale As Old As Time..."
"I once knew a mom who was legitimately devastated, to the point of tears/grief, because a doctor predicted her 8 year old daughter's final height to be around 5'2","
"Which wasn't tall enough to get cast as Belle at Disney World."
"That was the child's (and her mother's) only dream in life, apparently."
"Didn't appreciate my suggestion that she could be Minnie or Mickey."
"Lol!"
"Only a face character would do!"- TravelLovingMom
"Must Be Funny, In A Rich Man's World..."
"My boss from about a decade ago was this insanely rich dude who always went to the bank to get fresh and crisp currency."
"He'd call the bank in advance to make sure they had some on hand."
"I think he was a germaphobe."
"He had a trash can that he'd throw $1 and $5 bills in that he thought was 'dirty' and regularly just donated it vs spending it."
"I asked him why he did this and he said it was too much trouble and asked if I wanted it."
"I said f*ck yeah dumped it into my bag and when I got home it was close to $400 in singles and fives.
"Another time, he wanted to upgrade all the computers in his studio, so we went to a store and bought 10 PCs."
"They all had $150 mail in rebates and he wasn't bothered to go through the trouble of mailing them in."
"3 weeks later I received $1500 after spending a whole afternoon filling out all those goddamn forms."- azninvasion2000
Money Burn GIF by nog
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Who Wore It Better?
"When I was about 19 years old, I was at my boyfriends family BBQ."
"I was wearing this pretty floral sundress."
"His cousins girlfriend showed up in the same dress and she was SO mad that she went and changed."
"I will never understand being upset when someone is wearing the same thing as you.'
"Did you really think that your shirt you bought off the rack is going to be unique to you?"
"No."- mertsey627
Seeing Red! Or Blue In This Case...
"The blue of the balloons wasn't quite the same as the bridesmaid's sashes."
"Years ago my wife and I attended a wedding."
"It was very low key."
"The dinner was in the dining hall at the university where the couple met, cinder block walls and all."
"It was a Baptist wedding - no booze and very serious."
"The dark blue balloons attempting to liven up the hall were a slightly darker shade of blue than the sashes on the bridesmaid's dresses."
"The bride lost here sh*t and absolutely raved for nearly an hour."
"I can't remember how they finally managed to talk her down."- mechant_papa
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See You In Court!
"Rich neighbors who end up in expensive court battles because they disagree about where a tree can be planted or whether the color of a fence fits in with the street’s 'amenity'."
'These disputes get really heated and rack up huge lawyers’ bills."
"The most pathetic part is after the judgement when they are arguing about who should pay the other party’s costs."
"Lots of affidavits filed citing the 'emotional distress' they had to endure, or painting themselves as brave warriors who were forced to take a stand to fight for 'justice'."
"Also lots of pompous litigants insisting that the judge refer to them by their 'Dr' title."
"An absolutely insane dumpster fire of entitled rich people problems."- ElectrocRaisin
It's Always People With Money Who Don't Want To Pay!
"I work in a public library."
"People will get so so mad if they have to be put on a wait list for a book."
"A popular book that just came out."
"Ok our services are not only free but so are the books."
"You’re welcome, a**holes."- Switchbladekitten
A Warm Butt Is A Happy Butt!
"My own."
"We have a bidet toilet seat (Fabulous! Everyone should have one!) and not only does it wash your bum and blow dry it, but the seat's heated!"
"It's shocking how much a heated toilet seat makes the whole process more agreeable."
"Except: We had a power outage and I went to use the toilet and the seat was cold!"
"Unacceptable!"
"This shall not stand!"
"I was really upset because it didn't feel good."
"Then I stopped and thought: This is the most first-world problem anyone's ever had."
"I was really pissed because my heiny was tepid."
"I got over it."- DeathGrover
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Holy Matrimony!
"Weddings are a gold mine for this question."
"People get so hyped up over their 'most important day of their life'."
"They'll destroy friendships, go into debt, and have crazy expectations."
"It's not always the couple who go crazy, either."
"Sometimes, it's the parents or another family member who feels entitled to control the wedding."
"It's just a party."
"Be considerate of guests, have plenty of food and drinks, and enjoy it."- magicrowantree
When Fast Food Isn't Fast Enough...
"Having to pull off to the side to wait for a drive-thru order to be brought out to you because your food isn't ready and there's a line building up behind you."- demanbmore
In Case You Don't Think Customer Service Employees Are Undervalued...
"I was working the return desk at a Target next to a military base so I have so many stories."
"One of my favorites was a lady who had her baby shower before revealing the gender and was livid that she had received floral newborn diapers when she’s having a boy."
"It was a huge box of super expensive, all organic diapers, that we didn’t carry and therefore could not return."
"I cannot accurately express her fury and disgust."
"How dare either suggest her boy could wear feminine diapers."
"I suggested she donate them if she didn’t want to use them and she instead threw away the entire box."
"When she left we pulled it out and threw it in our donate bin."
"There have also been multiple times where mom’s order massive toys and when we bring them out to the car they get furious that they aren’t wrapped."
"We don’t offer wrapping services."
"Here’s the thing, if you don’t want your kids to see the toys you got them for Christmas or their bit to day DON'T BRING THE CHILD WHEN YOU PICK IT UP."
'I’ve had multiple women scream and curse me out that I had ruined their kids Christmas by bringing the toys they ordered out to the car like they requested."- clever-mermaid-mae
Customer Service Waiting GIF by Juno Calypso
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Happiest Place On Earth!
"I used to work for Disney."
"That in itself should tell you everything."
"However for fun I'll give you two specific stories one form our tech department and one from my wife who worked bookings."
"I specifically worked for their call center to help with technical issues with magic band and the website."
"Suddenly got worse huh?"
"A right of passage call everyone has at least one story of is the 'Dome call'."
"Basically there is a subset of Disney Guest (TM) that believes if it rains at Walt Disney world there is someone that will push a button to encapsulate the whole of Disney property in a dome to keep out the rain."
"I'm not kidding."
"If this button is not pushed they call our tech department to angrily ask why."
"My wife worked booking."
"Pretty much everything including Bibbidi Bobbidi boutique and Pirate's league."
"These two things did roughly the same thing difference being price and theme."
"BBB was expensive did more and was focused on princesses, pirates league did a bit less and focused on mermaids and pirates."
"Lady called up my wife, and got pissed about BBB being booked up (It goes FAAAAST)."
"Karen: 'Im going to give the phone to my daughter and I want you to tell her how you are ruining her vacation by not letting her do BBB'."
"Wife proceeds to explain how pirate's league is so much cooler and how she can be a mermaid or pirate and basically gets the kid to start demanding to their parents about how they want to be a mermaid instead of a princess."- trollsong
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The horror!
Being booked into a junior suite at Disney World instead of an executive suite!
It's almost as bad as having no money for groceries, or no food to feed you children...
Said absolutely no one.