Stupid rules are the bane of almost every employees existence. We've pretty much all been there and just tried to keep our faces from being too loud about what we were really thinking about the new policy. Take heart, people. We're about to share"Well, that backfired" workplace policies.
One Reddit user asked:
The answers had us cracking up and swelling with pride (shout-out to the lady who wore a tutu to work) at just how brilliantly sarcastic employees can be when faced with dumb bureaucracy. Truly, nothing has filled us with more hope for our future than these majestic policy failures and how many of these failures were the direct result of pure unfiltered smartassery.
We applaud you all.
Coordinated Lunch EffortGiphy
We got a new manager for our office - she was an outside hire and was trying to prove herself quickly, and she was obsessed with efficiency.
So, her first week here she sent out this very rudely worded email about employees eating at our desks (we have a very small break area - 4 tables and we have about 300 employees here) and that we all had to stop eating at our desks, because "it was not efficient to eat and try to work at the same time".
Through a coordinated effort by some of the more sassy people at the office they all had their lunches at the same time and filled the break room with about 90 people. Elbow to elbow and they all ate standing up.
Literally, the next day after that happened, she sent out a follow-up email saying that we could eat at our desks but she advised us to take a break from our work from time to time.
It was pretty funny.
I'm a programmer. On a previous job, we were measured by the number of tasks completed. Not how hard they were, or how well they were completed. Just how many. Management ignored our protests and attempts to explain how inaccurate that was.
We figured out to subdivide everything to blow it up into the maximum number of listed tasks possible. A manager might request a new report, so instead of just having "create report" be a task, we'd set up separate tickets for "create button", "make button blue", "make button respond when clicked", "implement business logic", "display results in grid", "allow sorting of grid", and so on. We'd subdivide a 1-day task into 20 one-hour tasks.
Management loved it! Our team "looked" twenty times as productive, despite the fact that we were deliberately slowing ourselves down with red tape.
Increased Foosball ProductivityGiphy
We had a foosball table at a former job. People would play reasonably often, but just 1 game to take a break. One day, management came down to the software engineering floor and saw people playing foosball in the middle of the afternoon. They declared "no foosball until 4:30 PM"
That ended up making it so that everybody knew when there would be other people wanting to play foosball, so it was much easier to find somebody willing to play and significantly increased the amount of foosball played at work.
My Dad was a corpsman with the Marines doing high desert training in the Mojave. They had a big problem with people getting bit but not being able to identify the snake, so it was hard to find the right antidote. My dad got all the Marines in a room and said:
_"If you get bit by a snake, bring it back here so we can identify it." _
Not even a full week later they had to alter the wording because a marine was bit by a rattlesnake and decided to bring it back-without killing it.
This man had carried this snake all the way back to base ALIVE, and the snake decided to let him know exactly how he felt about that by repeatedly biting his arm the entire time.
Needless to say, that marine went home, and they made sure to hold another meeting where they told everyone to KILL the snake, then bring it back.
"Just Had A Beer"
My company, as part of its alcohol policy, said you should not drink for at least four hours before coming to work. When engineers got called about production problems over the weekend, they all "just had a beer" but could be there in about four or five hours once that time limit expired.
Dress Code Policy For OneGiphy
An insane amount of time and hand wringing went into my office's dress code policy. Nobody wanted one except for one person - and they demanded it. When the final draft was ultimately released, every department head had a valid reason why their staff should be exempted.
So the policy wound up only affecting myself and the guy that insisted on making the policy.
I violate this policy on a daily basis.
No Overtime Pay
Overtime is paid in free time instead of money. Three people quit so far, more people planning to. No new hires to be found. It's probably just a matter of time before this shop closes down.
Sexist Dresscode Meets Its Match
I worked for this consulting company once that out of the blue issued a new dress code requiring women to wear skirts to work.
At the time, most of the women employees were front office, so I'm guessing they just forgot about the handful of us working in development, where we rarely saw our clients directly, and would often end up doing things like crawling around on the floor moving cables around and things (we did a lot of turnkey systems).
It wasn't just the developers, either. A lot of the front office women weren't happy about the prospect of having to buy all new work clothes, and there are plenty of women who never wear skirts and didn't want to start.
We brought it up with HR, but they blew us off, so we got together and agreed on a hostile compliance approach, where we'd wear the most inappropriate skirts we could find.
There was patchwork! Big ugly wife style skirts! Some frilly thing that almost looked like a tutu! At least one woman put a skirt on over her pants. And little did they know, I had a small collection of vintage 1960s leather miniskirts!
I was almost disappointed when they buckled and changed the dress code back because that was kind of fun.
I worked for a place that did PC repairs. During my orientation the guy taking me around took me to the QA department. Once all builds or repairs are made they're sent to the QA department for a final inspection before going out to the customer.
The guy jokingly said:
**"We used to pay the QA guys bonuses for every mistake they found on a build." **
I started laughing. The only problem was it wasn't a joke. They actually paid bonuses to the QA people who found mistakes on builds.
For anyone not familiar with the internal workings of a PC, it could take less than 3 seconds to completely render a computer inoperable. Hell, you could loosen a connection just by inspecting it. Luckily that policy ended before I was hired.
I mean can you imagine giving someone a bonus for finding screw ups when it would take almost no effort to make a screw up and then claim they found it?
No Bathroom? No Students.
I worked at a large high school of about 3000 students. As a teacher, you realize fights happen. We all know they do and best thing to do is make sure those involved are punished and leave it at that
This was our principals first year in the building. She wasn't a new principal as in brand new, but she was new to our school. Our school wasn't horrible but it was declining.
A fight happens first period on the basement floor. Security is called, those involved are sent to the deans. Whatever it happens no big deal right?
Principal comes on announcements 2nd period. First she acknowledges there was a fight, which most already knew about. It's a high school after all.
Then she says:
"No student will be allowed to leave to use the bathroom the rest of the day! Teachers do not allow students to leave to use the bathroom!"
Well, this wasn't received well. Students decide to flood the halls, yelling and shouting. This happens on all floors (six total).
Students refusing to go to class and just shouting, yelling, running in the halls. I opened my class for the good kids and got in as many as I could.
Security couldn't do anything. This went on for 2-3 periods, most of these kids said f*ck it and just left.
Around 6th period an assembly was held. Those students who remained were put in the auditorium where they were lectured by administration. These were the "good" kids who stayed and did nothing wrong, mind you!
Eventually word gets out to the NY Post that there was a "riot."
She turned out to be an awful principal and after more incidents and bad press we ran her out within a span of 2 years.
We created this thing called the "safety bonus." It was one of four possible bonuses people could get. The original version of it said that anyone that was accident-free would get a bonus.
So people stopped reporting their accidents.
We had to set up another Safety Award for those who filed their safety reports in a timely manner with clear print and full details.
Out In A StormGiphy
**"You're not allowed to stay in the building during breaks" **
That meant the employees had to be outside during a storm. The next week most of the people were sick at home.
15 Minute Time Sheets
IT department changed how work is given out and time is accounted for:
We now had to fill out daily time sheets that accounted for every 15 min section of time with a summary of what you've worked on. The time sheets were a waste, we had to stop work and report what we were working on.
Classic micro management, within months the entire IT staff left except 1 guy.
Don't micro manage when the job market is full of other jobs that will just let people actually work.
Change Of Plans
At my previous job, you could schedule vacation and give it back if your plans changed. One guy would schedule 2 weeks off, wait until the schedule was made for that month, then give it back.
Since the schedule assumed he wasn't going to be there, he would make up his own shifts, since he was "extra."
This would lead to him "working 11-7" (showing up at 2, taking lunch, working from 4-6 and leaving early). He would do this 3-4 times per year.
"Don't do anything unless directed by your Boss, any deviation from this will result in write-up/termination."
This was a very literal directive from upper management that took place after an office incident. Our work is very fluid, and our team alone contained 20 people. Needless to say productivity hit unfounded lows.
Work wanted everyone to come in even when sick so the boss can inspect us to determine if we can work or not. Doctors notes were not accepted "since they can be fake."
I complied. Ended up vomiting on his desk over important papers.
My work just recently tried to implement a new attendance policy that didn't last 24hrs. They changed it so that after two "unexcused" absences in a year you were automatically fired.
An "unexcused" absence is any absence or tardiness when you didn't give your boss more than 24hrs notice. So nobody could get sick or have an emergency? Waking up puking is an unexcused absence?
My old job had a Draconian attendance policy in which if you were at a second late, you got a 1/2 point demerit. If you were an hour late, you got that same 1/2 point demerit.
5 or 6 was termination
In addition to making for some anxiety-filled employees feel forced to make dumb decisions like speed through snow storms, it also meant if you got stuck in a traffic jam, you might as well just take your time, stop for gas, get breakfast, etc.
Same place also had a similar policy that assured the plague spread through the whole place. Say you came to work at 7. By 9 am you've got a fever and full-blown flu symptoms.
If you clock out then, you get a whole-point demerit. But if you sit there coughing and shivering and infecting your coworkers for another 2 hours (til your shift was half over), you only got a half-point demerit.
I used to work for a production company that employed a lot of really skilled, award winning editors. There were producers and executives and directors but the real money makers, the people who really made the company were the editors, so the company was basically centered around them.
The executives would always order in food for the editors, and the editors would usually eat in their offices while doing their thing.
One day the executives decided to cut paid lunches to save money. The editors all thought this was a dick move, so they'd go out for lunch and sometimes stay out for like 3 hours.
There was nothing the company could do, really, because these editors were top of their game and if Warner Bros. heard that the editor they always used had left, they might leave, too.
So the company couldn't do anything. They saved maybe $15 dollars per person per day, but lost like 4 hours per person per day.
No Sofa? Longer Naps
New manager got rid of the sofa in the break room so that people couldn't nap on their hour long lunch break. It ended up making one person sleep even more.
No one ever overslept or abused the privilege, but it was good to have the option on a tough day. Once the sofa was gone, our stoner guy started sleeping in other places.
The layout was terrible, so there were half walls and all kinds of nooks and crannies to hide in; including in-between walls and in the warehouse.
That's when we started losing him. We couldn't find him to wake him up, and he would oversleep. The couch in the break room was a common area with people moving about, and he could only catnap there.
Since he was finding little hiding spots he would go into a deeper sleep and was less likely to be disturbed by our calls for him.
He didn't lose his job somehow, that place had a hard time hiring.
People typically think of cannabis legalization as one of those cut and dry things.
If you don't use marijuana, you probably don't want to legalize it.
If you do use marijuana, you are probably pro-legalization.
... except it's not that simple.
Reddit user SaifurCloudstrife asked:
"Redditors opposed to marijuana legalization and decriminalization: Why?"
Normally when these types of questions are asked, you get a bunch of people who are pro-the-thing chiming in and that absolutely happened here.
Interestingly, that opened up discourse that got people actually talking—probably more than they normally would have. The constant back and forth helped people get down to the core of their beliefs and reasons.
I can't say minds or hearts were changed, or even that people had particularly good reasons (and there were some not-great counter arguments, let's be real) when it came right down to it, but conversations were certainly had...
"It's a drug."
"I have two examples in my close family that clearly show how devastating pot can be. This attitude to marijuana reminds me of the attitude towards cocaine in the mid to late seventies when everyone thought it was harmless 'nose candy.' "
"I'm against sentences for drug possession but many people would benefit from dealers serving 3-5 for selling pot."
"Honestly, I think everyone against it should come to Canada for a visit. It's been legal here for 4 years and absolutely NONE of the spooky stories have come true."
"The only real differences is that people buy their weed in nice, clean stores with clear labels and not on street corners and our tax dollars don't go towards harassing people for a weekend indulgence."Giphy
"It stinks and makes people lazy."
"And often the weed smokers don't care if they are a pain in the butt to others and that kind of apathy is a huge no for me."Giphy
"I live in WA, where rec weed is legal."
"I rarely ever smell pot smoke. And I have the nose of a bloodhound."
"Yes, more often than as a teen when it was still illegal, but far less than any amount to be pro-prohibition about it."
"Plus, I mean, there's lots of smells I f*cking hate but wouldn't enact harmful laws over- Axe body spray being one."
"Laws can be made regarding where you can smoke."
"In Australia you can't smoke inside or within a certain distance to entryways. The only space you smell smoke is at an outdoor pub, designated smoking areas and occasionally when walking."
"It took years, but people become accustomed to new rules. Knowing Americans though, you guys will be on the brink of civil war if they brought in similar restrictions."
It's TOO Good
"I've read that the potency in pot these days is a hell of a lot stronger compared to say 20 or 30 yrs ago."
"The huge increase in THC levels should be a huge concern for people. The pot being legalized today is not the same I smoked when I was much younger."
"This argument has been rolled out again and again since I was in elementary school (~30 years ago) and I never understood it."
"THC is remarkably non-toxic, it's so much less toxic than many common substances people ingest on a regular basis (aspirin, and plenty of other OTC meds, as examples), to the point where actual THC toxicity is caused by physical rather than chemical/metabolic actions."
"Smoked cannabis is also much easier to titrate (dose appropriately), since the effects are nearly instantaneous - take a couple hits and you'll know if you've had enough within seconds."Giphy
"As opposed to an accidental edible overdose where you might not know for a couple hours that you've taken a heroic dose."
"So a higher % of THC by weight in cannabis flower shouldn't be an issue, especially considering that back in D.A.R.E. they used to tell us that smoking cannabis was SO MUCH WORSE than smoking tobacco."
"Cannabis was supposedly so much 'harsher,' one joint contains 'toxins' equivalent to an entire pack of cigs, etc...which is total bull, but even if that were true...wouldn't that mean that stronger cannabis is less harmful, since you don't have to smoke so much to achieve the desired effect?"
"Can't have it both ways."
It is high potency because it is illegal. It's easier to transport a half pound of skunk than 10 pounds of trash weed."
"Look at states that have legalized. There are low thc strains available and easily accessible."
"Because dipsh*ts will start smoking it in public places where others can not really avoid it, like is the case with cigarettes currently."
"Also yes: F*ck cigarettes."
"Yep my problem is drugs in public."
"I do not care if you do drugs as long as your doing them in a private place. I don't want to breathe in your smoke and get lung cancer."
"I don't especially care what folks get up to on their own, it's when they make everyone around them a participant that it aggravates me."
"Plus, depending on the setting, it's really inconsiderate."
"I have a friend whose job does random drug testing and he left a bar because a bunch of folks were smoking inside and he was worried about work."Giphy
Go Away, Government!
"I'm for legalization but as someone that worked for corporate cannabis, I'd loathe seeing those scums run the market."
"My state Governor tried writing a recreational cannabis bill on their own terms since we are surrounded by recreational territories."
"They stated they didn't want it to lead to a ballot measure because that's worst case scenario (didnt think voters were educated) than proceeded to write the most comically bad legalization bill that existed - before completely dropping it because they couldn't write a competent law."
"I am about as anti pot as they come, but if they are going to legalize it, why wouldn't they make it legal to grow your own? (Rhetorical- I know the answer… same reason "they" are legalizing it… tax money)"
"This is what I am screaming. For them it's only about money."
"They are waiting for the rich to install a profit making infrastructure before they let us peasants enjoy anything."Giphy
"If I had any good reason it's because idiots insist it's not addictive and it doesn't impede your senses. So they drive and do dangerous sh*t while high."
"My issue isn't the severity of the impediment. It's that people refuse to admit that it does alter the mind."
"I already have one person insist they smoke weed and drive because they know their body."
"Now imagine if someone openly said that about alcohol and how you'd react. It's a really dumb mentality to have."
"If anything I'd push for it to be illegalized ALONG WITH alcohol and cigarettes."
"But prohibition taught us that is not the way to go."Giphy
The Same Path As Alcohol
"I believe that if it was legalized, it would become a much bigger part in society, much like how alcohol is now."
"I do have a problem with public drinking and personally view alcohol as much worse compared to marijuana."
"However, since drinking is already so ingrained in our society, it's not like we can get rid of it. I'm just hoping that weed doesn't follow in the same path as alcohol."Giphy
"Im so sick of all these CBD oil pyramid schemes popping up!"
"The testimonials are all, 'I broke my spine in half and had to get it surgically fused together. Now all I have to do is rub a drop of CBD on it, and the pain is gone!' "
"And I'm not against it, I actually use high grade CBD at night to help me sleep. I fucking hate going through a rep though, they always try to hard sell me on topical CBD for my back pain that's like $80 for a little jar, or $30 bath bombs."
"I have discs squeezing out of my spine, I'm pretty sure a dab of hemp oil is gonna do jack shit for that."
"And the cancer patient abuse!"
"Smoking or ingesting edibles with THC for pain management and appetite is super helpful for cancer patients, but cbd wont do anything. Not to mention getting an ounce of good weed wont set you back much, but getting a tiny vial of cbd can set you back a couple hundred bucks."
"With our healthcare system in the states, we know damn well cancer patients are already in a hole of debt. I'm worried legalizing will encourage these CBD lies."
"It's the new snake oil."
"My MIL is that person. She's was touting its Indica strains ability to outright cure cancer the last I saw her."
"Cancer patients get hit very hard with the cannabis oil scams. What kind of evil sh*t do you need to be to take advantage of desperate people?"
"I agree with you about people thinking its the grand cure all, but that's why I feel we SHOULD legalize."
"The main reason I want it legalize is so they can do more research on the things it does help. It's effect on tremors alone is fascinating."Giphy
So what have we really learned here? I'm not really certain.
Lots of people's reasons seemed under-informed, but just as many people had legitimate concerns.
Sure, those concerns could just as easily be applied to alcohol, but lots of Redditors admitted that and seemed to take LARGER issue with alcohol than cannabis. It was honestly difficult to find anyone (aside from the smell people) who was 100% against it.
And that, dear reader, is possibly the biggest takeaway from this. Attitudes are changing.
Sorry, D.A.R.E.—looks like we said yes to drugs. Well, cannabis at least.
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Chosen family is family. Sometimes they are the closest and most important family. Just because you share blood with someone, doesn't mean you have to form a bond.
That's why best friends are so important.
BFFs are forged in many ways. They're there for you in triumph and sorrow. They hold your hand. T
They know where the bodies are buried because they helped bury them. That's why it's so heartbreaking to lose them.
It's just a bitter pill to swallow when it's a relationship you thought was going to be endless.
Redditor FindingDale wanted to hear all the reasons why sometimes we just have to say goodbye to certain people in life, by asking:
How did you lose your best friend?
I've lost a few besties. Some through death. Some through personal growth and some just because it was time. That was an important lesson. Just like lovers, friends also outgrow one another.
I'm ExhaustedI Cant Modern Family GIF by HULUGiphy
"I got tired of it being all about her all of the time. I couldn't tell her anything in my life good or bad because she would make it about herself." ~ Wide-Fig-1063
"He was the passenger in a single-car accident. The driver was drunk, showing off, and drifting on an unfamiliar dirt road in California. They found the car at the bottom of a 70-foot cliff. Everyone in the car walked away except my friend, who died instantly."
"He was already passed out drunk himself so he likely didn't feel anything, but it was still such a terrible senseless way to go. That was 10 years ago last June. He was barely 21, the nicest guy you'd ever meet, and one hell of a bassist. Miss ya, Jake." ~ FormerLurker3
"Best friends since we were 12. Best Man at my wedding when we were 28. Day after the wedding he never spoke to me again. No explanation. Calls and texts went unanswered. He would avoid being at any social event I would be at, which was a few because we had the same circle of friends. Tried for two years to keep that friendship alive." ~ Tionek
"I had a weird dynamic to continue because of trauma. We had been friends for most of our lives (26 years) and every conversation was all about her. I was fine with that because she had a traumatic childhood and I knew she wasn't super socially with it. I'm happy to listen when my friends need it."
"Then she just unloaded on me saying I wasn't listening enough to her problems and how I had mistreated her by not asking enough pointed questions about abuse she had suffered as a kid. This was days after a three hour call where she did all the talking and it was mostly about her abuse."
"I was six months pregnant at the time and all I could think was "do I really have the bandwidth to take care of two babies?" I haven't spoken to her since." ~ keepinitcornmeal
It's WeirdFriends Tv GIFGiphy
"His wife tried to sleep with me. I didn't let it happen and I told him about it. They reconciled and had more kids, then it got weird whenever I was around so we drifted apart." ~ mycowild
Yeah, beware the partner of a loved one who is trying to trap you in a scandal. They are shady. Take that drama and run fast and far.
Why?Peering Looking GIF by MOODMANGiphy
"No idea. He slowly stopped answering calls, texts, emails... his wife, even more so. I'd occasionally stop by to see them and everything appeared to be OK. They never stopped to see us, even though his mother lived just a few miles away. I just quit trying." ~ NagromTrebloc
"It was October 16, 2015. I was working from home that day when I saw a call from him at around 9:15am. I had to ignore the call because I was in an online meeting. At 2pm my Dad calls my phone, which is unusual since he knows I'm working. I answer it."
"He is speaking quietly and very calmly. He says, "Son, I love you very much. I have some terrible news. Jared passed away this morning." Jared's wife was calling me from his phone to say she found him dead. I couldn't process what he was saying."
"I said, "That's not funny. Jared, his wife and me and my wife were supposed to meet up next weekend for dinner." Jared had sleep apnea surgery that same week. He had taken a painkiller and Benadryl together. It stopped his heart. He died 2 days before his 40th birthday. We were friends since grade school."
"We did everything together, he was my brother. He was the best man at my wedding earlier that year. I had just shared my son's heartbeat with him via a text message 2 days before. Jared was so excited to be his crazy uncle. I miss him every single day." ~ SnooCapers1425
"Codependency. I became basically obsessed with her and it just became too toxic. I had to cut it off because it was eating me up inside and she didn't deserve how I was treating her." ~ SuccessfulEggplant82
"Good on you for recognizing the problem you were having. It takes a lot (and I mean a crap ton) for an individual to come to this realization. Most people like to live in denial or fight it. I did the same thing and by the time I realized it, it was to late. I hope your able to get through it." ~ Nakanon85
"I noticed that he never came to my place to catch up. I stopped going over to his place to see how long until he noticed.... It's been 5 years now 🤷♂️." ~ Mr_Nonesuch
"Over the years I have observed in number of friendships that its always me that makes the call. They always are delighted to hear from me. If I organise something they come. They just don't make the effort. I have been best man five times so I don't think that its because the friendships are not valued. I don't know, am I missing something?" ~ Yarray2
"My ex wife. Even after we split we stayed close, co-parenting, helping each other out. She died 3.5 years ago. I could have made peace I think but after her death and our daughter was living with me full time I found out about how abusive my ex had been to her when I was around and it felt like losing her all over."
"Like I thought I knew who she was in the 13 years we'd had both together and separated, but it turns out I knew nothing. Now I'm just angry about it, like how dare you get to do this crap and then leave me to clean up your mess."
"How dare you have peace when my daughter has nothing but struggles and therapy. I felt like we were robbed of the good person, the good mother I thought she was." ~ Scarecrowqueen
Far Far Away...Jake Gyllenhaal Reaction GIF by MOODMANGiphy
"Friend moved to the other side of the planet, with their spouse, to be nearer to both their families. I never understood what real friendship was before friend was in my life; and now they're alive, but not here." ~ ClutchCrgo
One of the natural parts of life... saying goodbye. Or in some cases getting ghosted and forgotten. Either way, chin up.
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Humans have had an undeniably significant impact on our environment and the other species that inhabit the planet with us.
What might happen if humans weren't here to exert that influence, though?
What if we never had?
Reddit user Mompkey asked:
"Which species do you think would be dominant if humans didn't exist?"
"Wolves. They can, and have, successfully adapted to most of the various biomes on the planet."
"There's a reason we domesticated them and took them everywhere with us."Giphy
- Everything is garbage
- Garbage is delicious"
"I would agree, but now I'm wondering if our presence is the reason cockroaches have thrived as well as they have."Giphy
"Sharks, they are the dominant species on 3/4 of the Earth's surface already, they have survived mass extinctions and would thrive even more without humans mucking up their habitat."Giphy
"Humans are the only species that seek to dominate others. Other animals just want to live in the balance of nature. They're just trying to survive, they don't have time to take over the world."
"Pinky and The Brain theme song played in my head."Giphy
"We've killed off so many throughout history but of the ones that remains intelligence and versatility would be the key factors. Their food supply and habitat would greatly increase in our absence so with this being said.........primates."
"We are simply the superior primate therefore we are the dominant species. That opposable thumb is a mf when you have a large brain."
"Wouldn't it be just another off shoot of humans like the Neanderthal or heidelbergensis?"Giphy
While we'll probably never know definitively which species would truly thrive without us around, it's still fun to speculate.
Do you have thoughts?
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