Window Washers Reveal The Strangest Things They've Seen Through The Glass
My eyes! MY EYES!!!!
Window washer. Now there is a job that doesn't cross your mind often does it? You know they make like $80 and hour?! All to just dangle miles in the air while cleaning windows and trying not to plummet to their deaths. They see into the world and half the time nobody notices.
Maybe they should make $180 an hour. Nobody ever asks a window washer, "how interesting was your day?" You don't really think they'll answer with anything outside of the mundane right? Seems like a simple, monotonous career. But how wrong you'd be if you thought that. They know more secrets about civilian's lives than the FBI.
Redditor Trailerboy531 was dying to ask... Window washers of Reddit, what is the strangest thing you've seen on the other side of the glass?
Poor little rich girl.Giphy
The weirdest thing to me is a mansion with round the clock staff inside, they even wear uniforms. It's just this one rich dude his wife and their two kids. I'm not allowed inside, but I can see the wife. She's surrounded by the serving staff, but she never talks to any of them, and they don't talk to her. She seems really sad and lonely.
That's a touchdown!
I was washing the windows at the store I worked at when I was younger, and I watched a naked man running down the street get tackled by the police.
Let me, entertain you...Giphy
I washed windows once, still not sure if it was on purpose but was washing skylights on a regular house and the daughter walks into the bathroom naked and starts checking herself out. She was the same age as me, like 20 at the time. I didn't know what to do so I apologized. Her parents heard and made fun of her the rest of the day, I've never seen someone turn so red as when her dad said "so you were giving the cleaning boy a show?" They were getting ready to sell the house and I was there for another 8 hours cleaning.
I only did the job for about 8 or 9 months but saw two unexpected things.
Got to the top of the ladder and saw a guy I know is a priest enjoying some porn. I scurried back down the ladder hoping he would hear me and then slowly went back up. He obviously had heard me because when I got back to the window he was standing up reading a bible.
The other time I got to the top of the ladder and saw a woman in her 80's sitting on her bed completely naked. I was sure she saw me so I gave her a few minutes before going back to the window. When I get there she's sitting in exactly the same place, still naked, smiling at me. I got a job in an office soon after.
My (maternal) grandfather was a window washer in the 1930s. He saw my (eventual) grandmother on the other side of the glass.
That's gotta sting!Giphy
I was volunteering for the first time at this small place a while ago because high school, and they gave me a simple job. A bottle of spray and a towel to wipe down the windows.
So I did it obediently, and I was looking through the window. I could see across the road there was a sidewalk and some apartments. On the sidewalk, there's some trees, not too small or big, just your average tree. I could see this lump dangling on a branch, and I immediately recognized it as a wasp nest because my neighborhood had a lot.
I remember thinking to myself, "Man I feel bad for whoever has to take care of that." (For some reason I thought people like beekeepers didn't exist) Lo and behold, a white middle aged woman, kinda chubby, probably in her 50s, is watching from a reasonable distance. She goes back into her apartment, and comes back out with a metal baseball bat. I stopped wiping the windows and watched with horror thinking, "Uh oh." I started heading towards the door to yell stop, but I wasn't quick enough. She runs up to the nest and takes a good hit at it. And I guess she tried to run away from the nest, but sprinting is a bit hard in your 50s, and her weight didn't help. Yikes. She got stung and she kinda fell on the ground in the process. Wasp stings hurt like hell. I told the store manager what happened and she called an ambulance. She got whisked off, and that's the end of the story.
That's quite the green... thumb?
My boyfriend has done a lot of high rise window washing. As he was doing his thing, a man walked into an office, unzipped his pants, proceeded to pee into a potted plant, and walked back out as soon as he was done doing his business. The man was never aware that he had an audience.
Paging Lady Marmalade...
I used to wash the windows of a house that turned out to be a brothel.
Should've known really the signs were all there. Different men answering the door, all beds were king size with silky sheets Showers in every room Etc...
I can do this blindfolded right?Giphy
- 2 BDSM rooms.
- A room full of hitler memorabilia.
- A room full of cardbodboxed drinks.
- christmastree in july
Those are the things on the top of my head.
This little piggy stayed home.
A piglet. As in, a baby pig, not the Winnie the Pooh character.
No idea why he got an office on the 10th floor.
Just come out here and do it yourself then!
The strangest was a woman who watched me to my work from the other side, pointing at all the streaks and spots as if I were missing it all. Her windows were filthy because we'd had a rain storm followed by a dust storm (only in Texas). I knew it'd take more than one pass to get it all, so I started with the big squeegee to get the bulk of the dirt off before going at it again with the smaller one that doesn't leave streaks. She was losing her mind tapping during the first pass, tapping on the parts I was going to go over again. She pointed out the wet streaks that dry up almost immediately into nothing but clean window. She pointed at the spots I had to really get at when the squeegee didn't get them. She pointed at me a lot, and I'm not sure what that was about.
As part of the job, I also remove any spider webs or hornet/wasp's nests I see. Wasps/Hornets aren't really a big deal if you get the jump on them. You reach up, grab their mud nest, and just smash it in your hands before they get out to bite you. This lady kept freaking out and making barfing faces whenever I did it. She looked completely disgusted. She didn't ask me to stop cleaning her windows though, so I don't know what she expected me to do. Not do what I was contracted to do?
The lady clearly thought I was a neanderthal. She later complained that she had to do all the work, pointing it all out to me. I tried to explain that I could sit in a bus and point out the route, but that doesn't change the work the bus driver is doing. She complained that I couldn't be that smart because I was a window washer and window washers are lazy. I explained it was one of two jobs I was working while taking a full course load at the university.
Thanks for the invite... I'm gonna go!Giphy
I used to be a professional window washer for mostly very high end houses. Worked on a few celebrity homes but I really don't have any interesting stories from them. Here are the top 3 weird places I remember working.
The first place, wasn't a single occurrence but a particular client. To picture this guy, imagine a more boring version of Steve
This dude had a larger house. Probably somewhere in the neighborhood of 3500 square feet. He had the Rolladen shutters around his entire house. For those who don't know what they are, imaging metalish window covers that roll down over the whole window. Something you'd see in a zombie apocalypse movie. That in and of itself wasn't that weird. But I still remember the first time those shutters went up. The guy had zero furniture. None. Nada. Nothing except for a very basic queen sized bed with white sheets in one of the bedrooms. The guy would follow us around from the inside and leer at us the entire time we'd be cleaning the windows.
Then when we'd do the inside, he'd follow us around with a roll of paper towels and dab up any minor droplet that would hit the ground. Keep in mind, we always used drop cloths when we cleaned inside glass. We were used to working in the nicest of nice homes so we were always very careful to not get water on the floor. Wasn't good enough for this dude. He'd literally stand 2 feet behind you with the roll and just stare.
Next place that I can remember that was weird was this gay couple's house. They were super friendly and perfectly normal for the most part. The inside of their house however, was unsettling.
All of the walls were painted either blood red or black. Pagan and Satanic looking statues, paintings and decorations everywhere. It was unsettling to say the least. The last was this weird guy with insanely curly hair who had like fifty life sized statues of children on his property. Dude lived alone. My co-worker joked he was an angry old mage who would turn children to stone for walking on his lawn when they weren't supposed too.
Now there is a story point for Grey's...
Wash windows for a hospital certain operating rooms have windows... the Drs just waved at me as I could see this persons midsection cut open on a table. I almost threw up down the side of the building.
So I was on the unfortunate side of the incident. Went to go #2, the window is right behind the toilet.. you can see where this is going. I turned back to see a guy looming over me through thinly veiled curtains. I immediately flushed and farted out of there. I'm sure he will never forget that.
Finally a question I can answer. We were cleaning a fairly tall building 12 stories iirc adjacent to an equally tall government office building. This office building had several bedrooms on the top level, which we could see from the roof but certainly not from the ground. From where we were standing this bedroom was about ten meters away. As we're setting up a naked dude jumps onto his bed with an ipad and starts rubbing one out furiously. Facing us.
Not weird necessarily but certainly unpleasant.
I'm on the fence on this one dude...
On my first job as a window washer I went to this house and started washing windows and saw my Ex-girlfriend having sex with her new boyfriend. And then she came outside and started yelling at me that "this is insane" and "window washers don't come to people's houses at 3 in the morning" and "I'm pretty sure they carry more than just Great Value Window Cleaner and a roll of paper towels."
I hate when people can't be professional and mature when it comes to difficult jobs.
Just a regular window cleaner here. I was once going up my ladders to clean a bedroom window on the second floor at around 8am. As i got to the top of the ladder i was confronted with a couple going for it at an angle which indicated that he was, shall we say, taking the road less travelled.
Fair enough, lots of window cleaners see people naked or doing it, but this dude, for some reason, at 8am, was wearing a pair of socks and dress shoes. Apart from that they were both butt naked.
Now i can only assume that they were too deeply engrossed to have heard the clatter of my ladders against the window sill, but i got done with that window real quick and just about slid down the ladder.
Not looking for a co-star...Giphy
Ive been an industrial window cleaner for 20 years now. This is me Other pics there too. But basically I've seen lots and lots of nudity. Lots of drugs, and lots of naked/half naked people in bed. The usual stuff really.
Had one old lady (maybe 50-60-ish) in a dressing gown sat on her chair while on the phone looking directly at me. Nothing new there we get watched a lot but this old lady opened up her dressing gown, spread one of her legs on the arm of the chair. While still chatting away on the phone too with a huge smile on her face. I was thinking maybe she was on a sex line or something and me being there was just a little extra thrill.
Everyone needs a second language...
When I was studying to become a Sign Language Interpreter at Uni, the window washers stopped and stared at us for 5 minutes. We were on the 5th floor. We joked that it must have been their break time, but our lecturer was not impressed.
I washed windows for a cemetery during college and this still baffles me and I am a firm athiest but it was Sunday and the entire building was closed and locked, I was just washing the outside, there wasn't a single car in the entire parking lot and every door was locked, all of the sudden I see a priest walk past a doorway and I thought hmm that's strange maybe my mind is just playing tricks on me about 5 minutes later I see him again for longer and I check all the doors and parking lots again and nothing/no one. It was one of the creepiest things I've ever seen. I also heard children laughing there was well, again on a day they were closed. I assume there was some logical explanation but it still gives me chills.
For closeted individuals, coming out is a rite of passage in life that LGBTQ+ people never signed up for.
Why is it that anyone who inherently identifies a certain way has to explain themselves to those who are confused and unwavering in their socialized ignorance?
Times have changed and while there have been advances made for LGBTQ+ people to find more acceptance and feel less like an "other," there are still many challenges to overcome.
Even with gay role models prevalent in pop culture, it can still be difficult for gay youth today to come out to a parent who chooses to live in the past and align themselves to antiquated ideals in society that prevents them from loving their child as they are.
But sometimes, the response after opening up to a parent in a vulnerable moment can prove that unconditional love is the best thing in the entire world.
Curious to hear about positive responses, Redditor Expert_Recover3061 asked:
"What's the best response to 'Dad, I think I'm gay'?"
Even those who aren't fathers can give the best response.
"In the 90s, when my girlfriend finally told her traditional Italian mom and grandma at 19, they sighed in unison and grandma said, 'oh thank baby Jesus, I was worried that I was going to have to tell you.'"
What Gran Said
“'I thought you were about to give me bad news! Don’t scare me like that!' - My granny when my uncle came out (in the ‘70’s!). She was decades ahead of her time…"
They're still parents.
The Rules Don't Change
"You still have to wear a condom."
Not The Only Outcome
"Pregnancy isn't the only STD."
Bracing For The Worst
"This was my literal response when my brother came out to me. He’d called me and said he had something urgent to tell me and it had to be face to face. I was a bus journey away and started to panic so I made him tell me over the phone."
“'I’m gay.' 'I know that! I thought someone had DIED.'"
"When I came out to my dad when I was 16 I thought he would disown me. He said: 'Son, If anyone ever hurts you for that, I’ll f'king kill them'. In that moment I realized that I had the best dad in the world."
These reactions raised eyebrows.
“'So that’s why you don’t like mushrooms'. At least that’s what my friends dad said to him when he came out. We still don’t know what he meant by that."
"One of my friends from high school was gay, and when he came out to his family his Dad literally didn’t look up from his newspaper & told him his sister didn’t need to tell him she was straight so why would he need to explain that he was gay? He’s known him his whole life and already knew that."
"It was cute because he was so worried."
These Redditors realized they had nothing to fear.
Cheers To That
"Well... My dad said 'I know... And I don't care. As long as you are happy, I'm also happy for you.' And then asked me if I wanted a beer or scotch to celebrate that I finally had the confidence to tell him."
The Best Parents
"Our son came out to us a month ago. We already suspected, so it wasn't a shock."
"When he told me I thanked him for telling me, told him that I loved him, then explained that who he wants to tell next and how he wants to tell them is 100% his choice and we will support him however he wants and needs. He gave us a list of people to tell, and by the end of the week he wanted everyone to know."
"Love and acknowledgement and support."
Most parents these days aren't given enough credit for being understanding–and also having good instincts about their closeted children–as the fear of being disowned weighs heavily on the mind of individuals who are apprehensive about coming out.
A friend of mine told me her 19-year-old son came out to her and her husband. They already suspected and were waiting on him to come out on his terms when he was ready.
Her husband had the best response.
"Son, I just hope I get to have the first dance with you at the wedding."
Everyone loves a good mystery or ghost story, particularly one with a massive twist regarding one of the main characters.
But surely, stories like this never happen in real life?
Such as finding yourself stuck on the side of the road, when a guardian angel of sorts comes and helps you, seemingly out of nowhere, then disappears just as mysteriously.
Or getting a call warning you about something which sounds far-fetched, then happens three weeks later?
Surely, these are the types of situations only found in the work of Shirley Jackson or Edgar Allen Poe.
Or are they?
"What's the most mysterious thing happened in your life that you can't find any explanation for?"
Mom Acting Weird
"My mum is a type 1 diabetic, has been since she was 11 years of age."
"When me and my little brother were very young, I was about 7 and he was 5 , I came into my mum's room to find she was acting extremely strange."
"She looked almost drunk, and wasn’t really responsive."
"I went to pick up her insulin needles to see if she would react to that and she didn’t."
"So I panicked and phoned my Nan who told me to put the phone down and dial 999."
"For some reason I was so frightened and confused I didn’t, and sent my little brother outside to get help while I tried to get my mum to respond to me."
"My brother came back in crying saying he couldn’t find anyone and then about five minuets later this woman just walked into my mum's bedroom, called me by my name, and my brothers, said she knew my mum and help is coming, she was calm, soft-spoken and had a warm feeling about her."
"I didn’t recognize this woman and neither did my brother."
"Shortly after the ambulance arrived and got my mum's sugar levels back up."
"And when I went to find the woman, she was gone."
"Like literally gone."
"When my mum came round I explained to her about this mysterious woman and what she looked like."
"And my mum had absolutely no idea who she was, and we never saw her again."
"If she didn’t help us my mum would have died eventually."
"Still gives me shivers now."- leeshouse90Portrait Of A Lady On Fire Neon Rated GIF by NEONGiphy
Psychic, or lucky?
"When I was around 18 a friend and I were traveling in Europe."
"We were walking along a pleasant, quiet street in Rome one day and saw an elderly homeless man sitting on the street."
"He said to us if he could guess our date of birth could we give him some money?"
"Of course we said ok."
"He did it! "
"He told us both our correct dates of birth!"
"Never met him before and never saw him again."- robertodurian
Some Unfinished Work, Maybe?
"I was at my mother in law's flat in Hungary."
"Fyi I don't speak Hungarian, so I couldn't be aware of any of this."
"I tend to go to bed later that my wife, and for the first couple of nights, I had trouble falling asleep because around midnight I could hear the neighbor upstairs."
"It's an old block of flats made under the communist era, walls are incredibly thin."
"Walk in high heels, which was very annoying."
"I could also hear little objects fall on the floor, and I told my wife it sounded like the plastic buttons you have on some clothes."
"She looked at me funny and told me her niece hated to sleep in that room because she was scared by the noises coming from upstairs."
"I said that was a bit exaggerated, and I thought it was until my wife told me the flat upstairs had been empty for the past at least 4 years."
"Neighbor died years before that, and guess what?"
"She was a tailor, always nicely dressed and wearing high heels."- mimzouHigh Heels Shoes GIF by Real Housewives Of CheshireGiphy
Gone Without A Trace
"When I was a kid, I participated in Big Brothers Big Sisters, which if you don't know what that is it's pretty much just a mentorship program in the US."
"I basically just hung out with this dude Chris for a couple hours a week."
"We'd go to the movies, out to eat, he'd help me with my homework, that kinda thing."
"One day, he tells me that he's going to Baltimore for a couple weeks and when I should expect him back."
"The day rolls around and I give him a call to see if he's back yet."
"A man whose voice I didn't recognize answered and I asked if Chris was there."
"He said no."
"I asked him when Chris would be back just kinda thinking it was someone staying at his house or watching his dogs or something."
"But he said that I had the wrong number, that he and his wife had lived there for years, and there was never a Chris there."
"I double checked in the phonebook to see if it was the right number which it was because I had it circled."
"I was confused so I just said sorry and hung up, and I never heard from Chris ever again."- theautomemoriesdoll
A Clever Distraction?
"When I was 10 or so I was staying at my grandma's over the summer break and we were having breakfast."
"We barely started eating when the phone rang."
"She left the dining room and I followed her thinking that maybe they were my parents calling."
"When we returned most of the food was gone."
"She asked me if I ate while she was on the phone and I said 'no'."
"There was no one else home and there were no pets."
"My grandma just shook it off saying we might have eaten more than she remembered but I am absolutely positive that I had at most two bites of my toast by the time the phone rang."- queenliz2frHungry Good Morning GIF by HBO MaxGiphy
"Every month around the 5th I get a letter with exactly 23 dollars."
"No note, no return address."
"I’ve asked family, relatives, friends, the two past occupants of this apartment."
"Nobody knows anything about it."
"It is not addressed to me, but to my unique postal address."
"The total is now exactly 1886, I have just stashed it all in a box."
"I do not want to spend it in case it is cursed."- Puzzleheaded_Ad928
A Comforting Sign
"My grandmother always loved roses and had them growing in her back yard."
"She died in a December and when we were gathered at her house for the funeral my father happened to look out the back window and saw a bright red rose had blossomed."
"It stood out brightly against the snow."
"He brought it in and put it in a vase on the kitchen table."
"We all left for the funeral and when we came back the rose was on the living room floor."
"No one had been in the house while we were gone."
"My father is the most hard-headed person alive but he was convinced it was his mothers way of telling him she was all right."- regular6drunk7
"We have a built in wardrobe in our bedroom."
"About a month ago our cat had managed to get herself inside and I must have closed the door."
"I heard her meowing and I opened the door and she jumped out and walked off."
"I closed the wardrobe door."
"Less than five minutes later I hear a meow in the wardrobe, I open the door and to my surprise, our cat jumps out again and walks off."
"My partner and I were both stunned as there is no way into the wardrobe with the doors closed."
"Neither of us have any idea how this happened."- TorthOrcCat Jumping GIFGiphy
"I had just picked up a coworker from her house heading to work.'
"We are just talking and chatting, "how'd your weekend go" type of stuff."
"We are maybe 5 miles away from her house, when all of a sudden, we realize we are in town pulling into works parking lot."
"We both kinda look at each other not sure what happened."
"We had gone near 20 miles in a blink of an eye."
"And what cemented this experience as something that I actually happened, and not just simply losing track of time, IS THE TIME!"
"It should have taken us almost half an hour to get to work."
"Instead the time from when I picked her up was 2:30."
"And the time when we got to the building was 2:40."
"There is no way in HELL!"
"We couldn't have gotten there that fast."
"From that point on we both called that experience the time when we Jumped, like from the movie Jumper."
"I have no explanation why."
"I'll also state, I don't believe in the paranormal or supernatural."
"So this experience is one of those things that makes me question my own sanity."- belac4862car dark GIFGiphy
There must be an explanation for these circumstances...
Even if it's not an explanation that will make any sense, otherworldly or not.
We've all made clumsy mistakes that we know could have been avoided had we used a little bit more good judgment and common sense.
Thankfully, these silly mistakes don't usually harm others or ourselves.
This is why it's hard to see people knowingly perform reckless or dangerous activities which they know might have serious consequences.
While we don't usually wish these people ill, we also have a hard time feeling bad for them, as they knew what they were getting themselves in for.
As some people might say, they "f*cked around and found out" or "play stupid games, win stupid prizes."
What is a great example of 'f*ck around and find out'"?
Never Be Afraid To Seek Help
"Hey remember how they said drugs can ruin your f*cking life?"
"Turns out that was true."- WowAPenguin
They Put Up Those Walls For A Reason
"People who die after going over the safety fence at zoo, or basically any safety fence."- Solid_Refrigerator16
They Can't Say They Weren't Warned...
"Those who go deep cave diving and ignore the warning signs."- somekindofmiraclecave GIFGiphy
Never Stand Behind Them...
"Jacka**es who come to the stables I ride at and act weird around horses."
"Those animals play no games."- clem82
Is It Really Worth It?
"Running of the Bulls in Spain."
"The videos each year of the people getting completely annihilated by the bulls is a great example."- getagrooving
Never Get Too Big For Your Britches...
"When I was young I boxed and eventually got into golden gloves."
"I got a few wins under my belt and said I wanted to fight someone legit, someone who would be a real challenge."
"An opportunity came up to fight someone very good, a guy who'd eventually win regional and state and later go pro."
"At this point I'd not lost or even been knocked down, so my confidence was high, that is until he knocked me the hell out very early in the fight and taught me that there are BIG differences in the different talent levels of fighting."-Redditepisode 2 boxing GIF by Archie ComicsGiphy
Sharks might be the least of your problems...
"Go swimming outside the flags in Australia."- d*ckflip1980
"When people were dressing up like clowns to scare people."
"It kinda stopped after one got shot."- BigMaraJeff2
Or With Anything Dangerous...
"Playing with electricity."- tlmega124Jack Nicholson Hair GIF by MOODMANGiphy
They Won't Harm You If You Won't Harm Them...
"People that approach wildlife in state parks."- Rider-of-Rohaan42
Best To Keep Hands And Feet Out Of Moving Vehicles...
"Your boss at the warehouse is constantly telling you to keep your feet within the confines of your vehicle, and not to hang them, and to stay clear when walking, because if you don't, a 6,000 pound+ vehicle impacting a fixed surface will turn your foot into spaghetti sauce."
"Do not f*ck around, ever, with industrial vehicles."
"Follow all guidelines, always."
"A powered ride-on pallet jack weighs as much as 2-3 small cars, when fully loaded."
"It will absolutely ruin you if you don't operate safely."- SpaceCorpse
Still Probably Best Not To Do It At All!
"My uncle was a high-profile defense attorney specializing in folks who were arrested for drug trafficking."
"The greatest advice he ever gave to me was, if you want to smuggle ANYTHING, you can do it one time."
"After that, you will be caught and you will be f*cked."- redoctober2021
Confusing On So Many Levels...
"Trying to armed rob a gun store."- VagabondTexan
You'd Think People Would Have Learned By Now...
"Taking Julius Caesar hostage."- EgoSenatuscaesar GIFGiphy
No One Is Invincible...
"Ye saying he can’t be dropped by Adidas, then immediately getting dropped by Adidas."- Admin_Untold
It's one thing to make a mistake after being a bit too hasty, and not giving something enough thought.
But if you end up in the ER after being urged not to do something, and well aware of what might happen, don't expect too many flowers...
Being horny can lead to some questionable decision-making.
Something happens to the brain when blood is flowing to other regions of the body.
They should discuss this in health class.
It's perfectly normal, but we have to learn how to deal.
Redditor Sir_Baconstrips wanted to see who was willing to discuss actions made while randy, so they asked:
"What's the biggest mistake you've made because you were horny?"
I can't tell you mine, because my mom might read this. But Reddit was more than happy to share.
History HelpHide Reaction GIF by florGiphy
"I browsed porn and then I asked my mom how to delete the history."
What was that?
"Probably my most embarrassing moment. Was on my work computer (family business so nothing locked) and it was a super slow day and I was alone. Anyways was doing a classic 3 min facebook check and scrolled down for a second and saw the news post about Adriana Chechik injuring her back in a foam pool. Figured top comments on that would be golden. Read one funny one that said 'her and her scene with [performer I can’t remember] is still goat.'"
"Never heard of said performer so I got curious and google her. Of course photos never do justice, had to see the performance ya know? So I clicked a random video, quick glance and thought 'meh' and was about to close the tab before I noticed my mouse twitch on the screen… What was that? No.. that wasn’t mouse error, that was someone… then within seconds I realized the accountant who taps in remotely to finish work came in at that exact moment that I had a browser open for less than 60 sec."
"The worst wart was I could have sworn I had all those remote services off, but she tried to tap in for over an hour and must of did something to wake splashtop (probably had it on some type of standby mode). She even called earlier but I saw a random number and was speaking with a client and ignored it."
"Anyways, decision time, do I call her and play it off as nothing or apologize? Naturally as a fearful 28 year old I play off as nothing. I call, no answer… then a few minutes later i get the call back and her words after exchanging 'hellos … are you finished with whatever you were doing…' still burns me."
"Let my (ex) boyfriend dry-hump me for an hour on a bench outside after summer school."
"The bad news: this bench behind our school was also beside a swimming pool. Where parents were taking their children for swim lessons. Eventually a staff member came out and yelled at us for being inappropriate."
"I still have shame flashbacks today, over 10 years later."
"I had a one night stand with a guy who was, in retrospect, seriously self-conscious about his penis size and kept going on about how if it was on the small size it was just because he has to have sex with it a few times and it would gradually get bigger until it was it’s 'true' size. I really didn’t care."
"But then to make himself feel better he turned it around and started talking about how big and wide my vagina was but kept reassuring me that it was ok because he liked the challenge. I wish I had snapped my legs shut and given him the boot right then and there."
In San DiegoNo Money Bangladeshi GIF by GifGariGiphy
"Lost my entire tax refund and got my phone stolen at a strip club in San Diego."
Always check your pockets on the way out.
The RewardHappy We Did It GIF by StoryfulGiphy
"Hooked up with a girl at a party. Just kind of bored, drunk, and horny. Having to go to the doctor for a case of pubic lice was my reward for poor self-control."
"I got my first serious gf in high school. She was two grades below me. So when I finished third year and moved 500 km south we was still a couple. I was so in love (and most of all horny) I commuted every. Single. Weekend. And I was poor. So I took the bus to the nearest station after school. Waited for the long distance bus for 4-5 hours."
"Went to a larger city to hitchhike my way there. I was there Friday night or Saturday morning. Locked ourselves in her bedroom and went at it until Sunday morning. I made my way down to school again and went to class straight from the bus Monday morning. This went on for almost a year…"
I'm OutChris Pratt Running GIF by Parks and RecreationGiphy
"Was trying to get with a girl in college. We were texting and I asked her what she was up to, she said she was training for a marathon and going to the gym and asked if I wanted to come."
"I ended up running 9 miles before I tagged out. So now I know how far I'd go to have sex it's up to 9 miles."
Lord the things people will do when slightly turned on.