What do you do when your sister and her boyfriend accuse your fiance of stealing their wedding proposal, when their plan was a secret? This is what happened to OP, and a war has ensued on social media between the two sisters, and their family has been ripped apart.
koumorinobi needs some advice on how to handle her sister.
The Original Poster Broke Down The Players
My fiance: Charlie
My sister: Kendall
Kendall's boyfriend: Jack
BACKGROUND INFO
Charlie and I have been together for six years and have lived together for three years. We met in college. Our relationship is awesome. I love him more than anything and I know he's the one I want to spend the rest of my life with. We're best friends, we make a great team, and we're really happy together. So no problems there.
Kendall and I have always been close. We've had normal sisterly arguments and whatnot, but I love her and she's family. I don't really know Jack that well, but he seemed like a nice guy (which obviously isn't the case), and we've all gotten along until now.
Kendall and Jack have been together for two years. Their relationship is rocky; Kendall has called me countless times because of fights, breakups, and drama. I've always been her shoulder to cry on and I've supported her through everything as best I can.
She has gotten jealous of my relationship with Charlie, saying things like she wishes she could have a "perfect" relationship like ours and she wishes she could have that connection with Jack. Recently (within the last two months), she's started saying things like "I should just steal Charlie from you" and "I wish Jack was more like Charlie, I think Charlie and I would be a great match." She started flirting with Charlie (which made him super uncomfortable) and overstepped boundaries. I was uncomfortable and upset with her behavior, we had a serious talk and she broke down. She told me she was going through a rough patch with Jack and wasn't handling it well. She apologized (to me and to Charlie) and told me she knew what she did was wrong, it wouldn't happen again, etc. Charlie and I talked about it and we decided to forgive her.
At the time of the incident, Jack and Kendall were still going through a rough patch.
And Here's Where It Goes To Pot
THE INCIDENT
Two weeks ago, Charlie invited close friends and family to dinner (this included Jack and Kendall). It was at the restaurant Charlie and I had our first date, down to the exact table we sat at. We had talked about marriage (at great length), so I had a feeling.
Lo and behold, Charlie proposed to me. It was perfect, I was so happy. I cried like a baby, lol.
Our family and friends congratulated us. Kendall seemed super excited. She gushed about how cute it was, started talking about the wedding, and hugged us both.
The only person who didn't seem happy for us was Jack. He told Kendall that he wanted to go home and they left early.
Fast forward a few days. Kendall texted me and she was pissed. She called me "a dirty traitor" and "a disgusting c*nt." I was like wtf??? I asked her why she was upset. She claimed I was trying to ruin her relationship and then stopped replying to my texts.
I texted Jack and asked him wtf was going on. He told me that he was planning to propose to Kendall at dinner. At first, I felt bad because maybe he had planned something beforehand and maybe it was just a huge misunderstanding. But apparently, Jack wasn't even planning to propose to Kendall until we got to the restaurant. He saw how nice the restaurant was, our friends and family were there, and decided "hey, this is perfect." He thought it would help them out of their rough patch (which is a horrible idea because marriage doesn't magically fix relationships), but then Charlie proposed and "stole his thunder." He didn't even have a ring!
Charlie had been planning that proposal for months. He's had the ring for six months, made the reservations two months beforehand, invited all of our family and friends. Even the staff of the restaurant was in on the proposal! He put a lot of thought into it and I don't think Jack's heat of the moment decision to propose is more important than Charlie's carefully planned proposal. I'm actually upset that Jack would make something this special and important into something dramatic and all about him.
I didn't apologize. Charlie and I talked about it, he agrees and doesn't think we should apologize.
And The Fallout
THE AFTERMATH
Since then, Kendall and Jack haven't talked to us. Which is fine by itself, but that's not the end of it. Both of them have been shaming us on social media, twisting the story to make themselves look like victims, and have even coined us "The Proposal Thieves."
Mutual friends (and even some family!) are disgusted with us. They believe Jack and Kendall's story, even after I've tried to explain what really happened. As funny as it is to be called The Proposal Thieves, it's not so funny to have friends and family turned against you. I'm really upset that my own sister would do this.
Charlie has been super supportive and sweet through this mess. We both agree that we shouldn't apologize and have been standing our ground.
Honestly, after everything Kendall has done, I'm pretty much fed up with her. She's my sister and I love her, but after she tried to seduce my boyfriend and now this, I don't really have a desire to talk to her anymore. Which sucks, because we've always been close. I think Jack has turned her into this horrible, self-absorbed person and it's just.. ugh.
Btw, I'm not talking to Kendall right now and have no plans to talk to her until we receive a sincere apology. Even then, I think I might limit contact if she stays with Jack.
What do you think, Reddit? What should we do? How should we handle this? Advice/perspective/anything???
TL;DR: Sister and bf are upset that we "upstaged them." Spreading lies on social media. Everything is a mess, please help?
Fight back with the truth.
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I feel like Charlie should post something to the effect of "After 6 wonderful years together, I asked koumorinobi and all her friends and family to the restaurant where we had our very first date, and there, at the very table where we sat 6 years ago, I asked her to be my wife. A special thanks to the amazing waitstaff at the restaurant for helping me plan my perfect proposal! I couldn't be happier,"
this outlines that it was HIS proposal, and HIS planning and nips all other proposal thievery nonsense in the bud.
Also, congratulations, you two sound like an amazing team!
And block Kendall (sister) and Jack (Kendalls' boyfriend).
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Also, block Jack/Kendall from being able to post on your or Charlie's post/wall. Don't engage in any online argument, just post the truth and move on.
Reevaluate those "mutual friends" you have if they continue to be horrible.
Sounds like Jack may be feeling a little insecure?
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I will now re-enact for you what happened after they left the dinner.
Kendall (either in real life, or in Jack's imagination): "Wow, isn't it great that Charlie proposed! I want to have a marriage like that"
Jack realizes that the pressure is now on. Jack does not want to deal with the pressure. Jack does not want this fight or this problem. He wants to avoid the marriage convo entirely.
Jack: "Well..I was going to! They RUINED it. Now I can't possibly propose to you, and it's because of OTHER PEOPLE!" (aaand internal sigh of relief for Jack).
Don't apologize, give them time to cool down, and maybe when your sister is being more reasonable, suggest she talk to Jack about that incoming proposal she's so excited about...you know, the one that's totally happening. Uh huh.
Who decides to propose on a whim?
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I texted Jack and asked him wtf was going on. He told me that he was planning to propose to Kendall at dinner.
BULL. SH*T. No way do I believe that he was going to propose that night. After all of their problems? Crikey.
Go no contact with Kendall for the foreseeable future. Try one more time with the really important people to clarify what happened, if they are feeding into the drama, they also go to the curb with the rest of the trash. Ignore all of them unless they come to you with a sincere apology. And don't invite those f*ckers to the wedding. Not even Kendall, unless she apologizes. She sounds like a piece of work.
Who calls their sister the c-word?
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"a disgusting c*nt."
I'm sorry, I'm having trouble getting past this. Is this really the way your sister speaks to you?
Get the truth out there.
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This is why I don't recommend that people "take the high road" and not tell their side of the story. 9/10 times it lets the crazy person put out their story and people tend to believe the first story they are told. Write about how wonderful your proposal was and how much Charlie planned it and how happy your sister was. Then mention how baffled you are that people are accusing you and your fiance of stealing a proposal from a guy with no plan and no ring, and how sad you are at the number of people who are so eager to believe the worst about you two without getting your side of the story. If anyone brings it up to you afterward point out how nice it is to see the true character of certain people before inviting someone to be in the bridal party or to the wedding. Have your parents say something similar and how sad it is that Kendall is spreading lies about you instead of being happy and how much that hurts a mother's heart, etc.
On that note, under no circumstances have your sister in your wedding party.
How is this situation even real?
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This reminds me of The Office, when Jim planned an expensive proposal under the fireworks for Pam, and Andy stole his thunder. Except in this case, "Jim" actually got to propose.
Sounds to me like Kendall and Jack had an argument after dinner about their relationship and maybe Kendall compared it to yours. So Jack claimed he was going to propose that night in an attempt at damage control and threw Charlie under the bus in the meantime. What an asshole.
Also if he really did decide to do it last minute, how the fuck was Charlie supposed to know that?! Is Kendall that dimwitted?
Doesn't seem like Jack had really planned anything.
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Does Kendall understand that Charlie invited everyone and coordinated dinner? If Jack were planning to propose, I would have thought he would be spearheading the dinner. And, you know, have a ring.
It sounds like Jack is feeding Kendall this story to get some heat off himself.
Perhaps it would be worth it to sit down with Jack and Kendall to clarify the situation and request that they set the record straight with friends and family. If they refuse, do it yourself on social media (gracefully), then block Kendall and Jack, go no contact, and enjoy your engagement.
Don't apologize, you deserve an apology.
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I wouldn't apologize, and I would unfollow them on social media. I'd also cut contact until they apologize to both of you. I'm baffled at how they think you stole their thunder at an event that your fiancé had been planning for months and invited everyone to. How does Jack spin that in his favor?
Also, The Proposal Thieves would make a good band name.
Now you know whom to not invite to the wedding.
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At least you found out everyone's true and immature colors before the invites go out. As a 7 month newlywed, trust me, you don't want to ANYONE there whom will cause you grief. Our wedding was magical because of our decision not to include certain humans simply because we share blood. Your fiancé has your back and that's all that matters. Congratulations xox
Why not post your side of the story?
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Go online and put ONE post up, simple, straightforward, and honest, about your side of the story. How this was a planned proposal and was set up in advance. Say you are very disappointed how so many people are attacking you on what should be a happy day, and you thought better of them than to believe a skewed version of the story.
Or however you want to put it. But if you really want to solve your social media problem you need to put down ONE posting where you take the high road, then don't address it again.
Kendall should beg for forgiveness.
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This is the biggest bullsh*t I've ever read (not as in I think it's fake, but just how ridiculous these people are acting). How in the hell can you be a "proposal thief" if 1) you came up with the idea first and; 2) you weren't told about someone else planning a proposal?
Those text messages your sister sent are insane. She's acting as if you overheard her boyfriend talking about asking for her hand in marriage (which he didn't since he kept the idea to himself), and then ran over to your boyfriend to say, "Quick! Ask me to marry you before Jack does!" Like, where is the logic in any of this?
I'm sorry you're related to such a psycho.
You need to get your story out there ASAP. Don't let her continue to feed them lies. Tell them exactly what you told us about how he hadn't even thought of the idea until he stepped foot into the door and how the whole get-together was with the intention of your boyfriend proposing to you.
And then, don't speak to your sister until she apologizes or literally begs on her hands and knees for your forgiveness, because who even does this sh*t?
Ignore the drama.
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You and Charlie are in the right, stand your ground and enjoy your moment. Congrats on the engagement and don't waste time or energy on drama.
People just aren't buying it.
He had no plan to propose. Kendall got jealous and he lied to make her happy. She's an idiot. Ignore them.
When we're intoxicated, or even the slightest bit tipsy from having a little too much to drink, our immediate perspective on things is hazy.
But there's nothing like a bit of alarming news or a jarring incident to snap us out of the fog and focus on the moment.
Sometimes alcohol isn't always to blame for our impairment.
It can be a state of mind, like a perpetual numbness from being complacent in life, and all it takes is one shocking moment to rattle us back to our senses.
Curious to hear from strangers online about this type of scenario, Redditor Known_Challenge_7150 asked:
"What’s one thing that sobered you up real quick?"
These individuals were witness to shocking events that sobered them up right quick.
Bleeding Out
"Got out of a taxi and found a naked man profusely bleeding from his head crawling up the driveway in my condo. Called him an ambulance completely forgot I was absolutely wasted until 45 minutes later when I'd helped him translate and in to an amublance and stepped in my front door."
"Later a few days later learned he'd slipped in the tub and literally crawled out for help. Poor dude. He was fine but I genuinely thought he was going to die there."
– DongLaiCha
Tragic News
"At a bachelor party and we got a phone call that the groom’s father had suddenly passed."
– accountnameredacted
Bottom Of The Barrel
"I went to visit my parents back in July. I was homeless and deep into fentanyl addiction so I lost a lot of weight. My folks could see it. They knew something was up. Anyway, I spent the night and I was getting ready to leave in the morning and I looked at myself in the mirror for a good long time. I finally had enough and told them everything. They took me to detox, from there I went to rehab. Graduated in August and been living with them ever since then. I have 160 days clean and sober."
– Crotch-Monster
A reality check can be enough for some people to snap out of it.
Like Father, Like Son
"Was driving a drunk friend home, he had been on a bender again and was smart enough to call me for a lift rather than try and drive. As I helped in to his house his mother came down the stairs and said 'your as drunk as your father' and went back upstairs. I haven't seen him drunk since then, he still drinks but the thought of turning into his dad scared him out of hard drinking."
– psycospaz
Busted
"Flashing blue lights."
– FiddleOfGold
"This sobered me up just thinking about it."
– redmaple_syrup
Losing Sight
"Woke up to no sight in one eye. I had cataract surgery so just thought one of the lenses had slipped and it was an easy fix. Eye doc says nope, you had a stroke. I loved soy sauce, teriyaki sauce and salty food, which caused high blood pressure, which caused retina damage. Over six months was able to get most of my eyesight back with medication, and all back within a year. Trying to navigate life with one eye was very sobering. Started taking HBP much more seriously."
– MissHibernia
Quitting The Bottle
"Looked up someone I went to highschool with who was an awesome guy. Found out he had been dead for 3 years from alcoholism, at age 33. I made an overnight change. I hadn't started drinking that night yet, 10 months ago. Haven't touched it again since."
– omgtater
These disturbing moments were enough for Redditors to immediately come to their senses.
Unplanned House Guests
"Me and a buddy Woke up in someone’s living room, realized neither one of us knew the people, they were just nice and let 2 drunk guys sleep on their living room floor. We didn’t even say goodbye."
– Oneinsevenbillion75
Serious Health Warning
"Elevated liver enzymes."
"And the knowledge that this sh** was gonna kill me and I just couldn't orphan my family over it."
"So I opted for recovery, instead."
"Clean and sober since June 5, 2009."
– Far_Meal8674
The Joyride
"Grew up in a rural area. The little town hosted dances at the hockey arena, everyone (adults and kids) went and they overserved everyone, regardless of age. I was maybe 16 or 17 and was absolutely sh*tfaced, and jumped in the back of someone's truck with about 8 other people to go back to someone's cottage for after dance drinking. The driver (still don't know who it was) started racing one of his buddies and we whipped around small dirt roads, flying around blind corners on the wrong side of the road, going god knows how fast. It was basically a disaster waiting to happen. It was crazy scary and I was sober and thankful to be alive when we finally arrived."
– foxfood9116
The human psyche is a fascinating thing, isn't it?
How we can automatically focus on something urgent at a crucial time, even after getting buzzed from drinking too much alcohol.
But as we're in the thick of the holidays, it's a good reminder to drink responsibly and stay off the roads if you drive to your celebratory destination.
Cheers. Stay safe. And happy holidays.
We've all complained or vented about something in our lives which, in the grand scheme of things, wasn't exactly a problem, or is very easily solved.
Then there are those who complain about things that others almost hope will happen to them at some point in their lives.
These are known as "first world problems", as they are problems that pretty much only the world's one percent faces.
From having to fly business class instead of first class, or being served Roederer instead of Dom Pérignon, these complaints are often met with amusement, bewilderment, or even anger.
Redditor jennimackenzie was curious to hear the most absurd "first world problems" anyone ever complained about, leading them to ask:
"What’s the most ridiculous 'first world problem' you’ve seen people get worked up over?"
"Tale As Old As Time..."
"I once knew a mom who was legitimately devastated, to the point of tears/grief, because a doctor predicted her 8 year old daughter's final height to be around 5'2","
"Which wasn't tall enough to get cast as Belle at Disney World."
"That was the child's (and her mother's) only dream in life, apparently."
"Didn't appreciate my suggestion that she could be Minnie or Mickey."
"Lol!"
"Only a face character would do!"- TravelLovingMom
"Must Be Funny, In A Rich Man's World..."
"My boss from about a decade ago was this insanely rich dude who always went to the bank to get fresh and crisp currency."
"He'd call the bank in advance to make sure they had some on hand."
"I think he was a germaphobe."
"He had a trash can that he'd throw $1 and $5 bills in that he thought was 'dirty' and regularly just donated it vs spending it."
"I asked him why he did this and he said it was too much trouble and asked if I wanted it."
"I said f*ck yeah dumped it into my bag and when I got home it was close to $400 in singles and fives.
"Another time, he wanted to upgrade all the computers in his studio, so we went to a store and bought 10 PCs."
"They all had $150 mail in rebates and he wasn't bothered to go through the trouble of mailing them in."
"3 weeks later I received $1500 after spending a whole afternoon filling out all those goddamn forms."- azninvasion2000
Money Burn GIF by nog
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Who Wore It Better?
"When I was about 19 years old, I was at my boyfriends family BBQ."
"I was wearing this pretty floral sundress."
"His cousins girlfriend showed up in the same dress and she was SO mad that she went and changed."
"I will never understand being upset when someone is wearing the same thing as you.'
"Did you really think that your shirt you bought off the rack is going to be unique to you?"
"No."- mertsey627
Seeing Red! Or Blue In This Case...
"The blue of the balloons wasn't quite the same as the bridesmaid's sashes."
"Years ago my wife and I attended a wedding."
"It was very low key."
"The dinner was in the dining hall at the university where the couple met, cinder block walls and all."
"It was a Baptist wedding - no booze and very serious."
"The dark blue balloons attempting to liven up the hall were a slightly darker shade of blue than the sashes on the bridesmaid's dresses."
"The bride lost here sh*t and absolutely raved for nearly an hour."
"I can't remember how they finally managed to talk her down."- mechant_papa
south park wedding GIF
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See You In Court!
"Rich neighbors who end up in expensive court battles because they disagree about where a tree can be planted or whether the color of a fence fits in with the street’s 'amenity'."
'These disputes get really heated and rack up huge lawyers’ bills."
"The most pathetic part is after the judgement when they are arguing about who should pay the other party’s costs."
"Lots of affidavits filed citing the 'emotional distress' they had to endure, or painting themselves as brave warriors who were forced to take a stand to fight for 'justice'."
"Also lots of pompous litigants insisting that the judge refer to them by their 'Dr' title."
"An absolutely insane dumpster fire of entitled rich people problems."- ElectrocRaisin
It's Always People With Money Who Don't Want To Pay!
"I work in a public library."
"People will get so so mad if they have to be put on a wait list for a book."
"A popular book that just came out."
"Ok our services are not only free but so are the books."
"You’re welcome, a**holes."- Switchbladekitten
A Warm Butt Is A Happy Butt!
"My own."
"We have a bidet toilet seat (Fabulous! Everyone should have one!) and not only does it wash your bum and blow dry it, but the seat's heated!"
"It's shocking how much a heated toilet seat makes the whole process more agreeable."
"Except: We had a power outage and I went to use the toilet and the seat was cold!"
"Unacceptable!"
"This shall not stand!"
"I was really upset because it didn't feel good."
"Then I stopped and thought: This is the most first-world problem anyone's ever had."
"I was really pissed because my heiny was tepid."
"I got over it."- DeathGrover
homer simpson episode 23 GIF
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Holy Matrimony!
"Weddings are a gold mine for this question."
"People get so hyped up over their 'most important day of their life'."
"They'll destroy friendships, go into debt, and have crazy expectations."
"It's not always the couple who go crazy, either."
"Sometimes, it's the parents or another family member who feels entitled to control the wedding."
"It's just a party."
"Be considerate of guests, have plenty of food and drinks, and enjoy it."- magicrowantree
When Fast Food Isn't Fast Enough...
"Having to pull off to the side to wait for a drive-thru order to be brought out to you because your food isn't ready and there's a line building up behind you."- demanbmore
In Case You Don't Think Customer Service Employees Are Undervalued...
"I was working the return desk at a Target next to a military base so I have so many stories."
"One of my favorites was a lady who had her baby shower before revealing the gender and was livid that she had received floral newborn diapers when she’s having a boy."
"It was a huge box of super expensive, all organic diapers, that we didn’t carry and therefore could not return."
"I cannot accurately express her fury and disgust."
"How dare either suggest her boy could wear feminine diapers."
"I suggested she donate them if she didn’t want to use them and she instead threw away the entire box."
"When she left we pulled it out and threw it in our donate bin."
"There have also been multiple times where mom’s order massive toys and when we bring them out to the car they get furious that they aren’t wrapped."
"We don’t offer wrapping services."
"Here’s the thing, if you don’t want your kids to see the toys you got them for Christmas or their bit to day DON'T BRING THE CHILD WHEN YOU PICK IT UP."
'I’ve had multiple women scream and curse me out that I had ruined their kids Christmas by bringing the toys they ordered out to the car like they requested."- clever-mermaid-mae
Customer Service Waiting GIF by Juno Calypso
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Happiest Place On Earth!
"I used to work for Disney."
"That in itself should tell you everything."
"However for fun I'll give you two specific stories one form our tech department and one from my wife who worked bookings."
"I specifically worked for their call center to help with technical issues with magic band and the website."
"Suddenly got worse huh?"
"A right of passage call everyone has at least one story of is the 'Dome call'."
"Basically there is a subset of Disney Guest (TM) that believes if it rains at Walt Disney world there is someone that will push a button to encapsulate the whole of Disney property in a dome to keep out the rain."
"I'm not kidding."
"If this button is not pushed they call our tech department to angrily ask why."
"My wife worked booking."
"Pretty much everything including Bibbidi Bobbidi boutique and Pirate's league."
"These two things did roughly the same thing difference being price and theme."
"BBB was expensive did more and was focused on princesses, pirates league did a bit less and focused on mermaids and pirates."
"Lady called up my wife, and got pissed about BBB being booked up (It goes FAAAAST)."
"Karen: 'Im going to give the phone to my daughter and I want you to tell her how you are ruining her vacation by not letting her do BBB'."
"Wife proceeds to explain how pirate's league is so much cooler and how she can be a mermaid or pirate and basically gets the kid to start demanding to their parents about how they want to be a mermaid instead of a princess."- trollsong
Disney World GIF
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The horror!
Being booked into a junior suite at Disney World instead of an executive suite!
It's almost as bad as having no money for groceries, or no food to feed you children...
Said absolutely no one.