People Explain Which Unsettling Things They've Discovered About Their Partner That Made Them Reevaluate The Relationship

We date totally normally. Go out to dinner, bars, hang out on the beach—cute people stuff.

He never has a problem ordering drinks, getting into places, etc... Nothing about this 6'1" man with a beard seems suspicious to me in any way.

He lived at home, but so did I.

Broke college students, you know?

Then his "24th" birthday rolls around and all his friends show up to surprise him - except they roll up with pretty much every "legal adult" joke possible about how now he can vote and get into strip clubs etc.

Cat was BIG TIME out of the bag.

Turns out he and his family agreed to lie to me because they liked me and I "had potential" as a long term partner. He told his friends I "went to another school" and since I'm under 5 feet tall and was only about 20 at the time, I didn't look old enough to raise any suspicions from them.

This dude and his family were just going to run with it until he was a legal adult and it "didn't matter in the eyes of the law, just like it doesn't matter in our hearts."

NOPE.

They could not grasp why I dumped him.

So anyway, one Reddit user asked:

"What's something you found out about your S.O years into the relationship that made you reevaluate the whole relationship?"

I'm thinking there's no way a whole bunch of other people have experiences with bizarre long cons ... right?

Yeah not only have other people dealt with long term deception, I wasn't even the only person to have that deception mean they dated a teenager when they thought they were dating an adult.

Behold the wasteland that is Reddit relationships ...

The Real Story

He told me upfront he had been in prison for attempted murder.

His story: He caught his ex-wife's new boyfriend beating her in front of their kids. He beat him up bad enough the guy got brain damage. Ended up with prison time.

A year into the relationship he told me.....

The Real Story: He broke into his ex-wife's house, watched her and the new guy sleep for a while and then stabbed the guy 7 times with a hunting knife. Guy is a vegetable now.

We were having dinner at his brother's house and his brother made an off-hand comment about him and big knives. I was really puzzled and the brother could tell.

My ex literally was just like "OH, I didn't want you to not like me."

I couldn't be comfortable around him after that.

There were red flags prior but I wanted to be happy. For example, he wanted to spend all of our free time together. I took one night "off" from seeing him..... just to be me, do my own thing. Woke up to a note from him taped to my bedroom window.

Everyone was like "WOW he's so into you! He really loves you! That's so romantic!"

Later after finding out about the attempted murder and its circumstances my skin just crawled. I felt like I was going to end up on forensic files. We broke up shortly thereafter.

- MissSassifrass1977

Age Ain't Nuthin' But A Number

He lied about his age. Not just 1 or 2 years but 9 years.

- toromeyl

Not as big an age gap, but happened to a friend too. She was 23 at the time and he was 17.

To her credit they met in a nightclub you need to be 18 to enter and he'd told all of us all he was 25 and he even looked it too. He admitted his age when she threatened him with the police.

Everyone couldn't believe it when we heard and only had his age confirmed when we asked the bouncers to ID him before letting him in and he got banned from that nightclub. Like I said this guy looked older, even to the bouncers, hence the never IDing him until someone asked them to.

- geraltsthiccass

Five Years And He Never Found Out Why

Not me but my friend and it could be a movie on mental abuse. It took him nearly five years to find out how awful she was.

He was with a woman for five years. They moved in after a year and that's when he started getting "forgetful." They were only mid-20s but he started forgetting where he had put things, losing stuff, getting dates wrong etc.

The strange thing was it was only to do with things at home and his girlfriend. He'd come out with us and reminisce perfectly about old stories, he'd remember our birthdays and we shared a garage that we stored our bikes and stuff in and he'd never misplace a tool or anything there.

However, at home, he'd lose tools, keys, bank cards, phones etc and then they'd turn up somewhere else. He got his girlfriend's families birthdays wrong. He'd go to appointments on the wrong days or miss important phone calls.

Even things like on Facebook people would be wishing him happy birthday on the wrong day because he'd put his wrong birthday in.

It was really getting him down and he was doubting himself constantly, his girlfriend would arrange appointments with doctors but he'd end up turning up ok the wrong day and missing them. She'd put them on the calendar but he still got them wrong.

It was another friend, Sam, who noticed it first, that all these episodes happened around her and the home. He told us all and I'll be honest, despite not liking her and her fake niceness I wasn't convinced.

Our friend definitely wasn't convinced but Sam managed to talk him into putting cameras up at the home, not telling her and re-watching them.

It only took two days to catch her it was crazy. He came home put his phone on the side and said he was running upstairs real quick.

Once he was out of sight, she grabbed his phone and hid it in the teapot. He came down, couldn't find his phone and asked if she'd seen it. She said no and helped him look and he was getting distressed and she was saying things like "this is why I'm worried about you" and "you might have a tumor or something."

Then she told him to check upstairs and when he was gone she got the phone back out and put it on the windowsill rather than the counter. He came down saw it and she said "see you was nearly right with it, it wasn't far away from where you thought."

Over the next few days she would do this constantly with keys, remotes, wallets. They wouldn't be moved far from where he thought but enough to make him start to think he was losing his mind.

After four days of recording, she offered to book him another doctor's appointment. She made it and wrote it on the calendar, then she went in to a cupboard, got another calendar exactly the same and wrote the appointment on the day before and hung that one.

That night he confronted her with videos of her doing all this and she calmly packed all the stuff she could into a couple of bags and just left without giving him any explanation at all and never spoke to him again or made any effort to contact him.

He ended up sending the evidence to her parents asking them to get her help but no one knows if they did. Within a couple of years she was married to someone else.

So it took him five years to find out how crazy she was and he never found out why she was like that and why she did it to him.

- Feeblemindedbrother

Hi, Mom

My mom had recently died and a girl I knew started coming over and explaining how she went though something similar.

We really connected over it. We had full on cries together over her moms passing.

Imagine my surprise 6 months into our relationship when her mom showed up randomly one day.

- TheDigitalNinja

Oh, but if you thought long term deception was the only way to tank a relationship, you thought WAY wrong.

There are other ways, like...

So Much For All That Talk

He was very anti cheating.

He cut off ties with friends who cheated on their girlfriends or wives. He went on rants about how he was just starting to like his cousins husband until he cheated.

His mother cheated on his father, which caused a divorce when he was 5. He saw it as the thing that broke apart his family, and swore to never cheat or forgive or tolerate cheating.

Whatdoyaknow, he cheats on me.

So much for all that talk.

- honestgoing

That sounds like my ex husband. Really disgusted by cheaters, would rant about cheaters. Found out after we were married he cheated on every girlfriend he had ... then me of course.

- Ilikezombiesnails

Compulsive

She lied more often than she told the truth.

She'd lied to me about a lot of things in her background. She'd lie to friends and acquaintances about things that weren't even important to sound more interesting. She'd lie about things that were important to get what she wanted. We'd get into arguments about it and she claimed everyone lives this way.

It became a much bigger problem for me after the divorce

- BigBobby2016

I dated a guy like that for a little over a year. Everything was a lie. Whole friends, stories of their pasts together, jobs he had, places he'd been, all lies.

- sugamonkey

That's Not How Poly Works

He decided 6 years into the relationship that he wanted to have multiple partners.

I don't mean he wanted to start swinging or he wanted an open relationship. He just wanted to have the same relationship he had with me, with a bunch of other women at the same time, and he wanted them to live with us.

Completely out of the blue.

I'm aware that polyamory is a thing, and I don't have a problem with people who are. I have friends who are.

It just isn't for me and I know enough from my friends to know that is absolutely NOT how you go about bringing it into a relationship.

- uncool4skool

And sometimes, the horrifying realizations and reevaluations don't actually lead to an unhappy ending!

Pizza Monsters

Eats the toppings off the pizza first. All of them, cheese included, like some kind of psycho. Then the plain crust. An absolute monster. Still married her.

- teej1211

I am the aforementioned wife.

And I would like to mention that I get at least one bite of pizza "as intended" in there. But, cheese/pepperoni roll-ups are not a thing to knock. They're perfect.

(Also: I am aware & fully embrace that this is my signature serial killer move.)

- groundbreakingMud92

You are not alone, I also eat pizza in this way!

- iridescantaf

I love eating pizza this way.

- legendaryreptile

The Honeymoon Phase

This One is kinda the reverse. For the first 5 years of my and my SO's relationship I was depressed due to some trauma I went through before we met.

After the 5 year mark we moved and I started going to school. During this time I changed a lot and became a lot happier and more stable and had a lot of energy.

My partner was in total disbelief and told me he couldn't believe how much I was flourishing in this new environment. It took a little bit of adjustment for the both of us. I was no longer as dependent on him and he tried to get to know the new me and figure out his new role now that he was no longer in a caregiving role but was just a regular boyfriend.

Ever since that move, our relationship has gotten better and better. Lockdown was a massive level up for us too. We were stuck together for months and discovered so many new things about one another and we have only grown closer since.

It sometimes feel like we did our relationship in reverse and now we are experiencing the honeymoon phase a decade into the relationship. I love him so much and he's my soul mate. I will spend the rest of my life showing him how much I love and appreciate him.

- advicemovingon

A Weekly Campaign

We were dating for over a year at this point, and I knew my man was kinda nerdy for sure, but didn't know the extent of it.

We lived together even, and he was so afraid of me judging him for playing D&D he just stopped playing when we started dating and never talked about it! Finally he did eventually bring up how he used to play weekly through his teenage years and I told him I'd like to join and wanted to support him.

He was honestly taken aback, not expecting a kind response.

I played for three years straight in his weekly campaign he ran, and he still plays weekly with another group of his friends and I help him flesh out his character designs and buy him the newest books whenever they come out.

Nerdy is my type! I don't know why he tried to hide it for over a year😂

- LittleRedSongbird

Just tell the truth, folks.