People Explain Which Unsettling Things They've Discovered About Their Partner That Made Them Reevaluate The Relationship
So let's tell the story about the time I accidentally dated a whole-a$s child for a year.
It was my first year of college, I met a really cute guy at my part time job. We became friends pretty quickly, which turned into dates, hanging out with his family, etc.
The whole time he, and his family, tell me he is 23.
We date totally normally. Go out to dinner, bars, hang out on the beach - cute people stuff.
He never has a problem ordering drinks, getting into places, etc. Nothing about this 6'1" man with a beard seems suspicious to me in any way.
He lived at home, but so did I. Broke college students, you know?
Then his "24th" birthday rolls around and all his friends show up to surprise him - except they roll up with pretty much every "legal adult" joke possible about how now he can vote and get into strip clubs etc. Cat was BIG TIME out of the bag.
Turns out he and his family agreed to lie to me because they liked me and I "had potential" as a long term partner. He told his friends I "went to another school" and since I'm under 5 feet tall and was only about 20 at the time, I didn't look old enough to raise any suspicions from them.
This dude and his family were just going to run with it until he was a legal adult and it "didn't matter in the eyes of the law, just like it doesn't matter in our hearts."
NOPE. They could not grasp why I dumped him.
So anyway, one Reddit user asked:
and I'm thinking there's no way a whole bunch of other people have experiences with bizarre long cons ... right?
Yeah not only have other people dealt with long term deception, I wasn't even the only person to have that deception mean they dated a teenager when they thought they were dating an adult.
Behold the wasteland that is Reddit relationships ...
The Real Story
He told me upfront he had been in prison for attempted murder.
His story: He caught his ex-wife's new boyfriend beating her in front of their kids. He beat him up bad enough the guy got brain damage. Ended up with prison time.
A year into the relationship he told me.....
The Real Story: He broke into his ex-wife's house, watched her and the new guy sleep for a while and then stabbed the guy 7 times with a hunting knife. Guy is a vegetable now.
We were having dinner at his brother's house and his brother made an off-hand comment about him and big knives. I was really puzzled and the brother could tell.
My ex literally was just like "OH, I didn't want you to not like me."
I couldn't be comfortable around him after that.
There were red flags prior but I wanted to be happy. For example, he wanted to spend all of our free time together. I took one night "off" from seeing him..... just to be me, do my own thing. Woke up to a note from him taped to my bedroom window.
Everyone was like "WOW he's so into you! He really loves you! That's so romantic!"
Later after finding out about the attempted murder and its circumstances my skin just crawled. I felt like I was going to end up on forensic files. We broke up shortly thereafter.
Age Ain't Nuthin' But A Number
He lied about his age. Not just 1 or 2 years but 9 years.
Not as big an age gap, but happened to a friend too. She was 23 at the time and he was 17.
To her credit they met in a nightclub you need to be 18 to enter and he'd told all of us all he was 25 and he even looked it too. He admitted his age when she threatened him with the police.
Everyone couldn't believe it when we heard and only had his age confirmed when we asked the bouncers to ID him before letting him in and he got banned from that nightclub. Like I said this guy looked older, even to the bouncers, hence the never IDing him until someone asked them to.
Five Years And He Never Found Out Why
Not me but my friend and it could be a movie on mental abuse. It took him nearly five years to find out how awful she was.
He was with a woman for five years. They moved in after a year and that's when he started getting "forgetful." They were only mid-20s but he started forgetting where he had put things, losing stuff, getting dates wrong etc.
The strange thing was it was only to do with things at home and his girlfriend. He'd come out with us and reminisce perfectly about old stories, he'd remember our birthdays and we shared a garage that we stored our bikes and stuff in and he'd never misplace a tool or anything there.
However, at home, he'd lose tools, keys, bank cards, phones etc and then they'd turn up somewhere else. He got his girlfriend's families birthdays wrong. He'd go to appointments on the wrong days or miss important phone calls.
Even things like on Facebook people would be wishing him happy birthday on the wrong day because he'd put his wrong birthday in.
It was really getting him down and he was doubting himself constantly, his girlfriend would arrange appointments with doctors but he'd end up turning up ok the wrong day and missing them. She'd put them on the calendar but he still got them wrong.
It was another friend, Sam, who noticed it first, that all these episodes happened around her and the home. He told us all and I'll be honest, despite not liking her and her fake niceness I wasn't convinced.
Our friend definitely wasn't convinced but Sam managed to talk him into putting cameras up at the home, not telling her and re-watching them.
It only took two days to catch her it was crazy. He came home put his phone on the side and said he was running upstairs real quick.
Once he was out of sight, she grabbed his phone and hid it in the teapot. He came down, couldn't find his phone and asked if she'd seen it. She said no and helped him look and he was getting distressed and she was saying things like "this is why I'm worried about you" and "you might have a tumor or something."
Then she told him to check upstairs and when he was gone she got the phone back out and put it on the windowsill rather than the counter. He came down saw it and she said "see you was nearly right with it, it wasn't far away from where you thought."
Over the next few days she would do this constantly with keys, remotes, wallets. They wouldn't be moved far from where he thought but enough to make him start to think he was losing his mind.
After four days of recording, she offered to book him another doctor's appointment. She made it and wrote it on the calendar, then she went in to a cupboard, got another calendar exactly the same and wrote the appointment on the day before and hung that one.
That night he confronted her with videos of her doing all this and she calmly packed all the stuff she could into a couple of bags and just left without giving him any explanation at all and never spoke to him again or made any effort to contact him.
He ended up sending the evidence to her parents asking them to get her help but no one knows if they did. Within a couple of years she was married to someone else.
So it took him five years to find out how crazy she was and he never found out why she was like that and why she did it to him.
Hi, MomChristmas In Rockefeller 2019 GIF by NBC Giphy
My mom had recently died and a girl I knew started coming over and explaining how she went though something similar.
We really connected over it. We had full on cries together over her moms passing.
Imagine my surprise 6 months into our relationship when her mom showed up randomly one day.
Oh, but if you thought long term deception was the only way to tank a relationship, you thought WAY wrong. There are other ways, like:
So Much For All That Talk
He was very anti cheating.
He cut off ties with friends who cheated on their girlfriends or wives. He went on rants about how he was just starting to like his cousins husband until he cheated.
His mother cheated on his father, which caused a divorce when he was 5. He saw it as the thing that broke apart his family, and swore to never cheat or forgive or tolerate cheating.
Whatdoyaknow, he cheats on me.
So much for all that talk.
That sounds like my ex husband. Really disgusted by cheaters, would rant about cheaters. Found out after we were married he cheated on every girlfriend he had ... then me of course.
She lied more often than she told the truth.
She'd lied to me about a lot of things in her background. She'd lie to friends and acquaintances about things that weren't even important to sound more interesting. She'd lie about things that were important to get what she wanted. We'd get into arguments about it and she claimed everyone lives this way.
It became a much bigger problem for me after the divorce
That's Not How Poly Works
He decided 6 years into the relationship that he wanted to have multiple partners.
I don't mean he wanted to start swinging or he wanted an open relationship. He just wanted to have the same relationship he had with me, with a bunch of other women at the same time, and he wanted them to live with us.
Completely out of the blue.
I'm aware that polyamory is a thing, and I don't have a problem with people who are. I have friends who are.
It just isn't for me and I know enough from my friends to know that is absolutely NOT how you go about bringing it into a relationship.
And sometimes, the horrifying realizations and reevaluations don't actually lead to an unhappy ending!
Pizza Monstersgirl cheese GIF by Pizza Hut Latam Giphy
Eats the toppings off the pizza first. All of them, cheese included, like some kind of psycho. Then the plain crust. An absolute monster. Still married her.
And I would like to mention that I get at least one bite of pizza "as intended" in there. But, cheese/pepperoni roll-ups are not a thing to knock. They're perfect.
(Also: I am aware & fully embrace that this is my signature serial killer move.)
You are not alone, I also eat pizza in this way!
I love eating pizza this way.
The Honeymoon Phase
This One is kinda the reverse. For the first 5 years of my and my SO's relationship I was depressed due to some trauma I went through before we met.
After the 5 year mark we moved and I started going to school. During this time I changed a lot and became a lot happier and more stable and had a lot of energy.
My partner was in total disbelief and told me he couldn't believe how much I was flourishing in this new environment. It took a little bit of adjustment for the both of us. I was no longer as dependent on him and he tried to get to know the new me and figure out his new role now that he was no longer in a caregiving role but was just a regular boyfriend.
Ever since that move, our relationship has gotten better and better. Lockdown was a massive level up for us too. We were stuck together for months and discovered so many new things about one another and we have only grown closer since.
It sometimes feel like we did our relationship in reverse and now we are experiencing the honeymoon phase a decade into the relationship. I love him so much and he's my soul mate. I will spend the rest of my life showing him how much I love and appreciate him.
A Weekly Campaign
We were dating for over a year at this point, and I knew my man was kinda nerdy for sure, but didn't know the extent of it.
We lived together even, and he was so afraid of me judging him for playing D&D he just stopped playing when we started dating and never talked about it! Finally he did eventually bring up how he used to play weekly through his teenage years and I told him I'd like to join and wanted to support him.
He was honestly taken aback, not expecting a kind response.
I played for three years straight in his weekly campaign he ran, and he still plays weekly with another group of his friends and I help him flesh out his character designs and buy him the newest books whenever they come out.
Nerdy is my type! I don't know why he tried to hide it for over a year😂
Sometimes you just don't have any money and you have to make it work. I learned how to make the most out of bargains at the grocery store and know how to make food that is hearty and will last more than a day or two. Beans and rice are your friends, by the way. You'd be surprised by how many delicious meals you can make with just these two basic ingredients.
Being poor requires you to be creative.
Penny pinching is an art, as we were so deftly reminded after Redditor naranja_cheese asked the online community,
"What is the most penny pinching you've ever done?"
"I used to steal..."
"I used to steal half-used rolls of tp when I was a janitor. Lived off white rice and Worcestershire sauce for months. Got a job as a cook & always saved a few scraps while plating people's food so I would have something to eat without paying for a meal. Also worked at a butcher shop& would take home bones to roast and make a stew with. I can share hundreds of things like this."
"I worked part-time..."
"I worked part-time in school, but was pretty broke. I wasn't being paid until the following day, and I needed soy sauce for my extra super tasty stir fry. I literally had negative funds in my account. So I went to the grocery store, grabbed a sushi tray, threw a ton of packets of soy sauce in my pocket (they don't charge you for these), wandered a bit, pretended I changed my mind, and left."
"While at the grocery store..."
"While at the grocery store, putting back that pack of chicken breast that cost $2.98 for the other pack of chicken breast that cost $2.95."
"Things were insanely tight..."
"Used to make my own laundry detergent during a time when we had relocated and our prior home had not sold so we had rent on top of a mortgage for 18 months. Things were insanely tight in those days, to say the least."
I definitely know what this is like.
"I took some cedar boards..."
"I had no money for Christmas gifts. I only had enough to pay rent. I took some cedar boards in the backyard, cut them, burnt them a little black as I had no money to finish them. Then I passed them off as cutting boards."
"One Friday night..."
"One Friday night in college, my two buddies and I had a grand total of $3 to our names. I bought a box of Mac 'n Cheese, a can(!) of escargot, and three Lil' Debbie Star Crunches. We had a full meal with starch, protein, and dessert."
"I lived on pasta..."
"When I was at university my entire budget was less than £40 a week. I lived on pasta and stolen sauce packets from the Students Union. The cafeteria ladies would always take pity on me at closing time and give me free burgers."
"I lost my job..."
"I lost my job and lived in a $1400/month apartment where electricity (which included heat) and internet were ludicrously expensive. $400-450 a month in the winter because the building was an old mill with huge windows and no insulation. Fortunately, gas and water were free."
"I only turned on my lights when I had to, turned off the heat entirely, and heated my apartment by boiling a huge pot of water on the gas stove 24 hours a day and going to the business center to use the free DSL connection to apply for jobs. I ate rice with frozen vegetables and spices for three months."
"It sucked, but I got by."
Hopefully things are much better now.
"If I ate fast food..."
"If I ate fast food or takeout food, I would ask for extra sauce packets or garnishes that they give out for free. I would stock up on them, use them when I cook instead of buying the stuff from the store. For example, a $1 box of pasta, a clove of garlic, and 2-3 ramekins of parm cheese, half ramekin of chili flakes, and a pinch of Italian herbs I got from a pizza place makes a quick meal."
"My local mall..."
"My local mall used to do paid surveys, you'd watch a video or try some new soda or whatever and they'd give you a couple of dollars. Then I'd use that to buy a meal."
Sometimes you've just gotta do what you've gotta do. It's not easy.
Have some stories of your own? Feel free to tell us about them in the comments below!
Now, this isn't going to be a long, "Let's all pile on how bad the internet is and only think about the good ol' days when the rocks were soft and we could only communicate using cans with string."
People old enough to remember life pre-Internet, what are some less obvious things you miss about that time?
Many habits we used to possess were made completely irrelevant thanks to the internet. Not that we didn't enjoy doing them, we just started asking ourselves, "What's the point?"
Completely Devoid Of Technological Interference
"Leaving home and just being gone for the day. No cell phones. If there were cameras, it was really different. You used them to take pictures of things or had people take pictures of you. But there was no social media to preoccupy your mind. It was just doing something. And whoever you were with, was who you were with."
No One Needs 24 Hours Of Nonsense
"News only being on at 6pm. That was it. Now we have 6 hours of local news and 24 hours of cable news. Not being bombarded all day with "news." And when you saw "Breaking News" on the screen you knew something serious went down."
You Mean We Actually Have To Go?
"It used to be a lot harder to bail on things. You'd have to call the person at home and tell them yourself, or at least leave a message if you wanted to be risky. Typically if you were gonna bail you'd give at least 24 hours notice. Nowadays people can let you know they're bailing last second since you're always reachable."
"RSVPing mattered. If you said you were going to be there, you made sure to be there. None of this facebook invites that everyone blows off without any form of social repercussions. If you said you were going to go and didn't go, you were the a--hole and everyone knew it."
You can get almost anything on the internet. Almost. Still no sign of real working Lightsabers anywhere out there, but the internet has eliminated many of our purchasing practices.
Just In Time For The Holidays!
"The Sears catalog. That was how I found out about all the cool new toys."
"Catalogs in general, for me. Before the internet made mindless browsing of stuff you didn't need ~really~ easy to do, we still liked doing this without having to drive to the mall. The solution? Sign your mom up for those cool seed catalogs, those not safe to browse at the office gag gift catalogs and then everything in between. That stuff was really nice to have when you grew up somewhere that was not even cable ready."
1 Good Song Out Of 15
"When you bought new music you just had to hope it was good. The single might be popular but otherwise unless someone had it you just bought it and hoped for the best."
"There was so much excitement to going to a cd store to buy an album that you only knew one song of or the band/artist name and just listening to that entire cd over and over again picking out which tracks were your favorite while still learning every lyric to all the songs on the album.
Building a cd collection was also fun."
Talk About The "Immediate Gratification" Generation, Huh?
"The instant win bottle caps / candy / chocolate bar wrappers where you could turn them back into the store and immediately get a free one. Now it's just codes you have to register on their website so they can get your info, i don't even bother anymore."
Finally, there's these activities, to difficult to explain to anyone who wasn't there. How do you get someone to understand that not having a supercomputer in your pocket at all hours of the day radically changed your life?
Keeping It In Front Of You
"I miss having an attention span of more than three seconds"
"It's so weird. I can only vaguely remember what it feels like to not have a smartphone and to be alone and think.
Wondering what my friends are doing and if they'd like to do something on the weekend. We'd have to talk during lunch break at school and plan it...
Trying to find the answer to a math problem... Having to figure it out by re-reading the problem and explanations 5 times."
There Used To Be A Time When You Couldn't Play Everything
"Not being overwhelmed by choice.
Don't get me wrong, having nearly every form of media downloadable is great, but back in the day, i rented a video game and i played that video game as much as i could.
Now, its hard to give it more than 2 seconds before i try one of the 20,000 games i have access to.
New game plus used to be cool. Now, I'm happy if just beat the game"
Floundering. Just A Little.
"My formative years were the 1980s. I remember like yesterday going to study in Paris my junior year of college. I got off the plane with no cell phone, no internet, a Let's Go Paris book, and just a hostel address written on a piece of paper I'd stuck in a French dictionary. I did not know a single person in all of France.
I had $500 of cash stuck in a money belt. The belt was tight and sweaty but that money had to last me for at least a month until I could find a part-time job with my lousy French. My "credit card" was my father's credit card numbers written down on a piece of paper. He told me I could only use it to buy a plane ticket home in an emergency.
I remember standing in the airport and having this powerful emotion of being 21 years old, scared sh-tless, but in absolutely completely control of my own destiny. There was absolutely nobody who could come rushing to my aid if I needed it. I was 100% on my own.
I'm actually very thankful for that experience. I found the hostel. I found a job. I made friends. I learned French. I made it all on my own which was just a big boost in life confidence.
I have no doubt if I'd had a cell phone I would've called my parents on Day 2, told them it was too hard, and been on the next plane home. But I had no other choice but to succeed."
We can never go back. Not really, anyway. The only way is to keep going forward, be aware of the effect the internet has on us, and do our best to not let it take away the things that really matter in our lives.
Look, unless you enjoy cooking, no one likes spending time in the kitchen longer than they have to in order to whip up something mediocre to eat.
Ordering food or, for the time being, enjoying a socially distanced lunch at an establishment is convenient, but it can take a toll on your wallet.
So what options are there?
Fortunately, there are plenty of them that do not involve nuking a frozen entree.
"What's your go-to under 5 minute meal?"
These dinner selections are super sufficient.
A Loaded Course
"Two hotdogs and a side of judgement from my fiancé"
In Case You Didn't Know
"Quesadilla. super quick and easy to make and there's a ton of ingredients that you can add without much effort that will make it even better."
"Ramen and an egg, but not the traditional way."
- "Boil roughly half an inch of water (we want just enough water to boil the noodles, with very little water left over when it's done boiling)."
- "Smash up the ramen noodles, while still in the package (optional but cooks MUCH faster)."
- "Open the package and remove the seasoning."
- "Dump the noodles in."
- "While boiling, crack an egg and whisk in a small bowl."
- "Noodles should be done and almost all the water should be gone, if not strain out some.
- Remove from the heat."
- "Slowly pour in the egg while mixing very quickly, try not to let the egg touch the pan."
- "Mix as much of the seasoning packet as you like (I prefer 1/2 - 3/4 because I usually add a salty component at the end.)"
- "Add to bowl and top with some chives, thinly sliced, ripped up ham/salami and/or parsley. Leftover bacon or pancetta are fantastic crunchy components to dial up the texture."
"Easy, fast and checks so many of the 'munchie' boxes for me."
Don't Underestimate Soups
"Tomato soup and add tortellini. I like the spinach ones from Trader Joe's and Progreso creamy tomato with basil. It's bomb and it really makes a decent meal."
For people in a rush, these tasty snacks would suffice.
Goes Well With Veggies And Cheese
"Hummus is such an underrated food. It goes well with a lot of veggies and breads and chips or heck even cheese. All the time I hear hummus being listed as one of those weird, gross foods when its actually an amazing snack, or a meal if done correctly. It's not really unhealthy, either, especially if eaten with veggies (celery and carrots go great with hummus)."
Ready In Seconds
"All I do is get a paper towel, and put 5 Oreos on it."
"Then go back and get the whole package."
Peanut Butter Fantasies
"Peanut butter sandwich."
"If I'm feeling extra froggy I'll add nutella to the peanut butter and honey sandwich and put it in the microwave for 30 seconds. Goes down about as well as a popeye's biscuit though."
"It's like cheating the system. You eat sweets and call it healthy."
Start your day without all the hassle of a fancy breakfast.
Put It In A Bowl
"Oatmeal or cereal."
"Cereal is definitely underrated as a meal outside of the breakfast dynamic."
"A very simple recipe my grandma prepared for me when i was a kid."
"It's basically scrambled eggs...but before adding the egg she would cook sweetcorn (from a can) with a little bit of butter, add the eggs and then when the eggs were almost ready, add small cubes of cheese and cook for a minute or until the cheese start to melt (she was using fontal, but any swiss or white cheddar will do). Just a little black pepper and salt."
"Takes 5 minutes to do but it's absolutely delicious, fill you up, not so unhealthy and I feel my late grandma with me."
'I tried variations with chives or spring onions, paprika or other stuff. Still good but nothing as good as a simple "uova strapazzate con mais e formaggio.'"
I consider yogurt a healthy snack/lunch option.
I like having a bowl of non-fat plain Greek yogurt with raspberries, blueberries, sprinkled with granola and drizzled with honey.
It's packed with nutrients and gives me a nice boost of energy.
Yogurt also makes for a perfect chip dip. I sprinkle some onion soup mix and stir in the mixture. Who knew quick and easy food prep could be so delicious?
We all like to assume that a big old scar has an amazing, hardcore story behind it: maybe a valiant fight or some life threatening-escape.
But despite what Hollywood would have us think, that is so rarely the case.
Usually, some kind of bizarre accident leaves us with the biggest scar of our life. There's no action movie story behind it, just a careful mixture of foolishness and bad luck.
Clearly not put off by some gruesome anecdotes, Redditor fluffybear45 asked:
"People with scars, how did you get them?"
For many, it was the wild antics of childhood that left them slightly maimed. With many years now separating the Redditor from the event, these were pretty hilarious.
Out of Nowhere!
"I was playing on a swing and then my leg got stuck in barbed wire." -- Soviet_God-Emperor
"I feel like we missed a couple steps here, or your local park had some serious issues." -- Henfrid
"Yo that went from 0 to 100 real fast" -- IHaveButt
"2nd grade, defective slip-n-slide." -- AdmiralAkbar1
"I'm pretty sure the general design of the slip'n'slide was defective. Those stakes weren't covered originally, so you had to be straight down the middle of the slide or else....." -- Q-burt
"Could you refer to this incident in a gravely voice while staring into the middle distance, pausing only to shudder and sip your scotch?" -- CaptValentine
That's Why You Need an Axe Yard
"My dad hit me with an axe (bladed side) in the face. Stupid 10 yo me just had to look over his shoulder while he was hammering in herrings for our tent."
Others talked about freak accidents that came not from the stupidity of childhood, but the bad luck of mistakes made as an adult.
Bad Conditions for Practice
"Dad gave me a folding knife for Christmas"
"I read online that you could flick it open with one hand"
"So I practiced it, after my hands were greasy from eating a burger"
Take Your Pick
"Multiple long scars on my back are from falling onto a old soviet steel welcome mat ( i dont know how to describe it in english but its meant to wipe dirt of your shoes with triangle shaped steel beams."
"Medium sized one on my forearm is from a barbed wire fence, another one next to it is from a motorcycle accident and one on the base on my thumb is from a cars hood slipping and cutting me."
One Heck Of a Fall
" 'This one is from a skateboard, this one was a truck accident, and this one was a fire hydrant.' "
" 'Oh really? I bet each one has a very unique story.' "
" 'Not really, I skateboarded off of a truck into a fire hydrant.' "
Last, some people talked about the medical procedures that left them with the big gash. These stories had some ninth grade words and not nearly as much stupidity.
"A rare auto immune disorder called pyoderma gangrenosum twice... Don't google If you don't like gore... I had to have daily wound care and high doses of medical steroids"
"My intestines telescoped on themselves 8" scar on my belly." -- Anom8675309
"I never wanted to see the words 'intestines' and 'telescoped' together. Ouch." -- LadySygerrik
"I was born 2 months premature. I wasn't born with an esophagus so drs. cut my stomach open and used parts of my colon or intestines and created a new one for me. I have a huge scar on my neck and my stomach is one big scar. Also had a stomach feeding tube for quite a bit and heart surgery at 2 days old."
"I love science. I wouldn't have experienced life if it hadn't been for advances in medical science."
So if you've been sitting on an embarrassing backstory for one of your scars, feel free to share. You're hardly alone.