Being a tour guide of any kind is sort of like being a parent to toddlers. And, as any toddler parent will tell you, they try to do three things simultaneously:
- Not listen to your directions.
- Get lost.
- Accidentally, but really on purpose, try to get themselves killed.
Now replace "toddler" with "full-grown adults" and you see the issues tour guides face on a regular basis.
Reddit user, [usernameredacted], wanted to know how things went wrong overseas when they asked:
"Tour guides of Reddit, what's the worst thing a tourist has ever done under your supervision?"
Can we all just agree that we should leave animals alone when they're out in their natural habitat? Please?
Don't Tick Off The Bulls
"I worked at a living history farm museum."
"I had a kid that was climbing on stuff the whole tour in the farm house and trying to get behind the Smith in the blacksmith shop during a demo."
"After the tour when people are allowed to roam the grounds, I hear his mom screaming and look over to the barn and this kid has climbed the fence into the field with our long horn oxen and is trying to poke them with a stick."
" I walk over and calmly told him to get out of the field before our lazy oxen decide they've had enough, but this jack off decides to look me in the eye and smack Ted on the butt with the stick like it's a riding crop."
"Ted, bless him, just kinda jumps a little and whips his head around with a WTF dude look on his face."
"But seeing as he's a long horn, he just wipes this kid out with one of his horns when he turned his head."
"Kid goes flying into the dirt and is having a melt down."
"Mom is freaking out. I'm like dude, get the hell out of the pen before Ted actually gets mad."
"So this kid is crying and trying to climb the fence out of the field and Bill, who has been watching this whole thing waits until the kid is almost over the fence and walks up to him and nudges him in the butt with his nose and pushes him off the top of the fence."
"It was everything I could do to keep from laughing."
"Kid was fine, Ted was fine, but the kid and his mom were promptly kicked out of the museum."
"Their dad and little sister were allowed to stay because she was well behaved and was just enjoying petting the goats at the petting zoo."
"So since the kid had to leave but his sister didn't there was a temper tantrum in the parking lot that could be heard all the way to the other side of the farm."
"But the oxen got some extra grain that night, so I guess they won in the end."- PtolemyShadow
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Snap, Snap
"Tour guide at a university."
"Small group gets into our gardens where there's a big turtle pond."
"Girl gets excited and wants a close up of the largest snapping turtle."
"Girl loses her phone to the turtle and tries to get the university to buy her a new one."
"Girl was lucky she still has all her fingers..." - Bengmann
Yank, Yank, OW
"My cousin is a tourist guide and biologist, most of his tours are in Africa."
"He instructed his group of 20-25 people including kids not to wear any type of earrings or collars especially shiny stuff since they were about to go into a thick forest to try to see a bunch of animals."
"This is very important because 20-25 make a lot of noise which makes wild animals run away or hide, it's even worse if they're wearing shiny stuff they can spot from far away."
"Ok so this woman complains, decides to wear shiny earrings anyway, cousin tells her to get rid of them or she ain't coming with the group so she obeys but puts them on a bit later."
"Some species of monkeys in that area LOVE shiny stuff. They ripped the earrings from her ears."- shave_your_teeth_pls
Learn To Keep Your Hands To Yourself
"I was working on a tourist island in Australia when this man pulled out almost all the back feathers of a peacock because he wanted to keep one."
"He sneaked up behind it, and grabbed a huge handful and yanked them all out."
"He was immediately escorted off the island."
"The peacock had a huge bare patch and most of its beautiful feathers were gone :("- mugsandcoveve
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Punching Way Above Their Weight Class
"I had a guest, snorkeling try and grab the tail of a barracuda as he swam up behind it."
"Luckily I was able to hit the guest with a dive fin from the boat to stop him before he got ahold. If he had grabbed on, I’m sure he would have been ripped to pieces by that fish." - fkirwan82
You have to wonder what kind of people aren't going to listen to the tour guide. Honestly, it's not hard. Just don't do the thing they're telling you not to do.
Why Wouldn't You At Least Take A Swimming Lesson First?
"Former whitewater rafting guide."
"There's a calmer section of the river people can, if they choose to, hop out and swim through."
"They are wearing life jackets so you can just float through it."
"This woman decides she wants to try it and hops out."
"After she pops up she slowly tilts forward until just the back of her jacket is out of the water and she's completely still."
"After 5 or so seconds of this I start to realize this might not be intentional and paddle over and physically pick her head up above the water followed by her gasping for air."
"I haul her in the boat and ask what happened."
"She said she didn't know what to do as she'd 'never been submerged in water before'."
"1) why are you on a whitewater rafting trip?"
"2) why didn't your strategy involve moving your body?"- b771
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Thankful For Teachers Every Day
"I used to work at a heritage site. It was an old military installation with a lot of remaining original structures (bunk beds, cafeteria equipment, computers etc.)."
"Everyday it was a constant effort to remind people (read: kids) NOT to jump on the beds, not to slam doors open, not to punch every button like it owes them money."
"The absolute worst was a group of kids on a school trip."
"Within the first ten minutes we're walking through the tech portion of the exhibit, where we had a wall lined with Burroughs large systems machines (B5000's), all behind this little fence about waist-high."
"I turn to demonstrate some of the pieces, and when I look back at the group one of them had jumped over the barrier, opened one of the units and started pulling out handfuls of digital tape from the reels inside."
"I just about jumped on the kid when their teacher did just that."
"She jumped the barrier, smacked the kids hands and took him outside."
"I immediately ended the tour and had them all refunded, as I couldn't imagine what else could happen."- sassymatty
But, of course, they don't listen.
And bad things happen.
You Tell Them What Would Happen, And Then It Happens
"I work at a brewery tap room and take people on brewery tours."
"During fermentation CO2 is produced and excess comes out through a run off pipe and into a water bucket."
"One of the attendees, who was being a pain and trying to be funny but nobody was laughing, asked me what the pipe was for, so I gladly explained."
"He then asked what would happen if he breathed it in... in disbelief of his stupidity I told him he would pass out/damage his brain, he then proceeded to grab the pipe and take a breath."
"He was then ejected and barred. Some people are just beyond belief."- tedandrassy
But...Why?
"Friend of mine does tours of whiskey museums in Dublin."
"Someone took a sh-t in one of the exhibition rooms."- Eoinoconn
You Get What You Deserve
"I work at the National Cathedral, and a tourist took a small votive candle, and lit their friend's hat on fire."
"It didn't spread or set off any alarms, but it got through most of his hat and almost caught his hair on fire."
"He was also really overreacting, and he threw his burned hat into the organ."
"The Cathedral suffered from earthquake damage in 2011, and we borrowed one of their ladders to get it down."-not_hacking12
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"You're trying to seduce me... aren't you?"
"Bit late to the party, but what the heck."
"I gave tours in the French Quarter in New Orleans for about a year, and I had this one drunk older woman who kept nip-slipping and trying to flirt with me as I was trying to talk."
"It was really uncomfortable and kept throwing off my focus, but thankfully she wandered off about halfway through the tour."- Throway9591
We like to live dangerously
"Ran after a bear cub trying to get a picture."
"Was astonished after I yelled at them and asked 'are they dangerous?'
'Yes they are'."
"'They're bears'."
"Two days ago I warned a few people about an agitated moose up the trail and two of them got excited and ran towards it with cameras while I tried to explain why that was an awful idea."
"Tourists f*cking crave death I swear to god."- plantoyo
Maybe I'll listen next time
"Not a tour guide, just an idiot."
"About ten years ago, my grandma took me and my sister on what we decided to affectionately call an 'Old People Bus Tour' out west for a couple of weeks."
"Our parents decided to come along as well because it seemed fun, and it totally was."
"We went all over and saw some really amazing sights, but when we got to Arches National Park, for SOME unknown reason my Monkey Brain kicked in and went 'IMMA CLIMB IT!' as soon as we got to the entrance of the first path."
"Thankfully, it wasn't enormously dangerous, but it wasn't until I spontaneously scaled the bottom half of the arch and turned around to sit proudly looking at everything that I saw everybody's faces and it clicked that maybe I should climb back down and knock it off."
"I wish I could use the excuse that I was just a dumb kid, but I was in my mid 20s at the time."- MyLaundryStinks
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How long have you got?
"I was a tour guide in hollywood for a few years."
"I cannot even begin to choose a story."- adhominem4theweak
Putting everyone in danger
"Tour guide here, there was this one guy who tried to swim in the ocean at Peggy’s cove."
"As some of you may know the currents are incredibly strong and I had warned everyone to not even go near the ocean."
"But this one moron didn’t listen and I had to hall his a** back to shore."
"We both almost drowned."
"D*ck."- LegendaryPineappleYT
Mind the gap
"Customer."
"So the tourist was in front of the tour guide."
"He said SHUT YOUR’E F*CKING MOUTH UP to a woman."
"I think was on a vacation with her child and she only yawned before She said SIR DO NOT SAY THAT INFRONT OF MY CHILD and she smacked him and he fell of the cliff and almost died."
"I went down and I said Sir are uh you okay?"
"He said NO IM NOT F*CKING OKAY YOU FUCKING DUMBASS."- f*ckboymigeee
Why do American tourists get such a bad rap?
"Not the worst on here but still bad."
"In between years one and two of uni, I took a job in a musem showing people around talking about the stuff on show."
"The group was behaving mostly ok, but this one American family, trying to touch things that out not be touched."
"And just being loud and obnoxious."
"I think I have it all under contorl untill we enter the Gree/Roman rooms."
"We have a replica Roman Legionary armor, weapon sheild and stick which held all the equipment."
"All in all its about 45KG (about 7stone) in weight for everything."
"Now this can be tried on to show people what Roman Legionaires had to go thorough on a march. we stopped to let those that wanted to, to try it on. now it was very clear that the dad, think Gun toting Texan from the Simpsons, was far to large for the armor, but i didn't say anything as even if he and his kin have been d*cks."
"I don't want to be rude."
"Anyway after it becomes clear even the helmet wont fit he gets moody and just drops it to the floor, lucky another group member caught it in time, and wanders of to 'look' at the real weapons that had been revoved from dig sites."
" Now one of the pride and joys of this museum is a fully intact Roman short sword with battle nicks showing that it had been used in battle, now these are far and few between, so anyone thats found is hightly exsiting for the Achaeologist that uncovers it."
"Anyway I am giving my speech about how far the Legionnaires had to march in a day and the set up of camps and the like, when there is a loud SMASH from the sword case,followed by the alarm going off."
" This dumb American had tried to prize open the case to get a better 'look' at it."
"There's lots of yelling as guards rush in."
" The damn fool still tried to pick it up but when he saw the guard rushing him he dropped it back into the stand THANK THE GODS IT DIDN'T BRAKE."
"He and his family were promptly kicked out and band for life but not before he offered to buy the sword."
"'I'll give y'all $20 for the thing and maybe we can for get the glass'."
"$20 you heard read it right."
"These things if sold, they really shouldn't be, go for 10 of thousands of pounds."- Emrys91·3y ago
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When you Gotta go...
"Cave tour guide."
"South American man pisses on the floor during total darkness."- ZootZephyr
"Would you like to ride in my beautiful balloon?"
"Not a tour guide."
"Went on a Hot Air Balloon Tour of the Temecula Valley and our tour guide told us this story he experienced."
"For those that don't know, Hot Air Balloons have ZERO safety features for the passengers."
"You can fall or jump out very easily."
"So our guide was on a tour and somebody jumped out of the balloon."
"Turns out he had a parachute on."
"Don't remember exactly what happened to him, but he did get in legal trouble, of course."-
Who's the real animal here?
"I was on a trip to Thailand and we were at this Night Safari place, it wasn't a legit safari thank goodness, and we were all on the tram type thing and we went into the hyenas cage and this guy jumps out and tries to take a selfie with it."
"Luckily they were just fed and weren't as wild as the ones in the wild."
"He ran back as a few started to get up and yip."
"Afterward he was kicked out with no refund as you would expect."
"Some people just blow my mind."- SirDankius
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Just follow the rules next time you're in a tour group?
It's that simple.
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Never miss another big, odd, funny, or heartbreaking moment again.
When we're intoxicated, or even the slightest bit tipsy from having a little too much to drink, our immediate perspective on things is hazy.
But there's nothing like a bit of alarming news or a jarring incident to snap us out of the fog and focus on the moment.
Sometimes alcohol isn't always to blame for our impairment.
It can be a state of mind, like a perpetual numbness from being complacent in life, and all it takes is one shocking moment to rattle us back to our senses.
Curious to hear from strangers online about this type of scenario, Redditor Known_Challenge_7150 asked:
"What’s one thing that sobered you up real quick?"
These individuals were witness to shocking events that sobered them up right quick.
Bleeding Out
"Got out of a taxi and found a naked man profusely bleeding from his head crawling up the driveway in my condo. Called him an ambulance completely forgot I was absolutely wasted until 45 minutes later when I'd helped him translate and in to an amublance and stepped in my front door."
"Later a few days later learned he'd slipped in the tub and literally crawled out for help. Poor dude. He was fine but I genuinely thought he was going to die there."
– DongLaiCha
Tragic News
"At a bachelor party and we got a phone call that the groom’s father had suddenly passed."
– accountnameredacted
Bottom Of The Barrel
"I went to visit my parents back in July. I was homeless and deep into fentanyl addiction so I lost a lot of weight. My folks could see it. They knew something was up. Anyway, I spent the night and I was getting ready to leave in the morning and I looked at myself in the mirror for a good long time. I finally had enough and told them everything. They took me to detox, from there I went to rehab. Graduated in August and been living with them ever since then. I have 160 days clean and sober."
– Crotch-Monster
A reality check can be enough for some people to snap out of it.
Like Father, Like Son
"Was driving a drunk friend home, he had been on a bender again and was smart enough to call me for a lift rather than try and drive. As I helped in to his house his mother came down the stairs and said 'your as drunk as your father' and went back upstairs. I haven't seen him drunk since then, he still drinks but the thought of turning into his dad scared him out of hard drinking."
– psycospaz
Busted
"Flashing blue lights."
– FiddleOfGold
"This sobered me up just thinking about it."
– redmaple_syrup
Losing Sight
"Woke up to no sight in one eye. I had cataract surgery so just thought one of the lenses had slipped and it was an easy fix. Eye doc says nope, you had a stroke. I loved soy sauce, teriyaki sauce and salty food, which caused high blood pressure, which caused retina damage. Over six months was able to get most of my eyesight back with medication, and all back within a year. Trying to navigate life with one eye was very sobering. Started taking HBP much more seriously."
– MissHibernia
Quitting The Bottle
"Looked up someone I went to highschool with who was an awesome guy. Found out he had been dead for 3 years from alcoholism, at age 33. I made an overnight change. I hadn't started drinking that night yet, 10 months ago. Haven't touched it again since."
– omgtater
These disturbing moments were enough for Redditors to immediately come to their senses.
Unplanned House Guests
"Me and a buddy Woke up in someone’s living room, realized neither one of us knew the people, they were just nice and let 2 drunk guys sleep on their living room floor. We didn’t even say goodbye."
– Oneinsevenbillion75
Serious Health Warning
"Elevated liver enzymes."
"And the knowledge that this sh** was gonna kill me and I just couldn't orphan my family over it."
"So I opted for recovery, instead."
"Clean and sober since June 5, 2009."
– Far_Meal8674
The Joyride
"Grew up in a rural area. The little town hosted dances at the hockey arena, everyone (adults and kids) went and they overserved everyone, regardless of age. I was maybe 16 or 17 and was absolutely sh*tfaced, and jumped in the back of someone's truck with about 8 other people to go back to someone's cottage for after dance drinking. The driver (still don't know who it was) started racing one of his buddies and we whipped around small dirt roads, flying around blind corners on the wrong side of the road, going god knows how fast. It was basically a disaster waiting to happen. It was crazy scary and I was sober and thankful to be alive when we finally arrived."
– foxfood9116
The human psyche is a fascinating thing, isn't it?
How we can automatically focus on something urgent at a crucial time, even after getting buzzed from drinking too much alcohol.
But as we're in the thick of the holidays, it's a good reminder to drink responsibly and stay off the roads if you drive to your celebratory destination.
Cheers. Stay safe. And happy holidays.
We've all complained or vented about something in our lives which, in the grand scheme of things, wasn't exactly a problem, or is very easily solved.
Then there are those who complain about things that others almost hope will happen to them at some point in their lives.
These are known as "first world problems", as they are problems that pretty much only the world's one percent faces.
From having to fly business class instead of first class, or being served Roederer instead of Dom Pérignon, these complaints are often met with amusement, bewilderment, or even anger.
Redditor jennimackenzie was curious to hear the most absurd "first world problems" anyone ever complained about, leading them to ask:
"What’s the most ridiculous 'first world problem' you’ve seen people get worked up over?"
"Tale As Old As Time..."
"I once knew a mom who was legitimately devastated, to the point of tears/grief, because a doctor predicted her 8 year old daughter's final height to be around 5'2","
"Which wasn't tall enough to get cast as Belle at Disney World."
"That was the child's (and her mother's) only dream in life, apparently."
"Didn't appreciate my suggestion that she could be Minnie or Mickey."
"Lol!"
"Only a face character would do!"- TravelLovingMom
"Must Be Funny, In A Rich Man's World..."
"My boss from about a decade ago was this insanely rich dude who always went to the bank to get fresh and crisp currency."
"He'd call the bank in advance to make sure they had some on hand."
"I think he was a germaphobe."
"He had a trash can that he'd throw $1 and $5 bills in that he thought was 'dirty' and regularly just donated it vs spending it."
"I asked him why he did this and he said it was too much trouble and asked if I wanted it."
"I said f*ck yeah dumped it into my bag and when I got home it was close to $400 in singles and fives.
"Another time, he wanted to upgrade all the computers in his studio, so we went to a store and bought 10 PCs."
"They all had $150 mail in rebates and he wasn't bothered to go through the trouble of mailing them in."
"3 weeks later I received $1500 after spending a whole afternoon filling out all those goddamn forms."- azninvasion2000
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Who Wore It Better?
"When I was about 19 years old, I was at my boyfriends family BBQ."
"I was wearing this pretty floral sundress."
"His cousins girlfriend showed up in the same dress and she was SO mad that she went and changed."
"I will never understand being upset when someone is wearing the same thing as you.'
"Did you really think that your shirt you bought off the rack is going to be unique to you?"
"No."- mertsey627
Seeing Red! Or Blue In This Case...
"The blue of the balloons wasn't quite the same as the bridesmaid's sashes."
"Years ago my wife and I attended a wedding."
"It was very low key."
"The dinner was in the dining hall at the university where the couple met, cinder block walls and all."
"It was a Baptist wedding - no booze and very serious."
"The dark blue balloons attempting to liven up the hall were a slightly darker shade of blue than the sashes on the bridesmaid's dresses."
"The bride lost here sh*t and absolutely raved for nearly an hour."
"I can't remember how they finally managed to talk her down."- mechant_papa
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See You In Court!
"Rich neighbors who end up in expensive court battles because they disagree about where a tree can be planted or whether the color of a fence fits in with the street’s 'amenity'."
'These disputes get really heated and rack up huge lawyers’ bills."
"The most pathetic part is after the judgement when they are arguing about who should pay the other party’s costs."
"Lots of affidavits filed citing the 'emotional distress' they had to endure, or painting themselves as brave warriors who were forced to take a stand to fight for 'justice'."
"Also lots of pompous litigants insisting that the judge refer to them by their 'Dr' title."
"An absolutely insane dumpster fire of entitled rich people problems."- ElectrocRaisin
It's Always People With Money Who Don't Want To Pay!
"I work in a public library."
"People will get so so mad if they have to be put on a wait list for a book."
"A popular book that just came out."
"Ok our services are not only free but so are the books."
"You’re welcome, a**holes."- Switchbladekitten
A Warm Butt Is A Happy Butt!
"My own."
"We have a bidet toilet seat (Fabulous! Everyone should have one!) and not only does it wash your bum and blow dry it, but the seat's heated!"
"It's shocking how much a heated toilet seat makes the whole process more agreeable."
"Except: We had a power outage and I went to use the toilet and the seat was cold!"
"Unacceptable!"
"This shall not stand!"
"I was really upset because it didn't feel good."
"Then I stopped and thought: This is the most first-world problem anyone's ever had."
"I was really pissed because my heiny was tepid."
"I got over it."- DeathGrover
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Holy Matrimony!
"Weddings are a gold mine for this question."
"People get so hyped up over their 'most important day of their life'."
"They'll destroy friendships, go into debt, and have crazy expectations."
"It's not always the couple who go crazy, either."
"Sometimes, it's the parents or another family member who feels entitled to control the wedding."
"It's just a party."
"Be considerate of guests, have plenty of food and drinks, and enjoy it."- magicrowantree
When Fast Food Isn't Fast Enough...
"Having to pull off to the side to wait for a drive-thru order to be brought out to you because your food isn't ready and there's a line building up behind you."- demanbmore
In Case You Don't Think Customer Service Employees Are Undervalued...
"I was working the return desk at a Target next to a military base so I have so many stories."
"One of my favorites was a lady who had her baby shower before revealing the gender and was livid that she had received floral newborn diapers when she’s having a boy."
"It was a huge box of super expensive, all organic diapers, that we didn’t carry and therefore could not return."
"I cannot accurately express her fury and disgust."
"How dare either suggest her boy could wear feminine diapers."
"I suggested she donate them if she didn’t want to use them and she instead threw away the entire box."
"When she left we pulled it out and threw it in our donate bin."
"There have also been multiple times where mom’s order massive toys and when we bring them out to the car they get furious that they aren’t wrapped."
"We don’t offer wrapping services."
"Here’s the thing, if you don’t want your kids to see the toys you got them for Christmas or their bit to day DON'T BRING THE CHILD WHEN YOU PICK IT UP."
'I’ve had multiple women scream and curse me out that I had ruined their kids Christmas by bringing the toys they ordered out to the car like they requested."- clever-mermaid-mae
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Happiest Place On Earth!
"I used to work for Disney."
"That in itself should tell you everything."
"However for fun I'll give you two specific stories one form our tech department and one from my wife who worked bookings."
"I specifically worked for their call center to help with technical issues with magic band and the website."
"Suddenly got worse huh?"
"A right of passage call everyone has at least one story of is the 'Dome call'."
"Basically there is a subset of Disney Guest (TM) that believes if it rains at Walt Disney world there is someone that will push a button to encapsulate the whole of Disney property in a dome to keep out the rain."
"I'm not kidding."
"If this button is not pushed they call our tech department to angrily ask why."
"My wife worked booking."
"Pretty much everything including Bibbidi Bobbidi boutique and Pirate's league."
"These two things did roughly the same thing difference being price and theme."
"BBB was expensive did more and was focused on princesses, pirates league did a bit less and focused on mermaids and pirates."
"Lady called up my wife, and got pissed about BBB being booked up (It goes FAAAAST)."
"Karen: 'Im going to give the phone to my daughter and I want you to tell her how you are ruining her vacation by not letting her do BBB'."
"Wife proceeds to explain how pirate's league is so much cooler and how she can be a mermaid or pirate and basically gets the kid to start demanding to their parents about how they want to be a mermaid instead of a princess."- trollsong
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The horror!
Being booked into a junior suite at Disney World instead of an executive suite!
It's almost as bad as having no money for groceries, or no food to feed you children...
Said absolutely no one.