This Woman Perfectly Explains Why Women Should Feel Safe Saying Saying 'No' To A Man.
"No" means "no", right?
After feeling frustrated for years about men being unable to deal with rejection, Tumblr user vampmissedith went online to share her experience. Here's what she had to say:
When I was a freshman, my sister was in eighth grade. There was a boy in two of her periods who would ask her out every single day. (Third and seventh period, if I remember correctly.) All day during third and seventh she would repeatedly tell him no. She didnt beat around the bush, she didnt lie and say she was takenshe just said no.
One day, in third period, after being rejected several times, he said: I have a gun in my locker. If you dont say yes, I am going to shoot you in seventh.
She refused again, but right after class she went to the principals office and told them what happened. They searched his locker and there was a gun in his backpack.
When he was arrested, some of my sisters friends (some female, even) told her that she was selfish for saying no so many times. That because of her, the entire school was in jeopardy. That it wouldnt have killed her to say yes and give it a try, but because she was so mean to him, he lost his temper. Many of her male friends said it was girls like her that made all women seem like cockteases.
Wouldnt have killed her to say yes? If a man is willing to shoot someone for saying no, what happens to the poor soul who says yes? What happens the first time they disagree? What happens the first time she says she doesnt want to have sex? That she isnt in the mood? When they break up?
Years later, when I was a senior, I was the only girl in my Criminal Justice class. The teacher, who used to be a sergeant in the police force, told us a story of something that had happened to a girl he knew when she was in high school. There was a guy who obviously had a crush on her and he made her uncomfortable. One day he finally gathered up the courage to ask her out, and she said no.
The next day, during an assembly, he pulled a gun on her in front of everyone and threatened to kill her if she didnt date him.
He was tackled to the ground and the gun was taken from him.
When my teacher asked the class who was at fault for the crime, I was the only person who said the boy was. All the other kids in the class (who were all boys) said that the girl was, that if she had said yes he wouldve never lost it and brought a gun and tried to kill her. When my teacher said that they were wrong and that this is what is wrong with society, that whenever a white boy commits a crime its someone elses fault (music, television, video games, the victim) one boy raised his hand and literally said; But if someone were to punch me and I punched him back, who is at fault for the fight? He is, not me. Its self-defence. She started it, so anything that happens to her is in reaction to her actions. Its simple cause and effect.
Even though he spent the rest of the class period ripping into the boys and saying that you are always responsible for your own actions, and that women are allowed to say no and do not have to date them, they left class laughing about how idiotic he was and that he clearly had no idea how much it hurt to be rejected.
So now we have a new school shooting, based solely on the fact some guy couldnt get laid, and I see men, boys, applauding him, or if theyre not applauding him, theyre laying blame on women as a whole. Just like my sisters friends did. Just like the boys in my Criminal Justice class did.
This isnt something thats rare. This isnt something that never happens, or that a select group of men feel as if they are so entitled to women that saying no is not only the worst possible thing a woman can do, but is considered a form of defence when they commit a crime upon them (whether it be rape or murder-as-a-reaction-towards-rejection).
Girls are being killed for saying no to prom invites. Girls are being killed for saying no to men. They are creating an atmosphere where women are too scared to say no, and the worst part is? They are doing it intentionally. They want society to be that way, they want women to say yes entirely out of fear. Even the boys and men who arent showing up to schools with guns are saying: Well, you know, I wouldnt do that, but you have to admit that if she had just said yes
If you are a man and you defend this guys actions or try to find an excuse for it, or you denounce what really happened, or in any way lay blame on women, every girl you know, every woman you love, has just now thought to themselves that you might lose your [mind] and kill them someday for saying no. You have just lost their trust. And you know what? You deserve to lose it.
No matter how old we get, we still find ourselves keeping up with the latest trends.
Binging the show everyone's talking about, downloading the newest app, and partaking in the latest social media craze, all in an effort to appear cool to our friends and colleagues.
Of course, not all of these trends are "cool" to us.
In fact, sometimes we grudgingly partake in these trends, no matter how idiotic they seem to us.
While others have no concerns about being cool, and won't even think about joining in with everyone else, choosing instead to gleefully look down on them.
"What's something extremely popular but you just can't give a f*ck about it?"
What Exactly Are They Trying To Influence?
"They have a different vibe than I have/aspire to have, different ways of expressing themselves, different values, different beauty standards, etc."- smieklinsh
'My personal opinion."
"If you like them, cool."
'No harm done."- queen_tabby
"Isn't aren’t part of my life, so why should I take time from my life to think about the crap they’re doing?"- attention21Elon Musk Reaction GIF by Saturday Night LiveGiphy
Isn't It Good News Either Way?
"Gender reveal parties."- Back2Bach
Just Another Distraction
"TikTok never got into it."- thneakythnake660
How Many Strangers Are Looking At Your Pictures?
"Followers on social media."- Single_Goat3138Pop Tv GIF by Schitt's CreekGiphy
"Figure" Heads being the operative word
"The Royal Family."- Natasha_JB
Comfort Over Quality
"Like, I’ll indulge and buy a pair I think are really cool."
"But other than that, why tf would you spend $2000+ on a pair of shoes that actually cost less than $10."- eggtada
All Of Them!
"The Kardashians."- BeeImpressive7749Kim Kardashian GIF by E!Giphy
Fame Is Seldom The Same As Qualified
"I’d say entertainers who are so wealthy and think they are the voices of normal people."-mayoinstrumentalz
Or Anything Else About Him?
"Ye's Opinion."- SlimePrice
Just How Real Was It?
"Reality TV."- brycebrycehayeshayesPhaedra Parks Reality Tv GIF by Real housewives of AtlantaGiphy
Can It Even Be Considered A Chat?
"Since when was a fire emoji and a number a symbol of popularity and friendship?"
"I just don't have the time for this sh*t."- Yes-I-Have-Arrived
Quality Over Quantity
The best thing about opinions and personal taste is that they are unique to every individual.
No two people have to like the same thing, nor should we judge those who dislike something we like and vice-versa.
Even if it's hard to say it's unreasonable that not even two people should give Elon Musk or Ye any time of day.
Though again, that's just an opinion...
Meal times are meant to be fun. It's a time where you can take break from work and your problems, be with your friends or family, and most importantly, enjoy some good food.
Of course, good food is subjective.
There are plenty of popular foods and dishes out there that everyone loves.
However, sometimes people love a food so much that it loses it's luster and becomes overrated.
Redditors were only too happy to share which popular dishes they find overrated.
It all started when a Redditor asked:
"What food do you think is overrated?"
No Need For Synthetic Clay
"Fondant, if that counts. I see all these fancy cakes in bakeries and on tv shows and my first thought is "90% of that is just sugary Play-Doh.""
"It is gorgeous, but tastes like, well you said it."
But We All Need Coffee
"Anything at Starbucks"
"Starbucks? More like Starsucks!"
Presentation Is Only Half The Battle
"Macarons. They never taste as good as they look"
"I would have to agree with this! I’ve had macarons from regular stores, always thought they tasted “blah”. Then I was in France a few months ago, and someone swore by Laduree ones. They said “you have to try it, it will change your life”. Waited in line for 40 min so I could “have my life changed”! Well, I still thought they tasted “blah”"
"Yes! They are so pretty but I feel like I’m eating chalk."
Can't Go With Everything
"Bacon. Dont get me wrong I love it but people wrap everything in it , cover it with chocolate ect."
"Bacon should be a side dish. Adding it to anything else sullies the bacon."
More Money Does Not Mean Better
"Right? Give me some salmon roe and we're good. It's like fish boba, yummy."
Not The Highest Form Of Flattery
"California roll w imitation crab"
"Imitation crab is heinous"
Pure And Simple Is The Best
"Things made of Mac and Cheese, like Mac and cheese balls"
"Just give me some good, gourmet mac. Usually the stuff in mac and cheese balls is Kraft Easy Mac grade stuff."
"Yes, yes, yes, i thought i was the only one who doesn"t understand the Nutella lovers."
"Brown fatty stuff in sugar. Gag"
Last Meal Doesn't Mean Best Meal
"I’d prefer shrimp/crab/crawfish over lobster any day of the week."
Too Much Of A Good Thing
"Avocado. there is such a thing as too much"
"Just give me a fine spread, I don't need an avacado staircase on my toast"
Just A Bandaid Food
"Cheese is at the top of my list. Didn't really notice too much till the lactose intolerance set in but they put it on everything. I believe it's to cover up for really poor quality food. Have a sh*tty entrae? Cover it in cheese and people can't get enough. I never aye a lot of cheese before but it seems out of control the past few years"
Make It Yourselves
"Chocolate dipped strawberries. I can't believe people pay that much money for something that can be made so easily and cheaply and probably better at home."
Best Cookie In The World?
"Stopped eating them when I had braces because they gunked them up one time, and then I realized I didn’t like them a lot in the first place lol"
America's Favorite Food
"People who say "Bad pizza is still pizza" aren't actually eating BAD pizza."
"Truly abominable pizza is heartbreaking, infuriating and bewildering."
"7/11 is the only place i've ever had truly bad pizza from. i was shocked. how do you mess up pizza??!?"
"There are two instances where I've had actual bad pizza, not "bad pizza but it's still pizza.""
"The first was my college cafeteria. You go in thinking that it's awesome to have all you can eat pizza nightly...problem is, the pans weren't rinsed properly and every bite tasted faintly of dish soap. Pretty gross."
"The second (the worst of the two) was at an all-inclusive resort in Jamaica I stayed at for my brother's wedding. The only option for late night food within the resort was a shack that served pizza, burgers, nachos, fries, that sort of thing. I asked for a cheese pizza, but they didn't have an oven, just a flat top. They pulled out some dough, stretched it out a bit (but not nearly thin enough to cook evenly) and slathered some tomato paste on it, then topped it with slices of american cheese. It was raw in the middle and didn't taste right at all."
I never want to learn what truly bad pizza is!
Do you have anything to add to the list? Let us know in the comments below.
We all have our preferences when it comes to the type of people we want to keep the company of.
When the people we're with do something undesirable or rude, they are an instant turn-off, and we lose all interest in continuing to hang out with that person.
I know for me that people who try to be funny by making rude jokes about others won't be in my life for long.
Redditors were all too eager to share their own opinions on what they think are instant turns-offs.
It all started when Redditor SnooRegrets8194 asked:
"What is an instant turn off for you?"
Clean Yourself Up!
"Bad teeth as well"
"Edit: mouth hygiene."
Get Me A Mirror...Or A Filter!
"Being completely obsessed with physical image. Especially via social media."
"Idiot duck lips has entered the convo"
Do Unto Others...
"Rudeness. Especially when the person is rude to people they think are beneath them."
"Bruh. If I’m with someone and they harass a service worker. I get heated."
Only Looking For One Thing
"Worst is you thought that person was nice and then after a few exchange of messages, here comes a subtle conversation about sex. Very disappointing."
"I hate when that happens. LET'S TALK ABOUT SEX NOW."
Just Be Nice
"Making fun of your interests or hobbies"
"Yes. If I can’t talk to you about the sh*t I’m passionate about, we ain’t working."
"When she gets on her phone while we have a good time"
"Dude my ex did this constantly. Every date we went in she'd be on her phone talking to her friends. I normally wouldn't have cared because friends are dope, but the texting got a fair bit. Well.. suspicious after I saw the way they spoke with her."
The Past Is In The Past
"When they complain about their ex on the first date"
Why Do Today...
"When men in relationships don’t do housework."
"Lazyness in general is a turn off for me."
Table Manners Matter
"Anyone who chews with their mouth open."
"Hearing or seeing this makes me so angry I have to walk into the other room otherwise I literally get violent thoughts about the person and I’m not a violent individual lol I HAAAATE ppl who do this!"
Oh The Horror!
"Dated a girl once who was upset I read Harry Potter because it involves witchcraft. That’s a turn off. Actually still makes me mad thinking of it considering it wasn’t just a small argument. Glad that’s over."
You're Good, But I'm Better!
"One-uppers/people who don’t have a disconnect from talking about their wealth, job, or how much they make constantly."
"Someone that's overly into themselves. Their selfie as their screen saver. Constantly sending you selfies and talking about how attractive they are. Confidence is nice, but sometimes it comes off as self-obsessed.
Also someone that demands so much of my time when I barely know them. "Why aren't you answering??" Or sending message after message when I'm busy. Like damn, you don't got nothing to do but text me huh? I don't have time for that shit."
"11:01: We can go to the mall tonight yes?"
"11:03: OK FINE I GUESS YOU DONT WANT TO GO WITH ME!! I AM NOT YOUR REBOUND!!!!"
"11:30 I get out of my meeting and read the messages like whaaaaaaaat?"
I See That
"I know an electrician that always turns me on… i’ll dm you his number"
Time To Convert
"I hit it off with a girl I met online, super sweet, but hardcore catholic, wanted me to swap from pagan to catholic just to be with her. I never really cared about someone’s religion tbh."
It's All About Me
"people asking questions that they use to turn attention/ the conversation back to themselves"
Yeah, that would be a turn-off for me too!
*Content warning: suicide*
The concept of an open relationship is nothing new.
It's just that nobody really spoke of it so openly in the past.
Now people are openly discussing whether monogamy suits them in modern times.
Redditor Jakubeu101 was wondering how people really felt about relationships with more than one lover, so they asked:
"What do you think about open relationships?"
It's certainly not for everyone, especially those who have a tendency to get jealous.
YuckFirst Date Dating GIF by OriginalsGiphy
"Tried it for a year. Didn't work. It's perpetual dating which is the worst. Then they get jealous."
"All the hassle of 2 (or more) relationships needs to be something everyone involved needs to be okay with. It can be done correctly by couples that really know how to communicate and are strong in conflict resolution. (Usually this also means starting in an open relationship and not opening up later on) Unfortunately many couples use 'opening up the relationship' as a solution to avoid the need to communicate better. Those are doomed from the beginning."
"My parents have been together for 40 years, married for 36. A couple weeks ago we went and stayed with one of my dad's childhood friends. As the wine got flowing, she regaled the rest of us with various stories of the shenanigans they got up to with their other friends. My mom was having the time of her life hearing all these stories she'd never heard before. (this was northern Wisconsin in the early 80s, lots of teenage drunken shenanigans)."
"Not for me, but I don't care if everyone's a consenting adult and no one is taken advantage of. The issue IMHO is that if you go from monogamous to open it is shifting the relationship in ways that rarely work, but if you come at it from the start there's decent chances of making it work."
All of It
"I think the idea that you've learned everything and there's nothing else new to know about a person is the first problem. I was in a polyamorous relationship for about a year and even to the end of it was constantly learning things about my partners, their SOs etc."
"I'm now monogamous and married, and years down the road I'm still learning things about my partner. They've lived a whole life before me, it will be many many years before I know 'everything' about them."
"I think it’s one of those things where both partners have to be 100% on board with what it means. There can’t be jealousy and you have to be ok with the idea of your partner sleeping with more people than you possibly. I think most people who consider an open relationship don’t really think about it means so it inevitably fails."
It's not for everybody. Emotions in check first.
StrongerChair Stronger Music Video GIF by Britney SpearsGiphy
"I'm in one. Going strong almost 8 years. Requires a ton of communication. Also, what counts as an open relationship varies wildly and the boundaries/rules are determined by the people within the relationship. There is no one size fits all."
"I met a guy on tinder that was in an open marriage. We went on a few dates, one of which I was surprised to meet his wife and kids."
"They seemed like a happy family, very content with their arrangement. I enjoyed getting to know the guy, but he started to get impatient with how slowly I was moving. I wasn’t comfortable moving forward physically, so we decided to end it. Fast forward a year later, and he ended up committing suicide."
"His wife wasted no time posting online about how awful he was to her. It seems their 20-year open relationship was his game of control. He was a cheater and an abusive husband. I carry some guilt knowing he used me to upset her, and I sat there with a stupid smile on my face."
"Tried it, she screwed some dudes and when I picked up started getting jealous. Most open couples aren't really open. Usually someone wants it (or just wants to cheat without guilt) and someone's getting dragged into, pretending it's okay. Very few true open relationships, it's proven by how many last more than a year."
Doing It All
"My husband and I did it...very enthusiastically... For about 6 years. We made the decision to try it after 24 years of marriage and because neither of us had had any other partners before we met. For us it was a fantastic experience. We never had issues with jealousy but we had a very strong relationship with a high degree of trust. We definitely saw a lot of marriages fail due to those issues."
"Eventually we sort of... faded out of it tho. It is just a lot of work. Finding people with the right chemistry-the on line dating scenes, going to the clubs, the meet up's that don't always work: it's exhausting. But for us it was definitely worth it. And if my hubby came to me tomorrow saying that he'd met someone he'd like to screw, I'd still be cool with it."
"I personally hate them because of an ex. I was pressured to make our relationship open for months, and I really didn't want to. That wasn't the kind of relationship I wanted to have. I later then found out that she was pushing so hard because she was already sleeping with other guys and wanted a 'guilt free' way to cheat on me, and ended up sleeping with three other people that I am aware of."
"Generally I don't mind them if that's what you want and all parties are okay with that situation. I have a friend who does that and he's never been happier in terms of a relationship with someone. But I will refuse to ever do an open relationship with anyone."
Not MeNo Way Beer GIF by BuschGiphy
"I'm genuinely not a fan, i prefer monogamy as I feel a much closer bond can be created between two people rather than a group. however that is not how it is for everyone."
You do you.
Just be honest and really communicate how you're feeling and the boundaries you feel comfortable with.
If you or someone you know is struggling, you can contact the National Suicide Prevention Lifeline at 1-800-273-TALK (8255).
To find help outside the United States, the International Association for Suicide Prevention has resources available at https://www.iasp.info/resources/Crisis_Centres/