Divorced People Reveal The Final Straw That Ended Their Marriage
Reddit user glycerne asked: 'People who divorced, what was the final straw for you?'
When we think of two people getting married, we like to imagine it being the first day of their happily ever after story.
But some of these stories don't end happily, because their marriage was just a chapter in their story. And the reasons why these chapters end can be shocking at times.
Redditor glycerne asked:
"People who divorced, what was the final straw for you?"
Relationship Sabotage
"When I realized they weren’t trying to fix anything in the relationship, but were actively trying to make things worse. Turns out couples therapy was weaponized."
- pacmanman
"It’s pretty sad how many people agree to couples therapy just so they can try to use the therapist's words to win arguments."
- joecee97
The Annoying Partner
"When I realized they found every single thing I did to be annoying. The way I walk, talk, eat, sit, you name it. Other people seem to like me so I'd rather hang with them."
- TRIGMILLION
"There’s nothing worse in the world when this happens from someone that used to see you the opposite way, through a lens of infatuation, where everything you did was a cute quirk."
- Thursday_the_20th
Married Just Because
"I knew my first marriage was over when I'd come home from work and see her car in the driveway and sigh to myself because I didn't want her to be there."
"We were young, early 20s with two kids. I wasn't really in love with her. It was more of in love with the idea of being married, starting a family, etc."
"I tried to stick it out because that's what I thought you were supposed to do."
"After about another year, she asked for a divorce. I didn't want to be divorced, but I didn't want to be married to her, either. In the end, it was better that we got divorced."
- HumpieDouglas
The Malicious Partner
"I started running to help me lose weight. It was very successful."
"I got fit and skinny and he couldn’t deal with other men looking at me in public."
"It got so bad, I would look at the pavement if we were out somewhere, because if I happened to be looking up and some random guy crossed my field of vision, I would get berated, like, 'That guy was looking at you. What did you do? You were flirting with him in front of me.'"
"I was 'in trouble' simply for existing."
"As bad as that was, the 'last straw' came one morning when I was about to head out for a long run. I was in our kitchen putting on a hat and gloves and he said, 'You’re really looking forward to this, aren’t you?'"
"I said, 'Well, yeah.'"
"As I went out the back door, he said in a nasty, hateful voice oozing malice and condescension, 'Well, go appease the running gods, then.'"
" The moment I closed the door behind me, standing on my back porch, I thought, 'That’s it. I can’t listen to that for the rest of my life. I’m done.'"
"Our marriage was running on fumes at that point anyway, but that was it. The moment that broke me. Later that day, I said I was done and wanted a divorce."
"I’m coming up on 15 years since that moment and I don’t regret ending my marriage for one second."
- snerdie
Eye-Opening Advice
"I knew when our marriage counselor told me divorce was something the kids and I could work through but the never-ending H**L from my partner was not."
- 2x4x93
"I had a counselor tell me this. I didn’t believe her. Couldn’t believe her. Yet, she was correct. Everything regarding my relationship with my kids is better. Everything."
- former-bishop
The Cowardly Partner
"The told me the only reason they hadn’t already left was because they were a coward. I’m not."
- 2corbies
Their Dating Life
"When he started dating but forgot to tell me, his wife of ten years."
- itsybitsyboots
"Same, although a husband of ten years."
"I found the pictures on her laptop on Easter morning while she had taken our two kids to the neighborhood park. Easter was a rough holiday for a couple of years after that. I'm much better now."
- Puzzleheaded-Cut3144
An Expensive Gift
"When I discovered he had spent a fortune on a necklace and he didn’t give it to me on Christmas Day."
"We had two very small children and no spare money so I was a little bit put out that he had spent so much money on me... but it wasn’t for me."
"It was a horrific Christmas. I went to the bank to check on other things to find he had forged all my details and taken me off the joint bank account. And I didn’t see any of it coming."
"I left with my children and the clothes we stood up in. It was soooo hard but we are okay now."
- doloresfandango
The Unsupportive Partner
"I’m very family oriented. We went on a family vacation and he told me what a bad mother and wife I was because I wasn’t catering enough to his needs (I was helping everyone pack their clothes and food, I packed the car, and he didn’t help), and I forgot my son's milk (which was easily purchased the next morning)."
"There were so many more things but that was that."
"He still won’t sign the divorce papers."
- Bella-Y-Terrible
"I've been researching this because I’m unfortunately likely going to be getting a divorce soon."
"In my state, the papers need to be served and then the other party has 60 days to respond. If they don’t respond, it just defaults to the person filing as 'winning.'"
"It’s like most lawsuits. If you don’t respond after being properly served, you’ll lose by default."
- Bg-j38
The Projecting Partner
"It was when he told me he didn't think I had ever loved him."
"We had been married for 10 years, and we had two children together. I had stood by his side as he spiraled into depression, anxiety, and panic attacks, I had forgiven him for multiple affairs, and dropped out of school to support our family when he abruptly quit his job citing mental health concerns."
"Yet after all this, he was convinced I had 'never' loved him."
"And I realized that it was all projection. No one wants to be the bad guy in their own story, and he couldn't face that he didn't want the life we had built, so he concocted a story in his head that shifted the blame to me, and decided I had never loved him."
"I had withstood an awful lot in what had become a very toxic environment, but in that moment, I knew I had to leave. No point in sticking around to try to convince someone you love them if they have determined you don't."
"I took off my ring that day, and never put it back on."
- PaganButterflies
When the Grass Is Greener
"When I found on his phone that he was complimenting this woman on how wonderful a mother she was because her sick kid got better."
"He had spent ten years telling me how lazy, useless, and worthless I was, even though I did 99% of everything at home including all the childcare. Yet he could be nice to this woman, he was actually capable of kindness and compliments."
"He was also sexting her but I felt mostly betrayed by him giving attention and kindness to someone while being a complete d-bag to me."
- Alien_Nicole
Never Good Enough
"He told me constantly that my career (the one I’d met him in) was pointless and I didn’t contribute anything."
"So I spent years re-training for a different career and was promoted after a year, way ahead of expected schedule, to a leadership position."
"He didn’t want me to take it and made it clear that he didn’t think I could do it, but I took it anyway."
"Then I was earning more money than him and working about 60 hours per week, and he complained the house looked like crap."
"I agreed and suggested that we got a cleaner now I could afford it."
"He told me, 'This house isn’t big enough to justify a cleaner. You should be able to deal with it.'"
"I realized I’d never be anything but an inconvenience to him. He didn’t actually want me to be successful, just a housewife, even though he seemed to hate that too. I couldn’t win. So I left."
"(Now I'm very happily remarried to my biggest cheerleader.)"
- RiverLover27
The Not-So-Peaceful Home
"I felt sick to my stomach and anxious all the time. That 'walking on eggshells' feeling. When I realized after she went back to work part-time that the highlight of my life was when she was not there but I was home alone with our daughter."
"It was so hard because I had to give up being with my child full-time, but after many bumpy years our shared custody is pretty fair, and we really don’t have much animosity left between us."
- Sookecute
The Unfaithful Partner
"Easy peasy."
"She started hanging out with her manager from work where she used to work. Lunches, brunches, dinners, and drinks. She would tell me I wouldn’t understand what they were talking about since it was work-related and we were working in different fields."
"No problem. I trusted her until one day while she was seated on her sofa and I was cooking, I went to make her try her favorite food, and I saw a message from the guy along the lines of, 'I'm so happy you’ve had your lunch, beautiful.'"
"When confronted, I was told he was just a friend and nothing else."
"I told her it’s been eating me up inside, because it made me feel uncomfortable that she’s spending so much time with him and he’s clearly flirting. I asked her how would It feel if the roles were reversed and I was spending eight hours at their place. I was told that it was okay because that’s my best friend."
"Fast forward a couple of months, and I was seeing my parents for the first time in nine years. I was super elated."
"That was when she dropped the bomb that she wanted a divorce. She left the entire mortgage and debt on me and bounced."
"She moved in with the guy the same day she moved out, citing it would be cost-efficient. She makes six figures, by the way. She told me I could keep the house and in return pay her some money back."
"It's been the best eight or nine months of my life ever since. As it turns out, she was indeed cheating but couldn’t come to terms with telling me about it, so she bounced. It's weird how people who have been with you for 10 years tell you some of the most vile things known to man in order to gaslight you and break you down."
"Edited to add: A few people asked if they are still together. And apparently, they are. She told one of her ex-friends that they just got together but she was called out on it. So she cut ties with almost all of her friends, lol (laughing out loud)."
- AcePrit
Better Without Them
"My first wife decided she doesn’t want to be married anymore and we separated."
"I moved away and got my life together, and she then decided that she wanted me back."
"I told her my life was fine as it is now and did not want to get back together."
"She sent me divorce papers a month later."
- dma1965
There are countless reasons why a relationship might not work out, but these Redditors definitely had some stories to tell.
The Biggest Mistakes People Make In Relationships
Reddit user Valuable-Ad440 asked: 'What do you think is the biggest mistake people make in relationships?'
Dating experiences can be incredibly fun and even formative, but it can also be full of tough and painful lessons.
With each relationship, we're bound to learn things that we don't like or aren't looking for in our next partner.
Redditor Valuable-Ad440 asked:
"What do you think the biggest mistake is that people make in relationships?"
Not Apologizing
"Not being able to apologize. If someone tells you they're upset with you, you don't need to argue back."
- TheGame1126
Being Defensive
"Not being able to hear your partner expressing their own needs or constructive critiques without getting defensive."
"You should be able to hear your partner out with concern and curiosity, and THEN address your own feelings that happened as a result of their words. If you can’t have a difficult conversation without being overwhelmed by your own insecurities, you’re not ready to be in a relationship."
- greengiant1101
Too Many Compromises
"Compromising when they started the relationship, and then regret sets in and destroys the relationship."
- Damseldoll
(Not) Winning Arguments
"Trying to 'win' arguments. The goal should be to solve disagreements as a team, not come out as the victor."
- DoublePelix
Not Dating Their Best Friend
"Your partner not being your friend, too."
- Wonderful-Note9289
"Back when we were dating, my wife once told me that I was her boyfriend, but also her friend. I found that odd. Then she pointed out that her ex never had had the potential to be her friend. They just didn't match."
"Since then, I realized how important this is."
- Lvcivs2311
Lack of Communication or Acceptance
"So many people jump straight to 'lack of communication,' but more often than not the problem is refusing to accept what your partner is communicating."
"Communication skills can always be better, but a lack of understanding or willingness to compromise around the difference in each other's needs leads to resentment really quickly. Once you resent each other, it's game over, there's no real way to come back from that."
- alk6489
Taking Others for Granted
"Taking the other person’s love, time, empathy, or patience for granted."
- thebuffyb0t
"Or holding onto a relationship that isn't making you happy out of some hope that the other person will stop taking those things for granted."
"Both are non-starters."
- sophistre
Different Values
"I would rephrase this as 'people are their values and what they value.'"
"If you want a big family and they want to be child-free, you’re not compatible."
"If you are a homebody and they have wanderlust, one of you is going to be miserable."
"If they are fixated on their career and external signs of success and you are more interested in experiences and togetherness, you’re both going to resent each other."
"If you have significantly different political outlooks, it’s going to poison how you see each other over time."
"The first person to say yes to you may not be the right person for you long term. You need to talk about your values and life goals, and if they don’t align, don’t sit there hoping the other person will compromise who they are for you, or expect yourself to compromise who you are for them."
"Respect each other enough to recognize you aren’t the right life partner and move on."
- Fraerie
Getting Married First
"Waiting until you’re too far in to discuss marriage and kids. That’s an issue that needs to be hammered in before you completely shut yourself off from anyone else."
- DefinitelyNotADave
"Tons of people have those tough discussions way too late. Kids, in-law interactions and responsibilities, finances, living situations, household chores, medical issues, and future plans ALL should be discussed before getting married."
"If you don't have an answer for that now, you're going to have to find an answer soon enough. All of these things WILL be faced throughout your lifetime together. It's better to find out if you're completely incompatible before signing that paper. Or at least you've got a plan of how to face things together."
- buyongmafanle
Helping Around At Home
"My girl has been on vacation for about two weeks and f**k, I hate cooking, man!"
"I should help her prep some of the food. It's just more time-consuming than anything else. But yeah, when she gets back, I'll start helping her more. I eat a s**t ton, so yeah."
- Deads4dayz
"Start now, impress her with your effort when she gets back, and tell her you realized how much time she was putting in. Can't go wrong."
- orionicly
"Learn some knife skills on youtube, it can cut your prep time by 50% easily. I've seen people spend ten minutes on a single onion, smh (shaking my head)."
- DaoNight23
"And clean as you cook! Something is simmering on the stove and you can step away for five minutes? Don’t kill time on the couch, clean your workstation! Then when it’s time to serve, you have only a minimal amount of cleanup left to do."
- Youareaharrywizard
"CAYG or Clean As You Go is taught in professional kitchens everywhere for a reason, it’s a proven strategy to keep things clean."
"That and 'if you have time to lean, you have time to clean,' but that one is less popular."
- its_justme
Getting Too Comfortable
"I think it's a combination of getting so comfortable with somebody that you take things for granted, stop doing the little things, and stop communicating."
- Rathemon
"Been feeling this recently. My girlfriend and I moved in together nearly two years ago, and our relationship improved so much when we did, but it has led to me taking things for granted."
"I'm traveling at the moment, and I haven't seen her in nearly a month, and I'm really missing just existing together. Even something as simple as sleeping next to each other, I miss it like crazy, but it's not something I think of as much when we're both at home."
- V0lkhari
Committing 100/100
"Thinking that it's one person's work. A successful relationship needs commitment and work from both parties."
- Mapache_villa
"I find that as the woman, I’m usually carrying the emotional load and it’s f**king exhausting. Talking about feelings, initiating tough conversations, etc. I won’t do it anymore."
- pattimay_ho_nnaise
Having Children to Love
"Believing that having a child will fix their problems."
"Great job, now the THREE of you are in a sucky situation and now are forever tied through a choice you both made instead of just working it out OR separating, both options that would've been a lot less messy and complicated, not to mention that the kid is now stuck between something that's not their responsibility to fix and now they're suffering through it."
"'Compromising' on big life decisions, it never ends well."
- ThanosWifeAkima-4848
Knowing When to Say Goodbye
"Not leaving or ending a relationship when it needs to be ended. Sometimes the best thing to do is to walk away."
- toosickto
That About Sums It Up
"Not 'dating' their partner after getting married and having kids."
"Not communicating."
"Not being on the same page when it comes to finances, household responsibilities, and boundaries with external family."
"Simply not prioritizing their partner."
- vtfb79
These responses came from people who clearly regretted decisions they'd made in relationships or been on the receiving end, neither of which likely felt very pleasant.
Dating can be pretty fun, but like anything else, there are going to be some bad or weird dates.
But sometimes the person we think we're really into will do something so repulsive, we know instantly that relationship is over.
Redditor th3dankmemer asked:
"Redditors, have you ever gotten the 'ick' from a potential partner or love interest that instantly killed your attraction to them?"
"If so, what happened?"
Uninterested in Them
"We were talking about our interests, and after I listened to him blab about his ''lawn-scaping business,' I went to talk about my interests. He interrupted me to say, 'Wow, you really have nothing interesting to say, do you?'"
- youraveragebrat
Interrogating Them
"I went out with a guy who would not stop grilling me, and I couldn't get him to actually answer any questions about himself."
"I finally just said, 'Look, it's cool that you're so interested in getting to know me, but I'd like to hear about you too. What do you do in your free time?'"
"He sat there and stared for a bit then started listing off TV shows, asking if I'd seen them."
"I had not."
"Finally, he got to 'The Wire,' which I'd seen a few episodes of, and because that was the only one I had any experience with, apparently that meant I needed a 20-minute monologue about what the show was about. I literally checked the clock when he started, and it was a full 20 minutes."
"When he finally petered out, we just sat in silence for a second before he stood up, shook my hand, and left without another word."
- TheDogWhistle
No Personal Space
"He grabbed me by the face on the first date, 'stroked' under my eyes, and said, 'You need to take better care of yourself.'"
"Sir, I’m a divorced 37-year-old woman with kids, and those under-eye circles were passed down from my grandmother. They’re family heirlooms."
"And get your hands off my face. We just met, and this is not a Nicholas Sparks movie."
- IgnoreThisIAmStupid
Victimizing Themselves
"Literally every single problem she had was someone else’s fault. Even when there was proof it was her fault, she would argue nonstop that it was someone else’s."
"She got in a car wreck and called insurance over and over again to tell them that it was the other person’s fault. They checked the computer in her car because it saved the speed she was going right before the wreck. It told them everything they needed to know, and she STILL denied it."
- ctrlALTdeleted716
Bully Behavior
"He bullied someone in front of me. Instant disgust."
- noteveni
Absolute Nose Blindness
"I had a guy once whose car smelled so bad, I had to try not to throw up while sticking my head out the window."
"He couldn't smell it. I thought I was going to die."
"It turns out he forgot about a double cheeseburger in the back of his car for over two weeks in the hot sun."
"I don't know what bothered me more. The smell or the fact that it didn't bother him."
- yuyufan43
Mom the Third Wheel
"I found out the reason he rented the house next door to his parents was so his mom would make his meals, wash his clothes, etc. He had the audacity to say, 'Let me call my mom,' when I mentioned I was a little hungry."
"She was a big enabler, and she was part of the reason I ended the relationship. I don’t need to be coached on 'how to please her baby boy.'"
- SpeechDistinct8793
The Two-Faced Partner
"She was 'best friends' with another girl who she constantly spoke s**t about when said friend wasn't around."
- 11_Jay
"Ooh, I had an ex who did that."
"She got SUPER MAD at her 'best friend' for wanting to go out for sushi a week before her birthday when she wanted sushi! It was totally on purpose just to steal her idea of getting sushi. Because you obviously couldn't go out and get sushi two weekends in a row."
"A couple of weeks later, they were best friends again. A couple of weeks after that, I got ghosted and realized I was better off."
- mdp300
Imaginary Friends
"In college, I was seeing a girl who lived in a student residence with me but on another floor. She would always talk about how another guy, Tom, on her floor was obsessed with her and would show me texts between them. She said she only talked to him because he’s harmless and that they’re friends. I never met him."
"After a week, her ex-friend from high school pulled me aside and told me not to trust her. She said that the girl I was seeing is a notorious liar and that Tom doesn’t exist. That she added her own number in her phone as 'Tom,' would text herself, and then delete the sent messages."
"The only reason her ex-friend knew is that she saw the text message exchange happen in the reflection of a mirror when they were in the same room."
"I was close with the front desk and asked if they could look up the names from that floor. They said yes, and told me that there was no guy named Tom on her floor. I noped out of that real quick."
- GetInMyBellyButton
Reciprocation Matters
"My brief girlfriend bought me some hair care products before she came over because it was right by her house. In return, I said I would go grocery shopping and make her a nice dinner. I thought this to be an even exchange."
"That night I found her looking through my trash for the receipt for the groceries to make sure that the 30 dollars she spent on me was equal to the amount I spent on her dinner."
"Just to clarity, I saw her parents do this to her. It was her upbringing. She did this in every aspect of her life which gave me the ick but she did not have very good role models."
- lookssharp
Conspiracy Theorist
"I dated a guy who seemed chill but kept talking about social media and how people and his exes were scheming against him."
"I believed him at first until it got to a point where he thought things like a photo someone put up was an indicator that they were ‘getting him back’ when these people were literally just doing normal things and posting normal stuff."
"I think he was schizophrenic, but it was really unsettling. Months later, he rang me out of the blue to ask me about a link between his ex, myself, and a friend. The link was butterflies, and because of this link, he thought we were conspiring against him."
- BangGrenade
Constant Assumptions
"He kept making assumptions about me on the first date, like 'I suppose someone like you...' or, 'A girl like you wouldn't understand...'"
"I am literally right here, ask me. Don't tell me what my life is or is like."
"Anyway, eventually I got up and left. They messaged me and asked what my problem was, so I wrote back something to the effect of, 'A boy like you wouldn't understand even if I told you.'"
- Kixion
Faking Seizures
"I realized he was faking seizures our entire relationship to get out of helping me do chores or cook meals."
"We dated for less than a year. I found out from his friends and family he never had a seizure in front of them."
"I came home one night after working a double, and I asked him to please try to make dinner."
"The next night, I found him asleep and woke him up to let him know I was home and where was dinner?"
"He said he had a seizure. This caused an argument where he admitted he faked it. He said his seizures were caused by flashing lights."
"I took him to countless doctors and no one could replicate what I saw all the time. After he admitted it, it finally clicked. He’d been faking it the whole time."
- helloyellowfellow1
Weirder and Weirder
"I went on a date with a guy I met at a party. He made me prove that I liked 'Lord of the Rings' by answering who said what when he quoted someone."
"He pulled out a notebook of really poorly drawn anime characters and asked me if he could draw me."
"He was a lot shorter than me and asked if it bothered me. I said no, then he said, 'Good, I like Amazonian goddesses.'"
"He kept trying to put his jewelry onto me despite my protests. He asked what I wanted to order for food, and then ignored me and ordered me something else and got frustrated I didn't eat it all."
"He referenced being arrested, made me guess what for, and when I refused to guess for not knowing him well enough, he said GBH (Grievous Bodily Harm)."
"He was a trainee doctor and asked if I'd ever broken any bones. When I replied yes, he said that he was going to look up my X-rays."
"And the icing on the cake... When I wanted to leave, he got my knee-high boots, slipped them onto my feet, zipped them up, and said, 'You should always be treated like a goddess... My Morticia Addams.'"
"ALL ONE DATE."
- choccymilkaddict
Saving Marriages One Story at a Time
"This thread is saving my marriage."
- letsjakeonit
"No kidding!"
"My parents love to say that after going out in public, there’s no one else they’d rather go home with."
- Tup1000
We've all met some unusual people in our lives, but it's especially strange when we're dating them and make unexpected discoveries about them.
At least a relationship doesn't have to last forever unless it's meant to.
As much as we always hop for our dating efforts to be worth it and for every relationship to work out, we all know that some relationships are not destined to work out.
But sometimes relationships end for totally valid reasons, and sometimes the reasons are painful, if not devastating.
Redditor overIorded asked:
"What went wrong with your last partner?"
History Repeating Itself
"He cheated on me. And I was glad because that was finally reason enough to allow myself to leave."
"Now I know somebody who's in the same situation. They're trapped. And she's such a gentle and fun person who's afraid to leave him because 'well, it's always been like this, I'm used to it,' and 'I deserve it.'"
"She wants to leave him, she knows she should leave him, but it's so hard to do it, and I know that feeling."
"I'm thinking I should give her my phone number like when the day comes you've had enough, I'll gladly come to help you move out from that s**thole."
- NmlsFool
Mental Health Struggles
"I'm lost in my own trauma and mental illness and he deserves better than anything I have to offer right now."
- Last-Celery7146
"I’ve been on the receiving end of this, and mildly said, it absolutely ruined me. Her trauma and mental problems were BAD, but I still wanted to be with them. So if you ask me, as long as they can give you the space and support you need, and want to be with you, let them make the decision."
- emilersen
"It's also fair and mature to care very much about someone but realize that you only have the emotional bandwidth to take care of yourself right now."
"I'm sure it was very hard for both of you to come to terms with that decision. I don't think it's that he deserves better, I think it's that your attention needs to be on guiding yourself through this thicket of trauma and mental illness before you can be someone else's partner. You can love each other very much but also acknowledge that you don't have the tools to spare for a relationship right now."
"I'm proud of you for focusing on your own mental health and someday, when you have more emotional stability and energy, I hope you find a wonderful partner."
- SpoonAtKnifeFight
Relationship Styles
"We disagreed on how many women he was allowed to date. I’m very strong on monogamy and have no interest in someone (in a supposedly committed relationship) that isn’t."
- Altrano
At Least There's That
"Her psychotic brother tried to kill me. Thankfully he has a Stormtrooper's aim..."
- Active-Plate7939
"Hate the attempted murder, love the 'Star Wars' reference."
- letmetellyousom
Childfree Living
"He wanted a big family, like, six kids, all-natural. Obviously, he wouldn't be birthing them. This was very important to him while I was pretty ambivalent about kids, and the further into my adulthood I've gotten, the more I've realized I just don't want to be pregnant."
"I broke it off so we could both get the lives we wanted. He was also quite a bit more conservative than me, and at the time closeted pansexual person, and some stuff he believed just didn't line up with what I believed. It hurt, but it was amicable."
"Now he has a wife and kids like he wanted, and I am happily partnered and childfree. It worked out for the best."
- Free-Government5162
Family Ties
"She hated that I had a healthy relationship with my family and was trying to find ways to sabotage it."
- Cobra-Serpentress
"Similar aspect to mine, she hated my sister and mother because she had a bad relationship with her sister and mother. She would get mad at me whenever I brought my family up."
- letmetellyousom
Quality Time
"My last boyfriend dumped me because I got mad that he was coming to Dallas after I hadn't seen him for two months, but didn't want to see me."
"He was going to meet up with some friends of his he hadn't seen in a few months. I told him that was fine with me, but I felt he should make time to see me too since we hadn't seen each other in two months and we were supposed to be a couple."
"He responded to my anger by ghosting me. That was two years ago."
- dallasmysterylover
Distracted with a Punch
"A girl contacted me about him talking to her. I asked him what was going on, and he sucker-punched me in the face."
- Brilliant-Victory128
Projecting Insecurities
"He cheated on me for all six years we were together and then accused me of cheating on him, even though I wasn't allowed to leave the house."
"I'm also pretty sure he slept with my sister-in-law when my brother and I went to pick up dinner."
- Affectionate_Egg1252
Children Come First
"He was and still is no father to his kids, has anger issues, and probably has other mental health issues. I tried for years to help him and help the relationship, but he wasn't having it. After seeing how my oldest suffered under him, I had to leave."
- rintan13
Poor Communication
"I communicated how I felt about many things in the relationship. He never communicated about anything."
- aj_oof0323
"Oh look, it's the last 14 years of my life..."
- empathetic111
"I'm guilty of this, and boy, do I regret not being able to open up about my feelings. It cost me my marriage. But now I'm trying to be more open and share my thoughts and feelings. Just wished I could've done this earlier than later."
Deserving Better
"I started drinking again and became a miserable a**hole due to my own depression and my s**tty job. As such, she didn't get the attention she deserved, and had to put up with my s**tty mood all the time... so she left. I don't blame her."
"So, it was me. I don't know if I trust myself with a relationship again, but aside from the shame of knowing I hurt someone who I loved, and loved me back, but I was too self-absorbed and selfish, I am trying to be a better human to everyone."
"And to my ex: You'll find someone again... someone better."
- cracksintheegg
Big Moves
"He wanted to move to Alaska to be with some girl he was 'friends' with before me."
- dont_be_trash
Alzheimer's Disease
"My ex's early-onset Alzheimers (at the age of 50) and the resulting violence, paranoia, and irrational thinking. I tried to honor my vows, but he was so far out there, I feared for my life."
- No_Transportation258
Different Definitions of Marriage
"She cheated on me after five years total together, the last one of which was while we were engaged. She cheated on me for months, all while I was planning the wedding, working part-time, and going to graduate school so I can support us comfortably in the future."
"I planned on giving her everything I could and sharing the rest of my life with her, and apparently she didn’t care."
- Mountaingoat1001
This conversation just goes to show that relationships can end for all kinds of reasons. Even in relationships where there is still a lot of love and committment, the relationship can still end, just like how the relationship can end suddenly because of a surprising and devastating realization.
Anyone with any amount of dating experience knows at least a few things that they love in a relationship and a few things they find unsavory.
Just like discovering our boundaries and what qualifies as a relationship deal breaker, most of us generally have a few rules that we tend to live by in every relationship, whether it's romantic, platonic, or professional.
Curious to learn some rules to live by, Redditor aytmamatov_musa asked:
"What relationship rule have you memorized forever?"
Actions Speak Louder than Words
"I can't remember the exact wording, but something to the effect of: Pay more attention to how invested your partner is in the relationship, not how much they say they are."
- why_im_single
Know Who Holds the Power
"I remember when I first realized that the person who has the most control in a relationship (especially ending it) is the person that cares about the relationship the least."
"When I thought of all the relationships that I had been in (not just sexual) and how one person decided sometimes months ahead of time that the relationship was over, I remember how oblivious the other person was when it ended."
"By the way, this can also be applied to employment relationships as well."
- Mo_Jack
Don't Fight for Someone's Attention
"If someone does not want to hear you, there is no way you can phrase anything to make them listen."
"This applies to all types of relationships, but I learned it from trying so hard to have a healthy relationship with my mother. Then when I left at 25, she responded by filing a missing person's report, hiring a PI (Personal Investigator), harassing my friends, and hacking my email and bank accounts to monitor my activity."
"This also ties into: abusers see you taking away their ability to abuse you, as an egregious theft of their rightful property."
- CurrentSingleStatus
Be a United Front
"Problems aren’t You vs Me. They’re Us vs The Problem."
- FilecakeAbroad
No Codependent Relationships Here
"You cannot help someone who does not want to be helped."
- Diesel07012012
Be Honest About Your Feelings
"Listen to how you describe your partner to friends, or how you think at the moment how you're describing your partner to them. That will tell you a lot about how you feel about them."
"If you're nervous about introducing them, listen to why. If you're apologizing for their actions, pausing to reframe positive ways to speak about them, or ignoring the red flags, then listen to that instinct. If you're constantly talking about the problems or hiding them, pay attention to why."
"I remember being in one relationship and having those feelings of, 'Should I introduce her to the family, when I talk to others about her, I'm exhausted from some argument, etc.'"
"I remember another relationship, thinking, 'Oh, I would love her to meet the family, she'd get along with everyone's kids, my friends would love her, I just had this great moment with her, and I wanted to tell people about it, I enjoy talking about her.'"
"When you experience that difference (and you have the wisdom and experience to know you're not being deluded by things like abuse or newness or getting caught up in a big fire that's going to burn out fast), it tells you so much."
- ConvenienceStoreDiet
Be Mindful of Reciprocation
"Something a friend of mine once told me was, 'Always ask yourself if this relationship isn't taking more from you than it is giving you.'"
"It saved me a lot of heartbreak."
- Interferonno2fan
R-E-S-P-E-C-T
"If they don’t respect your boundaries while dating, they won’t respect them in marriage."
- Rachel1578
Cheaters Gonna Cheat
"My best mate got with a woman who cheated on her then-boyfriend to be with him. Then my mate and she stayed together for four years, but she ended up cheating on him with another guy that she is now dating."
"I warned him in the beginning and advised him not to get into a relationship with her to start with. If she can do it with one guy, she can do it with another."
"His argument was that her then-boyfriend was not good enough for her which was why she is cheating on him. But what he failed to realize was that no one is the best in the world, and if she decides that he isn’t good enough for her in the future, then she will cheat on him too. And that is exactly what happened."
- dp9116
Acknowledge Red Flags
"Red flags look like normal flags when wearing rose-colored glasses."
- Mezame_Drgn
Common Interests Aren't Everything
"Having a lot in common doesn’t equal a good relationship. It’s just a decent starting foundation."
- ironicallyunstable
Don't Go to Bedroom Angry - Or Do?
"I wouldn't say forever, yet, but since becoming a wife, I have learned that it's okay to sleep off a fight. Don't have to 'resolve' everything right then and there. Give each other space to let steam off and talk in the morning."
- beanedjibe
Be Loved for Who You Are
"Do not change your personality if you don't want to... I didn't realize until the breakup, that my ex did not like me, just the idea of what I could be..."
- Bethedr
Know the Difference
"When an argument comes out of nowhere, ask 'Are you yelling at me, or to me?'"
"It's helped with a lot of arguments. Sometimes we just need a backboard to scream at, and nine out of ten times, that backboard is your significant other."
"A lot of arguments get bad just because they don't know you are releasing anger, which is healthy in the right way."
- spenser1994
Some of these seem pretty simple, but they can make a huge impact in a relationship, if not also to the trajectory and health of a person's life. By understanding our own worth and how it's valued by others, we gave give ourselves a much happier ever after than we might have otherwise settled for.