Divorced People Reveal The Final Straw That Ended Their Marriage
Reddit user glycerne asked: 'People who divorced, what was the final straw for you?'
When we think of two people getting married, we like to imagine it being the first day of their happily ever after story.
But some of these stories don't end happily, because their marriage was just a chapter in their story. And the reasons why these chapters end can be shocking at times.
Redditor glycerne asked:
"People who divorced, what was the final straw for you?"
Relationship Sabotage
"When I realized they weren’t trying to fix anything in the relationship, but were actively trying to make things worse. Turns out couples therapy was weaponized."
- pacmanman
"It’s pretty sad how many people agree to couples therapy just so they can try to use the therapist's words to win arguments."
- joecee97
The Annoying Partner
"When I realized they found every single thing I did to be annoying. The way I walk, talk, eat, sit, you name it. Other people seem to like me so I'd rather hang with them."
- TRIGMILLION
"There’s nothing worse in the world when this happens from someone that used to see you the opposite way, through a lens of infatuation, where everything you did was a cute quirk."
- Thursday_the_20th
Married Just Because
"I knew my first marriage was over when I'd come home from work and see her car in the driveway and sigh to myself because I didn't want her to be there."
"We were young, early 20s with two kids. I wasn't really in love with her. It was more of in love with the idea of being married, starting a family, etc."
"I tried to stick it out because that's what I thought you were supposed to do."
"After about another year, she asked for a divorce. I didn't want to be divorced, but I didn't want to be married to her, either. In the end, it was better that we got divorced."
- HumpieDouglas
The Malicious Partner
"I started running to help me lose weight. It was very successful."
"I got fit and skinny and he couldn’t deal with other men looking at me in public."
"It got so bad, I would look at the pavement if we were out somewhere, because if I happened to be looking up and some random guy crossed my field of vision, I would get berated, like, 'That guy was looking at you. What did you do? You were flirting with him in front of me.'"
"I was 'in trouble' simply for existing."
"As bad as that was, the 'last straw' came one morning when I was about to head out for a long run. I was in our kitchen putting on a hat and gloves and he said, 'You’re really looking forward to this, aren’t you?'"
"I said, 'Well, yeah.'"
"As I went out the back door, he said in a nasty, hateful voice oozing malice and condescension, 'Well, go appease the running gods, then.'"
" The moment I closed the door behind me, standing on my back porch, I thought, 'That’s it. I can’t listen to that for the rest of my life. I’m done.'"
"Our marriage was running on fumes at that point anyway, but that was it. The moment that broke me. Later that day, I said I was done and wanted a divorce."
"I’m coming up on 15 years since that moment and I don’t regret ending my marriage for one second."
- snerdie
Eye-Opening Advice
"I knew when our marriage counselor told me divorce was something the kids and I could work through but the never-ending H**L from my partner was not."
- 2x4x93
"I had a counselor tell me this. I didn’t believe her. Couldn’t believe her. Yet, she was correct. Everything regarding my relationship with my kids is better. Everything."
- former-bishop
The Cowardly Partner
"The told me the only reason they hadn’t already left was because they were a coward. I’m not."
- 2corbies
Their Dating Life
"When he started dating but forgot to tell me, his wife of ten years."
- itsybitsyboots
"Same, although a husband of ten years."
"I found the pictures on her laptop on Easter morning while she had taken our two kids to the neighborhood park. Easter was a rough holiday for a couple of years after that. I'm much better now."
- Puzzleheaded-Cut3144
An Expensive Gift
"When I discovered he had spent a fortune on a necklace and he didn’t give it to me on Christmas Day."
"We had two very small children and no spare money so I was a little bit put out that he had spent so much money on me... but it wasn’t for me."
"It was a horrific Christmas. I went to the bank to check on other things to find he had forged all my details and taken me off the joint bank account. And I didn’t see any of it coming."
"I left with my children and the clothes we stood up in. It was soooo hard but we are okay now."
- doloresfandango
The Unsupportive Partner
"I’m very family oriented. We went on a family vacation and he told me what a bad mother and wife I was because I wasn’t catering enough to his needs (I was helping everyone pack their clothes and food, I packed the car, and he didn’t help), and I forgot my son's milk (which was easily purchased the next morning)."
"There were so many more things but that was that."
"He still won’t sign the divorce papers."
- Bella-Y-Terrible
"I've been researching this because I’m unfortunately likely going to be getting a divorce soon."
"In my state, the papers need to be served and then the other party has 60 days to respond. If they don’t respond, it just defaults to the person filing as 'winning.'"
"It’s like most lawsuits. If you don’t respond after being properly served, you’ll lose by default."
- Bg-j38
The Projecting Partner
"It was when he told me he didn't think I had ever loved him."
"We had been married for 10 years, and we had two children together. I had stood by his side as he spiraled into depression, anxiety, and panic attacks, I had forgiven him for multiple affairs, and dropped out of school to support our family when he abruptly quit his job citing mental health concerns."
"Yet after all this, he was convinced I had 'never' loved him."
"And I realized that it was all projection. No one wants to be the bad guy in their own story, and he couldn't face that he didn't want the life we had built, so he concocted a story in his head that shifted the blame to me, and decided I had never loved him."
"I had withstood an awful lot in what had become a very toxic environment, but in that moment, I knew I had to leave. No point in sticking around to try to convince someone you love them if they have determined you don't."
"I took off my ring that day, and never put it back on."
- PaganButterflies
When the Grass Is Greener
"When I found on his phone that he was complimenting this woman on how wonderful a mother she was because her sick kid got better."
"He had spent ten years telling me how lazy, useless, and worthless I was, even though I did 99% of everything at home including all the childcare. Yet he could be nice to this woman, he was actually capable of kindness and compliments."
"He was also sexting her but I felt mostly betrayed by him giving attention and kindness to someone while being a complete d-bag to me."
- Alien_Nicole
Never Good Enough
"He told me constantly that my career (the one I’d met him in) was pointless and I didn’t contribute anything."
"So I spent years re-training for a different career and was promoted after a year, way ahead of expected schedule, to a leadership position."
"He didn’t want me to take it and made it clear that he didn’t think I could do it, but I took it anyway."
"Then I was earning more money than him and working about 60 hours per week, and he complained the house looked like crap."
"I agreed and suggested that we got a cleaner now I could afford it."
"He told me, 'This house isn’t big enough to justify a cleaner. You should be able to deal with it.'"
"I realized I’d never be anything but an inconvenience to him. He didn’t actually want me to be successful, just a housewife, even though he seemed to hate that too. I couldn’t win. So I left."
"(Now I'm very happily remarried to my biggest cheerleader.)"
- RiverLover27
The Not-So-Peaceful Home
"I felt sick to my stomach and anxious all the time. That 'walking on eggshells' feeling. When I realized after she went back to work part-time that the highlight of my life was when she was not there but I was home alone with our daughter."
"It was so hard because I had to give up being with my child full-time, but after many bumpy years our shared custody is pretty fair, and we really don’t have much animosity left between us."
- Sookecute
The Unfaithful Partner
"Easy peasy."
"She started hanging out with her manager from work where she used to work. Lunches, brunches, dinners, and drinks. She would tell me I wouldn’t understand what they were talking about since it was work-related and we were working in different fields."
"No problem. I trusted her until one day while she was seated on her sofa and I was cooking, I went to make her try her favorite food, and I saw a message from the guy along the lines of, 'I'm so happy you’ve had your lunch, beautiful.'"
"When confronted, I was told he was just a friend and nothing else."
"I told her it’s been eating me up inside, because it made me feel uncomfortable that she’s spending so much time with him and he’s clearly flirting. I asked her how would It feel if the roles were reversed and I was spending eight hours at their place. I was told that it was okay because that’s my best friend."
"Fast forward a couple of months, and I was seeing my parents for the first time in nine years. I was super elated."
"That was when she dropped the bomb that she wanted a divorce. She left the entire mortgage and debt on me and bounced."
"She moved in with the guy the same day she moved out, citing it would be cost-efficient. She makes six figures, by the way. She told me I could keep the house and in return pay her some money back."
"It's been the best eight or nine months of my life ever since. As it turns out, she was indeed cheating but couldn’t come to terms with telling me about it, so she bounced. It's weird how people who have been with you for 10 years tell you some of the most vile things known to man in order to gaslight you and break you down."
"Edited to add: A few people asked if they are still together. And apparently, they are. She told one of her ex-friends that they just got together but she was called out on it. So she cut ties with almost all of her friends, lol (laughing out loud)."
- AcePrit
Better Without Them
"My first wife decided she doesn’t want to be married anymore and we separated."
"I moved away and got my life together, and she then decided that she wanted me back."
"I told her my life was fine as it is now and did not want to get back together."
"She sent me divorce papers a month later."
- dma1965
There are countless reasons why a relationship might not work out, but these Redditors definitely had some stories to tell.
Divorced People Divulge How They Could Have Actually Saved Their Marriage
When a marriage comes to an end, it is a devastating realization that the person with whom you've exchanged vows is not the same person anymore.
There are many unpredictable factors contributing to the demise of a marriage.
Maybe there were red flags that were ignored. Maybe there had been an ongoing affair. Or maybe a couple rushed to the altar—blinded by lust—and later realized they were not compatible.
Unfortunately, the opportunities to salvage a marriage on the rocks are usually undetectable until far too much emotional damage is done.
Curious to hear from those who've moved on from their marriages, Redditor ItzFruity asked:
"Divorced people of Reddit, what could have saved your marriage?"
These Redditors realized hindsight was 20/20 in 2021.
Team Mentality
"Being aware that marriage should be us as a unit, not me vs them. It took me awhile to process the lesson, but I did better the second time around."
"Marriage is not 50/50 it's 100/100."
Prioritizing Work
"I used to travel 150-200 days a year for my international recruitment job. I would be gone to Asia or Latin America for a few weeks and then come back for a week, but I was never really present when I was at home because I was so tired. I never cheated on her when I was on the road (like a lot of my colleagues did), but that really wasn't enough to keep the marriage going. She developed interests outside of the marriage and it ended."
"I think i should have turned down a few of the travel opportunities with my job to balance things out and be more present. But the money was so good, I thought that would ultimately make us happy."
Growing Up To Do
"Should have been more aware of them. I was a selfish prick. Emphasis on the was, as it's been nearly 20 years and I have grown up a lot."
Listen Up
"Better communication. I worked too much and didn't really listen to her when she indirectly said not to work so hard. She got fed up and left for someone else."
- 64645
Pressure, whether from peers or self-imposed, inevitably contributed to the demise of the following marriages.
Controlling The Relationship
"My first husband's friends told him never to compromise or let me have what I wanted, because then he would have 'lost' control of the relationship. That...went about as well as you'd expect, if the 'first' in husband wasn't a hint."
People Explain Which Expensive Purchases Paid For Itself In The Long Run | George Takei’s Oh Myyy
Not A Race
"Him hitting me and cheating on me less? I should have never married him. I thought I was 'behind' other people my age in life, didn't realize then that it's not a race and people hit milestones differently. I learned from my mistakes and made a much better choice the 2nd time around."
The Other Child
"If he hadn't had an affair with my 'best friend' that I've known since the 2nd grade. Her youngest daughter is definitely his, and their daughter is 7 months younger than our daughter. The only time we are all together the was at my Mom's house at Christmas time for a couple of days."
"I found out 8 years later that my God baby was my husband's child.. we had been married 17 years then. We tried to make it work as roommates for the kids and we had just bought our first house, but it didn't work and we had a bitter divorce."
Therapy can sometimes save a failing marriage. But both parties have to be willing to put in the work, unlike in one of the examples, below.
A Late Revelation
"I was married to the sweetest man. He was just.. always trying to prove himself to the world, always unhappy with his achievements, thinking he was not masculine enough, quite a nervous demeanour.. I can't really explain. He also drank more and more over the years. By the time we turned 40 we decided to divorce. We chose to not have children, so we felt it was fine to just let each other be. We're still friends, although over the past 4 years since the divorce we did grow apart of course. But we see each other regularly still. Then.. a few months ago, he told me he went into therapy. Because as a child he had been sexually abused by a 'friend' of the family."
"So there it is. I wonder ever since he told me that if he had confided in me or had gotten therapy earlier, in any way let this 'secret' out, we would've stayed together. It makes me sad, all of it."
Giving Up
"if my ex didn't give up in therapy, once we identified my personal issues and I started working on it, and things didn't magically get better. it became apparent that she had issues to work on as well. her response was, and these words are burned into my heart forever 'no... I dont want to work on it anymore... I'm done.'"
Avoid Focusing On Pettiness
"These are the things I've learned in 26 years, still married but almost divorced twice. Don't sweat the small sh*t, it's absolutely not worth it to either of you. Be willing to make compromises and look at the things from your partner's perspective, or simply in a way that doesn't place your views and feelings on a pedestal. Try your hardest not to be an uncompromising a**hole, that's also not worth it and both your lives will be much happier and more laid back. Be honest about your feelings and concerns etc. Try your hardest to support each other and work as a team through the difficulties in your relationship and your life and you will be able to conquer anything together."
"Also try to make time at least every couple of days to do something together that you both enjoy, even if it's only for an hour or two. eg: watch tv/movie, go for a walk, eat out. paint Warhammer, listen to music.....whatever, just something. you will cherish those times later and it will bring you closer together."
Marriage, or any relationship for that matter, takes work.
If couples are in it for the long haul, they can't expect the spark that brought them together would remain steady.
It was too late for many of the Redditors above who shared their stories, but we could learn a lot of valuable lessons through their experiences that would help us keep the relationships that are worth fighting for.
People Who Married In Their Early 20s Explain Whether They Regret Their Decision Or Not
There are so many cultural narratives about "being in your 20s."
We're supposed to explore, travel, educate ourselves, meet people, try new things and "get life experience," whatever that means.
But in the same breathe, people tell us we're not kids anymore, so we need to grow up, find a decent job, focus on career development, handle personal finances wisely, and consider the long view.
All the different advice is enough to make the head spin.
So it's no surprise that marrying early is a rather loaded concept. Choosing to tie the knot before 25 is a big commitment made a young age, there is no doubt about it.
A recent Reddit thread illustrated that while the decision is definitely not for everyone, it worked for plenty of folks out there.
sonOfTheSun28 asked, "People that married early (between 20-25), how has it impacted your life, do you regret it or was it the best decision you ever made?"
All Worked Out
"I was 25, she was 23. It's been 10 years that we formed a couple, and 6 years married. She's currently on the PC, and I'm watching over our 7 months old baby."
"Pretty good decision to marry her."
"Diplomacy"
"Got married at age 18. Still married to the same man at age 70. 51 years of diplomacy 💕" -- Dobba1969
"I can't wait to get here. My husband and I got married at 19/20, we are now both 27 and going strong. Been together since we were 15." -- bindsaybindsay
The Right Choice
"No regrets. Been married since I was 24, I'm 50 now. Best. Woman. Ever. IMO." -- keltoy1549
"Early? I was 25 and thought it was kinda' late."
3 plus decades later, still laughing and enjoying married life. Here's some unsolicited advice; find someone who not only laughs at your jokes, but makes you laugh just as much. And have as many kids as you can afford, because they give you pure joy." -- originalmango
A Seamless Flow
"My husband and I got married when we were both 23. We had already been living together for years, had combined finances, etc. so we had basically been married beforehand anyway."
"We went to the courthouse and got married by a justice of the peace. Then we went back to our apartment and back to our lives."
"Literally nothing changed lol. We're still very happy and own a home now with 2 dogs, so I'd say it worked out for us so far. Our 4th wedding anniversary will be in January."
-- glowbaby
Other Factors Besides Age
"I have one friend who married his high school sweetheart when they were 18. They have 3 children and seem very happy and content. He is always talking about how much he loves his wife."
"I have another friend who married his college girlfriend once he graduated and hit 21. They moved to California and only lasted 2 years before he found out she was cheating on him. He has said numerous times that it was one of the biggest mistakes he has ever made."
"I guess it all depends on you, and the other person..."
-- Stevie-Avail
A Tumultuous Decade
"We were 23 and 24 when we married, we had been together for 3 years then. That was 12 years ago, currently we are sipping coffee together while he plays a game and I browse reddit. He is hands down the best decision of my life."
"That being said, it wasn't easy especially in the beginning. It's been a lot of hard work and raw emotion getting to where we are today. We agree that that age range is a bit young and somewhat foolish to decide to marry, though sometimes it works."
"There's so much growth that takes place between 20-30, we were fortunate to grow together instead of apart."
-- SlackAsh
The Other Side
"It was stupid. Wish I hadn't. I regret it to this day."
"Wrecked my life - she's got psychological problems and decided to ditch me a couple of months after marriage."
Inarguable Outcomes
"I got married at twenty five. It lasted ten years or so. I can't regret it, because it produced the best daughter a guy could ever want."
"That alone makes me a man wealthy beyond measure."
-- stupidlyugly
Constantly Evolving
"I was 24 so at the top end of your spectrum but yes, in all honesty, I regret it."
"I am a completely different person now with new ideas, new goals, new views on marriage itself. I didn't give myself enough time to 'find myself' even though I had lived on my own for 6 years at the time."
"I wish I had waited until at least 30 or never gotten married at all. This is stuff my husband knows, we've talked about it a lot. It's not about him at all, it's about how I've changed."
"He hasn't changed along with me - I mean, he has changed of course (been married 17 years), but not in the same ways I have. That isn't a criticism of him at all, just the way it is."
-- DTownForever
Living Alone is Pretty Wonderful
"We got married when we were 18. It's been 20 years, and we've had a few rough patches, but I only have one regret. I'm almost 40, and I've never lived alone."
"I feel like we both missed out on an important part of growing up by not having that experience."
-- froggiehud
Be Ready
"I was 22, but my husband was 28. He's definitely one of the good ones. It's been 10 years, and he's still my best friend."
"However, I wouldn't recommend getting married young, or at all, if you aren't committed to communicating through the hard times and fighting for your marriage, because the hard times will come."
Lukewarm
"Started dating at 19, married at 24, divorced at 39."
"I don't know. Both she and I are in much better places now. I'd say it was a learning experience; but it was also an experience experience..."
"I don't regret my relationship with her. I regret how much we both let it drag on during some really passionless and tense years at the end. The last 7 years of our marriage we were basically room-mates."
-- boxed_monkey
No Rush
"It was the worst decision I ever made, and I do regret it. We got divorced. Just don't be in such a rush. You can always get married a little later!" -- queennbee
"I just don't plan on getting married at all. I believe in committed relationships, but people can change and/or situations can change. 1 year down the line, 10 years, etc. and the end will usually suck, but complicating it even more with divorce proceedings just seems like a good thing to avoid." -- QuasarsRcool
Thrilled as Ever
"Best decision of my life. I was 21. She was 20. We're mid 50s now and still happily together. 3 kids, 5 grandkids, and we're blessed with (or fortunate to have) enough health to enjoy them all."
"The way I see it, I married someone way too good for me, but she doesn't seem to realize it. Shhhh! Please don't tell her! I've got a great thing going here!"
-- blibbidyblam
20/20 Hindsight
"I was 17 and he was 20 when we got married. I had always been sheltered by my parents so didn't know how to make such life choice. I definitely married the wrong person. I thought I loved him but didn't really know what love was or what to expect."
"We were married for 4 years when I called it off. I just couldn't take anymore of his controlling crap. I married my parents so to speak."
External Factors
"I was with my husband at age 16, we got married at 20. We split up when I was 30. I don't regret it, we had a good 10 years of love that were actually nearly perfect."
"But then he got into heroin. That sucks the soul out of people. Say no to drugs, everyone."
Something More Important Than Timing
"Best. Second best was to not have kids."
"But it wasn't the "early" part that was or is important."
"The important question is 'is this the right person to spend the rest of your life with?'"
"If you have any reservations, it's not the right time. For you."
-- michaelh98
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