Sex work is one of the oldest professions in history. Prostitution (an outdated term) has been seen in text dating as far back as 2400 B.C.
With that in mind, sex work is still highly criminalized, having divided early feminists in a way that remains today. The stigma around sex work causes a great deal of strife for the worker, and it certainly doesn't help when dating.
At the same time, OnlyFans has been on the rise since the start of the pandemic. So, there are probably more sex workers in the dating pool than we think.
We went to AskReddit to see what men are thinking when it comes to dating someone in this line of business.
Redditor BambiKittens666 asked:
"Men: would you ever date a woman who was a sex worker? (Prostitute, stripper, online adult entertainer, etc).. why or why not?"
The anonymity of Reddit definitely helps with user honesty.
Just wasn't his scene.
"I dated a stripper for a little bit. Early in the relationship, everything was actually great. I wasn’t much of a party or strip club guy but I never thought anything was wrong with it, if that makes sense."
"The closer we got, it just didn’t work out. She wanted me to visit her at work quite a bit, and hang with her work friends. Just wasn’t my scene."
- 1drose
"That's pretty interesting dude. It sounds like she might really liked you and was happy that she had found someone that accepted her for being her. She wanted to show you off. Just my assumption."
- ddubc
She would be furious.
"No."
"My wife would be furious."
- MrBoddles
"Yeah it’s a no from me too, this guy’s wife would be furious."
- wannabememer0510
"Happened to quite a few of us. This guy's wife was furious every single time."
- CervezaPorFavor
A sad story of addiction.
"Dated a stripper for around a year. It was a great relationship. I was supportive of her job and encouraged her to pursue other things she showed interest in."
"She was confident and independent. Something I'd not had previously to that relationship. Our conversation was great, our banter was amazing."
"Many people saw us and thought we had been together a long time. They always said they could feel our chemistry."
"Some of my fondest most cherished memories come with her. At the time I didn't know bc she hid it from me."
"A few of the fellow dancers turned her onto some hard drugs and it greatly affected our relationship. And caused us to breakup."
"Last I saw her she was an intravenous meth user. That shit hurt me more than anything I've experienced. She shot up in the passenger seat of my car was how I found out."
"After letting her sleep at my place and shower. She left. I've cried for myself, I've cried because of others. That's the only time I've cried for someone else."
"That was a beautiful relationship and a beautiful human who's been utterly destroyed by drugs. It changed my entire view on addiction. A real sobering experience."
"I tried to help by providing a safe space for her to be. To rest and shower. Got her some food and gas."
"Paid her phone bill twice. Drove her to court a few times. But always encouraging her that she needed help. She refused/didn't want to help herself."
"While taking her to pick up some belongings from her mom's house one time I had to call an ambulance. She was having some sort of psychosis. claiming she saw things and they spoke to her. While in the ER she lied to the doctors. That was one of the longest days of my life."
"I've had to distance myself from her because while I provided help she refused to help herself and I felt I was being used after a while. I want her to get better and clean more than anything."
"I remember the time we had fondly. I look up her name every few months to make sure she's hasn't passed away."
- Cbrm12
They were unapologetic and kind.
"I’ve dated two sex workers, one was a BDSM-type, and she was/is a lovely and confident person."
"I think on the third-or-so date, after her insisting on paying for everything, I deduced that she might earn a little more money than the average ‘car insurance salesperson’ that she introduced herself as."
"I asked calmly over breakfast if she had other incomes, and she was very honest, open, unapologetic, and I appreciated that so much. We discussed whether she wanted to talk about work, and she clearly stated that sometimes she would like to talk about it, and sometimes not."
"We got on really well for 2-3 months, then things faded for us, but I have nothing but fond memories. She taught me how to cook authentic Italian meatballs."
"The other one was an absolutely beautiful human who made me feel attractive and wanted after I’d just come out of an awful relationship. When I met her, she’d already made plans to move overseas, and she followed those plans. We still stay in regular contact to this day."
"I’m now in a long-term relationship, and have children and a new life, but I look back on those two people with nothing but respect and happiness, as it’s how they treated me."
"I think if you’re honest with yourself first and foremost about what you can handle, and also honest with the other person, it can work and be such a positive thing. But you have to work just as hard as you do with any relationship."
- holodelnek
It'd be tough to talk about work.
"No. Because I'll be dammed if she comes home and tells me she had a good day at work."
- shaggi_ezekio
"Or she tells you it was a hard day at work."
- MerovingianT-Rex
"Or that it was a long day."
- SOUINnnn
Open but it's uncharted territory.
"I'm open to the idea, but not entirely sure I could handle it."
- emueller5251
"Similarly, I'm in no way philosophically opposed but I'm 100% sure I couldn't handle it."
- RemarkableMilk
"Same here. Girls you do what makes you happy, there's no judgement here and I'm not against sex workers or anything, I just know full well I wouldn't be able to handle that setup myself. I don't like the idea of others seeing my partner naked, nor me if I'm with someone, just the way it goes."
- A_Few_Kind_Words
A fear that something would go wrong.
"No can’t do it. I’m too insecure to do something like that. I’m not even afraid to admit it, my mind would go nuts on all the things that could go wrong. A lot of my fear would also stem from someone feeling entitled and harming them because of their profession."
- abnthug
"That's not insecurity. That's a cost/risk analysis. Stay true to your moral code."
- LordKutulu
Wanting monogamy is a valid reason.
"What up with people calling guys that say no insecure? Or people who just don't know?"
"There is nothing wrong with sex work or dating a sex worker, but if someone doesn't feel comfortable with dating one, why are they insecure?"
"If that person wants sex to be something special between them and their partner, it's their choice to make and doesn't mean they are insecure. The opposite is true, they just know what they want."
- f*ckin_anti_pope
"'Not wanting people to have sex with your girlfriend makes you insecure.'"
"Some people here feel the need to justify their 'no' by getting all deep in there feelings and talking about 'insecurities.' My answer is no, because I think it's gross."
"I don't want to have sex with someone that's having sex with other people. Especially a lot of them."
"If you're the type of person that thinks I'm a 'misogynist' for not wanting other people to have sex with my partner, then you're the exact type of person who's opinion I don't care about lol."
- kilo73
A Normal Job
"Currently I am dating a girl who is a webcam model."
"I love her very much and I am very happy. I accept it and it doesn't really impact our relationship. I see it as a normal job."
"I even help her with videos."
"I don't see anything wrong."
- Danbard_Oil6651
Would And Do
"I would and do."
"I help her out with her OnlyFans and she just got a job at a strip club. It doesn’t Phase me personally, I enjoy showing her off."
"As long as there is Transparency and Communication then it’s just like any other job."
- ThaAussiePanda
After Work
"No. I would not."
"I read about a guy who was dating a porn star. He thought it was great at first, but when he got home from work, and wanted to have sex, she could not."
"Her 'parts' were too sore from work to have sex with him."
- bigwhitedogs
Real People
"Having dated one or two in my lifetime, I can say, unreservedly, that I absolutely would."
"I don't think most people (men) understand (or care) that sex workers are real people just like they are. And honestly, I've always believed that those who would say no are just not very self confident."
- Monk2222
Be Honest
"Burlesque performer here."
"It’s completely ok if you aren’t comfortable with dating someone who works in adult entertainment/sex work/etc. But PLEASE be honest about that with both yourself and your prospective partner before getting into a serious relationship."
"I know far too many burlesque performers/strippers/pro dommes with partners who are ‘ok with it’, but turn around and make passive aggressive comments, or use it as fodder in arguments."
- ThoseArentCarrots
Spare Cash
"Yes!!"
"My favorite ex was stripping for the first 1/3 of our relationship. She had a lot of extra cash she would sometimes spend on me and hot outfits that she would wear in the bedroom."
"I could’ve handled my own jealousy better, but she eventually left stripping for her own reasons. I would totally do it again (date another sex worker…or her lol)!!!"
- rawr-xd-
"No."
"I have no problem with women (or anyone, for that matter) doing sex work, but part of my values in a partner is keeping certain things intimate, between people in a committed relationship."
"If she strips or has sex for money, good for her, but that's a deal-breaker for me regarding serious relationships."
- WilliamBott
Distinguishing Between The Two
"Yes, and I have, more than once."
"I wouldn't specifically seek a girl out just because she's a sex worker but it doesn't give me pause."
"The biggest benefit is that they don't have the same reservations or associations with sex that the majority of women do. I'm not saying I just want f*ck buddies but I would like the decision to be sexually active and the decision to be in a committed relationship to be two different decisions, and sex workers distinguish between the two."
"Just recently a female friend of mine was expressing frustration that she's not emotionally in a place where she should be having romantic relationships but really wants some physical intimacy, but she's afraid that if she even asks she'll be accused of being a slag."
- seless_moniker
It's A Plus
"I've been friends with benefits with an escort for a little over 3 years now, she is also one of my closest and most cherished friendships."
"If I was interested in her romantically I would absolutely want to date her."
"I have very weird and specific sexual needs, which have historically been difficult to implement in the context of a relationship. It is almost a requirement for me that any potential partner be"
"a) very open to experimenting with sex and/or"
"b) be comfortable with a relationship where we can each get our needs met outside the relationship."
"In that sense, it is actually a plus when someone has a job that implies they may be one or both of these things."
- iwanttoendmylife22
Everyone is entitled to their own preferences.
Monogamy is not for everyone the same way that polyamory is not for everyone.
As long as we aren't judging those who are in the sex work field, no harm done.
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