People Divulge The Wildest Cheating Stories They've Ever Heard
Reddit user WCh3L3 asked: 'What’s the wildest cheating story you’ve witnessed or happened to you?'
The people who love you the most can break your heart because of their betrayal of trust.
Cheating is cowardly and inexcusable, but depending on the situation and the couple, it is possible for them to find a path to healing emotional wounds.
But there are some ways in which infidelity is totally unforgivable.
That's the kind of scenario Redditor WCh3L3 was curious to hear about when they asked:
"What’s the wildest cheating story you’ve witnessed or happened to you?"
It must be exhausting leading double lives.
Hospital News
"A friend of a friend found out that her husband was cheating when she got to the hospital to see her husband who had just moments before been brought in by ambulance after a serious car accident only to be denied entry to his room because 'his wife was already in the room with him.'"
"He had two simultaneous lives with two women, neither of which was aware of the other."
– JeBronlLames
The Ruse
"My ex-wife pretended to be admitted to a mental health ward for long term treatment while actually staying with her new man and cheating on me."
– Impossible-Visit-199
"This one is just next level."
– most-royal-chemist
"That’s some Batman villain level of intrigue and machination. His wife missed her calling and wasted her abilities on sleeping around."
– filifijonka
A Separate Life
"My friend's mom was in a relationship with a guy for years and they ended up getting engaged and due to marry."
"The guy was a senior director of a company for which he travelled every week abroad for business."
"Eventually, the guy had a heart attack and when my friends mom turned up at the hospital, his wife and 2 kids were there also."
"Turned out he was already married with children and living a double life the whole time. When he went 'abroad' for business, he was simply going back to his actual family."
– wallbagz
Here's The Story
"My dad did this. He worked nights and would juggle both families that way."
"He came clean after he got admitted to hospital for heart trouble and realised that if things went badly he’d end up in this exact situation."
"I was 16 when he came clean that I have an older brother and sister. They found out about me then too - as did his wife."
"ETA: I’d actually already figured it out before he told me though. Nobody else had."
"EATA: I saw a preview of a text on my dad’s phone from my sister. I didn’t know she was my sister obviously, but it said ‘hi dad, mum says…’"
"At first I was in denial and I thought his friend must have borrowed his phone or something. I started to watch him more closely."
"He had a ringtone (lol the 00’s) that would say the name of the caller. I noticed whenever a certain name rang he’d leave the room. Some tactical eavesdropping later and 15 year old me had it figured out that I had a brother and sister."
"I didn’t clock I had a stepmother though, or that I was family no2 and they were his primary family. But I still think I did pretty well!"
"My whole family on my mum’s side knew - mum respected that it was my dad’s secret to tell and she gave him time to tell it. (Although they did have a few arguments about it as I was growing up, I never knew what they were about at the time.)"
– notemily-
Life is never the same once the truth comes out.
Shameless
"A family friend's husband was having an affair for 20+ years and that woman knew the entire time about his family. He was at her ranch one time and was bucked off a horse and broke his back. The affair partner called his wife to tell her and acted like everything about this situation was normal and the wife had no reason to act all upset at the affair. Some people really just have no shame."
"Guy lived and made a complete recovery, left his mistress and they stayed together since they were working on their relationship. He died a few years ago and the wife finds out he never actually left his mistress just lied."
– SailoLee92
Unilateral Decision
"In a small town the husband kept telling people he had an open marriage; finally someone asked his wife about it, she was unaware of this new arrangement."
– Long_Strange_Trip_GD
Rehab Romance
"Was in rehab, two people were there for sex addiction one a minister the other a Jewish housewife. They left rehab together early. Woman divorced her husband who sent her to rehab for sex addiction and married the guy she met in rehab. They are still married 10 years later and seem very happy."
– Life-Evidence-6672
On The Case
"I knew a guy years ago that was a private investigator. Many times he was approached by a spouse who suspected their partner was cheating."
"He had a slam-dunk strategy. He would suggest his client sign up for a course, whether a hobby thing, or educational. The key was that the class would happen for a period of weeks, all on the same day of the week, and all at the same time of day."
"Then, while his client was in class, he would follow the spouse."
"Caught them every time."
– PJMurphy
If you have a hunch about an unfaithful significant other, it's there for a reason.
Going For A Run
"Had a coworker who cheated on her live-in boyfriend. She would tell him she was going for a run, put on her shorts without underwear and would f'k her side piece in the apartment parking lot. So then she would come back inside sweaty 30 mins later and needed to shower and it all made sense to her boyfriend, he never questioned it. She was an awful human."
– rashawah
It Made Scents
"A friend caught her husband cheating because he kept coming home smelling like ferrets."
"Hard to play off 'long day at work' and explain that."
"When she found out at a holiday party that one of the young female coworkers owned ferrets, it all made sense."
– benloe7
Special Delivery
"I used to go to a comic shop. And the comic shop owner knew all of the gossip in the area. Nice dude. Remembers all of his regulars and asks about you if he hasn’t seen you in awhile to check in on people. Lot of people in the area grew up with his shop. So he’s got stories."
"Anyways he told us about this story from some years back about this regular. Who disappeared for a few months. Comes back one day. And the shop owner asks him, 'hey, man. Haven’t seen you in awhile?' Kind of like where have you been. The regular was like oh I’ve been getting divorced. I had to move it was a whole thing."
"So naturally the shop owner asks. 'Why are you divorcing your wife?' The regular caught his wife cheating."
"He had picked up a 2nd part time job as pizza delivery man because he was trying to fund to take his wife on her dream vacation. All of the money he earned from that job was supposed to go into that vacation. He had been working this job for like 6 months. It was a whole secret. She didn’t know he was doing that for her. Because he was trying to surprise her."
"He was the pizza delivery man at the motel. She was cheating at him with. The dude she was cheating on him with answered the door with her right next to him."
"He apparently didn’t even go back to the pizza place. He quit on the spot. Went home. Packed his sh*t and left town."
– TheMysticalPlatypus
Those who are unfaithful in their relationships may think they're good enough for more than one person, but they're usually not.
And while you may not believe in it, there's something called karma, and watching it enact justice can be extremely gratifying.
If you were the one being cheated on, know that the person with whom you've fallen in love is not the kind of person you want to spend the rest of your life with and there will always be a better human who will respect you and love you.
And if you were the cheater, watch your back. Because whether you believe in it or not, karma's coming for ya.
The Real Reason Why People Cheated In A Relationship
Reddit user polyaprotic asked: 'People who cheated in a relationship, why?'
Cheating is one of those actions in a relationship that is super divisive.
Most people are either dead-set against it or basically all about it.
But there are some who could understand how it could happen, and others who were willing enough to discuss what led them down that road of possibility, to begin with.
Redditor polyaprotic asked:
"People who cheated in a relationship, why?"
Adventures Gone Wrong
"He had a side chick who was my best friend (she thought we were in a poly relationship but it was just him who wanted us both) so I cheated on him with her and stole his side chick."
"I told him I’d be okay with it if it wasn’t just him who got to date my best friend and me and that us girls also got to date."
"He told her I was okay with it just being him dating us, even though it was really me she wanted to date and he was just an extra since I was dating him at the time."
"I stayed with her for a while, but we mutually decided we were better as friends and are still best friends to this day."
- Outrageous-Dare2755
Growing Apart
"25 years in the military working away, I never once cheated on my wife. But after leaving the military, I was so busy working and earning, we started to grow apart."
"We both knew it but crucially, I buried my head in the hopes things would get better."
"She had a brief affair, citing the gap between us as the reason. She never once talked to me or tried to improve things but then again neither did I."
"The difference being I still loved my wife but she fell out of love with me... look after what you have as you never know when it will be gone."
"I do blame myself. Yes, she had the affair and she owns that and the fallout from it, but I created the conditions that allowed it to happen. I knew things weren't okay."
"There is so much more in hindsight that I could have said or done but didn't. That is on me."
- jimbojetset35
Simple Math
"I was young, selfish, and broken."
- theomniconian
"It was a decision I made, selfishly, getting caught up in the heat of things and not taking someone I loved into consideration when I did it. Just outright generally being an a**hole all around, something I’ve thought about over the years and deeply regretted."
"Once you really hurt someone like that, it truly sticks in your mind and you never forget it."
"You can’t take it back, ya know? You can only make sure you never make such a terrible action again."
- Neat_Theory_5236
Perpetual Lying
"Cheating is just a form of lying. It's not the cheating that's the problem, it's a symptom of a bigger problem which is lying."
- RaspberryTurtle987
One Similarity Between Bullying and Cheating: Self-Esteem
"I don’t think malice is usually the root of cheating, I think low self-esteem is. One can hate themselves so badly, that they cheat to prove to themselves that 'they still got it' or 'they win at life,' but it usually leads to just more drama, like they cheat to hurt someone else (that’s where malice comes in)."
"As for the person they cheat with… sometimes kind of the same thing… they hate themselves to the point of having to get the high of stealing what’s not theirs? 'One up' another man or woman, so to speak."
"Many times it’s the low self-esteem of lying to themselves that 'if it’s meant to be' or 'the cheater wouldn’t cheat if things weren’t really bad.' 'I’ve never felt this way before, it must be right,' etc. But in their heart, they know it’s trash reasoning, and they will feel like s**t in the end. Hurt people hurt themselves and others."
"And then of course, sometimes the person is just another victim of the cheater, who said she/he was single. And we all feel for that person, because they thought they met someone single and special, and it was doomed from the beginning."
"I dropped my best friend of 20 years when she became so desperate that she started entertaining the thought of affairs with married men I knew. She was never previously that type of woman… but she was hitting her late 20s, and just getting so desperate to find someone and settle down. I loved her as a friend, but I was no longer recognizing the girl I once knew."
"We as a society can’t preach but then stand by. Her act was selfish, and not only affected her but affected so many of our friends that knew the family. When I walked away, to my surprise, so did everybody. I felt bad for her, but I wasn’t going to be a part of a family being torn apart."
"Luckily in the end, the guy she was interested in didn’t cheat on his wife, and the family is still intact 15 years later, doing great."
- Koko-Bear
All Part of the Wedding Planning...
"Reason given was, 'one last fling before the ring.'"
- vanroy241090
"If that’s what you decide to do before you get married, why even get married in the first place? What a waste of f**king time. I’ll never understand people like that."
- GoldenGlobeWinnerRDJ
Exiting Abusive Relationships
"My ex-wife was incredibly abusive and controlling, and she used violence and the police to keep me from leaving her."
"Women around me started to sympathize and approach me, and I was so starved for affection that I didn't even hesitate."
"I found the love of my life and we've been together for eleven years now. We've never even had a serious fight, it's bliss."
- Daetok_Lochannis
The Last First Kiss
"I was the other guy. A woman I'd known for a couple of years was becoming increasingly disillusioned with her husband, he was drinking too much and getting more and more emotionally and verbally abusive, and we had a two-month fling because she wanted to feel valued again."
"She dumped me and told me she was going to make a proper go of her marriage, she gave him six months to quit drinking or she was going to kick him out, he just got worse, and the final straw was when he drunkenly dragged their eldest kid out of bed at 2:00 AM to berate him about the state of his bedroom."
"She kicked him out. A week later, we hooked up again. 22 years and two grown-up children later, our fling is going quite well."
- vinny876
The Apology Isn't Coming
"I was selfish, I can think of a hundred reasons why I did, but in the end, I was just selfish. I do not have many regrets in my life but that one will stay with me forever. A life lesson learned the hard way."
- blister693
"My ex-girlfriend cheated on me (I'll have to see her for a while because I had a son by her). Reading things like this gives me hope that one day she'll look at herself and finally admit how badly she hurt me."
"Thanks for sharing. I'm glad you learned and hope you'll treat your current or future significant others with much more respect."
- Thre3zekiel
"Closure doesn't come from other people. Don't hang your hopes on getting closure from her."
"My ex is happy as a pig in s**t. He has no regrets."
"If my happiness was based on his apology, I'd still be unhappy."
- mykidisonhere
Long-Distance Relationships Aren't For Everyone
"I blamed cheating on being in a long-distance relationship. I think it's really that people like attention and can't turn away from it when it becomes something more."
"I personally would feel bad about it when it happened and wouldn't want to put someone else through that, and yet I'd keep doing it."
"But then I got cheated on later in a different relationship and actually got to feel the hurt. It's not something I'd want to do someone again."
- Tugonmynugz
Just Another Part of the Relationship
"Everyone is different. Some people were raised around it and therefore, it was normalized from a young age."
"Some people are cheated on early and often. When you're young and immature, some people don't have the capacity to really think about how their actions can affect other people."
"For me, my first, like, four or five girlfriends all deceived me and cheated on me in some capacity. And a lot of it was my being too clingy and emotionally needy and I would guilt them when they tried to leave me (which stemmed from a toxic, abusive childhood where love was a transaction or manipulation of some kind). And then when they did finally leave me and I found out they were talking to/dating/f**king other dudes beforehand, I extrapolated it to all women and figured it's just what they are all going to do anyway."
"It's twisted myopia birthed out of insecurity and inexperience. Most 20-year-olds don't possess the humility to consider the possibility they have no clue what they are talking about because they feel things so deeply and passionately."
"Ultimately, my experience was that I was conditioned to believe cheating was just a part of life and if everyone is doing it then on some level, it was okay. People get older and wiser. If you don't believe people can grow up, of course, you're going to believe things like 'Once a cheater, always a cheater,' but I sincerely question the growth and progress of a person with such a static view of humanity."
- nevertoomuchthought
Revenge Cheating
"I walked in on her with a co-worker, so I revenge cheated with someone close to her. It created a triangle of emotional damage. But I learned how to process the bad stuff in a healthier way once the dust settled from the three of us destroying each other."
- heastianvirgin
"I was tempted to revenge cheat, but then I thought about it and realized that being a cheater was who he is, not who I am. I filed for divorce instead."
- Queen_Aurelia
The Coward's Way Out
"I was young and dumb, not really ready to commit, and too much of a coward to break it off."
- BananaBrute
"I’ve had a few cowards in my time."
"I just don’t understand it. It’s like ripping a Band-Aid off! Get it over and done with and not destroy your partner's trust in relationships. I bloody hate cowards."
- cyrilly
A Wrench in the Family Gears
"I want people to know… your kids WILL FIND OUT. Maybe not right away, but eventually, and they never look at you the same, speaking from experience. I was bartending, and my dad’s different friends and employees all would go on to get drunk and confirm things for me over the years."
- Koko-Bear
"I had a strained relationship with my father and I didn't like him very much as a person at times but I still respected him when I was younger. His problem was he always talked to me like I was his buddy instead of his son and overshared. A few times he would talk to me about one-night stands he'd had (despite me telling him I didn't want to know)."
"He was either too stupid to realize I would figure out it was when he was married to my mother or he didn't care. When he left my mother for another woman I was disappointed in him. When I found out he cheated on her several times I was disgusted with him and lost a lot of respect for him."
- MikoSkyns
The Pain of Discovery
"She found out. She cried a lot."
"I saw the amount of hurt I caused her. Honestly, I'm still not sure if I've changed. But I want to. That's a starting point for me."
- Empty_Regret6345
"For real: being able to understand how another person feels is the beginning of empathy. It’s something that cannot be taught but is so essential for a healthy life and society. You gotta keep leaning into it even when it hurts."
- mfkboston
"My wife finding out was the turning point for me, too. I thought she would be mad, yelling at me, and we would argue and she would eventually cool down. That is the culture I was raised with."
"Instead, she broke down, and she was just hysterically crying for the entire day, saying she wanted to die and that she can never trust anyone ever again."
"It genuinely shook me to my core, and all I wanted to do was comfort her but I couldn't because I was the person who made her that way. It made me feel a sense of guilt and shame that I shiver even thinking about today."
"She found out I was cheating on her at the club I was working at. Not with anyone, in particular, just random girls here or there. We got a divorce and got remarried three years later, and have been married for 20 years since."
- frogvscrab
While some of these stories are to be expected, some of them were genuinely surprising.
This just goes to show that you never really know what's going on in another person's relationship or what could be the reason for its failing.
The people you love can hurt you the most.
When a relationship is on the rocks due to an incompatibility awareness or an unfaithful lover, it can feel like all hope is lost.
But there are worse things to come when the inevitable breakup happens.
Ending a relationship is bad enough as it is, but the words said in the heat of the moment can be like twisting the knife after being stabbed in the heart.
Strangers online revisited their dating history to share their lowest point in a relationship after Redditor thedamned234 asked:
"What is the worst thing your EX said during the breakup?"
These Redditors were kicked while they were down.
There are Options
"I can have any guy in this room, why would I want to be with you."
– wyoflyboy68
"No, you can f'k every guy in this room. It's different."
– PinceTancredi
Dispensible
"After I financially supported her for three years, I paid the travel expenses for American Idol auditions and one America's Got Talent audition. After I nursed her through her recovery after gastric bypass surgery, she said this,"
"You are worthless and I don't have time for you anymore."
– Elle12881
Actions Hurt The Most
"Abusive relationship for 3 years. Finally had enough and broke up with her after taking her to dinner. She got hostile (again) and I literally f'king ran out the restaurant. The worst was her screaming my name while driving in circles around the casino parking lot, honking the horn. She was not sad. She was angry as f'k."
– chaoticneutraldood
Trust issues were at the heart of these problematic relationships.
Hurting Before Getting Hurt
"Justifying her cheating because she thought I was cheating on her."
"I wasn't."
– TopTurtleWorld
"My girlfriend has been accusing me of cheating the last few months. I’ve been depressed and kind of distant, but I still only want her. My greatest fear in life is this. I don’t know what that says about my relationship and self-esteem but here we are."
– VANY11A
Just Someone She Lived With
"My last ex left me for the person she was cheating on me with, after 3 years together. When she came to get the last of her stuff, she would only talk about how she was worried she'd screwed up things with her new partner, cause he didn't know she was with me at the time. She'd lied to him and just said I was someone she lived with."
"She wasn't even sorry about what she'd done to me, just that it was causing problems with the person she actually cared about. Been hard to feel good about myself since then."
– Cheesus333
These words sting the most.
Oof!
"I wish we never met."
– Skyx10
"I usually get something similar from enemies and my brother"
– thedamned234
Undesireable
"My 2nd two year relationship, 'I feel disgusted when I touch you' that ate at me for a while. Much healthier and happy spot now."
– khadmon
By The Way
"Well, it is better than 'I'm breaking up with you because Im getting married tomorrow, please leave or I'll file a restraining order.' After 5 years in a relationship."
– sam-sung
Father Figure
"You'll never be a great father (before I even had children)."
"No reason why she should have said that except I held off having children with her because she was a heavy smoker and lied about quitting. I am now a father of two in a happy marriage of 9+ years. My kids tell me they love me every night and I spend almost all my money on them making memories, not stuff."
– cubsfanrva79
Consolation Prize
"After 5 and a half years: 'I was just afraid I would end up alone, so I settled for you.' Immediately after the break up she had a new boyfriend."
– kokosnoot32
Roommates With Benefits
"6 years and she used the same line on me as she did with the guy before me."
"We were just roommates who f'ked for the last 6 months"
"I'd bought us our firat house 3 months before."
"Over a year later and I'm still broken mess."
– accused_throwaway22
There's no way to soften the blow when it's time to breakup with someone–the worst of which happens when it's a unilateral decision.
Although I give compassion points for those who are not hostile during breakups, it doesn't help when they say, "It's not you it's me."
Like, that makes things so much better.
What do you think is the gentlest and honest way to breakup with someone?
It's safe to say that the conventions of romantic relationships have greatly evolved over time.
As evidenced by the ever-growing number of people in open or polyamorous relationships.
Leaving one to wonder, what exactly constitutes "cheating" in this day and age.
Of course, this could be a personal decision, based on the ground rules people set in their own relationships.
Even so, one can't help but question if there are some instances that are always cheating, whether or not the relationship is monogamous.
"What do you consider cheating in a relationship?"
Anything HE Does...
"My ex felt that me having a conversation about anything at all with anyone else was cheating, but her literally getting sexed by other men was OK."- GoodToe4691
Spoilers!!!
"Watching an episode alone of a show we started together."- Happy-Sea-Otter
When You Commit, You COMMIT!
"Being sentimentally or physically involved with someone else that isn't your partner."- a_man_of_music
"Doing anything sexual or romantic with someone else."- jellyfishmasquerade
orlando bloom cheating GIFGiphyThink About How You Would Feel...
"My rule of thumb is if I wouldn't like it done to me I shouldn't be doing it myself."
"I know that's vague."
"But leaves you to draw the line where you want."- SureAce_
Anything That Isn't Out In The Open...
"Beyond the obvious (sex/kissing with another person), it can also be based on intent."
"For instance, dinner could be cheating if it was kept hidden or with an ex, etc."
"Depends a lot on context."- dogwatermoneybags
"Anything you do with another person you feel like you have to hide from me, I consider cheating."- nopestillgotit
Shocked Oh No GIF by LaffGiphySubtle Manipulation
"Not paying enough of the rent in Monopoly and using smile and cuddle to get away with it."- Dendex031
You Set Your Own Rules So You Will Never Break Them...
"Pretty much breaking any agreed upon 'rules' in your relationship."- Massive-Ad7628
"Whatever an individual couple agrees on as being cheating within the context of their relationship."-JanuaryWinterflame
"Breaking the rules of loyalty, trust, and honesty in your relationship."
"If you're monogamous, that means engaging in sexual and/or romantic activity with anyone other than your partner."
"If you're non-monogamous, that means doing engaging in sexual and/or romantic activities with people other than your partners without telling both the new person and the partners that's what you're doing."
'Basically if you're sneaking around and lying to people just to get extra attention outside of your relationships, you're 99% likely to be cheating."- GenericNerdGirl
GiphyWhen You Know You're Getting In Too Deep...
"Back when I was still college aged, I learned this lesson the hard way."
"I could be a bit of a harmless flirt, but I would never cheat on my girlfriend."
"Then one night I got drunk with a friend of my girlfriend’s."
"After a night of ‘harmless flirting’ and drunk Twister, I ended up in her bed, on top of her."
"She whispered in my ear 'If you tried to f*ck me right now, I wouldn’t stop you'.”
"That snapped me back to reality, made me realize how real things had gotten and that I had gone too far."
"I apologized and I left."
"I told my girlfriend about it, because I knew that if I tried to hide it and her friend told her about it, it would be even worse."
"I never kissed her."
"I didn’t f*ck her."
"No one was naked."
"However, the fact that I had essentially been 5 seconds away from doing all of those things while in her bed massively betrayed the trust my girlfriend had for me."
"She wasn’t able to look at me the same way."
"I was genuinely remorseful, and learned my lesson, but it didn’t really matter."
"We tried to keep it together for a few more months, but she eventually left me over it, and I can’t say that I blame her."
"I was flung into a long spiral of depression, and it was worse knowing that it was all my fault."
"Cheating isn’t just about a physical, sexual act."
"You can cheat on someone without f*cking someone else."
"It’s about a betrayal of trust."
"And to go a step further, it’s your responsibility in a relationship to foster that trust by intentionally avoiding situations that could bring temptation or otherwise sketch out your partner."
"For example, don’t hang out with other girls one on one and get drunk with them, even if you know you don’t intend to do anything sexual with them."- Thograr
When The Connection Starts To Be Emotional
"I used to think it was only physical stuff, but seeing your partner drift away from you into the arms of someone else reeeally stings."
"So, basically entertaining the idea and keeping in contact with someone they might have a small/temporary crush on is a dealbreaker for me nowadays."- soapshirt
season 6 episode 3 GIFGiphyBy definition, cheating is when you are doing something blatantly wrong, or deceitful.
Which sometimes could mean kissing someone who isn't your partner.
Unless they are aware and ok with it.
One thing I'm sure everyone can agree with: nothing is more unforgivable than forging ahead on a series without waiting for your significant other.
...definitely not speaking from experience...
The Best Ways To Tell If Someone's In An Open Relationship Or Actually Cheating On Their Partner
Views of commitment and monogamy in romantic relationships continue to evolve.
More and more couples have decided to open their relationships, seeing other people while still remaining committed to one another.
Dating someone who's in an open relationship can take some getting used to, however, as the feeling of knowing your new romantic interest is going home to their spouse or partner following your date is strange, to say the least.
Then too, can you ever be certain that they are in fact in an "open relationship," and not just cheating on their partner?
"How do you know when someone is really in an open relationship, and not a cheater pretending to be in one?"
When In Doubt, Don't...
"If you're feeling off about it, don't do it."- Massive-Ad7628
Bad Feeling I Anticipate Problems GIF by America's Got TalentGiphyConfirmation Needed From Both
"When the partner openly knows and acknowledges it."- EngineeringVirgin
"I was seeing a man who was married."
"He assured me that their relationship was open, that he had full permission to do whatever, and that if it would make me comfortable he would give me his wife’s number and she and I could chat."
"We saw each other for about four years."
"I went to pick him up at his house a couple times and his wife would say 'have a nice date!'."
"That’s the way to do it."
"Everything on the table."
"If there’s some sneakiness, something that makes you feel it’s not quite right, you need to listen to that feeling."- theyarnllama
"Ask to meet their partner."
"If they’re really open, it shouldn’t be a problem."- bloomautomatic
Threes Company Reaction GIF by moodmanGiphyAn Oldie But A Goodie...
"Ask them to pinky swear."- Still_kinda_hungry
Give Your Intentions A Second Thought As Well
"Agh."
"Ok so I’m in an open relationship with my partner and he hooked up with this girl, and we called her to go get a drink with us and she was like 'I knew he had a girlfriend, but I didn’t know you knew'.”
"After that I def didn’t want to hang out with her because she thought she was facilitating him cheating on me."
"Not cool."
"Intentions matter."- Physical_Witness_922
Ask And Answer
"In my experience, ask literally anything about what type of poly or open they are."
"Also anyone who isn't willing to get/show a recent std test isn't worth the risk."- Midori8751
just ask leslie jones GIF by Saturday Night LiveGiphyInstructional Videos
"My SO and I just make videos explaining the situation and ground rules."
"That way, our potential partner know what they are dealing with."- TagtheCat
Doesn't Hurt To Check...
"I slept with a woman who was in an open marriage."
"Her husband called to check on her and ask if she was ok."
"She said she was fine and that was the extent of the call. I think that’s a pretty good indicator."- Fit-Concern-81
It's All About The Reaction
"When they introduce you to their SO as their lover and the SO is fine with it."
"Open relationships rarely sneak around on each other."- welltriedsoul·
“'So like…. You know your husbands screwing Ashley right….??'”
“'Yeah I know'.”- AkKik-Maujaq
It Must Be A Mutual Decision
"In my experience, one of my ex's said we were in an open relationship, however I didn't know that."
"So yeah, that's a cheater."
"I briefly dated someone that was in an open relationship (the couple were long distance)."
"I spoke on the phone with the girlfriend before any sex happened so we could all be on the same page regarding boundaries and intentions, what protection will be used, testing, etc."
"It really wasn't awkward, and I appreciated knowing that everyone was aligned."- korova_chew
Cartoons Button GIF by NickelodeonGiphyIf They Say No, That's A Problem
"Ask them if you can talk to their partner."- vivi2626
Don't Ask, Don't Tell... Don't Date!
"I've been poly for closing in on 2 decades."
"I used to run a large poly meetup in a huge metro area."
"I've seen it all, personally talked to several thousand+ poly folks over the years, etc."
"I REFUSE to engage with anyone in a DADT policy at all at this point."
"HARD F*CKING PASS, the vast majority of the time its cheating."
"And when its not I swear 95% of the time is because the couple with the DADT policy hasn't done any work around opening up their relationship and there are a LOT of problems involved."
"And I want nothing to do with that huge nightmare of a cluster f*ck anymore."
"Here's my perspective and where it comes from."
"The amount of cheating I've seen is beyond staggering."
"A huge percentage of the women I know have run into TONS of men that are cheating and try to use poly, dadt, etc as a guise to do it."
"I have zero reason to put that much trust in someone I just met. It's the same reason I ask for proof of STI testing."
"I can't understand people with the attitude of 'if you can't trust them why are you with them' the whole point is you don't know them that well why would you trust them?"
"This is one step in establishing some trust."
"The ethical part of ENM is a big big deal to me, and I refuse to be complicit in cheating and be put in an unethical situation."
"If cheating was rare it would be a different situation, but f**k it's common."
"I've verified 100% of my partners are in ethical situations, and none of them had a problem with it."
"I've had a number of their partners thank me for actually checking."
"I'll accept a few options for verification, a phone call, voice chat, a brief text exchange while my date is present, a prerecorded voice / video message, or showing me snippets of a conversation where being poly is discussed / confirmed and there is a long-standing chat history with said person."
"Most of the time I had already met or seen their partner, so I already knew it was ethical."- f*cklifehard
Schitts Creek No GIF by CBCGiphyMany couples have said that their communication and commitment has greatly improved after opening their relationships.
When one half of a couple seeing other people causes pain and unhappiness, however, it seems clear that that relationship is not open in a healthy way.
Particularly if only one person is truly benefitting from it.