There's nothing better than good advice, because it can make a real, tangible difference and inspire you to make a change. Take my mother, for example, who told me that I should wipe my butt after I poo. At age 2, I listened, and it's had a radical impact on my life ever since.
But then there's the time that you get some advice that leaves you wondering how this person has survived this far at all.
Thanks to all the Tweeters out there who contributed their hilarious answers to the Jimmy Fallon hashtag #Badadvice. If you weren't featured on the show you at least got published in here (which means you're pretty much internet famous right?!)
1/30.
It's reusable, Just turn the condom inside out. #badvice
Rexster (@GatrosBlake) September 28, 2016
2/30.
@jimmyfallon if a cop ever suspects you of smoking just reply with "you smelt it you dealt it." #badvice
— Andrew Bergeron (@ABoogie37) September 29, 2016
3/30.
Bought a car that smelled like cigarettes and was told vinegar would fix it. Now my car just smells like pickled cigarettes. #badvice
Kelly Marie Stalter (@kellygator) September 28, 2016
4/30.
My brother said Preparation-H can be used as a toothpaste alternative. My lips shrivelled up & I couldn't stop whistling for a week.#Badvice
— Gerald K Randles (@WordJurk) September 28, 2016
5/30.
I was told to go to the school nurse for my bloody nose, she told me to blow my nose as hard as I could... #Badvice
— DJ crafter (@DJ_crafter06) September 29, 2016
6/30.
My Dad told me not to worry about packing more underwear, just turn the pair I'm wearing inside out once it was too dirty #Badvice
— Alex McMullen (@AlexMcAwesum) September 28, 2016
More hilarious tweets on the next page!
7/30.
I was told once to use hairspray so my make-up would stay. Turns out, it just makes your face sticky...and a little crunchy! #Badvice
— Kayla McEldowney (@pineapple814) September 28, 2016
8/30.
Just drill a hole into the bottom of your iPhone 7 for a headphone jack #Badvice
— Derek Mathison (@derek_mathison9) September 29, 2016
9/30.
I used horse shampoo because I was told it would make my hair shinier but it turns out it's just for horses. #Badvice
— jimmy fallon (@jimmyfallon) September 28, 2016
10/30.
When I was little it was raining and my dad told me "if you run really fast you can dodge all the rain drops" I believed him. #Badvice
— Alexandra (@AlexTyburski) September 28, 2016
11/30.
A friend used to tell me that when I get stuck on a math problem to multiple it by 0 so it became nothing because math wasn't real #Badvice
— Christi Trottie (@ChristiTrottie) September 28, 2016
12/30.
"Let's build a wall to keep out potential immigrants." #Badvice
— Christine Cameron (@XtineCameron) September 28, 2016
Continue reading hilariously bad advice on the next page!
13/30.
My dad told me blue eyed bumble bees don't sting so I went around grabbing bumble bees to see their eye color. #badvice
— Matalyn (@Haz_Mattie) September 28, 2016
14/30.
My sister told me, "If you drink hot chocolate thru a straw, it won't be as hot." I did. I couldn't taste food for a week. #badvice
— Samantha Walton (@SamanthaW42) September 28, 2016
15/30.
When I was in boy scouts we went camping and my scout leader said to just use the leaves to wipe.
— ChrisDrewDavis (@ChrisDrewDavis) September 29, 2016
It was poison ivy. #Badvice
16/30.
My mom told me if I slept with my face on my Barbie pillow I would look like Barbie when I woke up...almost suffocated #Badvice
Katie D. (@ducki1517) September 28, 2016
17/30.
Mom is foreign & wanted me to get an American name and told me, "You should change your name to Trashy!" She was going for Trisha. #Badvice
Yewon (@ykimyk) September 28, 2016
18/30.
My mom used to tell me that I needed to put deodorant on not only my armpits, but my KNEE-pits as well. Thanks mom. #Badvice
Olivia White (@owhite33) September 28, 2016
Continue reading hilarious bad advice on the next page.
19/30.
As a friend of mine and me were in an Asian restaurant he told me that Wasabi is like butter. I could taste feelings afterwards. #Badvice
— SirTeaAge (@SirTeaAge) September 29, 2016
20/30.
On my birthday my dad told me it's rude to open my gift in front of other people. I opened it in my room & it was an empty box. #Badvice
— Ed Hill (@kingedhill) September 29, 2016
21/30.
as a kid, after I got dizzy from spinning around, my big brother told me "just spin the other direction to cancel it out" #badvice#hurl
— Jon Stamm (@jonstamm) September 29, 2016
22/30.
I put bacon on a pimple because my granny said it would go away. It grew. #Badvice
Alexia (@lexia2424) September 28, 2016
23/30.
I had a disposable camera once. When I got to the end I asked my friend what to do next. He said "it's disposable, throw it away" #Badvice
Coby Copeland (@CoboKH) September 28, 2016
24/30.
@FallonTonight When too embarrased to go potty behind the bushes. Mom said, "close your eyes and you won't know who saw you." #Badvice
Julio Pineda (@jrpinedasanchez) September 29, 2016
Continue reading hilarious bad advice on the next page!
25/30.
I was told if I smelled the swimming lines at the bottom of the pool that they'd smell like cherry. Turns out it really hurts. #Badvice
— A.J. Barrera (@adryanbarrera5) September 28, 2016
26/30.
@jimmyfallon dad: "1st day of school, go into lunch and just punch the biggest kid. nobody'll mess with you then." i'm a teacher. #badvice
— christy ford (@missford306) September 28, 2016
27/30.
I told my little brother you were supposed to eat the peel instead of the actual banana. He did it for 2 weeks straight... #Badvice
— Tiya Ivy (@tiya_ivy) September 28, 2016
28/30.
Gave a stranger super specific instructions on how to get somewhere then after she left realised I was thinking of the wrong place #badvice
— Enfys Jenkins (@enfys852) September 28, 2016
29/30.
My first time eating sushi my good friend told me to take "that green stuff" and spread it all over it because it'd taste better. #Badvice
— Lucas (@LjdubAAL) September 28, 2016
30/30.
My Dad told me the broken escalator was voice activated. I spent 10 minutes yelling GO UP before he told me it was broken... #Badvice
— Tim Drake (@timdrake) September 28, 2016
External image source: Master1305 for Shutterstock
"What’s the wildest thing you’ve ever heard teacher say in class?"
And Anyone With Such Closed Minded Views Shouldn't Be Teaching...
"Had the Head of the Department in college claim in class that anyone who actually needs accommodations for mental health issues should not be in college to begin with."
"This was while we were discussing 'Death of a Salesman' and the discussion had veered over to unhealthy pressure and social standards for success."- RavensQueen502
Wait what?!
"My very well-respected Biology teacher in college spent almost an entire lecture telling us that Jamie Lee Curtis was a hermaphrodite."
"It seemed oddly personal to him."- Urbane_Cowboy
Sad On So Many Levels
"Not heard but my freshmen year high school teacher once pulled a bottle of Jack out of his desk and took a shot during class."
"He was dying so towards the end I think he just stopped caring."- Mangothefello
Can't Take The Heat, Then Stay Out Of The Classroom...
"High school science teacher told my class that a kilometre was longer than a mile."
"Refused to budge when refuted and kicked out several students for doing so."- SupersonicDebris13
"5th grade teacher: 'Mount Whitney in California is the tallest mountain in the world'."
"5th grade me blurts out: 'No it isn't, Mount Everest is."
"Whitney is not even the tallest mountain in the USA, which is Mount McKinley in Alaska'."
"I got in trouble for 'contradicting the teacher'."- gtmattz
get out GIFGiphyIt's Not Just Students Who Are Bullies...
"I had a teacher ridicule a fat kid about his lunch choices in front of the whole class."
"He ran out crying as she was making fat guy blimp gestures and telling him he was going to be huge as an adult."- SnooOwls5859
Some Dramatic License It Seems...
"I had a literature teacher who told the class that he didn't believe in dinosaurs, because the universe is only a couple thousand years old."
"The bones were put there by Satan."
"Thank f*ck he wasn't a science or history teacher."- AllBadAnswers
of montreal dancing GIF by Polyvinyl RecordsGiphyEveryone Deserves Nice Acomodations...
"My English teacher told us that he genuinely believes that the Rothchilds own a hotel for aliens in the Bermuda triangle."- TroyLear77
Well, Then...
"We had this kid in our 6th-grade class."
"Very dark skinned kid from Africa."
"His name was Tajak."
"Every now and then when we'd line up to go to another class or lunch and the lights would go out some of his friends would go 'where Tajak at?'"
"Anyway one day we had a sub and we we're lining up for lunch, the lights went out and there went the 'where Tajak at?' and the SUBSTITUTE TEACHER who was also black went 'Boy you darker than night'."
"6th grade was f*cking wild."- 11221mikew
Sad Premonitions
"Psych teacher in high school told us that 1 in 10 of the people were friends with in high school would be dead within 5 years of graduating."
"At the time I thought it was hyperbole, but it turns out he was being conservative."
"3 of the people in my high school friend group were dead by the time I was 22."- Reddit
Do They Really Need A Reason?
"'Now girls, don't you let them boys touch your breasts'."
"'It'll give you cancer'."- jondru
Maybe Should Have Checked With The Geography Teacher?
"A teacher in Elementary school claimed during history class that the Colosseum was in Greece, as an Italian kid I was very confused, this was in Mexico."- Spascucci
So Much For Instilling Hope...
"Didn't hear this personally, but read in a book about a guy who recalled his teacher skipping chapters in a textbook and saying 'You will not need to know this when you are down in the mines'."- futanari_kaisa
The mark of a good teacher is that students will take everything they hear from them with them for the rest of their lives.
Though, the less-than-wonderful teachers may also say things their students will never forget.
Redditor RedditPenguin02 wanted to make a list of the best inquiries to make when starting a relationship, so they asked:
"What is a good question to ask before you start dating someone?"
From what I've learned in my past, always ask... "Are you into Buffy the Vampire Slayer? The TV show."
If it's a no, then it's a dealbreaker.
I Do
Shocked Schitts Creek GIF by CBCGiphy"Are you married?"
wrenchmonkey135
"I would ask that. If they said no, the next question was 'Would your wife agree?'"
"If they laughed, they were telling the truth. If they got indignant and pissed off that I thought they were lying…they were married."
"Worked every time."
Squibit314
We Lived!
"Do you clap when the plane lands?"
dont_u_know
"I swear people used to do this all the time when I was a kid (early 2000’s), and I don’t think I’ve heard anyone do it in 5+ years. I guess 9/11 really made people afraid of flying for about 10 years and then most folks decided they didn’t need to applaud when the plane landed safely?"
jmims98
Family Planning
"Do you want kids in the future? If one person wants kids and the other wants to stay child-free, then they are not compatible. And it is better to try dating someone else."
GoodAlicia
"It confuses me whenever some couples who disagree on this end up in a conundrum because one expected the other to change their mind. This is something I bring up early cause I see no future with someone who wants kids when I do not."
GoodAlicia
"You should always put childfree on your dating profile. It's not a small thing. Either you agree on it or not. If I had to date, I would put childfree on my profile too."
GoodAlicia
Carb it on...
"Do you like bread? That is the extent of my flirting skills."
HumpieDouglas
"Being German, bread is like a frickin' cultural phenomenon here, we have around 300 kinds of bread, there's a bread museum, every time I go on vacation I'm like yeah it's nice here but the bread ain't it yall, never as good as home lol. So yeah, valid question and the only answer to this is an enthusiastic yes."
Nayeliq1
Room Temperature
Frosty The Snowman Winter GIF by filmeditorGiphy"What temperature do you set the thermostat to throughout the year?"
OneFingerIn
"Haha this one always gets me as someone who needs low temps - you can always put on more clothes, I can't peel my skin off to get cooler."
djdante
The thermostat is a dealbreaker for me.
It's gonna be 60. Love it or move on.
Discovery
Blown Away Wow GIF by AminéGiphy"When was the last time you changed your mind about something?
"Opens a window to how they think."
youcantkillanidea
"If that was really early on in the dating I’d think it was a bit of a head-f**k question. I’d probably find that question a red flag, tone dependent, although I agree with the sentiment."
LivestockMarc
Personal Time
"Aside from major differences about finances, kids, politics, or religion, a big one is; What are your hobbies? If they don’t really have any, you may be the next hobby, which isn’t going to work unless you’ve got that kind of time. If the hobbies are time-consuming ones generally done with a SO."
"But you have no interest in them, that could be an issue as well. If only one of you likes camping, wanted to spend vacation lounging instead of exploring, didn’t like sports, etc either that partner is annoyed or the other feels like they don’t get to enjoy what they love."
Githard
Past Issues
"Ask them about their exes. If they think every single one of them is an a**hole... they are likely the real a**hole."
CantTakeMeSeriously
"I have mixed feelings about that - I've been in three previous relationships and all three were emotionally abusive towards me (one wasn't nearly as bad as the other two, though) in various ways. I know this is a common sentiment and it always makes me afraid that people won't believe me or something.
"I mean, I realize in your comment you said 'likely' and not '100% sure' and there's plenty of room for nuance."
phiore
Values
"I would try to take care of any dealbreakers. If I find out that she has different political values than I do, it's not going to work out in the long run, so I wouldn't bother. Same thing with other factors (religion, financial values, etc.). I would also ask how much cuddling she likes to engage in, as I prefer a lot."
SkullKrusher9000
Essentials
Tell Me More To Do List GIF by Disney ChannelGiphy"When I was dating my three essential questions were always kids, sex, and money. If you're not on the same wavelength for any of those three things, just don't even try."
KhaosElement
TRUTH PLEASE!!
"So, how much personal debt do you have?"
"Source: the guy who dated a woman with huge debts and was asked to pay for everything and then some".
"After that, I'd go with, 'Have you ever been diagnosed with borderline, narcissistic, or histrionic personality disorders?"
extracensorypower
The questions are basic.
Just ask for the truth.
Do you have any good Qs to add to the queue? Let us know in the comments below.
