JOIN
OUR EMAIL LIST!

Dear Abby is an advice column that began in 1956 by Pauline Phillips, under the pen name "Abigail Van Buren." Her quick wit and sharp tongue have kept audiences entertained for years. Read some of her best zingers below to see why.




1/16. Dear Abby: What's the difference between a wife and a mistress? Bess

Dear Bess: Night and Day.



2/16.

Dear Abby: I am 44 years old and would like to meet a man my age with no bad habits.Rose

Dear Rose: So would I.


3/16.

Dear Abby: Is it possible for a man to be in love with two women at the same time? Jake

Dear Jake: Yes, and also hazardous.


4/16.

Dear Abby: I've been going with this girl for a year. How can I get her to say yes? Don

Dear Don: What's the question?

5/16.

Dear Abby: Im 19 years old and not very experienced, but my mother told me to be careful of men with mustaches. Is there any truth in this? Anita

Dear Anita: Yes and also be careful of men without them.


6/16.

Dear Abby: I dont want to appear conceited but Im forced to admit that I am one guy who has everything. Women are always flocking around me and telling me how good-looking I am and what a marvelous personality I have. Im beginning to find this pretty annoying and extremely tiring. I just want to live a normal quiet life. How can I dissuade these hopeful females? C.W.

Dear C.W: Keep talking.


Continue to the next page for more Dear Abby zingers.

7/16.

Dear Abby: Do you think a mother should take her 14-year-old son to get a tattoo or do you think he is old enough to go alone? Please answer before Saturday. This is important. Must Know

Dear Must: If the boy is old enough to get a tattoo he is old enough to go alone. In this case he is neither.


8/16.

Dear Abby: I've been going steady with this man for six years. We see each other every night. He says he loves me, and I know I love him, but he never mentions marriage. Do you think he's going out with me just for what he can get? Gertie

Dear Gertie: I don't know. What's he getting?


9/16.

Dear Abby: When I was going with Irwin he gave me a parakeet, which I taught to say Irwin. Well, Irwin and I broke up and now I am going with a fellow named Ronnie. When Ronnie comes over, the parakeet keeps on saying, Irwin, Irwin, and of course, Ronnie doesnt like it. What should I do? Beth

Dear Beth: Either teach the parakeet to say Ronnie, or give Irwin the bird.


10/16.

Dear Abby: My husband has always been very close to his mother and she has never cared much for me. I asked my husband if I was drowning and his mother was drowning which one would he save? He said My mother because I owe her more. I am so terribly hurt, Abby. What shall I do? Arlene

Dear Arlene: Learn to swim.

11/16.

Dear Abby: My problem is my husband. He wears false teeth uppers and lowers and he thinks its real funny to take them out at parties and do a Spanish dance using them as castanets. He thinks he is being the life of the party but Im embarrassed to death. Should I keep him away from parties, or should I just tell him that he isnt funny?Marsha

Dear Marsha: Let him have a good time I think its hysterical.



12/16.

Dear Abby: My boyfriend took me out for my twenty-first birthday and wanted to show me a very special good time. I usually dont go in much for drinking, but since it was an occasion to celebrate, I had three Martinis. During the dinner we split a bottle of champagne. After dinner we each had two brandies. Did I do wrong? Blondie

Dear Blondie: Probably.



Love that sass! Continue to the last page for more Dear Abby gold.

13/16.

Dear Abby: My boyfriend is going to be 20 years old next month. I'd like to give him something nice for his birthday. What do you think he'd like? Carol

Dear Carol: Nevermind what he'd like, give him a tie.



14/16.

Dear Abby: Our son married a girl when he was in the service. They were married in February and she had an 8 1/2-pound baby girl in August. She said the baby was premature. Can an 8 1/2-pound baby be this premature? Wanting to Know

Dear Wanting: The baby was on time. The wedding was late. Forget it.


15/16.

Dear Abby: About four months ago, the house across the street was sold to a "father and son" or so we thought. We later learned it was an older man about 50 and a young fellow about 24. This was a respectable neighborhood before this "odd couple" moved in. They have all sorts of strange-looking company. Men who look like women, women who look like men, blacks, whites, Indians. Yesterday I even saw two nuns go in there!... Abby, these weirdos are wrecking our property values! How can we improve the quality of this once-respectable neighborhood? Up In Arms

Dear UP: You could move.


16.

Dear Abby: I joined the Navy to see the world. I've seen it. Now, how do I get out?

Dear Navy: Simple. Go to your superior officer and say these 2 words: I'm Gay.


Psst... don't forget to share the laughs!

Image by Clker-Free-Vector-Images from Pixabay

Have you ever been reading a book, watching a movie, or even sitting down for a fantastical cartoon and began to salivate when the characters dig into some doozy of a made up food?

You're not alone.

Food is apparently fertile ground for creativity. Authors, movie directors, and animators all can't help but put a little extra time and effort into the process of making characters' tasty delights mouthwatering even for audiences on the other side of the screen.

Read on for a perfect mixture of nostalgia and hunger.

AllWhammyNoMorals asked, "What's a fictional food you've always wanted to try?"

Some people were all about the magical foods eaten in the magical places. They couldn't help but wish they could bite into something with fantastical properties and unearthly deliciousness.

Nutritious

"Enchanted golden apple" -- DabbingIsSo2015

"The Minecraft eating sounds make me hungry" -- FishingHobo

"Gotta love that health regeneration" -- r2celjazz

"Pretty sure those are based off the golden apples that grant immortality. Norse mythology I think?" -- Raven_of_Blades

Take Your Pick

"Nearly any food from Charlie and the Chocolate factory" -- CrimsonFox100

"Came here to say snozzberries!" -- Utah_Writer

"Everlasting Gobstoppers #1, but also when they're free to roam near the chocolate river and the entire environment is edible." -- devo9er

Peak Efficiency

"Lembas" -- Roxwords

"The one that fills you with just a bite? My fat a** would be making sandwiches with two lembas breads and putting bacon, avocado and cheese inside. Then probably go for some dessert afterwards. No wonder why those elves are all skinny, eating just one measly bite of this stuff." -- sushister

Some people got stuck on the foods they saw in the cartoons they watched growing up. The vibrant colors, the artistic sounds, and the exaggerated movements all come together to form some good-looking fake grub.

The One and Only

"Krabby patty 🍔" -- Cat_xox

"And a kelp shake" -- titsclitsntennerbits

"As a kid I always pretended burgers from McDonalds were Krabby Patties, heck from time to time I still do for the nostalgia of it all. Many of my friends did the same thing." -- Thisissuchadragtodo

Cheeeeeeeeese

"The pizza from an extremely goofy movie. The stringy cheese just looked magical lol" -- ES_Verified

"The pizza in the old TMNT cartoon as well." -- gate_of_steiner85

"Only bested by the pizza from All Dogs Go to Heaven." -- Purdaddy

Get a Big Old Chunk

"Those giant turkey drumsticks in old cartoons that characters would tear huge chunks out of. Those things looked amazing, turkey drumsticks in real life suck and are annoying to eat."

-- Ozwaldo

Slurp, Slurp, Slurp

"Every bowl of ramen on any anime, ever." -- Cat_xox

"Studio Ghibli eggs and bacon" -- DrManhattan_DDM

"Honestly, any food in anime. I swear to god half the budget no matter what the studio goes into making the food look absolutely delicious." -- Viridun

Finally, some highlighted the things that aren't quite so far-fetched, but still far enough away that it's nothing we'll be eating anytime soon.

That tease can be enough to make your mouth water.

What's In It??

"Butter beer" -- Damn_Dog_Inappropes

"came here to say this. i was pretty disappointed with the universal studio version which was over the top sweet. it was more of a butterscotch root beer. i imagine butter beer to be something more like butter and beer, which wouldn't be crazy sweet, but would have a very deep rich flavor" -- crazyskiingsloth

Slice of the Future

"The microwave pizzas in back to the future two" -- biggiemick91

"I've been fascinated with those for years! They just look so good!" -- skoros

As Sweet As They Had

"The Turkish Delight from Lion Witch & Wardrobe. The real ones I had weren't bad but nothing special." -- spoon_shaped_spoon

"Came here to say this. I know it's a real thing, but I always imagined that it must have been amazing to betray your siblings over." -- la_yes

"You're used to freely available too sweet sweets. For a WW2 era schoolkid, it would have represented all the sweets for an entire year." -- ResponsibleLimeade



Here's hoping you made it through the list without going into kitchen for some snack you didn't actually need.

Want to "know" more? Never miss another big, odd, funny, or heartbreaking moment again. Sign up for the Knowable newsletter here.

Image by Sammy-Williams from Pixabay

When a movie rakes in a ton of cash at the box office, the studio that made it has only one thing on its mind: "How do we keep shaking this money tree?"

Unfortunately, that means they make sequels, sometimes sequels on sequels on sequels.

Keep reading... Show less

Oftentimes I like to do my best Ghostface impression and aggressively ask people what their favorite scary movies are. Because I personally have a lot! At the same time, I'm also terrified that at any point, I could end up getting my head punched off by Jason Vorhees (Part 8 of the series--best one IMO).

Keep reading... Show less
Image by Sammy-Williams from Pixabay

I hate hypocrites. They are the bane of my existence. All you have to do is stand behind your words. How hard is that? You said them. I especially get peeved when people bloviate on a topic and condemn and holler but then when it comes to them doing it... silence.

Redditor u/ErrForceOnes wanted to know about the moments people chose to curiously "pay no mind" by asking... What is a GIANT hypocrisy that no one seems to mind?
Keep reading... Show less