Sure, they're cute and seemingly innocent, but there's more than meets the eye with these furry little jerks.
1. Dolphins
They have to keep the dolphins separate at Disney World because they had started catching the sting rays in their beaks, bringing them to the surface, and skipping them like rocks.
2. Emperor Penguins
Those adorable little Emperor Penguins you love? Think again.
The emperor penguin has mastered the dark arts of both child kidnapping and child abandonment. It all starts when an emperor mama returns from finding food, only to find no fuzzy chicks waiting for her. Whether it drowned in the freezing cold water or some jerkwad seal mistook it for a Twinkie, the penguin's child is no longer there. Since making babies is basically all the animal kingdom has going for it until it discovers PlayStation and yoga, the poor ex-parent's hormones kick into overdrive, and she starts seeing red.
Unfortunately, her solution is pure horror. Instead of calling up hubby, turning up the Adele, and working hard to create a new bundle of joy, she simply wanders the snowbanks looking for another emperor penguin's chick. Then, she straight-up steals it, leads it back to her own nest, and raises it as her own ... for about five minutes.
The typical emperor penguin kidnapper will lose interest in her bouncing baby hostage within days, even hours. Most likely, a teeny seedling in that pea brain of hers realizes she didn't hatch that thing, but instead of accepting the responsibility of parenthood that she herself sought out, she quickly disavows the squawking kidlet that she never should have avowed in the first place.
But does she return the child to its nest? Nope! That's too much work. She simply abandons it to die.
3. Cuckoos
Those jerks wait till a mother bird from a different species has left the nest to get food. The Cuckoo will then sneak in a lay an egg in the other birds nest then disappear like John Wayne riding into the sun set.
A few weeks later the Cuckoo egg will hatch, usually before the other birds brood. The cuckoo chick, hours old, will then use a specifically designed hollow in its back to push the other eggs out of the nest, killing them off one by one. The bird then raises the Cuckoo as it's own, never realizing the deception.
When it's old enough the Cuckoo will fledge and leave the nest. It never visits, writes or even remembers the birthday of its adoptive mother
Another thing that makes them dicks, the mother cuckoo doesn't care how big the forced adoptive mother is. The Cuckoo chick is quite often double the size of it's fully grown adoptive parent!
4. Margays
Sometimes known as tree ocelots, Margays are nocturnal cats from southern Mexico down to South America.
Their method is particularly horrible because of how it exploits the good nature of the prey. Margays hunt by mimicking the sound of a baby monkey in distress. Seriously. Although scientists have described the imitation as not being very good, it seems to be fairly effective.
The margay hides and makes a screeching sound that sounds like a baby tamarin that has been injured. An adult tamarin, desperately seeking to rescue the youngster, is then eaten by the margay. No good deed goes unpunished, especially out in the wild.
5. Cats
They are the ultimate dicks. They manipulate you and treat you like crap, yet you somehow cannot get enough of them.
6. Turkeys
They see their reflection in cars and peck the heck out of them.
When I was in grad school and did work at the poultry science unit they always joked about the time that a student went into the lab and (Continued)
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put a disco ball in with the research turkeys (part of the required environmental enrichment). Apparently they all died because they wouldn't do anything except stare at it.
7. The story of the Praying Mantis & Black Widow
I once kept a praying mantis and a black widow as pets in separate containers as a child. One day the gods (parents) decreed that only one shall live to see the sun set (they got tired of all the bugs in jars on the mantle.) So as emperor over my enslaved insects I decided the noblest method of deciding the survivor should be a gladiator type death match between the two. Boy was it awesome, I remember it well even years later.
I moved the mantis into the spider's enclosure (home field advantage?) and naturally she began to explore this new territory. It wasn't long before she came upon her venomous foe, who was simple minded and unaware of the danger, sort of like an idiot with a hand gun. Understanding what her ruler was demanding of her, the loyal mantis began plotting her attack. If you've never seen a mantis hunt its prey, they remain relatively still and fixated on their target swaying slowly in an uncanny imitation of a leaf in the breeze, slowly moving closer and closer. I'd seen her do it many times before with flies and grasshoppers and this possible final battle was no less fascinating to watch. Part of me wondered if she knew the risk of what she was about to do, one small mistake and the mantis would be no more.
Then it happened, in a fraction of a second all hell broke loose and the fires of war were released from their cage.
The mantis lunged with speed but not precision, punching her target but failing to secure grip. Though black widows don't have facial expressions it was clear she was hella confused as to what the hell just slapped her rear. This was no gentle love tap however and the spider's confusion quickly turned to panic and fear as mantis landed her second attack. The initial struggle was brief and paused when the mantis was somehow able to suspend the widow in the air in front of it, holding four legs in each claw with the spider's belly facing the beast (holy damn this mantis trained with batman or something). The spider, despite its fierce reputation and dangerous venom was no match for the sheer strength of the mantis.
What happened next was the single most horrifying but amazing thing I ever witnessed as a child. The mantis, one by one, pulled the legs directly out of the thorax of the spider all while still holding it in the air until it was nothing but a black sphere with a little head on top, so metal. It consumed each leg individually like a wood chipper being fed sticks all while being careful to keep a safe distance from the fangs. I could almost hear the screams of the widow, which was remarkably still alive at this point. This was some Monty Python black knight type stuff. That was until its head was bitten clean off and dropped to the floor of the enclosure. Mantis then proceeded to consume the abdomen and be on her merry way like nothing had ever happened. Emperor was pleased, I named her Munchy and granted her permission to roam freely in my house which surprisingly was ok with the gods. Sometimes a week would go by without any sightings and then I'd wake up one morning to Munchy walking on my ceiling, looking for a worthy opponent to satisfy her thirst for blood.
8. Seagulls
You inland dwellers don't know rage until you've wrestled an ice cream eating seagull.
9. Geese
They have enough power in their wings to snap human bone.
I made the mistake of picking up a goose once. Here's what happened... (Continued)
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I was 8 and it was the worst beating I have ever had in my life. Those wings slapped the sides of my head at the same time, multiple times. I was left a bloody mess, and the goose went wild with pecking and honking at my limp body until my uncle saved my life.
10. Flies
They've got the whole world, the whole damn world to fly in why you gotta fly in my face? Flies are dicks.
I had one of those on my knee when I was 7. It wouldn't fly off even when I ran around or blew on it, so I decided it was obviously trying to make friends with me. 'Great! A six legged flying friend.' I thought, 'I don't have one of those yet. We could have all kinds of fun together! I'll call him Gary.' And proceeded to sit down in the garden and talk to it for the next 20 minutes. When I got a bit bored of the conversation and decided it was time for Gary to move on I got a leaf and started to gently nudge him with it. Wouldn't budge. So I tried a twig, Gary was somehow attached, Gary was starting to hurt my knee. Finally I lost my cool and started to peel him off with my fingers. Then came the blood. Gary wasn't trying to be my friend, Gary was eating me. That was the day I learned about betrayal and darkness.
I hate flies. Particularly horse flies. And especially Gary.
11 Humans.
Enough said.
12. Cane toads
Australians will understand.
Anonymous
13. Horses
They embody all of humanity's worst traits. Hierarchy in the herd determines who gets to eat and breed, so they spend all their free time fighting. Don't be fooled by the docile pony all dolled up under saddle; as soon as they go back in their pen they turn into evil poo-pumps. A horse at the bottom of the pecking order will turn into a teeth-gnashing, hoof-embedding inferno when put into a group they think they can dominate. They will chase each other through electric fences and then expect those same victims to guard them while they sleep.
If they don't like their food or think someone else has better, they will piss on their hay and then chase the other horse away from theirs.
The mothering instinct lasts about one month after foaling, and then the baby becomes another competitor for food. They step on their feed pans because they want to dig out the sweet bits, scattering feed, and then go after another's pan.
They will chew on the very shelter that protects them from the weather, and kick holes in it because they are annoyed. They eat grass to the root and then wonder why none grows back. They poop in their water buckets, on the walls, on each other.
If they sense weakness in the human leading them, they will pull loose and take off. They spook over the slightest shadow, but will bluntly ignore commands that will save them from harm.
Their idea of fun is chewing off each other's blankets in the dead of winter, making them freeze.
Their hooves destroy the ground, their poop destroys the ground, and they love to roll on the ground right after you clean them. They also think it's funny to casually step on you and then ignore your pleas to move.
Horses are dicks.
14. Huntsman Spiders
Huntsman spiders - there is no 'they're more scared of you' type thing with them, they will actually (Continued)
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They will actually run and jump towards you. Not joking.
15. Deer
Here's the thing; they murder probably more people than any other animal by essentially suicide bombing drivers. Occasionally they commit murder and hoof you to death. They're just dicks. Horned dicks.
16. Ants
Ants are famous for hard work and being able to lift many times their body weight, making them the perfect heroes of an Ayn Rand novel, or the perfect working drone of communism depending on who's telling the story.
So why are they so awful?
Ants are the only species besides humans that carry out wars and enslave their own. And by enslave we mean pulling out the ant whips and putting the other guy to work against his will.
The victors raid the other nest, capture any survivors and steal all the eggs. Survivors and newborn ants are then forced to work for the victors' nest as long as they live; or at least until their new masters get a craving for some fresh slave ant, and devour them.
17. Lions
Ah, the lion. The noblest of animals, always sitting majestically on top of some rock, overseeing his dominion and protecting the pride and so on.
Actually, lions are huge jerks. If there is one thing lions love to do, it's moms. Unfortunately, female lions don't like to put out when they're raising a kid. So, when the lions want some but the kids are in the way, they walk up to the little brats and just straight up kill them. Dead. Done. Gone. Then, to add insult to injury, they proceed to try and get it on with the mother.
18. Meerkats
Meerkats are vile. A 15-year study observing 40 large meerkat groups concluded that their leaders are slave-driving, murderous taskmasters who react to any possible competition in the worst manner imaginable: mass infanticide. See, each group is run by an alpha couple, the only 'kats' allowed to make babies. So if another couple of meerkats get it on and the female gets pregnant... uh oh.
The alpha's never happy to meet a wee one that isn't hers. After all, what if one grows up to be the Chosen One to overthrow the tyrant? No. Way.
So how does the Queen ensure those deviant baby meerkats suffer appropriately? (Continued)
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She straight up murders them, right in front of their horrified mother.
And instead of just putting the beta out of her misery, the alpha gives her a Sophie's Choice: Either immediately leave the colony and never return (which, since meerkats aren't good at hunting alone, would turn mom into snake poop within days) or become the alpha's best slave forever. Yes, slave -- the beta would be forced into making milk for the alpha's children and generally babysitting the little brats, because it's not like she has any kids of her own tying her down.
19. Bed Bugs
I know they're just doing their thing, but the fact that they come into my apartment, bite me, ruin my furniture, force me to throw out all my belongings and leave my apartment for such small bugs they can have a huge, annoying impact.
Anonymous
20. The Coot
... yes, that's really this bird's name...
Even without the rated-R moniker, coot chicks are so darn adorable, they manage to turn looking like waterlogged mini-vultures into a positive trait. It's their parents, some of the worst child-rearers since the dawn of time, who are the real issue. Basically, they hatch too many children -- nine or 10 at a time -- and can't feed them all. Coots aren't birds of prey, and often the best meals they can scrounge up are tiny, unfilling non-noms like insects and unbreaded shrimp with no cocktail sauce (can you imagine?!). Mom and dad attempt to divvy up this anti-buffet among their starving, increasingly squawking chicks, but it's not enough. The kids remain hungry, and by now are shrieking nonstop about it.
Obviously, the new parents get fed up.
Coot parents, unable to handle the responsibility of feeding such a noisy, demanding brood, start to actually (Continued)
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They start to actually attack their own children -- biting them on the head and making it perfectly clear that whining isn't okay.
Eventually, they stop attacking all their kids and zoom in on whomever they feel is the weakest. That one gets bitten, pecked, and shunned every time it yells for food, until finally it gets the point and shuts up. Unfortunately, this doesn't mean an invite back to the dinner table. It has officially been disowned, and anything it does will simply invite more violence. The sole option, being a baby, is to slink off and slowly die of starvation.
21. Pandas
They're a complete and total failure as a species. They have no natural predators yet they're still going extinct because they decided to only eat stupid rare sticks and they refuse to bang out a continuation of their species. If the stupid bears want to kill their species in peace, that would be fine, but no, the stupid jerks are cute as heck, so everyone is all "Quick, we need tosave the pandas right now!", so a huge chunk of biodiversity preservation funding goes to keep these dumb popular bears alive while numerous other less glamorous species are going extinct with little fuss because they're not "cute".
Sources
Experiencing death is a fascinating and frightening idea.
Who doesn't want to know what is waiting for us on the other side?
But so many of us want to know and then come back and live a little longer.
It would be so great to be sure there is something else.
But the whole dying part is not that great, so we'll have to rely on other people's accounts.
Redditor AlaskaStiletto wanted to hear from everyone who has returned to life, so they asked:
"Redditors who have 'died' and come back to life, what did you see?"
Sensations
Happy Good Vibes GIF by Major League SoccerGiphy"My dad's heart stopped when he had a heart attack and he had to be brought back to life. He kept the paper copy of the heart monitor which shows he flatlined. He said he felt an overwhelming sensation of peace, like nothing he had felt before."
PeachesnPain
Recovery
"I had surgical complications in 2010 that caused a great deal of blood loss. As a result, I had extremely low blood pressure and could barely stay awake. I remember feeling like I was surrounded by loved ones who had passed. They were in a circle around me and I knew they were there to guide me onwards. I told them I was not ready to go because my kids needed me and I came back."
"My nurse later said she was afraid she’d find me dead every time she came into the room."
"It took months, and blood transfusions, but I recovered."
good_golly99
Take Me Back
"Overwhelming peace and happiness. A bright airy and floating feeling. I live a very stressful life. Imagine finding out the person you have had a crush on reveals they have the same feelings for you and then you win the lotto later that day - that was the feeling I had."
"I never feared death afterward and am relieved when I hear of people dying after suffering from an illness."
rayrayrayray
Free
The Light Minnie GIF by (G)I-DLEGiphy"I had a heart surgery with near-death experience, for me at least (well the possibility that those effects are caused by morphine is also there) I just saw black and nothing else but it was warm and I had such inner peace, its weird as I sometimes still think about it and wish this feeling of being so light and free again."
TooReDTooHigh
This is why I hate surgery.
You just never know.
Shocked
Giphy"More of a near-death experience. I was electrocuted. I felt like I was in a deep hole looking straight up in the sky. My life flashed before me. Felt sad for my family, but I had a deep sense of peace."
Admirable_Buyer6528
The SOB
"Nursing in the ICU, we’ve had people try to die on us many times during the years, some successfully. One guy stood out to me. His heart stopped. We called a code, are working on him, and suddenly he comes to. We hadn’t vented him yet, so he was able to talk, and he started screaming, 'Don’t let them take me, don’t let them take me, they are coming,' he was scared and yelling."
"Then he yelled a little more, as we tried to calm him down, he screamed, 'No, No,' and gestured towards the end of the bed, and died again. We didn’t get him back. It was seriously creepy. We called his son to tell him the news, and the son said basically, 'Good, he was an SOB.'”
1-cupcake-at-a-time
Colors
"My sister died and said it was extremely peaceful. She said it was very loud like a train station and lots of talking and she was stuck in this area that was like a curtain with lots of beautiful colors (colors that you don’t see in real life according to her) a man told her 'He was sorry, but she had to go back as it wasn’t her time.'"
Hannah_LL7
"I had a really similar experience except I was in an endless garden with flowers that were colors I had never seen before. It was quiet and peaceful and a woman in a dress looked at me, shook her head, and just said 'Not yet.' As I was coming back, it was extremely loud, like everyone in the world was trying to talk all at once. It was all very disorienting but it changed my perspective on life!"
huntokarrr
The Fog
"I was in a gray fog with a girl who looked a lot like a young version of my grandmother (who was still alive) but dressed like a pioneer in the 1800s she didn't say anything but kept pulling me towards an opening in the wall. I kept refusing to go because I was so tired."
"I finally got tired of her nagging and went and that's when I came to. I had bled out during a c-section and my heart could not beat without blood. They had to deliver the baby and sew up the bleeders. refill me with blood before they could restart my heart so, like, at least 12 minutes gone."
Fluffy-Hotel-5184
Through the Walls
"My spouse was dead for a couple of minutes one miserable night. She maintains that she saw nothing, but only heard people talking about her like through a wall. The only thing she remembers for absolute certain was begging an ER nurse that she didn't want to die."
"She's quite alive and well today."
Hot-Refrigerator6583
Well let's all be happy to be alive.
It seems to be all we have.
Trying to lose weight is a struggle understood by many people regardless of size.
The goal of reaching a healthy weight may seem unattainable, but with diet and exercise, it can pay off through persistence and discipline.
Seeing the pounds gradually drop off can also be a great motivator and incentivize people to stay the course.
Those who've achieved their respective weight goals shared their experiences when Redditor apprenti8455 asked:
"People who lost a lot of weight, what surprises you the most now?"
Redditors didn't see these coming.
Shiver Me Timbers
"I’m always cold now!"
– Telrom_1
"I had a coworker lose over 130 pounds five or six years ago. I’ve never seen him without a jacket on since."
– r7ndom
"140 lbs lost here starting just before COVID, I feel like that little old lady that's always cold, damn this top comment was on point lmao."
– mr_remy
Drawing Concern
"I lost 100 pounds over a year and a half but since I’m old(70’s) it seems few people comment on it because (I think) they think I’m wasting away from some terminal illness."
– dee-fondy
"Congrats on the weight loss! It’s honestly a real accomplishment 🙂"
"Working in oncology, I can never comment on someone’s weight loss unless I specifically know it was on purpose, regardless of their age. I think it kind of ruffles feathers at times, but like I don’t want to congratulate someone for having cancer or something. It’s a weird place to be in."
– LizardofDeath
Unleashing Insults
"I remember when I lost the first big chunk of weight (around 50 lbs) it was like it gave some people license to talk sh*t about the 'old' me. Old coworkers, friends, made a lot of not just negative, but harsh comments about what I used to look like. One person I met after the big loss saw a picture of me prior and said, 'Wow, we wouldn’t even be friends!'”
"It wasn’t extremely common, but I was a little alarmed by some of the attention. My weight has been up and down since then, but every time I gain a little it gets me a little down thinking about those things people said."
– alanamablamaspama
Not Everything Goes After Losing Weight
"The loose skin is a bit unexpected."
– KeltarCentauri
"I haven’t experienced it myself, but surgery to remove skin takes a long time to recover. Longer than bariatric surgery and usually isn’t covered by insurance unless you have both."
– KatMagic1977
"It definitely does take a long time to recover. My Dad dropped a little over 200 pounds a few years back and decided to go through with skin removal surgery to deal with the excess. His procedure was extensive, as in he had skin taken from just about every part of his body excluding his head, and he went through hell for weeks in recovery, and he was bedridden for a lot of it."
– Jaew96
These Redditors shared their pleasantly surprising experiences.
Shopping
"I can buy clothes in any store I want."
– WaySavvyD
"When I lost weight I was dying to go find cute, smaller clothes and I really struggled. As someone who had always been restricted to one or two stores that catered to plus-sized clothing, a full mall of shops with items in my size was daunting. Too many options and not enough knowledge of brands that were good vs cheap. I usually went home pretty frustrated."
– ganache98012
No More Symptoms
"Lost about 80 pounds in the past year and a half, biggest thing that I’ve noticed that I haven’t seen mentioned on here yet is my acid reflux and heartburn are basically gone. I used to be popping tums every couple hours and now they just sit in the medicine cabinet collecting dust."
– colleennicole93
Expanding Capabilities
"I'm all for not judging people by their appearance and I recognise that there are unhealthy, unachievable beauty standards, but one thing that is undeniable is that I can just do stuff now. Just stamina and flexibility alone are worth it, appearance is tertiary at best."
– Ramblonius
People Change Their Tune
"How much nicer people are to you."
"My feet weren't 'wide' they were 'fat.'"
– LiZZygsu
"Have to agree. Lost 220 lbs, people make eye contact and hold open doors and stuff"
"And on the foot thing, I also lost a full shoe size numerically and also wear regular width now 😅"
– awholedamngarden
It's gonna take some getting used to.
Bones Everywhere
"Having bones. Collarbones, wrist bones, knee bones, hip bones, ribs. I have so many bones sticking out everywhere and it’s weird as hell."
– Princess-Pancake-97
"I noticed the shadow of my ribs the other day and it threw me, there’s a whole skeleton in here."
– bekastrange
Knee Pillow
"Right?! And they’re so … pointy! Now I get why people sleep with pillows between their legs - the knee bones laying on top of each other (side sleeper here) is weird and jarring."
– snic2030
"I lost only 40 pounds within the last year or so. I’m struggling to relate to most of these comments as I feel like I just 'slimmed down' rather than dropped a ton. But wow, the pillow between the knees at night. YES! I can relate to this. I think a lot of my weight was in my thighs. I never needed to do this up until recently."
– Strongbad23
More Mobility
"I’ve lost 100 lbs since 2020. It’s a collection of little things that surprise me. For at least 10 years I couldn’t put on socks, or tie my shoes. I couldn’t bend over and pick something up. I couldn’t climb a ladder to fix something. Simple things like that I can do now that fascinate me."
"Edit: Some additional little things are sitting in a chair with arms, sitting in a booth in a restaurant, being able to shop in a normal store AND not needing to buy the biggest size there, being able to easily wipe my butt, and looking down and being able to see my penis."
– dma1965
People making significant changes, whether for mental or physical health, can surely find a newfound perspective on life.
But they can also discover different issues they never saw coming.
That being said, overcoming any challenge in life is laudable, especially if it leads to gaining confidence and ditching insecurities.