The Absolute Stupidest Things People Have Heard An 'Alpha Male' Say
Reddit user PrototypeShadowBlitz asked: 'Reddit, what is the stupidest thing you've heard from the "alpha male" community?'
Tough guys put on a facade that indicates to others that they always know what's going on.
But their confidence doesn't always match their intellect, which is probably why they cover their insecurities by walking around and trying to show everyone who's really the boss.
If that's the case, they should keep their mouths shut because not everything that comes out of their mouth needs to be heard.
Yet, it can be amusing to everyone else.
Curious to hear examples of these, Redditor PrototypeShadowBlitz asked:
"Reddit, what is the stupidest thing you've heard from the 'alpha male' community?"
You might find these guys at a bar.
The Dude Must Be Hungry
"Had a run in once with a group of young lads about something in a bar and one of them said we are top of the food chain bro and you will be the prey."
"'Whatever, mall ninja" -proper response."
If The Shoe Fits
"That they were an alpha male."
"The use of 'Alpha Male,' unironically is every indication that you're dealing with a child's understanding of manhood."
"Me and my bros are all alpha males."
"I was skiing one time and rode the lift with a guy that said, 'I don't feel no pain. I live with 5 roommates and none of us feel any pain.' Okay, bud. That's a really interesting coincidence."
They sure thrive on making sexist comments.
"A coworker said, 'I don't spend too much time with my girlfriend because I'll become too feminine.'"
"FELLAS IS IT GAY?!"
"I have been called a beta for saying that my wife makes more money than I do. She works in a more lucrative field and is more educated than I am, so it makes perfect sense that she makes more than I do."
"So I came back, and this post has really blown up. There's just a few things I want to clarify."
"1- I have only ever been called a beta online."
"2- I work full-time in project management. I have a master's degree. I have a 6 figure salary."
"3- My wife has a PhD and works in finance. She also has a 6 figure salary, it's just a higher salary than my own."
"4- I'm sorry to anyone who might feel as though my original post misled them."
"A real man would be proud of his wife for achieving success, and not fall for that sort of insecure bullsh*t."
"It's not a contest, that's the real joke here. Good on you for seeing the big picture."
Do these roles about parenting sound familiar?
Childish Things Are Too Girly
"Real men don't take their kids trick or treating is one that I heard recently."
"Related. Guys who brag about not changing diapers, not playing 'girly' games, etc. Essentially guys who brag that their only contribution to fatherhood is money and masculine things like fishing or football. Even then some of them brag about not paying a lot of child support to prove they didn't let the system take advantage of them."
"I can't imagine a life so empty my only accomplishment worth bragging about was being a terrible parent."
This Woman's Work
"I was told that taking care of my kids is woman's work. Apparently it's concerning that I try to spend so much of my free time with them. Oddly enough the meatheads at my grappling club think it's sweet I occasionally have my daughters' hair clips on and nails painted."
People discussed rules in the bedroom.
"That a man is turned off when their wife/girlfriend seduces them, because if she wants sex and shows it she is a sl*t, also making the man the submissive one…"
"Not the whole community, but was cuddling with a guy once and could tell he was trying not to get emotional over something that was bothering him. He said, quite literally, 'it's not alpha male behaviour.' I told him that I liked that he showed emotions sometimes, and he looked disgusted by the fact that I pointed it out."
In high school, a classmate who was on the football team said I was a "sissy" for listening to classical music.
The other classmates laughed at me, which was hardly surprising since all of the guys on our unbeatable football team were considered stars on campus.
This kind of mockery was a typical day for me.
I can laugh at their idiotic comments now but back then, I don't know why I ever let them get under my skin.
"Reddit user rest_in_war asked: 'Women who said "I can fix him", what happened?'"
"I can fix them."
That is one of life's most dangerous sentences.
Love is going to turn out how it turns out.
We can help a significant other.
We can support them.
We can even guide them through the journey.
But fixing someone is not an option.
You can only fix oneself.
Plus, why would you want to fix someone?
Shouldn't we be interested in one another as we are?
Fixing someone implies that they're broken in a way you don't approve of.
That's not a great way to nurture love.
Redditor rest_in_war wanted to hear from the ladies out there about the guys they tried to change, so they asked:
"Women who said 'I can fix him,' what happened?"
If they need fixing, send them to a mechanic. (Therapist)
But don't wait around for the bill.
Moving OnSeth Meyers Lol GIF by Late Night with Seth MeyersGiphy
"With his newfound self-esteem, he left me for someone better."
Over & Over
"Well, I failed at fixing him but learned a lot about myself in the process. I have no hate for him- if anything I hope every day he does the work to fix himself because I saw the potential and I did care for him once. I hate to think that he’ll just continue life repeating the same patterns over and over."
"I can say for myself, yes there was some damage done for sure! But I’ve never been the type to linger in my hurt. So, I learned a lot about myself, good and bad, and I’ve chosen to let the hurt go that he caused me and work on me. It’s been rocky here and there if I’m being honest- but if I could put that much effort and time into trying to fix someone else, why would I not do the same for myself?!?"
Worse by the Day
"I didn't and he got crazier. No idea what has happened to him now and I don't care."
"Well, my grandma said 'I can fix him,' ended up pregnant and alone. My mother never had a relationship with her biological dad (luckily my grandma met my grandad who then raised my mom). My mom said 'I can fix him,' and ended up alone with a baby. Was a single mom for 15 years. Luckily she's now married to my stepdad who's a great man."
"I said 'I can fix him' and tried my best and wasted 4 years of my youth. LUCKILY I didn't have kids with him, but he wanted to. I came out the other side utterly broken and it took quite a few years to repair myself. My self-confidence is still nonexistent, even though I've been married to a great man for 15 years."
"So, one word of advice; don't."
"Ended up broken too."
"Reminds me of that tweet that goes something like, 'I convinced my therapist to confront her husband about not liking her tweets. She may not be able to fix me, but at least I can make us both worse.'"
A plan like this can only lead to self-harm.
We deserve more.
For the BetterValentines Day Love GIF by Boomerang OfficialGiphy
"I was the one who was fixed. My husband helped me work through my trauma and got me into therapy after we got married. I learned to take accountability for my actions and became much more honest with him. when we got together, I was absolutely aimless, but now I have a genuine plan for my future and I'm so excited to work hard with him in creating a comfortable and happy life together.
"I have always wanted to change for the better and wanted more for my life but he was certainly the push I needed to get there. He's been such a fantastic influence on me and I can never thank him enough for being my rock; I can only hope to repay him for everything he's done for me."
Clean it Up
"I actually did 'fix him' while we were together- cleaned up (haircuts and regular shaving, clothes that actually fit, etc) and got him a job. The week after I helped him get his own apartment he cheated on me. He almost immediately reverted to how he was before, last I saw he was back to baggy pants and homeless man hair/facial hair. Lost his job and apartment and the girl left him... lol."
"Well, I am completely emotionally unavailable, and I no longer wish to give people my heart like that again."
"I know how you feel because I’ve been in that boat before. Please, when the right person comes along, do not be afraid to open up again. Those scars will ruin future relationships if you don’t let them heal. And all that’s obviously to say is let yourself be ready and don’t rush it. It gets better."
Back to my country...
"I was the one who was fixed."
"I met an exchange student when I was 19, and dropped out of college (was failing anyway) to follow her to her country. After about a year there, I was so head over heels in love I was sure I’d marry her. There was no way I was going to be a good husband with no job prospects, not knowing her language, etc."
"I went back to my country to get a menial job in a factory, get myself back into school, study her language, make something of myself. Whereas I was failing out of college when I left, I ended up getting a 4.0 when I went back."
"She flew to see me a few times and the last time broke up with me. I was devastated. But the fire had already been lit and I feel I’ve been quite successful in life over the last 25 years, and I am so thankful for her influence."
Getting WildLets Go Reaction GIF by Mason RamseyGiphy
"He left me because the grass was greener. I built him up so much that he was sure he could do better and go out to 'sow his wild oats.' 10 years later and he's close to 40 still living at home and hasn't had a girlfriend since."
What have we learned?
We can only fix ourselves.
And it's ok that love doesn't always conquer all.
Growing up, kids talk about the jobs they want as adults.
Once they become adults, they select career paths or cycle through a variety of jobs.
Most people find mainstream jobs, but some luck into really unique professions.
Reddit user Rynoop asked:
"What are weird jobs nobody knows about but they pay well?"
"I was once a pinecone harvester. A helicopter would cut off the tops of trees and bring them to us to pick off the pinecones, which would then go to tree planters to germinate and plant."
"$35 to fill a 5 gallon bucket, experienced pickers would fill 2½ buckets an hour, but the sap getting all over your clothes, skin, and hair is very annoying and a big deterrent for most."
"My Aunt and her daughter both do seasonal work as Hand pollinators, harvesters."
"Certain types of plants (saffron, vanilla orchids) have very small windows of time when you can pollinate or harvest from them (a couple of hours to a half day) so the growers need people who can work fast and delicately to hand pollinate or harvest whatever plant they are growing."
"Plus if the plant is small and they grow in the ground its a lot of bending to get down and do whatever has to be done, especially if they have a whole field of tiny flowers and you are using tweezers or a tiny paint brush."
"My Aunty and cousin have been doing it for years now, they always get called back and make a lot of money for 1-2 days work."
"I’m a greensperson in the film industry."
"I’m responsible for building and maintaining the plants and trees on a set."
Touring Broadway Musician
"I play trumpet for a touring Broadway show."
"Not that weird but it’s amazing how few people know there are real musicians playing live below the stage."
"Can’t have open heart surgery without us, but almost no one knows we exist!"
"We stop the heart, protect it, monitor and modify cerebral blood flow, protect kidney function, warm and cool patients sometimes as cold as 18° C to change their metabolism, take over anesthetic control, and generally puppeteer everything that’s automatic in a conscious person."
Celebrity Flight Crew
"I worked on Oprah’s plane, it was just sitting at Midway airport with the other planes, nothing special."
"The only weird thing was we had to pop a bunch of popcorn in the hanger when she came so she didn’t have to smell airline fuel."
"I have several Xmas bonus checks signed by Oprah herself."
"I don’t even know the name for this, but a friend takes care of rich people's cars for a living."
"Pick up the car for maintenance, takes the car from a to b, etc... He doesn’t actually work on the cars, just works for rich people that don’t have time to take care of the car."
"He's super well paid, is on first name basis with some of the richest people in the country."
"Apparently it isn’t easy to find trustworthy people to take care of your cars (plus have access to your properties and so on)."
"An old neighbor of mine was a picture hanging specialist contracted by many museums."
"He made $75K a year at the time (about $150K adjusted for inflation)."
"When you work as a government employee or contractor with a top secret clearance, after you retire or get laid off, you can work as an escort within classified facilities called SCIFs."
"Escorts are needed when an uncleared person needs to work in the SCIF. For example, it might be a top secret data center that needs an air conditioner repair."
"All the escort has to do is watch the repairman and stay with them throughout the visit. They usually just drag a chair over and sit there while getting paid damn good money."
"I had a boyfriend in Oklahoma who got state wages for going into the backwoods, and down dirt roads to find trash people dumped."
"His job was to report the trash for others to clean up, but most importantly, he had to sift through the trash to find anything that would identify who dumped the trash."
"I went with him a few times and I felt like a detective, it was quite fun."
"My dad was a master flavorist."
"He made artificial flavors for candy, beverages and lots of other things."
"He made a LOT of money during his career."
"My sister-in-law is 'the nose' for Yankee Candle."
"When a vat of scented wax is ready, she sniffs it."
"I used to be friends with one of Heineken's official tasters."
"She literally drank every day for work. Don't know how the pay was but she didn't seem broke."
"I make teeth on a computer."
"I use a cadcam program to design crowns and bridges for dental laboratories."
"I work remotely and do pretty well."
"I once met a professional ice sculptor who made a killing at corporate events and weddings."
"It's a niche skill, but the pay is pretty impressive!"
So, have you seen your new career?
Or do you have another suggestion?
Share it in the comments.
We've all made our fair share of mistakes; it's in our nature, honestly.
Sometimes we mess up so badly, it can ruin other things in our lives, like important relationships or our jobs.
But some people have messed up so badly at work that they lost their jobs in record time.
Ready to hear the tea, Redditor mango-chocolate asked:
"What's the quickest way you saw a coworker get fired?"
Check Your Pride
"In my old law office, a firm-wide email was sent out announcing the arrival of a new employee. We will call him Paul."
"So Paul decided to reply-all to let all of us know that he was aware of our recent legal defeats, that many people should be fired for these failures, and that his hiring was the first good thing our firm had done in years."
"The dude was a legal assistant right out of college with no experience."
"A minute after the email went out, I heard a crazy shout and then watched one of the senior partners run past my office towards HR (Human Resources)."
"And five minutes later Paul walked past with the HR manager and a security escort. He lasted less than 45 minutes."
"I worked at a lotteries company. A guy working in testing got access to production data and printed off some test tickets with some unclaimed winning numbers."
"He only did low amounts, like 500 dollars, and claimed three of them in three completely different locations around town."
"Of course, the company was interested in the story of someone who found a six-month-old lottery ticket and claimed it, but they were even more interested to find it was the same person going to three locations."
"Needless to say, when they realized the guy actually worked in the company, he got pulled into a room with cops a-waiting him."
"I worked at a bank, we were robbed at gunpoint. One of the tellers was quick to tweet out, 'Woooo, got the rest of the day off!! Feel free to visit me at work with a gun and ski mask anytime!'"
"They were fired upon walking in the next morning."
Totally Stopped Production
"An id**t pressed the emergency stop for fun on his second day at work."
"The emergency stop that he hit switches off all drives on the 100-meter-long paper machine. This means there is a loss of production for three to four hours for the entire paper mill."
"He was immediately escorted from the factory premises by two colleagues."
No Point Taking That Test
"I had a coworker get picked for a random drug test. She went back to her desk to grab her purse, and just left the building, never to return."
Yes, That's What We Meant
"The boss sat her down to talk about her recent behavior at work."
"She whipped out her phone and started taking a video, saying that it was her right to record for 'when it goes to court.'"
"The boss said, 'Okay, this is the kind of stuff I’m talking about, you’re fired.'"
"This was at a Domino’s Pizza."
New Definition for "Side Hustle"
"Evidently, they robbed a bank on their lunch break."
"They came back like nothing happened, and then the cops showed up and took him down. It was crazy."
Quite the First Impression
"Pulling into the parking lot on the first day, she ran into a light pole that took out electricity to the whole site."
"She wasn't wearing a seat belt and was thrown into the front window."
"When we went out to see what had happened, she reeked of booze and there were empty liquor bottles in the back of the car."
"She never even made it to the front door, got a guest badge, or started her orientation training."
"When I was in high school, I used to do seasonal work at haunted houses which I did for four years."
"A new guy that they hired was supposed to help with parking. Now, in the three years that I worked at this haunted house, they never once charged people for parking (it was a very dark parking lot off of a cliff so had to make sure no one drove off of it trying to park)."
"This cheeky son of b***h started charging people five dollars to park."
"It was only found out after someone complained because they didn't have the money to go in with their friends because they had to pay for parking. I think the guy was only there a couple of hours before he got fired."
Missed the Training
"They got hired and then fell asleep during a meeting their first day and were asked not to come back."
"Same here. At a tech company, they hired a new developer, and the owner caught him napping at a desk on day one when he was supposed to be reviewing training materials."
"The owner had a chat with him, and told him whatever the reason, it was really bad form to fall asleep on the job on the first day."
"The new hire apologized, understood, and went back to the training materials. Not 20 minutes later, the owner walks by again and the guy is passed out once again, so he walked over, woke him up, and told him he was fired and to get out."
"I don't even think he made it to his fourth hour of employment."
Highly Questionable Explorations
"Early in my career I was an engineer at a refinery in the UK, and I was in charge of the QC lab. By law, we had to have external independent testing on the refinery fuel products to confirm they complied with government regulations."
"It seemed getting a job for the testing company was that you had to be an adult and had a driving license. The lab had a lot of very nasty chemicals either being tested or used in the testing or cleaning of the oil products."
"A new young girl turned up for the testing company and was dipping her finger into a chemical called phenol and stating that 'it makes your hand and arm go numb.' Phenol is a severe muscle relaxant (including your heart) and can kill you at very low concentrations."
"One hour into her employment we had paramedics on the scene monitoring her vitals and was released after eight hours. She didn't last the first hour of the first day and the testing company was fined pretty heavily."
AKA: Paid to Advertise
"A guy got hired in the first firm I ever worked for. He turned up for his first morning at work, and within an hour he had emailed the entire company (6,000 people) about his band and their availability for birthdays, weddings, etc."
"He was dismissed by lunchtime."
"So he got paid half a day's wage to advertise his band to 6,000 people?"
"Man's a freaking genius."
"One day, Tim announced that he wasn’t paid enough and was going to basically sit at his desk doing nothing until he was paid what he wanted."
"20 minutes later, the boss walked in and asked Tim if he could have a word with him."
"Five minutes later, the boss walked back in and announced that Tim no longer worked there and if there were any questions."
"There were no questions."
Don't Be That Guy
"Interviewed a guy that was replacing someone who was leaving. Offered the job and was supposed to start the next day."
"Just so happened that we were having a going away party for the leaving dude that night so new guy was invited as a chance to 'get to know the team.'"
"The new guy shows up and proceeds to get absolutely s**t-faced and asked the head of HR if she wanted to go back to his place because he 'got a vibe' during the interview process."
"Next day, the new guy was a no-show so we were thinking bullet dodged. He showed up just before lunch clearly hung over making up some excuse for being late."
"The big boss came out and told the guy to get the f**k out."
Optional Hours? Optional Employment.
"I fired someone who decided her second day that she was going to go out to lunch and not come back. The next morning she told everyone all about the shopping she did. She seemed confused about the expectations."
Some of these stories are absolutely worth shaking our heads over, while others are truly shocking.
It's crazy the lengths people will go to in the workplace, despite the expectations that had already been clearly set.
If you view the rules as optional, your boss might view your employment as optional, too.
We all have our bad days that can be completely debilitating.
Some days are worse than others and can lead to mental breakdowns.
For most of us, these moments are fleeting, and we can greet the next day with a fresh start and mindset.
But that luxury doesn't always apply to everyone.
Imagine those who perpetually experience such an extreme frequently, maybe even daily.
Curious to hear of various diagnoses of the mind, Redditor MeepingBad6699 asked:
"Mental professionals of reddit, what is the worst mental condition that you know of?"
There are patients who are convinced they are no longer with us but are still able to articulate it.
Dead But Alive
"Cotard delusion. I'm a nurse and had to take care of a huge man with this condition. He came in with some odd behavior and escalated to Cotard. The delusion makes you think you are actually dead. He would scream he was dead all day and night. Lived in constant terror. He was such a sweetheart, but became so worn down and terrified over time he got quite dangerous and punched a nurse in the face."
"I had a patient check into the ER with this once but I didn’t know the name, she just kept claiming she was dead. She got baker acted and transferred."
"Also a nurse. I had a couple patients get ICU delirium that presented with them believing they were dead. Definitely not a fun time."
"I mean it sorta makes sense. Being in the ICU can be comparable to torture with the sleep deprivation, constant beeping and other noises, lots of pain and other physical discomfort, the thirst and hunger (thirst and hunger are very psychological so even if we give someone nutrition through a feeding tube or IV, your brain still freaks out because you're not eating or drinking). And so for some people, if you wake up, don't know where you are and you feel like you're being tortured, reasonable enough to assume you are in hell."
"Wow. So according to the DSM 5 there have only been 200 cases since this condition was identified (how long ago, I want to say 1800s). Anyway, I just found a new study from 2022 that says that about 1% of patients with schizophrenia are now reporting this delusion. Which, as the authors point out, is a significant increase. I wonder what has changed in the decade since the DSM 5 was published that is driving this uptick?"
"It is especially odd when you consider that people actually used to believe that dead people could come back to life, even designing coffins and burial practices around this belief because it was so commonplace. You’d think if anything the condition would be becoming less frequent and not more. Interesting."
Severe memory loss is one of life's cruelest symptoms.
Losing A Sense Of Self
"Watching a person, their memories, their personality die but their body remain living and confused, is horrifying..."
"My grandma has dementia (she can barely talk right now, but she's still physically healthy, somewhat) and a lot of my closely related family died due to Alzheimer's. Granted they acquired it / started showing severe symptoms when already quite old (early to late 80s), but it's still a terrifying prospect to know that I'll probably die in such a way. I hope that when the time comes, and it starts to affect me in a significant way, my wishes will be respected and I'll be euthanized. Both to spare me the horrors of it, and to not be a depressing burden to those around me."
"My grandma had it and now my dad is constantly complaining that he's forgetting things/can't remember anything. He's not even 60 yet."
Eating disorder was another horrific mental condition Redditors mentioned.
Hosting A Non-Existent Parasite
"Delusional parasitosis comes to mind with this prompt. I’ve watched a patient go to well over a dozen doctors trying to get confirmation that they’re parasite ridden. After countless stool samples, blood work, labs, scans, biopsies, etc., she clearly didn’t have any but remains convinced."
"A friend of my mom's ended up with something like this after getting into the wrong kinds of drugs."
"She was convinced that there were little bugs in her face. Absolutely convinced. She'd pick at her face day and night."
"She got clean for a little while, came to her senses, and stopped picking. But the damage was done, her entire face was scarred."
Alzheimer's hits too close to home.
I've known so many people related to or knowing someone with mental illnesses resulting in severe memory loss and it is heartbreaking.
Now a family member was just diagnosed and it's a lot for me to process it. It's not just the individual suffering. Their loved ones truly suffer too.
What I am learning, however, is to not take the present for granted. It's all we have.