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The Absolute Stupidest Things People Have Heard An 'Alpha Male' Say

Reddit user PrototypeShadowBlitz asked: 'Reddit, what is the stupidest thing you've heard from the "alpha male" community?'

Guy at the gym
Anastase Maragos/Unsplash

Tough guys put on a facade that indicates to others that they always know what's going on.

But their confidence doesn't always match their intellect, which is probably why they cover their insecurities by walking around and trying to show everyone who's really the boss.

If that's the case, they should keep their mouths shut because not everything that comes out of their mouth needs to be heard.

Yet, it can be amusing to everyone else.

Curious to hear examples of these, Redditor PrototypeShadowBlitz asked:

"Reddit, what is the stupidest thing you've heard from the 'alpha male' community?"

You might find these guys at a bar.

The Dude Must Be Hungry

"Had a run in once with a group of young lads about something in a bar and one of them said we are top of the food chain bro and you will be the prey."

– insertitherenow

"'Whatever, mall ninja" -proper response."

– TheEighthLord

If The Shoe Fits

"That they were an alpha male."

– I_Have_A_Name37654

"The use of 'Alpha Male,' unironically is every indication that you're dealing with a child's understanding of manhood."

– 88Dubs

Brat Pack

"Me and my bros are all alpha males."

– SonOfDadOfSam

"I was skiing one time and rode the lift with a guy that said, 'I don't feel no pain. I live with 5 roommates and none of us feel any pain.' Okay, bud. That's a really interesting coincidence."

– NicPizzaLatte

They sure thrive on making sexist comments.

Contagious Femininity

"A coworker said, 'I don't spend too much time with my girlfriend because I'll become too feminine.'"

– Lazy_Natural6154

"FELLAS IS IT GAY?!"

– aliebabadegrote

Sexist Categorization

"I have been called a beta for saying that my wife makes more money than I do. She works in a more lucrative field and is more educated than I am, so it makes perfect sense that she makes more than I do."

"So I came back, and this post has really blown up. There's just a few things I want to clarify."

"1- I have only ever been called a beta online."

"2- I work full-time in project management. I have a master's degree. I have a 6 figure salary."

"3- My wife has a PhD and works in finance. She also has a 6 figure salary, it's just a higher salary than my own."

"4- I'm sorry to anyone who might feel as though my original post misled them."

– ExaminationDouble240

It's Teamwork

"A real man would be proud of his wife for achieving success, and not fall for that sort of insecure bullsh*t."

"It's not a contest, that's the real joke here. Good on you for seeing the big picture."

– Mrbeardoesthethings

Do these roles about parenting sound familiar?

Childish Things Are Too Girly

"Real men don't take their kids trick or treating is one that I heard recently."

– constructionguy89

"Related. Guys who brag about not changing diapers, not playing 'girly' games, etc. Essentially guys who brag that their only contribution to fatherhood is money and masculine things like fishing or football. Even then some of them brag about not paying a lot of child support to prove they didn't let the system take advantage of them."

"I can't imagine a life so empty my only accomplishment worth bragging about was being a terrible parent."

– Green7000

This Woman's Work

"I was told that taking care of my kids is woman's work. Apparently it's concerning that I try to spend so much of my free time with them. Oddly enough the meatheads at my grappling club think it's sweet I occasionally have my daughters' hair clips on and nails painted."

– MrFunktasticc

People discussed rules in the bedroom.

Never Submissive

"That a man is turned off when their wife/girlfriend seduces them, because if she wants sex and shows it she is a sl*t, also making the man the submissive one…"

– kamalaophelia

Stifling Emotions

"Not the whole community, but was cuddling with a guy once and could tell he was trying not to get emotional over something that was bothering him. He said, quite literally, 'it's not alpha male behaviour.' I told him that I liked that he showed emotions sometimes, and he looked disgusted by the fact that I pointed it out."

– LambLifts

In high school, a classmate who was on the football team said I was a "sissy" for listening to classical music.

The other classmates laughed at me, which was hardly surprising since all of the guys on our unbeatable football team were considered stars on campus.

This kind of mockery was a typical day for me.

I can laugh at their idiotic comments now but back then, I don't know why I ever let them get under my skin.

People Explain What They Bought With Their First-Ever Paycheck

Reddit user MisterChiTown92 asked: 'What did you buy with your first ever work paycheck?'

Person fanning out wad of $100 bills
Alexander Mils/Unsplash

Working a first job is an important part of growing up.

Whether it's working a paper route (do kids even do this anymore?) or working at a video rental store (do those even exist anymore?) first-ever part-time jobs establish important life values and lessons to the youth.

Also, there's nothing that validates accomplishment at a young age more than being able to buy something with their hard-earned money.

Curious to hear examples of this, Redditor MisterChiTown92 asked:

"What did you buy with your first ever work paycheck?"

These generous Redditors found value in paying it forward.

Dinner's On Me

"It was 1976, I was making a whopping $2.50/hour at age 16 (20 cents higher than minimum wage, and it was an office job so I wasn't on my feet all day)....my family didn't have a lot of money (which is why I started working while in the 11th grade), so with my first paycheck I took my Mom and brothers out to dinner at Big Boy. I remember being all proud to say 'Get whatever you want, even the combo meal and a milkshake, it's on me."'

– Ouisch

Dinner Miscalculation

"I took my mom out to a fancy French restaurant. I had no idea how much it was going to cost, then plus tip, I didn’t even have enough! So she had to help me pay the rest. My mom still joke about that from time to time when we go out with the family."

"That was almost 25 yrs ago, damn time flew by."

– jonwtc

Gift For Mom

"I bought my mother a beautiful shawl. I never saw her wear it but it was in with her things when she died nearly 50 years later."

– WakingOwl1

These Redditors got to reward themselves with the things they enjoy most.

Creating Memories

"About twenty bucks of my first paper route earnings, for the pizza buffet and soft drinks, and some arcade games, with my best friend."

"While the shape I've been in has varied over the years, I've kept that stamina I built up hauling around damn near my weight in newsprint. For long endurance rides, hikes with a loaded-up pack, and running."

– ArmsForPeace84

Brand New Kicks

"I was 14 and got a job as a bus boy at a local BBQ joint. With my first check, I went and bought myself a pair of blue/brown Airwalk shoes. I remember how cool it felt to be able to buy something for myself and not have to ask my parents."

– johnnybmagic

Scoring Big Time

"A Playstation 2. Excellent buy, kept it for a over decade before buying an Xbox One."

– Birdo-the-Besto

"It was an Xbox 360 for me. Loved that console."

– HabeLinkin

"Still have a modded PS2. Had a hard drive with games on it too. It still turns on last I checked, I wonder if the hard drive still works..."

–DubaU

A Timeless Treasure

"My family owned a construction business, and my father had me on site for as long as I could remember. I don't remember the first thing I ever bought with what he paid me, but I remember the first thing I set out to buy and had to work for weeks to get the money for. It was a Lego castle set. $49. I'm almost 50 now, and I still have it."

– Spodson

Naughty Pleasures

"lol I bought a candy g-string so I could eat it off of my girlfriend while she was wearing it, and a black cowboy hat with spikes on it from Hot Topic hahaha"

dirtydickmf

Some recalled having to prioritize taking care of business over indulgences.

The Necessities

"gasoline and insurance to continue to be able to go to work."

– TurpitudeSnuggery

"I remember getting my first paycheck being so proud of it and my stepfather goes wow you don't have enough for gas. How are you getting to work for the next two weeks? Made me realize I needed to work more."

"I should also put in here that this was my first on the books paycheck. Made it feel a little different."

– truelydorky

Saving Up For Wheels

"Used to mow lawns and do odd jobs for cash when I was a kid. When I got my first 'real' paycheck that I had to cash at a bank, I saved every penny for several months until I bought my first car at age 16."

"Had zero expenses back then, which made it easy to save money. Fun memory."

– YupHio

Building A Wardrobe

"Clothes."

"I had to start working at the age of 12 because my parents could no longer afford to buy clothes for me."

– Opposite-Purpose365

I worked at a video game store in the mall when I was 15.

I was miserable being stuck behind a counter in a tiny corner store with hardly any adequate air circulation. Working with a personality-clashing co-worker didn't help things either.

But when I got my first paycheck, I remember thinking it was a major milestone and reward for enduring the unpleasant work conditions.

I used my first-ever earnings on a denim jacket from the Gap at the mall where I worked. I wore that stone-washed jacket with pride at school for years.

What was your most prized purchase from your first paycheck?

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