The Absolute Stupidest Things People Have Heard An 'Alpha Male' Say
Reddit user PrototypeShadowBlitz asked: 'Reddit, what is the stupidest thing you've heard from the "alpha male" community?'
Tough guys put on a facade that indicates to others that they always know what's going on.
But their confidence doesn't always match their intellect, which is probably why they cover their insecurities by walking around and trying to show everyone who's really the boss.
If that's the case, they should keep their mouths shut because not everything that comes out of their mouth needs to be heard.
Yet, it can be amusing to everyone else.
Curious to hear examples of these, Redditor PrototypeShadowBlitz asked:
"Reddit, what is the stupidest thing you've heard from the 'alpha male' community?"
You might find these guys at a bar.
The Dude Must Be Hungry
"Had a run in once with a group of young lads about something in a bar and one of them said we are top of the food chain bro and you will be the prey."
"'Whatever, mall ninja" -proper response."
If The Shoe Fits
"That they were an alpha male."
"The use of 'Alpha Male,' unironically is every indication that you're dealing with a child's understanding of manhood."
"Me and my bros are all alpha males."
"I was skiing one time and rode the lift with a guy that said, 'I don't feel no pain. I live with 5 roommates and none of us feel any pain.' Okay, bud. That's a really interesting coincidence."
They sure thrive on making sexist comments.
"A coworker said, 'I don't spend too much time with my girlfriend because I'll become too feminine.'"
"FELLAS IS IT GAY?!"
"I have been called a beta for saying that my wife makes more money than I do. She works in a more lucrative field and is more educated than I am, so it makes perfect sense that she makes more than I do."
"So I came back, and this post has really blown up. There's just a few things I want to clarify."
"1- I have only ever been called a beta online."
"2- I work full-time in project management. I have a master's degree. I have a 6 figure salary."
"3- My wife has a PhD and works in finance. She also has a 6 figure salary, it's just a higher salary than my own."
"4- I'm sorry to anyone who might feel as though my original post misled them."
"A real man would be proud of his wife for achieving success, and not fall for that sort of insecure bullsh*t."
"It's not a contest, that's the real joke here. Good on you for seeing the big picture."
Do these roles about parenting sound familiar?
Childish Things Are Too Girly
"Real men don't take their kids trick or treating is one that I heard recently."
"Related. Guys who brag about not changing diapers, not playing 'girly' games, etc. Essentially guys who brag that their only contribution to fatherhood is money and masculine things like fishing or football. Even then some of them brag about not paying a lot of child support to prove they didn't let the system take advantage of them."
"I can't imagine a life so empty my only accomplishment worth bragging about was being a terrible parent."
This Woman's Work
"I was told that taking care of my kids is woman's work. Apparently it's concerning that I try to spend so much of my free time with them. Oddly enough the meatheads at my grappling club think it's sweet I occasionally have my daughters' hair clips on and nails painted."
People discussed rules in the bedroom.
"That a man is turned off when their wife/girlfriend seduces them, because if she wants sex and shows it she is a sl*t, also making the man the submissive one…"
"Not the whole community, but was cuddling with a guy once and could tell he was trying not to get emotional over something that was bothering him. He said, quite literally, 'it's not alpha male behaviour.' I told him that I liked that he showed emotions sometimes, and he looked disgusted by the fact that I pointed it out."
In high school, a classmate who was on the football team said I was a "sissy" for listening to classical music.
The other classmates laughed at me, which was hardly surprising since all of the guys on our unbeatable football team were considered stars on campus.
This kind of mockery was a typical day for me.
I can laugh at their idiotic comments now but back then, I don't know why I ever let them get under my skin.
Reddit user MisterChiTown92 asked: 'What did you buy with your first ever work paycheck?'
Working a first job is an important part of growing up.
Whether it's working a paper route (do kids even do this anymore?) or working at a video rental store (do those even exist anymore?) first-ever part-time jobs establish important life values and lessons to the youth.
Also, there's nothing that validates accomplishment at a young age more than being able to buy something with their hard-earned money.
Curious to hear examples of this, Redditor MisterChiTown92 asked:
"What did you buy with your first ever work paycheck?"
These generous Redditors found value in paying it forward.
Dinner's On Me
"It was 1976, I was making a whopping $2.50/hour at age 16 (20 cents higher than minimum wage, and it was an office job so I wasn't on my feet all day)....my family didn't have a lot of money (which is why I started working while in the 11th grade), so with my first paycheck I took my Mom and brothers out to dinner at Big Boy. I remember being all proud to say 'Get whatever you want, even the combo meal and a milkshake, it's on me."'
"I took my mom out to a fancy French restaurant. I had no idea how much it was going to cost, then plus tip, I didn’t even have enough! So she had to help me pay the rest. My mom still joke about that from time to time when we go out with the family."
"That was almost 25 yrs ago, damn time flew by."
Gift For Mom
"I bought my mother a beautiful shawl. I never saw her wear it but it was in with her things when she died nearly 50 years later."
These Redditors got to reward themselves with the things they enjoy most.
"About twenty bucks of my first paper route earnings, for the pizza buffet and soft drinks, and some arcade games, with my best friend."
"While the shape I've been in has varied over the years, I've kept that stamina I built up hauling around damn near my weight in newsprint. For long endurance rides, hikes with a loaded-up pack, and running."
Brand New Kicks
"I was 14 and got a job as a bus boy at a local BBQ joint. With my first check, I went and bought myself a pair of blue/brown Airwalk shoes. I remember how cool it felt to be able to buy something for myself and not have to ask my parents."
Scoring Big Time
"A Playstation 2. Excellent buy, kept it for a over decade before buying an Xbox One."
"It was an Xbox 360 for me. Loved that console."
"Still have a modded PS2. Had a hard drive with games on it too. It still turns on last I checked, I wonder if the hard drive still works..."
A Timeless Treasure
"My family owned a construction business, and my father had me on site for as long as I could remember. I don't remember the first thing I ever bought with what he paid me, but I remember the first thing I set out to buy and had to work for weeks to get the money for. It was a Lego castle set. $49. I'm almost 50 now, and I still have it."
"lol I bought a candy g-string so I could eat it off of my girlfriend while she was wearing it, and a black cowboy hat with spikes on it from Hot Topic hahaha"
Some recalled having to prioritize taking care of business over indulgences.
"gasoline and insurance to continue to be able to go to work."
"I remember getting my first paycheck being so proud of it and my stepfather goes wow you don't have enough for gas. How are you getting to work for the next two weeks? Made me realize I needed to work more."
"I should also put in here that this was my first on the books paycheck. Made it feel a little different."
Saving Up For Wheels
"Used to mow lawns and do odd jobs for cash when I was a kid. When I got my first 'real' paycheck that I had to cash at a bank, I saved every penny for several months until I bought my first car at age 16."
"Had zero expenses back then, which made it easy to save money. Fun memory."
Building A Wardrobe
"I had to start working at the age of 12 because my parents could no longer afford to buy clothes for me."
I worked at a video game store in the mall when I was 15.
I was miserable being stuck behind a counter in a tiny corner store with hardly any adequate air circulation. Working with a personality-clashing co-worker didn't help things either.
But when I got my first paycheck, I remember thinking it was a major milestone and reward for enduring the unpleasant work conditions.
I used my first-ever earnings on a denim jacket from the Gap at the mall where I worked. I wore that stone-washed jacket with pride at school for years.
What was your most prized purchase from your first paycheck?
Weddings are built up to be magical events heralding a happily ever after for the newly minted spouses.
But like any major life event, a lot can go wrong.
Weather, illness, natural disasters, relationship drama, family squabbles... you name it and someone, somewhere has seen it at a wedding.
Reddit user Professional-Owl-341 asked:
"What’s the most WTF thing you’ve ever seen happen at a wedding?"
Not Sister Wives
"My aunt was a justice of the peace and officiated a wedding where seven women were wearing bridal dresses. Not white dresses, full on wedding dresses with accessories."
"Turned out the bride was very shy and hated to be the center of attention, but also wanted to wear a bridal gown for her groom."
"Her friends promised to wear their bridal gowns if she would wear one, and so they all did."
"The 'you may kiss the bride' the groom practically swallowed the bride’s face and it lasted a good eight to ten seconds."
"It was her second marriage, his fourth.
"It was so cringy."
"Bride’s mother pulled a gun on the groom prior to the wedding starting."
"For some reason the wedding got cancelled."
Games People Play
"Male stripper in a leopard print thong was hired to provide entertainment at the wedding I was attending."
"Nobody paid any attention to him or tipped him. He got bored and sat by the buffet tables."
"I felt sorry for him and joined him for the remainder of the reception. We played many games of Tic-Tac-Toe."
"I was 6 years old."
"I attended a wedding reception where the wait staff started to become generally distracting during dinner...they were sweeping the floors, spraying windows, creating more of a mess than anything."
"They would ask guests to move, interrupting their conversations and meal. They would clear away bottles of wine and champagne that hadn't been finished, then quickly bring another, just to grab it away again."
"One of the waiters even sat down and poured himself a drink. It was confusing and a bit appalling, but not as much as it was amusing.
"Turns out, they were the hired entertainment!"
"It created quite a buzz of conversation once we had all processed what was happening. I've never seen anything else like it."
"I sprinted full speed and slid along the ground to beat about thirty women to where the bouquet landed once."
"I was a 6-year-old boy, and didn't get the concept of the bouquet toss."
"I was at a wedding in my early 20s where we ALL stepped out of the way of the bouquet and it landed on the floor."
"We all looked around at each other, then the maid of honor picked it up and handed it to the girl with the long-term boyfriend."
"She reluctantly took it."
"After the toast the bride said she had a surprise for everyone and started playing a video."
"They got married a year ago in secret and only 2 people there knew about it and kept it a secret from everyone."
"Even the parents didn't know."
"At the end of the video the bride turns to the camera and said 'Surprise bitches, you are at our 1 year anniversary!'."
"It was followed by a lot of screaming and yelling 'WTF!'."
"It didn't ruin the wedding or anything—it was kind of funny and shocking."
"Heard one of the groomsmen complaining in a jokey manner that they owed him money for the suit since it was not a real wedding."
"Anyone that knew the bride knows she love play pranks—everyone knew it was her idea."
"Maid of honor did a wide receiver dive trying to catch the bouquet and went right through the wedding cake."
"Groom got up during the reception to announce that they (both 18 yrs old) were already expecting a child."
"They had purposefully gotten pregnant so their parents would have to let them get married and the very religious parents were very ashamed and trying to keep it a secret."
"But after the groom so loudly announced it to everyone else, a brawl broke out between the families, each accusing the other's kid of entrapping the other."
"Definitely couldn't be their smothering and oppressive religious expectations that turned what would have likely just been teens having their first experiments with young love into forbidden fruit."
"If left alone, it likely would have eventually run its course like how most of our relationships do at that age."
"But no, had to be a scheming trollop anchoring down their precious baby boy or that scheming manipulative horn dog who ruined their promising young woman."
"They wanted their German shepherd in the wedding."
"He walked down by the bride and took a dump."
"My dog peed on the flowers at the end of the altar."
"I was bummed I missed it and the photographers didn’t get pictures."
"It would’ve been hilarious to see."
"Attended a wedding where they had hired private security to ensure the bride's father and stepmom wouldn't come in and disrupt everything."
"After security blocked them from going in I guess they decided to get drunk in the car. They then came back and proceeded to beat the security guards up with their empty liquor bottles."
"Before the wedding I overheard the groom's family calling the bride paranoid and selfish, and that she should have invited her dad."
"Obviously, they had never met him before..."
"At the reception the best man and groom were drunk and started fighting. Cops were called and the groom decided he would win a fight with the 6 foot 5 state trooper."
"They had to hog tie him after he kicked two other officers."
"I was the photographer doing a favor for a friend. I got some of it in pictures."
"It was dark out and the trooper gave me a look after the third flash so I stopped. Only one came out clear."
"I mentioned them to my buddy later that I had them and he asked to let him see. He laughed and they added them to the wedding album."
The weddings I've attended seem very tame in comparison.
Have you ever been to a wedding with a WTF moment?
Growing up we used a can opener, toaster and hand mixer that my Mother received as wedding gifts. She was married in 1966 and those small appliances were still working well into the 1990s.
When Mum sold her house and downsized, she decided to get new small appliances that matched. The old but still functioning ones were avocado green, stainless and harvest gold.
Since then I've gone through countless electric can openers, toasters and hand mixers and none worked as well or as long as those ones from the 1960s.
The ones with moving parts don't have the same power as the old ones and the toasters all lose heating coils in just a few years.
My complaints about small appliances are mirrored by many.
Reddit user Texasraised420 asked:
"What is the best example of ‘they don’t make ‘em like they used to’?"
"Boots, specifically Doc Martens."
"They used to be made as actual worker's boots and were very sturdy, could last you decades."
"Now even the leather ones still somehow get holes in them."
"They were better quality boots until about a decade ago, and now they're just trash."
"Not repairable, terrible quality leather, plastic finish."
"The old grey bricks that you saw 20 years ago in every office that connect via the old parallel printer port were amazing workhorses."
"Anything from the last 15 years is the epitome of cheap garbage."
"In 2001 or 2002, I got a pair of pajama pants from Walgreens, of all places."
"I wore them pretty regularly for around 15 years and finally threw them out due to them getting threadbare are forming a few holes near the knees. All the seams were mostly still fine."
"The pair I got to replace them began tearing at the seams after six months. Like, not just the seams ripping, but the FABRIC ripping near the seams."
"Cobblers weren't as niche of a profession in the past as they are now... all shoes were repairable."
"Now you need to buy expensive, heritage shoes for them to be worth repairing."
"Otherwise you're happy if they last 2 years."
"They used to say 'the show starts at the sidewalk' and dazzle patrons with unique architecture meant to transport them to another world, with neon and statues and murals and more; sensational displays and activities to promote different movies; constant diligent attention to the picture and sound; and 'complete presentations' packed with the feature film plus shorts, organ music, a prize giveaway, and sometimes even a live stage show."
"It's tough to understand the extent of this style of showmanship because even the 'nice historic theater' that survives in many towns and cities was often a low- or mid-tier example in its prime, and very few places have the resources to offer all the trimmings even if they wanted to."
"Instead, now it seems many theaters are just dirty shoeboxes with a high schooler trying to do their best to ensure a fair presentation on 10 screens, there are 20 minutes of previews, and you're hustled out before the credits are over—but at least there are recliners?"
"I've gone through about a half dozen refrigerators in my adult lifetime—all built after 2000—and none lasted more than five years."
"But the one my parents had in the basement was older than God and ran no matter what we did to it."
"It was the size of a small car, weighed as much, and apparently was armor plated."
"Pretty sure it would have laughed at any gun we owned."
"In 2018, my family's old fridge finally gave up after 59 years of service."
"In that time, it never broke down."
"Earlier this year, the replacement fridge we bought broke down."
"59 years versus 5 years."
"The new ones chip and scratch so easy."
"You can find people with ones from the 60's that they still use."
"I feel like jeans aren't made as well as they once were."
"When I was younger a pair of jeans were sturdy and would last 2 years at the minimum."
"Now I'm lucky if I get a year without them getting ratty, plus the material is thin and flimsy as f*ck."
"The kind of chocolate you give out at Halloween."
"When I was younger Snickers and Reeses and all of that type of stuff was delicious."
"Now it just taste like manufactured plastic."
"All the interior parts used to be metal. My mom's 50 year old machine (Kenmore) is still going."
"My 20 yearokld machine is a f*cking tank (Husqvarna)."
"New ones wear out so stupid quick. Even the new Husqvarnas aren't nearly as good as mine and they're still stupid expensive."
"I spent $800 on mine, but I got an $800 machine, ya feel me?"
"A repair technician told me that the new HE washers are meant to last about 7 years."
"It’s literally a metal tube that agitates clothes and soapy water at various speeds."
"And why would an $800 circuit board give out so quickly?
"Meanwhile, my parents’ Kenmore from 1987 is still going strong."
"I've gotten very good at repairing our mid-80s Kennmore dryer via YouTube videos and Amazon replacement parts."
"Neighbors up the way have been through 2 HE dryers in the past 10 years."
"I’m on my 3rd since buying a house in early 2018."
"Everything is made to break."
"Video games, at least in some respect."
"It feels so common nowadays for games to be released in an unfinished, unacceptably buggy state because companies want to rush it out. They know people will buy it, and they can just finish it later."
"Plus there's still the issue of DLC that feels like 15-ish years ago would have been a part of the base game. Now you gotta cough up extra money for it."
"And the preorder bonuses and different editions that can come with different preorder bonuses."
"Either with a super omega deluxe version that's twice the cost of the game and comes with everything, or the lack thereof so you can't possibly get all the content being offered."
I switched to manual can openers about a decade ago, but now even those don't last.
Pull tops are my friend now.
What things do you think were better in the past?
Money is tight for many people.
But sometimes paying more is better than pinching pennies.
Reddit user sir_nams asked:
"What is an item you spent way too much money on but have no regrets buying?"
"I pay a lot as my mortgage, but every time I come into the house the immense peace I feel is just under the roof."
"My friends are worried why I stay in the house too much and I keep on telling them I’m fine, I’m just enjoying my house."
"Investing in more expensive clothing that doesn’t fall apart in a year."
"Not an item, but a trip to Alaska this summer."
"I never sat down and added everything up, but I probably spent about $3,000 on a 10-day trip (solo)."
"But it was an incredible trip, worth every dollar."
"My kid’s therapist."
"She’s the head of the practice, and came highly, highly recommended. And she costs a goddamn arm and a leg."
"However, my kid is thriving."
"Do I wish she was less expensive? Of course!"
"Would I dream of switching her out for someone new? Not on your life."
"My new TemperPedic king bed."
"By God was it expensive but I’ve never slept better!"
"She's almost 7 and since I got her she's either wearing my money, chewing my money, or eating my money."
"Don't regret it one bit."
"A quality desk chair."
"Working from home, I spend more time in the chair than in bed."
"Paid about the cost of a mattress for my chair and have zero regret."
"At a certain point I just said, 'it’s only money, I can make more. But I can’t get back those days I lost being with him, and I miss those days and chances to be happy more than I miss the money'.”
"My recent trip to Japan. I've been wanting to go since I was at school (I'm 40 now), and after saving most of my adult life, I finally managed to go."
"I've never spent that much money on anything. Even though I've been dreaming about it and building it up in my head my whole life, it still far exceeded my expectations."
"Absolutely no regrets."
"Toto toilet with Toto washlet (electric bidet)."
"Having straight teeth for the first time in my life in my 40s? Priceless."
"The cats I had when I was younger, I got for free. Got spayed/neutered at low income clinics, then it was food and litter."
I got kittens several years back from a shelter. Expensive city, so even shelter kittens are a couple hundred dollars each."
"And they were absolutely worth every penny. Every vet appointment, every emergency appointment, toys, high quality food."
"I would give them even more if I could."
"I bought a pair of New Balance shoes for $240."
"They are the most comfortable shoes I've ever worn and owned. My wife is getting sick of the weird noises and constant 'Man these shoes are comfortable!' whenever I wear them."
"One time I decided not to go to a party because after 9 PM there was a $10 cover and I wasn’t gonna be able to make it before then."
"While walking back to my apartment I noticed an art opening. I went in and fell in love with the artist’s work."
"I bought a $500 painting on the spot. This was a huge amount of money for me at the time, the most I had ever spent on one single thing."
"Not sure what came over me, but I still love the painting."
"Many years ago I decided to do a family photo shoot. I BEGGED my sister to do it with us, said I'd pay for her family's separate ones also."
"She refused, it wasn't convenient for her husband. It included my dogs, my mom, and my husband."
"My thoughts were we've never done them and mom wouldn't be around much longer. We did some shots of my mom with my dogs (who she loved) and us as a whole."
"About two months later my husband died unexpectedly. About a year later my mom was diagnosed with cancer and my sister's husband died unexpectedly. My dogs gave my mom happiness in her last days."
"My lesson was, it is 100000% worth doing it because you never know if tomorrow will come or not."
What expensive purchase have you made that you’ll never regret?