The Exact Moment People Realized Their Significant Other Was Toxic
Reddit user BlackenSphinx asked: 'What did your partner say or do that made you realize that they were a toxic person?'
Content Warning: Toxic Behavior
As much as we might like to hope otherwise, not all relationships are meant to work out.
Not only are some couples not meant to be, but sometimes there are super valid reasons for a relationship to end beyond simply not being compatible, like toxic behaviors.
But a significant other being toxic will not be obvious upon first meeting them or going on a first date with them. Otherwise, we never would have dated them in the first place.
Redditor BlackenSphinx asked:
"What did your partner say or do that made you realize that they were a toxic person?"
Actions Speak Louder Than Words
"When they kept apologizing for the same thing, then doing it anyway, never changing for the past 10 years."
"My wife got a quote from a teacher that we've tried to instill in our kids:"
"'Saying sorry means not doing it again.'"
"Obviously, accidents aren't included, but yeah when you hurt someone and apologize, don't do that thing again."
A New Kind of Arranged Marriage
"Lots of things, but I think probably the worst and most impactful was when she peed on a stick for her friend while she was pregnant."
"Her friend then convinced her boyfriend to marry her. They were divorced several years later, after what I can only assume was an absolutely awful marriage."
"'Nobody as good looking as me will ever love your personality.'"
"Ugh, that's the kind of s**t I'd think about and let eat me away for YEARS."
In Sickness and In Health
"I was at a party with my ex-wife and someone brought out a newspaper with headlines about a local official being in an accident and being paralyzed."
"My ex-wife, without hesitation, said, 'If that happened to my husband, I would be out of here.'"
"My biggest motivator of leaving an ex was that I couldn’t see him taking care of me if something were to happen to me."
Children Come First
"This one is minor, but I had an ex who wanted to buy her daughter some new shoes. We were at an outlet mall and they had a BOGO (Buy One, Get One Free) sale."
"She found a cute pair for herself but was having trouble finding a pair for her daughter."
"I love being helpful and found a pair that fit her daughter's personality to a T."
"But she wouldn't buy them because they were $5 more expensive than the pair she was getting for herself."
"Both were combined under $50, and she wasn't hurting for cash. She just refused to spend more on her daughter than on herself out of principle."
"This one reallyyyyy irritates me. She sounds like the kind of 'parent' who wouldn't give up a meal to make sure their baby ate if it came down to it."
"As someone who has to make that decision nearly every day... my baby eats, even if I don't. Always."
The Silent Treatment
"We weren't living together, but he randomly cut me off for like a full week. He wouldn't answer my texts or anything. We were long-distance (different colleges halfway across the country) so I couldn't, like, go check on him."
"Anyway, he finally comes back and tells me it was a punishment for not being interesting enough. He liked me because I was an intellectual who would have Deep Conversations (tm) with him and I'd been talking too much about things he didn't find interesting."
"I dumped him shortly after and he acted like it came out of nowhere."
"He criticized everybody. He was mean about his family, his friends, and his colleagues. It seemed very small at first, I knew he was depressed and so was naturally more cynical and had a low view of himself, but he'd laugh and joke with friends on the phone or in person for hours and then the minute they were gone... Awful."
"I rationalized it for too long and then realized it would be the same about me. Then convinced myself it wouldn't be because he always hyped me up... Until I heard it."
"He played the victim so, so well. Scary, really."
Ableism at Its Finest
"I had an ex say. 'What could you possibly be depressed about?'"
"I was an id**t and stayed with her for three more years after that."
Not Over Their Ex
"He slept with his ex frequently for six months... in the house that I bought us... in my childhood bed that I took with me from home... all whilst I was at work."
"He was changing over phones from an old school brick type to an iPhone. He went out to work and his old phone kept buzzing. I saw a very familiar name pop up…"
"He told me that she was crazy and they weren’t in contact as she was obsessed with him (Red flag, I know). There are some things I read that I wish I could erase from my memory."
"When everything was out in the open, she began bullying me online about it."
"We were engaged. as well. Lucky I found out before we got married!"
Different Definitions of "Cheating"
"She cheated on me with a Yankees player because I 'cheated on her first.'"
"How did I cheat? By going to her favorite burger spot without her while she was having sushi with her girlfriends."
"I found out she cheated with three other guys too."
"Somehow the most venom in this story came from 'a Yankee player,' lol (laughing out loud)."
"I'm guessing he's either a Mets or Red Sox fan."
Gone with the Rose-Colored Glasses
"It wasn't so much what he was saying but the action he did about it."
"He used to tell me all the time that I should get contact lenses because he wanted to see what I looked like without glasses."
"I need glasses full time to see because I have an extremely bad prescription and astigmatism. They're both very high and it's impossible to see without glasses. If I take my glasses off, I can't even find them so I have to make sure I know exactly where I set them."
"One day out of town for a large event we had been planning to attend for over a year, he hid my glasses and acted like he couldn't find them."
"I had NEVER had glasses just disappear. It might take me a while to find them, but if I have someone else around me, it's usually somewhere obvious."
"I figured, 'Oh, that's okay, I have prescription sunglasses on me, as well; I'll just wear sunglasses for the event.' I asked him to pull them out of my bag as they were in a zip glass case, I know for a fact they are in there because I switched them out after arriving at the hotel."
"He pulled out the case and tried to tell me they weren't in there and that I must have dropped them somewhere."
"I begged him to help me search the hotel, I called downstairs, I had staff members helping me search, and I was in the lobby on my hands and knees feeling around trying to find them."
"He was busy getting ready upstairs and told me to just go to the event without them; I'll be fine."
"I absolutely refuse to leave without my glasses. I told him to go have a good time but I'm not leaving the hotel room and going into a crowded strange place in a strange city being unable to see."
"Well suddenly, right before we're about to leave, he pretended he found my glasses and they were just sitting on the bathroom counter the whole time. As if I didn't search every single inch and feel around every inch of that vanity."
"After some crying, he admitted that he hid both of my glasses because he just wanted me to see that it's not so bad and that if I just go without them for a little while my eyes will adjust and I'll be able to see fine."
Silence to the Extreme
"I had a girlfriend who got mad at me, and I had no idea why. For three days, she would call, say nothing, and if I hung up, she would call back."
"I turned off my phone, and she'd call my parents or show up at my house (in high school still living with my parents). This went on for three days. I basically didn't sleep."
"I was a senior and still in school, and she had graduated the year before. On the third night, she yelled at me for keeping her up, and it was the end of the fight."
"The next day, I asked what I did. She said nothing she was just angry and wanted to fight."
"It took me going to college and her finding some other poor sap to torture to finally get away from her. I was young and naive, and now know I should have involved a court order and police."
"It was h**l. But from it, I ended up with my now wife, and without that h**l, I would not be where I am today, which is something I would never change."
The Most Controlling of the Controlling
"She yelled at me for wanting to talk to my family after she and my dad had a minor argument. She also blocked my old friends, family, and coworkers in my phone while I slept."
"Throw the whole girl away."
"I did that a month ago, and this has been the best month I've had in three years."
These accounts were terribly eye-opening, and they're a great reminder that a toxic relationship may not be identifiable until it's made glaringly obvious to us.
Fortunately, all of these Redditors were talking about exes, which means that they were able to move beyond these tough situations.
A Redditor asked: 'what's the best pickup line of all time?'
When it comes to flirting, everyone has their preferences of how they like to be flirted with. Some people like cleverly crafted pickup lines.
I always thought pickup lines were a cheap way to get someone's attention. That being said, there are some good ones out there. I've been on the receiving end of both. "On a scale from one to America, how free are you tonight?" and, "You must be the square root of two because I feel irrational around you."
Both got me to engage in conversation, and I even dated the guy who used the first one for a while.
I'm not the only one that knows some good pickup lines. Redditors have both heard and used some pickup lines and are eager to share their favorites.
It all started when Redditor Sauce_Dealer420 asked:
"What's the best pickup line of all time?"
Read It And See
"You put the sexy in dyslexic."
"This made me laugh so hard."
"Because I can read properly."
"This girl I used to work with and I went to a bar after work and we’re having fun, and she leans over to tell me a joke. And she says:"
"Three boy mice and a girl mouse were all stuck in a room with no doors and no windows. One of the boy mice asked the girl mouse how to get out and she said, “Sleep with me tonight, and I’ll tell you in the morning.""
"The next day, he is gone. The second boy mouse asks the girl mouse how he got out and she says, “Sleep with me tonight, and I’ll tell you in the morning.""
"Next day, he’s gone too."
"So now the girl telling me this joke says to me, “Do you want to know how the last mouse gets out of the box?”
"And I say “yes.""
"And she says, “Sleep with ME tonight, and I’ll tell you in the morning”. All this while staring me in the eyes and smiling."
"I said, “Check please bartender!!""
"I forgot to ask her in the morning, but that was the best pickup line I’ve ever heard."
"The odds we sleep together are 50% because half of us agree so far."
"Math is always super sexy."
Money, Money, Money
"Hey girl, are you the English financial system? Because I'm about to give you a weak pound."
"Yo girl, do you know exchange rates? Because Euro 10."
""Are you a magician? Cuz every time I look at you, everyone else disappears.""
"This line got me a wife and three kids. 😊"
"Are you a beaver? Cuz damn."
"If you were a fruit you'd be a fineapple."
"Hi, do you want to go for a ride on a Harley?"
"(My name is Harley) 😁"
"If I asked you for a date would the answer to that question be the same as the answer to this question?"
"I got blue screen in my head."
"You can't lose. Say no, the answer is yes. Say yes, the answer is also yes."
"Dang sounds kinda creepy writing it out like that. Still clever wordplay though."
"My go-to was always:"
"I used to be a history teacher, so I know lots of important dates. Want to help me make another one?"
"A little corny, but it usually worked."
"That one actually worked with my ex on the first try."
"-Hey, do you like water?"
"-Then you like me in 70% already."
"Would you date a complete stranger?"
"If she says “yes” you’re in."
If she says “no.”
“Then allow me to introduce myself.”"
"Once a girl came to me and told there was somebody who thought I was cute."
"I asked her who and she said “Me.""
"You have to have a handful of limes available to do this:"
"Hold the limes, drop the limes in front of the lucky person. Then say 'Sorry, I'm not very good at pick up limes.'"
"Best one that worked for me was:"
"Me: How do you like your eggs?"
"Her: Over easy, why?"
"Me: Just making sure I have things right for when I make you breakfast in the morning."
The Best Line
"How you doin?"
"There was a time when this was the ONLY line you could use!"
That line would definitely work on me!
Twenty years ago, a question about politics and dating might have elicited very different answers.
But a large part of the United States seems to be getting more radicalized and more polarized.
While two decades ago most liberal versus conservative differences in the United States were about government size or spending, now it's about who has a right to exist or have body autonomy.
Reddit user duckmysick100 asked:
"How important are your partner’s political views to you? Is it a dealbreaker if they don’t align with your own?"
"Politics? Don't really care. The way I see it is that fundamentally your partner needs to be your friend."
"I don't care what any of my friend's political beliefs are and I've gone years without even knowing the political beliefs of friends. I have friends who's political beliefs I strongly disagree with and I'm still friends with them."
"I don't care, because at the end of the day my friendships don't revolve around political action."
"Many might say I'm very privileged to be in a position where I can not care about my friends political beliefs, because it means generally speaking I believe there's unlikely to be political change that really affects me."
"I don't believe that, but maybe it's true. Maybe I am privileged in that regard."
"But y'know, that's a privilege I'll gratefully live with, because it means I can have more friends."
"If my partner were any kind of extremist who hated other people based on the political infotainment they consume, that’s a deal breaker."
"If they’re the sort of person who refuses to be friends with or interact with people 'on the other team' that’s a dealbreaker."
"Politics just isn’t all that important to me."
"There’s nothing I can do to influence it and nothing anybody else can really do, so why waste my life making it my 'big interest'?"
"And there’s no chance in hell I could survive being married to somebody who makes politics the most important thing in their life."
Not A Dealbreaker, But...
"You don't have to agree on every single issue, but you have to share a similar worldview and set of values."
"I assume there are couples who can be together regardless, but I can't imagine my significant other would see the world in a completely different light than me."
"Yeah, exactly. Politics would be like any other issue."
"If a woman in a relationship wanted four kids and the husband wanted two, you could work through that. Or land at a compromise. Or, hell, one or both changes their mind after the first kid or two. Nothing can prepare you for being a parent other than being a parent."
"Now, say the woman was dead set against ever having kids and the guy wanted as many kids as he could produce. Just two people with completely different worldviews."
"I think they don't have to be the SAME, but they can't be polar opposites."
"It’s gotta be the same ballpark."
"If I’m center you gotta be center or moderate left/right. If I’m hard left you gotta be at least left of center."
"Hard left + hard right just ain’t it."
"They can have a different idea than me on how to fix poverty (just an example) but they have to believe poverty is a problem."
"I need someone who lives in the same reality as me."
"Perfect way to describe it. My husband and I disagree about like, whether UBI is a good way to end poverty, but not whether ending poverty is a good goal."
"Political views are based on core values and, in a relationship, are an element of what I qualify as 'compatibility'."
"So no, I can't be in a long term relationship with anyone who has drastically different viewpoints."
"Some small differences around the same edge are absolutely OK and, in a mature relationship, make for enriching conversations. But fundamentally different political views—no way."
"I can be in a relationship with someone with fundamentally different political views, but those views have to be rooted in reality and there are some dealbreakers."
"Like you believe in small government...OK, I'll argue but that's fine."
"You believe we should take children from immigrants as a disincentive to immigrate here? Yeah that's going to be a dealbreaker."
"We disagree on some details, especially because of our professions—I’m a nurse and he is a manager in manufacturing. But hearing each others’ viewpoints is helpful in staying balanced regarding the things we do disagree on."
"When it comes to human rights, though, we are completely on the same page."
"And I could not be in a relationship with someone who felt differently than me in that area. We have children, and it’s important to me that we are aligned with how we raise them."
"I might support decriminalization of all drugs and creation of safe consumption sites."
"My partner might think that’s a little too far but believes the War on Drugs is poorly handled and more resources should be put toward treatment."
"That would be a-okay with me! We don’t need to be in lockstep, but clearly we’re both empathetic to addicts and think rehabilitation over punishment should be priority."
"If my partner thinks all addicts are lazy bums and they belong in jail or dead, well—we’re not going to be together long."
It's A Dealbreaker—Now
"I have a close family member who is married to someone with opposing political views, and frankly, I think it hurts their marriage."
"Obviously it's not their only issue, but it plays a role."
"Personally, I could never do it."
"Like other people have already said, it speaks to a person's core values."
"Back before politics became batsh*t, maybe that wouldn't be as much of a problem."
"Now there is not a lot of common ground unless you're on the same side."
"A Carter era Democrat and a Reagan era Republican could have at least some common ground."
"But that ship sailed thanks to Australian media tycoons and AM radio fear mongers."
"I have a friend whose husband came out strong for a certain presidential candidate simply because he rumored to be a great businessman. He refused to listen to any negative info like, say, how racist or sexist the guy was, because 'he’ll be great for the economy!'."
"My friend makes a point of carefully studying issues and candidates and she was certain there were dealbreakers about this presidential candidate for her husband if he would only take the time to learn. But he refused."
"He normally likes a good discussion so it was weird. She ended up on antidepressants because it really changed how she saw her spouse."
"January 6 opened his eyes a bit, but he still seems to be leaning a lot more to the right than she ever expected. And this suggests their values are moving father apart."
"It’s definitely taking a toll on their marriage."
"Believe me, she’s thinking hard. It’s tough because they’ve been together almost 40 years and it’s like suddenly she’s on Planet B."
"I have lost a lot of respect for people who, though seemly intelligent and thoughtful, supported the crazies in a certain political party."
"They are doing real damage to our society."
"Why would I want to date one?"
"There is a certain political individual that if I found out my partner supported him, I honestly would feel the need for a breakup."
"Our core values would be so far apart that a relationship would be impossible."
"Most other politicians would cause me to groan or roll my eyes."
"This man served as a filter on dating apps. Anyone who liked this guy was an immediate skip."
It's Always Been A Dealbreaker
"It is extremely important. I can’t be with someone who doesn’t share my values."
"For example, when Covid hit, my spouse and I were 100% on the same page about how we would handle our safety, masks, vaccines etc... even though we had never discussed what we’d do in a global pandemic."
"But we agreed because we shared values."
"I watched many of my friends’ marriages struggle because the pandemic revealed their ideological differences."
"Politics are not theoretical. They affect your life in ways you can never anticipate."
"Some people seem to treat politics like sports, like it's separate from reality and doesn't really matter which 'team' you support."
"Getting along with someone despite supporting opposing sports teams, or having different tastes in music or movies, or whatever—that makes sense."
"The winner of an election, though, can have immense impact on what happens in the 'real world' when compared to who wins the Super Bowl / World Cup / Other Notable Sports Event."
Only a handful of Redditors said politics was a non-issue.
But they also said they'd refuse to date anyone who thought politics were important in relationships or even friendships.
But the overwhelming majority felt political differences in the current climate would make a relationship a no-go.
What do you think?
Let's be honest: It's 2023, and times are pretty hard for most of us. We're all just out here, trying to do our best.
But while our instincts sometimes really save our butts, there are other times that our curiosity and impulses might get carried away.
In fact, they might get so carried away, we might find ourselves in some deep, deep trouble.
Redditor Mr_Manta asked:
"How has morbid curiosity screwed you over?"
A Troubling Find
"I found a human femur when I was a teenager and decided to take it home and hide it so I could inspect it."
"I was on exchange in Spain at the time. I didn’t know what to do with it after I brought it home, so like an id**t, I put it in my luggage five weeks later when I flew back home to my family."
"Airport security and I had really, really, really, really, really long talk."
"Edit: To answer all your questions, my friend and I had taken a walk to some cemetery in a roadside town. The population was 81. We thought the town had been abandoned, by the looks of it. We were dumb kids."
"We went to the cemetery and into some abandoned mausoleum. In it were So. Many. Bones. I grabbed a femur cause I was a 15-year-old who loved biology. I took it. That wasn’t cool."
What in the Pink Floyd...
"I Googled my estranged father's name and found out he died of an overdose, and they turned his cremains into a brick for a homeless memorial wall."
Not a Smart Google Search
"I once Googled Jeffrey Dahmer's apartment. I wanted to see his furniture and stuff. That is NOT what I saw..."
Emergency Medical Technician Troubles
"I work as an EMT, a young EMT so obviously, I’m curious when someone says someone is dead."
"If you are a new EMT, don’t be curious; there isn’t anything good to see just major trauma."
Accidental Pepper Spray
"I thought this cool lighter was on a keychain, so I pressed the button. Turns out that cool lighter was pepper spray."
The Horrors of Fire
"From the news: 'The Station nightclub fire occurred on the evening of February 20, 2003, at The Station, a nightclub and hard rock music venue in West Warwick, Rhode Island, United States, killing 100 people and injuring 230.' During a concert by the rock band Great White, a pyrotechnic display ignited flammable acoustic foam in the walls and ceilings surrounding the stage. Within six minutes, the entire building was engulfed in flames.'"
"There is a video shot by a cameraman from a local news outlet showing the start of the fire and approximately 13 minutes of heartbreak as the fire completely engulfed the building. As he circled the building he tried to open doors and call out to let people know that there was a way out, but the smoke was incredibly thick, and all you heard was screaming."
"The part that haunts me the most was the double doors at the front of the building, where people trying to escape were piled like wood in the doorway- one on top of another - people trying to free them couldn’t and eventually had to back off because of the fire. The video ends with the cameraman breaking down as emergency services finally arrived."
The Power of Electricity
"As a kid, I knew that you needed two wires for electricity to power an appliance. So I thought it would be a cool idea to let the electricity flow freely from one hole of a power outlet to the other, so I bent a wire in a U-shape and plugged it in."
"With my bare hands. At school, I believe in first grade. 220 Volt network. There was a flash, and I got thrown back, but thought nothing of it until some teachers came running and I got a lecture or two about safety."
A Recurring Mistake
"I found a memory card at work (retail). It sat on our desk for over two weeks. One day curiosity won and I stuck it in my phone."
"Memes, pics of family, and old man and old lady intimate parts."
"Then Google surprised me a few years later because it had uploaded them to my Google Drive."
Too Close to Home
"Finding out exactly where my dad died. He died in a car accident but I was never sure quite where it happened. I stupidly looked it up and found out it was right by where I lived and even drove past that exact spot plenty of times."
"Yeah, needless to say that did me way more psychological harm than good. I couldn’t handle it. Avoid that area at all costs. My husband got a job out of state and I was happy to move there just so I couldn’t be traumatized by living by that spot anymore."
All Equal Deaths
"I killed a Rollie pollie when I was little and I still feel terrible about it."
"Opening this thread and reading is officially at the top."
Most of these entries were absolutely mortifying, and they remind us to be careful about what we're getting ourselves into, even if we're curious.
Otherwise, it can lead to terrible injuries if not terrible memories, which might even be worse, because they're so impossible to forget.
When the cat's away, the mice will play.
That scenario could apply to many situations, but it generally refers to an individual enjoying temporary freedom to do as they please in the absence of a foe or constant companion.
In romantic couplings, this may involve a spouse or significant other finally engaging in private activity that could be frowned upon in the presence of the other person.
Curious to hear examples, Redditor shaka_sulu asked:
"Married folks, what's a non-sexual thing you look forward doing at home only when your spouse is away?"
Some people are happy to take up extra space.
"Parking my car in the middle of the garage."
"Genius answer. It always brings joy."
"The quiet. My husband constantly has the TV on, even if he’s not watching, and I enjoy silence."
"This. My wife lived alone for many years and always has the TV on, even uses the one in the bedroom as noise to fall asleep to. The first thing I do when she’s gone is make sure all the noisemakers are shut off around the house. Well, except the cats. They don’t have off buttons."
"Sleeping on the diagonal."
"When you're there, I sleep lengthwise And when you're gone I sleep diagonal in my bed."
"I had a day off work today. Husband was at work, kids at school, so after I did the school run I came home, wrapped myself in our softest heated blanket, lay on the sofa and watched 3 movies with no interruptions. It was bliss."
These Redditors can finally revel in their respective indulgences when they finally have the place to themselves.
Taste In The Finer Things
"The wife is a picky eater. When she is away, I either make a meal that she doesn’t like or I go to a restaurant that she doesn’t care for."
"It’s the little things. 😂"
"I cook almost all the meals. Almost being that we occasionally get take out. When I have a day off and my husband is working and my kids are at school/daycare, I go get breakfast and Waffle House. By myself. I sit there and eat a waffle, two scrambled eggs and bacon and I DONT HAVE TO F'KING SHARE! My husband despises Waffle House, but f'k I love those waffles. My parents used to have a waffle iron that made the traditional style waffles with the tiny squares until the cord shorted out. I miss them."
"My wife is in recovery, six years sober, and I support her in every way possible including, obviously, no alcohol in the house. If she’s away for a few days, I’ll grill me some steak tacos and wash them down with a really good Cabernet."
"I’m a recovering addict and I think you’re a great husband."
"Watching TV shows he'd never watch, on the big TV."
"There isn't an ancient aliens, shows from the early 80s (chuck Norris and Jack klugman), or horror movies that he won't watch - pausing every 3 seconds in case I miss something - that WE have to watch. When he travels for work I relish the quiet. Even the weather channel is enjoyable."
"My love for my husband has no end but he has the stupidest taste in shows yet whines if I would rather deep clean the basement than deal with any of it."
"But I can only deep clean the basement so many times..."
To each his/her/their own.
"Deep cleaning and reorganizing. I know, I'm a real party."
"You are my people. The garage door is hardly down before I'm getting busy!"
"There is not one thing better in this whole world than having some alone time in my spotless house."
Everything But The Kitchen Sink
"Hike all day, get the sh**ty chinese takeout that she hates and I love despite knowing full well it’s objectively not good, and drink some nice beer while watching movies all night."
"Putting things down and having them still be there when I want them."
"Having a clean house that stays that way for more than 30 seconds. I love him, but he's just a whirlwind of plates and seltzer cans some days."
When my husband's away, I watch all the horror films that have been stacking up in the queues of my streaming platforms.
He has a weak stomach for gore and violence, so we often avoid home invasion movies or slasher flicks and instead stick to comedy, drama, or dramedies, and documentaries.
Which is all well and good.
But when I have the place all to myself, I bust out the wine and Doritos and watch the latest Halloween or Scream movies I've been missing out on.