People Who Have Been Pulled Over Share Their Wittiest Replies To Cops
No one likes to see those flashing lights in their rearview mirror. But it happens and usually when it does, you'll hear a familiar question. But have you ever wondered what the answers to that question are?
Reddit user hellomireaux asked:
Cops of Reddit, what's the best response you've heard to "Do you know why I pulled you over?"
These are some of the best responses. You may not want to try these the next time you see those flashing lights though.
Laughter Is the Best Medicine
Back in the 70's, (my dad) and a friend were speeding way too fast down a highway. Cop saw, turned on the lights, but my dad's friend didn't pull over; instead, he leaned out of the car, waved his arm, and shouted" GO AROUND YOU'VE GOT ROOM!" Apparently the cop heard it and laughed his a** off, gave my dad's friend a warning. mrfluckoff
'It's a cardigan but thanks for asking!' Niko422
Back in high school there was a night I was riding shotgun in a friend's car when he gets pulled over by Highway Patrol...
"Do you know why I pulled you over?"
"Well, I clocked you at almost 100 MPH in a 65, didn't you think that might be why?"
"I didn't know how fast I was going..."
"Why didn't you know how fast you were going?"
"I was going so fast, I was afraid that if I looked down to check my speed, I'd wreck my car."
Cop got a good laugh, gave a very stern warning, and wrote a significantly smaller ticket than my buddy otherwise would have gotten. Hateborn
My Dad told me about a time during the troubles in Northern Ireland him and his brother were in his Dad's Car. They were stopped at a military checkpoint. Soldier said to him "Is this your Car Sir?" he replied "No, its my father's." The Solider then asked "What would you call (your father-asking for his name)?" My uncle said "Daddy." He let them go. JagerbombsFTW
Is This Solicitation?
Pulled over by a cop who was gonna tell me my tailgate was down on my truck, and thus my nightstand I was carrying was gonna go flying out.
But I hadn't known this. So when he pulls me over, he decided to ask me the infamous question.
To which my smart a** responded: "Because I'm hauling a one night stand that you wanted to be a part of?" And gave a cheesy grin. Zack4568
My uncle lives in a small town in South Carolina, where he makes a 25 minute commute to work, everyday, passing a regional airport. One day he was passing it when a plane started taking off. For whatever reason, he decided to see who was faster, the plane or his '91 Toyota Tacoma. He takes off for a solid 200 yards, then starts to slow back down. Looks in his rearview to blue lights. Cop pulls him over, license and registration, yada-yada, the cop then asks 'Mr. Williams, could you tell me why you were going 15 over the speed limit?' He replies: 'See that plane taking off up there? I was racing it.' The cop looks at the plane, then at him, back at the plane, then back at him with a puzzled look, and finally says: 'You have a good one Mr. Williams.' hops in the car and leaves. MantisTobogganMD28
In 30 Minutes or Less
There was a narrow, dark, two lane road with a 35mph limit.
I clocked a car going 95.
I stopped it. It was a 16 year old girl delivering Dominoes pizza.
She was 100% calm and composed when she asked: "Is there a problem officer?"
Still got a ticket, but insta-respect and lulz. affenhitze
Not Even 1 Traffic Light
We come from a country town with no traffic lights so one time (my dad) got pulled over in the city for running a red light, he told the officer 'sorry I'm just not used to traffic lights I'm from [insert name of town]' and apparently the cop laughed and let him go on his way. itslucy99
No, I Don't Know
I was in the car with my daughter when she got pulled (over) a little while back. When he asked her if she knew why he had pulled her (over), her response--which got a laugh, but didn't get her out of the ticket--was, "Not really, but I have a sneaking suspicion that you're gonna tell me." UncleJay74
I (Also) Don't Know
The one and only time I was pulled over I had no idea why. So that's what I said, "I don't know". Turns out I was speeding without meaning to because the signs were confusing.
Basically it was a construction zone and it said speed was 55 or whatever. Then there was a sign that said "end construction, resume normal speed" so I did. Except apparently the construction zone wasn't "over" despite the signs. Which I explained to the cop. I said, "I know I was speeding then, technically, but the signs tell you to resume normal speed back there but if you give me a ticket I won't argue about it." So he leaves for about ten minutes and comes back and says, "I know what you're talking about they need to fix that. Just keep it slow if you see construction gear on the road." No ticket and left.
I was glad because I was going 70 (This was on a toll road so that was the normal speed limit) but it could have been double the fines. Thank God the cop agreed the signs were confusing. GingerSnoop
Cop: "Do you know why I pulled you over"
Me: "Because you're a cop" BrostFyte
Body of Evidence
If I had guts, I would say: "Have you found the body?" But I don't.
My mom did something like that when she got pulled over. She had just finished putting in a bush for my grandmother and threw the muddy shovel in the back. She got pulled over for speeding and when the cop came to the window and saw the shovel her asked her. "Ma'am, where are you coming from". She saw him look back at the shovel when he said that and she told him. "I just got done hiding the body!" and she started cackling. The cop without even cracking a smirk just told her that he hopes she buried it deep enough and walked back to his cruiser. DarthFikus Chopperjr
Take a Breath
Got pulled in for a routine breathaliser test as there was football the night before and a lot of people would've been drinking. He asks me if I had been drinking last night, and I said yes. I had six shandy's (half lager, half lemonade). I can see him thinking of how good this arrest would be on paper, so I blow in the tube and the reading comes back as negative - no alcohol in my system. He said it's clear, and I said "I should hope so, it said it was non-alcoholic on the cans".
He wasn't happy. sgtBerbatov
Officer: You were driving far too fast for the conditions sir! What would you do if Mr. Fog came along?
Sarcastic Driver: I suppose I would press Mr. Brake and slow down.
Officer: I said "Mist or Fog" you a**hat. Creabhain
Get Me to the Church on Time
Not me but a family friend. He was going 100km in a 50 or 60km zone. Cop asked him why he was going so fast. He was supposed to bring the guest book for a wedding and left it at home. He was on his way back to the wedding with it. Cop let him off with a warning, but only after she signed the guest book. Rallings
Was with my grandpa in his truck. He was caught doing 25km over the limit (105 in a 80) cop asked him "why were you going 105 in a 80 zone sir" his response? "Because I'm a idiot" kablah1
True Confessions, Part 2
Went through a straight red light while the advanced turn-left green was on. A cop beside me and behind me. Halfway through the intersection I realised what I did and pulled myself over on the next block and waited for them to pull up beside me.
"You have anything to drink tonight?"
"No, I am just an idiot."
"Have a good night." JibberGXP
I was in the vehicle when an acquaintance got pulled over. This kid was about 21, really nervous, and when the police officer asked for ID he accidentally handed the cop his credit card.
The police officer, without changing his stern expression or missing a beat, leaned forward and said "Sorry son, but we don't take Visa. Have you been drinking?". throwawaytrumper
Better Dead Than...
I was pulled over earlier this year for going 48 in a 35 down one of the main roads here. It was my 30 minute lunch break and I had about 3 minutes left of it.
"Any particular reason you're speeding sir?"
"Yea sorry, I'm about to be late for work."
"Well sir, would work rather you be late or dead?"
"Probably dead, it's an (acceptable) excuse."
Got a laugh and a warning. Toogoode1019
Lady I knew told me she argued with the cop that she knew the speed limits better than him. She told the cop he pulled her over because she was driving too fast. Cop says yes, got you doing 40 in a 30 zone. She said she was going 45 and knew the road was 25 because she lived there her whole life. The cop wrote it all down and have her a ticket. FreeTurtleMarket
"Do you know why I pulled you over?"
"Because I let you." Ruler_of_thumbs
People Break Down The Most Beautiful Places To Visit In The United States
America the beautiful.
So much to see. So much to experience.
Just because we don't have exotic oceans and ancient history doesn't mean there isn't majesty to take in.
There are many vacations to put together.
And now we don't have to use a paper map to plan.
Our apps and GPS have it all planned out.
Redditor driedkitten wanted to compare notes about the greatest ways to see the USA, so they asked:
"Where is the most beautiful place in the United States?"
So far the cliffs of California is my favorite part of the US.
The Fallsniagara falls GIFGiphy
"Subjective of course, but Crater Lake is certainly a sight to behold."
"My home state of Oregon is full of beautiful places, South Umpqua falls, Illinois River, and Multnomah falls. Are some favorites."
"A tie for Acadia, Hoh rainforest, and Rainier in the fall."
"I was going to say Acadia. It's very underrated for some reason. My mom's friend by coincidence ended up being my English professor in college and we went on a trip to see family in ME. We stopped at Acadia for a day and she said it reminded her a lot of her visit to Greece."
"Hoh rainforest is absolutely devastatingly beautiful. Hiked the whole Hoh river trail when I was 17 and it's still near the top of the list for my favorite things I've ever done."
"Glacier national park. I was continuously in awe that the place was real life."
"The vistas of this road, on a motorcycle, were beyond breathtaking to experience. Would 100% do it again. Being on a bike allowed for stops at the waterfalls where there was no room for vehicles to pull over, and the views from the tunnels under the road were supernatural."
The Road Ahead
"There is a stretch of the Navajo reservation where there is no cell service, AM or FM radio reception. The road stretches before you for miles surrounded by red rocks touching blue sky. The buzzing undercurrent of modern connectivity fades away and your brain can be truly still."
"We did a little unscheduled off-roading in that area when we came to a road closed barrier. A Navajo couple pulled up alongside us while we pondered the dirt road heading roughly in the direction we wanted to go and assured us it was passable. Really lonely place... but wonderful."
On a Clear DayMountain GIF by Sunshine VillageGiphy
"If I stand right at the doorjamb of my front door on a clear day, I have a beautiful view. I owned this house for 15 years before I figured that out. You can't see it from any other position in the doorway, or if you're outside."
Mountains are hot. That is all.
See the CountryHappy Dance GIF by PLAYMOBILGiphy
"Depends on what you’re looking for. The United States is a big place."
"For me - Hawaii is hard to beat."
"Zion National Park is the most well-known place in Utah. But my entire state is an outdoorsman's paradise. LOTs of beautiful scenery in both the northern and southern parts of the state."
"Totally!!! And it’s very different. I personally prefer Southern Utah because the red rocks make me feel like I’m on Mars. But I grew up in the salt lake valley, so the mountains lost a lot of their majesty. But if I’m being honest, I miss them terribly."
Smell the old growth
"I’m incredibly biased, but the most beautiful place is the California redwoods. Drive up 101, and then detour towards Petrolia. There is absolutely nothing like it. Roll down your windows and drive 35mph. Smell the old growth. Stop at the pull out. Take a small hike. It’s worth it."
"Yes, 100%. My brother lives in McKinleyville and I am going to see him the end of April. Can't wait. It's my happy place. They are like the Grand Canyon and Niagara Falls... you have to see them to believe them. Those redwoods are something else!"
"Yosemite! You drive thru the tunnel and come out the other side. Looks like heaven/Utopia."
"Did a hike in Yosemite on January 1 last year. A spectacular way to start the year. I had seen photos of it, seen it in movies, watched countless videos on Youtube about it but -nothing- prepares you for the sight of El Cap as you turn that corner. I was very nearly moved to tears."
AmazingEpisode 1 Boat GIF by The SimpsonsGiphy
"The Shenandoah Valley. Its an amazing place if you're an outdoorsman. Hiking, fishing, hunting, bird watching, camping."
All the wonders of the world. I may have to check all of these out.
What did we miss? Let us know in the comments below.
Humans really know how to waste a buck... or millions.
We spend so much on superfluous items it's ridiculous.
Do we need ten of these?
Gym memberships can be hundreds of dollars a month yet there are DVDs and apps that show you cheaper ways to do it from home.
Life doesn't have to cost this much.
Redditor bluscorp91 wanted to hear about the things we really need to financially evaluate, so they asked:
"Which everyday item do people waste too much money on?"
I waste on takeout. I can't help it. I'm me.
Go to the FountainScared 30 Rock GIF by HULUGiphy
"If you have safe tap water witch most people in Europe, Australia, and US/Canada has you can save thousands on water. One gallon costs under a dollar from the tap, and one gallon from the store will cost 5 dollars or more."
Tea at Home
"What I don’t get is how people have TIME for that in the morning."
"There’s a coffee stand place by me that consistently has a huge line that sometimes blocks traffic. The few times I have been there on days off I have waited over 20 mins and that wasn’t even during rush hour."
"Like who has time to spend 20-40 mins before work in line getting coffee?!?"
"The skins are cool as sh*t, I'll admit it, but damn, $20 per skin? People are out here claiming it's fine because it's a free game, but $20 per skin means if you have 3 skins, you could've gotten a completely different game all together. And most kids have hundreds of skins. My coworkers son spends all of his allowance, Christmas, and birthday money on Fortnite skins."
"He's claimed that his son has spent over $1200 on Fortnite. That's f**king insane."
"My buddies are full grown men and they buy like one skin ever 4-5 days, it's crazy. They spend anywhere from $80-$120 a month on Fortnite. I literally don't understand at all. It's an entire bill to pay every month. I play it with them from time to time and only have like three skins. I still feel like I spent too much on that."
"Cars. I don't know how so many people can afford the mortgage on cars that cost twice the average annual salary around here. And they are legion."
"If you want to save money, you drive a 10+ year old beater. It is paid for, you will have to repair it every year for a couple of hundred bucks, but the cost per mile is a fraction of that for a new Polestar 2 or Volvo XC60."
"I'm guessing I am seeing the caste that lucked out on the housing market."
For GoodMothers Day Netflix GIF by Grace and FrankieGiphy
"10 bucks a month is worth it."
"Netflix prime Hulu, Appletv, Disney+ and all that crap that we can just find free on the internet free. Hell no I'm not paying for 100 different subscription services."
There are way too many options. YouTube is cheaper.
MOOOO!!!Stone Cold Reaction GIF by WWEGiphy
"My Family spends A LOT of money on milk, since my entire family drink like 2 bottles a day total. Not with coffee or anything, just plain milk."
All that milk... I hope they change the flavors.
Last CallHappy Hour Drinking GIFGiphy
"Buying alcohol at the bars. Seriously, downtown Chicago, 'Can I please have 2 rum & cokes and a Bud Light?'"
"'Ok that will be $35.'"
"Forget that mess."
A Communication Must
"I'm going to disagree since you left your reply so basic. Now if you buy the newest phone at launch, and repeat that every new release, yes that is wasteful. I bought a 1 year old model 4 years ago and it's still fine. If it turned into a brick tonight, I would drop like $800 on a 1 year old model and be good for several more years. That isn't wasteful."
Need a Roof
"If our economy wasn't trash right now, I'd say buy your own place. I rented for 3 months then bought... renting is like flushing your money and any potential home equity (God I hate that word these days) down the toilet."
"It’s too expensive but unless you’re living outside your means the money is not wasted. Shelter is pretty important, it’s right up there with food and water."
Clean UpToilet Paper Poop GIF by Paper PooGiphy
"Toilet paper. Wash your butt with water, and you can save tons of toilet paper."
"Never could understand what it is with toilets with nowhere to wash, and walking around with chocolate caked holes."
Next Day Problems
"Surprised no one else has said this. Throwing away left over food instead of eating it later. I've worked in the restaurant industry for years and it's appalling the amount of food that gets thrown away that would be perfectly fine the next day. I constantly pack my leftovers and eat them for lunch."
We really need to evaluate our spending.
People Explain Which Things They Couldn't Live Without Once They Tried Them
They say ignorance is bliss, and there is truth to that statement.
Whether it involves trying a new fashion fad, type of food, or starting a new activity that spikes your endorphins, it's to go back to the way things were prior to experiencing them.
It's like opening Pandora's Box. The joy of discovery is exciting, but it also has the potential to consume you.
Curious to hear from strangers online who were unable to get the toothpaste back into the tube, Redditor Kapuishon88 asked:
"What’s something you can’t live without once you’ve tried it?"
Computer-related activity is addictive.
"Started in 1983 before I had reliable memories of anything. It's been a daily obsession since then."
"Original Zelda. Level 1. 32 years ago. Resistance was futile."
Opening Up The Periphery
"A second monitor."
The following involve the things that make life easier.
"For me it’s noise canceling headphones."
"A decent income."
Preference For The Dark
"Blackout curtains for me. The noise-cancelling headphones of light."
"Quality underwear / socks."
It's a hygienic thing.
The Perfect Backsplash
"Was gonna say the same. I explain to people that once you use one, you'll feel like a peasent when you wipe your a** with TP."
"Baby wipes. Damn, they are good at cleaning up so many things! The kids are 10 and 15 now and we still buy them by the case. Clean the counters, clean your shoes, get stains out of your clothes, bring them with you when you go eat ribs. Better than a napkin. Clean the table. Clean the desk. Clean the island. Wipe up the spill."
I have to agree about bidets being a life-changing discovery.
Ever since I was a kid going to visit my relatives in Japan and noticing virtually every toilet having a built-in spray 'n wash button, I was like, "Why doesn't America have these wondrous devices installed in every toilet?"
Not only is it super satisfying, it saves trees.
Most of us love animals and take stock of other people's pets. Some people have a better chance of remembering another person's pet's name than the person themselves.
Part of that allure has to do with the fun and creative names that many people come up with for their pets.
The Redditor, who has since deleted their account, asked:
"What is the best pet's name you've ever heard?"
The Autobots Would Be Proud
"I had a friend once who had a bunny named Hoptimus Prime."
Extra Hoppy Beer
"I live in northern Colorado which has a pretty big craft beer scene. One of our biggest and most popular breweries is Odell Brewing."
"One of my coworkers named her dog Odell because he had three legs which, in her words, made him extra hoppy."
At the Race Track
"I once heard of a race horse named Thunderbritches!"
From the 'Tragedy of Julius Caesar'
"I had a friend who had a 14-foot python as a pet named Julius Squeezer."
An Ode to Eminem
"My wife's fish was named Swim Shady."
Such a Giant, Cuddly Dog
"An Old English Sheepdog named 'Woolly.'"
Not Like the Movies
"My cat's name, he's named 'Gremlin'."
"A lot of people believe the movies were the inspiration, I just wanted to give my cat a weird but cute name."
What a Tongue-Twister
"My guinea pig was Wanda Wilhelmina Wobblebottom."
Tiny But Mighty
"A Redditor once posted a photo of their little, black kitten named Admiral Anchovies."
"That is all."
"A little pug named Barbecue, or perhaps a corgi mutt with eyebrows named Party Time."
Adorable Stage Names
"I still love the name Kitty Purry (Katy Perry's cat)."
"Someone in the 'backyardchickens' subReddit named one of their girls Attila the Hen."
A Name Upgrade
"A friend of a friend had a cat named Snack."
"Eventually, Snack had a few too many snacks, and they started calling him Meal."
Sounds Like a Big Boy
"A French bulldog called Tankerbell."
A Fair Question
"Between Chairman Meow and Benito Meowsolini, uh, there are a lotta cats with dictator names. What's next, Meowseph Stalin? Kitler?"
"Then again, cats are all wannabe dictators..."
Not only are some of these names hilarious, but these pet owners were on high creative alert when they named their furry loved ones.