I love the reactions of parents when their little precious one utters its first words; it's like a high holy holiday. Parents can't get over that moment. From the second we are born we're trained to start gabbing. Communication is key in life, and once that milestone takes off, it's all pride and fun... until it's not.
My favorite parent reaction is when precious spits out some naughtiness in public, then parents cower in shame. And I'm like... what'd you expect, that's what you asked for, their using their words. That's you fault.Redditor u/Great-Plateau wanted to hear from parents about those times kids have left them wanting to throttle by asking... What's the worst way you've been embarrassed by a child?
If I were a parent I wouldn't teach my kid to speak until they were a teenager. That is an appropriate amount of time for them to learn what is appropriate when engaging in public dialogue. I get frustrated when my dog barks out of line at the dog park or in the yard past sundown so I can't imagine my reaction of a toddler shaming strangers with sass, that they probably lowkey picked up from me.
I'm 5Hide Reaction GIF by flor Giphy
I was bagging a lady's groceries and her kid asked me, "why are you so fat?"
My brilliant comeback was, "why are you so short?" To which he replied, "I'm not short, I'm 5."
No Donuts for you!
When my son was six, walking through LAX and he's complaining that I wouldn't get him donuts (running late for our flight).
I'm holding his hand and walking along and all of a sudden he stops and starts screaming... "STOP IT I DON'T KNOW YOU! SOMEBODY HELP ME I DON'T KNOW THIS MAN!"
I'm snarling at him under my breath "dude you gotta stop that right now you can't say that crap, that's not funny". But oh no he keeps it up until the cops show up...
Missed flight... everyone staring like I was some piece of crap trying to kidnap an innocent kid.
Did not get him donuts.
Lions Oh My
I don't remember this story but my mom tells it all the time. When I was five my mom took me into the stall in the women's rest room because she had to go. She had been in there awhile and the bathroom had been crowded so she asked me, "can you take a look and see if there is a big line out there?"
I excitedly screamed, "A LION?!?" And flung the stall door open.
There was a big line.
Big TerryShocked Bbc Three GIF by BBC Giphy
When I was a kid, I was fascinated by how grown ups went to the bathroom, to the extent that I would demand to accompany any adult so that I might observe their technique.
One day, at my "uncle" Terry's house (so named because he was close friends with my dad, not an actual blood relative), I watched him pee, then ran back into the living room with my parents and proclaimed "Dad! Uncle Terry has a much bigger pee-pee than you do!"
I'm a preschool teacher, we were on the outside playground and it was a hot day. A kid fell off the swing-set so I rush over to check on him. He's full on sobbing, leans against my body then pulls away suddenly yelling "Eew! I don't like the smell of you!"
I couldn't even laugh it off.
Now that is a lot of funny, for the single and childless bunch. I can give credit where credit is due, every now and again kids do say the darndest things and they do often espouse some knowledge. But a majority of the time they turn adults ten shades of red. But observation is observation. You just have to stress about utilizing the inside voice. Here are some more examples of championing the "hush."
My little sister is ten years younger than me. When we were maybe 5 and 15 or so respectively, we were walking through a restaurant parking lot when a big group of bikers exited to their bikes. These guys had the leather get-up, the bandanas on their heads, chains, the works. My sister pointed to them and exclaimed "LOOK, PIRATES!"
They didn't think it was funny.
My child was 3 while we were waiting in a doctor's office. An exquisitely dressed elderly woman was sitting next to us and started talking to my son. Kid is fascinated by all the sparkly jewels and such, and says, "I love your shiny necklace, and you're pretty earrings...and your yellow teeth."
The QueenDisney Princess Beauty GIF by Disney Giphy
My wife was out with my 2yo daughter who pointed at a lady wearing a traditional Indian dress and stated "piss-ed." The lady probably heard "piss-head", but what daughter was trying to pronounce was "princess."
I had some people over and my 4 year old nephew starts shouting "is anyone here afraid of spiders?" Once he had everyone's attention, he told us all that if anyone was afraid of spiders they needed to leave because he found cobwebs, and cobwebs mean spiders. He then proceeded to point out every single cobweb in the house to our guests.
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My little brother likes to tell people that my tummy may look like it's full of fat. But it's actually full of love. It's both sweet and awkward.
So Emotional Baby...
I had to take my four year old to the doctor and while we were in the waiting room a nearby toddler started crying VERY loudly, like scream crying for whatever reason. My son waits until the other kid stops, does a very dramatic lowering and shake of his head then YELLS "He has problems with emotions huh mom?!?!" Which is him trying to talk the way I talk to him when he's coping with big emotions but good god the way it came out and the volume was... mortifying.
Don't Say THAT!
When my sister was 9 she shouted "white power" while waiting in line at Dorney park. We are Hispanic.
My brother yelled this out at a black owned bbq restaurant. The Clayton Biggsby Dave Chapelle skit had just been released and we were laughing about it at home. My bro thought it would be funny to quote in public not knowing at all why it was funny.
Wow. Really?braxton family values traci GIF by WE tv Giphy
Made myself lunch yesterday, two sandwiches because one wouldn't cut it. My eight year old asked me if I was a bear eating to get ready for hibernation. Sick burn.
It Wasn't Me
When I was 8 years old, I had a girl in my class with down syndrome. I always made it a point to be friendly with her and include her in things, and I even went over her house a few times. Halfway through the year, she would make up these bizarre scenarios and stories, and would drag me into them for some reason.
The teacher would constantly call me out in the hall, and have these "meetings" with me about things I wasn't even involved in or knew anything about. I was a painfully shy 8 year old, who didn't have a ton of friends, and hated all this unwanted attention.
So I started to distance myself from the girl after that. She told her mom that I was leaving her out things because she was different. The mom told the school. The school called my mom and told them I was bullying her.
But no one believed me, when I told them she was making things up. I was 8 years old at the time.
I'm 29 now. My mom constantly brings it up to random people and family members how I used to "bully" a girl with down syndrome. But when I try to explain my side of the story, no one ever believes me. And also, I was 8. It was 21 years ago. Give it a rest.
No Poo Please
At a cafe with my eldest daughter, who was 4 at the time, the waitress comes over to our table and asks my daughter if she would like a drink or some food. My daughter looks up at her and says "The parts of my drink that my body doesn't want come out as wee. The parts of my food that my body doesn't want come out as poo."
This was about a year ago, right before things started closing due to covid. I forget exactly where I was, but I needed to pee so my son and I went to the bathroom. We went into the handicap stall so there would be room. We'd been teaching him body parts at home, and right as I start to pee he yells out, "Daddy your penis is way big! Mine's little but yours is so big. Daddy! Daddy! Your penis is big!"
I was all like "sshhhhh, yes it's bigger than yours because my body is bigger than yours." When we came out of the stall, everyone was averting their eyes. I don't think they were embarrassed or anything, I think they were just trying to pretend like they didn't hear anything for my sake.
That Damn 15!
Upon seeing my younger cousin for the first time since I left for college, she shouted, "Oh my god! Are you having a baby?!" in front of my entire family. I wasn't pregnant. I gained that freshman 15. Instantly stopped drinking as much and started going to our campus gym every weekend when I returned to school.
I was on a plane trip with my three year old. He used the tiny restroom then I did. There was a line. I thought I'd secured the door but hadn't. He slings the door open to tell me something he was excited about. There I sat in open humiliation for all the line to see. I had to convince him to let me shut the damn door!
Not me, but I once lived with two friends of mine when we were about 27. One friend had an 11 year old brother, and he was staying with us for the week while his folks were out of town. Not being used to hanging out with little poophead 11 year old boys, my one buddy "Ned" would joke around with the kid whenever he asked a question, and he asked a LOT of questions. One day the kid asked Ned what he did for a living. Ned, trying to be funny, told him he was a doctor (he was not). The kid calls his bluff and asks what kind of doctor he was. Ned jokingly says, I'm a butthole doctor, a response that naturally got an incredulous reaction out of the kid.
Flash forward to a few days later and we are all out having lunch together. Ned runs into a girl he met on tinder, and introduces her to all of us, the kid included. When she meets the kid, she asks him jokingly "Oh! So what do you think of Ned?" To which the kid responds "He's a weird guy. He told me he's a butthole doctor." I don't really know if he ever saw that gal again.
Sweet Kisses...season 3 love GIF by Outlander Giphy
My 3 year old son was with me in Macy's at a jewelry counter. I asked the clerk a question.
My son asked why does she have such a huge mark on her cheek? The color draining out of my face, I quickly recovered and said, "That's where God kissed her." The woman said, "Congratulations. That's the best one I've heard so far."
Kids are cute. They are also a whole world of trouble. I think that when it comes to the words that fall out of our mouths, we all can be kids. Who hasn't spoken out of turn and not realized until it was too late? See, behavior does carry over. Inside voice people. Learn that lesson early.
As seen on TV. That line reverberates through all of our minds. Right? I haven't fallen for the, call me know and order group, thankfully. But I have enjoyed their commercials. And I have been duped by the other mediums. I'm still waiting on some things I ordered off of Facebook. And who doesn't owe money to the... buy 9 CDs for a cent group? But once and awhile the product is real and the "scam" is a deal.Redditor u/drichm2599 wanted to know what items we need to start buying by asking... What "as-seen-on-TV" product really works as advertised?
A lot of the Shark Tank folks have made their way to tv to hock items, and it worked, and people are happy! So there has to be some truth to a few things. Let's see what items we should all look for...
The Cleansecleaning up mr clean GIF by ADWEEKGiphy
Oxy-Clean is pretty amazing.
I no longer consider Oxy-Clean an ASOTV product. It is a part of everyday life.
I work for an HVAC supplier and our delivery box truck struck the awning of a restaurant and put a 6"x6" hole in the 'box' part. Threw some flex tape on that witch and it's been sealed for over eight months so far, including a rough winter.
That leaf filter thing for your gutters. Haven't worried about them in awhile and even set up my parents house with them so they didn't try to climb a ladder.
These have been around in various forms for years, but in my experience they pop out, animals get in them, crapt gets under/through them, and within a couple of years they're just a crooked eyesore that make gutter cleaning that much harder. Are these newest ones actually better? Have you checked under them since installing? No gunk? How do you clean roofing gravel out, or does it really not accumulate?
For the PetsWell Done Applause GIF by MOODMANGiphy
Those gloves that you pet your dog with and it desheds them. They really do work, and true to the commercial the hair also comes off in one clean pull. My dogs love them too.
I was given a Hurricane Spin Mop. I really liked it. That was years ago. I considered buying another one, but damn, $30 for a mop is a lot. They do work nicely though.
Mops take a lot of abuse, if you buy cheap ones you'll have broken/shredded mops pretty fast. $30 for a mop wouldn't kill me if it lasted multiple years.
Actually that brings me to mine, which isn't infomercial level, but the Swiffer Wetjet is pretty awesome because I don't have to mop anymore at all. My whole house is 120-year-old hardwood. I used to do Murphy's or white vinegar, but dragging a mop bucket up and down stairs every week sucks hardcore. Wetjet gets the floors truly clean, dries super fast, and doesn't involve buckets. I wish they'd make a Murphy's scented Wetjet but that's probably just me.
I'm getting that dog shedder thing. And well... Oxy Clean is a miracle. But that is old news. Maybe I need to be watching more TV at 3am. Or at least set the DVR for the sales. What else is being missed?
Hugs...So Excited Dancing GIFGiphy
The Snuggie was a freaking damned miracle. You can argue that it's just wearing a robe backwards but have you tried that? the arm holes are all wrong.
Green Gobbler. My bathroom sink was all clogged up and I remembered laughing my butt off to Penguinz0 dubbing over the Green Gobbler commercial. So I figured why not buy some at Home Depot and try it out.
That stuff unclogged my barely functioning sink like nobody's business, my God.
For the Girlscancer bras GIFGiphy
Those little circle things you can use to turn your regular bra into a racer back bra. They're amazing.
I have a Slanket (same concept, different brand) and use it every winter. During the pandemic, I was working from home in a room that gets very cold. I could run a heater, but that tends to just make the room too warm and gives me headaches. I tried a blanket, but couldn't use my hands on the keyboard without opening myself to the cold air.
So I grabbed the Slanket and used that. It kept me warm while I typed away without giving me headaches. If I had a meeting that required video, I simply took out my arms and pulled the Slanket below the camera view.
Of course, now it's getting warm so it's time to put the Slanket away until the cool air returns.
The slap chop. Admittedly, I don't own THE slap chop, I have the pampered chef version, but for mincing garlic or onions it saves a ton of time.
The Snuggie saved my life. I lost it and now I have to re-order as soon as I finish this piece. Trust me, if you haven't Snuggied, you haven't lived. Looks like product sales have stepped it up a bit. I'm watching.
Anyone who has watched A & E's Hoarders suffers from a distant PTSD. How could we not? That show could make you rethink every life choice. Then along comes Marie Kondo. Remember her? These programs have made us confront the possibility that we may hold onto things we never needed or collect in an access that is at the very least... unhealthy. So let's all discuss what could get us on these shows.Redditor u/MitaJoey20 wanted everyone to fess up about what they basically hoard by asking... What do you own an obscene amount of?
Clothes. I have way too many articles of clothing. I was poor as a kid. I was obese as a teen so I over compensate now. I want options of nice things to wear. There. I said it. And now I have to go pay my storage unit of clothes. Who understands?
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Stuffed animals. But I'd be a damn liar if I said that I'm not cozy at night in my stuffed animal kingdom.
Useless cables from up to 25 years ago. I have phone chargers older than lots of Redditors. IDE extensions. I don't know why.
I have quite a few of them too! A small box full of IDE and floppy drive cables.
By a Hair
Dog hair. That crap in all my belongings.
And then in the middle of us bawling our eyes out, we stopped, and laughed for about 10 seconds. Because that dog's hair was all over our house. He, our carpet, and our couch were all the same color, so a lot of it was hidden, but just everywhere. We declined the lock of hair.
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Currently have about... 800?
To be fair, most of it is inventory for my business.
All of this is making sense. And there is never an amount of money that is too obscene to have. I don't get the plants, but I hate plants. Sorry green thumbers.
Love is in the Heel
Shoes because when I was a broke child, my parents never bought me shoes I wanted. Now I am broke adult after buying tons of shoes that never see outside their boxes.
Shoes will always love you. Shoes will never leave you. You can gain 50 pounds and your pants and tops may have to be donated, but your feet will stay the same size. I'm here for shoes because they are here for me.
Hey Neo!GIF by NETFLIXGiphy
Pictures of Keanu Reeves wearing a bra.
And now shoes...
Socks without a match.
Lol in my family we have a generational bin of socks that keeps getting passed down. My mom had one, and when my sister moved she took it with her. My sister has now moved four times and that bin keeps going with her.
Gimme Quarters...heads or tails spinning GIFGiphy
Penny stocks are fun. I've made a decent bit off of them over the past several years. Still, I generally try and steer people away from them, since the general public is pretty terrible with basic financial tools like checking accounts and credit cards.
There is never enough of Keanu Reeves in our lives. And I still collect pennies. Money is money. But... we really should examine some collection choices. There is such a thing as too many shoes.
I love money, and I love to spend it. But I also love to be frugal and economic in my spending choices. I am always shocked to see how some people will just throw money about like it's water. (And we shouldn't be wasteful with that either!) Whether you have an abundance of it or not, you might want to rethink a couple of choices. Like ten grand for socks? Really?
Redditor u/Bxtweentheligxts wanted to hear about the most outrageous ways people throw around money by asking... What's the most overpriced item you seen someone actually buy?
In New York City there is a restaurant, I believe it's "Serendipity." It's a city must see and a lifestyle staple. They're famous for their desserts and a special hot cocoa but they also have what is said to be one of the world's "best" ice cream sundaes, that goes for a measly... $1000. Sounds like a steal. From your pocket! And anyone who buys it really should reflect on their life choices.
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I once sold a classmate a bag of chips for $20. I was working a snack sale at school where we sold cups full of chips.
We figured we could get about 20 cups for $1 each out of a bag, so we charged $20 for the bag and she actually bought it. The bag of chips itself couldn't have been worth more than maybe $3 or $4 dollars.
Gencon is a big board gaming convention in Indianapolis every year. "The 4 best days in gaming!"
One of the booths sell mystery boxes. The most expensive one was like $200, so my friend bought it. It was filled with junk. A crappy Pikachu mug, a couple of anime pictures, a blanket, and a couple of other small decorative statues of characters that we didn't recognize.
Then, he had to carry that huge box all the way around the con for the next 4-5 hours until we went back to the car.
That's been 5-6 years ago and we still give him crap for that.
When I was in 8th grade, I needed a microphone to play with friends online and the school art show was coming up. Parents can bid on certain pieces they like but usually only the best of the best get bids. I put a crappy looking clay mug for a starting bid of $25. Turns out someone bought it... my mom did. Was nice microphone.
Pop!Feelin Myself Jennifer Lopez GIF by HustlersGiphy
A bottle of champagne at a strip club.
OMG Me Too!
A lady in front of me in line at Kohl's once paid full price for a shirt.
Last time I bought something at Kohl's they aggressively talked me into buying it on a store credit card for 15% off which I then had to go home and cancel. Now I'm too embarrassed to go back to kohl's because I'm scared they'll just make me get another one.
Yeah see, no. All of those things can be bought on sale or at a bargain store. And champagne at a strip club? How can be just be so willing to spend? It's like an addiction. Let's continue...
You mean Diapers?
Designer underwear for toddlers, i mean really they fit them what 4 weeks? Sure they need 60 bucks a piece panties why not.
Just keep an eye on local classifieds, or family and friends with older kids. My brother has two sons that are older than my kid and my sister-in-law always wanted her kids to have "the best", so my kid has more high-quality hand-me-down clothes than he knows what to do with.
I'll Take a Bud
A $15 Coors light at a festival.
I will raise your beer at the ball game with wine at the opera.
The cashier said $15. I was a little surprised it was that low. Because I am not a fool who would let some student take the fall for an honest mistake, I asked if he was sure. Yep, completely rang it up wrong. $46 dollars later I declare that this is properly inflated prices I was expecting.
Light CatcherHappy Joy GIF by The WeekndGiphy
A $15,000 triangular crystal, "sculpture," that would capture light and cast a rainbow on the room.
My own painting.
One foot square, made in 10 minutes with a palette knife. It started as simply a place to scrape leftover paint off my knife Then I squished a couple blobs of color on it and spread it around improv style. Seriously, 10 minutes tops. When I turned it upside down, it happened to resemble an object/scene.
Apparently it really struck a nerve with someone I know, a visceral response each time he views it. I tried to gift it to him twice, but he insisted on paying $500 for it. It's the highest per-hour income, and highest priced artwork, I've ever made.
It's all so random.
Hammersurprised hammer GIFGiphy
In fourth grade, while visiting the local museum, my friend paid $15 for a piece of sandstone with the word "hammer" written on it in marker. It was supposed to be a Native American hammer, but of course it'd just crumble if actually hit against anything.
What have we learned? No matter how much money you have... there is always ways to have more, through thrifty deal making. So much waste on this thread. And never NEVER buy drinks at entertainment venues. Unless you're gonna skip rent that month. LOL
Living in New York City, I see a lot of things that a lot of people elsewhere might not remotely think about. Things like... pigeons that know to hop onto the train at 14th Street only to disembark at Fulton Street. Things like... grown men fighting in the street over the color of an umbrella. Things like... Subway "showtime" dancers who dropkick other passengers and initiate a fight as we're careening through the tunnel. You know, the usual.
After Redditor True_Madness asked the online community, "What's your 'Well, you don't see that everyday' story?" people told us about the odd, quirky instances they've stumbled upon.
"The second train pulls into the station..."
On vacation in London, my wife and I were waiting for a train in a tube station. Two trains arrived at the station before ours showed up. As a native New Yorker, I was comforted to see that pigeons live in subway stations everywhere.
The first train pulls into the station and the doors open. As people enter and exit the train, one pigeon flutters down from the ceiling, lands on the platform, and calmly walks onto the train like he's off to work or something. My wife and I laugh about this a little as the doors closed and the train pulls away from the station.
The second train pulls into the station, the doors open, and people shuffle out. After a moment a different pigeon walks out of this train and then flutters up to the spot vacated by the first pigeon.
Anyway, seems like London pigeons have the tube pretty much figured out.
What'd I tell you?
"I helped a German guy..."
I helped a German guy at CVS jump his car and to thank me he gave me a fancy bottle of shampoo.
"A big ass old ceramic tub..."
A big old ceramic tub flew off a flatbed truck and exploded into a million pieces on the interstate.
That sounds dangerous.
Beats the silly bouncing logs in Final Destination 2, though.
"While jogging slowly..."
While jogging slowly up a steep hill, I got cheered on by the driver of the Oscar Meyer Wienermobile.
You're not a loser, you're a weiner!
Sorry, couldn't resist.
"I had just pulled out..."
I had just pulled out of my office parking lot when a lady hit my rear passenger side with her SUV as she pulled out of a rail station parking lot. Ugh. So we both pulled over at the Taco Cabana to do the typical fender bender rigamarole, but to my surprise, a pick-up truck followed behind us. I don't think too much of it and get out to exchange info. As I approach her car, I notice she's avoiding my gaze completely. I'm standing there knocking on her window like wtf lady? And then a man gets out of the aforementioned truck.
He demands to know what happened, and why I hit her, to which I retort, excuse me but who are you?! And she hit ME are you joking or are you blind? I'm growing more livid by the second because I just want to go home.
Out of nowhere, a van with a local Mexican restaurant's branding pulls up, and ANOTHER man gets out and starts yelling at the pick-up truck man. They seem to know each other. The woman in the SUV now LOCKS her door (I heard her power locks). I turn back to address the van man and he's arguing with the pick-up truck man. A security guard from the neighboring rail station is walking over and as I'm flagging him over for help, van man HEAD BUTTS pick up truck man. Full on. I'm in total disbelief and now the security guard is frantically running and jumps a hedge of bushes lmao. He comes and breaks up the fight. I'm not sure why but it was only at this point that I feared for my safety but I was also now deeply invested in this drama that was unfolding.
It turns out the woman who hit me was having an affair with the pick-up truck man and they were having a rendezvous at the rail station parking lot. Van man is her husband, and he had just caught them in the act. The worst part is their teenage son was with him. Van man is practically giddy telling me to contact him at all if I need a witness to the accident get my car fixed, presumably so she can get slammed with a hefty fine or premium or whatever.
So yeah, you just don't see a grown man headbutt another grown man in a Taco Cabana parking lot every day.
"A bride in her wedding gown..."
A bride in her wedding gown running in the train station being chased by two women holding the train of her dress.
Paging Julia Roberts...
...is this the sequel to Runaway Bride we've been waiting for?
"I once saw a squirrel..."
I once saw a squirrel carrying an entire pomegranate around a cemetery.
"Watched a guy..."
Watched a guy on a quad drop his hat, look back and decide to leave it behind. About 2 minutes later, some guy in a tan car drives up, swerves around it, stops, leans out of the car, picks up the hat, puts it on, and then just drive away like nothing happened.
"Neutering a dog..."
Neutering a dog the other day, he appeared to be a cryptorchid - that is, one normal testicle, and one not descended, retained somewhere in the abdomen. Well, we can still neuter these - in fact, it's even more important to do so, since the retained one can later develop cancer if left behind - so, into the abdomen I went, looking for that retained testicle, which I was expecting to find somewhere between the kidney and inguinal ring.
Found a uterus.
"I saw a dude..."
I saw a dude absolutely BOMBING a hill on a skateboard, joint in hand, and a crossbow on his back. Not like a little one. Like a medieval reenactment crossbow used for storming the gates of Helms Deep.
If you remain observant...
...you'll see all sorts of interesting things happening. I always seem to find something cool to take notice of.
Have some stories of your own? Feel free to tell us about them in the comments section below!