I love the reactions of parents when their little precious one utters its first words; it's like a high holy holiday. Parents can't get over that moment. From the second we are born we're trained to start gabbing. Communication is key in life, and once that milestone takes off, it's all pride and fun... until it's not.
My favorite parent reaction is when precious spits out some naughtiness in public, then parents cower in shame. And I'm like... what'd you expect, that's what you asked for, their using their words. That's you fault.
Redditor u/Great-Plateau wanted to hear from parents about those times kids have left them wanting to throttle by asking... What's the worst way you've been embarrassed by a child?"Lowkey"
If I were a parent I wouldn't teach my kid to speak until they were a teenager. That is an appropriate amount of time for them to learn what is appropriate when engaging in public dialogue. I get frustrated when my dog barks out of line at the dog park or in the yard past sundown so I can't imagine my reaction of a toddler shaming strangers with sass, that they probably lowkey picked up from me.
I'm 5
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I was bagging a lady's groceries and her kid asked me, "why are you so fat?"
My brilliant comeback was, "why are you so short?" To which he replied, "I'm not short, I'm 5."
No Donuts for you!
When my son was six, walking through LAX and he's complaining that I wouldn't get him donuts (running late for our flight).
I'm holding his hand and walking along and all of a sudden he stops and starts screaming... "STOP IT I DON'T KNOW YOU! SOMEBODY HELP ME I DON'T KNOW THIS MAN!"
I'm snarling at him under my breath "dude you gotta stop that right now you can't say that crap, that's not funny". But oh no he keeps it up until the cops show up...
Missed flight... everyone staring like I was some piece of crap trying to kidnap an innocent kid.
Did not get him donuts.
Lions Oh My
I don't remember this story but my mom tells it all the time. When I was five my mom took me into the stall in the women's rest room because she had to go. She had been in there awhile and the bathroom had been crowded so she asked me, "can you take a look and see if there is a big line out there?"
I excitedly screamed, "A LION?!?" And flung the stall door open.
There was a big line.
Big Terry
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When I was a kid, I was fascinated by how grown ups went to the bathroom, to the extent that I would demand to accompany any adult so that I might observe their technique.
One day, at my "uncle" Terry's house (so named because he was close friends with my dad, not an actual blood relative), I watched him pee, then ran back into the living room with my parents and proclaimed "Dad! Uncle Terry has a much bigger pee-pee than you do!"
The Stench
I'm a preschool teacher, we were on the outside playground and it was a hot day. A kid fell off the swing-set so I rush over to check on him. He's full on sobbing, leans against my body then pulls away suddenly yelling "Eew! I don't like the smell of you!"
I couldn't even laugh it off.
"HaHa"
Now that is a lot of funny, for the single and childless bunch. I can give credit where credit is due, every now and again kids do say the darndest things and they do often espouse some knowledge. But a majority of the time they turn adults ten shades of red. But observation is observation. You just have to stress about utilizing the inside voice. Here are some more examples of championing the "hush."
Ahoy....
My little sister is ten years younger than me. When we were maybe 5 and 15 or so respectively, we were walking through a restaurant parking lot when a big group of bikers exited to their bikes. These guys had the leather get-up, the bandanas on their heads, chains, the works. My sister pointed to them and exclaimed "LOOK, PIRATES!"
They didn't think it was funny.
Keep Smiling
My child was 3 while we were waiting in a doctor's office. An exquisitely dressed elderly woman was sitting next to us and started talking to my son. Kid is fascinated by all the sparkly jewels and such, and says, "I love your shiny necklace, and you're pretty earrings...and your yellow teeth."
The Queen
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My wife was out with my 2yo daughter who pointed at a lady wearing a traditional Indian dress and stated "piss-ed." The lady probably heard "piss-head", but what daughter was trying to pronounce was "princess."
The Webs...
I had some people over and my 4 year old nephew starts shouting "is anyone here afraid of spiders?" Once he had everyone's attention, he told us all that if anyone was afraid of spiders they needed to leave because he found cobwebs, and cobwebs mean spiders. He then proceeded to point out every single cobweb in the house to our guests.
Full of It
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My little brother likes to tell people that my tummy may look like it's full of fat. But it's actually full of love. It's both sweet and awkward.
So Emotional Baby...
I had to take my four year old to the doctor and while we were in the waiting room a nearby toddler started crying VERY loudly, like scream crying for whatever reason. My son waits until the other kid stops, does a very dramatic lowering and shake of his head then YELLS "He has problems with emotions huh mom?!?!" Which is him trying to talk the way I talk to him when he's coping with big emotions but good god the way it came out and the volume was... mortifying.
Don't Say THAT!
When my sister was 9 she shouted "white power" while waiting in line at Dorney park. We are Hispanic.
My brother yelled this out at a black owned bbq restaurant. The Clayton Biggsby Dave Chapelle skit had just been released and we were laughing about it at home. My bro thought it would be funny to quote in public not knowing at all why it was funny.
Wow. Really?
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Made myself lunch yesterday, two sandwiches because one wouldn't cut it. My eight year old asked me if I was a bear eating to get ready for hibernation. Sick burn.
It Wasn't Me
When I was 8 years old, I had a girl in my class with down syndrome. I always made it a point to be friendly with her and include her in things, and I even went over her house a few times. Halfway through the year, she would make up these bizarre scenarios and stories, and would drag me into them for some reason.
The teacher would constantly call me out in the hall, and have these "meetings" with me about things I wasn't even involved in or knew anything about. I was a painfully shy 8 year old, who didn't have a ton of friends, and hated all this unwanted attention.
So I started to distance myself from the girl after that. She told her mom that I was leaving her out things because she was different. The mom told the school. The school called my mom and told them I was bullying her.
But no one believed me, when I told them she was making things up. I was 8 years old at the time.
I'm 29 now. My mom constantly brings it up to random people and family members how I used to "bully" a girl with down syndrome. But when I try to explain my side of the story, no one ever believes me. And also, I was 8. It was 21 years ago. Give it a rest.
No Poo Please
At a cafe with my eldest daughter, who was 4 at the time, the waitress comes over to our table and asks my daughter if she would like a drink or some food. My daughter looks up at her and says "The parts of my drink that my body doesn't want come out as wee. The parts of my food that my body doesn't want come out as poo."
That's Big!
This was about a year ago, right before things started closing due to covid. I forget exactly where I was, but I needed to pee so my son and I went to the bathroom. We went into the handicap stall so there would be room. We'd been teaching him body parts at home, and right as I start to pee he yells out, "Daddy your penis is way big! Mine's little but yours is so big. Daddy! Daddy! Your penis is big!"
I was all like "sshhhhh, yes it's bigger than yours because my body is bigger than yours." When we came out of the stall, everyone was averting their eyes. I don't think they were embarrassed or anything, I think they were just trying to pretend like they didn't hear anything for my sake.
That Damn 15!
Upon seeing my younger cousin for the first time since I left for college, she shouted, "Oh my god! Are you having a baby?!" in front of my entire family. I wasn't pregnant. I gained that freshman 15. Instantly stopped drinking as much and started going to our campus gym every weekend when I returned to school.
Not Now!
I was on a plane trip with my three year old. He used the tiny restroom then I did. There was a line. I thought I'd secured the door but hadn't. He slings the door open to tell me something he was excited about. There I sat in open humiliation for all the line to see. I had to convince him to let me shut the damn door!
"Ned"
Not me, but I once lived with two friends of mine when we were about 27. One friend had an 11 year old brother, and he was staying with us for the week while his folks were out of town. Not being used to hanging out with little poophead 11 year old boys, my one buddy "Ned" would joke around with the kid whenever he asked a question, and he asked a LOT of questions. One day the kid asked Ned what he did for a living. Ned, trying to be funny, told him he was a doctor (he was not). The kid calls his bluff and asks what kind of doctor he was. Ned jokingly says, I'm a butthole doctor, a response that naturally got an incredulous reaction out of the kid.
Flash forward to a few days later and we are all out having lunch together. Ned runs into a girl he met on tinder, and introduces her to all of us, the kid included. When she meets the kid, she asks him jokingly "Oh! So what do you think of Ned?" To which the kid responds "He's a weird guy. He told me he's a butthole doctor." I don't really know if he ever saw that gal again.
Sweet Kisses...
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My 3 year old son was with me in Macy's at a jewelry counter. I asked the clerk a question.
My son asked why does she have such a huge mark on her cheek? The color draining out of my face, I quickly recovered and said, "That's where God kissed her." The woman said, "Congratulations. That's the best one I've heard so far."
"Inside Voice"
Kids are cute. They are also a whole world of trouble. I think that when it comes to the words that fall out of our mouths, we all can be kids. Who hasn't spoken out of turn and not realized until it was too late? See, behavior does carry over. Inside voice people. Learn that lesson early.
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But we should also be prepared and ready to ask the right questions to have a leg up on the competition.
"What is THE best question to ask on a job interview?"
A company's history or information about a past employee were suggested subjects appropriate for questioning.
Prior Knowledge
"When you were interviewing here, what would you have liked to know before you joined?"
"This worked for me. I asked my interviewer a question about how she had personally dealt with a company policy she had just explained. She bragged about her stellar adherence to the policy. I nodded my approval. I got the job."
A Previous Employee
"One that has always gone over well for me:"
"What were some qualities that the previous employee in this role brought to the job that you would like to see carried forward?"
"Another good thing to do is research the company you are interviewing with and you can ask things about what they may be involved in or you could drop that while reading about the company, you wondered this."
Hypothetical questions were suggested as helpful examples of inquiry.
Indicators Of How Companies Treat Employees
"A question that landed me a job once was: 'If I asked your direct reports about your management style, what do you think they'd tell me?' Stumped a hiring manager and he emailed me personally to tell me about it, no one ever asked him that question but got the job.
"In my current interviews I'm asking 'what did your company do for its employees during [the virus] to improve their day to day, work life balance, etc.' and I ask 'Is there anything your company adopted during [the virus] that they plan to keep post [the virus]?"
"These questions give a lot of insight into whether a company treated their employees well."
Past Performance & Adjustments
"If we were currently sitting in my 1 year review, what would I have done in this year for you to say I excelled in my role?"
"If I could snap my finger right now and change anything about your job or the company, what would it be and why?"
The following questions about a prospective company may not be answered from initial digging on their website.
Measure Of Success & Career Trajectories
"How is success measured in this role?"
"What are some possible career trajectories within the company that could stem from this position?"
Being A Solution
"Ask them what is the biggest problem you can solve for them in your first six months with the company. Similar to 'don't think of a purple hippo,' this forces them to imagine you succeeding in the position."
Simply The Best
"Who is your best employee and why is he/she the best?"
"You will then face 2 situations mostly:"
"panicking CEO who can't answer you 'Bob who works 17 hours a day for a slice of bread' so the fear in their faces must be a big nono for you"
"entusiast CEO who actually follow their business and can tell you who is an added value for the company and why."
– ThePiz91
My experiences with job interviews are different than others seeking work in office environments.
Having had a years-long career as a dancer, my "interview" was the dance audition, where hopefuls dance in small groups of people at a time after learning a routine and then awaiting their fate after the panel evaluates their performances.
The question I may or may not have asked in such a scenario earlier in my career was: "Did I make the cut?"
I did not make the cut. And I learned never to ask that again.
I remember the worst date I ever had. My biggest regret is that I stayed for the entire thing. I should've left as soon as I realized this was not going well, which was basically at hello. But he was paying so I drank, a lot. I'll keep names and dates to myself to protect the innocent.
0/10
Big Brother Reaction GIF by Big Brother After DarkGiphy"Went to brewery, date said I had hairy arms and that meant I was horny, said "you look really awful in this light" and then tried to dig out of that hole by saying in his native language that was a term of endearment long term couples said to each other. 0/10 did not date again."
Lucky 13?
"My wife wanted to plan our 13th wedding anniversary. I was excited because usually, I plan it. She bought us some new disc golf discs and after a quick supper, we went to play. We hadn't played in forever. We were laughing and I had a great time. She served me with divorce papers and told me that the date was a test to see if she still had feelings for me. I also learned that she was having an affair that started well before our anniversary."
- rmorlock
Two Hours from Home
"Not necessarily a date but a person I was dating invited me to his parent's house for the afternoon. He wanted to introduce me to them and show me the house he grew up in. I thought it was super sweet and had no problems going. He was also in the middle of moving and needed to pick up a few things, so it really didn't seem that unusual."
"Yeah, we got there and it was awful. His entire family was there. They traveled from hours away too. This was not just meeting the parents, it was meeting the ENTIRE family. Even worse? At some point, this idiot told his parents that he had proposed. We had been dating TWO months. I spent the entire afternoon dumbfounded and just playing along."
"We were two hours from home and I had no cell service, no way to leave at all. We ended up spending the afternoon brainstorming wedding ideas and planning an Alaskan honeymoon that his parents planned to gift us. His brother even called to say congratulations! We drove back to his apartment in silence. When we got there, I got in my car and left, didn't even bother grabbing my stuff. Weirdest experience ever. I have no idea how he broke it to his parents that we weren't getting married."
You're Cut Off!
"Got set up on a blind date once between mutual friends. She shows up to the restaurant already a little tipsy, orders multiple appetizers and only takes like one or two bites from each one. Then she proceeds to order 3 or 4 more drinks and is visibly drunk at this point. She gets up and says she's going to the bathroom and staggers off. About 15-20 minutes go by so I try to call her several times but no answer."
"Finally I decide to pay the check and just leave. About 2 hours later I'm sitting at home and I get a call from an unknown number. It's the police department. She was picked up on a DUI on her way home after she ditched me and gave the cops my number to see if I could go bail her out!"
- mox44ah
Sorry?
Bbc Three Idk GIF by BBCGiphy"Well, I gave this answer on a different topic, but it ties in with this. We were out on a date, we had been seeing each other for a while, close to a year maybe. She gets a phone call. Suddenly she looks destroyed. Her fiancé had just died in a motorcycle accident."
What in the world? I mean how can we ever expect to pair off with the dating pool being inundated with liars and nut jobs? I'm going to delete my apps.
Girl, Bye.
Sassy Beyonce GIFGiphy"Had a girl openly flirt with the bartender in front of me. She says she wasn't. But handing him her own phone and asking for his contact info in front of her date seems like it to me."
Crazy!
"Came out from a movie, late at night, and date's Camaro was stolen. Apparently, he called his WIFE (that I did not know he had) and let her know where he was and what happened. She showed up and realized he was on a date! She started chasing ME around the parking lot telling me she was going to kill me. Saved by the cops who showed up just in time to take the auto theft report."
Hey Mom
"Met a girl at a country bar one night in my 20s. We were both pretty drunk but hit it off pretty good. Ended up getting her number and we agreed we'd go on a real date. Fast forward to the date, she gets in my vehicle and... she looks almost identical to my mom. I was mortified. I was polite and we went for lunch where I found out she also had a boyfriend she "wasn't sure if she was into". Never talked to her again."
- SgtGo
Liars...
"When I was in college many years ago, before the advancement of cell phones and social media, I was chatting with a girl I met on a BBS who lived on Long Island, NY. I was 18 at the time, but lied and said I was 22 because she said she was 25. We spent a few weeks emailing each other, as well as calling each other."
"We even exchanged pics. When we finally met up, things blew up. Turns out we both lied about our ages: She was really 33, and lied because she thought she looked younger. She admitted she sent a college photo to me. We still had dinner together, but it was awkward as hell. We never spoke again."
Doubles
Kill Me Now Season 1 GIF by FriendsGiphy"It was a double date. She was more interested talking to the other girl throughout the whole thing. Found out later from the other guy that his girl cheated on him with my date."
Ummm... I think I'm just going to stay single. That is a handful of crazy. Why can't people just be honest? I swear the search for love warps people's brains. Be careful out there people.
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