Intimate and sexual are two very different things, but we treat them as the same so often that we use one to mean the other. When someone is called an "intimate partner" or we hear the phrase "getting intimate" we understand that to mean sex.
Words become ideas, and ideas become reality - treating sex and intimacy the same leaves you with a whole lot of people who cannot be intimate without being sexual. Some of you reading this right now aren't really sure what non-sexual intimacy even looks like.
So let's talk about it.
One Reddit user asked:
What is the most intimate (non-sexual) experience you've ever had and will never leave you?
We made it about 4 responses in before we got all misty-eyed and we've been in our feels ever since. Some of these examples are beautiful, some are heartwrenching - some are a potent mix of both.
Grab some comfort carbs or a stuffie, we're going in.
Bears Cry Too
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Four months after my mother died, I was out shopping for groceries. I helped a middle aged woman with getting something from a high shelf and thought nothing of it.
Later that day, I intervened and stopped the same woman from getting mugged.
She then looked at me and said the one thing my mother always told me when she was happy. "Thank ya baby, you're a life saver."
I promptly broke into a sobbing mess, letting out the pent up emotions that I had for the past four months. She just hugged me and let this giant ass teddy bear cry on her shoulder for an hour.
After that I never saw her again due to me moving across the country.
Shoulder Time
Back in 11th grade, this girl I used to sit on the bus with would occasionally hold my arm and rest her head on my shoulder.
When it first happened, I didn't understand. To this day, I still don't understand.
We weren't dating or anything. We've never talked or interacted that way otherwise. Honestly, the amount of distance she put between me felt pretty random at times.
Either way, she'd just... occasionally hog my arm on bus rides home.
I never said anything. I just accepted it and looked out of the window like usual. Gently let her know when the bus got to the stop.
It was a nice, warm feeling.
A Cat And A Cry
When my mom died, I'd gone to visit her partner while we arranged the funeral.
I ended up getting locked out of their apartment. While waiting in the hall for her partner to get home, a stray cat wandering the building came up to me for scratches.
This was an old-ass cat, looking a bit scraggly, but affectionate all the same, AND VOCAL!
I just snuggled it close and had a good cry...like the cat knew I needed it in my life at that moment...and I did...
6 Weeks Early
My daughter came into this world 6 weeks early. Small town USA hospital only had a hood for breathing and she needed 24 hour NICU.
Less than 8 hours after the C-section, they took her to a town 20 miles away while I had to stay for observation. For 4 days I was separated from her, getting updates via family and drs.
When I could finally get out, I walked into the NICU and she was crying while a lovely nurse held her. I spoke to her and she immediately looked toward my voice and stopped crying. I started crying.
This will never leave me.
Runaways
Me and my sister ran away when we were 17.
On our second week on the road we stopped at this field where there was nothing but grass and trees as far as the eye can see. We got out of the car and sat on the ground in front of it.
For the first time since we had ran away I started to cry. I cried and screamed and trust me this was not pretty, this lasted for hours and the whole time my sister just held me.
I didn't cry out of regret or because I was homesick. I cried because it had to come to this - that this is what we had to resort to just so we could live a happy life.
When I finally stopped crying all she said to me was "Forever and always, we got each other." I'll take that moment with me to the grave.
Human Bodily Needs
Went on a major hike I was NOT prepared for. No jacket, no light, barely any food or water for 3000'+ altitude change and ~10 miles on a winter afternoon.
By the time we were near the top, it was dark. The peak was snowy and icy. We were exhausted, frigid, and had no idea how we'd survive the trip back down.
We had passed a group of students on our way up, and they thankfully decided to wait for us and rescue us. I was still walking, but so cold and tired I couldn't think or say much.
A girl came and put her extra jacket on me, pulling it on over my head, zipping it up to my chin, and putting the hood up. A boy passed me his extra gloves, and she slid my hands into them. She unwrapped food, closed my hand over it and guided it to my mouth. She held her water bottle to my lips.
It was the first time I'd had this full acknowledgement of all my bodily human needs if that makes sense. I felt extremely human, cared for and non-judged.
Did I Snore?
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I was once on a connecting flight out of Chicago; I had come from Spain and was on my way home to California. I was on an MD80 (skinny, tight seats) and in a three-seat row between a very large Samoan woman and a very very large Chicago guy.
The two of them talked about food the entire flight, with the Chicago guy talking about bratwurst cooked in beer ("Ya come fer da brots, but ya stays fer da onions, ya know?") and her talking about Pisupo ("It's easy! Corned beef, eggs and rice—maybe little soy sauce.").
I tried to be polite and smile and be alert but my head was pounding, I was still a little drunk from the free wine on Iberia Airlines, I hadn't slept in days and I just nodded off. Woke up around an hour or so into the flight and found I had been fast asleep on this Samoan lady's very ample bosom.
I lifted my head and started to apologize but she pulled my arm under her and pulled my head back down into her neck and shoulder and said "Nonsense. C'mon sleep. I got you." Total darkness, all warmth and I could hear her breathe. It was like being in my mom's arms as a toddler.
She held me while I slept until we reached LAX. I'm just glad I didn't drool on her.
When I woke I asked "Did I snore?" She said "Did you snore?!?! Oh my god did he snore?!?!"
And everyone within three rows started cracking up. Everyone was so understanding of this weary traveler and she was so sweet, I'll never forget her.
- Shah357
Helping Mom Let Go
Hugging my mom as she died in my arms.
It's been 5 years and she was in the hospital for a stroke, so it was not entirely unexpected. I'd do it again in a heartbeat.
The last thing she heard was my voice telling her how much she was loved, the last thing she felt was me hugging her. I'd be a liar if I said I'm the same person I was before that.
No way in hell was it not going to happen as long as I could help it. It still hits out of nowhere sometimes, but it passes.
- tedlyb
I Knew I Mattered
Preface: Girl and I no longer with one another. Was in a very depressed low point of my life. I'm ok now. 👍
Was seeing a girl, a very kind and special one to my heart. I've been kind of deprived of affection before her.
One day after work, I came home and told her I quit smoking. That I didn't want to tell anyone because it has to be a personal battle I needed to win, but I told her anyway.
Her eyes got big, she smiled wildly, rushed over and planted a kiss on my lips. The kind that tells you it really means something. That it's real.
Her arms wrapped around me and she laughed at me because I had began to tear up I was so happy my self.
That feeling and that memory will never leave me until the day I die. That's when I knew I mattered to people.
It Made Her Hate Me More
Getting into a sleeping bag with a very hypothermic girl who I didn't like very much (and the feeling was mutual) to try and bring her body temp up. Then having her cling to me like her life depended on it.
We were in a group of people out for a hike and we got caught in some bad weather. And no, it didn't make us like each other any better. If anything, I think it being me who was saving her life made her hate me more.
I haven't seen or spoken to her since a few months after this happened and it was over 20 years ago. So I'm going to say our friendship never really blossomed.
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"Straight men of Reddit, what is the strangest thing you have been told not to do because 'that's gay?'"
The following behavior just screams, "gay," fellas. Watch out.
Song Choice
"Sing a Lily Allen song during karaoke."
– KentuckyFriedEel
School Protocol
"Advice I received in high school from other students:"
"Don't cross your legs with one knee over the other. Put one ankle over the other knee."
"When carrying books, palm them and carry them at your side. Don't rest one edge of the books near your waist."
"Never button the top button of your shirt."
– Gorf_the_Magnificent
Look, But Don't Look
"This one time, at summer camp, this guy who'd just been swimming in the lake told me you could tell how cold the water was by how hard his nipples were. 'But don't stare too long,' he said, 'because that's gay.'"
"You were the one who told me to look in the first place!"
– SonOfTheShire
Sandwich For Sissies
"When I was a kid, my dad called me a sissy because I cut a sandwich diagonally."
– captainmagictrousers
Getting Woodwind
"I played the clarinet. I got called Faginet a lot."
– Virtual_Caramell
"But that's one women do," one might argue.
Daddy Duty
"Changing my daughter's diaper. Mentioned it in the office one day. Called gay."
– Bullydaddy
A Lighter Shade
"Buying a white IPhone."
– Freshrendar
"Added my husband (then boyfriend) to my phone plan. Went to the store on my own to upgrade both our phones. We both just wanted the next gen Samsung. It was only available in purplish-pink in store."
"I shrugged and said it didn't matter, he's putting a case on it anyways. Guys working at the store kept trying to talk me out of it, actively pushing me to go to another store, making them lose commission, just so my partner wouldn't have a feminine phone. He used his pink phone for 3 years."
– Caity26
Life Skills
"I've been criticized for knowing how to sew and cook. Those are essential life skills!"
– placeholderNull
"My father was a Marine drill instructor in the 50's. Guess who did all the sewing in my house growing up?"
"Yeah, no one dared to call him gay for it."
– desrever1138
Here are examples of guidelines for being a manly man, according to manly men.
Manly Appetite
"Not a straight man but... back in my bartending days I asked a man if he wanted to see a dessert menu. He said 'if I wanted dessert I'd order wings like a real man.'"
"Weird flex but okay."
– BigJiggies
When I'm In The Mood, I Masticate
"When I'm feeling extra manly, I just take a bite out of a cow and then chew on some raw wheat."
"Like a man."
– AmigoDelDiabla
No Appointments Necessary For Straight Men
"I left a pick-up basketball game because I had an appointment to get a haircut. Evidently, the only straight way to get a haircut is as a walk in."
– patricksaurus
Abiding By The Law Is So Gay
"Using turn signals. And not as some sort of euphemism, but literally using them while driving to turn or change lanes."
– Sargatanus
In grade school, some fellow classmates asked me to check for gum on my shoe because they saw me step in some.
When I lifted my leg to take a gander, the boys were howling hysterically as if my actions confirmed something.
Well, it sure did. Apparently, if I l looked at the bottom of my shoe from in front of me, I was "normal," but since I bent my leg back and looked at the bottom of my shoe from behind, that made me "so gay."
Although, I didn't come out 'til years later, maybe those goons were onto something. Thanks for the heads up, guys.
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