Intimate and sexual are two very different things, but we treat them as the same so often that we use one to mean the other. When someone is called an "intimate partner" or we hear the phrase "getting intimate" we understand that to mean sex.
Words become ideas, and ideas become reality - treating sex and intimacy the same leaves you with a whole lot of people who cannot be intimate without being sexual. Some of you reading this right now aren't really sure what non-sexual intimacy even looks like.
So let's talk about it.
One Reddit user asked:
What is the most intimate (non-sexual) experience you've ever had and will never leave you?
We made it about 4 responses in before we got all misty-eyed and we've been in our feels ever since. Some of these examples are beautiful, some are heartwrenching - some are a potent mix of both.
Grab some comfort carbs or a stuffie, we're going in.
Bears Cry Too
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Four months after my mother died, I was out shopping for groceries. I helped a middle aged woman with getting something from a high shelf and thought nothing of it.
Later that day, I intervened and stopped the same woman from getting mugged.
She then looked at me and said the one thing my mother always told me when she was happy. "Thank ya baby, you're a life saver."
I promptly broke into a sobbing mess, letting out the pent up emotions that I had for the past four months. She just hugged me and let this giant ass teddy bear cry on her shoulder for an hour.
After that I never saw her again due to me moving across the country.
Shoulder Time
Back in 11th grade, this girl I used to sit on the bus with would occasionally hold my arm and rest her head on my shoulder.
When it first happened, I didn't understand. To this day, I still don't understand.
We weren't dating or anything. We've never talked or interacted that way otherwise. Honestly, the amount of distance she put between me felt pretty random at times.
Either way, she'd just... occasionally hog my arm on bus rides home.
I never said anything. I just accepted it and looked out of the window like usual. Gently let her know when the bus got to the stop.
It was a nice, warm feeling.
A Cat And A Cry
When my mom died, I'd gone to visit her partner while we arranged the funeral.
I ended up getting locked out of their apartment. While waiting in the hall for her partner to get home, a stray cat wandering the building came up to me for scratches.
This was an old-ass cat, looking a bit scraggly, but affectionate all the same, AND VOCAL!
I just snuggled it close and had a good cry...like the cat knew I needed it in my life at that moment...and I did...
6 Weeks Early
My daughter came into this world 6 weeks early. Small town USA hospital only had a hood for breathing and she needed 24 hour NICU.
Less than 8 hours after the C-section, they took her to a town 20 miles away while I had to stay for observation. For 4 days I was separated from her, getting updates via family and drs.
When I could finally get out, I walked into the NICU and she was crying while a lovely nurse held her. I spoke to her and she immediately looked toward my voice and stopped crying. I started crying.
This will never leave me.
Runaways
Me and my sister ran away when we were 17.
On our second week on the road we stopped at this field where there was nothing but grass and trees as far as the eye can see. We got out of the car and sat on the ground in front of it.
For the first time since we had ran away I started to cry. I cried and screamed and trust me this was not pretty, this lasted for hours and the whole time my sister just held me.
I didn't cry out of regret or because I was homesick. I cried because it had to come to this - that this is what we had to resort to just so we could live a happy life.
When I finally stopped crying all she said to me was "Forever and always, we got each other." I'll take that moment with me to the grave.
Human Bodily Needs
Went on a major hike I was NOT prepared for. No jacket, no light, barely any food or water for 3000'+ altitude change and ~10 miles on a winter afternoon.
By the time we were near the top, it was dark. The peak was snowy and icy. We were exhausted, frigid, and had no idea how we'd survive the trip back down.
We had passed a group of students on our way up, and they thankfully decided to wait for us and rescue us. I was still walking, but so cold and tired I couldn't think or say much.
A girl came and put her extra jacket on me, pulling it on over my head, zipping it up to my chin, and putting the hood up. A boy passed me his extra gloves, and she slid my hands into them. She unwrapped food, closed my hand over it and guided it to my mouth. She held her water bottle to my lips.
It was the first time I'd had this full acknowledgement of all my bodily human needs if that makes sense. I felt extremely human, cared for and non-judged.
Did I Snore?
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I was once on a connecting flight out of Chicago; I had come from Spain and was on my way home to California. I was on an MD80 (skinny, tight seats) and in a three-seat row between a very large Samoan woman and a very very large Chicago guy.
The two of them talked about food the entire flight, with the Chicago guy talking about bratwurst cooked in beer ("Ya come fer da brots, but ya stays fer da onions, ya know?") and her talking about Pisupo ("It's easy! Corned beef, eggs and rice—maybe little soy sauce.").
I tried to be polite and smile and be alert but my head was pounding, I was still a little drunk from the free wine on Iberia Airlines, I hadn't slept in days and I just nodded off. Woke up around an hour or so into the flight and found I had been fast asleep on this Samoan lady's very ample bosom.
I lifted my head and started to apologize but she pulled my arm under her and pulled my head back down into her neck and shoulder and said "Nonsense. C'mon sleep. I got you." Total darkness, all warmth and I could hear her breathe. It was like being in my mom's arms as a toddler.
She held me while I slept until we reached LAX. I'm just glad I didn't drool on her.
When I woke I asked "Did I snore?" She said "Did you snore?!?! Oh my god did he snore?!?!"
And everyone within three rows started cracking up. Everyone was so understanding of this weary traveler and she was so sweet, I'll never forget her.
- Shah357
Helping Mom Let Go
Hugging my mom as she died in my arms.
It's been 5 years and she was in the hospital for a stroke, so it was not entirely unexpected. I'd do it again in a heartbeat.
The last thing she heard was my voice telling her how much she was loved, the last thing she felt was me hugging her. I'd be a liar if I said I'm the same person I was before that.
No way in hell was it not going to happen as long as I could help it. It still hits out of nowhere sometimes, but it passes.
- tedlyb
I Knew I Mattered
Preface: Girl and I no longer with one another. Was in a very depressed low point of my life. I'm ok now. 👍
Was seeing a girl, a very kind and special one to my heart. I've been kind of deprived of affection before her.
One day after work, I came home and told her I quit smoking. That I didn't want to tell anyone because it has to be a personal battle I needed to win, but I told her anyway.
Her eyes got big, she smiled wildly, rushed over and planted a kiss on my lips. The kind that tells you it really means something. That it's real.
Her arms wrapped around me and she laughed at me because I had began to tear up I was so happy my self.
That feeling and that memory will never leave me until the day I die. That's when I knew I mattered to people.
It Made Her Hate Me More
Getting into a sleeping bag with a very hypothermic girl who I didn't like very much (and the feeling was mutual) to try and bring her body temp up. Then having her cling to me like her life depended on it.
We were in a group of people out for a hike and we got caught in some bad weather. And no, it didn't make us like each other any better. If anything, I think it being me who was saving her life made her hate me more.
I haven't seen or spoken to her since a few months after this happened and it was over 20 years ago. So I'm going to say our friendship never really blossomed.
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Real life contains the scariest horrors you could ask for. So aren't we all living in a horror movie, in a way? At least, these people sure freakin' were.
MisterSnowman69 asked: What was a moment in your life that felt like a horror movie scene?
In the words of the legendary Mary Vivian Pierce in the film Pink Flamingos, “Murder merely relieves tension”. I’m sure the following Redditors felt differently.
Nothing scarier than the woods at night.
Went into a real deep woods hike for only the second time in my life.
My gps broke and had to rely on my compass. Got turned around a few times because I couldn't remember the direction I came from, and it was getting dark. Lost the trail way.
But the woods are weirdly silent in the dark and alone.
It was around 2am by the time I found the trailhead.
Darn foxes.
the simpsons react GIFGiphyMy friend and I got lost late on one foggy night in the Italian countryside. There were rats all over and every once in a while we heard someone scream.
I've never been more sure I was about to get murdered than I was that night.
It was probably a red fox that was screaming.
Could've also been a lynx, but they are much rarer in Italy.
At least she wasn’t speaking in tongues.
My mom is quite the sleep talker, but it's usually pretty short and incoherent when it happens. One night as a teenager, I woke up to her scream-yelling the Hail Mary prayer (my bedroom was across the house and upstairs).
Difficult to get back to sleep after that one.
Sometimes scary sh*t ends up just being funny coincidences. Super funny. Right?
Don’t give them any ideas.
I was exploring an abandoned mental asylum and then got the scare of my life when a scary looking person inside one of the rooms was just staring at me without moving. Turns out some joker had left a cardboard cutout there.
And now I have plans this weekend... Just need to find a couple of cardboard cutouts and to break into the local abandoned asylum.
Don’t you hate when that happens?
Evil Dead Horror GIF by Coolidge Corner TheatreGiphyI was driving home on backcountry roads at midnight in heavy fog. Like can't see 10 feet in front of you thick. Suddenly I see an all-white silhouette running in front of the car. Every hair on my body stood up. I immediately think "oh god, oh f*ck, it's a f*cking woman in white, I'm gonna f*cking die"
Nope just a drunk who dove into the ditch.
Gotta love paranoia.
When I was about 12, my parents went out for dinner leaving me home alone. We lived out in the country, on a private road with only three other houses, surrounded by cow fields and wooded areas.
I went into the the kitchen and glanced out the window towards the trees and there in the fading light I could see a person walking slowly through the woods. They were wearing all black, moving slowly and appeared to pause behind trees. My heart started pounding so hard in my ears I couldn't hear anything else and I was weak and shaky from fear. I froze and just watched them. Would they come to the house? Where were they going?
This was before cell phones but I suddenly remembered my mom had left the number of the restaurant by the living room phone. Slowly, I made my way towards the living room, trying to watch this stranger in the woods.
Just as I entered the living room, all the lights in the entire house went out. By this time it was nearly dark outside. I started openly sobbing and in the dark I heard a weird boom like noise. That was it, I ran to my parents room, hid under their bed and sobbed. That's where my mom found me hours later (it felt like).
Well, turns out the stranger in the woods was a stupid cow that had busted through a fence, the lights going out was from an accident a few miles away (hit the power line) and the boom was the pilot light in the gas stove. Man, I have never been that scared in my life though!
I have a lot of questions.
A naked man who was covered in blood chased me across a park at 2 in the morning. I was totally alone. He just wanted money for a bus (????) and luckily nothing bad happened but I thought I was going to die.
But of course, the genuine horrors do exist. And they aren’t scary in a fun horror movie way, they’re actually terrifying because they can happen to anyone.
A scary few seconds.
car chase GIF by Mayans M.C.GiphyI am a "baby" in a car seat in between cousins in backseat. Dad is driving. This is in the 80s and it is my aunt's insistence that I am in this seat even though I am like 5.
A sleeping semi driver is coming over into our lane and there is a cliff on other side. Basically my dad did some amazing driving but semi blew us up. I am uninjured sitting in the seat swinging my legs while everyone is unconscious. They all wake groaning. Dad doesnt wake up.
Long story short just minor scrapes and dad has broken leg. But the crunch of metal and those few seconds/minute of being the only "alive" person was quite fear inducing.
Glad they’re all ok now.
Two days after my now boyfriend told me he liked me he fell from a zip line and broke his back. Almost died. 6 months later he got into a car wreck from a drunk driver - almost died. 6 months after that, he passed out and had to have emergency brain surgery, again, almost died. I now have severe anxiety/separation anxiety/and ptsd. That whole year was a f*cking nightmare
Edit: we're both okay now, the brain injury was almost a year ago. But TBIs take a while to heal so he still has side effects. Thankfully our relationship is still strong; he's physically getting better and I'm healing emotionally too. Lucky for him, the trauma of the injuries has caused him to forget the majority of the pain and memories of those incidents.
ALWAYS wear a helmet.
Driving home from work at 23, listening to my favorite song.
I pull up to a red light, and see this guy on a motorcycle coming up next to me in the other lane. I rolled down my window to compliment his bike when he stops. He doesn't, and runs the red light. He hits a car going at least 55mph. His motorcycle shatters apart, he goes flying, hits the hood of another car, and lands on the ground and rolls into the curb (no helmet). The car he hit with his motorcycle was totaled. I had to step over his body to talk to the police. He was still alive when they got there. I regret not holding his hand. It was just a normal day, and all of a sudden it felt like the rug was pulled from out beneath me. He was only 18.
Edit: The song was Sunny by Boney M., for those curious
What did we learn today, kids? Foxes scream like humans, shadowy figures are usually cows or drunken rednecks, and once again, PLEASE WEAR A HELMET WHEN YOU RIDE ANY KIND OF BIKE.
Scary sh*t surrounds us. But where there is horror, there are heroes. So next time you think you see a scary figure in the woods, know that Bruce Campbell is probably right around the corner
Hypocrisy is everywhere; it's like a disease. And sadly everyone does it. Some of us indulge in smaller doses than others. But some people live their life by it. Like how can you support civil servants, like police, firefighters, etc... yet try to find ways to hide money in order to not pay taxes? Tell me... I'll wait.
Manga...
Hungry Night Court GIF by LaffGiphyItalian moms that say you're too fat then say I'm making grandma cry by not finishing my pasta.
Asian moms too! Not only that if you try to not eat, they make to go containers for you. Oh, sorry I have to leave, RUNS AT LEAST HAVE SOME FRUIT.
Phonies...
Celebrities positioning themselves as champions for social justice while launching a clothing line with no comment on the labor conditions their garments are made in.
Sexy Times...
The Porn Industry
Why is prostitution considered a crime, but it becomes perfectly legal once a camera is put beside them?
I think the first amendment helps with that one. There's been many a supreme-court case about whether porn is protected speech.
Mirror, Mirror on the Wall...
You can get away with WAY more crap, in general, when you're attractive.
But we all kind of aspire to attractiveness and it's not like it's attractive people's fault, exactly. So what is there to be done?
So true. Money and beauty are treated like virtues and they aren't. They're luck of the draw. It probably helps you to be a better person if people assume that you are gentle and clever just by looking at your face or wallet.
KIDS
GIF by MOODMANGiphyPeople screaming at you if you don't want Kids and Kids are the greatest thing in the World and then turn around and whine how expensive they are and how annoying yadda yadda.
Yeah see... humans are a mess. And too often then not, personal conviction and dignity are just a myth, or a punchline. Double standards have always been a way of life. And many of us have begrudgingly learned to navigate.
Fashion
Fashion Model GIF by NYFW: The ShowsGiphyIf a skinny person wears something out of the ordinary, it's a fashion statement and awesome. It can even just be something like a crop top or overalls.
But God forbid a fat person wear the same thing.
Distractions
The hypocrisy hypocrisy. People love to call it out but rarely notice it on themselves and if they notice it then it's something completely different or a distraction.
That's the worst. I hate that I have to hate that. But if I don't hate it, then the hate will just continue. So, really, my hate comes from my love of an end to hate. So anyone who hates my hate hates love. And we must hate anyone who hates love!
My Morality
My own personal hypocrisy; When I was a lot less well off financially, delivering pizzas trying to get through college, I kept a cup of coins in my car. When a homeless person would approach me for spare change, I gave them the cup. Most of the time it was nearly full, so there was probably 20-30 dollars in there.
Now that I have a good salaried job, even if I've got a few bucks in my wallet, I tend to not even make eye contact anymore. I know it's awful, I know it makes me crappy, but the last 4-5 years have made me a jaded craphead towards people in general. I used to be so hopeful and I wanted to help everyone, and tried to live a life that reflected that.
Now, while my general and political morality is pretty much the same, my personal morality has gotten more grey. I'd jaded, I hate people, I assume the worst of people I used to assume the best of. I don't really care about the strangers around me like I used to, but I still expect everyone else to.
Placing Blame
Victim mentality.
It's so freaking frustrating when it becomes entrenched. "You did this, it's your fault" "you should've known to do x, its your fault" Yeah bro your problems aren't my problems and if all you do is make excuses and blame me for them, it's not going to be my fault when you don't develop as a person and accomplish your dreams. I'm sure they'll find someone to blame though.
In D.C.
Donald Trump Reaction GIF by Election 2016GiphyPoliticians work part time, are given free housing, education, and health care, and exempt from the everyday violence we experience, but refuse to lift a finger to help us.
At this points most people running for a position in the government are only in it for the benefits of being a politician and the amount of money they can embezzle. Well in my country at least.
Just speak a truth and live it. Yes, it maybe hard. But what part of life isn't? Hypocrisy is just lying. Plain and simple. And it's a sin to lie.
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