The final girl runs through the woods to escape the killer who somehow manages to keep up with her despite limiting himself to a casual stroll, machete in hand. When she makes her way back to the clearing and sees her car, its chrome glinting brilliantly in the moonlight, she dives behind the steering wheel, fetches her spare keys from up top, and pops the right one into the ignition only for the engine to refuse to turn over. The car won't start, and the killer is somewhere out there.
Sounds familiar? Of course it does. Let's end this, shall we?
(1/20)
Every driving scene that involves talking always has the driver maintaining eye contact with the passenger for more than 10 seconds at a time. Like who does this in real life? It's incredibly dangerous. When I'm talking while driving I ALWAYS keep my eyes on the road. Looking away for a mere 3 seconds at high speed is enough to crash into something.
(2/20)
Computers aren't magical devices. Hacking into them isn't mashing on the keyboard for a few seconds. And even if you do if you do manage to hack in, you don't magically become god.
That being said, I love it when movies use nmap (it's a real tool and is incredibly useful even to non-hackers).
(3/20)
Besides high school students always looking like they are in their 20s, they always have amazing hair. Even the background extras have beautiful well done hair. I have been to high schools, it's all buns, frizz, shag and absence of any product use except for a few and goes for some teachers, too. Also, where are the kids with mild acne and wrinkled clothes?
(4/20)
Movies have a lot of sins regarding guns:
- infinite ammo: an assault rifle (M4/M16) on full auto with a standard mag will empty in about 3 sec, yet movies shows them firing continuously for minutes
- tables are not bullet proof
- car doors are not bullet proof - at all. No special bullets needed, anything will go right through.
- it is a lot harder to hit your target with a handgun than movies portray
- silencers are not magic: in reality, a silencer lowers the sound of a gun shot from about 165db to around 130db - the level of a jackhammer.
- shooting the vast majority of things will not cause them to explode. Pretty much the only thing that will explode when shot is tannerite.
(5/20)
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BIG ROMANTIC CONFESSIONS OF LOVE-
"Judy, I love the way you eat your painkillers and Pringles together. I love how you wipe your nose on the sleeve of your shirt and offer it to the dog to lick. And I know we've only known each other for a month where I stalked you, stabbed you, and almost killed your 'supposedly' evil boyfriend, but I'm in love with you. Irrevocably! I know, you are, too! Don't deny yourself of this wonderful, wonderful feeling called 'love,' because honey, I love you even when you wear your panties inside out and go to work like its no big deal. Err... What I'm trying to say is that I'm the ONE. I'm the one who'll enjoy watching you turn scarlet in front of this crowd as I make a big, romantic gesture."
(6/20)
I may be the only one, but I am not a fan of audio in movies and their dynamic range; talking scenes are quiet while scenes with more action are way too loud. I find myself turning up my TV to hear dialogue then turning it back down so my neighbors don't complain... it's like an audio roller coaster. Ie Mad Max Fury Road.
(7/20)
Treating the audience like we're idiots. We don't need every little details explained to us through asinine dialogue that people would never say in real life or, worse, excessive narration. Let the story speak for itself through good pacing, world-building and implied details.
(8/20)
It's not a narrative trope but dogs**t camera work with a thousand cuts to make it feel more "epic."
In ye olden times, martial arts movies had a lot of quick cuts to convey speed- but these were films that lived and died on the beauty of their choreography. More and more Hollywood actions movies emulate that trope, turning action scenes into unwatchable garbage where the camera cuts to a different angle so many times in rapid succession that your brain can't process what you're even seeing!
Arguably the nadir of the trend (so far) has been this infamous clip from Taken 3: featuring 15 cuts in six seconds- for a guy jumping a fence!
Yes, the quick cuts communicate speed, but you know what also communicates speed? People moving quickly.
(9/20)
Hi, I'm a woman in the 1500s with perfectly curled hair, eyeliner and no body hair.
Hi, I'm a woman fighting in the zombie apocalypse but my pony tail stays perfect and I have no armpit hair despite not showering for months.
I could go on and on.
(10/20)
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Scenes where characters go to a crowded dance club to have a conversation about their crime business, but are somehow able to hear each other without shouting and asking to repeat each other.
"WHAT?!" (ooonz oonz ooonz)
"I SAID the DRUGS are coming (oonz oonz) in TOMORROW AT THE (oonz oonz) DOCKS"
"Of course I'm bringing my Glock! But (oonz oonz) where do I meet you to pick up the drugs?!?!?!!"
"AT THE DOCKS!!!!"
"Ok, I'll see you at 3 o'clock!!!!"
(11/20)
Final fight, bad guy vs good guy. The first 70% of the fight the good guy is going to get his a** handed to him. He's gonna be slow, stand around waiting for the punch to hit him and generally just be a way worse fighter than he was throughout the whole movie so far.
Then suddenly he gets magical strength from somewhere and f**ks up the bad guy.
I so loved Taken when the final mastermind guy just got point blank taken out before he could even finish his first sentence.
(12/20)
Epic battle ensues. Male and female leads re-unite briefly in the middle of the melee.
"We have to put a stop to this! And fast!"
"I know! Too many people are dying! Time is of the essence!"
Turn to leave. One of them reaches to stop the protagonist momentarily to plant a big long kiss on them while people CONTINUE TO DIE ALL AROUND THEM AND ONLY THEY CAN STOP IT!
(13/20)
Whenever a family eats breakfast, there is a MASSIVE, unrealistic spread.
I'm talking like fruit salad for days, stacks upon stacks of delicious pancakes. sausage and bacon, etc...then some emo-nerd will pop down the stairs for 2 seconds, drop some dumbass line like, 'I'm late, gotta run!' and grab a lame ass piece of unbuttered toast.
(14/20)
Investigator: "Can you clear up that image of the finger print from the steering wheel of that car? Enhance."
Computer Tech: zooms in
Investigator: "ENHANCE"
Computer Tech: zooms in
Investigator: "ENHANCE"
Computer Tech: zooms in
clear image with no loss of resolution appears on the giant screen
Investigator: "Great. Let's run that through AFIS"
bleepbloopbleep 2 seconds later
Computer Tech: "We've got a hit."
(15/20)
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Need blood for some ritual or pact? Let's just slice down our palms, which is an extremely annoying place to have a wound because it means you can barely use your hand anymore without pain. Oh wait, let's just forget that and let them have full use of their hand in the next fight scene.
Seriously, there are so many better places to get blood if they really need it that makes much more sense than that.
(16/20)
When the movie is literally too dark to see anything. I get they want to create a certain ambience, but when I'm finding it hard to find the character in the scene it's a bit much.
"I prefer marvel films, because DC films are too dark."
"Oh, too edgy for you?"
"No. I literally can't see what the f**k is going on"
(17/20)
I hate the age differences between the male and female love interests in some movies. One movie I recently saw had a male actor who was in his 50s, his wife 20s and they had a teenage daughter together (how does that happen...). Another had the female lead around the same age as the male, but kept saying she was too old for him and making a big deal of the (nonexistent) age difference.
Also having make up on the actors in an apocalypse/in mornings/etc. I actually really like when movies show the people in a more natural and normal way, it takes away the realism for me otherwise.
(18/20)
Portraying snow, ice and cold in general extremely inaccurately. It's very common even in the high budget productions, and it drives me absolutely mad! Some common stereotypes are:
- ice breaks in unnatural ways, usually ends up with the bad guys being sweeped under
- all ice is white, even on lakes and when there's no snow or frost anywhere else
- all characters can either immediately walk on ice/skate/ski like they have done that all their lives or are incredibly clumsy, yet nobody slips unless it's an important plot point (like falling in the arms of someone)
- being in a very cold enviroment doesn't affect anyone, characters faces gain zero reddish hue and sometimes even them breathing doesn't make mist, there's no wind or the wind doesn't affect anyone
- running around without a hat or gloves in general when it's supposed to be very cold
- all snow is the kind that requires minus degrees in celcius, no sleet or snow melting or mixing with dirt exists
- the snow doesn't reflect any light or sparkle the slightest, all nights are completely dark even if there's snow everywhere
etc. etc.
There are so many commonly used tropes that I'm convinced nobody in the production industry has actually seen any real snow or lived in northern parts of the world. It's 2019 already - the special effects have evolved so much it shouldn't be that hard to stay away from many inaccuracies! Every damn production needs a snow and ice supervisor.
(19/20)
"I have to tell you something impor....."
"Shut up! I don't have time to listen to you". And then this person runs off.
"But I was going to tell you that I didn't cheat on you with your sister. It was all an innocent misunderstanding that I'm positive will make you smile. I also wanted to tell you that the bomb is hidden inside the teddy bear and the killer is actually Joe's mom. Not Joe. And I could have easily explained all of this in less than 1 minute if we were in the real world where people actually talk to each other like adults instead of acting like some basement dwelling virgin writer whose entire outlook has been shaped by the works of other basement dwelling virgin writers thinks adults act like."
(20/20)
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When movies depict huge cities, even the downtown areas, as being practically deserted after dark. Like, no one at all other than the protagonists. Ever been in Manhattan at 3 a.m.? That place ain't dark or quiet.
It annoyed me in Fight Club, with the demolition of the skyscrapers at the end. It made it look like the entire city was asleep when the bombs went off, when, realistically, there just had to have been collateral damage, even if they had evacuated the buildings. Unless they somehow managed to shut down several entire blocks of the city, there would've been taxis driving or parked nearby, newspapers getting delivered, drunks and homeless people wandering around, stores and restaurants being stocked for the next day...
When we're intoxicated, or even the slightest bit tipsy from having a little too much to drink, our immediate perspective on things is hazy.
But there's nothing like a bit of alarming news or a jarring incident to snap us out of the fog and focus on the moment.
Sometimes alcohol isn't always to blame for our impairment.
It can be a state of mind, like a perpetual numbness from being complacent in life, and all it takes is one shocking moment to rattle us back to our senses.
Curious to hear from strangers online about this type of scenario, Redditor Known_Challenge_7150 asked:
"What’s one thing that sobered you up real quick?"
These individuals were witness to shocking events that sobered them up right quick.
Bleeding Out
"Got out of a taxi and found a naked man profusely bleeding from his head crawling up the driveway in my condo. Called him an ambulance completely forgot I was absolutely wasted until 45 minutes later when I'd helped him translate and in to an amublance and stepped in my front door."
"Later a few days later learned he'd slipped in the tub and literally crawled out for help. Poor dude. He was fine but I genuinely thought he was going to die there."
– DongLaiCha
Tragic News
"At a bachelor party and we got a phone call that the groom’s father had suddenly passed."
– accountnameredacted
Bottom Of The Barrel
"I went to visit my parents back in July. I was homeless and deep into fentanyl addiction so I lost a lot of weight. My folks could see it. They knew something was up. Anyway, I spent the night and I was getting ready to leave in the morning and I looked at myself in the mirror for a good long time. I finally had enough and told them everything. They took me to detox, from there I went to rehab. Graduated in August and been living with them ever since then. I have 160 days clean and sober."
– Crotch-Monster
A reality check can be enough for some people to snap out of it.
Like Father, Like Son
"Was driving a drunk friend home, he had been on a bender again and was smart enough to call me for a lift rather than try and drive. As I helped in to his house his mother came down the stairs and said 'your as drunk as your father' and went back upstairs. I haven't seen him drunk since then, he still drinks but the thought of turning into his dad scared him out of hard drinking."
– psycospaz
Busted
"Flashing blue lights."
– FiddleOfGold
"This sobered me up just thinking about it."
– redmaple_syrup
Losing Sight
"Woke up to no sight in one eye. I had cataract surgery so just thought one of the lenses had slipped and it was an easy fix. Eye doc says nope, you had a stroke. I loved soy sauce, teriyaki sauce and salty food, which caused high blood pressure, which caused retina damage. Over six months was able to get most of my eyesight back with medication, and all back within a year. Trying to navigate life with one eye was very sobering. Started taking HBP much more seriously."
– MissHibernia
Quitting The Bottle
"Looked up someone I went to highschool with who was an awesome guy. Found out he had been dead for 3 years from alcoholism, at age 33. I made an overnight change. I hadn't started drinking that night yet, 10 months ago. Haven't touched it again since."
– omgtater
These disturbing moments were enough for Redditors to immediately come to their senses.
Unplanned House Guests
"Me and a buddy Woke up in someone’s living room, realized neither one of us knew the people, they were just nice and let 2 drunk guys sleep on their living room floor. We didn’t even say goodbye."
– Oneinsevenbillion75
Serious Health Warning
"Elevated liver enzymes."
"And the knowledge that this sh** was gonna kill me and I just couldn't orphan my family over it."
"So I opted for recovery, instead."
"Clean and sober since June 5, 2009."
– Far_Meal8674
The Joyride
"Grew up in a rural area. The little town hosted dances at the hockey arena, everyone (adults and kids) went and they overserved everyone, regardless of age. I was maybe 16 or 17 and was absolutely sh*tfaced, and jumped in the back of someone's truck with about 8 other people to go back to someone's cottage for after dance drinking. The driver (still don't know who it was) started racing one of his buddies and we whipped around small dirt roads, flying around blind corners on the wrong side of the road, going god knows how fast. It was basically a disaster waiting to happen. It was crazy scary and I was sober and thankful to be alive when we finally arrived."
– foxfood9116
The human psyche is a fascinating thing, isn't it?
How we can automatically focus on something urgent at a crucial time, even after getting buzzed from drinking too much alcohol.
But as we're in the thick of the holidays, it's a good reminder to drink responsibly and stay off the roads if you drive to your celebratory destination.
Cheers. Stay safe. And happy holidays.
We've all complained or vented about something in our lives which, in the grand scheme of things, wasn't exactly a problem, or is very easily solved.
Then there are those who complain about things that others almost hope will happen to them at some point in their lives.
These are known as "first world problems", as they are problems that pretty much only the world's one percent faces.
From having to fly business class instead of first class, or being served Roederer instead of Dom Pérignon, these complaints are often met with amusement, bewilderment, or even anger.
Redditor jennimackenzie was curious to hear the most absurd "first world problems" anyone ever complained about, leading them to ask:
"What’s the most ridiculous 'first world problem' you’ve seen people get worked up over?"
"Tale As Old As Time..."
"I once knew a mom who was legitimately devastated, to the point of tears/grief, because a doctor predicted her 8 year old daughter's final height to be around 5'2","
"Which wasn't tall enough to get cast as Belle at Disney World."
"That was the child's (and her mother's) only dream in life, apparently."
"Didn't appreciate my suggestion that she could be Minnie or Mickey."
"Lol!"
"Only a face character would do!"- TravelLovingMom
"Must Be Funny, In A Rich Man's World..."
"My boss from about a decade ago was this insanely rich dude who always went to the bank to get fresh and crisp currency."
"He'd call the bank in advance to make sure they had some on hand."
"I think he was a germaphobe."
"He had a trash can that he'd throw $1 and $5 bills in that he thought was 'dirty' and regularly just donated it vs spending it."
"I asked him why he did this and he said it was too much trouble and asked if I wanted it."
"I said f*ck yeah dumped it into my bag and when I got home it was close to $400 in singles and fives.
"Another time, he wanted to upgrade all the computers in his studio, so we went to a store and bought 10 PCs."
"They all had $150 mail in rebates and he wasn't bothered to go through the trouble of mailing them in."
"3 weeks later I received $1500 after spending a whole afternoon filling out all those goddamn forms."- azninvasion2000
Money Burn GIF by nog
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Who Wore It Better?
"When I was about 19 years old, I was at my boyfriends family BBQ."
"I was wearing this pretty floral sundress."
"His cousins girlfriend showed up in the same dress and she was SO mad that she went and changed."
"I will never understand being upset when someone is wearing the same thing as you.'
"Did you really think that your shirt you bought off the rack is going to be unique to you?"
"No."- mertsey627
Seeing Red! Or Blue In This Case...
"The blue of the balloons wasn't quite the same as the bridesmaid's sashes."
"Years ago my wife and I attended a wedding."
"It was very low key."
"The dinner was in the dining hall at the university where the couple met, cinder block walls and all."
"It was a Baptist wedding - no booze and very serious."
"The dark blue balloons attempting to liven up the hall were a slightly darker shade of blue than the sashes on the bridesmaid's dresses."
"The bride lost here sh*t and absolutely raved for nearly an hour."
"I can't remember how they finally managed to talk her down."- mechant_papa
south park wedding GIF
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See You In Court!
"Rich neighbors who end up in expensive court battles because they disagree about where a tree can be planted or whether the color of a fence fits in with the street’s 'amenity'."
'These disputes get really heated and rack up huge lawyers’ bills."
"The most pathetic part is after the judgement when they are arguing about who should pay the other party’s costs."
"Lots of affidavits filed citing the 'emotional distress' they had to endure, or painting themselves as brave warriors who were forced to take a stand to fight for 'justice'."
"Also lots of pompous litigants insisting that the judge refer to them by their 'Dr' title."
"An absolutely insane dumpster fire of entitled rich people problems."- ElectrocRaisin
It's Always People With Money Who Don't Want To Pay!
"I work in a public library."
"People will get so so mad if they have to be put on a wait list for a book."
"A popular book that just came out."
"Ok our services are not only free but so are the books."
"You’re welcome, a**holes."- Switchbladekitten
A Warm Butt Is A Happy Butt!
"My own."
"We have a bidet toilet seat (Fabulous! Everyone should have one!) and not only does it wash your bum and blow dry it, but the seat's heated!"
"It's shocking how much a heated toilet seat makes the whole process more agreeable."
"Except: We had a power outage and I went to use the toilet and the seat was cold!"
"Unacceptable!"
"This shall not stand!"
"I was really upset because it didn't feel good."
"Then I stopped and thought: This is the most first-world problem anyone's ever had."
"I was really pissed because my heiny was tepid."
"I got over it."- DeathGrover
homer simpson episode 23 GIF
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Holy Matrimony!
"Weddings are a gold mine for this question."
"People get so hyped up over their 'most important day of their life'."
"They'll destroy friendships, go into debt, and have crazy expectations."
"It's not always the couple who go crazy, either."
"Sometimes, it's the parents or another family member who feels entitled to control the wedding."
"It's just a party."
"Be considerate of guests, have plenty of food and drinks, and enjoy it."- magicrowantree
When Fast Food Isn't Fast Enough...
"Having to pull off to the side to wait for a drive-thru order to be brought out to you because your food isn't ready and there's a line building up behind you."- demanbmore
In Case You Don't Think Customer Service Employees Are Undervalued...
"I was working the return desk at a Target next to a military base so I have so many stories."
"One of my favorites was a lady who had her baby shower before revealing the gender and was livid that she had received floral newborn diapers when she’s having a boy."
"It was a huge box of super expensive, all organic diapers, that we didn’t carry and therefore could not return."
"I cannot accurately express her fury and disgust."
"How dare either suggest her boy could wear feminine diapers."
"I suggested she donate them if she didn’t want to use them and she instead threw away the entire box."
"When she left we pulled it out and threw it in our donate bin."
"There have also been multiple times where mom’s order massive toys and when we bring them out to the car they get furious that they aren’t wrapped."
"We don’t offer wrapping services."
"Here’s the thing, if you don’t want your kids to see the toys you got them for Christmas or their bit to day DON'T BRING THE CHILD WHEN YOU PICK IT UP."
'I’ve had multiple women scream and curse me out that I had ruined their kids Christmas by bringing the toys they ordered out to the car like they requested."- clever-mermaid-mae
Customer Service Waiting GIF by Juno Calypso
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Happiest Place On Earth!
"I used to work for Disney."
"That in itself should tell you everything."
"However for fun I'll give you two specific stories one form our tech department and one from my wife who worked bookings."
"I specifically worked for their call center to help with technical issues with magic band and the website."
"Suddenly got worse huh?"
"A right of passage call everyone has at least one story of is the 'Dome call'."
"Basically there is a subset of Disney Guest (TM) that believes if it rains at Walt Disney world there is someone that will push a button to encapsulate the whole of Disney property in a dome to keep out the rain."
"I'm not kidding."
"If this button is not pushed they call our tech department to angrily ask why."
"My wife worked booking."
"Pretty much everything including Bibbidi Bobbidi boutique and Pirate's league."
"These two things did roughly the same thing difference being price and theme."
"BBB was expensive did more and was focused on princesses, pirates league did a bit less and focused on mermaids and pirates."
"Lady called up my wife, and got pissed about BBB being booked up (It goes FAAAAST)."
"Karen: 'Im going to give the phone to my daughter and I want you to tell her how you are ruining her vacation by not letting her do BBB'."
"Wife proceeds to explain how pirate's league is so much cooler and how she can be a mermaid or pirate and basically gets the kid to start demanding to their parents about how they want to be a mermaid instead of a princess."- trollsong
Disney World GIF
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The horror!
Being booked into a junior suite at Disney World instead of an executive suite!
It's almost as bad as having no money for groceries, or no food to feed you children...
Said absolutely no one.