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People Reveal What Long Con They're Running IRL

For years my entire (very large) family conspired together to convince me that he moon followed me around personally like a happy little puppy. It sounds ridiculous to type now that I'm in my 30's, but 5 year old me didn't think to question something my family so calmly presented as fact. That didn't change until I was almost ten, but shush - kids trust their families.

What I'm saying is I have no experience pulling a long con, but I can assure you the secret to delivering one is to never, ever waiver and to master the art of keeping a straight face.

I promise I've totally since forgiven my family for being a traitorous pack of liars. One Reddit user asked:

What's your "long con"?

Here's a list of long-term liars who were able to pull off some long cons that even I have to begrudgingly admit are kind of useful and maybe a little funny. Some have been edited for clarity or language.

Gaslighting Dizzy Izzy

I used to work with a young lady named Isobel. We called her Dizzy Izzy because she was a whirlwind of disorganization. My boss at the time and I decided she needed to be more organized.

Every time she did something disorganized we would say, "Isobel, that's so unlike you! Usually you are so organized!" Being organized started becoming part of how she viewed herself. She started to hate it when she was disorganized.

I think we made a self-fulfilling prophecy.

- meri_bassai

Change The Sheets

A few years ago, I realized that my husband always wanted to have sex whenever I had changed the sheets. I don't think he's ever put two and two together, but when I want some action, I change the sheets! It's a sure thing and has been going on for 7 years now!

- ChampagneRaven

Allergic To Koalas

I convinced my neighbor kid he is allergic to koalas. It started out when I caught him sneezing outside and I casually mentioned it was due to the koala migration. It just built from there.

It's of note we don't reside in Australia.

- Mordecai-260

Getting In Good With Our Future Robot Overlords

I make it a point to occasionally post pro-robot comments on multiple websites. This is to account for the future when robots rule the Earth and are able to trace comments on the internet back to individuals.

The only thing they will have on me is that I am 100% on their side. All hail our future cyber overlords!

- TrolliciousCuisine


I have an eight year old daughter. Ever since she was a toddler any time she, or anyone else mentioned milkshakes I would say something like "careful, they'll bring all the boys to the yard."

When she was a toddler she used to check the yard for boys if we ever made milkshakes. As she got older she started rolling her eyes at me and saying "That's just one of your jokes, and it's not even funny!"

To my knowledge she has never heard the song and my hope is that someday when she does it'll be the longest payoff of any joke I've ever told or played.

- IWillKickU

Cursed Family Portrait

My roommate and I found a picture of this white family we didn't know in one of our tool sheds. I made a joke that it was some cursed picture or something. He threw it away, and later on I got it out of the trash and put it in one of his old photo albums. One day he'll find it and have no clue how it got there.

For some reason, I find that hilarious.

- botron72

Winston, My Imaginary Cat

My coworkers think I have a cat. His name is Winston.

I use him as an excuse to get out of awkward work related social events: "I'd love to go to happy hour, thanks, but I have to get home and feed the cat."

I even have a photograph of some random cat on my phone in case anyone asks to see Winston.

I don't have a cat. And I occasionally chuckle to myself at the thought of Winston, my imaginary cat.

- BartholomewOobleck

Half An Inch

Every day after work my favorite colleague and I would go to our other colleagues desk and move everything half an inch and would sit in his chair and slightly adjust it. It was the best thing ever watching him come in each morning and try figure out wtf happened.

- littlebetenoire

Bottle Caps

I hide bottle caps around the house for my wife to stumble upon. In her pillowcase, purse, random drawers, anywhere unexpected really. If we ever move out of this house the new owners will be finding them for years.

The best are when I can plant one on her without her noticing, like in her pockets or gently placing it on her head when she's preoccupied.

- derek_the_deliman

The Keyzer Soze 

I once was tasked with remotely managing a few departments across several stores for the company I worked for and on occasion meeting with them in person and also auditing them. They had some issues that needed resolved and nothing had worked so far. Each store was like the wild west with nothing being the exactly the same between stores. Coupled with poor oversight from corporate, it was a hot mess.

Being significantly younger than those I would be managing, I decided to get creative in the event their may be some resistance. I was proven correct. Luckily the president of the company was on board with my idea.

In the beginning for every interaction over the phone I would act disorganized and kind of slow. When we met in person, I would walk with a bad limp. When they visited my office it would look terribly disorganized. When we spoke, I would never lead the conversation unless I had to and would ask lousy questions. I also spoke low and soft. I kept this up for 4 months. The goal was to get them to think I was a poor fit and borderline incompetent for the job. In other words I was "small" and therefore off their radar.

What they did not realize is while I was doing this, I was actually learning how their store conducted business and finding issues and weak spots. Every audit's results were going into the master file. All the issues were being listed and solutions being considered.

Once they thought I was weak/dumb, they became less guarded and did not consider me a threat. They allowed me proper unfettered access to their records (which I should have had anyway) because they though I couldn't understand them. At the end of the four months we had a managers meeting. I walked to the podium, without the limp, spoke in a projected and commanding voice, with authority, explained my credentials, and spent the next hour covering the issues that were found, how we were going to move forward, and laid down the consequences for non-compliance.

It achieved the desired results and they were very surprised they had been duped. Some were angry, more due to the fact their days of doing what they wanted were over. Some quit soon after but departments improved and numbers went up.

- Agreeable_Chemical

Angry Face 

My office is next to the floor's bathroom. People pass all the time. People want to stop and visit because I don't know why.

I started to, when I hear footsteps approach, put on an angry face and act all concentrated at whatever it is I'm currently doing on the computer. Usually this is various forms of reddit.

Intended effect: people stop stopping by and interrupt my reddit.

Unintended effect: people think I'm a diligent worker and really give it my all.

I've started to act more angry at things at work. Instead of zoning out during boring presentations I stare at that powerpoint like a Wild West Showdown at High Noon.

Today I did about two hours of work, but honest to god my boss just passed to the bathroom (stop working angry face), and passed back (angry face at the news on tv), and he stopped, knocked on my door and said:
"hey don't burn yourself out".

Right. Yes boss. Sigh. Relax. Rub my eyes a bit. "Whats going on what do you need?"

"Nothing, you're doing good work."

I've been here 18 months. I am the best at my job. I only do about 2 hours of work a day.

- PitifulSandwich

Shut Up!

In sophomore year of high school I asked my friend to borrow his phone to text my mom. I went to his setting and changed "haha" to auto correct to "SHUT UP!!" (lame, I know.)

Anyways during my freshman year of college we were texting and catching up and he sends me "SHUT UP!!" then followed it up with "sorry my phone has done that forever. Idk how to make it stop".

I completely forgot about my little prank but damn it made me laugh to see he never fixed it.

- RonWithTheVoice

Random Alarms

I had a friend in college who left his phone out unsupervised a lot. I eventually learned his password by watching him unlock his phone (it was one of those 9 dot passwords.) I set a few alarms on his phone to go off on Saturday morning at 4am. I set them up for months or years ahead and would include a message like, "Remember, (my name) loves you".

We were in the same program, so we shared classes for five years. Having him come into class annoyed at me was always hilarious since I had forgotten about them by that time. The fun went away when he got a new phone. Haha

- Witchunter32

Fruit Loops And Cancer

I told a 6 year old that his favorite cereal, Fruit Loops, would give him cancer because of all the red dye in it. 14 years later at 20 years old he still won't touch them for this reason.

- UBootCaptain

The Ultimate Rick Roll

My sister has drop tile ceilings in her basement. I have put a cheap burner cell phone in that ceiling, so it's under her main floor. I downloaded never gonna give you up as the ring tone and every once in a while I call it. When I visit, I take the phone out and charge it and then put it back. I hope she never figures it out.

- coulsonsrobohand

Pancake Mold Is Beautiful

I convinced a couple of friends that I collected pancakes. I do collect things, but not that!

Nevertheless, they were riding home from a party with me and both were feeling extremely bummed out by something that had happened there. So I started talking about my pancake collection: how I kept the interesting ones whenever I was served pancakes and took them home and kept them in trunks. I would take them out from time to time to admire them, I told them, especially the pretty colors and patterns in the mold.

Let's just say they stopped thinking about themselves. But they didn't call me on it, and I never broke character or ever mentioned it was a joke.

Months down the line I started a relationship with one of them and she confessed, long after, that at one time she'd searched my apartment for the trunks. ;-)

- Tall_Mickey

The Scottish Reveal

I spent an entire semester in college pretending to be Scottish, but only in my theater class. It was the last class in my block for that semester, so on the first couple days I studied the faces of all my classmates to be sure no one was in both my theater class and any other. I told everyone I was from Dundee, Scotland (a city I've been to a couple times/ my old exchange student lives there) and spent a lot of time practicing the accent. On the last day of class before the exam we gave group presentations. I made sure my group was last, and after we gave our presentation I followed up with my reveal.

I only did it to see if I could, and I did.

- thekfish

The Red Dot

My cats don't know that I control the red dot.

- umanouski

Color Blind

My senior year of high school I had the whole school convinced I was color blind. Not red/green color blind or anything like that, like 100% black and white was all I saw. Nobody could prove me wrong and it just kinda became my identity as "the color blind guy." Then on the last day of school I told everyone, and they were all so mad.

Then I did it again when I started working at my current job. Got transferred recently and told everyone at my old store on my last day, same reaction. Kept that one up for about 2 years. Absolutely worth it both times.

- cheezus_lives

Merry Christmas

Every year when I get my property tax bill for the vehicles, I set up an auto-withdraw weekly for that amount divided by 52, headed to an online savings account. I never notice the $17/week gone, and the next year's property tax is lower as the value decreases. Come December when I get the next bill, I suddenly have $200 extra.

Yeah, I'm conning myself into saving for Christmas, but whatever works.

- amandabee8

H/T: Reddit

People Reveal The Weirdest Thing About Themselves

Reddit user Isitjustmedownhere asked: 'Give an example; how weird are you really?'

Let's get one thing straight: no one is normal. We're all weird in our own ways, and that is actually normal.

Of course, that doesn't mean we don't all have that one strange trait or quirk that outweighs all the other weirdness we possess.

For me, it's the fact that I'm almost 30 years old, and I still have an imaginary friend. Her name is Sarah, she has red hair and green eyes, and I strongly believe that, since I lived in India when I created her and there were no actual people with red hair around, she was based on Daphne Blake from Scooby-Doo.

I also didn't know the name Sarah when I created her, so that came later. I know she's not really there, hence the term 'imaginary friend,' but she's kind of always been around. We all have conversations in our heads; mine are with Sarah. She keeps me on task and efficient.

My mom thinks I'm crazy that I still have an imaginary friend, and writing about her like this makes me think I may actually be crazy, but I don't mind. As I said, we're all weird, and we all have that one trait that outweighs all the other weirdness.

Redditors know this all too well and are eager to share their weird traits.

It all started when Redditor Isitjustmedownhere asked:

"Give an example; how weird are you really?"

Monsters Under My Bed

"My bed doesn't touch any wall."

"Edit: I guess i should clarify im not rich."

– Practical_Eye_3600

"Gosh the monsters can get you from any angle then."

– bikergirlr7

"At first I thought this was a flex on how big your bedroom is, but then I realized you're just a psycho 😁"

– zenOFiniquity8

Can You See Why?

"I bought one of those super-powerful fans to dry a basement carpet. Afterwards, I realized that it can point straight up and that it would be amazing to use on myself post-shower. Now I squeegee my body with my hands, step out of the shower and get blasted by a wide jet of room-temp air. I barely use my towel at all. Wife thinks I'm weird."

– KingBooRadley


"In 1990 when I was 8 years old and bored on a field trip, I saw a black Oldsmobile Cutlass driving down the street on a hot day to where you could see that mirage like distortion from the heat on the road. I took a “snapshot” by blinking my eyes and told myself “I wonder how long I can remember this image” ….well."

– AquamarineCheetah

"Even before smartphones, I always take "snapshots" by blinking my eyes hoping I'll remember every detail so I can draw it when I get home. Unfortunately, I may have taken so much snapshots that I can no longer remember every detail I want to draw."

"Makes me think my "memory is full.""

– Reasonable-Pirate902

Same, Same

"I have eaten the same lunch every day for the past 4 years and I'm not bored yet."

– OhhGoood

"How f**king big was this lunch when you started?"

– notmyrealnam3

Not Sure Who Was Weirder

"Had a line cook that worked for us for 6 months never said much. My sous chef once told him with no context, "Baw wit da baw daw bang daw bang diggy diggy." The guy smiled, left, and never came back."

– Frostygrunt


"I pace around my house for hours listening to music imagining that I have done all the things I simply lack the brain capacity to do, or in some really bizarre scenarios, I can really get immersed in these imaginations sometimes I don't know if this is some form of schizophrenia or what."

– RandomSharinganUser

"I do the same exact thing, sometimes for hours. When I was young it would be a ridiculous amount of time and many years later it’s sort of trickled off into almost nothing (almost). It’s weird but I just thought it’s how my brain processes sh*t."

– Kolkeia

If Only

"Even as an adult I still think that if you are in a car that goes over a cliff; and right as you are about to hit the ground if you jump up you can avoid the damage and will land safely. I know I'm wrong. You shut up. I'm not crying."

– ShotCompetition2593

Pet Food

"As a kid I would snack on my dog's Milkbones."

– drummerskillit

"Haha, I have a clear memory of myself doing this as well. I was around 3 y/o. Needless to say no one was supervising me."

– Isitjustmedownhere

"When I was younger, one of my responsibilities was to feed the pet fish every day. Instead, I would hide under the futon in the spare bedroom and eat the fish food."

– -GateKeep-

My Favorite Subject

"I'm autistic and have always had a thing for insects. My neurotypical best friend and I used to hang out at this local bar to talk to girls, back in the late 90s. One time he claimed that my tendency to circle conversations back to insects was hurting my game. The next time we went to that bar (with a few other friends), he turned and said sternly "No talking about bugs. Or space, or statistics or other bullsh*t but mainly no bugs." I felt like he was losing his mind over nothing."

"It was summer, the bar had its windows open. Our group hit it off with a group of young ladies, We were all chatting and having a good time. I was talking to one of these girls, my buddy was behind her facing away from me talking to a few other people."

"A cloudless sulphur flies in and lands on little thing that holds coasters."

"Cue Jordan Peele sweating gif."

"The girl notices my tension, and asks if I am looking at the leaf. "Actually, that's a lepidoptera called..." I looked at the back of my friend's head, he wasn't looking, "I mean a butterfly..." I poked it and it spread its wings the girl says "oh that's a BUG?!" and I still remember my friend turning around slowly to look at me with chastisement. The ONE thing he told me not to do."

"I was 21, and was completely not aware that I already had a rep for being an oddball. It got worse from there."

– Phormicidae

*Teeth Chatter*

"I bite ice cream sometimes."


"That's how I am with popsicles. My wife shudders every single time."


Never Speak Of This

"I put ice in my milk."


"You should keep that kind of thing to yourself. Even when asked."

– We-R-Doomed

"There's some disturbing sh*t in this thread, but this one takes the cake."

– RatonaMuffin

More Than Super Hearing

"I can hear the television while it's on mute."

– Tira13e

"What does it say to you, child?"

– Mama_Skip


"I put mustard on my omelettes."

– Deleted User


– NotCrustOr-filling

Evened Up

"Whenever I say a word and feel like I used a half of my mouth more than the other half, I have to even it out by saying the word again using the other half of my mouth more. If I don't do it correctly, that can go on forever until I feel it's ok."

"I do it silently so I don't creep people out."

– LesPaltaX

"That sounds like a symptom of OCD (I have it myself). Some people with OCD feel like certain actions have to be balanced (like counting or making sure physical movements are even). You should find a therapist who specializes in OCD, because they can help you."

– MoonlightKayla

I totally have the same need for things to be balanced! Guess I'm weird and a little OCD!

Close up face of a woman in bed, staring into the camera
Photo by Jen Theodore

Experiencing death is a fascinating and frightening idea.

Who doesn't want to know what is waiting for us on the other side?

But so many of us want to know and then come back and live a little longer.

It would be so great to be sure there is something else.

But the whole dying part is not that great, so we'll have to rely on other people's accounts.

Redditor AlaskaStiletto wanted to hear from everyone who has returned to life, so they asked:

"Redditors who have 'died' and come back to life, what did you see?"


Happy Good Vibes GIF by Major League SoccerGiphy

"My dad's heart stopped when he had a heart attack and he had to be brought back to life. He kept the paper copy of the heart monitor which shows he flatlined. He said he felt an overwhelming sensation of peace, like nothing he had felt before."



"I had surgical complications in 2010 that caused a great deal of blood loss. As a result, I had extremely low blood pressure and could barely stay awake. I remember feeling like I was surrounded by loved ones who had passed. They were in a circle around me and I knew they were there to guide me onwards. I told them I was not ready to go because my kids needed me and I came back."

"My nurse later said she was afraid she’d find me dead every time she came into the room."

"It took months, and blood transfusions, but I recovered."


Take Me Back

"Overwhelming peace and happiness. A bright airy and floating feeling. I live a very stressful life. Imagine finding out the person you have had a crush on reveals they have the same feelings for you and then you win the lotto later that day - that was the feeling I had."

"I never feared death afterward and am relieved when I hear of people dying after suffering from an illness."



The Light Minnie GIF by (G)I-DLEGiphy

"I had a heart surgery with near-death experience, for me at least (well the possibility that those effects are caused by morphine is also there) I just saw black and nothing else but it was warm and I had such inner peace, its weird as I sometimes still think about it and wish this feeling of being so light and free again."


This is why I hate surgery.

You just never know.



"More of a near-death experience. I was electrocuted. I felt like I was in a deep hole looking straight up in the sky. My life flashed before me. Felt sad for my family, but I had a deep sense of peace."



"Nursing in the ICU, we’ve had people try to die on us many times during the years, some successfully. One guy stood out to me. His heart stopped. We called a code, are working on him, and suddenly he comes to. We hadn’t vented him yet, so he was able to talk, and he started screaming, 'Don’t let them take me, don’t let them take me, they are coming,' he was scared and yelling."

"Then he yelled a little more, as we tried to calm him down, he screamed, 'No, No,' and gestured towards the end of the bed, and died again. We didn’t get him back. It was seriously creepy. We called his son to tell him the news, and the son said basically, 'Good, he was an SOB.'”



"My sister died and said it was extremely peaceful. She said it was very loud like a train station and lots of talking and she was stuck in this area that was like a curtain with lots of beautiful colors (colors that you don’t see in real life according to her) a man told her 'He was sorry, but she had to go back as it wasn’t her time.'"


"I had a really similar experience except I was in an endless garden with flowers that were colors I had never seen before. It was quiet and peaceful and a woman in a dress looked at me, shook her head, and just said 'Not yet.' As I was coming back, it was extremely loud, like everyone in the world was trying to talk all at once. It was all very disorienting but it changed my perspective on life!"


The Fog

"I was in a gray fog with a girl who looked a lot like a young version of my grandmother (who was still alive) but dressed like a pioneer in the 1800s she didn't say anything but kept pulling me towards an opening in the wall. I kept refusing to go because I was so tired."

"I finally got tired of her nagging and went and that's when I came to. I had bled out during a c-section and my heart could not beat without blood. They had to deliver the baby and sew up the bleeders. refill me with blood before they could restart my heart so, like, at least 12 minutes gone."


Through the Walls

"My spouse was dead for a couple of minutes one miserable night. She maintains that she saw nothing, but only heard people talking about her like through a wall. The only thing she remembers for absolute certain was begging an ER nurse that she didn't want to die."

"She's quite alive and well today."


Well let's all be happy to be alive.

It seems to be all we have.

Man's waist line
Santhosh Vaithiyanathan/Unsplash

Trying to lose weight is a struggle understood by many people regardless of size.

The goal of reaching a healthy weight may seem unattainable, but with diet and exercise, it can pay off through persistence and discipline.

Seeing the pounds gradually drop off can also be a great motivator and incentivize people to stay the course.

Those who've achieved their respective weight goals shared their experiences when Redditor apprenti8455 asked:

"People who lost a lot of weight, what surprises you the most now?"

Redditors didn't see these coming.

Shiver Me Timbers

"I’m always cold now!"

– Telrom_1

"I had a coworker lose over 130 pounds five or six years ago. I’ve never seen him without a jacket on since."

– r7ndom

"140 lbs lost here starting just before COVID, I feel like that little old lady that's always cold, damn this top comment was on point lmao."

– mr_remy

Drawing Concern

"I lost 100 pounds over a year and a half but since I’m old(70’s) it seems few people comment on it because (I think) they think I’m wasting away from some terminal illness."

– dee-fondy

"Congrats on the weight loss! It’s honestly a real accomplishment 🙂"

"Working in oncology, I can never comment on someone’s weight loss unless I specifically know it was on purpose, regardless of their age. I think it kind of ruffles feathers at times, but like I don’t want to congratulate someone for having cancer or something. It’s a weird place to be in."

– LizardofDeath

Unleashing Insults

"I remember when I lost the first big chunk of weight (around 50 lbs) it was like it gave some people license to talk sh*t about the 'old' me. Old coworkers, friends, made a lot of not just negative, but harsh comments about what I used to look like. One person I met after the big loss saw a picture of me prior and said, 'Wow, we wouldn’t even be friends!'”

"It wasn’t extremely common, but I was a little alarmed by some of the attention. My weight has been up and down since then, but every time I gain a little it gets me a little down thinking about those things people said."

– alanamablamaspama

Not Everything Goes After Losing Weight

"The loose skin is a bit unexpected."

– KeltarCentauri

"I haven’t experienced it myself, but surgery to remove skin takes a long time to recover. Longer than bariatric surgery and usually isn’t covered by insurance unless you have both."

– KatMagic1977

"It definitely does take a long time to recover. My Dad dropped a little over 200 pounds a few years back and decided to go through with skin removal surgery to deal with the excess. His procedure was extensive, as in he had skin taken from just about every part of his body excluding his head, and he went through hell for weeks in recovery, and he was bedridden for a lot of it."

– Jaew96

These Redditors shared their pleasantly surprising experiences.


"I can buy clothes in any store I want."

– WaySavvyD

"When I lost weight I was dying to go find cute, smaller clothes and I really struggled. As someone who had always been restricted to one or two stores that catered to plus-sized clothing, a full mall of shops with items in my size was daunting. Too many options and not enough knowledge of brands that were good vs cheap. I usually went home pretty frustrated."

– ganache98012

No More Symptoms

"Lost about 80 pounds in the past year and a half, biggest thing that I’ve noticed that I haven’t seen mentioned on here yet is my acid reflux and heartburn are basically gone. I used to be popping tums every couple hours and now they just sit in the medicine cabinet collecting dust."

– colleennicole93

Expanding Capabilities

"I'm all for not judging people by their appearance and I recognise that there are unhealthy, unachievable beauty standards, but one thing that is undeniable is that I can just do stuff now. Just stamina and flexibility alone are worth it, appearance is tertiary at best."

– Ramblonius

People Change Their Tune

"How much nicer people are to you."

"My feet weren't 'wide' they were 'fat.'"

– LiZZygsu

"Have to agree. Lost 220 lbs, people make eye contact and hold open doors and stuff"

"And on the foot thing, I also lost a full shoe size numerically and also wear regular width now 😅"

– awholedamngarden

It's gonna take some getting used to.

Bones Everywhere

"Having bones. Collarbones, wrist bones, knee bones, hip bones, ribs. I have so many bones sticking out everywhere and it’s weird as hell."

– Princess-Pancake-97

"I noticed the shadow of my ribs the other day and it threw me, there’s a whole skeleton in here."

– bekastrange

Knee Pillow

"Right?! And they’re so … pointy! Now I get why people sleep with pillows between their legs - the knee bones laying on top of each other (side sleeper here) is weird and jarring."

– snic2030

"I lost only 40 pounds within the last year or so. I’m struggling to relate to most of these comments as I feel like I just 'slimmed down' rather than dropped a ton. But wow, the pillow between the knees at night. YES! I can relate to this. I think a lot of my weight was in my thighs. I never needed to do this up until recently."

– Strongbad23

More Mobility

"I’ve lost 100 lbs since 2020. It’s a collection of little things that surprise me. For at least 10 years I couldn’t put on socks, or tie my shoes. I couldn’t bend over and pick something up. I couldn’t climb a ladder to fix something. Simple things like that I can do now that fascinate me."

"Edit: Some additional little things are sitting in a chair with arms, sitting in a booth in a restaurant, being able to shop in a normal store AND not needing to buy the biggest size there, being able to easily wipe my butt, and looking down and being able to see my penis."

– dma1965

People making significant changes, whether for mental or physical health, can surely find a newfound perspective on life.

But they can also discover different issues they never saw coming.

That being said, overcoming any challenge in life is laudable, especially if it leads to gaining confidence and ditching insecurities.