People Who Helped Someone Out And Then Ultimately Regretted It Share Their Story
Well that was mistake.
We all want to be good people. We all want to help. At least I pray that's true. The problem, is that sometimes we can get burned when we help or step up. The old adage... "no good deed goes unpunished," well that's a true story. But that is the risk one takes when one is doing the Lord's work. If you feel an impulse to do good for others and help brighten the day of another, do it. If it turns out to be a big disaster... talk to reddit about it.Redditor u/enho224 wanted to see who needed to share about the times they wish they hadn't gone as above and beyond by asking
Redditors, was there a time when you helped someone, and you ended up regretting it?
Had a friend who went through a rough breakup, and then a month or so later needed to move. I offered our spare room in Tahoe for the time before my stepson was due to move into it after the summer. Figured she could use some nature to help her reset.
Everything was great for the first few months... then she went legitimately bat crazy when her mom died. Pacing and talking to herself, thought the CIA had bugged the apartment. We helped as much as we could, but needed her GONE when she started thinking my husband and I were undercover agents. That's when I worried she'd feel like she needed to protect herself from us. Had the cops and paramedics out several times, but they wouldn't take her because she didn't want to go to the hospital. Took two tries to get a restraining order, but not before she trashed our bedroom and stole some money we had in a drawer.
About two weeks after she was out, I got a text from a friend with a news report of a woman who had run her car fully into the conference room of a business the next city over (no one was hurt). Bystanders said she got out of the car with her little dog and a bible, and just started walking down the road like she had simply parked her car.
So Much DramaDemi Lovato Popcorn GIFGiphy
After my brother and I moved out I covered his half of the rent and let him owe me. He owed me more and more as time went on. He was not a great roommate otherwise. I also let him move in when I bought a house. He owed me money for rent constantly. When my now wife moved in and I asked him to move out, all hell broke loose. It took him a year to move out and his lies and dramatics caused so much drama between me and my parents.
One of my co-workers was up for a big promotion and I gave him a pep talk and tips and pointers for the interview. I told him our work has a real "the behavior you see is the behavior you accept" type policy so they'll want to hire someone who doesn't let the work place run unprofessionally.
Anyway he took this as opportunity to lie to supervisors about me saying how I was doing the wrong thing, dressing bad, feet on the desk etc in hopes that him not accepting and reporting this behavior would make him look like a better candidate. I got fired and he got the job.
That's No Mary & Joseph....
I rented a room to a pregnant girl and her boyfriend because they were about to be homeless. I learned the hard way why they couldn't get a place. Trash all over the room, the back of the door had a hole punched into it, incense or some sort of unfortunately scented thing had been used to the point it took months to get the smell out. I had a litterbox in the closet and didn't bother to protect the carpet.
They left a LOT of stuff behind, including a nasty AF mattress. Failed to pay rent at the agreed to rate which was significantly lower than the going rate anywhere within 50 miles. failed to pay for damages. carpet messed up with nasty stuff. failed to do their share of housekeeping and left me to do it during their stay.
The StraysShocked Season 4 GIF by This Is UsGiphy
You give to a campaign or charity once and they will hit you up for more every week for the rest of your life. They are like stray animals with food, once they see you have some and are willing to share, they never leave you alone.
BJ & Mr. O...
In 1st grade Brian (who went by BJ) glued a bunch of glitter to Mackenzie's chair, so she would sit on it and get glitter on her butt. I tried to wipe it all off before she sat back down, and Mr. O. decided that I was rubbing glue on her chair as a prank. He sent me to time out and then I went home crying, and my parents were like Mr. O. why did you do this and he called me a liar.
BJ, or Mr. O, if you're reading this I hate you.
I've got a lot of friends who are managers at restaurants and although I don't work there anymore, I did end up getting them to give my sister a chance there as she "really needed a job" (her words). Welp, she didn't last long at pretty much every one of them because, in the words of my good friends, she told them "I don't like being told what to do", "I don't know why they're complaining to you, I'm just telling them how it is," and her reasoning for calling out was "I can't come in, there's a raid tonight."
A raid, I recently found out was a fight term on a video game. It embarrassed me and I regretted it every time she was fired. Now she just sits on her butt eating junk food and playing video games all day and complaining she has no money and I don't feel bad at all.
I helped a girl that had an abusive father and she worked with me. My wife and I brought her into our home and gave her a month to get her shit together. Next thing I know my wife and I are pulling up after going to dinner with a crap ton of narcotics unit cops in our apartment. She had been giving "massages" and was suspected of dealing opiates. We got evicted and I will beat that woman if I ever see her again.
I'll Snap YOU!natgeo channel GIF by National Geographic ChannelGiphy
One time in school, a friend of mine asked if I could loan him a pencil. I had recently bought myself some really nice pencils (smencils, I believe?) from the school store that came around once a week, and I decided to loan him one of them and asked him to return it to me after class.
So, after class, I meet up with him and ask him to return it to me. He hands it back, but it's snapped clean in half and broken beyond repair. I was so pissed off and angry.
Person I was friends with started telling me all about how abusive their partner was, how they couldn't be themselves around him, and how he was pressuring them into doing very triggering things. They were prepared to warp their whole identity to please him, but would also come to me and our other friends for support. Now, I believed them because they'd been in an actually abusive relationship before and had also been assaulted, so I didn't think they would lie about either of those things. I offered emotional support, resources, and urged them to get out.
They absolutely did lie. And it about ruined my friendship with a solid chunk of my friend group because they were all friends with the partner and the friend who lied told me that if they saw me around any of them that they'd call the cops for harassment. Once the relationship finally imploded I was able to rekindle some of those friendships.
I'll take Cold.Giphy
I once bought a sub for a homeless guy who was asking for change outside of a sub shop, and when I offered it to him he said, "Yeah how 'bout we go to the men's room and I'll give YOU a hot lunch?"
I was at the park playing with my kids. A neighbor drove past, saw us and the mom asked if her kids could join mine while she went to the grocery store for a second. Two hours later, my kids are ready to go home and I've still got the neighbor's kids. I cram everyone (7 kids total) into my vehicle without nearly enough seats or seat belts and proceed to drive home. The neighbor's car is in her driveway. I knocked on the door to drop off her kids. She's watching TV. There wasn't even a thank you. Never again.
Any time I've agreed to help somebody move, only to show up and find they hadn't really boxed up anything yet.
Happened to me once and I took it as a lesson. Now when someone asks me to help them move I say yes absolutely! But then immediately proceed with bringing up the subject of people not organized the day they move.
I'll say something like: "oh yeah I will help you for sure 'cause you don't strike me as the kind of person that doesn't get ready to move to make it as easy as possible for everybody the day of the move. I play the hypothetical card when really, I'm warning them that they better be organized and ready the morning I show up to help.
Yes. I used to help friends and family with computer problems. Now I "don't know anything about these new devices, I'm out of date"
Apparently helping once makes you their personal IT guy for life.
"go to court"
A lady that worked for my family asked for a early paycheck so she could bail herself out of jail on a DUI charge. I took the money in, not knowing that I had to sign paperwork to be responsible for her while out on bail. I signed it, but received no info on when her trial was scheduled. She lied to me about when it was. I covered her shift so that she could "go to court." A month later, she and her boyfriend skipped town in the middle of the night.
A week after that, I got a call from the bail bondsman, asking where she was, as she hadn't showed up for court. Had to pay back the bond of $5000 if they couldn't find her. I lucked out, though, because they got caught committing another crime 1000 miles south, and went straight into custody.
Walking in Darkness...Giphy
There was a blind man in the road near a crosswalk, stumbling around, blocking traffic. Thinking he would be killed, my wife hopped out to guide him to the side of the road. Once out of the road, he wouldn't let go of her and aggressively demanded money.
He was faking blindness and this was his scam. My wife pulled away from him, hopped back in the car and we took off. We came back the other a few minutes later and he was in the road again blocking traffic and pretending to be blind. It was very scary!
I was drained dry by someone who I thought was my best friend. Gave her gas money, my old car that still ran well, babysat her kids constantly, paid for and altered her wedding dress, etc... When I realized how bad she was treating me, I very politely cut ties.
She then went around and told all our mutual friends I owed her so much money and I was abusive to her kids. Her 600lb+ husband broke my front passenger seat so it wouldn't sit straight anymore (which is why I gave it to them when I could afford a new one), but they had the audacity to call me a "fat pig". I just... Ugh
Last I heard, they burned literally every contact they have here and had to move to a new state to start over again... Again...
I Saw Nothing.Giphy
I saw my classmate stealing a calculator from another. This guy who lost his calculator, was worried as he had borrowed it from someone. So I told him what I had seen. Things turned out quite serious, there was a violent fight and both my classmates got expelled out from the college.
Holy crap!! Moving is one of my biggest pet peeves. My family moved a lot when I was growing up so I have always been good at this. I would never ask someone to "help us move" without having everything boxed up to load on the truck. My in laws asked my husband to help them move and he spent 8 hours helping his dad pack up and they still weren't done.
Friend of mine broke his phone screen, I offered to try and fix it/told him I know a good repair shop to fix it if I couldn't. Ended up bringing it to a repair shop and getting it fixed for him. Gave it back to him and told him he doesn't have to pay me back right away and he can pay in installments or whenever he's financially ready with no pressure (because I had it repaired for him) He drops the "I don't have the money for this man" and never ended up paying me back.
2 weeks later don't I see that his brand new screen is completely shattered, worse than before. Not only that but he's talking about "buying a new phone anyway" while he was also looking at a new car to buy. He can buy a $1000 phone and a $3500 car But he doesn't have $100 to pay me back.
The human body is truly amazing. It's resilient, it can create antibodies to fight off infections, and it comes in all shapes and sizes.
There are some awesome facts about the human body, like that no two people have the same fingerprints.
However, there are also some creepy facts about the human body.
Redditors are well aware of this and are ready to share the creepiest facts they know about the human body.
It all started when Redditor MorBot07 asked:
"What creepy fact about the human body do you know?"
I Need To Go Take A Nap
"Too much lack of sleep can cause the brain to "eat itself", cutting connections and making things like alzheimer more probable in later life."
"nothing has been able to convince me to start sleeping more but i think this comment really did it for me.."
"If your spinal cord loses adequate blood supply for a short period of time, you can be temporarily paralyzed."
"The first sign that your spine is "waking up" again is that you regain a specific reflex, where if you squeeze that person's penis or clitoris, their anus contracts. If that happens, it's a good sign."
Just The Right Spot
"A single punch to the chest can stop your heart. A single punch to the gut can rupture your spleen and kill you. A single punch to the face or back of the head can kill you. (the back of the head being less sudden and more noticeable)..."
"Let it be known that, despite all the things we can endure, humans are insanely fragile in many ways you may not even have thought of."
The Other Side Of Me
"Some people’s organs are on the wrong side of their body, like a mirror image… It’s called Situs Inversus"
"This is true! I actually have this. Partial Situs Inversus. Dextrocardia. It doesn’t harm me just means my heart in on the wrong side so the opposite lung is smaller. Can cause issues when I’m sick but nothing more."
"There are pregnancy cancers. You can have little baby cell metastases growing in your brain if you decide to have a baby and some of cell multiplier genes go wrong."
"Add that to the list of why I need bodily autonomy. 😬"
Time For A Reboot
"A seizure, despite how terrifying they may be, are your brain's response to the brain equivalent of a runtime error. Something happened that shouldn't have, and your brain is restarting to get everything running smoothly again."
"Source: epileptic since 2003"
"When we die, it looks like your fingernails are still growing, but it’s actually just the skin around your fingers shrinking."
A Body Is An Ecosystem
"Your body contains just as many foreign cells, i.e. gut bacteria, as your own body cells. These cells produce hundreds of neurochemicals that the brain uses to regulate basic physiological processes as well as mental processes such as learning, memory and mood. Some believe this is the "gut feeling" people sometimes get in certain situations."
"I’m currently pregnant with a girl. I’m currently holding the cells that could become my grandchild."
"Samesies. Every person in existence was once half inside their biological maternal grandmother."
"I don’t know if it qualifies as creepy.. I’m a nurse, and I’ve always found it interesting how the body attempts to compensate when sick which incidentally tends to lead to you becoming sicker because of how overworked your body is."
Different Species, One Body
"An estimated 30 trillion cells in your body—less than a third—are human. The other 70-90% are bacterial and fungal. Ninety-nine percent of the unique genes in your body are bacterial."
"If you have a stroke (or other brain injury) that effects parts of the brain associated with speech, you will probably end up with some type of aphasia."
"For example, my “favorite” type of aphasia is Wernicke’s Aphasia; patients can form whole words and even sentences, but they usually make no sense. I had a patient with Wernicke’s Aphasia who would constantly say something close to “we have to rescue the dog(s) from the DMV!” It took me about 30 mins to figure out this person wanted something to drink."
A Whole New Person
"I heard or read once that essentially every 7 years your body has completely regenerated. Of course it's a slow on going process but 7 years from now no cell that's currently in your body will still be there."
"Eyes are the only part of the body that don't grow. Same size when you die as when you were born."
We Are Strong
"You could easily bite your own fingers or tongue off, but (unless you're seriously mentally ill) your brain prevents you from doing so."
They say knowledge is power, but I'm not sure I'm better off for knowing of this!
Until we're in a situation, we'll never really know how we'll react.
I have been in this scenario, though.
Sex matters. And people rarely want to admit how much.
But sex isn't a lifetime guarantee.
It fades, as does love.
It's important to speak about it.
It can be a fixable situation.
A relationship without sex may not be the end of the world, but it's definitely a sign that something is off.
Redditor Deviant55 wanted to talk about physical intimacy in relationships, so they asked:
"How important is sex to you in a relationship? Could you be with someone you love even if sex was off the table indefinitely?"
I learned how much sex matters in my last relationship.
Once I wasn't interested, it kind of killed everything.
ForeverGIF by moodmanGiphy
"When my wife of 30+ years became too ill for sex to be even remotely interesting for her, I certainly did not end the relationship. I loved her and I took care of her until she died. No other course even occurred to me."
"When I met my wife we couldn’t keep our hands off each other. This lasted a few years. I was in my mid-twenties when we married. She developed a chronic medical issue. I’ve gone twenty years being sexually frustrated. There are stages and phases to this."
"What I came to realize is that I love my wife. Yes, sex is important in our relationship. But I would rather have her in my life with no sex than have sex without her."
"The thing is, I love her. She can’t help her situation. I can’t help it. One deals with it. Marriage is more than sex. It is building a life and memories, raising a family, and loving each other regardless of the challenges life throws our way. But sex is very important. It helps keep the closeness and the emotional bond. But it isn’t the only thing that does that."
I Love Her
"It is complicated. I am in a near-sexless marriage. The wife needs antidepressants to function. And it kills her libido. So usually it is four to six times a year. My libido rages. And yeah, it sucks. I dream of more sex."
"But I love the chick. She loves me to the moon and back. I’m not willing to sacrifice her love so I can try dating again. Divorce rates these days? And I found a woman who more than tolerates me, she loves me. I’ll stay. And not to be crude but yeah I masturbate. A lot. She doesn’t begrudge me that. Occasionally she even encourages it."
"She went off her meds for a while. And man did we do it. But she was a mess. I need her healthy more than I need a shag. We travel together. We enjoy each other’s company. We actually like each other. I could claim that it is hell, but I choose to see all of the good I am blessed with."
"Quite important. But I think it depends on where you are in the relationship. I've been married for 10 years. I have kids. If my wife suddenly couldn't have sex with me for some reason -- illness or injury or something -- I'm not divorcing her over it. That's heartless."
"Now, if she just decided we weren't ever having sex again because she didn't feel like it, that'd be different. Or if I was just starting to date someone and they told me they'd never have sex, I probably just wouldn't keep pursuing the relationship. Plenty of people out there who will."
"It depends on the circumstances. I LOVE doing it with my man but I love his heart and soul more. If we had to stop having sex for medical reasons or something I’d definitely stay with him and stay faithful. If I was single, I think it’s unlikely I’d start a new relationship knowing it would be sex free."
Heart and soul is just as necessary and hot and sweaty.
At least a lot of people recognize that.
"Sex life is 10% of a relationship when it’s good and 90% of a relationship when it’s bad."
"The other way I've heard it put is that sex is like the bathroom in your house. It's not the only reason you bought the house, but if it's not working it's a big problem."
"50-year-old here married for 27 years. It’s not important. It was important when we were younger but honestly, if sex wasn’t possible I would still love my wife and really nothing about our day would really change."
"I’ve been reading these comments and wishing that everyone’s age was flared on their post because I sense that there are a lot of under-60-year-olds. I am older than my wife but she is starting menopause and I can see the writing on the wall. Not super thrilled but I love her completely and understand. The real intimacy is in how we still (and will always) want to sleep touching each other and waking up next to each other."
"I honestly considered this before. I absolutely adored this guy. It was like a child relationship; we'd kiss and cuddle and hold hands and things, but he wouldn't have sex with me, nor would he commit properly. Any time we came close to sex, he'd go soft or back off."
"I couldn't understand it, wondered if I could keep doing that. My sex drive was wild. Why kiss and the rest but not sex?"
"Then one day he told me he was in love with me and asked me out properly. I said yes there and then, had a wonderful day with him, but when I went home, I was left questioning if I could possibly live without sex. I decided that yeah, I loved him but it would be tough."
"We had sex the next day. So yes, I think I probably could."
"It's very important. I'm a very affectionate and physical person and touch/caresses and anything physical is one of my love languages. I couldn't function with someone who is the opposite of me or who's uncomfortable with how I am. I already was in a relationship with someone who wasn't that touchy/affectionate and it created frustration for both of us."
Don't Look at Me
"I am in a sexless relationship. He has erectile dysfunction and I really don't like sex in general. I'm really uncomfortable naked or even vulnerable. I'm shy around him despite the relationship being 10 years nearly, I'm even shy around my family and friends. Everything about sex makes me feel so embarrassed, and I feel nothing but negative feelings when I used to be sexually active. Not through choice of partner, I just hate that sort of attention."
Definitive!Shake Handshake GIF by OriginalsGiphy
"10/10. Sexual incompatibility is a deal breaker!"
Sex is important but not everything.
Until it is everything if it becomes an issue.
Good luck couples. Open and honest communication is key.
People Share The Moment They Realized Their Friends Were Actually A-Holes
An important contributor to our overall health and happiness is the quality of our friendships.
We may not have a lot of friends, but the more important factor is the depth of those relationships.
But we've all had one of those friends who turned out not to be a very good friend at all.
Redditor Both-Support-7110 asked:
"When did you realize your 'friends' were just a**holes?"
Putting Them Down
"After I realized that other people don't s**t on each other on every possible occasion in their circle."
"And that it isn't right when a 'friend' uses every known insecurity as an argument against you when you do not behave the way he/she would want you to."
"I luckily made a couple of friends that would just be supportive about stuff. So I slowly started talking to them more than my older friends as I saw the disparity between their responses."
"One side purely would be purely judgmental and try and bring me down, and the other would just be excited for me or be there to listen or whatever. Who wants to talk to the former when you have the latter?"
Using Them as a Convenience
"They only bothered with me when it suited them. I'd rather have nobody than have to deal with that."
Trying to Keep Them Small
"When they were nice at first but then cut me out of conversations, telling me not to 'butt in.' A friend doesn't dictate when you're allowed to speak."
"Total a**hole move to have conversations in front of you only to tell you it doesn’t concern you and mean it. . . Like making plans and giving details about how someone like you could be included but specifically telling you not to invite yourself; making plans in front of someone and not inviting them is awful."
Using Them as Entertainment
"She got a boyfriend and would let him listen to our phone calls and not tell me, even if I was crying about personal stuff that I would only ever tell her."
"Then they both started lying to me about my crush liking me back, forcing both him and me into awkward positions (telling everyone we liked each other so they'd play along, swapping places constantly to make us sit next to each other, pressuring him into giving me a lap dance, making him kiss the prettiest girl in the room, etc), and encouraged me to shoot my shot more and more."
"All the while they knew he didn't like me, he had told them both directly. One night, I was crying on the phone because I was so confused why my advances weren't working, and they just kept explaining it away, blaming some other bulls**t reason and telling me to try again."
"The next day, they told me they were laughing throughout the whole call because I didn't get it and I was so upset. I should add I had no dating experience at all and nobody had ever liked me at this point."
Using Them to Feel Superior
"I didn't have many friends in grade school, but the times the kids actually gave me the time of day, it was to make me 'it' when we'd play tag. That's what I was there for. To continuously be 'it' so they could run away and feel superior. Because they knew I would agree to it no matter what."
Having Questionable Morals
"I had a friend that was a very promiscuous girl, I had no issue with that, until I found out she was using me and my innocent personality then, to distract her mom and make her think she was like me."
"Then she used my house as a literal hotel once, with my family here and everything... I knew that was it."
Making Fun of Them
"When I made new friends and realized that it's not normal for friends to constantly beat on me and make fun of me."
Prioritizing Money Over Them
"When they stopped being my friends after I went through a rough financial patch."
"I had a group that I was in from 2019-2021. They became a**holes over time, and it took me longer to see that. It was when I failed my psych 101 class (I'm not the best with online classes and tried the best I could) and when they heard about that, they laughed to my face, called me stupid and a failure."
"Early 2022, I met up with them again thinking it would just be a 'listen to this concert for someone we all know and go on our ways' thing."
"My one closer friend offered to drive me and I accepted, and then afterward she joined the group, made eye contact after the concert was done and said, 'bye,' and left with them to the doors. They doubled back and said, 'You can come with us to another town to a friend's place or I can get my mom to drive you home.'"
"I was so overwhelmed and embarrassed that I just went with them to the other town. I called my brother to come to pick me up after an hour, and when he was on his way out, everyone else left. Haven't been into contact with them again after that."
Disappearing When It Counts
"They pretty much abandoned me in a time of pretty intense need. It solidified my decision to leave the area and go do something worthwhile."
No Reciprocation Allowed
"When he does s**t to me and acts like it’s no big deal, but then I do the same back, and he gets offended."
Excluding Them From Plans
"I've got two examples here. One from childhood and one from adulthood. Pick your favorite."
"Childhood: Kid I knew when I was 8 or so. We used to hang out a lot of the time and often played together, doing the usual kid stuff. Then one day, he has to move away because of a change in his parent's financial situation and I was pretty bummed out about it."
"On the last day we were supposed to see each other, he hung out with someone else instead and when tried to join them, he physically shoved me away and told me I wasn't welcome. That one stung."
"Adulthood: When they keep telling me about plans they made and things they did together or wanted to do together, but never bother to invite or include me in any of it. There's one of them I get along with and he'll invite me to things as long as it's just with him, but when he's with the group, he excludes me."
"I remember one example in particular where they were discussing a new site to do some photography and they fell short a man. One of them looks at me like I'm the spare tire in his car and goes: 'I guess you can come with us this one time.', to which another replies: 'Nah, he doesn't want to go. He doesn't like photography.'"
"I told him I was perfectly capable of answering for myself and didn't need him to act as my answering machine, but it lost a lot of impact because he was right. I don't like photography and didn't want to go. I just didn't like being talked about that way."
"Good luck making that clear to them, though. All they heard was: 'If he was right anyway, then why are you b*tching about it?'"
"I no longer hang out with them. I eventually got sick of being treated like the spare guy they can use in case none of the 'main crew' was attending, so I dropped them."
"In 2006, my then-best friend wanted to go to a big German metal festival. I did not want to go because my Dad had end-stage cancer."
"Dad died on August 8th, a couple of days after my friend returned from the festival. I called him because I needed someone to talk to."
"He very bluntly stated that he had no interest in my Dad's passing but wanted to tell me how great the festival was."
"You can't imagine how disappointed I was. For years, I'd been there for him whenever he got dumped, and the one time I needed a friend, he wasn't there for me. I told him to shut my door from the outside and lose my number."
"I was 15, we were hanging out in the alleyway behind my friend’s house as we did almost every day after school."
"One girl was there from the year above us and they started prank calling the child protective services emergency line, pretending to be a child in distress, and they all laughed."
"After a few rounds of this, I felt queasy and left. Never hung out with them again. I still feel bad for not saying something or putting a stop to it, but the girl was older and 'cool.'"
Taking Advantage of Them
"I've been posting on him recently, he was my former neighbor and friend. We didn't immediately hit it off but after a while, we became good friends."
"I tried helping him out (he's an unemployed single dad of two special needs kids). He eventually saw my kindness as something to take advantage of, so late last fall, he either broke into my house (or enabled someone else to do it for him) and stole money from me."
"When I confronted him about this, he physically attacked me."
"I can't say it doesn't hurt."
Friendships are incredibly important, but we're unfortunately not meant to be friends with everyone. Some people simply do not turn out to be the friends we thought they were.
We may know that this happens, but that doesn't make it hurt any less.
No one wants to be alone.
But that doesn't mean we should settle when it comes to choosing a romantic partner.
When people rush into things without letting love flourish, it could lead to problems down the line that can inevitably lead to difficult breakups.
Those who've learned this the hard way shared their experiences with love when Redditorlastknownstar asked:
"What common mistakes do people make when choosing a life partner?"
Communication is key.
Discussing Life Issues
"Not discussing big life issues: your preference for having kids, parenting styles, deep religious beliefs, career aspirations, significant traumas…anything that may affect how you make decisions together later on."
"My parents were like this. Dad grew up in a standard midcentury 'men run the house, women stay in the kitchen' family, but Mom came from a long line of domineering southern matriarchs who had their husbands whipped. Dad was naturally a good cook and Mom hated cooking, but once they got married, Dad insisted she make all the food because that's what wives are supposed to do. No warning, total 180 on their relationship up to that point."
"He's learned his lesson and now happily cooks for my stepmom, but man... That's not something you can just spring on your new spouse overnight!"
What About Kids
"Having kids is a really big question that absolutely needs to be communicated. I've also heard that it's a topic that would make the man a big red flag if asked early into the 'relationship' as in first date and/or texts are off limits."
"Wouldnt it be a lot nicer to 'speed date' these big topics early on?"
These Redditors realized ignorance of financial responsibility in a relationship came at a cost.
"Finance is the number 1 leading cause of divorce."
"Edit: this popped up in my YouTube recommendation (Is your relationship struggling because of finance? - Dave Ramsey https://youtu.be/XuU7oabGqjk). Google is not monitoring us or anything"
"This is such a big issue in relationships. Knowing each other's spending habits is equally important. My ex would be extremely judgmental when it came to my 'fun money', but when he bought a new TV or a new gaming console, he was not to be questioned on it."
You can't change people.
Fixing Their Flaws
"Thinking, 'I know this person has flaws, but when we're married I can help fix them.'"
"Ok marriage isn’t working but if we have kids things will change because it will bring us closer."
"I personally had this issue dating someone who was as sweet as could be, but not the brightest bulb in the socket, and they relied on me for knowledge on everything from health to history to housework. All perfectly googleable or troubleshootable questions, but always defaulted to giving up and asking
mommy the girlfriend for help. Admittedly it was kind of an ego boost to have someone always telling me how smart I was and deferring to my judgement on everything, but that's not what a healthy romantic relationship should be like."
"I thought I could nudge them gently into being slightly more self sufficient, but it only got worse as they grew accustomed to relying on me for every little thing. And of course the flip side was I felt like I could never rely on them when I needed help... I knew I was SOL if I couldn't do everything myself, because I was dragging around a parasite instead of a partner."
"Next time I want to spend years working on a fixer-upper, I'm just going to buy a crumbling Victorian house. It'll cause me less stress in the long run."
Taking An Emotional Toll
"I was in a similar boat with an ex, wasn't so much her fault as she had a learning disability and epilepsy."
"Every other weekend we also looked after her kids from past relationships, one of which had autism, and due to my ex's condition she wasn't allowed to be on her own with the kids meaning I had to be there as the capable, responsible adult."
"We were together for just shy of 4 years."
"After she broke things off it took a good few months for me to get used to the fact that I could actually let my guard down, switch my brain off and relax. Without needing to constantly worry that someone would need my help or that I needed to ensure her safety."
"She didn't quite realise the toll it was having on me or the amount of responsibility was on my shoulders. She would constantly suggest things like holidays abroad with just us two and the kids, and all I could think was that it would be far from a relaxing holiday for me as I'd have her and two kids to look after and be responsible for the entire time."
Managing expectations is key.
"Choosing someone they think they should be with instead of someone they're actually compatible with."
"I feel a lot of people have a picture in their head of who they think they'll end up with and chase that ideal, instead of acknowledging their own personality and aiming for someone compatible with that. Easier said than done, but yeah."
– Viminia7 ·
Importance Of Value
"I talk with my partner about this all the time. We think its important to have shared values not shared interests."
"Yes it’s important to share things you both like to do, but just because your partner likes One Punch Man, like you do, doesn’t mean they are on the same page as you with resolving conflicts."
Elvis Presley reminded us that only fools rush in, despite his intense romantic feelings towards his object of affection.
But the wise men he was referring to were on to something.
It's best to ease into things and let love grow, and not force relationships without really getting to know the person with whom you plan to devote yourself to.
If it's meant to be, it'll be worth taking things slow by getting to know a prospective significant other's dreams, what makes them, and their values to see if there is enough chemistry to develop meaningful relationships.