There's something very sobering about the moment you realize that it's not necessarily hard work that gets you into the door but connections themselves. It is truly not about what you know but who you know, and this can create significant tension because the lower classes don't have the privilege of making connections (such as through interning) when they have to worry about keeping a roof over their heads.
"Hard work" can also come with consequences: You might be doing a good job only to be slammed with more work because you've developed a reputation as a "work horse," a situation that can easily lead to burn out. (I''ve been there myself.)
After Redditor nannygal3 asked the online community, "When did you realize that hard work doesn't always pay off?" people shared their observations.
"When they reward you..."
When they reward you for getting your work done well by giving you everyone else's work to do.
Pretty much every job I've had.
"Those performance based raises..."
Easily retail. Those performance-based raises are deliberately rigged to not give people the best raises. I only really understood how much when I became a manager and was overruled on how much to give my employees a raise when I gave them a 5/5.
I was told, and I quote, "No one is a 5/5"
She came in whenever we called. Stayed late whenever we needed. Was the epitome of the perfect employee and was well-loved by everyone that shopped there.
They changed her evaluation from a 5/5 which was I believe a 50ish cent raise (still not enough) to a 3/5 which was a 10 cent raise.
She quit a few weeks after I told her and no one we've hired has been half as productive as she was.
"I declined the offer..."
Worked this office job for 9 years, ever since I turned 16. They kept giving me responsibilities, never any pay raise beyond the minimum they had to, all the while telling me how I was indispensible. Then Covid hit and they laid off all my coworkers. They told me I could stay, but for less hours than before and definitely no payraise -- just more responsibilities, either working from home or in an empty office. I declined the offer and quit right then and there. Felt pretty cheated though.
"Go above and beyond..."
By being taken advantage of repeatedly.
Go above and beyond the expectations in hopes to advance? You now have to do that advanced job with way more work for no pay increase and in less time than the people getting paid more than you.
Don't ever let an employer know you're capable or willing to do significantly more work than anyone else for the same pay. If an opening arises and you have been consistent, you're more likely to get the position than someone who does twice the work you do for the same pay just because you "follow the book" more.
"There wasn't one particular moment..."
There wasn't one particular moment for me, but the saying "It's better to be lucky than good." is oh so true at times. Sure working hard helps, but being at the right place at the right time is often overlooked by those that purely equate hard work with success.
"My living situation..."
I was working retail overnight and I worked my butt off (partly to keep from getting tired).
My living situation started falling apart and I had nowhere to go if I had to move, so I was very stressed. My "fun" boss who everyone loved came over to ask why I wasn't working as hard as usual.
I told him I was possibly a week from being homeless, and he just kept smiling and repeating the phrase "You're usually my superstar. I need you to be my superstar, buddy."
My hard work wasn't valued at all, this boss only cared that I'd been making him look good by accomplishing so much. No one at the store actually cared about me as a person.
I've told this story here before, but the truth is I never worked hard again. No matter how hard a job tried to pressure me that something absolutely had to be done, I never worked that hard for anyone ever again.
"When I realized..."
I was probably 16. When I realized we were dirt poor and watched my dad kill himself working 12 hours a day and coming home coughing up black snot, then when he got sick and went to the hospital due to his lungs his company let him go and then fought him on unemployment.
I've worked blue-collar jobs my entire life. It's a good way to pay a mortgage and not much more. If by chance I ever find a way to retire, I'll be too broken down physically to enjoy it. There are two Moldovan guys where I work that would be billionaires if hard work made you rich.
"I graduated college..."
I graduated college in my late 30s after spending a little over a decade in the military and several years before that working s**** entry-level factory and manual labor jobs. Within 5 years of working professionally, where I sit on my @ss in front of a computer, I've easily made way more money than I have my entire life.
"Nepotism is king..."
At work. It's not about what you know; it's about who you know. Nepotism is king in a work environment and no matter how much hard work you put into a job, if the higher-ups don't like you, don't expect to move up.
"I redid a school year's worth of work..."
I redid a school year's worth of work in a few months by doing work packages (basically stapled-together stacks of paper) day in and day out at the new "special" school I was sent to for teens with mental health issues.
The teacher lost all of the work in a flood over the summer break, and graded me on my past school's performance, which was terrible as I was escaping an abuser at the time. He basically had to sit me down and tell me that I had to redo everything if I wanted to advance a grade.
I almost snapped. I was enduring a private medical issue at the time, as well as battling a turbulent home life, and I wasn't going to take it. I just quit school after I turned 16, very soon after (as that's when you legally can). I don't regret it, because that school got shut down and all credentials are basically lost. I have no proof that I quit school and no proof that I graduated (I didn't). I'm free of it. Nobody's going to ask for a diploma, anyways. I went on and educated myself at my own pace, and for my own interests. Ten years later, I don't regret it.
"I told him..."
Upper management told me that I was overpaid for my position. I told him that I do work for multiple departments and at the same time outperform everyone in my department. He just told me that it was expected that I do what is asked of me. I just told him to have all the other departments stop coming to me and go to others. Didn't work. Still stuck here.
"When I would try to solve..."
When I would try to solve complex problems at work by experimenting and my boss would criticize my work and make me feel embarrassed for trying, rather than give me constructive feedback, encouragement, and a path to move forward. I started hiding my problem-solving from her and would ask coworkers for advice when she couldn't see. Best job I ever quit. I'm now doing almost the same job at a different company for a good chunk more money and a better boss.
"I saved a ton of time..."
The one that always sticks out is this one university course I took. Everyone taking it was told by older students (small fairly tight-knit program) that this prof always has an 80% class average, always. I think the prof might have told us in the first lecture.
Me being okay with an easy 80% grade decided, f--- it I'll have some fun, chill with the lab reports and try to stick some jokes into my lab procedure submissions. We always had to submit our procedures before performing our experiments. Without fail the submissions came back with a -2, such and such missing. I found it hilarious, especially as once my assignment came back with "missing warning for hotplate" written directly under the hotplate warning. I laughed and showed the TA, he laughed, I think he fixed it.
But while I was phoning it in and playing my profs expectations my friends, most of whom were smarter than me and all of whom were determined to do their best in every class, were killing themselves trying to figure out how to get their reports to be perfect or better and to find every possible way to scrape better grades. This was not advanced lab work, it was basic, and they dumped a ton of time, during a rough semester, into beating that damn average.
End of semester rolls around and dirtbag me rides the top of that 80% bell curve, but so did a bunch of smarter people who wouldn't accept a lower grade, and frankly put the time and effort in to deserve better.
I saved a ton of time to put into my other more challenging classes, but I watched a bunch of brilliant dedicated students get devastated every week because some old tenured prof liked their consistent average.
"Girlfriend worked super hard..."
Girlfriend worked super hard on writing a research paper on how public health agencies could effectively distribute covid vaccines. Her org decided to nix it when they decided that the governor might not like the message.
"When I watched..."
When I watched good employee after good employee get fired for petty crap or quit because they couldn't take it anymore while the bad employees who kissed the right asses continued to get promoted and are still working at my company.
"I've had experience..."
I've had experience working for small businesses and megacorps. Both made me realize the people at the top do the least amount of work, but they get paid the most (because they have the most on the line or whatever) and I'd never be one of them. I couldn't be one of them, because I can't take advantage of people.
"I watched this one video..."
I watched this one video on Youtube on how succesfull people are by chance and luck. Not really because of hard work.
"That should have been enough..."
I worked for Walmart. That should have been enough for me to realize trying and being attentive were things to crush. I went into the bathroom to cry my frustrations, only to find other associates doing the same.
"Even after all that..."
When I completed 88 days of rural work for a second work and holiday visa with another group of people.
We had gotten manipulated by an employer who forged paychecks that showed we made a wage of maybe $600-$700 a week, but actually paid us $0. They made us sign a contract that we would work for nothing for the 88-day contract but the paperwork would show payment so they could slip under the government's radar. This was in the middle of the rainforest, so by the time we got there, there wasn't an easy route or way to get back to a city. I got through 3 weeks of that before I convinced the group this was not going to pan out well. The company then went under and expected us to stay within the contract and maintain the business with no management. The owner turned our names into police when we left and voided the contract.
So, we go to an orchard to complete the work thinking all is over. We're manipulated there, underpaid, the paycheck mostly goes to the working hostel. 10 person dorm is $300+ a week. We all complete the work, and I'm the only one who gets the visa. Everyone else is denied because the first business name is flagged. I was there the least amount of time so I reckon I slipped through.
Even after all that and more intense wildness, some people didn't get a visa they rightfully worked for. It destroyed my soul when I watched this happen. All that hard work and sacrifice I watched and participated in was for nothing for some of my friends, and I was just lucky.
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Nobody wants to die alone. That is one of life's more basic truths. We all hope there is going to be a familiar hand to hold and a pair of eyes that witnessed our lives looking into us as we drift off to meet our maker. That feels like the basics of marriage. Well that and a permanent booty call.
That's why a lot of people turn to a trusted friend to maybe one day be a love interest. It's always good to have a fail-safe and a back up. And the older you get the more the chase becomes too much run through, so why not make it easy? It's like... "hey so and so... you wanna get hitched by this date, in case?"
BAM! Instant I Do.
Redditor u/shansnewone wanted the betrothed out there to tell us about their relationship successes and fails, by asking:
Couples who got married on the basis: "if we're both not married by (x) years old, we'll marry each other" how did things work out?
I am out of options. Unless all of my prior fail safes current relationships don't pan out, I'm going to the grave alone. I'm too tired to look, or too lazy. Potato/potatoe... let's see who has better luck.
Decades Laterjust married love GIFGiphy
"Yep, worked out pretty well. We've known each other for close to 30 years now and jokingly said something similar years ago. Anyway, we got married almost 6 years ago and pretty happy with the situation."
"We were best friends for a long time in high school, I was really into her but the feeling wasn't mutual. I told her if we were single 5 years from now I could see us getting together and getting married. I moved across the country and we mostly lost touch for a couple years, but then almost exactly five years after I'd said that, we reconnected and I told here I was miserable where I was."
"She had just moved to a new city, I moved in with her, and we got together pretty quick. In two weeks, that'll have been six years ago. We just bought a house and our daughter's first birthday is next month. It was rocky at first, since we were both escaping miserable situations and living in a studio apartment, but everything worked out and I live with my best friend."
She said yes...
"Funny enough, there was a girl I liked in High School, but I was 17 and she was 15. She asked me out but I said no because I just got a girlfriend, but I was interested in her and I told her. She said if I'm single by the time I'm 25, can we get married? I was like yeah sure. I asked her when she was 25 if she was single. She said yes. Reminded her about our agreement and she said "I'm only really dating girls right now." So yeah."
Jumped the gun a little...
"I made this arrangement with my best friend from college. We spent so much time together, people thought we were dating and it led to some strife in many of my possible relationships because they saw her as a threat. But that wasn't the nature of our relationship. Strictly friends, I had interest in her one time but was quickly friendzoned and didn't try to make any advances. She never held interest in me."
"One night, close to the end of college, we went out and grabbed some beer at a local place and were transparent that we could see ourselves getting married to one another. We made an agreement that if, by the age of 30 pr 35 (I can't remember now), we were both single, we would get married. After college, we went our separate ways—I continued with school, she got a job."
"We talked inconsistently (maybe once every few months?) for about 2 years. I happened to be in her city one day in 2020 and we grabbed coffee. We talked a little more after that, then things REALLY picked up here in the last few months. We're engaged, getting married in March. Jumped the gun a little, but dammit this is the best decision and relationship I've ever been in."
In the End...This Is Absolutely Ridiculous Mandy Moore GIF by This Is UsGiphy
"Couple I knew both thought very highly of themselves and thought they could do better than the other person. They're now together and miserable."
Well those sound pleasant enough. Well, most of them do. But hey, when you gotta go with what's in front of you, you can't beg. Maybe others had it better.
Cheers to Us...Season 17 Cheers GIF by The BacheloretteGiphy
"Had an agreement. Both were married far before the date. Did however go out for drinks to celebrate the fact that we were both happily married!"
"I know a couple who were best friends but dating other people for about 15 years. No one was surprised when they finally started dating and got married, but they didn't have an agreement like you mention. They just finally got over the idea that love had to start with romance rather than friendship."
What happens... happens...
"My best friend dated this chick through high school. They broke up to go to separate colleges, dated other people obviously. Got back in town after graduating, got back together, got married. That was like 19 years and 3 kids ago. He was telling me they never would've lasted a year if they didn't separate for the 4 years of college."
This is a date?!
"My husband and I were friends. I said ,"if you don't have a date on Valentine's Day, why don't you come over and we can drink/ hang out." ( it was senior year of college… this was everyone's past time on non football days or club nights) Valentines came, and we both had nothing to do. He came over with beer AND yellow/red flowers."
"He offered to take me to dinner. I turned around and looked at my roommate like," huh?! Ooohhhhh... This is a date?!" I accepted the flowers and the 6 pack, got changed and 3 days later I just knew he was the one I wanted to annoy for a lifetime. We were swimming in the Jupiter inlet and I said "I think we should get married" he said "Yep. Sounds like a plan."
"That's all it took… friends + valentines + trajectory change = 2 kids, 2 careers, 6 moves, 1 serous illness. We survived together as a team, and It will be 25 years together in February. Man, I got it right and I couldn't even think of anyone better a fit for me. It's been AWESOME!!!"
Let's Party...Marriage Love GIFGiphy
"In my case i had good friend studying together abroad who had boyfriend."
"I told her to call me when she's free. Two years later she came to work to my city she was already free. She called me and we went to a party where after an hour or two we decided to be together and we are for 10 years."
I'm comforted by a lot of this. Maybe I'll meet some new back ups. And then love will overcome. Anybody free for a chat? ;)
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Romance novels, romantic films and TV shows, advertisements, and society at large has made the gift of flowers a symbol of love, condolences, well wishes, or congratulations.
The actual act of giving flowers goes back centuries to ancient Greece, China, Egypt, the Victorian Era, and has evolved even in the last 100 years. In 1917, advertisers made giving flowers to mothers and grandmothers on Mother's Day a staple of the holiday.
Different eras and cultures have changed the way we view the importance of flowers or even the meaning behind the type of flower we are gifting. It shifted to become a gendered gesture most prodominantly in the Victorian Era as a way to express specific feelings for a romantic partner because it wasn't acceptable to share emotions outwardly.
For some reason, we still emphasize that gendered nature and restrict flower-giving to men and flower receiving to women. But what's wrong with a man getting flowers from a woman?
For some reason, we need to come up with an alternative gift for men so they don't feel emasculated (and that's on toxic masculinity). We wanted to find out what those gifts are.
So Redditor Charn22 asked:
"What is the male equivalent of buying a women flowers?"
Let's see what the men have to say.
Different kind of flower.
"I also enjoy flowers. My wife gets me the best Indica."
"Last Friday after a long day of work my girlfriend, who doesn't like weed, surprised me with a nice bag of Indica and told me to smoke for the weekend."
"I've been internally thinking about marriage a lot more this last week…"
"That's is what sealed the deal for our marriage!! She hunted down my favorite strain 100% pure DJ Short Blueberry…I looked for months found variations but never the original…made my year and was just a 'I love you gift,' no occasion; a keeper! 10 years and two kids later still in love!"
"That's love there."
Don't buy anything at all.
"Thoughtful, romantic materialistic items are great, however I'd be more than satisfied with a hug and a kiss."
"Back rub. My wife actually enjoys rubbing my back. It's good to be me."
It's the little things.
"Some guys like gifts, some guys don't. I don't like gifts, but that's also because I've dated spoiled rich girls who expected them and that experience sort of ruined it for me. But there are other ways to show appreciation."
"My current girlfriend does this one thing that always makes me smile. I am a heavy sleeper and I have a hard time getting up early in the morning. She's a morning person so she's always up ahead of me so now she likes to get up while I'm still sleeping and makes coffee for me. She doesn't even drink coffee and at first didn't even know what proportions to use."
"It makes me smile every time because getting my morning coffee is the first thing I do every day. It's a small gesture but it's one I really appreciate because I always wake up very sleepy. She usually wakes me up getting back in bed and now that I know what she's doing, it gives me a great opportunity to show my appreciation in another way."
"You should, like, marry her and stuff."
"I just about cried when my last GF first made me coffee in the morning... when no one's ever done that for you before it's a seriously big deal!"
"Nice to know some men appreciate it. My ex always took me doing stuff like that for granted. I even got up and did it DESPITE not being a morning person at all, but I was always a lighter sleeper so I was usually up first anyway."
Who doesn't love snacks?
"My late husband disliked going into stores, so I would often buy his favourite treats for him while shopping."
"Love me some snacks. Ice cream too. My son usually gets 'em all but sometimes the wife remembers mine and I'm stoked when she does."
"My ex loved 6 packs of beer and a foot long Bellacino's chicken grinder. I gave him that one year for Valentine's Day along with a VHS tape full of MMA fight matches to watch instead of going out to dinner. He almost cried. That was a good day."
Food is the way to a mans heart.
"'Honey, I was passing your favorite restaurant and I picked you up a cheeseburger and onion rings. I hope that's ok.' Yes, it's ok."
"My wife would have to call me to let me know she ran out of gas driving around trying to decide which place to stop at."
"I'd marry a woman who does that twice. hot diggity!"
Actually, maybe flowers aren't that bad of an idea.
"Buying a guy flowers."
"I would be very touched if a girl gave me flowers. I would never forget that."
"I love it when my fiancé buys me flowers. They look nice in the house, they smell nice, and it's a gift showing they care about me! There is literally no down side… unless it would completely shatter someone's fragile masculinity."
"My wife doesn't like getting cut flowers because she would prefer they didn't die for her "enjoyment." Potted flowers are okay."
"I don't dislike flowers, they are just invisible to me. If my wife puts a vase of flowers somewhere, I won't even notice until she points them out. Several times in the past, she has gone away for a week and come back and asked why I haven't thrown away the dead flowers. I never even noticed there were flowers there, let alone that they died, lol."
But it's not for everyone, just as not all women like flowers either.
"So I've seen men mention this a number of times on reddit. I therefore decided to get my partner some for his birthday (in addition to other things), and he was NOT impressed. It sucked."
"First time I ever bought flowers for a boyfriend he made it very awkward. 'Um, thanks? You don't buy men flowers.' Strict gender role adherence can really make a person miss out on small joys!"
"A direct equivalent would just be a nice plant. Personally I'm not very into flowers, they seem impractical because they wilt away after a few days. But a nice plant that can stick around for a while would be cool."
There are plenty of ways you can treat your partner and show your appreciation for them. What's important to remember that, regardless of gender, everyone is different.
We have to be specific and pay attention to our partners. Treating them like they deserve to be treated, with respect and adoration, is important and necessary to making them feel appreciated.
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The style and manner of our conversations fluctuate depending on social or professional environments.
But in a stressful work environment, many of us are inclined to drop the f-bomb but choose not to for the sake of professionalism.
Is there a way to professionally tell someone to F off without actually using those exact words?
This is something that was explored on an Ask Reddit thread when user daniabear asked:
"How can someone say 'f'k you' in a professional situation?"
Getting a supervisor involved was mentioned as an intimidation tactic.
Using A Superior
"I spoke with your supervisor about the matter and they agree with me."
"*just CCing the supervisor*"
"My favorite is when a co-worker sends me an email and CCs all pertinent supervisors under the guise of 'I've told you repeatedly about X not working and months later it's still not working."'
"And then I go dig up my original, professional reply that explained how they were doing it wrong and that X is in fact working just fine, please just follow procedure. I forward that original reply with no explanation to the whole thread as a response to the very unprofessional tantrum they're currently throwing."
"Then I sit back, sip my coffee and wait. I typically turn on my read receipt for these types of communications so I can sense the disturbance in the force in real time."
Read The Email
"When someone asks in an email for something you already sent them, you just forward the original email."
"It pisses me off that I have to keep track of what's been said and when, just to be able to find it and point to it - while it's easy for the a**hole who's not paying attention to just ask again, and again."
If read between the lines, these statements is like flipping the bird.
"I've taken your idea/feedback/POV under advisement. Thank you for your contribution."
Basically, You're Wrong
"I humbly disagree with your opinion."
Finding The Tone
"There's nuance in context. If I'm in a meeting (in person or remote) and I say 'let's talk about that offline'. That might be neutral as something is another topic or concern or the flow or time constraints are such that, that's more ideal. It can also mean other things. I think most people know the difference."
There was room for some creativity.
I Hear You
"With all DUE respect."
"'With all due respect.... f'k you' and then push send"
Kill Them With Kindness
"I hope your day is as lovely as you are."
A Slight Misinterpretation
Say to the person 'You should go f'k off eh!'"
"They will to the predicable thing, act shocked/offended and say something like 'Excuse Me?!' or 'Pardon me?!?!' or "WHAAAT?!!!"
"Then you 'repeat' yourself 'I said, You should go for coffee."
The Final Destination
"Perhaps the road less traveled is where you belong."
"Your objections have been duly noted and summarily overruled."
The responses varied depending on the work situation.
I work in entertainment. Many people in the industry are very passionate and they are not limited to those we see on stage and screen.
A production team is comprised of individuals who have integrity and have no problem mincing words when things go awry.
In my experience, when the occasional f-bomb is dropped in a non-combative situation, no one bats an eye.
What immediately follows is a collective, unspoken understanding that something didn't go over well, and everyone goes about their business.
We leave the drama for the stage.
Parenting is hard. That is a basic, simple truth--and it is not meant for everybody. I truly will never understand why people don't have to prove themselves capable of being parents before they decide to bring a new life into this world. You have to have a license to drive, buy a gun... fish! Why is there not a parenting permit?
Everything you do affects your children. And then children become adults who carry your actions that turn to scars. The job of a parent is riddled with failures. So that is a truth you have to ready yourself for and then make a plan to do better.
Thank God for therapists.
Redditor u/umbralia wanted to discuss the gritty details and the imperfections of childhood, by asking:
What are the things you feel your parents failed at when raising you?
I know I could never be a parent. I've never even kept a plant alive. It's a miracle my dog is semi-normal. That's the first step, acknowledge your faults and truths.
little things...Season 4 Swag GIF by Rick and MortyGiphy
"Confidence/worrying. Little things seem to be a big deal with them Also both of them would make unnecessary comments about my looks."
"Absolutely no food guidance at all. I was allowed to have as much soda, cookies, candy, cakes, chips, all sorts of junk food, etc., as I wanted. Seldom was there any healthy food in the house. I struggled with my weight most of my childhood and the early part of my adulthood because I was never taught to eat healthy. Finally as an adult I started figuring it out and finally lost the weight but I was not raised, ever, to eat healthy but I wish I was."
"Independence, I was the kid who had an overprotective parent so when other kids went to parks/shops/friends houses I was told no you can't go because it's unsafe, made me very socially isolated because everyone else did things and I had to stay back on my own."
No Big Loss
"My mom, she complained about me losing weight (I didn't) when I wanted to just eat enough to not be hungry. She kept asking me where I got this crazy idea to only eat when I'm hungry. And the worst part? When She was complaining about the weight I didn't lose, I was STILL overweight."
Impactcouple yelling GIF by The Maury ShowGiphy
"They failed at keeping their relationship issues to themselves and not letting it spill over into our childhood and impact our daily lives."
Children are always watching. That is lesson number one. Also, focus on imparting the ways your babies can live a full life and not just how to survive struggle.
ExplosionsIntimidating Season 4 GIF by The OfficeGiphy
"How to manage my anger. I was implicitly taught to bottle everything up because anger is an unacceptable emotion. It has had unexpected effect in a variety of areas down the line, especially when it comes to dealing with authorities."
"everything is ok"
"I have this reward issue, but for a different reason. My father used to just disappear for months at a time when I was a kid. We were a 2 income household and my mother was always too proud to ask for help or even admit there was a problem, so we usually went hungry and without power sometimes."
"Whenever my father came back, it meant we had money again and to compensate for how awful things were, my mother would take us grocery shopping and we'd get whatever we wanted. I remember vividly the times we'd come home from shopping and just pig out on ice cream, snack cakes, frozen pizza, candy, cookies, whatever we wanted."
"Having food, especially junk food, meant "everything is ok" in my brain. A lot of feast and famine as a kid. As an adult, it took me a while to work out healthier eating habits. There is still nothing as comforting as a stomach full of processed junk, but it doesn't happen often anymore."
Never Far Enough!
"My parents were extremely strict. I had to go to bed at 9pm every night, no matter whether it was a holiday or weekend. I was only able to be with friends my parents approved of. I went out with a guy in high school to see a movie that she chose for us to see. When we got to the theater, the movie was sold out so we chose a different movie."
"Both were rated PG (my mom would prefer it was rated G), and when I got home I told my mom about the movie we saw. She got furious with me because I didn't call her to get permission to change movies. That's just one of the many nightmares I dealt with. My mom would say something was okay to one day, and the next day we weren't allowed to do it ever again."
"I moved out when I was 18 years old. She lives in New England and I moved to Alaska for a while and then California. I haven't lived on the East Coast in almost 30 years. I'm in my 60's and sometimes I wonder if living all the way across the country is far enough away."
Feel the Hate
"When they got divorced it was abundantly clear they hated each other more than they loved us. Prior to that they were pretty good parents considering how young they were. Especially considering my dad had one of the worst examples of a father I'd care to imagine. They just got blinded by the bitterness between them and nobody thought to see above it."
"My sister was the center of attention when I was a kid, and in many ways, she still is. I lived a solitary childhood. My mom was completely disengaged from my life. I never go to do sports, hang out with friends, get involved in after school or extracurricular activities, or develop any hobbies. I was meant to be seen, not heard. I lived my entire childhood reading books, playing chess, and wandering around town aimlessly completely alone."
"And when I became of age to start working, she used my savings account as a means to finance sister's life. In later years when my sister grew up to be a sociopath, pathological liar, and ego maniac, they sort of recognized the mistake. My mom inquired recently why I never brought a girl over and I explained there was no room for me to have a social life in my sister's world."
Living WellNew Girl Facepalm GIF by HULUGiphy
"Confidence, money management, and throughout my teenage years, caring for me in general. I get it, my older brother had just died, but you had three other kids. One was only 8, and at 13, I shouldn't have had to step up and be his mother."
See there... failure and consequence. That is why there are so many wealthy therapists out there. Nobody says you have to be the perfect parent, just aim to be decent.