These are dark times we're in. Logging on any day of the week leads to bleak news and worse outcomes. Occasionally, we need something lighthearted and funny to get us through. Fortunately, we have friends on the internet with a treasure trove of hilarious tales to help us pass the quarantine time.
Reddit user, u/FreakyChickenMeti, wanted to hear something to brighten their day when they asked:
What is the funniest sh-t you've ever seen?
Simple Miscommunication
GiphyWe were bringing lunch to the teachers at school and my daughter announced that we made a special soup for Mr. S because he's a virgin.
Mr. S is a vegan
It's 7th Grade. All You Can Do Is Cry.
At 7th grade basketball practice we were running laps and had to dodge the volleyball net stands still standing. One girl was so busy chit chatting with her buddies facing her head back to her friends that she didn't dodge the net stand and collided with such force she was launched back a few feet and all she could do was cover her face and cry in embarrassment.
Not Even Cats Enjoy Them
My old cat ate some of my dry cornflakes and promptly spat it back out into my bowl. I laughed so hard I choked on a flake and honest to god thought I was going to die with tears in my eyes and one soggy cat saliva cornflake in my full depression meal
Right Next To It
I was frisbee golfing with buddy (way better than me). In frisbee golf you try to throw the disk into a basket on a pole, about 1m in diameter. My buddy landed his disk on the [ground] pretty much next to the pole. On his turn he just grabbed the disk and tapped the basket with it (reasonable, too short distance to throw).
I said in a smarta-- manner that you're supposed to throw the disk into the basket, not place it. So he angrily picked the disk up, and chucked it into the basket.
Except he missed.
While standing next to the basket.
I had to sit down.
The Intent Was There
this will probably never get seen but hear me out...
But first some context. I am from Kosovo and 80% of the people in this country don't know how to speak even 2 words English.
Last year I went into my first year of high school, and in my English period we had to presentate ourselves and tell our morning routine. as we start to presentate and tell our morning routine, till it comes to a boys turn (lets call him Jack). Jack starts to presentate himself to the classe and starts to tell the class his morning routine, he starts it with (in terrible english) "every day, I wake up and wash my ass" then he realized what he said and correct himself with "ehhh ehhh i kiss my ass". at this point even the 62 year old teacher is bursting into tears and it took over 5 minutes for the class to calme down, and then my best friend how doesn't know a single thing in English stops as asks me "what he say". at that point i could handle myself i laughed so hard that i cried about 5 minutes.
till this day i will never forget that moment.
Got The Sleepover Giggles
I was at a sleepover and It was that akward bit where youre trying to sleep but are very aware of how awake you both are and my friend pokes my shoulder and shows me his phone. I don't know if it was the sleep deprivation or the sugar, but its a picture of a dog from an upward angle thats kinda blurry and it says "bruh" under it and that sh-t was so funny.
We both laughed until we cried and it still gets me every time.
Literally. LITERALLY.
I was in Nathan's eating a hot dog with a friend. And he said in a condescending deadpan tone "look at this clown" and gestured for me to look over my shoulder. I was expecting to see someone doing something idiotic.
It was an actual clown standing in line waiting to order.
I started crying from the laughter.
"TL;DR: Farts and overtired people lead to a lot of laughs."
I was talking with a friend in the basement of the dorms really late at night. We were the only ones in the room and were both interested in the conversation. Out of the corner of my eye I see someone walk in and go to the ladies' room.
A few moments later we had a little lull in conversation. That is the moment that we heard the loudest fart I've ever heard. We could hear it through the door it was so loud.
My friend and I were laughing so hard that I had I had tears coming from my eyes. We were trying not to be too loud so that the person would hear is, which made everything even more funny. For the next twenty minutes, I couldn't even look at my friend without bursting out laughing all over again. I had to leave the room to get a hold on myself.
TL;DR: Farts and overtired people lead to a lot of laughs.
And We Might Never Know...
One day, a few years ago, my dad and I were driving from our town to the next town over. The road to get there is super windy and curvy through the mountains. We come up behind a truck hauling about 6 port a potties. At this point, the road gets REALLY windy. So, as we're watching, from a distance behind, the truck driver takes the curve too fast and one of the port a potties flies off the trailer and tumbles end over end across the road into the ditch.
I still to this day don't know if they had been emptied or not. My dad and I had a good laugh.
It's a very good thing no one was driving the opposite way though! Could you imagine being taken out by a flying port a potty?
Every Boy Has Done This At Least Once With Something Powdery
My friend another friend and I were sitting on a bench and I don't know why but we took grape sugar or dextrose (idk how you really call them but it was from Dexxtro Energy) made it into power and sniffed them up our nose (we were 13 or 14).
So there was this woman with her kids and my friend sniffed the grape sugar/dextrose and began to scream a bit. I never saw a more disgusted and afraid look while she took her kids and pulled them right next to her. I do kind of feel sorry about it but it was so funny.
Just A Wonderful Series Of Wobbly Events
My family's country home is on a river that doesn't allow motorized boats and there's a camp ground about 1/4 mile down river.
So me, my uncle, dad, and cousin are sitting by the fire pit and we hear some guy come screaming up the river on a John boat with a 5hp motor on the back. The river was high due to snow melt from late winter early spring so it was hiding a big rock that usually pokes up through the water.
This dude comes SCREAMING up river and the prop clips the rock and the motor falls off the back and right into the water. The guy is obviously fuming pissed off and jumps into the freezing cold water (again it was late March/early April and anyone who knows the East Branch of the Delaware River knows it's cold as sh-t even in August).
Believe it or not the guy fishes the motor from the bottom of the river tosses it back on the boat and with 2-3 pulls it starts right up and b-lines it back to the campground.
Still one of the all time hilarious stories from upstate.
But...Why?
In Biology, we have these lab desks that seat two people and cover your feet. I was sitting in the back end, and out of the corner of my eye, I noticed one of the kids taking off his pants. That's when the teacher decided she would roam the room as she gave her lecture. She finally reached this kid, who was frantically trying to put his pants back on, and he was caught red-handed. The vibe in the class and this pant-less kid was were one of the funniest and most random moments I have ever experienced.
Throw Some Rights And Some Straws
This drunk dude at a bar was telling a group of us that there was a guy sitting in a chair outside staring him down. Our friend had poor eyesight, and it didn't help that he was piss drunk, but he was absolutely convinced that the guy outside wanted to fight him.
We looked outside onto the patio area, and sure enough, there was a "guy" in a chair with an evil look on his face, facing the window to the bar. I should also add that this was close to Halloween, and the "guy" sitting in the chair was a stuffed scarecrow with a pumpkin for a head, with a mean face drawn on it.
We almost let our friend loose on the thing, but it was hilarious watching him rant how he's going to kill the guy, and to watch his back because the scarecrow probably had friends with him.
The Mouth On That Girl
There's a brewery in my neighborhood. It's one of those "cool" places where people bring their dogs and their kids.
Funniest sh-t I've ever seen was a 7 or 8 year old girl playing Battleship against the bartender, but with no ships down.
"B3."
"Miss."
"Damn it, again?"
He Literally Ran With It
A guy was sprinting down the hall in college, obviously in a hurry. Well, there was a floor mat right before the stairs at the end of the hall. The mat slipped as soon as he ran on it so he lost his balance but because he has momentum he KEPT ON RUNNING up the stairs, trying to catch himself. SOMEHOW he recovered and just ran out of the building. I could not handle it
And That's How You Cover
At work in the lab one day, a senior coworker is up on a ladder and tries to pull a 60lbs power supply unit that costs $70000 out of the rack we were repairing. Thing falls 7 feet, annihilates a table and another 35k with of equipment and slams on the floor. Coworker looks down from his perch and says, "Cha Cha real smooth" and goes back to work. I f-cking lost it.
(I work for a multi billion dollar defense company that had about 50 replacements in the back room. No big deal. But his absolute do-not-give-a-f-ck response nailed me.)
Wow...
Once, during college, a group of us saw two blind people walk into each other, and one bounced off and landed in a trashcan. Obviously, this was a shock to both, and the trash can blind person shouted "What are you blind?!", which was met with a very apologetic "...Yes?"
I will never laugh that hard again. Hell, I'm laughing at it again now just typing this.
Justice Is Swift
We had a power outage at work, so they decided to send us home early. The daughter of the firm's president was your stereotypical spoiled rich girl, and was probably a size 10 but was squeezing her a-- into size 8 pants because she couldn't accept she wasn't a single digit size.
She got excited about going home and did a high kick. Her pants split from her knee all the way up the back of her a-- with the most cartoonish RRRRRRIIIPPPPPP!
The look of shock and embarrassment on her face was worth the price of admission.
I was laughing so hard I fell on the floor. My abs hurt the following two days.
Tom & Jerry Could Never Come Up With Something So Funny
GiphyThis kid was bugging my friend so she lunged at him like she was going to attack him. He turned to run and ran face first into a pole. She started laughing and turned to run away because the teachers were headed our way and ran face first into another pole. Both ended up in the nurses office with matching bloody noses and I laughed so hard I had an asthma attack.
Rules Are Rules
Circa 2004/2005?
Principal of our middle school became fed up with the Circle Game kids were playing (game where you make a circle with your fingers and hold it below you waist so if you convince someone to look at it you get punched).
Principal holds up his fingers in the exact position as the circle game and yells at the the entire cafeteria, "YA SEE THIS!? THIS IS NOT OKAY!"
Random student: "Mr. [Redacted], does this mean you're going to punch all of us?"
Room goes silent.
Experiencing death is a fascinating and frightening idea.
Who doesn't want to know what is waiting for us on the other side?
But so many of us want to know and then come back and live a little longer.
It would be so great to be sure there is something else.
But the whole dying part is not that great, so we'll have to rely on other people's accounts.
Redditor AlaskaStiletto wanted to hear from everyone who has returned to life, so they asked:
"Redditors who have 'died' and come back to life, what did you see?"
Sensations
Happy Good Vibes GIF by Major League SoccerGiphy"My dad's heart stopped when he had a heart attack and he had to be brought back to life. He kept the paper copy of the heart monitor which shows he flatlined. He said he felt an overwhelming sensation of peace, like nothing he had felt before."
PeachesnPain
Recovery
"I had surgical complications in 2010 that caused a great deal of blood loss. As a result, I had extremely low blood pressure and could barely stay awake. I remember feeling like I was surrounded by loved ones who had passed. They were in a circle around me and I knew they were there to guide me onwards. I told them I was not ready to go because my kids needed me and I came back."
"My nurse later said she was afraid she’d find me dead every time she came into the room."
"It took months, and blood transfusions, but I recovered."
good_golly99
Take Me Back
"Overwhelming peace and happiness. A bright airy and floating feeling. I live a very stressful life. Imagine finding out the person you have had a crush on reveals they have the same feelings for you and then you win the lotto later that day - that was the feeling I had."
"I never feared death afterward and am relieved when I hear of people dying after suffering from an illness."
rayrayrayray
Free
The Light Minnie GIF by (G)I-DLEGiphy"I had a heart surgery with near-death experience, for me at least (well the possibility that those effects are caused by morphine is also there) I just saw black and nothing else but it was warm and I had such inner peace, its weird as I sometimes still think about it and wish this feeling of being so light and free again."
TooReDTooHigh
This is why I hate surgery.
You just never know.
Shocked
Giphy"More of a near-death experience. I was electrocuted. I felt like I was in a deep hole looking straight up in the sky. My life flashed before me. Felt sad for my family, but I had a deep sense of peace."
Admirable_Buyer6528
The SOB
"Nursing in the ICU, we’ve had people try to die on us many times during the years, some successfully. One guy stood out to me. His heart stopped. We called a code, are working on him, and suddenly he comes to. We hadn’t vented him yet, so he was able to talk, and he started screaming, 'Don’t let them take me, don’t let them take me, they are coming,' he was scared and yelling."
"Then he yelled a little more, as we tried to calm him down, he screamed, 'No, No,' and gestured towards the end of the bed, and died again. We didn’t get him back. It was seriously creepy. We called his son to tell him the news, and the son said basically, 'Good, he was an SOB.'”
1-cupcake-at-a-time
Colors
"My sister died and said it was extremely peaceful. She said it was very loud like a train station and lots of talking and she was stuck in this area that was like a curtain with lots of beautiful colors (colors that you don’t see in real life according to her) a man told her 'He was sorry, but she had to go back as it wasn’t her time.'"
Hannah_LL7
"I had a really similar experience except I was in an endless garden with flowers that were colors I had never seen before. It was quiet and peaceful and a woman in a dress looked at me, shook her head, and just said 'Not yet.' As I was coming back, it was extremely loud, like everyone in the world was trying to talk all at once. It was all very disorienting but it changed my perspective on life!"
huntokarrr
The Fog
"I was in a gray fog with a girl who looked a lot like a young version of my grandmother (who was still alive) but dressed like a pioneer in the 1800s she didn't say anything but kept pulling me towards an opening in the wall. I kept refusing to go because I was so tired."
"I finally got tired of her nagging and went and that's when I came to. I had bled out during a c-section and my heart could not beat without blood. They had to deliver the baby and sew up the bleeders. refill me with blood before they could restart my heart so, like, at least 12 minutes gone."
Fluffy-Hotel-5184
Through the Walls
"My spouse was dead for a couple of minutes one miserable night. She maintains that she saw nothing, but only heard people talking about her like through a wall. The only thing she remembers for absolute certain was begging an ER nurse that she didn't want to die."
"She's quite alive and well today."
Hot-Refrigerator6583
Well let's all be happy to be alive.
It seems to be all we have.
Trying to lose weight is a struggle understood by many people regardless of size.
The goal of reaching a healthy weight may seem unattainable, but with diet and exercise, it can pay off through persistence and discipline.
Seeing the pounds gradually drop off can also be a great motivator and incentivize people to stay the course.
Those who've achieved their respective weight goals shared their experiences when Redditor apprenti8455 asked:
"People who lost a lot of weight, what surprises you the most now?"
Redditors didn't see these coming.
Shiver Me Timbers
"I’m always cold now!"
– Telrom_1
"I had a coworker lose over 130 pounds five or six years ago. I’ve never seen him without a jacket on since."
– r7ndom
"140 lbs lost here starting just before COVID, I feel like that little old lady that's always cold, damn this top comment was on point lmao."
– mr_remy
Drawing Concern
"I lost 100 pounds over a year and a half but since I’m old(70’s) it seems few people comment on it because (I think) they think I’m wasting away from some terminal illness."
– dee-fondy
"Congrats on the weight loss! It’s honestly a real accomplishment 🙂"
"Working in oncology, I can never comment on someone’s weight loss unless I specifically know it was on purpose, regardless of their age. I think it kind of ruffles feathers at times, but like I don’t want to congratulate someone for having cancer or something. It’s a weird place to be in."
– LizardofDeath
Unleashing Insults
"I remember when I lost the first big chunk of weight (around 50 lbs) it was like it gave some people license to talk sh*t about the 'old' me. Old coworkers, friends, made a lot of not just negative, but harsh comments about what I used to look like. One person I met after the big loss saw a picture of me prior and said, 'Wow, we wouldn’t even be friends!'”
"It wasn’t extremely common, but I was a little alarmed by some of the attention. My weight has been up and down since then, but every time I gain a little it gets me a little down thinking about those things people said."
– alanamablamaspama
Not Everything Goes After Losing Weight
"The loose skin is a bit unexpected."
– KeltarCentauri
"I haven’t experienced it myself, but surgery to remove skin takes a long time to recover. Longer than bariatric surgery and usually isn’t covered by insurance unless you have both."
– KatMagic1977
"It definitely does take a long time to recover. My Dad dropped a little over 200 pounds a few years back and decided to go through with skin removal surgery to deal with the excess. His procedure was extensive, as in he had skin taken from just about every part of his body excluding his head, and he went through hell for weeks in recovery, and he was bedridden for a lot of it."
– Jaew96
These Redditors shared their pleasantly surprising experiences.
Shopping
"I can buy clothes in any store I want."
– WaySavvyD
"When I lost weight I was dying to go find cute, smaller clothes and I really struggled. As someone who had always been restricted to one or two stores that catered to plus-sized clothing, a full mall of shops with items in my size was daunting. Too many options and not enough knowledge of brands that were good vs cheap. I usually went home pretty frustrated."
– ganache98012
No More Symptoms
"Lost about 80 pounds in the past year and a half, biggest thing that I’ve noticed that I haven’t seen mentioned on here yet is my acid reflux and heartburn are basically gone. I used to be popping tums every couple hours and now they just sit in the medicine cabinet collecting dust."
– colleennicole93
Expanding Capabilities
"I'm all for not judging people by their appearance and I recognise that there are unhealthy, unachievable beauty standards, but one thing that is undeniable is that I can just do stuff now. Just stamina and flexibility alone are worth it, appearance is tertiary at best."
– Ramblonius
People Change Their Tune
"How much nicer people are to you."
"My feet weren't 'wide' they were 'fat.'"
– LiZZygsu
"Have to agree. Lost 220 lbs, people make eye contact and hold open doors and stuff"
"And on the foot thing, I also lost a full shoe size numerically and also wear regular width now 😅"
– awholedamngarden
It's gonna take some getting used to.
Bones Everywhere
"Having bones. Collarbones, wrist bones, knee bones, hip bones, ribs. I have so many bones sticking out everywhere and it’s weird as hell."
– Princess-Pancake-97
"I noticed the shadow of my ribs the other day and it threw me, there’s a whole skeleton in here."
– bekastrange
Knee Pillow
"Right?! And they’re so … pointy! Now I get why people sleep with pillows between their legs - the knee bones laying on top of each other (side sleeper here) is weird and jarring."
– snic2030
"I lost only 40 pounds within the last year or so. I’m struggling to relate to most of these comments as I feel like I just 'slimmed down' rather than dropped a ton. But wow, the pillow between the knees at night. YES! I can relate to this. I think a lot of my weight was in my thighs. I never needed to do this up until recently."
– Strongbad23
More Mobility
"I’ve lost 100 lbs since 2020. It’s a collection of little things that surprise me. For at least 10 years I couldn’t put on socks, or tie my shoes. I couldn’t bend over and pick something up. I couldn’t climb a ladder to fix something. Simple things like that I can do now that fascinate me."
"Edit: Some additional little things are sitting in a chair with arms, sitting in a booth in a restaurant, being able to shop in a normal store AND not needing to buy the biggest size there, being able to easily wipe my butt, and looking down and being able to see my penis."
– dma1965
People making significant changes, whether for mental or physical health, can surely find a newfound perspective on life.
But they can also discover different issues they never saw coming.
That being said, overcoming any challenge in life is laudable, especially if it leads to gaining confidence and ditching insecurities.