These are dark times we're in. Logging on any day of the week leads to bleak news and worse outcomes. Occasionally, we need something lighthearted and funny to get us through. Fortunately, we have friends on the internet with a treasure trove of hilarious tales to help us pass the quarantine time.
Reddit user, u/FreakyChickenMeti, wanted to hear something to brighten their day when they asked:
We were bringing lunch to the teachers at school and my daughter announced that we made a special soup for Mr. S because he's a virgin.
Mr. S is a vegan
It's 7th Grade. All You Can Do Is Cry.
At 7th grade basketball practice we were running laps and had to dodge the volleyball net stands still standing. One girl was so busy chit chatting with her buddies facing her head back to her friends that she didn't dodge the net stand and collided with such force she was launched back a few feet and all she could do was cover her face and cry in embarrassment.
Not Even Cats Enjoy Them
My old cat ate some of my dry cornflakes and promptly spat it back out into my bowl. I laughed so hard I choked on a flake and honest to god thought I was going to die with tears in my eyes and one soggy cat saliva cornflake in my full depression meal
Right Next To It
I was frisbee golfing with buddy (way better than me). In frisbee golf you try to throw the disk into a basket on a pole, about 1m in diameter. My buddy landed his disk on the [ground] pretty much next to the pole. On his turn he just grabbed the disk and tapped the basket with it (reasonable, too short distance to throw).
I said in a smarta-- manner that you're supposed to throw the disk into the basket, not place it. So he angrily picked the disk up, and chucked it into the basket.
Except he missed.
While standing next to the basket.
I had to sit down.
The Intent Was There
this will probably never get seen but hear me out...
But first some context. I am from Kosovo and 80% of the people in this country don't know how to speak even 2 words English.
Last year I went into my first year of high school, and in my English period we had to presentate ourselves and tell our morning routine. as we start to presentate and tell our morning routine, till it comes to a boys turn (lets call him Jack). Jack starts to presentate himself to the classe and starts to tell the class his morning routine, he starts it with (in terrible english) "every day, I wake up and wash my ass" then he realized what he said and correct himself with "ehhh ehhh i kiss my ass". at this point even the 62 year old teacher is bursting into tears and it took over 5 minutes for the class to calme down, and then my best friend how doesn't know a single thing in English stops as asks me "what he say". at that point i could handle myself i laughed so hard that i cried about 5 minutes.
till this day i will never forget that moment.
Got The Sleepover Giggles
I was at a sleepover and It was that akward bit where youre trying to sleep but are very aware of how awake you both are and my friend pokes my shoulder and shows me his phone. I don't know if it was the sleep deprivation or the sugar, but its a picture of a dog from an upward angle thats kinda blurry and it says "bruh" under it and that sh-t was so funny.
We both laughed until we cried and it still gets me every time.
I was in Nathan's eating a hot dog with a friend. And he said in a condescending deadpan tone "look at this clown" and gestured for me to look over my shoulder. I was expecting to see someone doing something idiotic.
It was an actual clown standing in line waiting to order.
I started crying from the laughter.
"TL;DR: Farts and overtired people lead to a lot of laughs."
I was talking with a friend in the basement of the dorms really late at night. We were the only ones in the room and were both interested in the conversation. Out of the corner of my eye I see someone walk in and go to the ladies' room.
A few moments later we had a little lull in conversation. That is the moment that we heard the loudest fart I've ever heard. We could hear it through the door it was so loud.
My friend and I were laughing so hard that I had I had tears coming from my eyes. We were trying not to be too loud so that the person would hear is, which made everything even more funny. For the next twenty minutes, I couldn't even look at my friend without bursting out laughing all over again. I had to leave the room to get a hold on myself.
TL;DR: Farts and overtired people lead to a lot of laughs.
And We Might Never Know...
One day, a few years ago, my dad and I were driving from our town to the next town over. The road to get there is super windy and curvy through the mountains. We come up behind a truck hauling about 6 port a potties. At this point, the road gets REALLY windy. So, as we're watching, from a distance behind, the truck driver takes the curve too fast and one of the port a potties flies off the trailer and tumbles end over end across the road into the ditch.
I still to this day don't know if they had been emptied or not. My dad and I had a good laugh.
It's a very good thing no one was driving the opposite way though! Could you imagine being taken out by a flying port a potty?
Every Boy Has Done This At Least Once With Something Powdery
My friend another friend and I were sitting on a bench and I don't know why but we took grape sugar or dextrose (idk how you really call them but it was from Dexxtro Energy) made it into power and sniffed them up our nose (we were 13 or 14).
So there was this woman with her kids and my friend sniffed the grape sugar/dextrose and began to scream a bit. I never saw a more disgusted and afraid look while she took her kids and pulled them right next to her. I do kind of feel sorry about it but it was so funny.
Just A Wonderful Series Of Wobbly Events
My family's country home is on a river that doesn't allow motorized boats and there's a camp ground about 1/4 mile down river.
So me, my uncle, dad, and cousin are sitting by the fire pit and we hear some guy come screaming up the river on a John boat with a 5hp motor on the back. The river was high due to snow melt from late winter early spring so it was hiding a big rock that usually pokes up through the water.
This dude comes SCREAMING up river and the prop clips the rock and the motor falls off the back and right into the water. The guy is obviously fuming pissed off and jumps into the freezing cold water (again it was late March/early April and anyone who knows the East Branch of the Delaware River knows it's cold as sh-t even in August).
Believe it or not the guy fishes the motor from the bottom of the river tosses it back on the boat and with 2-3 pulls it starts right up and b-lines it back to the campground.
Still one of the all time hilarious stories from upstate.
In Biology, we have these lab desks that seat two people and cover your feet. I was sitting in the back end, and out of the corner of my eye, I noticed one of the kids taking off his pants. That's when the teacher decided she would roam the room as she gave her lecture. She finally reached this kid, who was frantically trying to put his pants back on, and he was caught red-handed. The vibe in the class and this pant-less kid was were one of the funniest and most random moments I have ever experienced.
Throw Some Rights And Some Straws
This drunk dude at a bar was telling a group of us that there was a guy sitting in a chair outside staring him down. Our friend had poor eyesight, and it didn't help that he was piss drunk, but he was absolutely convinced that the guy outside wanted to fight him.
We looked outside onto the patio area, and sure enough, there was a "guy" in a chair with an evil look on his face, facing the window to the bar. I should also add that this was close to Halloween, and the "guy" sitting in the chair was a stuffed scarecrow with a pumpkin for a head, with a mean face drawn on it.
We almost let our friend loose on the thing, but it was hilarious watching him rant how he's going to kill the guy, and to watch his back because the scarecrow probably had friends with him.
The Mouth On That Girl
There's a brewery in my neighborhood. It's one of those "cool" places where people bring their dogs and their kids.
Funniest sh-t I've ever seen was a 7 or 8 year old girl playing Battleship against the bartender, but with no ships down.
"Damn it, again?"
He Literally Ran With It
A guy was sprinting down the hall in college, obviously in a hurry. Well, there was a floor mat right before the stairs at the end of the hall. The mat slipped as soon as he ran on it so he lost his balance but because he has momentum he KEPT ON RUNNING up the stairs, trying to catch himself. SOMEHOW he recovered and just ran out of the building. I could not handle it
And That's How You Cover
At work in the lab one day, a senior coworker is up on a ladder and tries to pull a 60lbs power supply unit that costs $70000 out of the rack we were repairing. Thing falls 7 feet, annihilates a table and another 35k with of equipment and slams on the floor. Coworker looks down from his perch and says, "Cha Cha real smooth" and goes back to work. I f-cking lost it.
(I work for a multi billion dollar defense company that had about 50 replacements in the back room. No big deal. But his absolute do-not-give-a-f-ck response nailed me.)
Once, during college, a group of us saw two blind people walk into each other, and one bounced off and landed in a trashcan. Obviously, this was a shock to both, and the trash can blind person shouted "What are you blind?!", which was met with a very apologetic "...Yes?"
I will never laugh that hard again. Hell, I'm laughing at it again now just typing this.
Justice Is Swift
We had a power outage at work, so they decided to send us home early. The daughter of the firm's president was your stereotypical spoiled rich girl, and was probably a size 10 but was squeezing her a-- into size 8 pants because she couldn't accept she wasn't a single digit size.
She got excited about going home and did a high kick. Her pants split from her knee all the way up the back of her a-- with the most cartoonish RRRRRRIIIPPPPPP!
The look of shock and embarrassment on her face was worth the price of admission.
I was laughing so hard I fell on the floor. My abs hurt the following two days.
Tom & Jerry Could Never Come Up With Something So FunnyGiphy
This kid was bugging my friend so she lunged at him like she was going to attack him. He turned to run and ran face first into a pole. She started laughing and turned to run away because the teachers were headed our way and ran face first into another pole. Both ended up in the nurses office with matching bloody noses and I laughed so hard I had an asthma attack.
Rules Are Rules
Principal of our middle school became fed up with the Circle Game kids were playing (game where you make a circle with your fingers and hold it below you waist so if you convince someone to look at it you get punched).
Principal holds up his fingers in the exact position as the circle game and yells at the the entire cafeteria, "YA SEE THIS!? THIS IS NOT OKAY!"
Random student: "Mr. [Redacted], does this mean you're going to punch all of us?"
Room goes silent.
Do you have something to confess to George? Text "Secrets" or "" to +1 (310) 299-9390 to talk him about it.
All of us have fears which some might call irrational.
Up to and including ghosts, witches, monsters.
But more often than not, reality can be far scarier than the supernatural.
And there are very few people indeed who don't have a memory of a moment when they were truly and genuinely scared.
And not by an otherworldly encounter, but by things that could quite literally happen to anyone.
Redditor GodhimselfUwU was curious to hear the scariest experiences people have lived through, leading them to ask:
"What’s the scariest non-supernatural thing that ever happened to you?"
"I was 14, alone at my grandmas house around midnight."
"She was across the street at the bar she owned."
"I was playing games on her computer, about 15 feet from one of the windows facing the backyard."
"All of a sudden the glass from that window shatters, and I ran to one of the bedrooms."
"I can hear my name being called."
"Eventually I see my grandma's ex-boyfriend enter the living room where the computer is."
"He keeps saying my name."
"I’m scared sh*tless, but I walk out and confront him."
"He says my grandma stole his ID and that’s what he came for, as he’s taking money from my grandmas purse."
"He looks f*cked up on something."
"I forget how he leaves but when he does I call the bar and people come over looking for him."
"They didn’t find him."
"About a year later he did it again, and I was once again alone there."
"Except this time instead of breaking a window he decides to try to kick the side door in."
"I’m just there chilling when out of nowhere I hear the loudest bangs coming from the side of the house and I instantly knew what was happening."
"I immediately called the bar and they sent a bunch of people over before he could make it in."
"He apparently tried to jump from one of her sheds into the alley next to her house and broke his leg."
"He went to prison."- nfreshn
They're coming right for us!
"Two bison charging right toward me down a narrow wooded path in Yellowstone when I was 12."- pcc2Open Range Running GIF by Reconnecting RootsGiphy
Uncomfortable in new surroundings.
"My sister has mental health issues."
"We were in a foreign country, driving across mountains on a one lane dirt road with no guardrails."
"She had a complete mental breakdown and threatened many times to drive off the edge."
"To this day, my mom swears my sister wouldn't have done it."
"All I say is, 'you weren't in the car'."
"'You have no idea'."- BlorengeJulius
Lost in the woods.
"Getting lost on 350 acres of woods in southeast Georgia."
"Was found about 6 hours later."
The dog found me hours before the people did.- No_Regrats_42Scared Woods GIF by Brat TVGiphy
A near death experience.
"Was working as a linemen tasked to replace a 16m wooden power pole which requires climbing up to untie the lines from the isolators."
"I checked if the pole had any rot beforehand, climbed up, untied the lines, climbed down, as I was packing my tools up , the pole fell from its own."- LimaRadek
He wasn't who he claimed to be.
"A man claiming to be a meter reader was in our yard and tried the back door AFTER trying the front."
"It was unlocked because there was a field behind us and our gate had a lock, that he somehow got by."
"The meter reader man was nearly eaten by our Great Dane who was dumb and peaceful, except for when she laid eyes on him."
"Our other dog also wanted to kill him and he was up on our trampoline begging us to call the dogs off, which we, my then 11 year old sister and I, refused to do and went to get our dad, who worked from home."
"The guy escaped while we got our dad and my dad let the police know what happened."
"The real meter reader man came the next week."- ApplesintheorchardDog Bouncing GIF by AFV PetsGiphy
Had no idea what they were witnessing.
"I guess watching a loved one have a seizure when I didn’t understand what it was."
"Legit thought I witnessed a death."
"Scary stuff."- Peppapigisgodly
Always look both ways.
"I got hit by a car while in a crosswalk a few months back."
"Had a split second where I saw him coming and realized what was about to happen."
"I thought I was going to die."- jolalolalulu
Big Sister to the Rescue.
"Saved my sisters life."
"We were boating and my parents just kinda assumed we’d be ok with them only out a couple hundred feet."
"I was about 17 and she was about 7."
"I’m laying there chilling and see her slip and fall into the water and just straight up sink."
"Ran over, dove in and pulled her to shore."
"She spit up a bunch of water and was fine but that experience rocked me to my core."
"Not a super crazy story but almost seeing a sibling die has always stuck with me."
"I’ve broken almost every bone in my body, I died one time and was in a coma for a little bit but for some reason this one stuck with me."- Present-Trip5231
Often, an experience that left us scared does make for a good story down the line.
Though whether it was a good enough story to make having gone through the experience worth it, is debatable.
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Having to work for a living is hard work.
Some jobs come with difficulty and two extra sides of stress.
So the last thing people need is unwarranted hate.
I'm so glad I work from home. Writing alone.
I have issues with me, but that I can deal with.
I do hate internet issues.
But that is warranted.
Redditor PM_ME_URFOOD wanted to talk about the jobs where a ridiculous amount of vitriol is all part of a days work. They asked:
"What profession gets an unjustified amount of hate?"
Waiting tables was always the bane of my existence. Customers are rude. Staff is rude. It never ends.
Filthy HoursFail Just For Laughs GIFGiphy
"Trash men. They’re looked down on as dirty and uneducated, but they do a hard job that is absolutely critical to our public health."
"Youth sports officials. I umpire baseball as a hobby and the way parents act is deplorable."
"The parents on the other hand deserve loads of hate sometimes. I was a coach for soccer and volleyball while I was in the Air Force. You would have loved to be a sports official for our leagues at our base. If a parent got sh**ty they are immediately ejected, no questions, and reported to whoever is their higher authority. It almost never happened."
Behind the Counter
"Any customer (client/patient) facing job. They get the abuse that stems from managements decisions, mistakes and incompetence."
"I did customer service for automotive companies at a call center for years. People get so unhinged, between dealerships, management, people calling into the wrong department, angry customers who were itching for a fight over a rental car. The job paid for five free therapy sessions a year, but honestly, it would take every ounce of restraint not to break some days."
"You aren't allowed to defend yourself or hang up, you can't transfer them to supervisors for a call, you technically work for a third party company that exists to keep the customer from ever actually speaking to the corporation. It was the worst job I've ever had, and that's coming from someone who used to work at a seafood processing plant."
"Food service. The workers have to eat too, you know."
"Working fast food sucked. Not because the job was hard. But because people were *icks. For like, no reason. Working in an actual kitchen also sucked. Not because the work was hard, but because you never did it quick enough and your boss was a *ick for like no reason. But at least you didn't deal with customers."
Too much stress...Jim Carrey Omg GIFGiphy
"Defense attorneys. People hate them because they defend violent criminals. However, as one lawyer put it, their job is not just to defend these people; their job is also to make sure that the cops did their job correctly."
I've always wondered about defense attorneys. How do they reconcile their morals?
They're Smart Toowill birth control GIFGiphy
"I live in Germany and currently in my (hopefully) last semester of university to become a pharmacist (4 years of university, one practical year and three exams of state required). A lot of people here think pharmacists are only cashiers and don’t know we get a scientific education. And God help me if I question a doctor's decision."
"I usually just lurk as a guest, but I made a Reddit account just for this. Cooks for public schools. They are constantly overworked, underpaid, and disrespected. Most schools have only a few ovens and microwaves, so school chefs have to either jam unsafe amounts of frozen food into ovens and microwaves, which is a giant fire hazard, or work non-stop from early morning."
"Plant breeders and plant geneticists. Imagine you're a plant nerd and you spend your life studying genetics so you can figure out how to improve food crops. Like, to make them yield more, taste better, be healthier, survive drought, etc. But on the internet, you're apparently trying to poison the world and control the food supply."
"Veterinarians. My doctors CONSTANTLY get yelled at or called heartless when, for instance, we refer them to a hospital more suited to care for the animal than us. Like bro we didn't just tell you know we are giving you options and trying to ensure you seek the proper care. Don't call me a heartless b**tard for that crap."
No Fun InvolvedAngry Neil Flynn GIFGiphy
"Janitors. Trash-related work. Sewage workers. Plumbing."'
I feel for everyone in these jobs. They deserve better.
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Short of having a shopping addiction, no one actually likes spending money on stuff.
Why would you ever willingly give it away? It's your money!
Which might be why it feels so bad when you have to spend money of something that should be free from the beginning. People/ corporations are going to chase that cheddar, though, so there's little you can do besides complain, which frankly might be the best thing the internet is for.
"What should be free?"
Let's get these out of the way first...No, let's get this first one out of the way first.
Hidden fees are the worst.
Hidden. F***ing. Fees.
"Transaction/processing fees when you order a digital product online. Such as a concert ticket, where you pay 6 euro extra while you pay online, and have to print the ticket yourself."
"Or processing fees to pay bills that you need. Duke energy charges a $7 processing fee for you to pay your energy bill. Like wtf."
Pay To Pee
"Public bathrooms! The amount of human piles of poop around because the homeless have no where to relieve themselves!"
"Live in a very tourist-y part of the U.K., all public toilets charge and most cafes/pubs/libraries won’t let people use their toilets. As someone who lives here year round it’s really frustrating and doesn’t seem to make sense."
Want A Better Society? Educate Them.
"College. Or at the very least, college APPLICATIONS. If you're gonna require it for most careers, atleast make it accessible for people. And I just think it's stupid that people have to pay to get rejected."
"Oh god I hate that so much. Same with applying to apartments it’s such a waste of money if you don’t get approved. It racks up quickly too."
It does feel grimy when "official documentation" that is "mandatory" has to be bought and paid for not by the people requiring it, but by the people needing it.
Forcing Us To Pay For Something We're Forced To Have
"ID cards issued by the government. Especially since you need them for almost every aspect of daily living."
"I'm not the biggest fan of free stuf but having to pay for a piece of paper that says "I exist" is ridiculous."
It'll never not feel bad having to pay for something we expect to be free, but it feels ten times worse when it's something you need to get by in life. As in, need to live.
Let's All Agree To Take Care Of Each Other
"All base needs up to a level. I mean stuff we need to survive, eg. power, water,... and things we are required to use to be relevant in daily life internet,..."
"Seeing how now power companies are fuel companies are having THE biggest profit in years while more and more families are pushed into bigger and bigger deths just to get by."
"Same goes for internet tbh, poor kids are just not getting by in school becasue they lack the basic stuff every other kid has to get further in life. I am not saying they need the fastest possible internet with unlimited dl, but give them so they can work for school so the vicious cycle can be broken."
We Need It More Than Anyone
"All mental health services. If you don’t have benefits or a VERY good paying job, they are unaffordable for how often most people really need them. At $120-160/ session even once a week is not affordable for most people these days"
A Fine Line Between Need And Want
"Drinking water, sure. But water is an expendable resource and it should honestly be more restricted when we think about cases like people watering their lawns."
Paying To Live
"Insulin. People are dying because of greedy pharmaceutical companies."
"But We're 'Pro-Life'" - Jerks
"Birth control of all kinds."
"For anyone who b*tches about spending taxpayer money, I'd ask whether it costs more to provide condoms or to house prisoners."
"Giving birth (In the us)"
"As a female US citizen the more I learn about the whole giving birth sh*t the less I want kids. My friend just had a baby, there were some complications. She is now paying off a 14k hospital bill! The lowest I have hears is 8k. 8k just to have a f-cking kid! For a country that is gung-ho about forcing women to have kids they have missed the mark completely."
Everyone is looking for their payout, and unfortunately sometimes we're the ones who have to give it to them, whether it makes sense or not.
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The worst part of having breasts is Florida.
I didn't even say large breasts. Just breasts, any breasts. Florida and breasts are mortal enemies sworn to battle one another into oblivion until the end of days.
In other states, you and your ladies can live a more peaceful life. Here in Florida, it's A Song of Sweat And Fire Ants.
Ever get tiny little jellyfish stuck under your side-boob? Happens here all the time.
Bikinis should come with a "Sand Lice, Your Titty Crease, And You" informational pamphlet.
Wanna jog? Hope you accounted for the fact that the air is soup and will chafe and cauterize your nipples.
Know what limits your field of vision, making you more likely to accidentally step on a snake and/or gator? Boobs.
Know what slows you down as you try to escape the angry reptile from the above paragraph? Also boobs.
Reddit user Saibotnl1 asked:
"What's the most negative thing about having boobs?"
Now take all this stuff they said sucked, and then put it inside of a steam oven filled with mosquitos. That's Florida.
And Florida is incompatibile with breasts.
Cardio Is HardioGIF by VIASWEATGiphy
"I love them but running can be a nuisance even in a good sports bra."
"When I go to work, there is a woman that usually runs on the shoulder of the road. I gasp at how much her boobs bounce. Isn't that doing damage to tissue? Painful?"
"Yes! I literally always hold mine when going up/down stairs so they dont bounce. Running is uncomfortable even with a good bra :/ "
"If it's a sports bra that holds you, it's so tight that it's impossible to get into or out of without a whole team of people like a pit crew."
"If you can comfortably get into it, it won't hold the girls for long."
"Cardio is just not worth all this."
"As a kid I wasn't fit enough for jump rope, but now that I'm older and have the big boobies it feels even more impossible to ever indulge in."
Literally In The Way
"They get in the way!!"
"Lately I've been getting frustrated with exercise. My personal trainer will say to hold something a certain way and I'll try but it's so uncomfortable because my boobs are completely in the way."
"She has small boobs so she doesn't account for them being in that space right in front of your chest."
"My English teacher in 10th grade was drinking water one day when a few drops landed on his shirt. He then complained about getting older and how he never stuck out far enough to get his shirt wet."
"I just sighed."
"4th grade. 4th grade is when I stuck out too much to avoid drips."
"So very much this."
"I refuse to do mountain climbers when my trainer suggests it, she started to get mad saying it's a great exercise. My retort was that I'd really rather not knee myself in the breasts as part of my workout."
"The lady has small boobs and replied that she had never thought of that!"
"Probably growing them."
"It hurts, and if you get big boobs young and quickly, it’s both physical and social agony."
"It hurts to grow them, first of all, your chest aches and bumping them against anything really hurts - and since they’re a sudden, large addition to your body, you’re ALWAYS bumping them on stuff."
"But the social aspect is worse."
"Your female family members comment on them slyly and smirk at your response."
"Your male friends look at you weird and you have to realize they see you as more sexual than girls with smaller chests, even though you literally cannot control this."
"Other girls can be nasty and jealous."
"Eventually I learned to manage all this and I like having breasts now; but from like 11-16 I was so frustrated and upset that I had developed them at all."
Two Volcanosrachael ray boob sweat GIF by First We Feast: Hot OnesGiphy
"The sweat and itch!"
"Also that they're like two volcanos, which isn't especially practical during summers or when you're a constantly hot temperatured person anyway."
"No matter what I try, the skin under my boobs never cools down!"
"Boob sweat is the bane of my existence when it's even a little bit hot outside - and sometimes even when it's not lol..."
"I hate the feeling of sweat on my boobs. I just put tissue between and underneath my boobs to hopefully absorb the sweat so it won’t start to itch and drip."
"I STILL am not able to remove them after a long day. Why?!"
"Why can't I just set em aside for the night, all done. Why hasn't technology advanced to this possibility yet??"
"Absolutely they would. The relief we would get ... oh my god it sounds divine."
"Maybe I wouldn’t be so b*tchy."
"I’d honestly probably only wear them for ren faire, and leave them at home the rest of the year."
"The double standard of girls with small chests and big chests."
"If you have a big chest no matter what you wear or do it's sexual. But for girls with smaller chests they can get away with crop tops or v necks or even swim suits."
"Lol the bigger girls who spent their entire grade school years getting sent to the principal's office for breaking dress code will agree with you."
"Loose shirts will tent and billow up in the wind as you walk-- dress coded."
"Tight shirts that don't tent but cling to your chest-- dress coded."
"And don't even think about anything but a crew neckline, or you'll be dress coded again."
"I always got in trouble for wearing dresses in school, but skinny Minnie wearing something even worse gets by no problem just because she doesn't fill it out the way I do."
ExpensiveHappy Music Video GIF by DJ MustardGiphy
"Bras are expensive and you need regular bras, sports bras, probably something special like a strapless or low back if you have a special occasion or something."
"And don't even get me started on women's healthcare ..."
"Stage 4 breast cancer patient here, and it costs me about an extra $5000/yr to stay alive if everything goes well."
"I just stopped breastfeeding and none of my bras fit anymore."
"I’ve just been wearing sports bras every day because I don’t even know what cup size I am anymore and I don’t want to spend a fortune replacing all of my bras."
"Plus if you choose not to wear bras for any number of reasons, you’re treated as deviant or an acceptable target of inappropriate attentions."
"Laying on your stomach can be tricky."
"Laying on your back can be tricky as well."
"And on your side."
"Just laying in general with big boobs is a hassle."
"However women in my life have found it difficult to get a decent back massage because of this. I've seen plenty of massage tables with head holes, but none with boob support..."
"Semi-suffocating yourself on the beach while trying to get some sun on your back is fun."
"The fact that I look like a walking refrigerator if I wear a loose fitting top, as it billows shapelessly around my body in an odd fabric rectangle."
"But if I wear something form fitting, I look like a lady of the night and am treated as such."
"OMG this !!"
"I feel like all my girlfriends around me have such a fashion sense and can wear things with such grace but I always look as you’ve described. Like either I look like a couch pillow or Jessica Rabbit."
"Sometimes I just want to cut them off honestly."
"Yeah I’ve been wanting a reduction since a was a teen because of the back pain and catcalling, and many people I know with a bigger chest feel the same way."
"I had no idea women hated their boobs so much! It honestly is shining a light on an idea I have never thought of."
Attempted MurderBlack Woman Breast Cancer Awareness GIF by Know Your GirlsGiphy
"They might try to kill me."
"Breast cancer runs in my family and I have to have my first mammogram this year at 36."
"My mom was negative for both BRCA genes but there are 6 others they’ve discovered since she had cancer that we haven’t been tested for."
"Insurance won’t cover me to test unless she tests positive for one."
"Fun fun fun."
"My mom died from breast cancer at 46. I started getting mammograms at 34."
"Luckily, I took the BRCA test and was negative."
"Constantly being sexualized."
"I’m the least sexual person but people assume I’m super sexual because of my body. And I hate it"
"Yup, I'm ace and I honestly just want them chopped off to be rid of the constant sexualization of my body."
"It makes me really uncomfortable."
"My friend in elementary school had a condition where she went into puberty super early and had large breasts by 3rd grade."
"We would walk together to elementary school every morning and get cat called a lot, but we were too afraid to tell our parents because we thought they wouldn't let us walk together anymore."
"She would have teachers make comments about them."
"When we were older she talked about how insanely awful and alienating it made her feel growing up. Her younger sister had the same condition, but went on puberty blockers for it."
"These pendulous bags of hell have destroyed my back."
"Even a decade after a reduction surgery, I remain in daily pain. And now as an added bonus they get to be misshapen, scarred horribly, and completely useless for raising a baby."
"I didn’t realize how heavy they are until I got together with girl with big boobs and woooooow they are heavy!"
"I got C cups in fifth grade and those f*ckers went all the way to G by senior year."
"My posture was/is awful and I've felt like an old woman since I was a teenager. I don't even want babies, so they're never actually gonna be useful either."
See what I mean?
They're kind of awful once they hit a certain size, and that size is pretty much ANY size if you're in Florida.
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