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When your time is up, your time is up. And when we march off into the afterlife it feels like everyone wants one of two or two things. People want to go out in a blaze of glory and/or in peace and without pain. I don't know if both is possible but I'll choose option two please. What I know for sure is I definitely don't want to be smoted by a stupid death. Like, Lord, please don't let me die choking on fried chicken and an XL frozen Appletini at the Dallas BBQ because I was laughing to hard at my own jokes. Please.

Redditor u/BlueD_ wanted everyone to fess up about the times they almost met their maker in a less than dignified manner by asking... What's the dumbest way you almost died?

We have to admit: there are times when we're watching the news, or we get an unfortunate phone call and a death is announced, and at first it's a somber feeling but then we learn the story about said person'e demise and... you can't help but stifle a chuckle. It happens. You just hope you're never the punchline. Case in point, imagine if...

Torn...

Hooked shirt on roller coaster flying by while I was operating it.

Shirt tore but it threw me a meter onto track just behind it. I crawled off in time before it came back around.

GottaGoSmash

The Lump

Born with a lump in my throat that was blocking my airway. It was so bad that I was turning purple from air loss by 3 months old, but the doctors kept telling my mom they couldn't find anything wrong. Finally was rushed to children's hospital where they did emergency laser surgery to remove the lump. Almost died to complete incompetence, thankfully the people at children's were much more capable.

Leroy_Spankinz

So Wrong...

I was playing at some church camp as a teenager. They had us running around in the dark.

Well, they had a guy wire from a telephone pole in basically the middle of the forest and I ran into it at neck height.

You know in cartoons when someone runs into something and their feet fly up even with their body and they fall down? I'm pretty sure that happened to me.

I had a very nasty cut that was pretty deep on my throat and I'm pretty sure if it was just a bit deeper I would have got the important arteries lol

I could be wrong though.

Nimbleturtles

See now sometimes this is why death is the thing of nightmares. More often than not its not about death itself; its about the journey on the way out. Life is already stressful enough, always looking both ways, and not stepping on cracks. How can I be alert for literally anything and everything all at once?

the baby....

I was born super premature and would apparently never stop crying and every doctor was just like "she's a baby, she's crying just because" until my parents took me to the children's hospital and then a doctor was like "yeah, she's dying. Surgery now." I was born with a double hernia.

vampyreprincess

Just Walk

Almost fell to my death from the second floor of an abandoned theater because I was running down a flight of stairs that are just cut off midway. Someone with the fastest reflex skills just grabbed me by my shirt and pulled my backwards.

Don't run in abandoned buildings.

coldnymph

Evil Mango

When I was 19, I ate a mango and it was a large piece and it got stuck in my throat. I started to choke. I found it hard to breathe and couldn't talk. My brother did the heimlich manuever on me and the mango came out. I laughed about it a minute later because imagine "defeated by mango" written as your reason for death.

Spiderman230

When I was three, I nearly choked to death on a piece of pineapple. I was throwing chunks into the air and catching them with my mouth like a seagull. Can you imagine that obituary? No one would've imagined me in advanced classes years later. I feel others here can relate.

The Day is Out

Using a pickaxe while tired. Was using the flat end to break up dirt. It got stuck. I yanked it, causing my feet to slip on the dirt while I basically pulled myself straight down on the spike end. My arms shot out and I landed in a push up position with the tip less than an inch from my chest.

I called it a day after that.

ProbablyYourButt

Do Vodka

I was very sad and drank lots and lots of rum. I woke up covered in vomit all over my bed, I had probably vomited multiple times in my sleep. I was alone.

I could have choked on my spew and died.

I avoid rum now.

writingwithmovement

NEVER! 

I felt incredible pain in my abdomen and laid in bed a week hoping it would go away. By the time I asked to go to the hospital I was in Sepsis. I was out of my head in pain, couldn't eat, high fever, etc.

Apparently I had a bout with diverticulitis. I had no idea what that was. Mine perforated and my white blood cell count was insane. The perforation was pouring toxins into my body cavity. They didn't do surgery, they only ran a tube down in my back to drain the 'death sludge' from my body. My kidneys and my bladder were trying to shut down. I'll never forget that pain for as long as I live.

I was on mega antibiotics and it saved my life. Even after leaving the hospital I was on antibiotics for another 2 weeks. Had this happened to me several years ago they would have had me in surgery and I would have had some of my colon removed and I would have had a colostomy bag. :-(

But, these days they hit you with tons of antibiotics and they've been having success.

I learned to never lay in bed for a week with pain like that. Never again.

moviesandcats

In the Shallow...

Lady Gaga Oscars GIF by Sky Giphy

Played in the shallow waters of a lake before knowing how to swim, father told me not to go further in and being the stupid rebellious child i was i immediately went in further and sank just as quick. luckily my father was watching and a former lifeguard, so he jumped in in full clothing and pulled me out.

the next day my parents bought me floaties.

ArnoNyhm44

Of course the best deaths are tv deaths. Some can be viewed as absurdist comedy but then fiction is often based on some reality. Do yourselves a favor and watch "Chuckles Bites the Dust" from The Mary Tyler Moore Show. We've all been Mary at a funeral. Just pray you never become a Chuckles. And for extra credit watch Hilary's fiancée Trevor die on The Fresh Prince of Bel-Air. Ouch.

REDDIT

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Image by Clker-Free-Vector-Images from Pixabay

Have you ever been reading a book, watching a movie, or even sitting down for a fantastical cartoon and began to salivate when the characters dig into some doozy of a made up food?

You're not alone.

Food is apparently fertile ground for creativity. Authors, movie directors, and animators all can't help but put a little extra time and effort into the process of making characters' tasty delights mouthwatering even for audiences on the other side of the screen.

Read on for a perfect mixture of nostalgia and hunger.

AllWhammyNoMorals asked, "What's a fictional food you've always wanted to try?"

Some people were all about the magical foods eaten in the magical places. They couldn't help but wish they could bite into something with fantastical properties and unearthly deliciousness.

Nutritious

"Enchanted golden apple" -- DabbingIsSo2015

"The Minecraft eating sounds make me hungry" -- FishingHobo

"Gotta love that health regeneration" -- r2celjazz

"Pretty sure those are based off the golden apples that grant immortality. Norse mythology I think?" -- Raven_of_Blades

Take Your Pick

"Nearly any food from Charlie and the Chocolate factory" -- CrimsonFox100

"Came here to say snozzberries!" -- Utah_Writer

"Everlasting Gobstoppers #1, but also when they're free to roam near the chocolate river and the entire environment is edible." -- devo9er

Peak Efficiency

"Lembas" -- Roxwords

"The one that fills you with just a bite? My fat a** would be making sandwiches with two lembas breads and putting bacon, avocado and cheese inside. Then probably go for some dessert afterwards. No wonder why those elves are all skinny, eating just one measly bite of this stuff." -- sushister

Some people got stuck on the foods they saw in the cartoons they watched growing up. The vibrant colors, the artistic sounds, and the exaggerated movements all come together to form some good-looking fake grub.

The One and Only

"Krabby patty 🍔" -- Cat_xox

"And a kelp shake" -- titsclitsntennerbits

"As a kid I always pretended burgers from McDonalds were Krabby Patties, heck from time to time I still do for the nostalgia of it all. Many of my friends did the same thing." -- Thisissuchadragtodo

Cheeeeeeeeese

"The pizza from an extremely goofy movie. The stringy cheese just looked magical lol" -- ES_Verified

"The pizza in the old TMNT cartoon as well." -- gate_of_steiner85

"Only bested by the pizza from All Dogs Go to Heaven." -- Purdaddy

Get a Big Old Chunk

"Those giant turkey drumsticks in old cartoons that characters would tear huge chunks out of. Those things looked amazing, turkey drumsticks in real life suck and are annoying to eat."

-- Ozwaldo

Slurp, Slurp, Slurp

"Every bowl of ramen on any anime, ever." -- Cat_xox

"Studio Ghibli eggs and bacon" -- DrManhattan_DDM

"Honestly, any food in anime. I swear to god half the budget no matter what the studio goes into making the food look absolutely delicious." -- Viridun

Finally, some highlighted the things that aren't quite so far-fetched, but still far enough away that it's nothing we'll be eating anytime soon.

That tease can be enough to make your mouth water.

What's In It??

"Butter beer" -- Damn_Dog_Inappropes

"came here to say this. i was pretty disappointed with the universal studio version which was over the top sweet. it was more of a butterscotch root beer. i imagine butter beer to be something more like butter and beer, which wouldn't be crazy sweet, but would have a very deep rich flavor" -- crazyskiingsloth

Slice of the Future

"The microwave pizzas in back to the future two" -- biggiemick91

"I've been fascinated with those for years! They just look so good!" -- skoros

As Sweet As They Had

"The Turkish Delight from Lion Witch & Wardrobe. The real ones I had weren't bad but nothing special." -- spoon_shaped_spoon

"Came here to say this. I know it's a real thing, but I always imagined that it must have been amazing to betray your siblings over." -- la_yes

"You're used to freely available too sweet sweets. For a WW2 era schoolkid, it would have represented all the sweets for an entire year." -- ResponsibleLimeade



Here's hoping you made it through the list without going into kitchen for some snack you didn't actually need.

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