We would never wish death upon our enemies. Right?
Well...let's pretend we wouldn't. And instead we would wish that they constantly stub their pinky toe as they quickly round a corner in their house, or that they can never find their keys when they're running late.
That will surely irritate them enough in payback for all the things they've done to us.
u/twitch870 asked Reddit:
Here were some of those responses.
A friend of mine bought a really simple yet devilish device. It was an annoying piezo buzzer attached to a timer that went of randomly anywhere between 30 seconds and like an hour apart. So it would beep in the managers office the manager would eventually get annoyed but have trouble tracking it down because it was so random in the time interval. He'd get up look around eventually give up and it would beep again. It was the BEST week of work ever. The crew lounge looked across the bay at the office so we all got a good laugh. Especially once the cursing started
-backspaces to fix it to write "the"
-accidentally types teh again
-gets stuck in an endless loop
We Call It...Sneezergatory
Every time they want to sneeze, they get stuck in that "limbo" mode for an extra long time where the sneeze is right there about to come out, but it won't.
Sometimes for seconds, sometimes for minutes.
Haha Wish This Didn't Happen To Me So Often
At random intervals into a nice hot shower, the water will go ice cold. Does not matter where they shower. It always happens at least once.
my apartment building was built in the 30s. this is my every shower. sometimes it goes boiling hot.
Mine goes boiling hot if the apartment above me flushes their toilet. My rental manager claims there is no way that can happen. But it only happens when they flush, so it definitely is that. And those @ssholes above me do it on purpose now. They like hearing us scream. Now I turn on the shower and wait to hear if they go into the bathroom and flush, then wait for the water to go back to normal before I'll get in.
A Prayer For Wet Socks
Such a nuisance.
Oh, how it soaks deeply!
Those dark, cold waters do travel so strongly.
I fear that once my sock has soaked so, I may nary recover.
Oh, cruel fate and my cursed holed boot, why have you betrayed this poor fool whose only crime was to walk?!
Wretched fool am I indeed to place my naive trust in earthly works of man when the Gods, so twisted in their treatment of mankind, see fit to punish us, so weak, so completely!
A puddle, cold and deep, dark and uncaring, such a vicious, wicked thing, stands silently on this cobbled road lying in wait for a moment in humanity's weakness perchance that a man such as I to step haphazardly in so that it may cling and climb through my woolen fibers and corrupt my gentle flesh!
My gentle being cries out in shock and terror, and my body, on its own volition, recoils as the icy embrace of this cursed infliction does travel so deftly from my sorry, sodden foot up my leg through channels unknown and takes firm roots in my soul so that is may proliferate this cruel corruption and waiver my misplaced faith so that now I see all things holy and good in this world are but a farce, a sadistic joke played by Gods that care not for me!
As the wetness grips me like the sharp clutch of some large, relentless raptor fit on rendering the sweet flesh of a helpless, squirming babe such as I, I curse the Gods and beings that I, we, had once thought so holy, with divine wisdom, that now I see, for this cold, dark ripple has opened my eyes, that they seek to destroy this world, what little good there is left in it...
And treat us so insignificantly as if my soul, so easily manipulated, carries not an ounce of weight with which to purchase any right to be, to exist, to matter in this cosmos, and I hear laughing, their twisted chortling, rattling, mocking deep in my brain, and I turn my eyes inward hoping, though so lowly I may be, that I may see these Gods and look upon their wicked forms!
Oh please, oh please, oh please, I must ask, I must know the answers as why me and why like this have you, you great beings, you powerful Gods and forces above all, beyond all, why have you chosen me, because it is quite clear to see, even with these clouded, mortal eyes, that you know me as nothing but a pathetic useless thing for you to bat at like a cat with a mouse, nay, a cat a mouse does not do proper comparison for thee, you great things, you incredibly powerful things, are far much more than a cat and I am far much less than a mouse and through the misery of this coldness...
this aching dampness, creeping, crawling, chilling, rooting up my pale, lifeless leg, my useless leg and my accursed shoe, this holed boot, you great things, an ancient wisdom, you have revealed a world beyond, a world not meant for others, a world I, only just now, can even slightly strain my mind to comprehend and you wanted me to see, to see the unseen, to feel new sensations the likes of which any other mere man or woman shall ne'er be fit to feel, to touch, to be, and I should thank thee, even though I am more miserable, cold, wet, clammy, and damp than I should have ever thought possible, now this reality means nothing.
I shall fall to my knees a pray to you, if you'll have me, if you'll take me, a pathetic fool of a man, dumb to your world, blind to the true world of thee, whose errant stepping landed his imprudent foot, with boot and sock fully submerged in a puddle, a cold and unforgiving puddle, and the cold waters, placed by thee, of course.
I see, I see, I see, and I know that now, the cold waters, the rushing chill soaking my being, my lowly mortal form, myself not fit to exist in the same reality as thee, my great gods, my glorious, powerful rulers of my soul, my body, my mind, the cosmos and beyond, you've shown me, generously of course, of course, your world, though I admittedly cannot fully comprehend it as feebleminded as I am compared to the brilliant, infinite knowledge of all things past, present, future, dreaming, waking, unconscious, subconscious, superconscious, radiant, powerful all knowingness of all these and more, so much, so much more than I can ever know even with one thousand lifetimes, and you've reached through that puddle, and plucked my soul from the plane, broke the chains on my mind, of this fool's dream, and let me be free to gaze, not with eyes...
These useless eyes, these lying horrid things that should be gouged clean from my skull, yes, clean holes to expose my mind, my brain, that thing which I feel your hands, your reach, your presence on me, and yes, I shall use these wretched hands, these primitive tools of a being that is no more to you than an insect is to I, yet to call myself an insect is to think too highly of myself, for your immense omnipresence far exceeds anything, everything, and the fear, this puddle in which you placed, destined for my foot to fall so squarely into, has become the source of so much fear because now my innocence has gone, my ignorance dissolved away, my infinite dreams and endless, abyssal nightmares made far more real than I could have ever believed possible and it is all thanks to your work with the puddle, whether or not you even care about me, my existence, or anything at all.
Stop Drop Or Go?
Every stop light they approach turns red before they can make it through the intersection.
Who put this curse on my mom, because she hits all reds. And then there's me. Idk if there was a misfire on that curse because as I approach the intersection it turns yellow, and there is like, .5 seconds to make a decision to go through or stop. 80% of the time I get a yellow.
Sorry I'm Not Here Right Now, I'm Walking Into Spiderwebs
Someone asked a similar question yesterday-about harmless haunting. I didn't respond to that, but I offer this:
Unseen spider webs.
I used to hike a lot back when I was younger and nothing drove me crazier than walking into an unseen spider web on the trail. It's not just the annoying fact that you now have spider silk all over and around you, but it's also how ridiculous you look to others when you get tangled up in it. You look like an absolute dipsh!t- arms flailing, spitting stuff out of your mouth, your eyes all squinted shut-it's awful.
But to have this all over your home, or climbing into your car each time you have to go somewhere-this would drive a person completely bonkers, I think.
At least it would me. I'd just go nuts.
Gosh Darn It
Every time they pick up an object, they drop it. The object doesn't break, and they don't drop it again after picking it up, just the initial time.
I figured I'd add that "not breaking" doesn't apply to objects that would definitely break. Just that objects breaking isn't specifically part of the curse. The curse also only applies to inanimate objects.
Every time they drink a liquid it immediately becomes room temperature.
Trying to drink a hot cup of coffee in the morning? BAM! Room temperature. Want to enjoy an ice cold beer on a hot summer day? NOPE! that beer is warm and foamy.
The Ultimate Curse
A curse that does nothing.
They hear a voice say they're cursed, and it doesn't do anything. That way they spend all of their time worrying about what the curse could be until they eventually cause their own problems and blame it on the curse.