Typing While Tired
In college I had a fair number of all nighters and usually had the tv going to help keep me up and help with concentration. Once a couple weeks after submitting an essay for a political science class I noticed that the message I sent with it to my professor went something like: "attached is my water for Italian cooking". My essay was completely fine and had nothing to do with Italy. I guess my brain just turned off as soon as I'd attached the paper and there must have been some cooking related infomercial on tv while I sent it.
TSA, Not T & A
Was taking my belt off at airport security. After I unbuckled, I momentarily thought I was in the bathroom and started unzipping.
Stopped myself half a second before I pulled everything down.
The name of the place I work at begins with an "F". I was chatting with one of my coworkers who was telling me how she runs 10 miles or so every morning as the phone was ringing. What was going through my head was "f$%# that." So when I answered the phone I said,
"F$%#, this is Travis how can I help you?"
My husband and I had an inside joke. Whenever someone lost something, the other person always asked, "have you checked inside your butt?"
I was in a meeting at work (conservative and traditional corporate office) one day and a coworker said, "I can't find my pen."
Without any thought or hesitation I quickly responded, "have you checked inside your butt?" As soon as I said it, I snapped back to reality and realized I was at work.
As you can imagine, everyone went silent and stared at me as my face turned bright red.
When I was sick and feeling feverish, I decided to take some Motrin to try and alleviate the symptoms. Usually I grab the pill bottle and shake out two pills, but instead I grabbed my water bottle first and poured water all over my hand.
I sleepwalk once in a while. Recently I got up at 2am and fed the dog. My girlfriend woke up and was like "wtf, did you just feed the dog? What time is it?"
Apparently I looked her in the eye and said, "Everyone loves a midnight snack."
Was on the phone with my boss and she was getting really irritated about something, I don't even remember what. The combination of her irritation and my exhaustion made my brain misfire, and I ended the call with "okay bye bye Mom, I love you!" I was so embarrassed but she thought it was hilarious and started calling me her adopted daughter after that.
I bought a block of cheese for myself last weekend while my fiancé was away in Nashville. Put it in the fridge like a normal person. At some point I had to get something out of the "miscellaneous" drawer in the kitchen (you know, the one that holds pencils/rubber bands/menus). I didn't find what I was looking for in there, but I did find an unopened block of cheese. No idea how I managed to put it there, nor do I remember ever taking it out of the fridge. But it had to be me, right?
Not too weird because it does make sense, I recently moved to the apartment directly above the one I used to live in. My former roommate leaves the door unlocked.
The frequency at which I just storm in and enter my empty old bedroom is staggering.
Hair Whitening Power?
Loaded up my toothbrush with toothpaste and proceeded to brush my hair with it instead of my teeth.
Back when we had a landline I was talking on the cordless phone and when I hung up I stuck it in the fridge without even blinking an eye. It was lost for hours and nobody noticed until we got a phone call and the fridge started ringing.
Waiting for a Ride
After work I got into the passenger seat of my car and waited a good 2 minutes to be driven home before realizing I was alone.
Typing up a report for work.
Coworkers having a conversation near me.
I proceed to start transcribing their conversation.
I had OJ at work-while I had someone in my office I went to shake it, but the cap was off and proceeded to shower myself with OJ.
Maybe We Should All Try This
Answered my cell phone "911 center, what's the location of your emergency?"
Makes my spouse laugh, my friends roll their eyes, and scares the f*$% out of telemarketers.
12 hr night shifts are a b.
I'm a security guard for Amazon and I have to do bathroom checks.
Caught myself yelling "SECURITY!" right before going to the restroom at a bar on my day off.
Thank God it was empty.
A Cold One
When I was in school (6th grade I think) my mom would make my bagged lunch. She would wrap soda cans with aluminum foil so they would stay cold (pretty sure that doesn't work).
One day I unwrapped my soda and discovered she packed me a beer that day.
Imaginary Furry Friend
Woke up early Monday morning in a bit of a panic.
I had forgot to buy cat food yesterday. The cat must be starving. I hurry and get ready for work. I plan a detour to the store to buy the cat food.
On the drive there I'm planning my run into the store and I realize I don't know what aisle the food is on. How could I not remember what aisle the cat food is on?
Then it hits me.
I don't have a cat.
I haven't had one for several years.
UNwanted Facial Hair
Cleaning up my face with electric clippers. Thought, "Oh, missed a spot." and proceeded to shave off my f$%#ing eyebrow.
Don't Drink and Dye
My wife and I were dying some Easter eggs and drinking wine this past Saturday night and I watched her take a big swig out of orange. There was an egg in the cup and everything.
I filled my car with gas and, when I got home, realized that I had not paid. I went back to the station and told the clerk what I had done. She thought she was missing a payment but the station was really busy at the time so she wasn't exactly sure. I paid for my stolen gas and went about my way.
I also walked into the convenience store next to my work, grabbed a Gatorade out of the cooler and walked out the door. I realized what I did when I got back to work. Went back and paid for that, too.
I used to work for [a sandwich retailer], so I was very used to "pizza sub" meaning "pepperoni".
One day I went to a pizza place on my break and repeatedly told them I wanted a "pizza" pizza, and got very annoyed that they kept asking what kind of pizza I wanted.
Opening a Mozzarella cheese stick for my daughter, threw away the actual cheese stick and gave her the wrapper.
Drinking the Paper Probably Hurt
Got into my car with coffee and a newspaper. Carefully held the rolled-up newspaper whilst hurling the coffee onto the passenger seat.
I cared for a horse for several years.
First thing in the morning I would go put feed and water in the field, lead her out, and close the fence behind her.
One morning as I'm walking back into my house, I hear a weird sound behind me. The sound of hooves on linoleum.
She looked as surprised as I was that I had brought her into my kitchen. Luckily, she never told anyone so my secret is still safe.
Once while playing an intense board game, I was concentrating so hard that my buddy realized that he could just hand random things to me and I'd take them and put them in my jacket pocket or place them on the table in front of me. I only realized when I ran out of space to put things.
nstead of ground coffee, I put a couple scoops of sugar in my coffee filter and brewed it. pyrrhicvictorylap
Self-Feeder Might Be Best
My dog eats in my room, which is across the house from the kitchen, and she gets a mix of wet and dry food that I mix up with a fork. So I get her wet food, get halfway to my room, realize I've forgotten the fork. Go back to the kitchen, get a fork, get halfway back to my room and realize I've forgotten the food. Go back to the kitchen, set the fork down, forget entirely what I'm doing, go back to my room to a very sad and confused puppy. Pour her dry food into her bowl, go to the kitchen, leave the bowl on the counter and go turn on the TV. Walk back in fifteen minutes later, see the bowl, fork and food sitting on the counter, feel like a dunce and apologize to the puppy. Repeat 2-3 times a week.
Not Very Appetizing
I grabbed my "lunch" on my way out the door for work in the morning.
I kept wondering what that beeping noise was the whole drive there. Couldn't figure it out.
Got to work and grabbed my lunch, only to realize I had actually grabbed the baby monitor.
went to a high school in the early 90s where smoking in the bathrooms between classes was very, very common, even though it was punishable by an $80 fine. You were required to say "it's cool" when entering the bathroom or kids would assume you were a teacher and put their cigarettes out. Not doing so could get your a** whooped. Like most kids in my school I became so used to it that it was second nature. I got a job in IT immediately after leaving high school, in a nice office building where I had to wear a tie. I'll never forget walking into the bathroom and loudly saying "it's cool," and the president of the company saying "what's cool?" with a confused look on his face. I just stood there like a dope for a second, and then made up something about it being part of a song. I'm sure he thought I was a weirdo after that.
Note: Comments have been edited for clarity.
Life is expensive without the extras. However, if you want to do things to enrich your life they don't always have to be costly.
One Redditor that goes by Goatonaflyingpancake brought out some great ideas when they asked:
“What is something people don't realise is actually affordable?"
Seriously, renter’s insurance though!
“Renter's Insurance. Especially if you bundle it with your car insurance. Usually covers replacement of contents and loss of use, so if you rent and right now could not afford to repurchase all of your clothing, furniture, housewares, electronics and medical equipment if you have any, as well as pay for a hotel until you find a place or get back in the one where the fire was, get you some. And take the time to accurately valuate the replacement cost of your possessions to make sure you get enough.”
The internet (and local library) is filled with free learning tools.Read Open Book GIF by INTO ACTIONGiphy
“Learning -- you don't need formal education to increase your skillset. YouTube is free and there are plenty of other free platforms and tools available. Using YouTube I learned to solve a Rubik's cube, whittling, basic embroidery, and cross stitch in 2020.”
“Many US libraries also give you access to Libby to borrow thousands of free ebooks and Audiobooks. I paid like $30 for a secondhand kindle and have never once paid for a book for it.”
“My library lets you borrow other things, like tools. I've heard of some letting you borrow video games in other cities. Libraries are the best.”
“Don’t buy birds of prey.”
“Birds of Prey in Britain. Sadly, predatory birds are extremely affordable in the UK. A barn owl is around £25. This leads to idiots thinking that owning a bird of prey is a good idea when in actual fact they take a huge amount of work to train and maintain."
“This then leads on to them escaping into the wild and negatively affecting the natural ecosystem. Don't get me wrong, birds of prey are beautiful and seeing them in the wild is an incredible experience however, they will continue to munch their way through all of our small rodents and animals.”
“Alternatively, because they may have been raised by humans from a chick, they fly off into the wild and die of starvation because they haven't had the parental hunting training. Don't buy birds of prey.”
Having decent shoes.
“For people that can't afford high quality shoes-Shoe sole inserts. The cheapest ones at Walmart are made of memory foam-like material and make a world of difference for me!”
“When I first started working as a cook I bought a $25 pair of non slip shoes at Walmart. I did one shift with them and KNEW I needed better shoes, however I could not afford them. I decided to try the inserts out and I ended up wearing those shoes with a $12 pair of inserts for 3 years.”
Don’t wait due to money issues!GIF by INTO ACTIONGiphy
“The Covid vaccines are free. You don't even need insurance. Seriously, if you haven't gotten yours because you're afraid you can't afford it, go get it today.”
Supporting local artists...
“Grocery delivery. I don't have a car, and to take a bus would require walking 10+blocks and then getting off and carrying all my groceries back the same ten blocks. And the bus will cost 3.50. Delivery with instacart (and I'm assuming similar apps) costs about 8 dollars. So I order from them for 4.50 more than what it costs to go to the store, and save myself 4 hours of time. It's great.”
“Side note: I've been experimenting the past few months. Instacart, ubereats, doordash, lyft, all these services for the past 6 months I've been offering the choice between a monetary tip or a gram of some good weed. About 85% of the time they pick the weed. It all started when I was taking a lyft home from the dispensary and the driver commented on how good it smelled. It's been a fun experiment it seems like they've enjoyed it.”
“I used to think camping equipment was very expensive (i would always browse the LLBean catalog growing up) so i would always borrow a tent, sleep on the ground etc, then i looked at the tents at Walmart and got a tent for like $30 and an air mattress for $7.”
“I've tried telling my friends this a million times. You can bring all your food and cook everything cheaply over a fire or a propane stove. Hell you can pack only hot dogs, chips, and a veggie try and have a complete meal right there for an entire family for less than 20 bucks.”
“There's also way more state parks than people think. This might be because I live nearby a ton of them, but I'm willing to bet that most people live within an hours drive of at least one. County parks are even cheaper but I prefer having the guarantee of flushing toilets.”
Spice does NOT mean extra mayo and raisins in the potato salad...Giphy
“AAA membership. If you own a car it's the best $55 you can spend.”
“Ask for the triple A discount everywhere you go once you get your card. The hotel I work for, it can save you $7 to $21 a night, depending on room type. It's one of the best discounts we have for non-members of the hotel rewards program. If you only stay a few nights a year, it's a good deal. You'll definitely get your membership fee back in discounts alone.”
Thankfully while the economy recovers there are still lots of inexpensive things people can do.
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First dates are extremely hard to get right.
We're all trying to put on the best possible version of ourselves when we date. We wear our best clothes, try to pick a unique spot to show how interesting we are, and hope that there's some kind of real connection.
Anyone who's ever been on a first date, though, can attest this does not always go according to plan.
What's your worst first date story?
It's almost impossible to not be awkward on a first date. You're getting to know someone, opening up, and suddenly you say something you maybe shouldn't have. Don't worry, though, because if you play it right you can adapt, own up to it, and bond over the brutal honesty.
These are not those situations.
Setting Yourself Up For Failure
"The guy insisted on paying for everything, wouldn't let me pay my half."
"At the end of the date, he raged out when I wouldn't stay the night, saying "You women are all the same, you want us to pay for everything, but never give anything in return."
"Never called him again."
Why Would You Even Say That?
"I invited a guy over I met online. When I opened the door, he told me he could kill me if he wanted, and to never meet anyone off the internet again."
"My two male roommates were in the kitchen and heard him. They were not impressed."
Getting An Insider's Reference
"She spent almost the entire time asking me about what I thought about various messages and conversations she was having with her ex and how they could be interpreted."
"She kept apologizing for talking about her ex... only to return to speaking about him two minutes later. She was asking for a male perspective on why her ex didn't want to get back together."
Speaking Your Mind Early On
"Guy came to pick me up at my place and drive us to dinner. On the way to dinner, there was an overweight man jogging on the side of the road. The guy laughed and used a horrific slur regarding his weight AND his skin color."
"I made the guy turn around and drive me home right after that and was prepared to walk home if I had to. He then proceeded to berate me and tell me how ridiculous I was as he took me back to my place."
"Grade A Douch"
Taking What's Not Yours
"I had just got back from backpacking around Europe and needed a ride home from the airport so this guy who I had a crush on and said he had one on me agreed to pick me up. He greeted me with rootbeer and we went to the local diner near my apartment where we had pancakes. We then went back to my place. He said he had a really great time and wanted to see me again. I believed him."
"He actually stole two Beatles records I bought at the Beatles museum in Liverpool that night and ghosted me."
The world keeps happening, even when you're out on a date. Unfortunately, the world can be a cruel place, expanding its tendrils into various aspects of your life. Be ready, as a first date can be halted abruptly by truly tragic circumstances.
"I was on a date with a girl and halfway through getting some dinner her mum phones her, didn't really think anything of it until she started crying get eyes out... The mum had phoned to tell her she had breast cancer."
"My dates crying her eyes out and saying she needs to go everyone's looking at me like I'm an a--hole because they assume I've just broken up with her and I'm sitting there with a blank expression on my face because I'm so confused/ don't know what to do in this situation"
Maybe Clean It Out First?
"Oh this is one of my favorite stories to tell. In my early 20s, I had just moved back home and didn't really know anyone in town anymore. I decided that I would go for someone outside of my "usual" type, and approached a guy. We arranged a date a few weeks after we started talking, and he didn't drive so I was supposed to pick him up at his grandmother's house, where he lived."
"He pretty much ghosted me when it came time for the date, and later explained that he hadn't felt up to it because his ferret had died. I figured that a second chance would be fine, and we made arrangements for the next weekend."
"I showed up at his house, and he showed me to his room. His room consisted of a single full-size mattress on the floor, no sheet, in a sea of empty Dr. Pepper cans. I was hit with the foulest odor I had ever encountered in my life, and he said 'don't mind that smell, that's just my ferret.'"
"Yes, the dead one. From the week before. He left it in the cage, in the corner of the room. For a WEEK."
"The date did not occur, I took myself right on home."
This one takes a turn for the worst.
Settle In For The Worst First Date Story Ever
"We went to the mountain because she's never been and we have an amazing time together! On our way back down, I decided I wanted to get some water from the mountain (best tasting water I've ever had in my life!) for the ride back down and into town. Seeing as how cool and refreshing this water was, I decide to chug about a fourth of the bottle. Mmmm so damn good!"
"It wasn't until we came back down from high elevation that the bubbling in my gut happened. I was gonna sh-t my pants in front of this girl and there was no way for me to stop this brown disaster from happening. At all."
"She sees my face and asks if I'm okay and of course I try to play it off and say I am, but we both know what's going on."
"I stopped at two different places and they didn't have a bathroom (to this day I think they were full of sh-t...semi pun intended) so I drove like Dale Earnhardt trying to get to the next town...but I never made it."
"I could feel the seal breaking. I had exactly 0.3 seconds before I shat my pants so I pulled off the side of the road, opened the doors and did what I had to do...right in front of her. In the middle of this brown betty, I apologized profusely... I was so embarrassed. The look on her face...I will remember forever."
"I asked her for wipes (she has kids so I figured she had wipes in her car for messes) and she gives me the package."
"3 minutes later, I get back in the car. The radio was off and we drove in silence for what seemed like an eternity. I mean, what could I possibly say? Sorry I took a sh-t right in front of you...let's get sushi? I figured I have to say SOMETHING so I look over at her and she has this big a-- grin on her face. She breaks out in hysterical laughter and tells me nobody has EVER done that before. I'm super embarrassed at this point and I tell her. She tells me she would've done the same thing and it's a lot better than sh-tting your pants. She asked me what would I have used if I didn't have wipes and I told her, most likely my socks. She laughs and then replies, "I dunno...that was a LOT of sh-t. I dont think your socks would've worked very well"
"That was almost 2 years ago and we're still together. We still laugh about this as if it happened yesterday."
Open yourself up to someone, try to make a real connection, and understand that everyone is doing their best to come across as best they can. A slip-up or two is forgivable.
Violent, racist, misogynistic language is not.
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The best-written characters are the ones with complex origins stemming from violent histories and broken families.
Villains are often misunderstood and eventually snap when they reach a breaking point after constant ridicule and mockery.
For them, the only way out of an unfortunate situation or deep despair is to take matters into their own hands – at all costs.
To have a nemesis who is just evil in nature and exists for the sake of providing conflict for the protagonist is just lazy writing.
But to have someone you can actually relate to and understand their motives – regardless of their violent methods – is more compelling to watch.
"What villain do you actually agree with/get?"
Comic book villains did not always start off with evil intentions.
"I don't agree with Magneto, but I understand why he would feel the way he does."
"I have the most sympathy for this villain."
A Flawed Perfectionist
"Dr. Doom. He saw all possible futures and the only one that didn't end in humankind dying out was him ruling the world iirc."
"Mr. Freeze, now that Batman: The Animated Series has given him a legitimate backstory. Look, if you're a scientist and your wife is suffering from a rare condition, but you know you can save her if you just have more time, doesn't it make sense to put the love of your life in suspended animation while you do everything imaginable to save her?"
Anyone is capable of giving in to the darkness, especially like these characters who were dealt with unfortunate circumstances.
Sucks Being Widowed
"Dracula in Castlevania. They killed his wife and he said they had a year to get out. It's on them for murder and not believing a murderous vampire."
"Baby Doll from the animated Batman series."
"The way her entire life is ruined based solely on her physical appearance. Her career and relationship with Killer Croc in particular, but the way you can clearly see the mental effects of looking permanently like a child."
Kung-Fu Panda Antagonist
"All he wanted was to impress his adopted father."
": You knew I was the Dragon Warrior! You always knew! But when Oogway said otherwise, what did you do? What did you do? NOTHING!"
"Shifu : You were not meant to be the Dragon Warrior! That was not my fault!"
"Tai Lung : Not your fault? Who filled my head with dreams? Who drove me to train until my bones cracked? Who denied me my destiny?"
"Sandman in Spider-Man 3. There's little I wouldn't do for my kid."
These mean toons have a likeable quality in spite of their nefarious tendencies.
That "Phineas and Ferb" Scientiest
"Dr Doofenshmirtz - come on man, those inventions are awesome!"
"It's his parents who are the real villains."
The Powerpuff Girls' Tetartagonist
"My man was straight up abandoned"
"There's an episode where he actually wins and when he finally rules the world he... Archive the world peace, reverse the climate change, and things like that. So yeah, totally agree with Mojo."
The Mean One
"The Grinch; he just wanted his annoying neighbors to not play their loud holiday music at the crack of dawn."
"The Grinch didn't hate Christmas. He hated people. I think we can all get behind that."
Not So Despicable
"Gru from Despicable Me."
"I too, dream of stealing the moon."
"I might put it back, I might not. Haven't decided yet."
Redditors found a vast number of wicked characters who possess motives they agree with to excuse for their bad deeds.
We all have suffered challenges and obstacles – some we never overcome – but we don't necessarily go on a killing spree because of unresolved issues.
Maybe that's why some of these villains resonate with us on various levels.
Watching these misunderstood or wronged characters wreak havoc on society could be a manifestation of something hopefully most of us aren't inclined to do but feel a sense of satisfaction after watching destruction take place in worlds of fantasy.
The human body may be responsible for providing us with animated life and the unique wonders of human consciousness, but that doesn't mean we know what the heck is going on in there.
In fact, so many of the human body's inner workings are unknown to us who own and use that complicated apparatus every moment of every day.
We have, of course, made some real strides in understanding those inner workings over the last couple thousand years. We may have plenty more to learn, but at least we have a general lay of the land.
Curious to learn about the lesser known-processes of our complex physical selves, Redditor Zenssei asked:
"What is a fact about the human body that not many people know about?"
For complexity, look no further than the human brain. Redditors had no shortage of facts and tidbits about that one-of-a-kind organ.
"Most reflexes never make it to your brain. The sensory aspect travels to the spinal cord and the spinal cord itself sends the muscle movement signals to your limbs."
Keep On Kicking
"Your brain continues to try to revive the body long after the heart has stopped. In some cases 30 hours later there has been found brain activity trying to make repairs to bring the body back."
"This is used to indicate time of death in murder victims."
Filling In the Gaps
"Your brain likes stimulation, if it doesn't get any it will make some up, some people are more susceptible to it then others, the colors you see before you fall asleep are a common mild occurrence..."
"...there are several classes of these hallucinations, closed-eye visuals, which are caused by leaving your eyes closed for a long time, hypnagogia, which is caused by the onset of sleep, prisoners cinema, which is caused by looking into a dark place for a long time, ganzfeld effect, which is caused by blocking out all external stimuli, and Charles bonnet syndrome, caused by sight loss."
"Most are these are simple phosphenes but some can be whole imagined scenes, or more abstract fractal-like imagery"
Others reminded us that not all bodies are the same. They pointed out the anomalies that some people experience, but on average do not describe the typical human body.
"Apparently about 20% of people have a bony ridge on the roof of their mouth. Most people's pallettes are smooth with a very slight ridge."
"The 20% like me have an exaggerated and more pronounced ridge. Apparently it's most common in women and Asian folk, and I'm neither so that's neat. I always thought it was totally normal."
A Reason Not to Move
"People who live in 'extreme' conditions for generations adapt in extreme ways. For example people that live in high elevations often have larger lungs and different blood makeup."
"Or my favorite is the Bajau people that live on the water and spend a lot of their time diving, their spleens have become 50% larger in order to store more blood."
"I drunkenly tripped off the curb and into the road after a Halloween party in college. Turns out I broke off a piece of my elbow that night."
"It ended up getting encased in what ever the human body used to trap floating bone chunks in. Now I've got a chunk of bone gift wrapped by my own body's wrapping paper floating around, right against where it broke off from." -- Tur8z
And others felt the thread was a good place to share the truly bizarre, random facts they knew about the body. Read a few of these and you'll realize just what a mystery it all is.
Shake It In to Place
"When doing surgery were the doctors have to take out some organs, when placing them back, they dont have to be put back In the exact position there meant to be, your body kind of just, moves the organs into the correct position after the surgery"
"There are tiny cilia that spin in a certain direction. If they spin in the opposite direction while you're developing in the womb early on, that is how you get organs transposed onto the opposite side of your body."
"Your stomach is surrounded by more brain cells (half a billion neurons) than the brain of a cat contains in total."
"It's your enteric nervous system. It controls digestion, operates autonomously, has its own memory, can handle its own reflexes, it has its own senses even."
"It's thought to have come about because of the blood-brain barrier and the main brain being locked away in the skull, a spinal column and nerves away from the critical action of nutrition."
"Your eyes have a separate immune system from the rest of your body and in a lot of occasions if your body's immune system finds your eyes, they will assume they are a foreign body and blind you."
So next time you think you have a good idea of all that's going on under the hood, just remember that whole layer of microscopic processes that seem to be playing by their own rules entirely.
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