Listen, kids are the literal best thing to happen to the world - as long as you aren't a fan of order or tidiness, literally or metaphorically speaking. As long as you embrace children as the beautiful agents of chaos that they are, you're good to go.
Not sure what I mean? You're about to be. Imagine you're at work, in your groove and you get a phone call saying you need to come pick up your child. Most of you imagined your kid being sick - but take it from these next few folks, you never actually know. They could be sick, they could have accidentally made a weapon while trying to take candy to a friend.
Reddit user OriginalSofaSoldier asked:
I'm telling you guys, skilled agents of chaos. So skilled. Here are some of the more popular answers, edited for language or clarity as needed.
The Reddest FaceGiphy
I got a phone call earlier this year from the school nurse, saying she was concerned because my son had passed out while in the lunch line. I went to pick him up and he seemed a little dazed, but ok. My kid couldn't remember anything about what happened beforehand, so I made an appointment with his pediatrician for an hour later.
Right as we were getting ready to leave, he sheepishly said "mom, I just remembered that right before I passed out, we were playing a game to see who could turn their face the reddest."
So, my kid had me thinking he had a brain tumor but no, he just held his breath until he passed out, and not a single other kid thought they should mention that to the teacher.
S's and F's
My youngest had a slight speech impediment when he was at nursery, he would replace his S's with F's to approximate the sound. I had to have a chat with the Head at pick up time because I'd unthinkingly used the phrase 'so long suckers' when pulling away from some traffic lights the day before and he liked the sound of it so much he used it himself.
I was in an early morning college class and when I got out I realized I had missed calls, texts, and emails from my daughter's preschool. A voicemail said she had been throwing up and to please hurry and come get her. When I got to the school the receptionist showed me to a room where my daughter was sat with a trashcan on her lap. She told me my daughter kept announcing she was throwing up and then would cough and spit into the trashcan. She had no fever and was otherwise cheerful and talkative. I signed her out, got her outside and into my car where she jumped forward and kissed my cheek and told me she missed me and where would I like to go for lunch. That kid busted herself out of preschool to finagle a lunch date with me. It worked.
Not In Class
I got a call that my son was sick and that I had to come pick him up. He was completely fine that morning. I asked the nurse, "he really can't go back to class?" and she said, "he says he's really sick." Fine.
I picked him up and on the walk home I asked what was up. He said he had to fart really badly and didn't want to do it in class. I laughed and said ok.
Two days later I get another call to pick him up. So I got him and it was for the same reason. I told him that it was funny once but that from now on, if he needed to fart in class, he should go to the bathroom lol.
Giving Forgery A Whirl
I was called in because the elementary school was going on a field that my son forgot to give me the permission slip for. He decided to give forgery a whirl. This was in first grade so the handwriting was awful. He also signed my name "Mom."
My mother was called to pick me and my twin sister up because we were turning blue. I think it was 4th grade. We felt fine though. It was only after she arrived that we all remembered she had put brand-new blue flannel sheets on our bed the night before.. apparently she hadn't washed them first.
I was the child, in sixth grade (I was 12). I was in my emo phase and was wearing a lot of black eye shadow from Claire's. I guess I wasn't so good at my makeup yet because they called my mom into the office to discuss my injuries and who was "hurting me"
Pardon My French
That was in elementary school, early years. The principal called us and looked at us with a stern look of disapproval while telling us our son was using bad language. I then proceeded to explain to her that my wife and I only spoke French at home and we did not have television. The only English our son had ever heard was at school, so I asked her what she was going to do about it. It was one of the shortest conversations I ever had with a principal.
When my daughter was in 2nd or 3rd grade, i got a call about a present she had brought to school. So, the night before, she asked to go to the store to buy some Rolos because it was her friends birthday. She wrapped them up, and put them in her back pack. I never saw her finish them up or i would have stopped her. She had wrapped each rolo in red paper, bundled a few together, put little black pipe cleaner fuses on them, and attached a note that said "your da bomb". The school was not amused. I thought it was very clever though. There were no repercussions thankfully.
Nephew is staying with me for 2 months ,I showed him Dexter's Laboratory for the first time, next day they call me to pick him up because he would only say "Omelette du Fromage" to any interaction
America is quite a place.
There is so much to see, perhaps too much.
And as much as there is to see there is a ton not to see.
Just like any country and continent, there are skippable places.
And skippable isn't a bad thing.
Redditor ArdianNuhijiwanted some advice about traveling this great land of ours.
"What parts/states of America should be avoided during a cross country road trip as a European?"
I'm not a fan of super hot, so watch out in the South. The heat can kill you.
2 Weeksrenee zellweger chicago GIF by MIRAMAXGiphy
"We just did a road trip from Chicago down through St Louis and Memphis to New Orleans. Then back to Chicago through Huntsville, Nashville and Indianapolis. Took 2 weeks. We've previously done road trips on the east and west coasts and I did a Miami-San Francisco-Seattle-Vancouver-Chicago-New York trip back in 2000."
"The interstates are great when you need to get between cities fast but it's fun to take the smaller roads and stop in the places you pass through. In some states there's a lot of nothing but then it's even more fun when you can stop for lunch in a great diner in a tiny town. Depending where you're from you might be alarmed by the poor road design and poor driving."
"Be aware that there can be sharp exits and traffic lights on huge wide highways. Exits on the wrong side (from the fast lane) are pretty common on urban interstates. 'Welcome Centers' at rest areas at state borders are (in my experience) often staffed by really lovely and helpful people. Have fun!"
"As a Canadian: We took a road trip down to Mississippi one time, just me, my ex and a friend of ours. We decided to take the backroads there instead of taking the Interstate, so we wound up in lots of places in rural US. Quite frankly, as a guy roaming in the middle of nowhere with two college girls... I never felt unsafe."
"There were some interesting 'Deliverance' moments, like when we stopped at a gas station in the middle of nowhere to get gas and hit the head. Two guys wearing only overalls, chewing chaw sitting out front, greeting us with only grunts and spits. It was like something right out of a movie and we were expecting to get skinned... but everything was fine."
DO NOT SPEED THROUGH SMALL TOWNS!!!
"As far as danger, you're not gonna be in any danger, unless you go hunting for bears or wind up in the ghettos of Detroit. Don't drive into NYC (mainly Manhattan island) the traffic is awful and parking will cost you a pretty penny (Pence? Man, I'm American.) DO NOT SPEED THROUGH SMALL TOWNS. Police get bored and they will pull you over faster than you can hit the brake."
"On the interstate you can match speed with the rest of traffic, but good rule of thumb is to not go more than 10 mph over speed limit. Finally, avoid side-of-the-highway tourist traps, like random moccasin stores or giant rubberband balls. They're not dangerous, but the products will be subpar and overpriced. (I'm looking at you, Osceola Cheese Factory)."
It's so Big!
"I feel like I should warn you that many Europeans vastly underestimate how large the USA is. You could drive for 7 hours in Texas and still be in Texas. It would take you three days to get from one end of California to the other. Pick which states you want to go to, plan your route that way, plan for it to take at least a week."
"Edit: because some Europeans got pressed in the replies, no, I’m not insinuating that you don’t know geography. I’m warning you about the mistakes that European tourists tend to make while visiting the US. You’re not gonna road trip from New York, to Las Vegas, to San Francisco, to Seattle. It’s just not going to happen."
Several DestinationsLets Go Falling GIF by BARMERGiphy
"Nowhere is really worthy of 'avoiding,' the actually dangerous areas aren’t places tourists would really seek out anyway."
"I suppose certain areas could be boring, depending on your preferences. Really I would advise the US is vast, so pick like 6 or seven destinations and do research. Don’t try to see the whole country in one go. I’ve lived here for decades and haven’t seen half of it."
It's all a give and take. Every road has a different journey.
Just BlahSpongebob Squarepants Reaction GIF by NickelodeonGiphy
"The biggest threat is boredom. Are you sure you don’t want to road-trip the east coast and then fly to Vegas and then drive up the California coast? I have driven cross country twice and it’s a lot of hours of nothing. Then maybe you see the worlds largest baseball bat or rubber band ball and then several more hours of nothing."
"If you're interested in scenery, the upper west has some phenomenal mountains to see. Montana and Idaho offer some spectacular scenery in my opinion."
"Only thing I'd warn about Montana or other more rural states is that understand that you won't always find a hotel for miles, cell service can disappear for like 100 miles, and GPS does not necessarily work off of highways. You don't want to go up some dirt road and end up stranded in hot/cold conditions with no idea where you are and no cell service."
good sense of the character...
"If you’re doing a road trip, keep in mind that the huge main arteries (like I-95 on the east coast) usually wont give you a good sense of the character of cities or the towns. Those large interstates are really just for traveling, and to get you from one place to another quickly with food, gas and restrooms easily accessible. Most of the really interesting stuff in a town or a city will be on local roads and highways. Don’t judge a place based solely on what you can see from an interstate!"
"'I support you OP. Quit listening to this There's nothing to see in the middle' bulls**t. If all you want to do is the same touristy crap as everyone else, then sure, see NY, California, and go home. But if you're coming here to say you've experienced American life, go out in the middle. Hang out with the locals and let them show you why they're still there. There's so much awesome crap to see that's completely underappreciated."
Just Go Out Thereturning up road trip GIFGiphy
"None of them; every state is unique and has amazing parts to them. They also have shi**y parts, but most of them places tourists would want to go aren’t bad. No tourist is going to some small racist town in the country or going to visit the shi**y part of the city."
Get out there kids and see it all. Be safe.
What would you add or remove from this list? Let us know in the comments section!
It's nearly spooky season!
You know what that means: Time to curl up on the couch, make some popcorn, and watch some horror movies.
But what if you're not much of a horror aficionado and you're just getting started out?
Are there any classics you might want to check out?
What about anything new that's received good reviews? Where to begin?
People told us about the best horror films they've seen after Redditor AltruisticPower asked the online community,
"What is the best horror movie you have ever seen?"
Pet Sematary (1989)
"Pet Sematary. The fact that a possessed cat is the main antagonist is a really unique concept."
Unfortunately, I don't particularly care for either version of this tale because neither one has managed to even capture the feeling of dread that is so pervasive in the book, but there is no denying that the original film certainly leaves you with an impression.
The Blair Witch Project (1999)
The Blair Witch Project.
I know the whole "found footage" genre has been done to death now, but this was one of the first movies to adopt this method and it worked beautifully. You have to remember that this movie came out before the internet/social media....so when the marketing material claimed it was real, there really wasn't much of a way to disprove it.
I still remember leaving the cinema as a 15-year-old shaking with fear. A superbly made, suspenseful horror movie which still holds up to this day."
It seems cool to hate this movie now, but you know what? I love it to pieces. It's incredible, and one of the only movies to give me chills even while watching it in broad daylight.
The Shining (1980)
"Since it's a Kubrick movie it deserves to be watched on a larger screen with decent speakers. Lights off. It's probably better watched in the dead of winter as well. It's the kind of movie that's a whole mood.
The book is also one of King's best and it's so different from the movie that both are great in their own right."
A classic that I never get tired of. I've seen it many, many times and it's brilliant.
"Saw. I think what made Saw so great was that it was just an ordinary guy doing these things. No monsters, no supernatural stuff. That's what made it so scary."
The first Saw blew my mind when I was younger. Unfortunately, the sequels, save for perhaps the first one, were pretty lackluster. It's amazing this series has gone on so long.
"I think the original Halloween is probably about as perfect as a horror could ever be. It's perfect in every way."
It's a pretty excellent film and it holds up for a reason. Rewatchable as hell!
The Thing (1982)
"John Carpenter's The Thing is my favorite. It has fantastic effects, the story keeps you on the edge of your seat, and the characters are great and believable."
Perhaps the finest horror remake out there? It's possible, friends.
"Ghostwatch is a slow burn but amazing. The entire movie is done as a British television programme about a haunted house."
One of my favorites. It is remarkably unnerving, particularly the very last scene.
Lake Mungo (2008)
"Lake Mungo got into my head and won't move out. It's the kind of film that requires a second viewing."
I wanted to love this one, but did not. It was fine. There is another film, Megan Is Missing, which provides a much worse shock in the final third of the film.
"Angst - I don't know if I can call this is a "horror movie" in the traditional sense. It's absolutely horrific, sure. But it's a pure art film. A f**** up one. The plot isn't complicated, and it's not long. I won't "ruin it" but suffice to say it's probably the most accurate depiction of a sexual sadist you're ever going to watch."
This one is truly a sight for the ages. Not for the faint of heart, at all. I don't say that mildly.
"I was around 8 when I tried seeing the first Aliens movie. That first chest burster scared the s**t out of me."
And Aliens takes the series in an even crazier direction than the first one! Still, nothing can compare to that original.
Well, what are you waiting for? You might want to queue these up, whether you've seen them already or not. A good horror movie is always worth revisiting, even long after it stops scaring you!
Have some recommendations of your own? Tell us more in the comments below!
It's never fun to be lied to, particularly by your significant other.
Sometimes we discover that they were lying to us in order to surprise us for our birthday or anniversary, making the dishonesty easily forgiven.
In other instances, however, their lies were all to cover up something much less celebratory.
For better or worse, some people's partners are very convincing liars.
Others however are simply unable to keep a secret, and their stories or explanations to cover things up only make things worse.
Redditor CanadianKiss was eager to hear the most absurd and ridiculous lies people ever heard from their significant others, leading them to ask:
"What was the most insane lie an S/O told you?"
Keep Your Panties On!
"After I found out my wife was having an affair, I snooped through her email, saw she bought 5 pairs of lingerie over the past several months that I had never seen."
"When confronted about it she said she liked the progress she has been making in the gym and just wanted to see how she looked in them and threw them away after she tried them on."- DrMilzie
"Told me she was a veterinarian and even had a degree hanging on her wall."
"My parents own a small farm so I asked her for advice and the answers were always questionable."
"My gut was telling me something is off."
"Googled her school and asked some basic questions that anyone who went should know."
"It was all a lie."- Auditory_Whiplash
The Worst Kind Of Lie
"That the baby was mine."- shilling70baby daddy GIF by Face The TruthGiphy
It's All About The Anticipation...
"That there was spaghetti waiting for me when I get back."
"There was no spaghetti waiting for me."- IWannaBeMade1
"That he didn’t like honey when he did."
"It’s insane to me because what’s the point?"
Some People Don't Even Try...
“'I got gonorrhea from cutting myself on a broken bong'."
"Survey says, that’s a lie!"- CautiousOwl02True Love Weed GIF by GIPHY Studios OriginalsGiphy
"That I was the one who was destroying our marriage for being suspicious all the while she was the one cheating."-shenanigansgalores
Faking Cancer? Seriously?
"I broke up with this dude after only a couple of dates."
"A week later he hits me up asking to take me to lunch bc he just found out he had cancer."
"He tricked me into a year-long relationship based on a cancer lie."
"I believe karma is a b*tch though."- crunchyleafs_
"She called me three months after we broke up to tell me I was right."
"'All that tanning has given me skin cancer'."
"I asked which kind."
"She couldn't remember what the doctor called it."
"I asked, 'Is it lymphoma?'"
"She said, 'Yeah, that's the one.'"
"I hung up."- Spodson
"That she was an orphan."
"Her family was very surprised."- Garlic_Bread_865589orphan GIFGiphy
The key to a healthy relationship is honesty, barring of course covering up a surprise which will make your partner happy.
And when the only way to stay in a relationship is through lies and deceit, it's probably time to start re-evaluating how well things are going.
Ironically, that's when it becomes time to really be "honest" with yourself.
Getting struck by lighting, winning the lottery, meeting someone else with your exact name who also shares your birthday.
For better or worse, the likelihood of any of these things happening to you is incredibly small.
And yet, there are still a handful of lucky, or unlucky, people who have experienced one, or all, of the above.
Even if the odds are against us by a significant margin, some people will go through an experience which they would never in a million years dream would happen to them.
Leaving them with quite some stories to tell.
Redditor scared4lyf was curious to hear more about the statistically unlikely experiences people have gone through, leading them to ask:
"What statistically rare thing happened to you?"
"My birth is in a medical journal and my mom still gives me crap about it almost 40yrs later."
Due to my mom's low rib cage and high uterus, I was stuck in the bottom of her rib cage."
"The doctors were convinced I didn't have a head and told my mom her whole pregnancy that I only had a brain stem and she should abort."
"Lo and behold she goes into labor and they rush her in to do a C-section, only to discover I'm stuck."
"They end up laying her all the way open and cutting 3 ribs to get me out."
"She ended up stapled back together."
"(Yay for 1980s science."
" She gave her doctors so much hell about her being right."- Silaquix
Blessed With Strong Bones!
"I've been hit by a semi truck twice, and both times escaped with minor injuries."- mydogsaysimcoolso fetch mean girls GIF by Coolidge Corner TheatreGiphy
Frequently Chased By Death
"I was pronounced dead at 6 weeks old."
"I found a dead body when I was 10."- Smoochmypie
"Pick Yourself Up, Dust Yourself Off, And Start All Over Again!"
"I’ve broken my ankles on 5 separate occasions."
"I also have flat feet. "
"Ironically I love running!"- ItsMyCakedayIRL
"Accidentally discovered during another surgery."
"No idea there was a tumor the size of an egg on my appendix."- Low_Bus_5395
A Mighty Wind...
"Got hit by a tornado."
"They don’t tell you about how it sucks the air out of the room while you’re inside it."- FriendlyFiberAngry British Summer GIF by moonbugGiphy
Talk About Victim Of Circumstance
"I was born in jail"- cavallinm
You Can Have Too Much Wisdom...
"I had 5 wisdom teeth."
"4 normal ones and 1 tiny one."- more_merkins
"My dad my uncle and me were all born on 8/11 different years."- KimchiandfriesHappy Birthday GIF by Eat'n ParkGiphy
Some people have all the luck, and some apparently have none at all!
All the more reason we should never assume that any unlikely experience will never happen to us...