People Explain Which Parenting Tactics Should Not Be Considered Normal
Parenting is of course not easy. Children are a whole handful of messes. That is why I am glad to not have any plans to father any.
There are so many ways to discipline and raise a kid. And at every turn you can be doing it wrong. Now no parent is perfect but we should reflect on a few ways and ideas that maybe are... unsuitable.
Or at the very least ineffective. Sometimes less is more and respect goes a long way.
Redditoru/TheYeet56wanted parents to discuss some discipline ideas that may not be the best ideas by asking:
[Serious] People of reddit, what is a normal parenting tactic that shouldn't be considered normal?
One of my mother's failures is that life is never enough. I would bring home a test with a 96 grade.. which is a clear and solid "A"... and she always asked... where are the other 4 points? Do you know how belittling that is? As if I've accomplished nothing?
I'm UniqueHappy Hour Drinking GIF by BBCGiphy
"Comparing them to their siblings, the good old, "why can't you be more like (brother/sister)?" That does nothing for their self esteem and really can keep them from becoming their own person. That's all they should be anyway, themselves, not their siblings."
"Refusing to admit when they're wrong/apologize. Victimizing themself instead of acknowledging that they messed up. Having kids before they've fully grown up/having kids before they've gone to therapy to address their own childhood trauma, as this just causes undue trauma on their kids."
I'm your kid!
"As an only child, being compared to my neighbor's kids, or to their co-worker's kids, or to their friends' kids. It sucks being compared to somebody else especially by your own parents. I'm a parent myself and my mom still does that to me and now to my 15 month old. Doesn't matter though, its something that I don't want my child to hear from me."
"Telling your kids your personal problems. Like 'your dad is horrible, he didn't even do the dishes, I hate my marriage.' Your kids are not your therapist. Also they can't do anything to solve your problem. Instead address your issues with your spouse and a therapist."
Sorry?i'm sorry homer simpson GIFGiphy
"Refusing to apologize when you're wrong."
"I sacrificed so much for you, I provided for your needs/I'm your parent, why should I apologize?"
Oof. Those are all good. Why is an apology so difficult? Kids are made to give them all of the time. And therapy is always a must. Don't ever run from it.
Shhhh....Schitts Creek Please GIF by CBCGiphy
"Invalidating their emotions, be it ignoring or shutting them down."
The Media Way
"Less of a parenting tactic and more of a tactic parents use: contriving a video (featuring their kid) to post to social media. It's super common, I don't understand how so many people are fooled into thinking they're genuine."
"I'm a parent, and I have never done this, because I think it's terrible to try and embarrass your child that badly in public like that. And my kid has had a couple of procedures after which he was kind of loopy- other parent friends asked me if I'd videoed him, I said no, and they were disappointed in me. Excuse me for my first priority being taking care of my kid, rather than videoing him."
"Saying that a kid has a boyfriend/girlfriend any time they are close friends with a child who isn't the same gender. On top of reinforcing the idea that boys and girls can't ever be strictly platonic friends, it's so creepy to project adult ideas of romantic relationships onto kids who are practically still toddlers."
"You can tell me and I won't be mad" followed by punishing them for whatever they admit. then they wonder why their kids never talk to them."
"Taking away their privacy. unless your kid has a serious drug or self-harm problem, violating their privacy will almost certainly do more harm than good to their mental health, trust, and their relationship to you. it doesn't matter if it's installing spyware on their phones, tracking their movements, or taking away their bedroom door."
LiesJust Kidding Wink GIF by Robert E BlackmonGiphy
"Gaslighting their children into believing things that are simply not true in order to defend themselves."
I am now even more solidified in my non-parenting reserve. But the rest of you can learn to do better. In the end, all you have to be is a good person. Lead with that.
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It's so easy for us to get caught up in the negative things in our day-to-day lives, whether it's a bad day at work or an ended relationship, but it's important to remember what else we have going for it.
Sometimes the best thing to do is to listen to the people we look up to, and let their words help us move through the tough time.
Redditor Miller1xo asked:
"What's the best advice you've ever received?"
It's Not That Important
"No one cares."
"That's actually the advice."
"The vast majority of people are more concerned about going about their own days and doing their own things."
"I kept being too socially conscious of myself around others, believing that every move I was making was being monitored and judged all the time."
"But the reality was that, just like me, everyone around me was just focused on themselves and what they were doing and not at all on others."
"And if anyone did anything out of the ordinary or 'embarrassing,' we all forgot about it the next day."
"So once I realized this, my social anxiety essentially disappeared after a month and I was far more comfortable in my own skin."
The Bad Comes with the Good
"Life sucks, get a helmet."
"And life is like a s**t sandwich, every now and again you gotta take a bite. But the more bread you have, the less s**t you taste."
The Great Aunt Has Spoken
"Three rules from a great aunt:"
"Go to the restroom while you have a chance."
"If there's a seat available, sit down."
"If someone offers you a breath mint, take it."
"If you ask, they might say yes. They might also say no, but if you don't ask, it's always a no. So ask."
Nothing Can Change if Nothing Ever Changes
"Not making a decision IS making a decision."
"As someone who struggles with indecisiveness, this has been an important one. It's easy to get wrapped up in analyzing options, especially what could go wrong. Sometimes the decision paralysis is worse than the consequences of a suboptimal choice."
Take Care of Your Body
"Look after your back. You will be sorry in later years if you don't, and it's much easier to look after it now than try to fix it later."
Progress, Not Perfection
"Doing something imperfectly is better than not doing it at all."
Perfection is an Obstacle
"There's a common phrase, 'Don't let perfect be the enemy of good.'"
"I like to adapt it: 'Don't let perfect be the enemy of done.'"
Let It Go
"The best advice I ever saw was from Bo Burnham on a talk show. Conan O'Brien asked the standard question: 'What advice would you have for other young people who want to pursue their dreams like you?'"
"He responded: 'Well, my advice for you would be to take a deep breath...and give up. I got to where I am today purely because of luck. All these celebs today like Taylor Swift telling you to 'be yourself and follow your dreams,' it's like saying 'liquidize your assets, buy Powerball tickets! get rich! it works!' It doesn't work.'"
"'...Ten years ago I was just a dumb, skinny white kid who didn't know what he was doing. Now the only thing that's changed is I'm famous.'"
"Just do whatever you want, and if you get lucky and hit it rich then that's great. But it probably won't happen."
Put Yourself Out There
"Hard work alone won't do sh*t for you. Chance encounters, a seemingly small conversation, and Cosmic timing have a much bigger impact on your success than hard work alone."
"In my case, there was a random LinkedIn message from a recruiter and a gut feeling I should respond to it. That led me to have a successful job that values work-life balance and pays way more than my previous company."
"Networking is an example of this. If you happened to know a guy who knows a guy, you can land pretty sweet jobs over someone who quietly works overtime all day every day."
"The family you are born into can also play into it. Apologies to Taylor swift fans, but there isn't anything special about her. If she was an average person, she would not have had the same level of success. Her family's connection to the record industry played a huge part in her initial success."
Dump Her Back
"My first love left me for another guy. I was visibly depressed, and my Granddad asked, 'What's wrong with you?' I told him. He responded, 'Dump her back.'"
"I was bewildered. What the f**k does that mean?"
"Then, a few months later, my ex-girlfriend got dumped by the new guy and pleaded with me to take her back. It got to the point of her stalking me."
"I stood firm and dumped her back."
Perspective is Everything
"While driving one day, I was p**sed that someone cut me off when I had the right of way."
"My Great Grandfather told me, 'There's a lot of dead people who had the right of way, too.'"
"I never forgot that advice. It may not be the best advice ever but it always stuck with me."
"A hundred dollars isn’t a lot to have, but it’s a lot to need."
"If you have little kids, triple sheet their beds, alternating with full-size waterproof pads. So: pad, sheet, pad, sheet, pad, sheet."
"In the middle of the night when you have work in the morning and they wet the bed or throw up or get a nosebleed, pull up one layer, toss it into the laundry, and put the kid right back to sleep."
"Also, if anyone in your house isn't feeling well, give your kid a bucket or something next to their bed in case they wake up feeling sick. No one likes to clean up a trail of vomit from the kid's room to the parent's room or bathroom in the middle of the night."
Surround Yourself with People Who Support You
"When no one's got your back... move your f**king back."
Each of these concepts are great ways to get more out of life, but the big ticket item here is perspective.
So often, we exaggerate things, whether how embarrassing a mistake was or how hard it will be to complete that task or how bad we think we have it, but if we compare that to someone else's circumstances, or how small this moment is in the grand scheme of things, it suddenly becomes easier to be more grateful and take more from life.
People Who Make Good Money And Don't Hate Their Jobs Explain What They Do For A Living
Few people earn a living doing what they love.
That's why those in the workforce call showing up for work "the grind"–which implies labor-intensive tasks for long periods of time.
However, there are situations in which employees love their jobs and don't even call their labor of love "work."
They just happen to earn money doing what they love. Who are these people? Where are these jobs?
Strangers online discovered what it's like for those who have it good when Redditor puffmonkey92 asked:
"People that don’t f'king hate their jobs and make a decent wage, what do you do?"
Those who work out in the field love the work they do.
"I work in a logyard in S Oregon. Log trucks come in and are unloaded. The load is rolled out on the ground, and I scale the logs. I measure the lengths and diameters, calculate the gross volume in board feet, and make deductions based on defects such as frost seams, insect damage, burn scars, lightning strikes, etc. I work outside, so it can be rough in the winter/summer, but it keeps me moving, and it's an interesting gig. Been doing it about 6 years now. AMA"
Working With Mother Nature
"National Park Ranger. Thirty-two years and counting. As with any profession, there are still bad days."
Working in near isolation is ideal for these Redditors.
Behind The Scenes
"I work in the pathology lab at a hospital. I process blood and biopsy samples onto microscope slides for the pathologists to read. I love it! I feel like I’m helping people, even though I never meet them and they have no idea who I am."
The Happy Statistician
"I’m a statistician and work with a government agency. I particularly really enjoy not having to interact with too many people."
Reliable Computer Expert
"I am the only IT guy for a family owned business. They know nothing about computers so as long as everything is running smoothly they leave me alone. I only put in about 45 minutes of actual work every week."
Movie-Watching All Day
"I’m a colorist. It’s like photoshop for movies. I love it. But I feel very lucky to have this job, and to be successful in the industry."
"I work as a housekeeper at a motel. I love my job. It allows me to work alone, I can listen to my music, and I enjoy making order out of chaos. Also, the money's pretty damn good. Because of the way our pay is structured, I make more than double the standard amount in this industry."
Some people prefer working in customer service, depending on the job.
Joy Of Seeing Satisfied Customers
"Electrician. It’s hard work most days, but satisfying seeing it all lit-up and functioning properly."
"Knowing my work will still be in service many years from now feels good, and seeing customers marvel at their new light fixtures looking great is a good feeling."
"I work at a pet store (only supplies, no animal sales) and make $18 CAD/hr. That might not sound 'decent' but it's better than minimum wage with no meaningful increase in responsibility (aka stress) compared to any other retail worker. In fact, my work environment is lower stress than any other retail/food job I've had and the owner has a keen interest in our well-being. Yearly raises, Christmas bonus, profit sharing, get paid our full scheduled shift if it's shortened or cancelled for weather, aiming to become a living wage employer with promises to increase wages beyond that so long as the business continues to grow."
"Plus no one asks 'why' if I turn down a shift or decline to stay later. Respect for personal time is huge. I'm treated like a human being, not a robot with no life outside work."
Keywords: Security & Freedom
"I’m an accountant for a bank."
"Good salary, great benefits, tons of PTO and all holidays off."
"It’s not particularly exciting, rewarding, or fulfilling but it gives me the security and freedom to make my life as exciting, rewarding and fulfilling as possible."
"I am a kennel attendant. I care for and feed both dogs and cats. One of my daily requirements if I have time to do it, is literally to play with a dog/cat or puppy/kitten. It’s called animal enrichment. It’s meant to help prepare them for a life outside the shelter. Doesn’t even feel like a job."
Based on the responses above, it's not unusual for people to find jobs that are fulfilling and make decent wages.
Unfortunately, many workers end up feeling stuck at their jobs because they are settling, but for good reason: the reasonable salary.
But if they're unhappy in spite of a good living wage, is that really the kind of life that's worth living?
There are always better alternatives. If you want to be unstuck, taking a leap of faith is very rewarding.
Nothing ventured, nothing gained right? Go out there and find your dream job!
People Break Down The Most Disturbing Wikipedia Pages They've Ever Come Across
Every now and then, who hasn't found themselves falling down a Wikipedia rabbit hole?
Even if the sources of information found on the page are dubious.
This doesn't stop people from using it as a quick source of information when necessary.
And with links to other pages readily available, people often find themselves learning information which was a far cry from their initial search.
Gaining information that these same people would no doubt be much better off having never learned.
"What is the most disturbing Wikipedia Page?"
"Albert Fish is so disturbing, I remember the first time I read about him I was literally nauseous."- Lazy-Day5802
"I find this as much depressing as disturbing."- YouKeepThisLove
List Of Youngest Birth Mothers
"I think the most heartbreaking thing is that that damn list is so long..."- AliyanaRose
Lawrence Bittaker and Roy Norris
"These guys are some of the worst of the worst."
"During the filming of Silence of the Lambs and working with former FBI agent John Douglas (author of Mindhunter) for some time, actor Scott Glenn thanked him and said how fascinating it was to have been allowed into his world."
"Douglas laughed and told Glenn that if he really wanted to get into his world, he should listen to an audio tape of serial killers Lawrence Bittaker and Roy Norris torturing, and murdering two teenage girls."
"Glenn listened to less than one minute of the tape, and has since said that he feels he lost a sense of innocence in doing so, and that he has never been able to forget what he heard."- sully-fied
The Murders of Channon Christian and Chris Newsom
"The Murders of Channon Christian and Chris Newsom page is pretty bad."- Apartment_Unusual
Less The End Result, More The Process
"It’s not the page that is disturbing, it’s thinking back to where you started and hour ago and wondering what the f*ck happened!"- noigenoigenoige
The Anthill Kids Cult
"The anthill kids cult https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Roch_Th%C3%A9riault"- periczache
"What the actual f*ck."
"I should not have read that."- Nico_MyTrueSelf
"The fact that he was underweight after doing all this."
"What the hell did his poop look like since he wasn't digesting properly?"
"Or maybe his stomach acid was TOO strong and there wasn't much nutrition left for his intestines?"- bigmacjames
"I don’t think I was the same person after reading that page and seeing the pictures on it years ago."- 88Smilesz·
Murder of Sylvia Likens
"That's one of the most horrifying things I've ever read."- Trini1113
"There are many things I can read without feeling uncomfortable in this thread."
"But this... is on another level."- Pure-Destruction
"It is very strange and uncomfortable to read the Human page on Wikipedia."- LedZacclin
"The Wikipedia entry on humans makes me uncomfortable."
"Feels like it was written by an AI or by aliens."- Darmok47
Murder of James Bulger
"Haven't seen this posted yet."
"Still baffles me how little kids can kill."
"Changed the justice system in the UK for what it is today."- HighestBounty
Murder of Santos Rodriguez
"Holy sh*t."- UnitedStatesUS·
Wikipedia can be an endless source of information.
At least 80% of which you would probably be much better off not knowing.
The most surefire way of hurting someone is not by physically attacking them but rather by using words.
Indeed, saying something to someone you know will deliberately hurt them will leave a far more lasting impact than any scar or wound.
Petty name-calling or completely false accusations are fairly easily brushed off.
Then there are the things people say to others which can simply never be forgotten, and no amount of forgiveness will ever make them forget.
Words that are so harmful, or information so traumatizing, that the only way to describe it is "f*cked up".
"What was the most f*cked up thing someone said to you?"
Love Is Stronger Than Blood
"I've shared this one before."
"I was adopted when I was three."
"My mother has always been very supportive and a wonderful person, but my dad had a drinking problem and overall was a bit of a sh*tty person."
"When my mom got pregnant, I was 7, and I remember my dad telling me he was so excited to 'finally have his own and first son'."
"There was always favoritism, and in the current day, he and I don't even talk."
"I love my brother to death and hold no ill will, but our father should have been better."- CT3993
Someone Will Always Remember
"My mom told me that she wishes I was never born."
"I wasn't planned but they always told me I was a 'surprise'."
"One day when my mom drank a little more than usual, I told her I love her and she looked me in the eye and said 'I don't love you, f*ck I wish you were never born'."
"I haven't stopped thinking about that, it was just us two in the room when it happened and she doesn't remember it."
"It scared me and I don't think I will forget it."- Commercial_Sea_8817
People Grieve In Their Own Time
"My husband died suddenly when I was 35."
"There's a picture of me at the visitation standing in front of his urn with my brother's arm around my shoulders while I cried."
"My friend said 'I love that picture of your brother supporting you'."
"I said 'Yeah'."
"That's when he told me to suck it up and stop crying."- DevonHexe
All Children Want Is Their Parent's Support
"'I don't love you, or care about you. I only love your sister'."
"Honorable mentions: "
"'I hope you never make it into college'."
"'I hope you have to work a grueling schedule for the rest of your life'."
"Thanks dad."- lcssa
Apparently, So Could Her Husband...
"I had a very complicated pregnancy."
"I found out at 4 months (crazy, I know)."
"I was extremely high risk, and my FIL was asking my husband what he'd do if it he had to choose me or the baby."
"Before hubby could answer, my MIL pipes up with 'Well, if it's her or the baby save the baby you can find a better mother'."
"I WAS STANDING RIGHT THERE."
"Husband lost it."- NickiP5150
Never Pick Yourself Up By Taking Others Down
"To me and my wife."
"We went over for Christmas 10 years ago, my dad was so drunk that they couldn’t stand up."
"He asked if he could hold our six month old child to which we said no."
"My mom who was not as drunk walked over about two minutes later and asked to hold the baby."
"We said okay to that and she immediately turned around and handed our baby to my overly drunk dad."
"A week later we get together with just us and them and tell them if they drink like that around our kids again, we won’t be coming to family events."
"My mom looked straight at my wife and said 'all the problems in this family are because of you'.”
"My wife being taken by surprise by that stuttered her next words and before she could get it out, my mom did that 'to-to-today' mock."
"Needless to say we got up and walked out of their house."- Myworkaccountbrah
So Good To Know They Had Their Support
"I was basically bedridden after an accident left me in constant, debilitating pain."
"My ex screamed in my face to 'just die already'."
"But apparently I'm remembering it wrong and it wasn't that big of a deal."- moxley-me
No Need To Hold Her Feelings Back
"My mom married my stepdad when I was four and we moved out to my step-grandmother's ranch to work it."
"When I was seven, I was told to help my nine year old cousin learn about what to do."
"He whined and b*tched about everything he has to do the entire time."
"I told my stepdad's mother about him 'not being too excited' about it."
"Well, he's the oldest, so this ranch will be his someday," She'd said.
"I'm seven. I don't know how sh*t works, so I ask, 'So I'll be working for Brad here someday?'"
"'No. You're going to be a priest. There's no other use for bastard children,' Was her answer."- wjescott
Children Can Be Cruelest Of All
"In middle school, I was told by a girl named Aubrey that I was a 2/10 and she audibly gagged at me."
"Well guess who’s a 2/10 now, 15 years later?"
"Still me, but f*ck you Aubrey."- itsTonic_
Not Everyone is Meant To Be A Parent
"'My life would have been so much better if you had just died too'."
"My twin died at birth."
"It may be true, but no kid needs to hear that."- bonjelascott
"My dad's speech at my mom's funeral:"
” <mom> and <son> had a close relationship, I’d have preferred to have a daughter'.“
"Not sure how that's relevant for the occasion but ok."
"Either that or the: 'Your mom wanted you, not me'.“
"Many years before that."- Remk0h
Placing Blame Will Never Change Anything
‘"It’s your fault your dad died’ - my mother."
"He had a heart attack on my 14th birthday, I was at school when he had the first one, asleep at night when he had the second that killed him."
"I didn’t get to see him as he told me over the phone to enjoy my birthday."
"That was our last contact."
"I cancelled my plans anyway and stayed at home waiting for my mom and sister to come back from the hospital."
"I still carry that guilt."
"Later, my ex’s mom. ‘It’s no wonder he died having to deal with you as a daughter’ sigh."- FrozenBluebell
Some Things Are Out Of Everyone's Control
"'It shouldn't have been your dad'."
"'It should've been you'."
"'It should've been you'."
"Said repeatedly by my mother, both drunk and sober, after my father's death."
"I think I looked too much like him for her."- berripluscream
Just Plain Cruel
"My ex-husband while we were still married:"
"'I don't find you sexually attractive anymore'."
"I was eight months pregnant with our second child."
"We were in the middle of making love."
'My ex-husband again: Fast forward a year."
"I am still nursing my baby girl when he tells me,
"'Lose weight or I want a divorce'."
"I am 5'5" and weighed 135 lbs when he said that to me, which is exactly ten pounds more than I weighed on our wedding day."- mom_with_an_attitude
They say actions speak louder than words.
But some words leave a much more lasting scar.
Do you have any to add? Let us know in the comments.