Many people's stomaches turn at the sight of even one wayward bug whose found its way into a home. One can only imagine what these insectophobes would do if they found out their significant other had accidentally released 250 crickets into their house by accident.
That's exactly the situation Christopher Ingraham and his wife found themselves in this past December 28, 2018. Fortunately, readers got to experience his entire tale on Twitter without having to encounter any of the actual crickets!
So, a shipment of crickets for the lizard arrived via FedEx today. It was my first time ordering bulk crickets off… https://t.co/E9bwzRQa6n— Christopher Ingraham (@Christopher Ingraham)1546048148.0
They were in a cardboard box. And I cut the tape and opened the box and SURPRISE! Crickets everywhere. It was the m… https://t.co/T3Z94bqRoY— Christopher Ingraham (@Christopher Ingraham)1546048286.0
The story started innocuously, but quickly took a turn for the worse...
And then I put the box in the upstairs bathroom, the only semi-contained place in the house where I knew the kids a… https://t.co/cNJTihwg4u— Christopher Ingraham (@Christopher Ingraham)1546048393.0
About 20 minutes later I'm back at work on my computer, and I hear my wife in the kitchen: "where are these goddamn… https://t.co/kLPBQXiye9— Christopher Ingraham (@Christopher Ingraham)1546048540.0
And at first I was like "okay, maybe one or two got out when I initially opened the box. No biggie." I kept working.— Christopher Ingraham (@Christopher Ingraham)1546048611.0
With the benefit of hindsight, this was a mistake.— Christopher Ingraham (@Christopher Ingraham)1546048659.0
I'm trying to wrap up a story but I keep hearing cricket-related exclamations coming from the kitchen. Eventually I… https://t.co/tW8tsK3VkN— Christopher Ingraham (@Christopher Ingraham)1546048788.0
Christopher had made a mistake. A terrible, terrible mistake.
I say "That's a good question. Let me check something." I walk over to the bathroom. I open the door. There are crickets. Everywhere.— Christopher Ingraham (@Christopher Ingraham)1546048907.0
Crickets on the floor. Crickets on the walls. Crickets in the sink. Crickets in the toilet.— Christopher Ingraham (@Christopher Ingraham)1546049023.0
For some reason my first instinct is to flush the toilet, as if that will do anything to solve the problem of crick… https://t.co/HoxMlevIAl— Christopher Ingraham (@Christopher Ingraham)1546049134.0
Christopher tries to fix his problem, but it's almost too much for him to handle.
Apparently I had not sealed the box shut as well as I should have. I ended up rushing out to the shed, in the 18" o… https://t.co/mqxIDj7S9K— Christopher Ingraham (@Christopher Ingraham)1546049250.0
Of course by this point many had migrated elsewhere. They were in the closet. In the shoes. Making their way downst… https://t.co/NqD2n9ODev— Christopher Ingraham (@Christopher Ingraham)1546049316.0
Unfortunately, the crickets will be with the Ingrahams for quite a while.
I tried to collect all of them. It was like the world's shittiest game of Pokemon. But here we are, roughly 10 hour… https://t.co/s3FZhwCXJA— Christopher Ingraham (@Christopher Ingraham)1546049469.0
I make this information public because if I do not send any tweets tomorrow, it is because my wife murdered me afte… https://t.co/ahp9uYuPAN— Christopher Ingraham (@Christopher Ingraham)1546049562.0
Many others on Twitter shared similar stories of insect shipping (which is apparently a thing).
@_cingraham I worked at UPS for a while and had a box of crickets bust open in my trailer once. Not nearly as cool… https://t.co/5rMFG6644s— My Name is Philip (@My Name is Philip)1546180943.0
@_cingraham I will not spoil your fun with the story of ordering live cockroaches for an experiment in a college bi… https://t.co/TExGNgFSYJ— Sandy Keith Buckles (@Sandy Keith Buckles)1546125243.0
@_cingraham follow up. Let’s just say my graduate student screamed & tried to climb a wall when one ran up her ar… https://t.co/YeOZJCXmvd— Sandy Keith Buckles (@Sandy Keith Buckles)1546217362.0
@_cingraham Now you know what cricket season is like in Palm Springs...we don’t have to order in!!! And p.s. the na… https://t.co/FEf9ks0XLf— Dufus Rigamaroll (@Dufus Rigamaroll)1546127737.0
Maybe don't buy crickets online?
@_cingraham So same thing happened to me, except I opened the box to 2000 dead crickets and was totally bummed, onl… https://t.co/zvey84hTmf— DontKnowMeSucka Ω (@DontKnowMeSucka Ω)1546129049.0
@_cingraham @WHS_Carpet Eeeeeek! We bought crickets once when the shop sold out of locusts. Just one escaped. We co… https://t.co/I7s7SMZIty— Clare 🦊🦎🐳 (@Clare 🦊🦎🐳)1546123787.0
At least Christopher inspired this youngster to have some cricket-themed fun!
@_cingraham After @jrmstrong read us this story, the 7 yr old left these around while practicing her cricket call. https://t.co/n2G6fKi9U1— mark d. jarvis (@mark d. jarvis)1546128232.0
The next day, after his thread went viral, Christopher updated his readers to let them know how things were going:
Good afternoon everyone.— Christopher Ingraham (@Christopher Ingraham)1546116137.0
I'm pleased to report that I'm still alive, and that my marriage is still intact! You all had so much fun with this… https://t.co/aoPEhylMzU— Christopher Ingraham (@Christopher Ingraham)1546116365.0
Of course, the internet demanded pics.
To all you monsters who demanded photos of the infestation: believe it or not, while a horde of crickets was maraud… https://t.co/XGjd2BZjt9— Christopher Ingraham (@Christopher Ingraham)1546117078.0
I mean, can you imagine? Wife: THERE'S A CRICKET IN MY PUMPKIN PIE Me: This is tremendous content, where's my phone— Christopher Ingraham (@Christopher Ingraham)1546117136.0
But I'm glad you all enjoyed our suffering, we've been laughing our asses off at your responses all day which almos… https://t.co/3K6X23pkZU— Christopher Ingraham (@Christopher Ingraham)1546117258.0
Christopher's story was beloved by many online and it seems he's gained some new followers because of it! Of course, he probably hopes he'll never have a story this good again.
@_cingraham Best. Tweet. Ever. Thanks for the laughs!— Linda Larrivee (@Linda Larrivee)1546126108.0
@_cingraham @paulbrislen Ha ha haha... made me old mum chuckle as I read it out to her....— BzCris (@BzCris)1546119489.0
@_cingraham I believe you can add "cricket master" to your twitter byline, i only followed you because it was funny… https://t.co/V6UuCBXZX0— Paul Rose (@Paul Rose)1546122065.0