And you thought your mom was a handful!! Redditor ThrowAWAY_Please12 needed some serious life advice by letting us know... My mother [50sF] sold my car then disowned me [20sF] Yes you read that correctly. I'll start right from the beginning. So what had happen for this poor girl was...
My father died when I was around 16. He had an abusive relationship with my mother, but he was still my dad. When he passed, we got a pay out. With this money, my mum bought me my first car - My last present from my dad. With an agreement (loosely) to pay back what I could.
Recently, I sold the car as I wanted something bigger and got another car. I sold the car for £3K, paying my mother half of that, (paid her regularly before this) and spent the rest on the car. I really don't think I owed her too much as this stage, especially with paying her 1.5K on top of what I already had. I loved the car, it had personality and was just me all over, I was very pleased. I thought dad would definitely approve of it and it made me happy. It was an old rare car and I knew there weren't a huge amount of them left which was nice too.
In a weird set of circumstances, I ended up facing prison time and huge fines for something that my mother was solely responsible for. I took the blame and got slapped with a £1000+ fine. I was out of a job at the time and looked for my mum for guidance (seeing as though I took the blame) but unfortunately received none. In the end, I had to go to court again if I didn't pay - I had no way of paying at the time so I ended up going again to potentially once again face prison time. My mother didn't step in to own up, and I felt it wasn't right to "dob her in" as it were. I managed to get extra time to pay it, which I am still to this day. A friend paid a couple months, if he hadn't - I would most probably be in prison. My mother knew this but still refused to pay.
Shortly after this, mum said she was moving abroad. It was completely random but she informed me that I must start saving for a house as she would be gone in a few months and the house was put on the market - When it sold I was to be kicked out. I shoved away as much as I could muster each month, informing mum I would pay 50% of all utilities, buy my own food and a little bit of rent. She seemed content.
Recently (a couple months after the house fiasco), after coming home, I noticed my car was missing. I was panicking pretty bad, worried it had been stolen. I called my mum and she told me she had sold it. Sold it, I asked? I was really confused, thinking it may have been some weird joke but she was very blunt and matter of fact and told me "Yeah, I paid for it." Which wasn't entirely true - Dad had paid for it, as a last gift. We agreed paying her back was going to be slow as she wanted me to save to move out, we had agreed this... Also on top of this, I was in the process of paying her back. I paid for it through my account, had insured it with my money - By law the car was mine. I was really upset, asking her why she would do that and if she needed the money faster she should have said - I would have gladly paid! I just wasn't aware... I was mad at this time. I was shouting - As was she and we left on a bad note.
I know to most this is only a car, but to me it was the last bit of my dad I had.
I had to go to work the next day, so I left it there and stayed at a friends house. The next morning I came home to find the doors were all locked with keys in them to prevent me getting in. I managed to get in through the back of the house, where my mum asked what the hell I was doing there. Turns out she had kicked me out and disowned me. At this point, I was pretty much homeless - I'm quite young with not enough savings to financially support myself. She seemed uncaring and made me pack my bags. At this point I'm very upset, crying and confused - My mum just watched me pack. Later on, whilst still packing a relation [Mid20sF] came around, screaming at me for treating my mother so poorly. It got so bad she was throwing my belongings out the window! She stopped me from calling anyone to come pick me up by snatching my phone out my hand and scratching me quite badly across my hands.
I'm at a friends now, I've tried calling home 4 times, messaging countless times with absolutely no response. Through a turn of events, I found out my mum had sold/gave my car to my abusive ex boyfriend. He was awful, and even she hated him at the time for the things he put me through. It took a lot to leave that relationship. I am feeling betrayed, upset, lost and extremely angry.
I've called the police and know where I stand on the law - I can report my car as stolen and get it back, but do I? Is there any coming back from this, and even if there were I'm not sure I can forgive them for all they have put me through... It's been a few days and I don't feel like I'm capable of forgiving them a second time, I want my car that my dad got me. It makes me sick thinking that my abusive ex has it. I really do feel like my mother has done this just to hurt me - The way she worded that she "sold" it makes me think it could have been given away to him.
Would love some advice.
Where do we begin?!
Are you alone?
There seems to be a lack of information around some parts of your story. What was this situation that was your mums fault and how did you end up taking the wrap for it if you were not responsible at all?
What's the reasoning behind your cousin attacking you? Is there any merit to what she said? You kind of glossed over that whole situation. You describe your mother as someone who cares about you, wants the best for you and then suddenly changes into kicking you out and wanting nothing to do with you. What's the context for this?
How is the rest of your family / extended family dealing with this situation? Do they sympathize with you?
Be done with her!
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If I've read this correctly, you've already taken a fall for your mom on a legal issue. You are now put out due to her not following the law. Due to the auto removal on this sub, I cannot say the words your mom is.
But yes. You are done with her. You call the cops. If the car is in your name, you report it as stolen. No one should have taken it without title anyway.
Hello 9-1-1!
Report the car as stolen and report the illegal eviction. Go to r/legaladvice and get advice on the legal process to follow where you are.
From a relationships perspective you need to stop letting her walk all over you. This is insane. Stop giving her money. Call the police when she breaks the law. She will not stop until there are actual consequences for her actions.
enTITLEd
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Who's name was on the title to the car? If it was yours, absolutely call the police. Also, she can't just kick you out. At least in the US, she'd have to properly evict you. I'd also report the woman who scratched your hands. Even if she doesn't get arrested for assault, you'll have a report filed in case she ever tries to harm you again. And go no contact. Best thing I ever did. My mom pushed me down stairs when I was pregnant. She died in October. All I feel is relief.
Get organized!
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Call the cops, report the theft and the assault. Further, if you have access to a lawyer, see if there's any way to actually turn your mother in for the crime you took the fall on. Say you're willing to testify against her.
After that, start printing out your bank statements. Go through with a highlighter and see how much you paid in terms of car, utilities, etc. She evicted and disowned you suddenly. She's decided to up and leave the country. You've been set up as a patsy for her crimes once before. Get your ducks in a row because I wouldn't put it past her to pull that trick again.
Embrace the truth...
I'm sorry to tell you, your post belongs in r/raisedbynarcissists
Repeat: Not my circus, not my monkeys.
Your mom needs to live with the consequences of her behavior. Please report her, get your car back and tell the truth about what she did.
Ignore the guilt...
I'm going to repeat what everyone else has told you, report it stolen. Do it right now.
I guess I feel a little guilty.
I know how that feels. It sucks so much to feel guilt over something you know is right. I used to have that sort of relationship with my mom. Having to stand up to her and stand my ground always made me sick with guilt, but I did it. Here's the thing: there's going to have to come a point where you realize that blood is just blood. Blood does not make you family. All it means is you share DNA and with this particular person, she happened to be an incubator for you.
Read this carefully: she will not change. In fact; with people like her, the harder you try and the more you beg and the more you give, you're fueling her. You're giving her power. Power over you, power to feel righteous. Take a look back over your post, reread it. Commit it to memory, because I promise you as long as you chase after her skirts looking for love and approval, that's what the rest of your life is going to look like. All that drama, all that wasted money, having your possessions stolen and sold, having your home ripped away from you. It'll happen again and again.
So report your car stolen and focus on your next steps. Focus on you and what you want out of life and how to get it. Get a job at McDonald's, put yourself through school. Prove to her, but more importantly to yourself, that you are better and you don't need her. Read up on narcissists and how to handle them because that's what she is. Once you understand the beast and how to respond (or not), life becomes simpler.
Always beware... DNA can be an issue...
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NEVER EVER EVER take someone else's charge for them. It will have permanent consequences on your life, and no one will ever believe that you actually didn't do it. Be careful who you're hanging out with, because they can pull you into getting more charges. The more crap on your record, the harder it gets to walk away from trouble (more likely to get tickets, fines, etc, it just gets harder!)
If the car title was in your name, call the police and see if you can file charges, or reports and get it back. Or at least t Get the money?? Idk, do it soon.
Your mom let you go to jail and have a criminal record for her and has done nothing but abuse you since. It is time to walk away and never have her in your life again once you get your car back with the help of the police.
Your mother needs some time at the leisure of Her Majesty's Criminal Justice system. I am guessing it was benefit fraud.
Calling The Garbage Man
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When I was 18 my uncle gave me his old car. My dad sold it for parts one day without asking. He got $200 for selling it. It was worth ~$5000. He laughed in my face when I asked him why he did it. So I did what any psychologically abused son would do, beat him up so bad he ended up in the hospital. He threatened me the next time I saw him and I beat him again and told him if he ever messed with me again I'd make sure he could never would never walk again. He never messed with me in any way.
Moral of the story is don't take that path. I'm still seeing a therapist about how abusive he was. Doing that to him out of spite screwed me up more. In hindsight I would have walked away and cut ties forever. Maybe sent him a "sorry for your loss" card some decades later when he repented being a crap parent. Or maybe not, maybe never talking to him again would have been revenge enough. Don't seek revenge, be the bigger person. Use this as motivation to give yourself a better life. Your mom sounds like a real piece of garbage though. I'm sorry you had to go through that.
When we're intoxicated, or even the slightest bit tipsy from having a little too much to drink, our immediate perspective on things is hazy.
But there's nothing like a bit of alarming news or a jarring incident to snap us out of the fog and focus on the moment.
Sometimes alcohol isn't always to blame for our impairment.
It can be a state of mind, like a perpetual numbness from being complacent in life, and all it takes is one shocking moment to rattle us back to our senses.
Curious to hear from strangers online about this type of scenario, Redditor Known_Challenge_7150 asked:
"What’s one thing that sobered you up real quick?"
These individuals were witness to shocking events that sobered them up right quick.
Bleeding Out
"Got out of a taxi and found a naked man profusely bleeding from his head crawling up the driveway in my condo. Called him an ambulance completely forgot I was absolutely wasted until 45 minutes later when I'd helped him translate and in to an amublance and stepped in my front door."
"Later a few days later learned he'd slipped in the tub and literally crawled out for help. Poor dude. He was fine but I genuinely thought he was going to die there."
– DongLaiCha
Tragic News
"At a bachelor party and we got a phone call that the groom’s father had suddenly passed."
– accountnameredacted
Bottom Of The Barrel
"I went to visit my parents back in July. I was homeless and deep into fentanyl addiction so I lost a lot of weight. My folks could see it. They knew something was up. Anyway, I spent the night and I was getting ready to leave in the morning and I looked at myself in the mirror for a good long time. I finally had enough and told them everything. They took me to detox, from there I went to rehab. Graduated in August and been living with them ever since then. I have 160 days clean and sober."
– Crotch-Monster
A reality check can be enough for some people to snap out of it.
Like Father, Like Son
"Was driving a drunk friend home, he had been on a bender again and was smart enough to call me for a lift rather than try and drive. As I helped in to his house his mother came down the stairs and said 'your as drunk as your father' and went back upstairs. I haven't seen him drunk since then, he still drinks but the thought of turning into his dad scared him out of hard drinking."
– psycospaz
Busted
"Flashing blue lights."
– FiddleOfGold
"This sobered me up just thinking about it."
– redmaple_syrup
Losing Sight
"Woke up to no sight in one eye. I had cataract surgery so just thought one of the lenses had slipped and it was an easy fix. Eye doc says nope, you had a stroke. I loved soy sauce, teriyaki sauce and salty food, which caused high blood pressure, which caused retina damage. Over six months was able to get most of my eyesight back with medication, and all back within a year. Trying to navigate life with one eye was very sobering. Started taking HBP much more seriously."
– MissHibernia
Quitting The Bottle
"Looked up someone I went to highschool with who was an awesome guy. Found out he had been dead for 3 years from alcoholism, at age 33. I made an overnight change. I hadn't started drinking that night yet, 10 months ago. Haven't touched it again since."
– omgtater
These disturbing moments were enough for Redditors to immediately come to their senses.
Unplanned House Guests
"Me and a buddy Woke up in someone’s living room, realized neither one of us knew the people, they were just nice and let 2 drunk guys sleep on their living room floor. We didn’t even say goodbye."
– Oneinsevenbillion75
Serious Health Warning
"Elevated liver enzymes."
"And the knowledge that this sh** was gonna kill me and I just couldn't orphan my family over it."
"So I opted for recovery, instead."
"Clean and sober since June 5, 2009."
– Far_Meal8674
The Joyride
"Grew up in a rural area. The little town hosted dances at the hockey arena, everyone (adults and kids) went and they overserved everyone, regardless of age. I was maybe 16 or 17 and was absolutely sh*tfaced, and jumped in the back of someone's truck with about 8 other people to go back to someone's cottage for after dance drinking. The driver (still don't know who it was) started racing one of his buddies and we whipped around small dirt roads, flying around blind corners on the wrong side of the road, going god knows how fast. It was basically a disaster waiting to happen. It was crazy scary and I was sober and thankful to be alive when we finally arrived."
– foxfood9116
The human psyche is a fascinating thing, isn't it?
How we can automatically focus on something urgent at a crucial time, even after getting buzzed from drinking too much alcohol.
But as we're in the thick of the holidays, it's a good reminder to drink responsibly and stay off the roads if you drive to your celebratory destination.
Cheers. Stay safe. And happy holidays.
We've all complained or vented about something in our lives which, in the grand scheme of things, wasn't exactly a problem, or is very easily solved.
Then there are those who complain about things that others almost hope will happen to them at some point in their lives.
These are known as "first world problems", as they are problems that pretty much only the world's one percent faces.
From having to fly business class instead of first class, or being served Roederer instead of Dom Pérignon, these complaints are often met with amusement, bewilderment, or even anger.
Redditor jennimackenzie was curious to hear the most absurd "first world problems" anyone ever complained about, leading them to ask:
"What’s the most ridiculous 'first world problem' you’ve seen people get worked up over?"
"Tale As Old As Time..."
"I once knew a mom who was legitimately devastated, to the point of tears/grief, because a doctor predicted her 8 year old daughter's final height to be around 5'2","
"Which wasn't tall enough to get cast as Belle at Disney World."
"That was the child's (and her mother's) only dream in life, apparently."
"Didn't appreciate my suggestion that she could be Minnie or Mickey."
"Lol!"
"Only a face character would do!"- TravelLovingMom
"Must Be Funny, In A Rich Man's World..."
"My boss from about a decade ago was this insanely rich dude who always went to the bank to get fresh and crisp currency."
"He'd call the bank in advance to make sure they had some on hand."
"I think he was a germaphobe."
"He had a trash can that he'd throw $1 and $5 bills in that he thought was 'dirty' and regularly just donated it vs spending it."
"I asked him why he did this and he said it was too much trouble and asked if I wanted it."
"I said f*ck yeah dumped it into my bag and when I got home it was close to $400 in singles and fives.
"Another time, he wanted to upgrade all the computers in his studio, so we went to a store and bought 10 PCs."
"They all had $150 mail in rebates and he wasn't bothered to go through the trouble of mailing them in."
"3 weeks later I received $1500 after spending a whole afternoon filling out all those goddamn forms."- azninvasion2000
Money Burn GIF by nog
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Who Wore It Better?
"When I was about 19 years old, I was at my boyfriends family BBQ."
"I was wearing this pretty floral sundress."
"His cousins girlfriend showed up in the same dress and she was SO mad that she went and changed."
"I will never understand being upset when someone is wearing the same thing as you.'
"Did you really think that your shirt you bought off the rack is going to be unique to you?"
"No."- mertsey627
Seeing Red! Or Blue In This Case...
"The blue of the balloons wasn't quite the same as the bridesmaid's sashes."
"Years ago my wife and I attended a wedding."
"It was very low key."
"The dinner was in the dining hall at the university where the couple met, cinder block walls and all."
"It was a Baptist wedding - no booze and very serious."
"The dark blue balloons attempting to liven up the hall were a slightly darker shade of blue than the sashes on the bridesmaid's dresses."
"The bride lost here sh*t and absolutely raved for nearly an hour."
"I can't remember how they finally managed to talk her down."- mechant_papa
south park wedding GIF
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See You In Court!
"Rich neighbors who end up in expensive court battles because they disagree about where a tree can be planted or whether the color of a fence fits in with the street’s 'amenity'."
'These disputes get really heated and rack up huge lawyers’ bills."
"The most pathetic part is after the judgement when they are arguing about who should pay the other party’s costs."
"Lots of affidavits filed citing the 'emotional distress' they had to endure, or painting themselves as brave warriors who were forced to take a stand to fight for 'justice'."
"Also lots of pompous litigants insisting that the judge refer to them by their 'Dr' title."
"An absolutely insane dumpster fire of entitled rich people problems."- ElectrocRaisin
It's Always People With Money Who Don't Want To Pay!
"I work in a public library."
"People will get so so mad if they have to be put on a wait list for a book."
"A popular book that just came out."
"Ok our services are not only free but so are the books."
"You’re welcome, a**holes."- Switchbladekitten
A Warm Butt Is A Happy Butt!
"My own."
"We have a bidet toilet seat (Fabulous! Everyone should have one!) and not only does it wash your bum and blow dry it, but the seat's heated!"
"It's shocking how much a heated toilet seat makes the whole process more agreeable."
"Except: We had a power outage and I went to use the toilet and the seat was cold!"
"Unacceptable!"
"This shall not stand!"
"I was really upset because it didn't feel good."
"Then I stopped and thought: This is the most first-world problem anyone's ever had."
"I was really pissed because my heiny was tepid."
"I got over it."- DeathGrover
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Holy Matrimony!
"Weddings are a gold mine for this question."
"People get so hyped up over their 'most important day of their life'."
"They'll destroy friendships, go into debt, and have crazy expectations."
"It's not always the couple who go crazy, either."
"Sometimes, it's the parents or another family member who feels entitled to control the wedding."
"It's just a party."
"Be considerate of guests, have plenty of food and drinks, and enjoy it."- magicrowantree
When Fast Food Isn't Fast Enough...
"Having to pull off to the side to wait for a drive-thru order to be brought out to you because your food isn't ready and there's a line building up behind you."- demanbmore
In Case You Don't Think Customer Service Employees Are Undervalued...
"I was working the return desk at a Target next to a military base so I have so many stories."
"One of my favorites was a lady who had her baby shower before revealing the gender and was livid that she had received floral newborn diapers when she’s having a boy."
"It was a huge box of super expensive, all organic diapers, that we didn’t carry and therefore could not return."
"I cannot accurately express her fury and disgust."
"How dare either suggest her boy could wear feminine diapers."
"I suggested she donate them if she didn’t want to use them and she instead threw away the entire box."
"When she left we pulled it out and threw it in our donate bin."
"There have also been multiple times where mom’s order massive toys and when we bring them out to the car they get furious that they aren’t wrapped."
"We don’t offer wrapping services."
"Here’s the thing, if you don’t want your kids to see the toys you got them for Christmas or their bit to day DON'T BRING THE CHILD WHEN YOU PICK IT UP."
'I’ve had multiple women scream and curse me out that I had ruined their kids Christmas by bringing the toys they ordered out to the car like they requested."- clever-mermaid-mae
Customer Service Waiting GIF by Juno Calypso
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Happiest Place On Earth!
"I used to work for Disney."
"That in itself should tell you everything."
"However for fun I'll give you two specific stories one form our tech department and one from my wife who worked bookings."
"I specifically worked for their call center to help with technical issues with magic band and the website."
"Suddenly got worse huh?"
"A right of passage call everyone has at least one story of is the 'Dome call'."
"Basically there is a subset of Disney Guest (TM) that believes if it rains at Walt Disney world there is someone that will push a button to encapsulate the whole of Disney property in a dome to keep out the rain."
"I'm not kidding."
"If this button is not pushed they call our tech department to angrily ask why."
"My wife worked booking."
"Pretty much everything including Bibbidi Bobbidi boutique and Pirate's league."
"These two things did roughly the same thing difference being price and theme."
"BBB was expensive did more and was focused on princesses, pirates league did a bit less and focused on mermaids and pirates."
"Lady called up my wife, and got pissed about BBB being booked up (It goes FAAAAST)."
"Karen: 'Im going to give the phone to my daughter and I want you to tell her how you are ruining her vacation by not letting her do BBB'."
"Wife proceeds to explain how pirate's league is so much cooler and how she can be a mermaid or pirate and basically gets the kid to start demanding to their parents about how they want to be a mermaid instead of a princess."- trollsong
Disney World GIF
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The horror!
Being booked into a junior suite at Disney World instead of an executive suite!
It's almost as bad as having no money for groceries, or no food to feed you children...
Said absolutely no one.