When my grandfather passed away, it fell to my grandmother to execute his will. He wasn't a wealthy man, so we weren't dealing in money here.
Instead, we were talking about things that had sentimental value. The items all made sense to us, but to a lawyer or another outsider it would have seemed strange to see a nail clipper and a ziploc bag of sea shells in a will.
Or maybe not. Reddit user shrimpthepimp asked:
And it turns out that "weird" stuff ends up in wills all the time!
Old Flames
Worked in a place that did wills and trusts.
One guy put aside a bunch of money to split between any of his old girlfriends that came to his funeral! The dude tried to name a few but could not come up with more than four plus a couple first names from high school! The lawyers try to steer them away from this junk but it was less than $25kUSD.
No Contact Contract
I administered trusts and estates for 35 years with a large national bank.
I had one trust where a woman left a ton of money to her grandkids. They got all the income the from her assets over the years and the trusts fully distributed to them at age 35. Except for one grandson.
He was gay and the grandmother believed that a particular individual was responsible for "turning" him that way. For him to get his inheritance, we had verify that he was not in contact with his ex-lover once each year. If he was found to be in contact with him, his funds would be withheld for the following year until he could prove he was no longer seeing the guy. If he ever formed what seemed like a lasting relationship with the man again, his portion of the inheritance was revoked and to be distributed to the other grandkids.
We used to get a signed statement from the kid each year and that was enough for the probate court to approve the money.
A few years later, courts started allowing people to remove provisions like these that seemed ridiculous to have to adhere to. The beneficiary and the bank went to court and we asked that the provision no longer be followed. The judge agreed that it was too much "control from the grave" and let the provision be struck down.
We don't know if he went back to his old lover after that.
Eve
Someone willed their Eve online video game account. It was worth thousands apparently.
He had no family, so he willed it to one of his friends... and one of his other friends threw a fit. So we ended up with two grown ass men fighting over an online game account.
We found out a couple of years later that friend 2 turned in friend one to the game's admins and moderators. The account got taken away from . Apparently they deemed it a terms of service violation or something.
- FXSB13
Merry Christmas
Giphy
Not a lawyer but my buddy is one. Couple months ago he said an older lady had asked him to include something quite peculiar. She had left the instructions for her family to decorate the family Christmas tree.
The weird thing was that her daughter in law was the only one allowed to put ornaments on the tree and her granddaughter was supposed to put the star on top. After she had passed (about a week later) he read the will to the family, and a bunch of drama followed.
Pretty weird will if you ask me.
Buried With Their Best Friends
Elderly women deciding that their pets - no matter their age or health - should be immediately put down when they die so that they can be buried/cremated with them is shockingly common.
Year Of The Beard
My cousin is a lawyer and apparently one guy grows out his beard all year long before shaving it on New Year's Day and saves it in a bag with the year written on it. He has in his will that certain years go to certain grand-kids because that was the year they were born, got married, Etc.
The rest are to be raffled off equally to all of his decedents.
- S10rocks
Why does he think they even want his beard hair?
For the Polyjuice Potion
Read The Letter
This lady included a clause in her will stating that 1 of her 3 daughters wasn't allowed to get anything in the will, and to read the letter that was annexed to the will to find out why. I never got to see the letter since I'm the paralegal but I thought it was super odd.
The Scandal Sheet
When my very wealthy, Catholic grandfather died in 1983, his will read like a scandal sheet. He didn't just bequeath or withhold: he listed reasons why. My cousin Aaron was born out of wedlock so he was SOL. Another family member had her lovers named then received no money.
Someone else had a good job and was raising a family "the right way" (Catholic) so he was awarded money. Never mind that he was the biggest asshole on the Earth.
I was only 13 (and born to married parents) so I received $5,000.
He gave most of his millions to charity so some good came of it.
- Spooty03
Rooms For Life
A quite wealthy man willed specific rooms in his mansion. That is, the house was not to be sold or inherited, but designated people were given use of specific rooms for their lifetime.
Take Care Of The Dogs
Giphy
Wealthy women left 1 million dollars in trust for the care of her dogs. Her two sons and daughters, however, were each given exactly only $10,000. That was the amount of the loan the woman had initially received from her father to help her grow her wealth.
Reddit user Purple_Pineapple_752 asked:
"If God gave you his powers for 1 hour, What would you do?"
So here's the thing, Reddit has no chill.
Like none.
So every random whim, thought, or chip on people's shoulders certainly came out in the comments.
And honestly... it's delicious.
Some Redesigns Needed
"Redesign human knee and shoulder joints. Because, seriously, I've got some bug reports that have been ignored."
- m_sporkboy
"You’ve got my vote! As a nearly 30yr old with chronic arthritis, I’d say thank you!"
- RiskyBisc
"Yup. Tore my ACL the other month in college football and am now a 'house potato' according to my dad."
- Bu11tproofTiger
"Both of my shoulders are reconstructed. My hips are finished as well an I'm in my 30s ."
"I think the human body needs to be made of better quality parts at this point lol"
- lolparty247
GiphyGame Time
"Elected politicians, and candidates for office can no longer lie."
"Intentionally or unintentionally, every thing they express will be truth. If they try to lie, it will come out truth."
"This is not meant to be wholly benevolent."
"No half truths. No vagaries. The plain and objective truth, or silence. Those are their options."
"And it applies to all elected politicians, officially government sponsored ones (MPs) or otherwise, like say the elected spokesman of the IRA."
"Let the games begin."
- AlphaTangoFoxtrt
"This is actually terrifying."
"Imagine you are elected. You want to know the nuclear launch codes? No worries, just try to state the first character in the sequence."
"You cannot lie. So what you say will come out as correct. Now just have someone write it down."
"Want the password to the white house twitter account? No worries, just get someone to vote you into some form of office. Could be you and joe-no-body, it doesn't matter."
"Privacy would end overnight."
"No no no, you want them to not be able to tell intentional lies. Then at least it's limited to things they know. And just for good measure, give every elected official a strong sense of questioning their own knowledge."
- UFO64
"I feel like this power will end up being a monkeys paw. You try to do good but it has an equal/opposite reaction..."
"You make it so politicians can't lie, and the followers just accept it and still vote them into power."
"Make it so people have critical thinking and aren't easily misled by conspiracies and propaganda, then I dunno, maybe we find out we needed conspiracies in our life and we now no longer question anything.. Idk.."
"You remove corruption and it has some unforeseen knock on impact where now South American or African countries become super powers and a new cold war erupts with new players."
"Yeh monkeys paw... Beware of this power..."
- splashbodge
GiphyToast Technicalities
"Create various images on toast and have fun watching believers react to them."
- CaptchaSolvingRobot
"But technically... they would be right because it was you as God!! You!!"
- SonOfARemington
"I’ve often wondered how many people eat their Jesus toast without ever bothering to check."
"Extending the thought, how many people actually do check their toast only to think to themselves, 'Hey! It’s Keanu Reeves!' ”
- smeeding
GiphyCan We Vote For This Person?
"1st of all, I would make it so that everyone napping always wakes up refreshed. All naps now last 23 minutes but feel like 4 hours of perfect sleep."
"Nothing is addictive."
"All men are given perfect recall about everything their wives have said or done."
"All women obtain positive body images."
"Taco trees."
"People who are cool never have their shoe laces come undone. A-holes have their laces break every Friday."
"Dogs stay small puppies for 3 extra months and come out potty trained."
"Turtles can play trumpet."
"America switches to metric with no fuss."
"The internet makes sense to everyone over 70....but they chose to avoid social media anyway."
"Corn syrup goes away."
"All religions announce simultaneously that God is kinda... but not exactly gay."
"Every swastika owned drawn or tattooed is slowly burned away over a week. It hurts really bad and is replaced by a picture of a teddy bear blowing a very startled looking Nick Cage."
- Ethandrul
"You had me at trumpet turtles and taco trees."
- fallen87angel
"I also choose this god."
- PBnBacon·
GiphyAssuming I'm Still Interested
"Assuming I’m still really interested in Earth, get us back to zero or a good starting point."
"Remove all trash and pollution everywhere. It just ceases to exist."
"Complete all municipal separated storm sewer projects instantly."
"Instantly create storm water gardens wherever necessary. Instantly eliminate lawn culture and convert to lawn alternatives to eliminate run off."
"Instantly convert all power generation to safe thorium nuclear and renewable. Instantly convert all sea shipping to clean nuclear."
"Instantly convert all cars to electric. Create charging stations at every residence."
"Instantly convert all heavy construction equipment to a safer fuel (I don’t know what yet). Instantly put solar panels on every structure/house. Instantly create bike lanes everywhere. Instantly create bike culture of the Netherlands everywhere."
"Upgrade everywhere to high speed rail systems similar to Japan. Switch all roads to permeable pavement."
"Instantly perform major upgrades on every structure, road and bridge everywhere. Have all work go to new construction and maintenance."
"Instantly install field drains and timer stadium lights in all playing fields."
"Instantly process all rape kits in all police stations."
"Instantly repair all playgrounds and park features everywhere."
"Automatically register everyone to vote. Create 10 new states out of Texas and California. Instantly pass political reform."
"Legalize all drugs. Instantly create more treatment centers."
"Instantly cure all ailments that are in recovery in hospital and would cure naturally. Instantly move those patients back home."
"Instantly kill all patients who would die naturally. Instantly inform all families."
"Instantly remove all graveyards and eliminate practice of saving dead. Create new ritual of donation to science or turn into tree."
"Instantly create depression cure. Instantly create obesity cure. Instantly create formula to grow/repair existing teeth."
"Instantly change taxation rate to post WW2 for businesses. Instantly change view of all workers to pro-union."
"Instantly identify and eliminate all political corruption. Have everyone just realize all this exists."
"Eliminate all religious belief everywhere. Instantly create belief in helping neighbors, being a good person, and creating a heaven on earth."
"Eliminate all mosquitoes. Bring back bees."
"Is time up? Was that an hour?"
- winnower8
GiphyOne Solution To The Fossil Fuel Issue
"Having given it some thought:"
"Easy parthenogenesis for all humans, regardless of their biological sex and mental identity."
"And the natural ability to self terminate pregnancies. And self. That would wipe out a whole bunch of angst and repression in the world."
"The ability to fly, as someone else suggested, at fairly rapid speeds. This would vastly change society, no more cars, planes, elevators, stairs, possibly no more country borders, it would be nearly impossible to enforce. The demand for oil would plummet and the environment would be healthier."
"Extra longevity, with senescence happening only a few years before death."
- CanadianJogger
GiphyGenderqueer Garlic Bread
"Make an easily accessed and super powerful source of electrical energy that's renewable and environmentally friendly, it's also easily accessed (this could just be 100% efficient solar gen, or a generator that somehow turns heat back into useable energy? I dunno I'll be god, I could figure it out)."
"Cure All Diseases"
"Humanity now has the ability to magically transform themselves freely to look however they choose, provided it's still anthropomorphic."
"I'm genderqueer; this would make it so all the non-cis people wouldn't need expensive drugs and surgery, or suffering, although I guess we'd be dealing with a few furries but y'know that's fine with me."
"Reverse earth's environmental damage back to pre-industrial while maintaining all the infrastructure changes."
"Finally, all major US and Canadian highways are underground and infinitely maintainable, AND there's also Bullet Trains that run underground with them along the WHOLE interstate/400 Series and Extension/Trans-Can that way I NEVER HAVE TO DRIVE AN HOUR TO WORK AGAIN."
"AND all Cities with populations over 10K have more-than-adequate 100% free public transit that's also so efficient the busses/trains/trolleys/whatever are never late."
"OH one more thing: Since everyone is gonna be sexy because of the Shapeshifting, everyone is either pansexual, or ace, and the people that are ace aren't seen as weird and are completely respected in their orientation. And we all have an innate sense both to locate each other and to locate garlic bread."
- someBrokeCanadian
GiphyThe Timer
"I would set a timer for 10 years and then everyone dies and the earth explodes. I would make everyone aware of the timer."
"I think that would eliminate a lot of bullshit around the world like war and hate, and would make for a really good last time alive until we all die together."
"Am I a weirdo?"
- DoobieMcBeast
GiphySky Farm
"Erase COVID"
"Curse everyone whose name was listed in the Pandora Papers to spontaneously explode somewhere in public and just let the media chips fall where they will."
"Create a sky-dwelling jellyfish that eats carbon fumes and whose tentacles contain a chemical that makes you feel total euphoria for 8 hours straight."
"See how long it takes humans to turn them into a carbon-sucking, drug-producing sky farm animal."
- NebulaPlural
"I am 100% on board for carbon-Hoover-jelly-sky-fish-farms."
"Magnificent."
- sinskins
Giphy"Because Who Wouldn't?"
"I'd get rid of all mental impairment diseases and conditions. Alzheimers, Dementia, the severe mental impairment that some kids are born with (Not sure what the various conditions are called)."
"I would make humans and other animals immune to cancer. I would extend healthy human lifespans by another 50 years, and dogs and cats can also live as long as humans."
"I would then give humans the ability to research and cure other diseases and ailment so that mankind could eventually have treatments for such things as they come along. I say this because I only get an hour and things will appear in the future that can't be predicted (even with God's power)."
"And lastly, I'd of course, give my self a bigger dick, because who wouldn't?"
- ClownfishSoup
GiphyOh you didn't honestly think we were going to get through an article about god-like powers and NOT have someone use it for penises... did you?
Come on now.
You're not THAT new on the internet.
You know how people are around here.
What would YOU use your god-like powers for now that you've read some of Reddits ideas? Let us know in the comments.
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