When my grandfather passed away, it fell to my grandmother to execute his will. He wasn't a wealthy man, so we weren't dealing in money here.
Instead, we were talking about things that had sentimental value. The items all made sense to us, but to a lawyer or another outsider it would have seemed strange to see a nail clipper and a ziploc bag of sea shells in a will.
Or maybe not. Reddit user shrimpthepimp asked:
And it turns out that "weird" stuff ends up in wills all the time!
Old Flames
Worked in a place that did wills and trusts.
One guy put aside a bunch of money to split between any of his old girlfriends that came to his funeral! The dude tried to name a few but could not come up with more than four plus a couple first names from high school! The lawyers try to steer them away from this junk but it was less than $25kUSD.
No Contact Contract
I administered trusts and estates for 35 years with a large national bank.
I had one trust where a woman left a ton of money to her grandkids. They got all the income the from her assets over the years and the trusts fully distributed to them at age 35. Except for one grandson.
He was gay and the grandmother believed that a particular individual was responsible for "turning" him that way. For him to get his inheritance, we had verify that he was not in contact with his ex-lover once each year. If he was found to be in contact with him, his funds would be withheld for the following year until he could prove he was no longer seeing the guy. If he ever formed what seemed like a lasting relationship with the man again, his portion of the inheritance was revoked and to be distributed to the other grandkids.
We used to get a signed statement from the kid each year and that was enough for the probate court to approve the money.
A few years later, courts started allowing people to remove provisions like these that seemed ridiculous to have to adhere to. The beneficiary and the bank went to court and we asked that the provision no longer be followed. The judge agreed that it was too much "control from the grave" and let the provision be struck down.
We don't know if he went back to his old lover after that.
Eve
Someone willed their Eve online video game account. It was worth thousands apparently.
He had no family, so he willed it to one of his friends... and one of his other friends threw a fit. So we ended up with two grown ass men fighting over an online game account.
We found out a couple of years later that friend 2 turned in friend one to the game's admins and moderators. The account got taken away from . Apparently they deemed it a terms of service violation or something.
- FXSB13
Merry Christmas
Giphy
Not a lawyer but my buddy is one. Couple months ago he said an older lady had asked him to include something quite peculiar. She had left the instructions for her family to decorate the family Christmas tree.
The weird thing was that her daughter in law was the only one allowed to put ornaments on the tree and her granddaughter was supposed to put the star on top. After she had passed (about a week later) he read the will to the family, and a bunch of drama followed.
Pretty weird will if you ask me.
Buried With Their Best Friends
Elderly women deciding that their pets - no matter their age or health - should be immediately put down when they die so that they can be buried/cremated with them is shockingly common.
Year Of The Beard
My cousin is a lawyer and apparently one guy grows out his beard all year long before shaving it on New Year's Day and saves it in a bag with the year written on it. He has in his will that certain years go to certain grand-kids because that was the year they were born, got married, Etc.
The rest are to be raffled off equally to all of his decedents.
- S10rocks
Why does he think they even want his beard hair?
For the Polyjuice Potion
Read The Letter
This lady included a clause in her will stating that 1 of her 3 daughters wasn't allowed to get anything in the will, and to read the letter that was annexed to the will to find out why. I never got to see the letter since I'm the paralegal but I thought it was super odd.
The Scandal Sheet
When my very wealthy, Catholic grandfather died in 1983, his will read like a scandal sheet. He didn't just bequeath or withhold: he listed reasons why. My cousin Aaron was born out of wedlock so he was SOL. Another family member had her lovers named then received no money.
Someone else had a good job and was raising a family "the right way" (Catholic) so he was awarded money. Never mind that he was the biggest asshole on the Earth.
I was only 13 (and born to married parents) so I received $5,000.
He gave most of his millions to charity so some good came of it.
- Spooty03
Rooms For Life
A quite wealthy man willed specific rooms in his mansion. That is, the house was not to be sold or inherited, but designated people were given use of specific rooms for their lifetime.
Take Care Of The Dogs
Giphy
Wealthy women left 1 million dollars in trust for the care of her dogs. Her two sons and daughters, however, were each given exactly only $10,000. That was the amount of the loan the woman had initially received from her father to help her grow her wealth.
Redditor Beadiest_Cape wanted to hear the best cuss free insults out there and asked:
“What's the best insult you've heard without swearing?"
Professor burn…
“After getting a compliment on his assignment, A buddy of mine leaned back in his chair and told our college professor, ‘I'm not as dumb as I look.’ To which he leaned forward on his podium and said, ‘You couldnt be.’” dusty_boots
“…and may God have mercy on your soul.”
“One of the best is from Billy Madison, ‘What you've just said is one of the most insanely idiotic things I have ever heard. At no point in your rambling, incoherent response were you even close to anything that could be considered a rational thought. Everyone in this room is now dumber for having listened to it. I award you no points, and may God have mercy on your soul.’” maswriter
You should apologize…
“You’re not the dumbest person in the world, but you'd better hope they don’t die.” WhatThatBoiDoin
“Whenever this question is posted, my favorite is usually along the lines of: ‘There's a tree somewhere in the Amazon jungle with sole purpose of producing oxygen you breathe. You should go find that tree and apologize." all_worth
How low can they go?
“The bar was on the ground and you grabbed a shovel” BlckAlchmst
“That reminds me of one comment i read saying: ‘the bar was so low it was practically a tripping hazard in hell, yet here you are dancing limbo with the devil’.” give_it_a_vodkashot
Series 2 Limbo GIF by BBC ThreeGiphy"Having been born an infant, and realizing he quite liked it, he decided to stay one forever." overt-wan-kenobert
“From Casablanca: ‘You probably think pretty poorly of me don't you?’”
"’I would if I gave you any thought’" koiven
These teachers got clap backs for days…
“I had a teacher tell some kid ‘Nothing you have to say is of any consequence...to anyone.’ He was an odd teacher who kinda talked like that, but it was his version of savage. The room lost its sh*t in unison.” glib_battling
“I had a guy sit behind me in English class let out of fart that reverberated off the wooden seat. The whole class heard it. The teacher said ‘that's the most intelligent thing you've said all year’. Priceless” melbers22
Bob Dylan…
“Bob Dylan: One day, I wish you'd be in my shoes, so you could know... what a drag it is to see you.” WhatDaufuskie
“I was at a karaoke 50th the other night and this one caught my eye. Thankfully I wasn't drunk enough to sing it. But I love this song for its sick burn. Poor old Edie. Bob really gave it to her that time.” crankenfranken
Down the Monty Python rabbit hole…
“Your mother was a hamster, and your father smelt... of elderberries!” UpTwoDownOne
“Elderberries were the cheap replacement for grapes in making wine. That is basically ‘your father is a drunk and can't afford the good stuff’.” ukezi
“And hamsters have sex all the time with no regard for monogamy.” draconum_ggg
“So, ‘Your mother is being cheated on but is also a w*ore and you father is a drunk who is also broke’.” EmpanadaDeMayonesa2
Firefly insults…
“‘My days of not taking you seriously are certainly coming to a...middle.’ --Mal Reynolds”
"’It's not that I hate you, exactly; it's just that any admiration I have for you is well under control.’” FlourChild1026
Shakespeare master of insults…
“Straight from Shakespeare ‘I wish we could become better strangers’.” Dundeklil
“Also from Shakespeare: (Fallstaff, after Bardolf calls him fat) ‘Do thou amend thy face, and I'll amend my life.’” driving_andflying
Excuse us while we go grab the burn cream.
Want to "know" more? Never miss another big, odd, funny, or heartbreaking moment again. Sign up for the Knowable newsletter here.
Sure, it's depressing, but you know what? Aging happens to all of us, and no one is getting out of here alive.
"What gets worse with age?"
Physical consequences of aging is one of the cruelest things in life.
What The Body Does With Food
"Digestive system."
"Every meal is followed by a poop."
Fighting Gravity
"Bending over to pick a quarter off the ground. Hurts your back, gut and your fingers don't work. That's why there is change all over my floor. ;)"
After A Wild Night
"Hangovers for sure."
"At 18 I could go heavily drink and feel damn near 100% the next day. Now I get horrid mental and physical effects. Probably should quit drinking all together."
When our senses gradually start to fail us, it's yet another reminder of our brief mortality.
Look, See
"eyesight."
"Make sure you get your eye dilated every year and check for cataracts."
See, Hear
"My hearing is on the decline. I don't think it'll go completely, but I did get hearing aids last year."
Deaf GIF by memecandyGiphyThe degeneration of certain abilities as we get older is too much to bear.
Staying Above Water
"My ability to cope. I'm just burnt out all the time."
"I feel the same. Aside from my family and friends, I have no care for anyone or anything anymore. Nothing phases me but that's not a good thing IMO. I feel very apathetic towards everything, I'm tired all the time and just want to lay down."
Counting Sheep
"The ability to sleep through the night."
– dabuku1
"Used to be a world champion sleeper and now 5-6 straight hours is huge. Pretty much wide awake every night at 3am."
Putting Up With People
"Humanity.... The older I get the less I want to deal with people."
Maintaining Friendships
"Friendship - making new friends after your 20s becomes a big struggle, and the newer friendships just aren't the same. You can literally run out of 'lifelong friends' due to death, disease, people growing apart, etc."
– cowanon7
I found as I'm getting older my patience and tolerance for certain things have gotten worse.
Waiting in line at the grocery store while someone fumbles with their payment option, or getting antsy when the food I ordered at the restaurant is taking way too long are things that never bothered me ten years ago.
I"m not curmudgeonly by any means, at least not yet. Besides, I'm not that old.
But to all the cranky elders I grew up with who complained about poor service or lack of efficiency, I get it now, and I hear you.