If you watch the lawyers on TV it all looks so enticing. Even when they're sandbagged by clients.

Thanks, buddy!

"Not me but my former law partner. She was in court representing a client, I think in a hearing for a restraining order against her soon-to-be-ex-husband. Our client was telling the judge that when they met to exchange the children for visitation, the ex had kicked her. He immediately angrily shouted 'she can't prove it, I didn't leave a mark!" Thanks, buddy!"

DaniKnowsBest

How did you get a medical license?

"Sat in on a personal injury case where the plaintiff broke their leg in an accident and had a doctor on the stand as an expert. The woman's lawyer begins questioning the doctor about their experience with leg injuries (he was a well known orthopedic surgeon in the area)."

"She asks if he's ever treated a tibula fracture (the leg bones are tibia and fibula) to which he only answers 'no' then she starts grilling him with questions about the tibula."

"After about 6-7 questions she asks 'How did you get a medical license and have been able to practice medicine this long if you've never treated a tibula fracture?' And begins a small rant about going after his credentials and those that gave it to him, to which he simply responds 'there is no bone named the tibula.'"

"The lawyer became beet red and everyone in the room tried their best to keep from laughing including the judge."

bang-a-rang47

Pain

"I was representing a plaintiff in a hit and run case. Plaintiff is testifying and is, despite me preparing them for several hours the previous day, an absolutely terrible witness for her own case. Like, she couldn’t even identify the street she was crossing when she was hit by the car."

"It was a major highway and we had gone through the sequence of events countless times the day before the hearing."

"The “oh sh*t” moment came during cross examination. Defense counsel pulls out a picture of my client dressed up and ready to hit the club which was posted to Facebook the day after the alleged accident."

"I, thinking quickly, object because the timestamp refers to when it was posted, not when it was taken. Defense counsel show the picture to my client and asked her when the picture was taken. Sure enough, they say it was taken the day after the accident when she was supposedly in unbearable pain."

"Oh. Sh*t."

DoctorTargaryen

fatal shots...

"When I was in college, I was a bailiff. Guy is on trial for murder. First witness testified that she saw the defendant shoot the victim. Second witness states the same. Police officer testimony is that he arrived at the scene and defendant was there holding the gun."

"Coroner testimony is that the first bullet hit the victim in the arm, the second bullet hit the victim in the torso and the third bullet hit the victim in the heart which was the fatal shot.

"Defendant yells out 'see that proves that I didn't kill him, I only shot the motherf**ker twice.'"

Mynameisinuse

Fraud

"I was at a hearing arguing that my client was wrongfully terminated because the employer failed to abide by the proper procedures."

"During the hearing a witness for the employer tried to offer documents that were fraudulently altered in order to make it look like the proper procedure was followed. I noticed the alteration. opposing counsel quickly got that witness out of the room, and after a quick adjournment, my client got a large settlement."

mincerray

If I was a lawyer I'd object to everything. For fun mostly.

I Object

"Opposing counsel was a nightmare. Everything late, his work was extremely subpar, and so forth. Accused me of lying multiple times when he had dropped the ball."

"During another hearing in which he did another dumb move, judge says 'I’m glad you are the last case on the call, and all of the other attorneys have left the room, so they aren’t here to hear me say that you are a terrible attorney.'"

Dbo81

Bad Boss

"Not mine but my bosses one..."

"She had to defend a small time delinquent as duty solicitor. Before going to court he asked her what he should do; she explained to him if he was cooperative and truthful his sentence would be milder. After hearing the case the judge asked him if he wanted to add something."

"He got up and explained to the judge: 'my counsel told me to be truthful, so I wanted to tell you that I not only did the robbery I'm being heard for but also several others in the region.'"

"He continued to admit to several robberies that had been unsolved yet and everyone, even the state attorney were facepalming."

ComradeCatilina

Explained everything...

"Literally the first thing I ever did, was just a law student intern. Guy has a legit defense on a drug possession case. Drugs found in a jacket, guy wasn't wearing jacket, they were going to have a very difficult time proving the jacket belonged to my guy."

"Had a long meeting with client. Explained everything. Client was excited."

"Day of the preliminary hearing, guy shows up and sits down directly in front of the officer who arrested him..."

"...while wearing the jacket in question, the exact same jacket we were going to say they couldn't prove belonged to him."

cuthman99

Thanks Dad. I owe you one...

"Probably the funniest one I ever came across happened to a colleague. We were prosecutors then. 18 year old defendant applying for bail. He needed a residential address and got his dad to show up at court to confirm that the family home was available to him. Defence lawyer gets old dad to confirm that son can stay at family home. Dad says yes. My fellow prosecutor gets up and asks dad - do you really want him home? Dad goes off the deep end. ‘Jesus."

"The grief he’s brought me and his mother. Out all hours. Taking drugs. Hiding stolen property in the garage. All night parties. I’m on anti-depressants and the wife’s had a nervous breakdown.’ Dad goes off on one for five solid minutes. As the defendant gets taken back to the cells, he calls out ‘Thanks Dad. I owe you one.’"

REDDIT

Good to Know

"During jury selection. 'I can’t be a juror due to the fact I’m kinda racist.'"

Jasper_Probincrux

Now I wish I had been a lawyer.